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Fet' nights at clubs? | |||
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"Just check out all the profiles named '50shades...' or 'Christian...' or similar.... Oh wait, you want a real dom'
Fet' nights at clubs? "
I avoid those profiles at all costs lol
I don't get to clubs much these days unfortunately but always on the lookout when I do | |||
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"Try fet-life or a site that caters for that relationship, I found my new submissive on another site. " Thanks  | |||
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"Try fet-life or a site that caters for that relationship, I found my new submissive on another site. Thanks "Get yourself to a local Munch, most towns have one! | |||
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"Try fet-life or a site that caters for that relationship, I found my new submissive on another site. Thanks "Get yourself to a local Munch, most towns have one! | |||
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"Try fet-life or a site that caters for that relationship, I found my new submissive on another site. Thanks
Get yourself to a local Munch, most towns have one!"Thanks, I have zero idea about the fet scene where I live now  | |||
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"Looking for some advice guys and girls! I've had D/S relationships/arrangements in the past, but they've always happened naturally and either through fab or meeting someone at a club/event. I've been open to a new dom for a while now but just don't seem to come across that many who are genuine these days. I know there are lots out there but where can I find them? " I hope you find that special one. Your profile and your op post give mixed messages. You say you are/do switch, that's fine, but a Dom who doesn't switch would probably have difficulty with that. Is that the reason why you are finding a Dom a challenge? Fet-life is a good place to look maybe for a male switch, just a thought. | |||
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"Looking for some advice guys and girls! I've had D/S relationships/arrangements in the past, but they've always happened naturally and either through fab or meeting someone at a club/event. I've been open to a new dom for a while now but just don't seem to come across that many who are genuine these days. I know there are lots out there but where can I find them? I hope you find that special one. Your profile and your op post give mixed messages. You say you are/do switch, that's fine, but a Dom who doesn't switch would probably have difficulty with that. Is that the reason why you are finding a Dom a challenge? Fet-life is a good place to look maybe for a male switch, just a thought." Totally get where you're coming from...I'm rarely submissive when it comes to swinging, the two are sepetate things for me for the most part... I've not been actively looking on here, or anywhere yet really. As I said, it's always come about organically in the past so actually seeking it is a totally new thing | |||
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"ive found a lot of so called doms are just aggressive bullies , choose carefully op " Thanks, I think (hope ) I have enough experience to suss out the knobbers | |||
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"I would agree with fet nights. If you can't get to the nights then maybe a "munch" i just found the bath munch after a quick google. a munch being a group of kinky people in a pub etc. I guess some people would see this post and contact you , but then I also guess out of 100 contacts only 3 will be what you are looking for. Listen to other people. My experience of the bdsm scene is that whilst most (especially in club events) are the nicest of people , there are a few nasties out there preditors and abusers. I have met a few." I used to attend munch with an ex dom, so will definitely look into that! | |||
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"Just check out all the profiles named '50shades...' or 'Christian...' or similar.... Oh wait, you want a real dom'
Fet' nights at clubs? "So very very true!! Ruins it for those genuinely into the scene OP fantastic pictures | |||
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"Just check out all the profiles named '50shades...' or 'Christian...' or similar.... Oh wait, you want a real dom'
Fet' nights at clubs?
So very very true!!
