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"Me & hubby have been together almost 10 years in total. We got together fairly young 17 & 19. We decided to try swinging to spice things up. We love the lifestyle but now we both want different things from it and struggling to find the right balance. I dont think we could ever go back to "normal" lifestyle. How do couples overcome these things? Mrs s X" By talking. In my experience, the only way you can swing successfully as a couple and both of you stay happy, is if you are 100% open with each other about what you do, what you want, how it makes you feel and what is going through your mind. | |||
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"Me & hubby have been together almost 10 years in total. We got together fairly young 17 & 19. We decided to try swinging to spice things up. We love the lifestyle but now we both want different things from it and struggling to find the right balance. I dont think we could ever go back to "normal" lifestyle. How do couples overcome these things? Mrs s X" We've been together 37 years and the only way we've ever solved difficulties is by discussion and compromise. The compromise often means that neither one of us is 100% happy with the outcome but we both realise that it's to the benefit of our marriage so accept that it's the way forward. I suggest if swinging is causing difficulties stop doing it for a while and concentrate on your relationship and finding out the best way to move forward that preserves it | |||
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"We haven't taken the first steps yet and this is why I'm nervous to. How do you know if you can handle it?" You don't. The best thing to do is agree that any bad feelings that are thrown up aren't your partners fault but that you can discuss them without blame afterwards. If you're very hesitant or reluctant don't do it. | |||
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"Were loving the social side as much as the swinging - made some awesome friends. Been together 35yrs married 26yrs - our relationship is now on another level our own date nights together are mindblowing xx" same as ours Hun! Xxxxxx | |||
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"We haven't taken the first steps yet and this is why I'm nervous to. How do you know if you can handle it?" Same here! We won't know untill we actually try tbh but worried it will bust it all open | |||
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"We haven't taken the first steps yet and this is why I'm nervous to. How do you know if you can handle it? Same here! We won't know untill we actually try tbh but worried it will bust it all open " Make sure that you are ready and if you aren’t comfortable just say sorry can we stop this. At the end of the day it’s your body, that you are sharing, whether it be the fem or the guy. | |||
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"lots of great posts, sometimes sadly the lifestyle makes you want to be single and free! " For me it's also made me feel very lonely | |||
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"lots of great posts, sometimes sadly the lifestyle makes you want to be single and free! For me it's also made me feel very lonely " Sorry to hear that Cate x Although we've both fantasised about me being with another guy and Mr at the same time, it's not something I would ever seriously consider doing. We're still finding our feet on here. | |||
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"It did both for mine although can’t blame it on the swinging really. So started to swing about 9 years ago with my husband, we enjoyed it, had a break then carried on again. As my husband had less time and got busier at work, I started to meet people by my self as I wasn’t getting what I needed from my marriage. I met one man lots of times including overnights and fell in love with him. My marriage ended. I lost everything. Luckily my husband continues to be my best friend and we’re slowly building our relationship back up again. " THAT'S SCARY | |||
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"Swinging or being active on this site has not broken us, nor has it made our relationship better. That maybe due to the fact that it was great already and did not need "repairing"? However, to all those setting out on their adventure we would say this... Your feelings are just the same as we feel; that feeling of trepidation, the fear of stepping into the unknown? Of course we know we can walk away at anytime, but it is tempered with an exquisite and seductive sense of foreboding! We have experienced the effect of the fact that there are so many timewasters on here, they annoy the hell out of us! However, the opportunity to meet genuine friends and to enjoy their company seriously overrides the disappointments we have endured along the way! Then there are of course the “seasoned” swingers who just want to use you as another soft warm and wet hole to add as a notch on their ego or bedpost, but you can spot those and we steer well clear of them and their arrogance! We are not like that. Promise. However, we implore you to chat with your partner about your feelings. Never deny them. Be open and honest with yourself as well as each other. Whatever the decision is that you take, it should be made on a basis of honesty and understanding. Xx " Very well said, agree totally x | |||
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"We haven't taken the first steps yet and this is why I'm nervous to. How do you know if you can handle it? Same here! We won't know untill we actually try tbh but worried it will bust it all open " Maybe just try soft play to begin with, same partners or soft swap only x | |||
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"Hi Sex can be equated to food. Just because one prefers a hot curry and the other a tuna salad it does not mean you both have to starve. If the basic relationship is loving, sound and strong along with good communications then different tastes in sex should be able to be accommodated. Playing separately works as long as clear rules are agreed. The important thing is that neither of you have any tendency to get jealous. If things start going off track then stop and discuss. Of course nothing is totally risk free as you have found. But then staying together if the sex spark has gone can also be a risk as that's how many affairs start. Good luck " Excellent answer | |||
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"Well this is the thing , in my opinion you should bring no emotions into swinging, for me there is no feelings there, it's just a leisure activity. " I thought you said in a previous post, that you didnt swing with your partner? | |||
