FabSwingers.com forum: Has swinging made or broken your relationship??

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Me & hubby have been together almost 10 years in total. We got together fairly young 17 & 19. We decided to try swinging to spice things up. We love the lifestyle but now we both want different things from it and struggling to find the right balance. I dont think we could ever go back to "normal" lifestyle. How do couples overcome these things?

Mrs s

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By *ANDA2Couple
over a year ago

Henley Arden

Sex can be equated to food.

Just because one prefers a hot curry and the other a tuna salad it does not mean you both have to starve.

If the basic relationship is loving, sound and strong along with good communications then different tastes in sex should be able to be accommodated.

Playing separately works as long as clear rules are agreed. The important thing is that neither of you have any tendency to get jealous.

If things start going off track then stop and discuss.

Of course nothing is totally risk free as you have found. But then staying together if the sex spark has gone can also be a risk as that's how many affairs start.

Good luck

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

We have been together 33 years.

The last 10have involved others, it’s been a learning curve.

Got into swinging in the last year and even now still learning things.

We would say it’s made us stronger but it has had its highs and lows.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Me & hubby have been together almost 10 years in total. We got together fairly young 17 & 19. We decided to try swinging to spice things up. We love the lifestyle but now we both want different things from it and struggling to find the right balance. I dont think we could ever go back to "normal" lifestyle. How do couples overcome these things?

Mrs s

By talking.

In my experience, the only way you can swing successfully as a couple and both of you stay happy, is if you are 100% open with each other about what you do, what you want, how it makes you feel and what is going through your mind.

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple
over a year ago

Chester

Were loving the social side as much as the swinging - made some awesome friends. Been together 35yrs married 26yrs - our relationship is now on another level our own date nights together are mindblowing xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Mrs s

We've been together 37 years and the only way we've ever solved difficulties is by discussion and compromise. The compromise often means that neither one of us is 100% happy with the outcome but we both realise that it's to the benefit of our marriage so accept that it's the way forward.

I suggest if swinging is causing difficulties stop doing it for a while and concentrate on your relationship and finding out the best way to move forward that preserves it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It did both for mine although can’t blame it on the swinging really.

So started to swing about 9 years ago with my husband, we enjoyed it, had a break then carried on again. As my husband had less time and got busier at work, I started to meet people by my self as I wasn’t getting what I needed from my marriage. I met one man lots of times including overnights and fell in love with him. My marriage ended. I lost everything. Luckily my husband continues to be my best friend and we’re slowly building our relationship back up again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We haven't taken the first steps yet and this is why I'm nervous to. How do you know if you can handle it?

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By *haverMan
over a year ago

bracknell

The most damaging thing to do is to see someone behind your partners back ,dont do it it can destroy a relationship people assume im a cheater because of my profile but they assume and dont know the truth lol good luck and play together

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"We haven't taken the first steps yet and this is why I'm nervous to. How do you know if you can handle it?"

You don't. The best thing to do is agree that any bad feelings that are thrown up aren't your partners fault but that you can discuss them without blame afterwards.

If you're very hesitant or reluctant don't do it.

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By *ihimbiherCouple
over a year ago

lightwater

"Were loving the social side as much as the swinging - made some awesome friends. Been together 35yrs married 26yrs - our relationship is now on another level our own date nights together are mindblowing xx"
same as ours Hun!

Xxxxxx

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

Trust your gut and stick with it. If a guy wants to meet your wife, but you think he's a manipulative cunt, then you're probably right. Don't let him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You read about it in experiences on Fab and I have seen it in vanilla life, and it has always amazed me the inability of some people to see they are being played.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Swinging made and broke my last relationship as we met on here and he then met the woman he left me for on here too lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd like to bring my long term partner into this with me, but we both have limited time. We both do our own separate stuff; I'd like to do it with him too. We've spoken about me joining him with his other partners, but it's almost impossible to get us all together, at the moment.

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

For it to work then we would say it’s all about two key things;

Communiction and honesty.

Without these you can be asking for trouble.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My hubby is also my best friend we can talk openly to each other about anything

No secrets at all and I can honestly say that

He tells me he loves me lots of times during the day and always his last words to me b4 he leaves for work in the morning

Not that I hear it as am asleep at 6

Ha ha

Swinging has not made us closer but at the same time it hasn't put a strain on us

The minute it did we would stop

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By *rban-NitesCouple
over a year ago

LONDON (SE)

"We haven't taken the first steps yet and this is why I'm nervous to. How do you know if you can handle it?"