Ruins it for those genuinely into the scene
OP fantastic pictures "Odd, I find it makes the people who are active stand out more. Just an opinion.  | |||
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"Looking for some advice guys and girls! I've had D/S relationships/arrangements in the past, but they've always happened naturally and either through fab or meeting someone at a club/event. I've been open to a new dom for a while now but just don't seem to come across that many who are genuine these days. I know there are lots out there but where can I find them? " At fetish clubs. | |||
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"ive found a lot of so called doms are just aggressive bullies , choose carefully op " Yes! Seems to be on here....get messages all the time expecting me to fall over myself and agree to meet just because they want to “spank me hard and force you to gag on my cock” ....etc etc...methinks they watch too much porn.... | |||
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"ive found a lot of so called doms are just aggressive bullies , choose carefully op Yes! Seems to be on here....get messages all the time expecting me to fall over myself and agree to meet just because they want to “spank me hard and force you to gag on my cock” ....etc etc...methinks they watch too much porn...." Lol exactly | |||
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"What makes a Dom genuine or not? I didn't think it was for me until a Sub showed me the ropes. Pun maybe or maybe not intended. I think of myself as finding my feet. Probably not what most genuine subs seek. Experience being preferred of course. On the flip side I am very mouldable to fit needs. Not offering myself up but maybe saying keep an open mind. People are too quick to attack 50 shades fans. Everybody starts somewhere. The ones who are bullies aren't so because of the book or the film. They were already wired up wrong." That's a fair point you make. I know when I started out in kink I was very naive. I stumbled upon a real Dom and presumed it would be like Mr Grey. It was a massive learning curve for me and one I've continued to explore from both a Dom and sub angle but I still wouldn't consider myself experienced enough to take someone under my wing. As you say, we all have to start somewhere! X | |||
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"What I meant by genuine is people with a true understanding, not "doms" who think they can do what they like to me on a first meet...." Although some people do enjoy that kind of casual BDSM, so it's really just a case of making things clear in pre-meet negotiation. | |||
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"What I meant by genuine is people with a true understanding, not "doms" who think they can do what they like to me on a first meet.... Although some people do enjoy that kind of casual BDSM, so it's really just a case of making things clear in pre-meet negotiation." I always make myself crystal clear before any kind of meet...but as I said, I've not been looking for doms on here. | |||
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"What makes a Dom genuine or not? I didn't think it was for me until a Sub showed me the ropes. Pun maybe or maybe not intended. I think of myself as finding my feet. Probably not what most genuine subs seek. Experience being preferred of course. On the flip side I am very mouldable to fit needs. Not offering myself up but maybe saying keep an open mind. People are too quick to attack 50 shades fans. Everybody starts somewhere. The ones who are bullies aren't so because of the book or the film. They were already wired up wrong. That's a fair point you make. I know when I started out in kink I was very naive. I stumbled upon a real Dom and presumed it would be like Mr Grey. It was a massive learning curve for me and one I've continued to explore from both a Dom and sub angle but I still wouldn't consider myself experienced enough to take someone under my wing. As you say, we all have to start somewhere! X" Learning about what I am comfortable with and what excites me is the main thing. A crucial part of that process is seeing the pleasure of the other person. That sum's me up in any aspect of sexual encounters. Seeing the look of lust when someone trusts you enough to give themselves to you completely and taking absolute pleasure from it is a ridiculous rush. That alone spurs me on to new discoveries and opens my mind to experiences. I don't refer to that on my profile lightly. | |||
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"Fetlife is your best bet or get yourself to Cardiff and i'll instruct you " Wow, what an offer! | |||
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"What I meant by genuine is people with a true understanding, not "doms" who think they can do what they like to me on a first meet.... Although some people do enjoy that kind of casual BDSM, so it's really just a case of making things clear in pre-meet negotiation. I always make myself crystal clear before any kind of meet...but as I said, I've not been looking for doms on here." Are you now going to or not? You have said already you keep swinging seperate. I understand more targeted websites or clubs are more likely where you will find what you are looking for. A question to you and anyone else who wants to answer. Would you see fab as an absolute none starter in this respect? Maybe you have experienced knobbers, I think the term you used, already on here. Or maybe it is simply too generic. | |||
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"What I meant by genuine is people with a true understanding, not "doms" who think they can do what they like to me on a first meet.... Although some people do enjoy that kind of casual BDSM, so it's really just a case of making things clear in pre-meet negotiation. I always make myself crystal clear before any kind of meet...but as I said, I've not been looking for doms on here. Are you now going to or not? You have said already you keep swinging seperate. I understand more targeted websites or clubs are more likely where you will find what you are looking for. A question to you and anyone else who wants to answer. Would you see fab as an absolute none starter in this respect? Maybe you have experienced knobbers, I think the term you used, already on here. Or maybe it is simply too generic." Probably not, no. I'm experienced, just not in finding what I'm after, it's always found me. It's something that takes a lot of time and trust, that level of which I rarely come across on here. | |||
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"Fetlife is your best bet or get yourself to Cardiff and i'll instruct you Wow, what an offer! "Join the queue Lucy x | |||
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"What I meant by genuine is people with a true understanding, not "doms" who think they can do what they like to me on a first meet...." Also exactly this! A Dom/sub relationship takes time to develop organically ....it is not forced  | |||
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"Fetlife is your best bet or get yourself to Cardiff and i'll instruct you Wow, what an offer!
