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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"! I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation . Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. " me | |||
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"I've got to ask the question...why have you not had sex for 10 years? " Shes just not that keen on it, would rather read a good book or watch the iplayer | |||
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"! I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation . Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. " if you can keep the secret it may work ,the only problems you may encounter are your own conscience and emotions that may affect the woman if she falls for you or you her but the trouble with any affair is keeping it a secret | |||
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"A success to you might be having the affair and keeping your marriage, however does success look like that to the lady you plan to embark on this affair with? Sex alone night not mean much,no strings, no emotions and yes you might get away with it. An affair though indicates there is some emotional investment. Do you wish to hurt her? I will of course be slated for this because people only ever feel sorry for the wife in these things" why would I slate you ,why would any man here slate you .........oh you mean women well yes of course they may slate you | |||
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"! I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation . Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. " OP I feel your issue. I’m at a similar stage... 3 years and no sexual relations. Mine was a slow reduction but the libido of my wife just expired. She’s a good woman and a tremendous mother... for the kids we make everything else work. I however crave and want a sexual relationship but not an affair. Fab has been wonderful for me in this way however I have always been honest in my profile and when meeting partners. Your wife will know, but won’t speak about it. Dont shit on your own doorstep and be considerate about when and where you meetca partner. There are others in a similar or even exactly the same situation, or then there are partners who will prefer the fact that your choice is to meet, have fun, and move back to a home life with no hang ups. Don’t ever deny yourself it simply isn’t worth it. If you want to direct message for a chat feel free to do so (anyone similar for that matter) I’d happily discuss and maybe try to share advice. Vapes | |||
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"! I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation . Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. OP I feel your issue. I’m at a similar stage... 3 years and no sexual relations. Mine was a slow reduction but the libido of my wife just expired. She’s a good woman and a tremendous mother... for the kids we make everything else work. I however crave and want a sexual relationship but not an affair. Fab has been wonderful for me in this way however I have always been honest in my profile and when meeting partners. Your wife will know, but won’t speak about it. Dont shit on your own doorstep and be considerate about when and where you meetca partner. There are others in a similar or even exactly the same situation, or then there are partners who will prefer the fact that your choice is to meet, have fun, and move back to a home life with no hang ups. Don’t ever deny yourself it simply isn’t worth it. If you want to direct message for a chat feel free to do so (anyone similar for that matter) I’d happily discuss and maybe try to share advice. Vapes " Cumbriamale & Vape999... Im in exactly the same situation and have just come out of a long term "affair" which was based on some watertight ground rules... Feel free to PM for any first hand feedback on how it worked for me. Im just delighted I'm not the only one in this dilemma | |||
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"why would anyone use a swinging site for an affair ?? its a swinging site " As nsa | |||
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"! I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation . Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. OP I feel your issue. I’m at a similar stage... 3 years and no sexual relations. Mine was a slow reduction but the libido of my wife just expired. She’s a good woman and a tremendous mother... for the kids we make everything else work. I however crave and want a sexual relationship but not an affair. Fab has been wonderful for me in this way however I have always been honest in my profile and when meeting partners. Your wife will know, but won’t speak about it. Dont shit on your own doorstep and be considerate about when and where you meetca partner. There are others in a similar or even exactly the same situation, or then there are partners who will prefer the fact that your choice is to meet, have fun, and move back to a home life with no hang ups. Don’t ever deny yourself it simply isn’t worth it. If you want to direct message for a chat feel free to do so (anyone similar for that matter) I’d happily discuss and maybe try to share advice. Vapes Cumbriamale & Vape999... Im in exactly the same situation and have just come out of a long term "affair" which was based on some watertight ground rules... Feel free to PM for any first hand feedback on how it worked for me. Im just delighted I'm not the only one in this dilemma " Hey Velvet There’s a few or more of us just with differing levels of acceptance and honesty. It’s a personal choice, one that I’ve chose and boundaries in place. Vapes | |||
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger. Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce. Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. " Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce. | |||