Same here! We won't know untill we actually try tbh but worried it will bust it all open

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It had made ours so much better we always swing together and never play alone trusting each other and never getting jealous is a key part in the way we play

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

"We haven't taken the first steps yet and this is why I'm nervous to. How do you know if you can handle it?

Same here! We won't know untill we actually try tbh but worried it will bust it all open

Make sure that you are ready and if you aren’t comfortable just say sorry can we stop this.

At the end of the day it’s your body, that you are sharing, whether it be the fem or the guy.

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By *oyeurs DelightCouple
over a year ago

london

Like others have said communication is the key. Discuss your boundaries and wants before you play. You'll find they may change. If anything crops up discuss it immediately. If there's any cracks in your relationship playing will expose them. For it to work, in my opinion your relationship and trust must be strong. We love watching each other play. He's mine. I'm his. It's sex. To us it's sprinkles on our relationship. Not necessary but a nice added extra at times.

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

We would say we were a strong couple before we started swinging and that hasn't changed.

As others have said communication is key as is compromise these apply to life not just in swinging. We talk about our boundaries and regularly review them to ensure that we are both happy with them. One thing has not changed from day one and that is if one of us says they no longer wish to swing then we will both stop as our marriage is more important than a quick shag.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For us, it's neither made nor broken it. It's enhanced an already amazing relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It broke my 12 year relationship with my boyfriend. I left him as I didn't want to swing with him anymore. I wanted to have this lifestyle by myself but also with someone else. That's gone tits up now and over with and it's broken me completely. I'm struggling every day and while I don't regret leaving my boyfriend, I do regret the reasons and the way I left him. That's life unfortunately x

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By *londieddWoman
over a year ago

fife

lots of great posts, sometimes sadly the lifestyle makes you want to be single and free!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"lots of great posts, sometimes sadly the lifestyle makes you want to be single and free!

For me it's also made me feel very lonely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"lots of great posts, sometimes sadly the lifestyle makes you want to be single and free!

For me it's also made me feel very lonely

Sorry to hear that Cate x

Although we've both fantasised about me being with another guy and Mr at the same time, it's not something I would ever seriously consider doing. We're still finding our feet on here.

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By *ikerdude2017Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

Yep destroyed my latest relationship im such an idiot she loved me and i loved being with her and now im all alone

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By *requent_FerryersCouple
over a year ago

Norwich to Great Yarmouth

Swinging or being active on this site has not broken us, nor has it made our relationship better. That maybe due to the fact that it was great already and did not need "repairing"?

However, to all those setting out on their adventure we would say this...

Your feelings are just the same as we feel; that feeling of trepidation, the fear of stepping into the unknown? Of course we know we can walk away at anytime, but it is tempered with an exquisite and seductive sense of foreboding!

We have experienced the effect of the fact that there are so many timewasters on here, they annoy the hell out of us! However, the opportunity to meet genuine friends and to enjoy their company seriously overrides the disappointments we have endured along the way!

Then there are of course the “seasoned” swingers who just want to use you as another soft warm and wet hole to add as a notch on their ego or bedpost, but you can spot those and we steer well clear of them and their arrogance! We are not like that. Promise. However, we implore you to chat with your partner about your feelings. Never deny them. Be open and honest with yourself as well as each other. Whatever the decision is that you take, it should be made on a basis of honesty and understanding. Xx

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By *ldhillhotwifeCouple
over a year ago

Old Hill

Not sure it has done anything for our relationship other than made us very open and talkative about our sexual relationships.

Amazes me how many of my vanilla friends I speak to who can't talk about what they want sexually with their husbands and just don't seem to care about not being fulfilled.

I suppose as a couple it has give us lots of 'us' time away from the children which helps. Although 'us' time normally involves a mini bus load of guys as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It did both for mine although can’t blame it on the swinging really.

THAT'S SCARY

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By *ickeyandmouseCouple
over a year ago

nr Alicante

[Removed by poster at 05/11/17 07:40:48]

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By *ickeyandmouseCouple
over a year ago

nr Alicante

"Swinging or being active on this site has not broken us, nor has it made our relationship better. That maybe due to the fact that it was great already and did not need "repairing"?