Join the queue Lucy x"Hey! I got banned for mentioning the website! ....stomps off and sulks..... | |||
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" A question to you and anyone else who wants to answer. Would you see fab as an absolute none starter in this respect? Maybe you have experienced knobbers, I think the term you used, already on here. Or maybe it is simply too generic." I used to use Fab for meeting for kink on a regular basis a few years back. You do have to trawl through alot of profiles. Other sites aren't always very good at searching for people, so if you can find people on here into kink you can usually ask for their profile on other sites and go from there. | |||
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"What I meant by genuine is people with a true understanding, not "doms" who think they can do what they like to me on a first meet.... Although some people do enjoy that kind of casual BDSM, so it's really just a case of making things clear in pre-meet negotiation. I always make myself crystal clear before any kind of meet...but as I said, I've not been looking for doms on here. Are you now going to or not? You have said already you keep swinging seperate. I understand more targeted websites or clubs are more likely where you will find what you are looking for. A question to you and anyone else who wants to answer. Would you see fab as an absolute none starter in this respect? Maybe you have experienced knobbers, I think the term you used, already on here. Or maybe it is simply too generic. Probably not, no. I'm experienced, just not in finding what I'm after, it's always found me. It's something that takes a lot of time and trust, that level of which I rarely come across on here." Yup totally understand that. Exactly the answer I expected. | |||
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" A question to you and anyone else who wants to answer. Would you see fab as an absolute none starter in this respect? Maybe you have experienced knobbers, I think the term you used, already on here. Or maybe it is simply too generic. I used to use Fab for meeting for kink on a regular basis a few years back. You do have to trawl through alot of profiles. Other sites aren't always very good at searching for people, so if you can find people on here into kink you can usually ask for their profile on other sites and go from there." That makes perfect sense. I have considered joining the site mentioned in this thread. I just don't consider that side of myself progressed enough to do so as yet. | |||
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" A question to you and anyone else who wants to answer. Would you see fab as an absolute none starter in this respect? Maybe you have experienced knobbers, I think the term you used, already on here. Or maybe it is simply too generic. I used to use Fab for meeting for kink on a regular basis a few years back. You do have to trawl through alot of profiles. Other sites aren't always very good at searching for people, so if you can find people on here into kink you can usually ask for their profile on other sites and go from there. That makes perfect sense. I have considered joining the site mentioned in this thread. I just don't consider that side of myself progressed enough to do so as yet." I had a profile on there years ago....couldn't get on with the site and so it just never got used | |||
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to be useless for making new connections.
And anyway a fantastic profile on a web site rarely translates to a fantastic partner for you in the flesh IME.
Most munches tend to be quite small and unrepresentative of the local kink scene I find but are useful for the social networking that makes attending events possible.
Ultimately there is no substitute for face to face. | |||
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"I find that other site to be useless for making new connections.
And anyway a fantastic profile on a web site rarely translates to a fantastic partner for you in the flesh IME.
Most munches tend to be quite small and unrepresentative of the local kink scene I find but are useful for the social networking that makes attending events possible.
Ultimately there is no substitute for face to face. "I only use the other site for keeping in touch with people I've met in person at clubs or one to one. It's great when you use it like Facebook but for kink. | |||
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"I find that other site to be useless for making new connections.
And anyway a fantastic profile on a web site rarely translates to a fantastic partner for you in the flesh IME.
Most munches tend to be quite small and unrepresentative of the local kink scene I find but are useful for the social networking that makes attending events possible.
Ultimately there is no substitute for face to face. "Hope you don't mind if I plug you for further info. Me and my puns again .
I take on board what you say about profiles. True of all aspects not just kink of course. Munches have long been seen as a starting point. A way in so to speak.
In a very similar way to how I said earlier about not considering myself ready to join the site I have the same concern about munches. Are they welcoming to newbies as a rule? Is a certain level of experience expected? | |||
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"I find that other site to be useless for making new connections.
And anyway a fantastic profile on a web site rarely translates to a fantastic partner for you in the flesh IME.
Most munches tend to be quite small and unrepresentative of the local kink scene I find but are useful for the social networking that makes attending events possible.
Ultimately there is no substitute for face to face.
