FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swinging Support and Advice

Code words

Jump to newest
 

By *heDuchessandTheDriver OP   Couple
over a year ago

Eccles

Hi guys,

We’ve been having a discussion about code words and how to get out of situations you don’t want to be in when in clubs and whatnot. We’ve both been on the scene a while but only been a couple for a short time. We both like clubs but we’re struggling with how to let the other know if we’re interested/not interested in a particular couple or single man once we’re in a conversation with them. How do you guys get around this situation without being blatant or rude about it? We’re both quite confident and would be very firm if we were in danger or something but for those times when you don’t want to offend or be really obvious, we’re a bit clueless.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inchyorksMan
over a year ago

huddersfield

A simple 'no thanks' as most clubs will tell new members that a polite no is polite no, or if already playing a polite 'stop I/we are not comfortable'

If any one takes offence at this then it their issue not yours!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we are in a situation that one of us is uncomfortable then we just say something from the past, you remind me of someone, or this reminds me of a certain time, that's the trigger line...if one is not happy mention something from the past. ..we find it works

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *heDuchessandTheDriver OP   Couple
over a year ago

Eccles


"If we are in a situation that one of us is uncomfortable then we just say something from the past, you remind me of someone, or this reminds me of a certain time, that's the trigger line...if one is not happy mention something from the past. ..we find it works "

That’s not a bad idea at all! Thanks x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ecretpassion100Couple
over a year ago

Walsall

We use suttle eye contact so i know when mrs sp is not comfortable by the look she gives me . Simple but effective

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

Eye contact here too. We've been together a long time so we find we tend to know what the other is thinking just from body language or eye contact.

You could use non-verbal signals like a leg or arm squeeze as well. Someone enters the play room - 1 squeeze for 'I want to play' ... 2 for 'no thanks'. Or touching a part of the body. Scratch your nose means you want out of there.

It's just a case of keeping your signals simple and obvious so you don't have to do a long string of passwords and funny handshakes to get your meaning across

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *estinysswingersCouple
over a year ago

Worsley

This doesn't happen often as we can usually tell from each others non-verbal cues that one of us isn't feeling it but when that doesn't work we usually just whisper something into the other's ear and then we can make a polite excuse.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"This doesn't happen often as we can usually tell from each others non-verbal cues that one of us isn't feeling it but when that doesn't work we usually just whisper something into the other's ear and then we can make a polite excuse. "

We can normally tell from non verbal communication too. Otherwise we have an agreement that we never say yes to anyone until we have had an opportunity to talk privately to each other. I don't think code words etc are a good idea, it leads to ambiguity and mistaken interpretation of signals. Much better for one or the other to ask for a brief moment alone then return to the people and tell them "no thank you" or " yes please".

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *r C Miss CCouple
over a year ago

llanelli

Stop what your doing right now. Should be enough. But if you only want your partner to know your not happy then yoy should have a safe word discussed before hand... ""sminger"" is a good one lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its a bit james bond

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *heDuchessandTheDriver OP   Couple
over a year ago

Eccles

Some really good ideas, thanks. We’re good with a straight “no thanks” in the appropriate situation, it’s more me gauging whether my partner wants to play or not and he with me without appearing rude to whoever we’re talking to.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eforfuncplCouple
over a year ago

Morecambe


"We use suttle eye contact so i know when mrs sp is not comfortable by the look she gives me . Simple but effective "
yup we have that inner built sense too

The eyes say it all lol x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If speaking to people in clubs etc We generally know just by each other's body language but we squeeze each others hand so that means yes to who ever we are talking to so we both know for sure its what we want ....if one of us doesn't squeeze then we just say no thankyou and move on . Xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

We use eye contact too, and do a subtle wink, to each other if we like them. If the other doesn't wink, it's a 'no'.

But we both tend to know anyway, or we approach people who we have agreed we both like.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

The regular squeeze and I discussed it when we started going to the occasional club together and he came up with the idea of us using nicknames for each other we would never normally say in a 'let's not offend but I need to get out of this situation right now' kind of way. We've never needed to use it but as a subtle way of slipping a codeword in without shouting 'thimble' or something I thought that was a pretty good idea.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Before now I have asked if they are hot. If they say they are comfortable, I know they are fine. If they say they are hot, I suggest we get some air, or have a walk around.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *egin551Couple
over a year ago

south west !

