FabSwingers.com forum: Coming out advice

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi all. First of all, I’ve never posted so apologies in advance if this isn’t in the right place or the right content.

I’m a married bi tv and my wife is oblivious to this. I’ve been considering come out about the dressing (not being bi) to hopefully be able to dress more.

While I appreciate every situation has individual differences, I’d be interested to hear any experiences/suggestions from either side.

Again sorry if this isn’t in keeping with the site but thanks for reading

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple
over a year ago

Falkirk

[Removed by poster at 28/10/17 14:52:47]

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple
over a year ago

Falkirk

Talking to your wife is the best thing you can do.

If she agrees or disagrees you will have at least been honest with her.

The weight will have been lifted of your shoulders and then you can progress in what ever direction the outcome points you in.

Good luck there are many others on here that can share their support from similar situations. S X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly no advice, but I hope it all goes well for you.

Ginger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you have to prepare yourself for a very negative response. When my ex came out to me about dressing it wasn't the dressing that upset me (in fact that was hot) it was the secrets, the lies, the cheating. Trust can be hard to rebuild.

Im not trying to put you off. Its great that you want to be honest but you must realise it might not result in you being able to dress more

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you both. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as my dad always said

expect the worse and anything else is a bonus

be honest be open and be prepared for shocking comments or anger and hurt or the other that she may already have an inkling

hope all works for u x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Obviously I don't know your wife so can only suggest what I think I would prefer if G was sharing this with me. I think find a time where the two of you can talk uninterrupted and when there's nothing pressing your wife needs to do the next day as it may take some processing on her part and she won't thank you if you do it while she's getting ready for a night out for example.

Be honest with her, and as well as explaining how you feel lay out clearly what you ideally want. She may find it a bit confusing/overwhelming at first so being able to say I would like to be able to do x or y may make it easier for her, uncertainty can be very unsettling.

I think if I was on the receiving end I would rather hear it all in one go rather than then finding out down the line that you are also bi. A lot of us have very good instincts for knowing when there's more of the story going unsaid and that might be a worry for her on top of your initial revelation. You never know, she may even have an inkling and not be entirely surprised.

Good luck with it, I hope she's supportive and you can find a way forward that works for you both. If she does hit the ceiling though maybe tell her you'll give her some time to get used to the idea, give her chance to ask any questions and tell her you need to talk about it further in a week/month etc.

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By *htcMan
over a year ago

chat and bring out a conversation about men dressing and see what the reaction is, say it sounds horny and you want to try, can we try together.....

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By *ravelsALotMan
over a year ago

Leicester and Birmingham

Not been in that situation but many tough subjects are often best by letting the other person think they thought it in the first place or slowly introduce the topic. Possibly watch documentary with a tv in, be playful in bedroom by putting on her knickers - if she wears stockings etc hint playfully about it.do this on several occasions to bridge the suggestions.

My sub girl fb hated the thought of anal- was a no go area. Slowly touched her arse as fucked her at first- every time after we got more adventurous- now she insists I fuck her arse!

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By *heIcebreakersCouple
over a year ago

Cramlington

"Hi all. First of all, I’ve never posted so apologies in advance if this isn’t in the right place or the right content.

I’m a married bi tv and my wife is oblivious to this. I’ve been considering come out about the dressing (not being bi) to hopefully be able to dress more.

While I appreciate every situation has individual differences, I’d be interested to hear any experiences/suggestions from either side.

Again sorry if this isn’t in keeping with the site but thanks for reading"

Two thoughts come to mind.

You may want to think about your reasons for coming out (as expressed in this message) and how that will sound to your partner. Your reasons are centred on your needs - you want to come out so you can dress more often. Your partner may well wonder if they're being equally valued in such a presentation.

The second is that you have to imagine the worst that could happen, and how you will cope. If your partner says that your choices are unacceptable, and you must stop or separate, what will you do? Who else will be involved?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

@carter & kaz. Yes I agree it is a selfish reason to come out. Maybe I’m just ready to come out to the world. There isn’t anyone else as we don’t have children

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sadly no advice, but I hope it all goes well for you.

Ginger"

Thank you x

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By *heIcebreakersCouple
over a year ago

Cramlington

"@carter & kaz. Yes I agree it is a selfish reason to come out. Maybe I’m just ready to come out to the world. There isn’t anyone else as we don’t have children "
That's honest - so you need to focus on how your partner will feel, and the consequences of that so that you're not surprised...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"@carter & kaz. Yes I agree it is a selfish reason to come out. Maybe I’m just ready to come out to the world. There isn’t anyone else as we don’t have children That's honest - so you need to focus on how your partner will feel, and the consequences of that so that you're not surprised..."

The consequences are potentially I’m single and while it’s life changing I’ve partly prepared mentally I’m just conscious of hurting her although I’m aware the secrets would anyway

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By *ustJ0dieTV/TS
over a year ago

Burton-on-Trent

"Hi all. First of all, I’ve never posted so apologies in advance if this isn’t in the right place or the right content.

I’m a married bi tv and my wife is oblivious to this. I’ve been considering come out about the dressing (not being bi) to hopefully be able to dress more.

While I appreciate every situation has individual differences, I’d be interested to hear any experiences/suggestions from either side.

Again sorry if this isn’t in keeping with the site but thanks for reading"

I came out to mine 5 years ago. I'm guessing my situation is different to yours. But I would advise you to think long and hard on the reasons for doing it. If the dressing is an addiction to de-stress yourself, rather like people who smoke, eat or drink for comfort, then it's something to consider. As hiding it doesn't help with the stress.

If you're only putting stuff on as a sexual fetish then ask yourself if it's potentially worth losing your marriage over.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

I can offer no advice whatsoever. What I can do is wish you all the best and that it all works out for you both.

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By *eanna69Woman
over a year ago

I am now living in SW France! but I do come back from time to time X

If you married her surely you should be able to discuss talk communicate?

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

If your finding it difficult to put into words ..... just show her your profile on here ....honesty is the best policy ....then you can persue your dreams .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/10/17 00:48:13]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all. First of all, I’ve never posted so apologies in advance if this isn’t in the right place or the right content.

I’m a married bi tv and my wife is oblivious to this. I’ve been considering come out about the dressing (not being bi) to hopefully be able to dress more.

While I appreciate every situation has individual differences, I’d be interested to hear any experiences/suggestions from either side.

Again sorry if this isn’t in keeping with the site but thanks for reading

Two thoughts come to mind.

Wise words

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London

"Again sorry if this isn’t in keeping with the site but thanks for reading"

There are all sorts of people here an many who are or have been in your situation.

So you should be in the right place for advice

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