Hope you don't mind if I plug you for further info. Me and my puns again .
I take on board what you say about profiles. True of all aspects not just kink of course. Munches have long been seen as a starting point. A way in so to speak.
In a very similar way to how I said earlier about not considering myself ready to join the site I have the same concern about munches. Are they welcoming to newbies as a rule? Is a certain level of experience expected?"You would be totally welcomed at munches and it’s not too early to join the other site. It’s probably better you join now and you can learn so much to help your journey. Go for it! (I’m friends with someone of a very similar name of yours and I often do a double take!) | |||
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"I find that other site to be useless for making new connections.
And anyway a fantastic profile on a web site rarely translates to a fantastic partner for you in the flesh IME.
Most munches tend to be quite small and unrepresentative of the local kink scene I find but are useful for the social networking that makes attending events possible.
Ultimately there is no substitute for face to face.
Hope you don't mind if I plug you for further info. Me and my puns again .
I take on board what you say about profiles. True of all aspects not just kink of course. Munches have long been seen as a starting point. A way in so to speak.
In a very similar way to how I said earlier about not considering myself ready to join the site I have the same concern about munches. Are they welcoming to newbies as a rule? Is a certain level of experience expected?
You would be totally welcomed at munches and it’s not too early to join the other site. It’s probably better you join now and you can learn so much to help your journey. Go for it! (I’m friends with someone of a very similar name of yours and I often do a double take!)"Ooo I have a name doppleganger .
Thank you for the advice. Had a pm explaining a little how the site works. I will sign up and have a look around. | |||
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"I find that other site to be useless for making new connections.
And anyway a fantastic profile on a web site rarely translates to a fantastic partner for you in the flesh IME.
Most munches tend to be quite small and unrepresentative of the local kink scene I find but are useful for the social networking that makes attending events possible.
Ultimately there is no substitute for face to face.
Hope you don't mind if I plug you for further info. Me and my puns again .
I take on board what you say about profiles. True of all aspects not just kink of course. Munches have long been seen as a starting point. A way in so to speak.
In a very similar way to how I said earlier about not considering myself ready to join the site I have the same concern about munches. Are they welcoming to newbies as a rule? Is a certain level of experience expected?"No experience necessary & all are welcome! If you don’t mind travelling a little, you’d be more than welcome at the Wirral Munch at Townhouse - usually 2nd Tuesday of each month, free entry, well stocked & subsidised bar & lots of friendly kinksters to chat to. I’d be happy to give you a tour of the club - including the dungeon & the 2 BDSM playrooms - and then maybe you could start coming along to some of the fet nights & see how it develops for you. Plenty of subs & Dom’s to help you learn the ropes (so to speak!) There is also a rope workshop held bi-monthly on a Saturday afternoon - I think the next one is 6th Jan Google ‘Townhouse Swingers’ and have a look. Happy to answer any questions you’ve got
M xx | |||
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" Ooo I have a name doppleganger .
Thank you for the advice. Had a pm explaining a little how the site works. I will sign up and have a look around."Don’t expect it to be as user friendly as here, it’s kind of stuck in the dark ages 
If you want some friends to start you off not being a Billy no mates I’m sure a few of us would help you out | |||
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"I find that other site to be useless for making new connections.
And anyway a fantastic profile on a web site rarely translates to a fantastic partner for you in the flesh IME.
Most munches tend to be quite small and unrepresentative of the local kink scene I find but are useful for the social networking that makes attending events possible.
Ultimately there is no substitute for face to face.
Hope you don't mind if I plug you for further info. Me and my puns again .
I take on board what you say about profiles. True of all aspects not just kink of course. Munches have long been seen as a starting point. A way in so to speak.
In a very similar way to how I said earlier about not considering myself ready to join the site I have the same concern about munches. Are they welcoming to newbies as a rule? Is a certain level of experience expected?
No experience necessary & all are welcome!
If you don’t mind travelling a little, you’d be more than welcome at the Wirral Munch at Townhouse - usually 2nd Tuesday of each month, free entry, well stocked & subsidised bar & lots of friendly kinksters to chat to. I’d be happy to give you a tour of the club - including the dungeon & the 2 BDSM playrooms - and then maybe you could start coming along to some of the fet nights & see how it develops for you. Plenty of subs & Dom’s to help you learn the ropes (so to speak!)