We use our middle names for situations we don’t want to be in also we both have a ‘help’ word that we only know about, just in case someone doesn’t take no for an answer.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"We use our middle names for situations we don’t want to be in also we both have a ‘help’ word that we only know about, just in case someone doesn’t take no for an answer."

If someone doesn't take no for an answer we don't have a help word we have a very loud "fuck off" word that immediately alerts our partner. I don't think those sort of people are deserving of discretion.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *egin551Couple
over a year ago

south west !


"We use our middle names for situations we don’t want to be in also we both have a ‘help’ word that we only know about, just in case someone doesn’t take no for an answer.

If someone doesn't take no for an answer we don't have a help word we have a very loud "fuck off" word that immediately alerts our partner. I don't think those sort of people are deserving of discretion."

Oh believe me we’ve used that as well.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"We use our middle names for situations we don’t want to be in also we both have a ‘help’ word that we only know about, just in case someone doesn’t take no for an answer.

If someone doesn't take no for an answer we don't have a help word we have a very loud "fuck off" word that immediately alerts our partner. I don't think those sort of people are deserving of discretion.

Oh believe me we’ve used that as well.

"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

I find no thanks I'm not interested and if you fucking do that works, saying that I have a look too!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *atinocouple80Couple
over a year ago

London


"We use suttle eye contact so i know when mrs sp is not comfortable by the look she gives me . Simple but effective "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We grab the others little finger if uncomfortable in a situation

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we’re asked if we want to go to a room neither of us will say yes until we’ve looked into each other’s eyes or even said ‘do we?’

If we don’t we say ‘sorry’ and add a not just now. Or we’ve just played and need a rest or whatever.

If we sense an invite coming we don’t want we say we’re thirsty, going to go to the bar. Something like that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *addybear_purplehazyCouple
over a year ago

Worthing

I used to work in a betting shop and we used greyhound trap numbers as code for certain kinds of customer.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I used to work in a betting shop and we used greyhound trap numbers as code for certain kinds of customer."

we used to say "I've got a live one"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *irty130Couple
over a year ago

Bristol Area

Saying something that only your partner would know that you would never usually say, but in normal conversation. Like someone said above - using a cutesy nickname or middle name to address your partner. We have something like this - but it's actually not that!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

C u next Tuesday

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *errysMan
over a year ago

milton keynes and kent

I love it when (usually in a group situation) one half says ooh i need a drink (being the code phrase) and some smart arse bloke jumps in and offers up a drink.

When this happens the look on the face of the one who said it is such a picture. lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *isty286Couple
over a year ago

Dorset

We find a simple head movement to each other is the easiest one, subtle nod yes or no.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *affquestCouple
over a year ago

Rotherham

Whichever one of us isn’t interested just says I need the toilet and wanders off. Other generally says me too and follows. No one can argue with that and it gets you straight out of the situation .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *affquestCouple
over a year ago

Rotherham


"We use eye contact too, and do a subtle wink, to each other if we like them. If the other doesn't wink, it's a 'no'.

But we both tend to know anyway, or we approach people who we have agreed we both like."

You gorgeous couple could give us a subtle wink anytime x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *exymidscouple2017Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

We know what each other likes and can tell straight away if anyone who shows an interest is/are not for us. We simply make polite small talk and say let's have a walk around. Then politely leave saying see you around. We never really speak to anyone longer than 5 mins if we're not interested. After all we can chat socially in a pub. We're at the club for a reason, to look for playmates.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

After being together nearly 30 years we pretty well know each others likes and dislikes so very little communication is required but we do have a few buzz words for those very few occasions when it is not obvious.

After which we simply say 'no thank you'

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi guys,

We’ve been having a discussion about code words and how to get out of situations you don’t want to be in when in clubs and whatnot. We’ve both been on the scene a while but only been a couple for a short time. We both like clubs but we’re struggling with how to let the other know if we’re interested/not interested in a particular couple or single man once we’re in a conversation with them. How do you guys get around this situation without being blatant or rude about it? We’re both quite confident and would be very firm if we were in danger or something but for those times when you don’t want to offend or be really obvious, we’re a bit clueless. "

If it's a no from either of you, just give your partners knee a touch or squeeze. Just looks like an affectionate moment. Then towards the end, thank them for the chat and just say you're now off to mingle and chat more with others.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top