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"Yeah I don't, I am a single guy in swinging terms, but it does not mean she is not in the same room or club. I like the idea of multiple women , I don't like the idea of cheating , hiding or sneaking around, the swinging rules puts everybody in check." Oakie doke | |||
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"For us, it's neither made nor broken it. It's enhanced an already amazing relationship. " This for us too. OP if things are not going well, you need to take a break from swinging and talk. Swinging is just a little extra for us and we would happily go back to a "normal" life if one of us was unhappy. Nita | |||
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"Yeah I don't, I am a single guy in swinging terms, but it does not mean she is not in the same room or club. I like the idea of multiple women , I don't like the idea of cheating , hiding or sneaking around, the swinging rules puts everybody in check. Oakie doke" Ive just read in another thread that you DONT have a partner. And that relationships arent for you Who is this 'she' then? What is it about Fab that makes men so very confused about their relationship status? | |||
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"I wouldn't have said it has done anything to my relationship yet as we did have a great threesome with a ex FB of hers a year ago although since officially looking at swinging, I and my OH have yet to meet anyone simply because couples and males are not of her interest to get her started again. What it has done is really made me sit down and realise I'm not actually sexually satisfied in my relationship (the bedroom has been dead of all activity since after our first veri on our couples account), I'm happy with the rest of the relationship but I am pretty much leading a single man's life where my only relief is getting a site open and finishing in a sock (not literally a sock but I feel like a teen again)." | |||
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"" I'm just lucky she's understanding and immediately allowed me to 'fill my needs elsewhere' (easier said than done than when I was teen, apparently) till her sex drive has recovered, 7 months ish and I'm still by her side so safe to say I'm not going anywhere no matter if I found that 'need filler'. A more direct answer in regards to your question OP, communication is key, like I said, I and my OH had a great threesome experience with her old FB and I would certainly do it again, as long as both your interests are conveyed and you both find a way to make it work for both of you and stick to ground rules I think anyone can at least dip their toes in, it's the coming back as a couple if one gets 'cold feet' that might be the hard part. | |||
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" Trust your gut and stick with it. If a guy wants to meet your wife, but you think he's a manipulative cunt, then you're probably right. Don't let him. " | |||
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"There's a few couples that post in the forums where Swinging is clearly the only thing keeping them together but they can't see it or admit it to themselves. " Crikey! What are they posting to make it so obvious!? | |||
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"It did both for mine although can’t blame it on the swinging really. So started to swing about 9 years ago with my husband, we enjoyed it, had a break then carried on again. As my husband had less time and got busier at work, I started to meet people by my self as I wasn’t getting what I needed from my marriage. I met one man lots of times including overnights and fell in love with him. My marriage ended. I lost everything. Luckily my husband continues to be my best friend and we’re slowly building our relationship back up again. THAT'S SCARY " Swinging used as a plaster, wrong motive and totally expected outcome. If you are madly in love with each other, have already amazing sex, then that's the best basis on which to start. If you can take or leave this lifestyle, then that's even better. I worry about couples who look to meet every weekend and post adverts for meets everyday; who base their entire social life around swinging. I wonder how they actually carve out their own time to know each other. I'd also worry once one of the couple starts to meet alone and gets more out of it than the other. Separate room swapping wouldn't ever cross our mind because part of the beauty is watching the other have fun. That said, we predominately do FFMs and it's very hard to have separate room fun there if I'm honest. The ideal ratio for us is probably 90:10 - 10 being the swinging lifestyle. Constant communication may change this as our desires change or become more fluid as we go on. At the end of the day, if you get off on watching your partner have sex with someone else, and you don't feel jealous during it, then that's pretty much the essence of trouble free swinging in my book. The minute you do it to get something you're not getting from your partner then that's a very slippery slope. Matt | |||
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"It did both for mine although can’t blame it on the swinging really. So started to swing about 9 years ago with my husband, we enjoyed it, had a break then carried on again. As my husband had less time and got busier at work, I started to meet people by my self as I wasn’t getting what I needed from my marriage. I met one man lots of times including overnights and fell in love with him. My marriage ended. I lost everything. Luckily my husband continues to be my best friend and we’re slowly building our relationship back up again. THAT'S SCARY Swinging used as a plaster, wrong motive and totally expected outcome. If you are madly in love with each other, have already amazing sex, then that's the best basis on which to start. If you can take or leave this lifestyle, then that's even better. I worry about couples who look to meet every weekend and post adverts for meets everyday; who base their entire social life around swinging. I wonder how they actually carve out their own time to know each other. I'd also worry once one of the couple starts to meet alone and gets more out of it than the other. Separate room swapping wouldn't ever cross our mind because part of the beauty is watching the other have fun. That said, we predominately do FFMs and it's very hard to have separate room fun there if I'm honest. The ideal ratio for us is probably 90:10 - 10 being the swinging lifestyle. Constant communication may change this as our desires change or become more fluid