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"! I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation . Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. " Yes, me | |||
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger. Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce. Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce. " I don't see that having much chance of working. Assuming she wasn't being porked by someone else, then someone who went 10 years without sex must be lacking the fundamental drive for it. With enough counselling, flowers and grovelling then you might get her back to sex four times a year, but that's just humiliating. There are resorts in thailand that do a full girlfriend experience for a week, spend money wisely. | |||
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger. Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce. Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce. I don't see that having much chance of working. Assuming she wasn't being porked by someone else, then someone who went 10 years without sex must be lacking the fundamental drive for it. With enough counselling, flowers and grovelling then you might get her back to sex four times a year, but that's just humiliating. There are resorts in thailand that do a full girlfriend experience for a week, spend money wisely. " Or you could just divorce | |||
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger. Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce. Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce. I don't see that having much chance of working. Assuming she wasn't being porked by someone else, then someone who went 10 years without sex must be lacking the fundamental drive for it. With enough counselling, flowers and grovelling then you might get her back to sex four times a year, but that's just humiliating. There are resorts in thailand that do a full girlfriend experience for a week, spend money wisely. " The shouting mentioned by the OP indicates there are other issues in the marriage, it's not at all unusual for women to lose the desire for sex with a long-term partner where there are other unresolved relationship issues, the sexual element isn't "stand-alone". | |||
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"! I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation . Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. " If you haven't finished with her up to now you probably won't. Cheating on her is wrong, how would you like it if you found out she had been fucking someone else for ten years? | |||
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger. Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce. Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce. I don't see that having much chance of working. Assuming she wasn't being porked by someone else, then someone who went 10 years without sex must be lacking the fundamental drive for it. With enough counselling, flowers and grovelling then you might get her back to sex four times a year, but that's just humiliating. There are resorts in thailand that do a full girlfriend experience for a week, spend money wisely. The shouting mentioned by the OP indicates there are other issues in the marriage, it's not at all unusual for women to lose the desire for sex with a long-term partner where there are other unresolved relationship issues, the sexual element isn't "stand-alone"." For 10 years | |||
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger. Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce. Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce. I don't see that having much chance of working. Assuming she wasn't being porked by someone else, then someone who went 10 years without sex must be lacking the fundamental drive for it. With enough counselling, flowers and grovelling then you might get her back to sex four times a year, but that's just humiliating. There are resorts in thailand that do a full girlfriend experience for a week, spend money wisely. The shouting mentioned by the OP indicates there are other issues in the marriage, it's not at all unusual for women to lose the desire for sex with a long-term partner where there are other unresolved relationship issues, the sexual element isn't "stand-alone". For 10 years " Can go on indefinitely if nobody wants to face the issues | |||
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger. Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce. Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce. I don't see that having much chance of working. Assuming she wasn't being porked by someone else, then someone who went 10 years without sex must be lacking the fundamental drive for it. With enough counselling, flowers and grovelling then you might get her back to sex four times a year, but that's just humiliating. There are resorts in thailand that do a full girlfriend experience for a week, spend money wisely. The shouting mentioned by the OP indicates there are other issues in the marriage, it's not at all unusual for women to lose the desire for sex with a long-term partner where there are other unresolved relationship issues, the sexual element isn't "stand-alone". For 10 years " Yep it happens. Change in libido Sexual assault Drug miss use Sex becoming painful following children or some other medical ailment. Menopause / traditional and early on set. Affair with someone else There are more. But basically we will never know as it seems he does not know. Until he knows why and she faces the reason why they can't move from their current cycle. | |||
