FabSwingers.com forum: Being a girl is rubbish!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

... ok, so that’s a massive gender stereotype! Sorry.

But here goes!

I hate that I can’t seem to have a regular FWB set up, without my emotions getting involved eventually! How do I detach from it all, like men always seem to be able to?! I’d like to be the cool, distant one for a change!

Thanks for any ideas/ thoughts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"... ok, so that’s a massive gender stereotype! Sorry.

But here goes!

Thanks for any ideas/ thoughts

Its always difficult and not only women have this difficulty. Some people need an emotional connection to have fun with someone. The down side is that you open yourself to other feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"... ok, so that’s a massive gender stereotype! Sorry.

But here goes!

Thanks for any ideas/ thoughts

Find someone who wants more and have more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have found myself in a similar position in the past. I guess its natural.....but all i can say is try n remember great sex isnt the same love etc

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"... ok, so that’s a massive gender stereotype! Sorry.

But here goes!

Thanks for any ideas/ thoughts

Its always difficult and not only women have this difficulty. Some people need an emotional connection to have fun with someone. The down side is that you open yourself to other feelings.

You’re right, I think I’m always drawn to an emotional connection- it feels much sexier! Maybe I’m not cut out for being a fuck buddy! Grrrrr... and yes, I know it’s not just women who have this issue- I was being flippant

thanks for the reply x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"... ok, so that’s a massive gender stereotype! Sorry.

But here goes!

Thanks for any ideas/ thoughts

Find someone who wants more and have more"

Hmmmm that’s an idea... not proving easy!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have found myself in a similar position in the past. I guess its natural.....but all i can say is try n remember great sex isnt the same love etc"

Good advice... I get fooled by that! Great sex always means connection, that’s where I get confused x

Just for my reputation though, may I just clarify- I’m not as emotionally needy as I may be coming across!!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"... ok, so that’s a massive gender stereotype! Sorry.

But here goes!

Thanks for any ideas/ thoughts

Why do you feel you need a sexual arrangement that doesn't involve emotions? If that's the way you're wired you're not going to change it easily and probably a FWB set up won't suit you.

I know if I was single it wouldn't suit me.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

If you're going to meet someone regularly, set your mental boundaries from the off. Know where you stand with each other. Be strong. You can be fond of someone without falling in love with them!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"... ok, so that’s a massive gender stereotype! Sorry.

But here goes!

Thanks for any ideas/ thoughts

Why do you feel you need a sexual arrangement that doesn't involve emotions? If that's the way you're wired you're not going to change it easily and probably a FWB set up won't suit you.

I know if I was single it wouldn't suit me."

Maybe you’re right! I love the idea of the FWB thing, but keep falling into the same scenario... I guess it’s not a bad thing to want more, I just need to find the right places to look (probably not here if that’s the conclusion!

) x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"... ok, so that’s a massive gender stereotype! Sorry.

But here goes!

Thanks for any ideas/ thoughts

Why do you feel you need a sexual arrangement that doesn't involve emotions? If that's the way you're wired you're not going to change it easily and probably a FWB set up won't suit you.

I know if I was single it wouldn't suit me.

) x"

Is it maybe that social conditioning tells you that sex without commitment is a bad thing if you're a woman?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you're going to meet someone regularly, set your mental boundaries from the off. Know where you stand with each other. Be strong. You can be fond of someone without falling in love with them!

Yep, I either need strong boundaries that I stick to... or to admit to myself that I want a connection! x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"... ok, so that’s a massive gender stereotype! Sorry.

But here goes!

Thanks for any ideas/ thoughts

Why do you feel you need a sexual arrangement that doesn't involve emotions? If that's the way you're wired you're not going to change it easily and probably a FWB set up won't suit you.

I know if I was single it wouldn't suit me.

) x

Is it maybe that social conditioning tells you that sex without commitment is a bad thing if you're a woman?"

That’s an interesting thought... I don’t really know! I never feel bad about myself as a woman... I just find myself missing them and wanting them to want me in a different way!

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

I believe you have to accept yourself, love yourself, work on yourself, develop yourself and learn to accept the things you can't change about yourself.

Focus on yourself and paint a mental picture of how you want to be and work smart to achieve this picture.

It is very difficult for ladies but you will need confidence and you will need to look at the interaction with the opposite sex as a game , nothing serious. If deep down inside you, you know you are looking for a relationship then some of the things I have said might be impossible to do.

You can't really compare yourself to guys because smart thinking guys get better with age.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you find out how, let me know please

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By *upcake99Woman
over a year ago

South Wales.

"... ok, so that’s a massive gender stereotype! Sorry.

But here goes!

Thanks for any ideas/ thoughts

I'm glad I'm not the only 1 with the same issue...

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By *8m00kWoman
over a year ago

balby

Id love the answers to this... i used to be able to fuck without feelings till the last 6 months. Now i just try and distance myself from this lifestyle as its obvious to myself that this isnt enough anymore...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"... ok, so that’s a massive gender stereotype! Sorry.

But here goes!

Thanks for any ideas/ thoughts

I'm glad I'm not the only 1 with the same issue..."