However, to all those setting out on their adventure we would say this...

Very well said, agree totally x

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By *s_bettyboopWoman
over a year ago

-3

"We haven't taken the first steps yet and this is why I'm nervous to. How do you know if you can handle it?

Same here! We won't know untill we actually try tbh but worried it will bust it all open

Maybe just try soft play to begin with, same partners or soft swap only x

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By *igblackdomTV/TS
over a year ago

West Midlands

"Hi

Sex can be equated to food.

Just because one prefers a hot curry and the other a tuna salad it does not mean you both have to starve.

If the basic relationship is loving, sound and strong along with good communications then different tastes in sex should be able to be accommodated.

Playing separately works as long as clear rules are agreed. The important thing is that neither of you have any tendency to get jealous.

If things start going off track then stop and discuss.

Of course nothing is totally risk free as you have found. But then staying together if the sex spark has gone can also be a risk as that's how many affairs start.

Good luck "

Excellent answer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's a few couples that post in the forums where Swinging is clearly the only thing keeping them together but they can't see it or admit it to themselves.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

So the title poses a different question to the OPs statement.

Swinging has neither made or broken anything in our relationship, our relationship was well established over many years, and swinging is just a sprinkling that dusts over the sex part of life.

If you had to put a percentage on it our sex life probably factors in about 10% of our life, (thinking, doing etc) . Swinging makes up maybe 20-30% of our sex life. Most of that is talking about it and acting it out in our own bedroom together. The actual act of swinging takes up even less time. We must have sex over 100 times a year as a conservative estimate swinging makes up 4 to 10 of those occasions.

So at that level swinging has very little to do with our relationship and how it works.

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Well this is the thing , in my opinion you should bring no emotions into swinging, for me there is no feelings there, it's just a leisure activity.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

It’s made no difference at all to our relationship .

We swing because we like it , and it’s a part of our leisure activity . A hobby if you like , and if as a couple you both enjoy the same hobby it’s all good I guess

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well this is the thing , in my opinion you should bring no emotions into swinging, for me there is no feelings there, it's just a leisure activity. "

I thought you said in a previous post, that you didnt swing with your partner?

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Yeah I don't, I am a single guy in swinging terms, but it does not mean she is not in the same room or club. I like the idea of multiple women , I don't like the idea of cheating , hiding or sneaking around, the swinging rules puts everybody in check.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah I don't, I am a single guy in swinging terms, but it does not mean she is not in the same room or club. I like the idea of multiple women , I don't like the idea of cheating , hiding or sneaking around, the swinging rules puts everybody in check."

Oakie doke

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"For us, it's neither made nor broken it. It's enhanced an already amazing relationship. "

This for us too.

OP if things are not going well, you need to take a break from swinging and talk.

Swinging is just a little extra for us and we would happily go back to a "normal" life if one of us was unhappy.

Nita

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oakie doke"

Ive just read in another thread that you DONT have a partner. And that relationships arent for you

Who is this 'she' then?

What is it about Fab that makes men so very confused about their relationship status?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Read your responses with huge interest. Hubby and I have been together for 20 years and in this lifestyle for about three and it still causes big issues. We have discovered we both like very different things from it and it’s caused many many problems. He introduced me to this world and I was reluctant at first. Now I’m loving it and he’s not so sure. It’s a hard can of worms to seal back up once you start (in my opinion) x

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Ok in the said thread I never said I don't have a partner, I said I am into swinging for multiple ladies and leisure, I also said, swinging with the aim of looking for a relationship or love is not for me, so please don't frame my narrative.

As I said when I am swinging, I am a single guy, just like a married lady can say she is a hotwife. So you will not find me walking around with my partner because we know and respect the rules.she is also a single girl in the swinging environment and it is see you at the end of the night.

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By *arciocialWoman
over a year ago

Leicester

Ive seen it do both. What tends to break a relationship is the lack of communication and honesty. You both have to talk about what you want, set boundaries and be comfortable with what you've agreed on. These boundaries will probably expand over time, but that's when you talk about it and sometimes something may not work for one of you and that's when the other has to accept that. It's all about communication, trust and honesty.

So many couples also agree to swing or certain things just to keep the other person happy, this isn't something where that can be done. It has to be a mutual decision, where both sides are equally happy with what they're doing.