There is also a rope workshop held bi-monthly on a Saturday afternoon - I think the next one is 6th Jan
Google ‘Townhouse Swingers’ and have a look. Happy to answer any questions you’ve got
M xx"That sounds fantastic . I will have a looksie.
Apologies to Strumpet for highjacking her post lol. | |||
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" Ooo I have a name doppleganger .
Thank you for the advice. Had a pm explaining a little how the site works. I will sign up and have a look around.
Don’t expect it to be as user friendly as here, it’s kind of stuck in the dark ages
If you want some friends to start you off not being a Billy no mates I’m sure a few of us would help you out "Thank you very much. All very exciting | |||
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"I find that other site to be useless for making new connections.
And anyway a fantastic profile on a web site rarely translates to a fantastic partner for you in the flesh IME.
Most munches tend to be quite small and unrepresentative of the local kink scene I find but are useful for the social networking that makes attending events possible.
Ultimately there is no substitute for face to face.
Hope you don't mind if I plug you for further info. Me and my puns again .
I take on board what you say about profiles. True of all aspects not just kink of course. Munches have long been seen as a starting point. A way in so to speak.
In a very similar way to how I said earlier about not considering myself ready to join the site I have the same concern about munches. Are they welcoming to newbies as a rule? Is a certain level of experience expected?
No experience necessary & all are welcome!
If you don’t mind travelling a little, you’d be more than welcome at the Wirral Munch at Townhouse - usually 2nd Tuesday of each month, free entry, well stocked & subsidised bar & lots of friendly kinksters to chat to. I’d be happy to give you a tour of the club - including the dungeon & the 2 BDSM playrooms - and then maybe you could start coming along to some of the fet nights & see how it develops for you. Plenty of subs & Dom’s to help you learn the ropes (so to speak!)
There is also a rope workshop held bi-monthly on a Saturday afternoon - I think the next one is 6th Jan
Google ‘Townhouse Swingers’ and have a look. Happy to answer any questions you’ve got
M xx
That sounds fantastic . I will have a looksie.
Apologies to Strumpet for highjacking her post lol."No apologies necessary! I hope it helps | |||
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"Getting back into the fet scene it seems would be my best bet... The amount of messages I've had off the back of this thread has been surprising, some very helpful (thanks!) and lots demonstrating the reasons why I've not looked for a dom on here! " | |||
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"ive found a lot of so called doms are just aggressive bullies , choose carefully op " This | |||
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"May I make a small suggestion? I think the word dominant attracts a certain stereotype. Perhaps maybe look for a friend with benefits that's open to learning from the start? You could both top and bottom. You both learn to trust each other and explore new avenues? Her "I'm not a newbie as far as d/s goes...just never had to look for a dom before | |||
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"May I make a small suggestion? I think the word dominant attracts a certain stereotype. Perhaps maybe look for a friend with benefits that's open to learning from the start? You could both top and bottom. You both learn to trust each other and explore new avenues? Her
I'm not a newbie as far as d/s goes...just never had to look for a dom before"Sent you a pm xx | |||
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"May I make a small suggestion? I think the word dominant attracts a certain stereotype. Perhaps maybe look for a friend with benefits that's open to learning from the start? You could both top and bottom. You both learn to trust each other and explore new avenues? Her
I'm not a newbie as far as d/s goes...just never had to look for a dom before"I'm not saying you are a newbie. Just that perhaps doing the rounds the fetish scene isn't doing anything. Perhaps it's time to train a potential new dominant that suits you? | |||
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"May I make a small suggestion? I think the word dominant attracts a certain stereotype. Perhaps maybe look for a friend with benefits that's open to learning from the start? You could both top and bottom. You both learn to trust each other and explore new avenues? Her
I'm not a newbie as far as d/s goes...just never had to look for a dom before
I'm not saying you are a newbie. Just that perhaps doing the rounds the fetish scene isn't doing anything.
Perhaps it's time to train a potential new dominant that suits you?
"Ah, sorry, I obviously misunderstood
I'd rather not have to train someone up tbh but it may be something to look into | |||
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"May I make a small suggestion? I think the word dominant attracts a certain stereotype. Perhaps maybe look for a friend with benefits that's open to learning from the start? You could both top and bottom. You both learn to trust each other and explore new avenues? Her
I'm not a newbie as far as d/s goes...just never had to look for a dom before
I'm not saying you are a newbie. Just that perhaps doing the rounds the fetish scene isn't doing anything.