So when I was a swinger as a single lady, I did meet guys but towards the end it became hollow. I always went home on my own, missed hugs. This time around I have my boyfriend who is happy for me to play and get that side. With him I get my emotional fixes, I don't feel that hollow sense

I think maybe if you had a fwb but they were actually there for you with cuddles and available for chats. However finding someone like that might be tricky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Could be worse you could be Theresa May ... or is she a mman in drag

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have found myself in a similar position in the past. I guess its natural.....but all i can say is try n remember great sex isnt the same love etc

Good advice... I get fooled by that! Great sex always means connection, that’s where I get confused x

Just for my reputation though, may I just clarify- I’m not as emotionally needy as I may be coming across!!

It’s not just you honest !

I also form a connection and have good sex most women do whether they know it or not same thing to me more sex with same guy brings on feelings along with good sex then confusion as I struggle to separate !!

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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago

Maidstone

"That’s an interesting thought... I don’t really know! I never feel bad about myself as a woman... I just find myself missing them and wanting them to want me in a different way! "

Ditto... I had a stumble just after Christmas / New Year when my FwB and I spent a whole week together, watching movies, bumming around... I got all moody with him and wanted more...

We talked about it - and he said he can't handle the "soppy Suzie" and liked the "fun and fresh" Suzie more. He's right as a relationship with him would just be a disaster. So my new year resolution is to be "fun, fresh and fucking fabulous" !!! So much so I've met another guy and we're hitting it off...

The foresaid FwB isn't happy... :o(

So... with your FwB, enjoy the sex, the company, cuddles etc but stop there. Tell yourself you can get MORE sex, MORE fun, MORE cuddles from someone else. Variety is the Spice Girl-friend...!

You know the saying... "you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince"...? Well keep 'em comin' honey....! Lol...!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That’s an interesting thought... I don’t really know! I never feel bad about myself as a woman... I just find myself missing them and wanting them to want me in a different way!

Ditto... I had a stumble just after Christmas / New Year when my FwB and I spent a whole week together, watching movies, bumming around... I got all moody with him and wanted more...

The foresaid FwB isn't happy... :o(

So... with your FwB, enjoy the sex, the company, cuddles etc but stop there. Tell yourself you can get MORE sex, MORE fun, MORE cuddles from someone else. Variety is the Spice Girl-friend...!

You know the saying... "you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince"...? Well keep 'em comin' honey....! Lol...!"

This is gonna be my new mantra ! Literally told my fuck buddy Tuesday I was getting the feels.... he was left speechless, so I had to walk away

Interviews are now open for a replacement

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It is about developing and training yourself - and your partners - to behave differently. Take it one step at a time and end relationships if they work against your objectives, if you can't get them back on track.

Experiment, so that you get more information/experience of options. Frequency of meeting, how many fbs you have simultaneously, how long meets last - there are lots of things you can adjust to see the effects. The big variable is the type of person you are picking - vary it, particularly away from someone you'd be falling for. It's OK to have someone with one terrible feature that would mean you'd never date them - you're just fbs, so it isn't a barrier like a boyfriend.

Most of the ideas should come from you. Make sense rules and test them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe take a break, it can give you a different perspective. If you want more hold out for more, but don’t look for it here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That’s an interesting thought... I don’t really know! I never feel bad about myself as a woman... I just find myself missing them and wanting them to want me in a different way!

Ditto... I had a stumble just after Christmas / New Year when my FwB and I spent a whole week together, watching movies, bumming around... I got all moody with him and wanted more...

The foresaid FwB isn't happy... :o(

So... with your FwB, enjoy the sex, the company, cuddles etc but stop there. Tell yourself you can get MORE sex, MORE fun, MORE cuddles from someone else. Variety is the Spice Girl-friend...!

You know the saying... "you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince"...? Well keep 'em comin' honey....! Lol...!"

I bloody love this response... thank you for making me smile

I’m going to aim for ‘fun fresh and fucking fabulous’ too!! x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks so much for all the responses here... I can’t reply to all of them, but lots of sensible things that I need to think about too

It’s nice to know that I’m not the only person who gets into this tangle

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

What's wrong with emotions?

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

Sex and or love (an affair) is like golf. Don’t take it seriously and it’s no real fun. Take it seriously and it can break your heart.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

for me its easy.

fuck buddies i dont stay and they dont stay.

fwb is friends who fuck. i may like them but i dont have emotions for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember reading somewhere that when women have sex their brain produces bonding hormones. It's how evolution has made us to ensure pairing to raise children.

I always thought there was something wrong with me as ive never felt it. For me sex is an enjoyable act that fulfils a need. Emotion doesn't come into it.

Celestine x

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By *ollyGWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"if you find out how, let me know please"

And me..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Iam married but I did a fb at club that I played alot with,no matter how good the sex was I told myself all the time it's just a fuck,I used him to get myself off.took what I could.I call the shots....I love the fact I can go to a club and to pick a guy to use then just go home.we are singers and it's fun sex....nothing more than that.

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By *akingTheClungeMan
over a year ago

Havant

Be like the majority of women OP and you'll be fine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"... ok, so that’s a massive gender stereotype! Sorry.

But here goes!

Thanks for any ideas/ thoughts

Not read through responses so apologies if these have already been suggested.

1. It's not just ladies who need a connection...many of us men do and many of us won't have sex if there isn't any. (I'm sure you knew that anyways x)

2. Find someone whom may make it more difficult to become attached too. A married guy, maybe look for 2 fbs, don't meet socially -just for good sex and then go.

3. Set ground rules early on.

4. Remind yourself regularly that they are there for sex not a relationship.

There's more others have mentioned I'm sure.

Hope these help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know exactly how you feel.

My FWB has finished with me after a year. I am hurting like hell.

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