FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swinging Support and Advice

Read but not deleted?

Jump to newest
 

By *armupartist OP   Man
over a year ago

York

Evening all, I fully understand that, 'no reply' to a message/approach means, 'sorry not interested'. In some cases this is clear and unambiguous where my approach has been read and deleted - end of. BUT why are an equal number of messages 'read' but then left 'open'? Does this mean that they are perhaps, still under consideration?

In such cases I tend to add the recipients to my hot list in the hope that one day they might get back to me. Am I deluding myself? It has led to a rather long hotlist. Any thoughts appreciated. Thank you Alan

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Evening all, I fully understand that, 'no reply' to a message/approach means, 'sorry not interested'. In some cases this is clear and unambiguous where my approach has been read and deleted - end of. BUT why are an equal number of messages 'read' but then left 'open'? Does this mean that they are perhaps, still under consideration?

In such cases I tend to add the recipients to my hot list in the hope that one day they might get back to me. Am I deluding myself? It has led to a rather long hotlist. Any thoughts appreciated. Thank you Alan

"

what is the point of hotlisting? If they get back to you they get back to you, if they don't they don't. Awful waste of a hotlist.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Delete all sent messages so ya can't torture yourself over them regardless of what happens to them!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless they have responded, assume they are not interested

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to keep my messages to see who and what I sent or read

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Delete all sent messages so ya can't torture yourself over them regardless of what happens to them!"

I understand the OP, but this is the best way, stops you checking every 10mins to see if they have been read.

If they get back to you, that's when you can get excited

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as above...delete...no answer is no answer, is no answer..anything else is irrelevant..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

As others have said OP if you're going to cogitate on it best bet is to delete sent messages - a read but not deleted message can mean any number of things so best not to read anything into it other than your message has been read!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *llfoursWoman
over a year ago

north east


"Unless they have responded, assume they are not interested "

This

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hropsDuoCouple
over a year ago

Shropshire

We often read messages, then don't bother deleting, for no other reason than laziness!

Never thought about the sender reading anything into that... maybe need to make more of an effort to delete

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *armupartist OP   Man
over a year ago

York

Thanks all, the consensus is strongly in favour of deleting once read and thinning out my hot list. Can't say I have been 'torturing' myself over unanswered but read messages, I was more curious about whether this is yet another bit of Fab etiquette. I would have thought it would be more straight forward to have a 'thank you, but no thank you' button. Whatever, thank you again and time to spring clean my hotlist!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *unlovingx2Couple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

We don't reply for many reasons. Most not because and I repeat not because were not interested. Most because if sheer volume. A large whack because we have friend at the moment, lots because we are busy at the time and just on grabbing a quick peek, and when you do log back on sheer volume again, and lastly grabbing a quick look in bed when tbh were too tired to give a decent responce.

I think a lot of messages are just when they arrive and pot luck , depending on circumstance.

I will say if you message more than once over time it's quite flattering and says your deffo interested and prepared to wait....not bad qualities that in our case will end up with a reply and taking things forward. As is the case with current friend.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

We often save messages so if the person comes back we can take a quick look to see what was said previously.

You would be amazed at how dates etc change from message to message.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hardly ever delete my messages.. if i was interested id reply right away.. just beacuse a message isnt deleted doesnt mean much really

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I hardly ever delete my messages.. if i was interested id reply right away.. just beacuse a message isnt deleted doesnt mean much really"

Ah but some men on here see it as a glimmer of hope

I persoanlly block someone if I have had no repley after a day or so.

Saves me from bothering them again

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iversong321Woman
over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside


"I hardly ever delete my messages.. if i was interested id reply right away.. just beacuse a message isnt deleted doesnt mean much really"

Same with me. Sometimes I am just too lazy to delete my messages. I may wait and have a mass ckear out. If I was interested and you caught my eye you would get a reply.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"Delete all sent messages so ya can't torture yourself over them regardless of what happens to them!"

Exactly this; I have a two week limit on messages, either read or unread, I then just delete. If they come back to me fine, take it from there. If they read my message but choose to not respond, I pop a note in the private notes section to remind me what happened before, and save me sending any further messages

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull


"Evening all, I fully understand that, 'no reply' to a message/approach means, 'sorry not interested'. In some cases this is clear and unambiguous where my approach has been read and deleted - end of. BUT why are an equal number of messages 'read' but then left 'open'? Does this mean that they are perhaps, still under consideration?

In such cases I tend to add the recipients to my hot list in the hope that one day they might get back to me. Am I deluding myself? It has led to a rather long hotlist. Any thoughts appreciated. Thank you Alan

"

You're Delusional for sure

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're over thinking it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Delete all sent messages so ya can't torture yourself over them regardless of what happens to them!

Exactly this; I have a two week limit on messages, either read or unread, I then just delete. If they come back to me fine, take it from there. If they read my message but choose to not respond, I pop a note in the private notes section to remind me what happened before, and save me sending any further messages "

An excellent design for living in regard to messages sent, you should copy-write it and sell it on!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"Delete all sent messages so ya can't torture yourself over them regardless of what happens to them!

Exactly this; I have a two week limit on messages, either read or unread, I then just delete. If they come back to me fine, take it from there. If they read my message but choose to not respond, I pop a note in the private notes section to remind me what happened before, and save me sending any further messages

An excellent design for living in regard to messages sent, you should copy-write it and sell it on!"

Thank you! Hopefully posting in here will help others

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We often read messages, then don't bother deleting, for no other reason than laziness!

Never thought about the sender reading anything into that... maybe need to make more of an effort to delete "

Same here.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

I leave them as read then do a bulk delete off all read messages. If I was considering their message I would mark it as unread.

So basically unless I reply I'm not interested.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *m3232Man
over a year ago

maidenhead

It’s odd why people don’t just delete if not interested as it’s not exactly hard to delete on here is it.

Read delete =not interested to me.

Read but not delete should mean maybe interested but it now appears it means I am to lazy to tap the screen.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never delete my messages. I try and open them all, and if I don’t reply, I’m not interested. Simple.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s odd why people don’t just delete if not interested as it’s not exactly hard to delete on here is it.

Read delete =not interested to me.

Read but not delete should mean maybe interested but it now appears it means I am to lazy to tap the screen. "

Why check your sent messages? If you message someone and they reply.. good if they dont.. move on.. its that simple, why should i have to delete somthing on MY profile if i dont want to?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ampshirehotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire

I'm very good at reading messages and then going to do something else and forgetting to answer...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ntense funCouple
over a year ago

glasgow


"You're over thinking it"

Totally agree

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *xycpl699Couple
over a year ago

kilmarnock


"I'm very good at reading messages and then going to do something else and forgetting to answer... "
yes I do that to

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate


"It’s odd why people don’t just delete if not interested as it’s not exactly hard to delete on here is it.

Read delete =not interested to me.

Read but not delete should mean maybe interested but it now appears it means I am to lazy to tap the screen. "

No it means I want to leave the message undeleted to piss off the people who dictate what I should do with messages

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

I normally copy and paste my message into a private note on the irregulars profile, along with any or no response.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *armupartist OP   Man
over a year ago

York

As the OP I wasn't in anyway suggesting that there should be a 'diktat' about how messages are answered but just trying to get a handle on the general etiquette. There are clearly different approaches and reasons for 'reading' but not 'deleting'. In future I will send my messages out 'into the ether' and leave it at that and should I be lucky enough to attract a response, add them to my hotlist at that time. Doubtless such a hotlist will be very small but as an older man and married (which I am up front about in my profile) I wouldn't expect queues to be forming anyway. Thanks all for your responses, and if you are interested in an older man............!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top