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"I’d disagree. I’ve been meeting a married guy for 18 months. I wouldn’t call it an affair as we aren’t emotionally involved. I stayed at the beginning I wasn’t interested in him leaving his wife. He has no sex life at home and enjoys being with me and exploring new things sexually. He has grown in confidence in the bedroom and learned a few new tricks lol. He enjoys the way that I respond to him touching me and we do have great sex. We don’t meet regularly so when we do meet it’s a lot of fun. Many people have reasons why they stay together but doesn’t mean that they should remain celibate. " My question is in the interests of discussion only not a comment on your situation. Is sex a right? Why shouldn't someone he celibate? Lots of people are for various reasons. | |||
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"I’d disagree. I’ve been meeting a married guy for 18 months. I wouldn’t call it an affair as we aren’t emotionally involved. I stayed at the beginning I wasn’t interested in him leaving his wife. He has no sex life at home and enjoys being with me and exploring new things sexually. He has grown in confidence in the bedroom and learned a few new tricks lol. He enjoys the way that I respond to him touching me and we do have great sex. We don’t meet regularly so when we do meet it’s a lot of fun. Many people have reasons why they stay together but doesn’t mean that they should remain celibate. " Disagree with who. | |||
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"Why are you staying with your wife? Is it just for convenience sake? Is sex a big thing for you? From the little you have told us I think the best course of action is a frank talk with your wife. " It’s probably for financial reasons. I know people who have stayed with a spouse because of that. People can really get stung financially with a divorce | |||
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"Just leave her. You sleep in separate rooms and refer to "quite liking her when you aren't shouting". Who wants to ne on a relationshipo that they at best like and not all the time. For all that you focus on the lack of sex, that sounds such a miserable and lonely existence. What's the point?" Plenty of happy couples with good sex lives sleep in seperate rooms. | |||
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"Just leave her. You sleep in separate rooms and refer to "quite liking her when you aren't shouting". Who wants to ne on a relationshipo that they at best like and not all the time. For all that you focus on the lack of sex, that sounds such a miserable and lonely existence. What's the point? Plenty of happy couples with good sex lives sleep in seperate rooms. " Not quite sure what that's got to do with my post or the OP's. I know they do. But there is nothing in the OP's post that suggests that they are, or at least he is happy | |||
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"I wonder why you stay in the marriage if you're so unhappy? " Unfortunately it was the same for me, my husband and I lived more like friends for over 10 years in separate rooms, for me it was financial reasons and security for the kids, I am now in my own house and starting over. We all deserve some love and happiness, for me it's not all about sex it's about having someone to turn to for support, cuddles and be there for you, I didn't even get that from my ex x storm x | |||
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"Just leave her. You sleep in separate rooms and refer to "quite liking her when you aren't shouting". Who wants to ne on a relationshipo that they at best like and not all the time. For all that you focus on the lack of sex, that sounds such a miserable and lonely existence. What's the point? Plenty of happy couples with good sex lives sleep in seperate rooms. Not quite sure what that's got to do with my post or the OP's. I know they do. But there is nothing in the OP's post that suggests that they are, or at least he is happy" You offer it as evidence that they are unhappy. | |||
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"Just leave her. You sleep in separate rooms and refer to "quite liking her when you aren't shouting". Who wants to ne on a relationshipo that they at best like and not all the time. For all that you focus on the lack of sex, that sounds such a miserable and lonely existence. What's the point? Plenty of happy couples with good sex lives sleep in seperate rooms. Not quite sure what that's got to do with my post or the OP's. I know they do. But there is nothing in the OP's post that suggests that they are, or at least he is happy You offer it as evidence that they are unhappy. " Yes I do. In the context of the rest of his post it's a fair conclusion and one I stand by But at no point did I suggest that all people who sleep in separate rooms are unhappy so I;m not sure why you've jumped on the comment? | |||
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"Just leave her. You sleep in separate rooms and refer to "quite liking her when you aren't shouting". Who wants to be on a relationship that they at best like and not all the time. For all that you focus on the lack of sex, that sounds such a miserable and lonely existence. What's the point? Plenty of happy couples with good sex lives sleep in seperate rooms. Not quite sure what that's got to do with my post or the OP's. I know they do. But there is nothing in the OP's post that suggests that they are, or at least he is happy You offer it as evidence that they are unhappy. Yes I do. In the context of the rest of his post it's a fair conclusion and one I stand by But at no point did I suggest that all people who sleep in separate rooms are unhappy so I;m not sure why you've jumped on the comment? " It is evidence that they aren't happy. The OP is clearly saying he's not happy, the only thing he is happy about is sleeping in opposite ends of the house. If the OP & his wife were having sex, then they could be a happy couple with a good sex life, sleeping in separate beds. Or they wouldn't...theres still the matter of all the yelling, thats a big indicator of unhappiness | |||