as we go on. At the end of the day, if you get off on watching your partner have sex with someone else, and you don't feel jealous during it, then that's pretty much the essence of trouble free swinging in my book. The minute you do it to get something you're not getting from your partner then that's a very slippery slope. Matt " With respect, i totally disgree with your logic. Everyone makes certain compromises when choosing a life partner, the only people that don't understand this are the delusional romantics who usually have a string of divorces. If you can be honest enough to accept that, then you should realise that there's no inherent correct set of compromises to make (e.g. a husband or wife who is more intelligent / less physically attractive) although there are wrong compromises to make. In the grand scheme of things, we're all going to get older, less attractive and probably see a reduction in our sex drives. Therefore, i think picking a life partner based primary on sexual chemistry is a very slippery slope. Therefore, it's logical that if sex isn't a priority then there's nothing inherently bad about swinging supplementing the relationship in that way. I think it's far healthier than, for example, swinging being used to supplement the emotional need for affection. | |||
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"There's a few couples that post in the forums where Swinging is clearly the only thing keeping them together but they can't see it or admit it to themselves. Crikey! What are they posting to make it so obvious!? " Yeah , can’t say I’ve ever seen this | |||
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"It did both for mine although can’t blame it on the swinging really. So started to swing about 9 years ago with my husband, we enjoyed it, had a break then carried on again. As my husband had less time and got busier at work, I started to meet people by my self as I wasn’t getting what I needed from my marriage. I met one man lots of times including overnights and fell in love with him. My marriage ended. I lost everything. Luckily my husband continues to be my best friend and we’re slowly building our relationship back up again. THAT'S SCARY Swinging used as a plaster, wrong motive and totally expected outcome. If you are madly in love with each other, have already amazing sex, then that's the best basis on which to start. If you can take or leave this lifestyle, then that's even better. I worry about couples who look to meet every weekend and post adverts for meets everyday; who base their entire social life around swinging. I wonder how they actually carve out their own time to know each other. I'd also worry once one of the couple starts to meet alone and gets more out of it than the other. Separate room swapping wouldn't ever cross our mind because part of the beauty is watching the other have fun. That said, we predominately do FFMs and it's very hard to have separate room fun there if I'm honest. The ideal ratio for us is probably 90:10 - 10 being the swinging lifestyle. Constant communication may change this as our desires change or become more fluid as we go on. At the end of the day, if you get off on watching your partner have sex with someone else, and you don't feel jealous during it, then that's pretty much the essence of trouble free swinging in my book. The minute you do it to get something you're not getting from your partner then that's a very slippery slope. Matt With respect, i totally disgree with your logic. Everyone makes certain compromises when choosing a life partner, the only people that don't understand this are the delusional romantics who usually have a string of divorces. If you can be honest enough to accept that, then you should realise that there's no inherent correct set of compromises to make (e.g. a husband or wife who is more intelligent / less physically attractive) although there are wrong compromises to make. In the grand scheme of things, we're all going to get older, less attractive and probably see a reduction in our sex drives. Therefore, i think picking a life partner based primary on sexual chemistry is a very slippery slope. Therefore, it's logical that if sex isn't a priority then there's nothing inherently bad about swinging supplementing the relationship in that way. I think it's far healthier than, for example, swinging being used to supplement the emotional need for affection. " Never said pick someone based primarily sexual chemistry. I said that choose swinging as long as both are completely and utterly watertight and you don't need to rely on it. | |||
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"op perhaps it’s time to call time on the relationship?" End a 10 year relationship because they want different things from swinging!?! | |||
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"It's another tick in the "neither" column from us. Our relationship was already rock-solid when we started swinging, but I think we can both admit that swinging gave us something.... I'm not sure what you could call it, I read and agree with the posts who say it is like "sprinkles", not strictly necessary, but fun when added. We have made some lifelong friends, and we enjoy that "buzz" that we get when going to a meet or party, and I think we would probably walk away if that wasn't the case. We like the fact that we have a "secret life" away from everything else, its fun. " Spot on have found it has made us both more accepting of others. Increased our appetite for life generally and empowered Minx more. But our relationship is just as strong perhaps revitalized but just the same loving one we started as. | |||
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"Read your responses with huge interest. Hubby and I have been together for 20 years and in this lifestyle for about three and it still causes big issues. We have discovered we both like very different things from it and it’s caused many many problems. He introduced me to this world and I was reluctant at first. Now I’m loving it and he’s not so sure. It’s a hard can of worms to seal back up once you start (in my opinion) x" This is my fear. We’ve had one ffm experience which was fun but left me with no urge to repeat but he thinks it was just newby nerves or maybe not the right lady. He’s very keen to push the boundaries further and although I find the idea tempting I worry about the aftermath. I know him well enough to know he will love it and will always hanker after this lifestyle and I can’t see me feeling the same. We will only know how we really feel if we try it but I think sometimes the fantasy may be better than the reality. | |||
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