Perhaps it's time to train a potential new dominant that suits you?
" | |||
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"Train a Dominant!!!!!!! Absolutely don't even go there! They breaks so many BDSM RULES! I would instantly disregard anyone who suggested anything like that. Dominant s are born that way, it can't be trained. What stereotype does it attract? May I make a small suggestion? I think the word dominant attracts a certain stereotype. Perhaps maybe look for a friend with benefits that's open to learning from the start? You could both top and bottom. You both learn to trust each other and explore new avenues? Her
I'm not a newbie as far as d/s goes...just never had to look for a dom before
I'm not saying you are a newbie. Just that perhaps doing the rounds the fetish scene isn't doing anything.
Perhaps it's time to train a potential new dominant that suits you?
"I don't think they meant train them to be Dominant, more train them to fulfil your needs as a submissive. Some people may not know how to approach it practically. (At least that's how I understood it) | |||
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"I have been looking for a Sub for some time and one that fits my likes and kinks, but finding it so hard - undoubtlably being Bisexual, married puts me a massive disadvantage, but it has not deterred me ....yet OP ....i am dead cert that this thread will raise the bar for you and i wish you luck in your search j xx "Thank you! | |||
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"We hide well. Read up on correct BDSM rules and protocol for example it's D/s ...anything referring to the Dominant is capitalised, submissive isn't. One of my big beats is when people can't distinguish between the words Dom, Domme, Dominamt and dominate. [" There's no such rules or formalities. You do what you want in your relationships but sontnsuggest that there's a "correct" way that everyone should do it. I don't capitalize the "d" when I write d/s, and if the word submissive is at the start of the sentence then it gets a capital letter. I also don't randomly capitalise words that aren't names. Doesn't mean I'm not pretty experienced with d/s though. | |||
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"I have been looking for a Sub for some time and one that fits my likes and kinks, but finding it so hard - undoubtlably being Bisexual, married puts me a massive disadvantage, but it has not deterred me ....yet OP ....i am dead cert that this thread will raise the bar for you and i wish you luck in your search j xx "D/s relationships are built on trust. If you're lying to the one person in your life that you're supposed to put before all others then there can never be enough trust anywhere else to have a genuine d/s relationship. | |||
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"Train a Dominant!!!!!!! Absolutely don't even go there! They breaks so many BDSM RULES! I would instantly disregard anyone who suggested anything like that. Dominant s are born that way, it can't be trained. What stereotype does it attract? May I make a small suggestion? I think the word dominant attracts a certain stereotype. Perhaps maybe look for a friend with benefits that's open to learning from the start? You could both top and bottom. You both learn to trust each other and explore new avenues? Her
I'm not a newbie as far as d/s goes...just never had to look for a dom before
I'm not saying you are a newbie. Just that perhaps doing the rounds the fetish scene isn't doing anything.
Perhaps it's time to train a potential new dominant that suits you?
With respect I really dont accept the 'natural born dom' theory or 'born that way' view or as people say 'twew doms.
Firstly people are not born mind readers so they can't read the sub's mind to know what they want and secondly one person's brilliant dom/me is someone else's nightmare. Thirdly it ignores those that switch and ignores people who start in one mode and through experience discover they prefer the opposite mode. It also ignores expert toppers who may have brilliant skills but not looking for anything long term and would not call themselves 'dom/me'. It further does not take into account the different use of the word dom/me. In my limited experience out of 10 people may be only 4 will agree on a definition of a dom/me.
The use of the terms 'dom/me' and 'sub' is so broad they can only be understood in the loosest sense of one likes to lead another's behaviour and the other likes someone to lead in the relationship.
My suggestion is that in the modern practice of kink the point is not the lable given or how a person arrives at that lable. The point is the the creation of a non abusive consensual relationship that gives pleasure to both. The rest is no one else's business." | |||
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"There is a munch in bath but numbers are a bit hit and miss, though bristol has a few decent munches with better numbers. Event wise there isn’t much locally we find we have to travel for decent events. There used to be Monthly fet events at angels but think they have stopped now. There is swamp in bristol which is a fetish market and a afterparty which is pretty good. " Thanks | |||
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