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"I’d disagree. I’ve been meeting a married guy for 18 months. I wouldn’t call it an affair as we aren’t emotionally involved. I stayed at the beginning I wasn’t interested in him leaving his wife. He has no sex life at home and enjoys being with me and exploring new things sexually. He has grown in confidence in the bedroom and learned a few new tricks lol. He enjoys the way that I respond to him touching me and we do have great sex. We don’t meet regularly so when we do meet it’s a lot of fun. Many people have reasons why they stay together but doesn’t mean that they should remain celibate. My question is in the interests of discussion only not a comment on your situation. Is sex a right? Why shouldn't someone he celibate? Lots of people are for various reasons." I was celibate for 6 years. Including a year when I was still married and he left me. So I do know what it’s like to be in that situation. Celibacy isn’t always a choice. I made the comments on my situation to show that it can work. | |||
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"I’d disagree. I’ve been meeting a married guy for 18 months. I wouldn’t call it an affair as we aren’t emotionally involved. I stayed at the beginning I wasn’t interested in him leaving his wife. He has no sex life at home and enjoys being with me and exploring new things sexually. He has grown in confidence in the bedroom and learned a few new tricks lol. He enjoys the way that I respond to him touching me and we do have great sex. We don’t meet regularly so when we do meet it’s a lot of fun. Many people have reasons why they stay together but doesn’t mean that they should remain celibate. Disagree with who. " Disagree with those that think it can’t work. | |||
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"Thanks everyone for taking the time to comment on my original question, your advise has been excellent. I have decided to alter my profile and be more honest in who i am and what i am looking for. I have now come to the conclusion i should not start a relationship with this lovely work colleague as i get the feeling she is looking for maybe more than just sex and i imagine feelings would develop and i would end up in a right pickle and probably homeless to boot. Best to stay within the fab community and be as honest as possible and meet a discreet fuck buddy for mutual pleasure" It works for me | |||
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"Some of you had mentioned being honest so i decided to try this approach. I said you know its been such a long time, can we have sex, she said no, i said why not, she looked at me, shook her right hand up and down and said if you want sex just do it manually to yourself. So i said, ok can i have a girlfriend, she replied yes, great i thought getting somewhere at last. Then she said, make sure she has a house because you will have to leave this one !( a relative of hers is a solicitor). I'm fucked....but remain unfucked" Wow so sorry to hear that OP. Brave move asking her so quickly. I wouldn't regret it because now you know and if you don't ask, you don't get. Its such a tough one. Its easy for us to offer advise and its hard to not sound condicending. There's always 2 sides to every story but from what you say, it sounds very unfair from your wife. Asking for a girlfriend was probably the wrong thing to say, because she easily took offence to you wanting another emotional attachment. Unless that's what you want, in which the best case would be to part ways. By the sounds of it I'm guessing she also wouldn't allow you to seek quick fixes with say prostitutes, because its likely she'd use that against you and really screw you in a court. I truly feel for you. None of us here are qualified to advise you, but you're doing the right thing reaching out to other people. Persoanlly, I don't think You should sacrifice your happiness for the sake of "well its been 10/20 years together, can't change now" but that's just my opinion. There are lots of married couples that simply coexist together. I hope you find your solution OP. | |||
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"Some of you had mentioned being honest so i decided to try this approach. I said you know its been such a long time, can we have sex, she said no, i said why not, she looked at me, shook her right hand up and down and said if you want sex just do it manually to yourself. So i said, ok can i have a girlfriend, she replied yes, great i thought getting somewhere at last. Then she said, make sure she has a house because you will have to leave this one !( a relative of hers is a solicitor). I'm fucked....but remain unfucked" Sounds like she's threatening to take you for every penny she can. You're trapped. Can you keep it amicable and divorce then find someone new? Sounds too risky to fuck anyone in case she finds out. | |||
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"Some of you had mentioned being honest so i decided to try this approach. I said you know its been such a long time, can we have sex, she said no, i said why not, she looked at me, shook her right hand up and down and said if you want sex just do it manually to yourself. So i said, ok can i have a girlfriend, she replied yes, great i thought getting somewhere at last. Then she said, make sure she has a house because you will have to leave this one !( a relative of hers is a solicitor). I'm fucked....but remain unfucked Sounds like she's threatening to take you for every penny she can. You're trapped. Can you keep it amicable and divorce then find someone new? Sounds too risky to fuck anyone in case she finds out. " . I would take legal advice as soon as you can. It sounds like she is several steps ahead of you. | |||