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By *rizzlyEmbersMan
over a year ago

Hastings

I wouldn't have said it has done anything to my relationship yet as we did have a great threesome with a ex FB of hers a year ago although since officially looking at swinging, I and my OH have yet to meet anyone simply because couples and males are not of her interest to get her started again.

What it has done is really made me sit down and realise I'm not actually sexually satisfied in my relationship (the bedroom has been dead of all activity since after our first veri on our couples account), I'm happy with the rest of the relationship but I am pretty much leading a single man's life where my only relief is getting a site open and finishing in a sock (not literally a sock but I feel like a teen again).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't have said it has done anything to my relationship yet as we did have a great threesome with a ex FB of hers a year ago although since officially looking at swinging, I and my OH have yet to meet anyone simply because couples and males are not of her interest to get her started again.

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By *rizzlyEmbersMan
over a year ago

Hastings

I'm just lucky she's understanding and immediately allowed me to 'fill my needs elsewhere' (easier said than done than when I was teen, apparently) till her sex drive has recovered, 7 months ish and I'm still by her side so safe to say I'm not going anywhere no matter if I found that 'need filler'.

A more direct answer in regards to your question OP, communication is key, like I said, I and my OH had a great threesome experience with her old FB and I would certainly do it again, as long as both your interests are conveyed and you both find a way to make it work for both of you and stick to ground rules I think anyone can at least dip their toes in, it's the coming back as a couple if one gets 'cold feet' that might be the hard part.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We go back to a 'normal' lifestyle regularly.

Swinging is something we dip in and out of along with all sorts of other kinks. Even when doing it we don't really consider ourselves as swingers.

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By *unlovingx2Couple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

" Trust your gut and stick with it. If a guy wants to meet your wife, but you think he's a manipulative cunt, then you're probably right. Don't let him. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good thread!!!

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"There's a few couples that post in the forums where Swinging is clearly the only thing keeping them together but they can't see it or admit it to themselves.

Crikey! What are they posting to make it so obvious!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It did both for mine although can’t blame it on the swinging really.

THAT'S SCARY "

Swinging used as a plaster, wrong motive and totally expected outcome.

If you are madly in love with each other, have already amazing sex, then that's the best basis on which to start. If you can take or leave this lifestyle, then that's even better. I worry about couples who look to meet every weekend and post adverts for meets everyday; who base their entire social life around swinging. I wonder how they actually carve out their own time to know each other. I'd also worry once one of the couple starts to meet alone and gets more out of it than the other. Separate room swapping wouldn't ever cross our mind because part of the beauty is watching the other have fun. That said, we predominately do FFMs and it's very hard to have separate room fun there if I'm honest.

The ideal ratio for us is probably 90:10 - 10 being the swinging lifestyle. Constant communication may change this as our desires change or become more fluid as we go on. At the end of the day, if you get off on watching your partner have sex with someone else, and you don't feel jealous during it, then that's pretty much the essence of trouble free swinging in my book. The minute you do it to get something you're not getting from your partner then that's a very slippery slope.

Matt

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By *opcat3Woman
over a year ago

preston

The sites only after money,become a site supporter to report somebody ! what's that all about ?

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"It did both for mine although can’t blame it on the swinging really.

THAT'S SCARY

Swinging used as a plaster, wrong motive and totally expected outcome.

Matt "

With respect, i totally disgree with your logic. Everyone makes certain compromises when choosing a life partner, the only people that don't understand this are the delusional romantics who usually have a string of divorces. If you can be honest enough to accept that, then you should realise that there's no inherent correct set of compromises to make (e.g. a husband or wife who is more intelligent / less physically attractive) although there are wrong compromises to make. In the grand scheme of things, we're all going to get older, less attractive and probably see a reduction in our sex drives. Therefore, i think picking a life partner based primary on sexual chemistry is a very slippery slope. Therefore, it's logical that if sex isn't a priority then there's nothing inherently bad about swinging supplementing the relationship in that way. I think it's far healthier than, for example, swinging being used to supplement the emotional need for affection.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"There's a few couples that post in the forums where Swinging is clearly the only thing keeping them together but they can't see it or admit it to themselves.

Crikey! What are they posting to make it so obvious!? "

Yeah , can’t say I’ve ever seen this

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Exactly, swinging cures a lot of things that ladies don't realize.