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"Some of you had mentioned being honest so i decided to try this approach. I said you know its been such a long time, can we have sex, she said no, i said why not, she looked at me, shook her right hand up and down and said if you want sex just do it manually to yourself. So i said, ok can i have a girlfriend, she replied yes, great i thought getting somewhere at last. Then she said, make sure she has a house because you will have to leave this one !( a relative of hers is a solicitor). I'm fucked....but remain unfucked" Okay it’s out there now and you can’t take it back so you’re going to have to figure out what your options are. I’d seek legal advice (not advice off here!) about your next steps. I don’t know if you own the house but if you do then of course you have a claim to it and don’t have to move out! | |||
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"It's unfair to have an affair. It's also unfair to withhold sex for 10 years. You promised not to have sex with others on the assumption you would be having sex with each other. Needs to be a chat with your wife though... I'd start with telling her how much you miss intimacy with her.... And if she really shows no interest tell her that you really feel you need it and ask her what she would do in your position" I have to agree with this. Marriage has to be based on trust. You need to know more about why your wife doesn't enjoy sex anymore ... it could be for a variety of reasons. If you know the reasons, then you possibly have the beginnings of a solution. Perhaps she'd enjoy other forms of intimacy and would this be enough for you? Personally, I think it's a risky route to find sex elsewhere without your wife's knowledge and understanding. It is cheating and it'll be in the back of your mind all the time however good it feels. You need to be devious too. This all takes a toll on you and will affect your relationship eventually, perhaps terminally. At the end of the day it's about trust and communication both ways. Without this a relationship is doomed in any case. I would try talking first unless you've already decided your marriage isn't worth keeping. | |||
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" If there are children and she keeps them, yes you are homeless. If not 50 50 split and start afresh. get caught having sex outside marriage UK law is on her side.. ..." Not entirely factually correct by the way. V x | |||
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"Some of you had mentioned being honest so i decided to try this approach. I said you know its been such a long time, can we have sex, she said no, i said why not, she looked at me, shook her right hand up and down and said if you want sex just do it manually to yourself. So i said, ok can i have a girlfriend, she replied yes, great i thought getting somewhere at last. Then she said, make sure she has a house because you will have to leave this one !( a relative of hers is a solicitor). I'm fucked....but remain unfucked Sounds like she's threatening to take you for every penny she can. You're trapped. Can you keep it amicable and divorce then find someone new? Sounds too risky to fuck anyone in case she finds out. . I would take legal advice as soon as you can. It sounds like she is several steps ahead of you. " Now that OP has asked his wife if he can have a girlfriend when she has clearly told him to leave her alone sexually has made matters worse for him. Any resentment she has for him will now be two fold and she will be very suspicious because she now knows he intends to be unfaithful. This will potentially make things worse at home | |||
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"why would anyone use a swinging site for an affair ?? its a swinging site " some things are so cut and dry for some but not for all | |||
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"Some of you had mentioned being honest so i decided to try this approach. I said you know its been such a long time, can we have sex, she said no, i said why not, she looked at me, shook her right hand up and down and said if you want sex just do it manually to yourself. So i said, ok can i have a girlfriend, she replied yes, great i thought getting somewhere at last. Then she said, make sure she has a house because you will have to leave this one !( a relative of hers is a solicitor). I'm fucked....but remain unfucked Sounds like she's threatening to take you for every penny she can. You're trapped. Can you keep it amicable and divorce then find someone new? Sounds too risky to fuck anyone in case she finds out. . I would take legal advice as soon as you can. It sounds like she is several steps ahead of you. Now that OP has asked his wife if he can have a girlfriend when she has clearly told him to leave her alone sexually has made matters worse for him. Any resentment she has for him will now be two fold and she will be very suspicious because she now knows he intends to be unfaithful. This will potentially make things worse at home " this is all conjecture she doesn't care and it kinda doesn't matter anyway he will do what he will do ,these things never really work out for the best ,secret or not | |||
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"I've done a Kendal 20 mile search and there are a few married women looking for fun as hubby is boring and they need sex. It would be funny if it was actually the op"s mrs " I don't think any part of the OPs situation sounds funny at all... | |||
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger. Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce. Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. " The whole transactional, contrived nature of using escorts is disgusting in my view. | |||
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger. Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce. Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. The whole transactional, contrived nature of using escorts is disgusting in my view." Why? | |||
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger. Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce. Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. The whole transactional, contrived nature of using escorts is disgusting in my view. Why?" I prefer something organic and real. If I sleep with someone, I want her to want me, and not my money. | |||
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"Ummmm, I think you misinterpreted bring honest. You asked for sex, she said no. The next question for someone who wanted intimacy with her was to ask why that is, that you really missed being intimate with her and that you wanted to understand why it was that way. As soon as you say can you have it with someone else, it does sound shallow. I think first of all you need to make an effort with her, and if it's not working on a while, then broach that kind of idea" On the face of it though she's making no effort to discover why he wants sex and she doesn't. Communication breakdown is very difficult to deal with and he at least has made the effort. | |||
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger. Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce. Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. The whole transactional, contrived nature of using escorts is disgusting in my view. Why? I prefer something organic and real. If I sleep with someone, I want her to want me, and not my money. " Is swinging organic and real? | |||
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"! I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation . Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. " Ive played with my share of woman in similar situations And trust me mate Honesty with your partner is ALWAYS the best policy, liers always get found out in the end And as someone else pointed out, what if you meet someone that you get feelings for, who makes you happy AMD wants sex, if your lying to your partner it makes that all the more awkward and then for you the resentment sets in | |||
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger. Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce. Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. The whole transactional, contrived nature of using escorts is disgusting in my view. Why? I prefer something organic and real. If I sleep with someone, I want her to want me, and not my money. Is swinging organic and real? " When I've met fellow swingers, no money has been exchanged. Appreciate that there isn't a deep emotional bond, but it's not built on a capitalist principle. | |||
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger. Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce. Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. The whole transactional, contrived nature of using escorts is disgusting in my view. Why? I prefer something organic and real. If I sleep with someone, I want her to want me, and not my money. " They provide a service so maybe OP could take advantage of that. | |||
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"just like me###This doesn’t just apply to men, I am in a completely sexless marriage, for a number of years now. I adore my husband, he’s a wonderful man and father, but I have got to that point now where I don’t feel I want to have sex with him. We live as friends, there’s no real physical intimacy in our relationship. Yes, I should try counselling or even leave him, but I don’t want to. I look elsewhere to satisfy myself physically, I don’t ever enter into an emotional relationship elsewhere, and I find it mostly works for me. Keeps my frustration at a workable level. I appreciate many would slate me for that, but it’s worked for me. Be discreet and sensible, and always have a thought for the bigger picture. " | |||
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"just like me###This doesn’t just apply to men, I am in a completely sexless marriage, for a number of years now. I adore my husband, he’s a wonderful man and father, but I have got to that point now where I don’t feel I want to have sex with him. We live as friends, there’s no real physical intimacy in our relationship. Yes, I should try counselling or even leave him, but I don’t want to. I look elsewhere to satisfy myself physically, I don’t ever enter into an emotional relationship elsewhere, and I find it mostly works for me. Keeps my frustration at a workable level. I appreciate many would slate me for that, but it’s worked for me. Be discreet and sensible, and always have a thought for the bigger picture. " Lisa I mirror that sentiment and fully understand where you come from. No emotions and keep focus on family. Always, always keep a distance between you and Fab Friends beginning with location and ending with just physical and mental attraction. Vapes | |||
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"Well the wife and my best mate managed it for nearly 6months till I found out!" and you joined in as a 3some? | |||
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"Nope walked out and took our son! All of work knew before me, funny thing is that when we split up and our son would be dropped off she’d hang about till he went to sleep then we’d have sex before she went to him lol" I'm not quite sure what the 'lol' is for. So she cheats on you,then when she drops your son back off she has sex with you then goes back to the other guy! Sound's like she's having her cake and eating it,I'd be telling her to f*ck off! | |||