I am not a fan of having affairs or all the resultant problems that can occur because there are a lot of ladies out there who specialize in breaking relationships, so I tell my friends instead of cheating why not swing , you can have as many ladies as possible, as long as your mouthpiece is tight, these ladies don't want you beyond sex, no damage to your primary relationships and you. Nobody knows you or cares who you are , vanilla girls will always investigate to see how big your house is etc the swingers just go for you if they like you. This is by far safer for all involved .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It did both for mine although can’t blame it on the swinging really.

THAT'S SCARY

Swinging used as a plaster, wrong motive and totally expected outcome.

Matt

Never said pick someone based primarily sexual chemistry. I said that choose swinging as long as both are completely and utterly watertight and you don't need to rely on it.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

For me it needs keeping in context. It adds a bit of fun every now and again to the relationship. It’s certainly not what’s holding it together. Yes we did meet via Fab, but what has grown from there has happened because of our bond not swinging.

I see some couples relationships are founded on playing. To the point where most of their free time is meeting with others. Not something I’d choose and I wonder what happens if one wants or has to stop for any reason. I’ve heard first hand the reaction - one of resentment, which is totally disrespectful to the other partner.

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

op perhaps it’s time to call time on the relationship?

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"op perhaps it’s time to call time on the relationship?"

End a 10 year relationship because they want different things from swinging!?!

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

It's another tick in the "neither" column from us.

Our relationship was already rock-solid when we started swinging, but I think we can both admit that swinging gave us something.... I'm not sure what you could call it, I read and agree with the posts who say it is like "sprinkles", not strictly necessary, but fun when added.

We have made some lifelong friends, and we enjoy that "buzz" that we get when going to a meet or party, and I think we would probably walk away if that wasn't the case.

We like the fact that we have a "secret life" away from everything else, its fun.

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By *asques and boxersCouple
over a year ago

Ashford and dept16

"It's another tick in the "neither" column from us.

We have made some lifelong friends, and we enjoy that "buzz" that we get when going to a meet or party, and I think we would probably walk away if that wasn't the case.

We like the fact that we have a "secret life" away from everything else, its fun.

Spot on have found it has made us both more accepting of others. Increased our appetite for life generally and empowered Minx more.

But our relationship is just as strong perhaps revitalized but just the same loving one we started as.

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

Made. We started swinging a few weeks after we'd first met, we had both been married before but had found it impossible to be faithful, we love sexual variety too much! Both of us think fucking just one person isn't natural, so we started swinging as a couple.

It has worked out well for us, we married a couple of years later and kept on swinging, in fact did more after our marriage than before. We have been able to have as much extramarital sex as we need, without any guilt or deceit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We met swinging so know nothing else lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This was an interesting thread, here we go... BUMP!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For many years we had been working through a sexual bucket list, sex in the sea,on a mountain,in a phone box, always fully nude and it was fun and exciting, well to us anyway.

Then we discussed swinging.

We think it's bolstered our marriage, it's another fun and naughty thing we do amongst the others.

Most of the couples we meet are as mad as a box of frogs, just like us!.

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By *ikilovesCCouple
over a year ago

village life, closest main town inverness

Great thread which made interesting reading

Very exotic frogs though naturistduo

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

It's done neither op, it's given us another channel to divert our kink n fuckery which has always been a part of who we are.

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple
over a year ago

Maidstone

"Read your responses with huge interest. Hubby and I have been together for 20 years and in this lifestyle for about three and it still causes big issues. We have discovered we both like very different things from it and it’s caused many many problems. He introduced me to this world and I was reluctant at first. Now I’m loving it and he’s not so sure. It’s a hard can of worms to seal back up once you start (in my opinion) x"

This is my fear. We’ve had one ffm experience which was fun but left me with no urge to repeat but he thinks it was just newby nerves or maybe not the right lady. He’s very keen to push the boundaries further and although I find the idea tempting I worry about the aftermath. I know him well enough to know he will love it and will always hanker after this lifestyle and I can’t see me feeling the same. We will only know how we really feel if we try it but I think sometimes the fantasy may be better than the reality.

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By *DSM - CUCKOLD - COUPLECouple
over a year ago

manchester

We do the swingers thing /having a 3rd person involved about once a month. I think it's important not to rely on just swinging in your relationship. We do see people swing every weekend and even during the week and seem happy so whatever works for you

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