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"Did in the end but found it funny at one point that she was cheating on him with husband! Least her and me talking now! " Swinging may have saved your marriage do you think? | |||
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"I have also o e of these wives that loose interest in sex she just does not want to know any more as soon as it's mentioned she hits the roof o am also sleeping in a different room to her it's like are great relation ship has turned to a big mistake " Alway's be aware it may not be the fact your wife has gone off sex,but that she's gone off sex with you and you alone. She may be crying out for some excitement in the bedroom department. Maybe. | |||
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"I have also o e of these wives that loose interest in sex she just does not want to know any more as soon as it's mentioned she hits the roof o am also sleeping in a different room to her it's like are great relation ship has turned to a big mistake " It's not fair of her to hit the roof every time it's mentioned, that prevents proper discussion and any chance solving the problem. One of you has to approach the subject in a calm and rational way and it looks like its going to have to be you. | |||
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"Well affair we would say NO . Occasional sex with a FB possibly yes . My wife has a friend who married a good looking guy 16 years ago she to is a very attractive lady . As a couple they are pretty well off financially and always have been due to his family business established back in the 50's by his dad . As such they wanted for nothing nice little small holding horses , holidays the lot and no money worries . After 6 months she joked with the wife that sex would be a fine thing always an excuse and laughed it off. Fast forward 2 years and she had two children and they seemed happy . One day when the kids were at nursery she confided in the wife and another friend that sex was now not taking place and she wondered why and were we the same ? and she thought perhaps he didn't fancy her any more , he maybe getting it elsewhere as a few women worked for the business or he may even be gay . She said she had tried to spice it up but he just wasn't interested . Eventually the show down came and she told the wife she confronted him and he basically said I love you loads , I am not gay just because I went to boarding school lol and I am and never would have an affair . He said he was just not really interested in sex and can easily live without it and she believed him and it does seem it was the case, just a very low sex drive. He did go to the DR who said he could give him Viagra but impotence wasn't the issue he just simply had a very low sex drive . The wifes friend in her own words admitted she hadn't got a high sex drive herself but would actually like it once a week at least . They did go to a councillor which was a waste of time too. The lady in question did and does love her husband and she was going to stick with it ...... As time went on she told the wife nothing was improving in that department and it had got that bad that she said when he was at work she used to just pleasure herself occasionally as he wasn't even interested in watching that . Move on another year or so and while out with the wife and other friend she confided that they had come to some sort of agreement it was early days and she would tell them if it worked . Anyway the agreement was she could find a man to fulfil her needs as long as it was discreet .That is what she has done for the last 14 years. Once a fortnight she meets the same guy who lives in the nearest town and spends the day and evening with him and that's fulfils her needs. She has never explained how she found this guy,or really how it all works . The _umours have been rife though and some say its actually not just a guy but a couple and its an agreed threesome scenario and they were friends prior to arrangement . Outwardly and I believe they are very happy as a couple and this works for them as said not sure if its a single guy or as _umour has it a couple she has never really explained other than its not an issue for me anymore and will not discuss it even on a girls night out .We would say you do need that conversation , you do need to ask those questions and you do need to say you would and need sex occasionally and then work form there ie move on or have a discreet friendship with a female with your wifes permission . Pleas don't do anything behind her back as that's just cruel and nasty . " "I am not gay just because I went to boarding school" | |||
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"! I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation . Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. OP I feel your issue. I’m at a similar stage... 3 years and no sexual relations. Mine was a slow reduction but the libido of my wife just expired. She’s a good woman and a tremendous mother... for the kids we make everything else work. I however crave and want a sexual relationship but not an affair. Fab has been wonderful for me in this way however I have always been honest in my profile and when meeting partners. Your wife will know, but won’t speak about it. Dont shit on your own doorstep and be considerate about when and where you meetca partner. There are others in a similar or even exactly the same situation, or then there are partners who will prefer the fact that your choice is to meet, have fun, and move back to a home life with no hang ups. Don’t ever deny yourself it simply isn’t worth it. If you want to direct message for a chat feel free to do so (anyone similar for that matter) I’d happily discuss and maybe try to share advice. Vapes Cumbriamale & Vape999... Im in exactly the same situation and have just come out of a long term "affair" which was based on some watertight ground rules... Feel free to PM for any first hand feedback on how it worked for me. Im just delighted I'm not the only one in this dilemma " Velvetguy I’d call it the same. | |||
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"Sorry but if you can't be honest with your partner then you can't be honest with any one even the person you having an affair with .so no it wrong 100% .And those who knowingly sleep with attached folks with no guilt deserve to be ostracized and shunned " That's quite harsh, almost biblical! | |||
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"Sorry but if you can't be honest with your partner then you can't be honest with any one even the person you having an affair with .so no it wrong 100% .And those who knowingly sleep with attached folks with no guilt deserve to be ostracized and shunned " Clearly you are a lucky man living the ideal life... | |||
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"I've got to ask the question...why have you not had sex for 10 years? Shes just not that keen on it, would rather read a good book or watch the iplayer" Have the following conversation: You: Is sex important in our relationship? Her:No. You: okay It doesn't matter where I get it from then? Her: now you've put it like that, ye I suppose it is important. You: why don't we have sex then? | |||
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"I've got to ask the question...why have you not had sex for 10 years? Shes just not that keen on it, would rather read a good book or watch the iplayer Have the following conversation: You: Is sex important in our relationship? Her:No. You: okay It doesn't matter where I get it from then? Her: now you've put it like that, ye I suppose it is important. You: why don't we have sex then? " It's a conversation starter for sure. | |||
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"Sorry but if you can't be honest with your partner then you can't be honest with any one even the person you having an affair with .so no it wrong 100% .And those who knowingly sleep with attached folks with no guilt deserve to be ostracized and shunned " How judgemental?!! I take it you've never ever done anything wrong in your entire life | |||
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"Sorry but if you can't be honest with your partner then you can't be honest with any one even the person you having an affair with .so no it wrong 100% .And those who knowingly sleep with attached folks with no guilt deserve to be ostracized and shunned " I see you're on a driving ban too, wonder why that was, drink driving? Drugs driving? Dangerous driving? Injured someone? Killed someone? Not so squeaky clean after all then are you. Jeez. | |||
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"! I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation . Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. OP I feel your issue. I’m at a similar stage... 3 years and no sexual relations. Mine was a slow reduction but the libido of my wife just expired. She’s a good woman and a tremendous mother... for the kids we make everything else work. I however crave and want a sexual relationship but not an affair. Fab has been wonderful for me in this way however I have always been honest in my profile and when meeting partners. Your wife will know, but won’t speak about it. Dont shit on your own doorstep and be considerate about when and where you meetca partner. There are others in a similar or even exactly the same situation, or then there are partners who will prefer the fact that your choice is to meet, have fun, and move back to a home life with no hang ups. Don’t ever deny yourself it simply isn’t worth it. If you want to direct message for a chat feel free to do so (anyone similar for that matter) I’d happily discuss and maybe try to share advice. Vapes " it’s good to know i am not the only one in such situation. all the best | |||
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"! I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation . Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. OP I feel your issue. I’m at a similar stage... 3 years and no sexual relations. Mine was a slow reduction but the libido of my wife just expired. She’s a good woman and a tremendous mother... for the kids we make everything else work. I however crave and want a sexual relationship but not an affair. Fab has been wonderful for me in this way however I have always been honest in my profile and when meeting partners. Your wife will know, but won’t speak about it. Dont shit on your own doorstep and be considerate about when and where you meetca partner. There are others in a similar or even exactly the same situation, or then there are partners who will prefer the fact that your choice is to meet, have fun, and move back to a home life with no hang ups. Don’t ever deny yourself it simply isn’t worth it. If you want to direct message for a chat feel free to do so (anyone similar for that matter) I’d happily discuss and maybe try to share advice. Vapes it’s good to know i am not the only one in such situation. all the best" There are so many people in the same situation and unfortunately there is no easy answer. Some spouses/partners don't want sex but then expect their spouse/partner just to accept it and live without sex for the rest of their life, as they also don't want them getting sex elsewhere. That isn't fair, at all, and to that scenario there is no easy answer. One person is not going to be happy. | |||
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"Sorry but if you can't be honest with your partner then you can't be honest with any one even the person you having an affair with .so no it wrong 100% .And those who knowingly sleep with attached folks with no guilt deserve to be ostracized and shunned " And be made to wear a badge. | |||
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