FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swinging Support and Advice

Attached

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Attached but playing solo, as SO is small minded when it comes to being adventurous. She doesn't know of this lovely place...

How the hell do you portray that and still manage to get interest. Ironic this, but I don't actually like lying.

Just got turned down for a possible MMF as I explained my stance.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id rather someone was up front about their relationship status. At least then I can make an informed choice. Alot use it as a filter tho.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Id rather someone was up front about their relationship status. At least then I can make an informed choice. Alot use it as a filter tho."

Well I try to be, it's now on my profile. An obvious turn off though....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Just state it and make no excuses.

We don't judge attached people although we won't meet them. One thing that we don't like though is when a person makes reference to their unwitting partner in any way disrespectfully.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just state it and make no excuses.

We don't judge attached people although we won't meet them. One thing that we don't like though is when a person makes reference to their unwitting partner in any way disrespectfully."

Assume you're quoting the small minded part

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth


"Just state it and make no excuses.

We don't judge attached people although we won't meet them. One thing that we don't like though is when a person makes reference to their unwitting partner in any way disrespectfully."

Absolutely on both counts. Honesty is the right way to go but it felt unfair to me to class her as small minded. Swinging isn't for everyone and everyone should have the right to say what they aren't comfortable with without being put down.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just state it and make no excuses.

We don't judge attached people although we won't meet them. One thing that we don't like though is when a person makes reference to their unwitting partner in any way disrespectfully.

Absolutely on both counts. Honesty is the right way to go but it felt unfair to me to class her as small minded. Swinging isn't for everyone and everyone should have the right to say what they aren't comfortable with without being put down. "

I'll be honest, I didn't know how else to put it. but yes I don't blame her at all, just wish it wouldn't hinder things in a way. All here for similar reasons.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Just state it and make no excuses.

We don't judge attached people although we won't meet them. One thing that we don't like though is when a person makes reference to their unwitting partner in any way disrespectfully.

Absolutely on both counts. Honesty is the right way to go but it felt unfair to me to class her as small minded. Swinging isn't for everyone and everyone should have the right to say what they aren't comfortable with without being put down.

I'll be honest, I didn't know how else to put it. but yes I don't blame her at all, just wish it wouldn't hinder things in a way. All here for similar reasons. "

You don't need to mention her at all. She doesn't know you're here but you've brought her in to it without her knowledge. All you need to say is that you're attached but your partner is unaware. Plenty of people are happy to meet attached people you just need to concentrate on them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Op, it doesn't make her small minded, she just doesn't want to do it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Op, it doesn't make her small minded, she just doesn't want to do it."
see 4th post

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just state it and make no excuses.

We don't judge attached people although we won't meet them. One thing that we don't like though is when a person makes reference to their unwitting partner in any way disrespectfully.

Absolutely on both counts. Honesty is the right way to go but it felt unfair to me to class her as small minded. Swinging isn't for everyone and everyone should have the right to say what they aren't comfortable with without being put down.

I'll be honest, I didn't know how else to put it. but yes I don't blame her at all, just wish it wouldn't hinder things in a way. All here for similar reasons.

You don't need to mention her at all. She doesn't know you're here but you've brought her in to it without her knowledge. All you need to say is that you're attached but your partner is unaware. Plenty of people are happy to meet attached people you just need to concentrate on them."

Okay noted..I'll try to keep it to the point without making more of it in future. Keep trying I guess

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Just state it and make no excuses.

We don't judge attached people although we won't meet them. One thing that we don't like though is when a person makes reference to their unwitting partner in any way disrespectfully.

Absolutely on both counts. Honesty is the right way to go but it felt unfair to me to class her as small minded. Swinging isn't for everyone and everyone should have the right to say what they aren't comfortable with without being put down.

I'll be honest, I didn't know how else to put it. but yes I don't blame her at all, just wish it wouldn't hinder things in a way. All here for similar reasons.

You don't need to mention her at all. She doesn't know you're here but you've brought her in to it without her knowledge. All you need to say is that you're attached but your partner is unaware. Plenty of people are happy to meet attached people you just need to concentrate on them.

Okay noted..I'll try to keep it to the point without making more of it in future. Keep trying I guess "

Not much else you can do.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We always have a certain amount of sympathy for people who feel they are 'trapped' in a sexless marriage maybe due to kids. Maybe this is your situation? However the way you've expressed suggested to me that you are your partner are simply not on the same wavelength sexually. And unless there is something that makes it necessary for you to stay together, you are kind of young to settle for someone who doesn't meet your sexual needs. It's my opinion that sexual compatibility is one of the important factors that make a successful relationship. And you are bound to get caught eventually. Either way, personal experience has taught us that attached guys are a pain in the arse - inflexible with their time, rarely available, clock watch etc etc. It's not their fault, but that's not our problem when there are so many single guy with easier availability. You have after all admitted this in your profile.

Mrs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We always have a certain amount of sympathy for people who feel they are 'trapped' in a sexless marriage maybe due to kids. Maybe this is your situation? However the way you've expressed suggested to me that you are your partner are simply not on the same wavelength sexually. And unless there is something that makes it necessary for you to stay together, you are kind of young to settle for someone who doesn't meet your sexual needs. It's my opinion that sexual compatibility is one of the important factors that make a successful relationship. And you are bound to get caught eventually. Either way, personal experience has taught us that attached guys are a pain in the arse - inflexible with their time, rarely available, clock watch etc etc. It's not their fault, but that's not our problem when there are so many single guy with easier availability. You have after all admitted this in your profile.

Mrs"

It's not sexless, it's just I've reached a point where things won't go any further experience wise. Well we have a dependant and I love her so I'm not gonna entertain the idea of splitting.

That I have I did it so I was completely clear with those that speak to me. Thanks for the analysis.

Rx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just state it and make no excuses.

We don't judge attached people although we won't meet them. One thing that we don't like though is when a person makes reference to their unwitting partner in any way disrespectfully.

Absolutely on both counts. Honesty is the right way to go but it felt unfair to me to class her as small minded. Swinging isn't for everyone and everyone should have the right to say what they aren't comfortable with without being put down.

I'll be honest, I didn't know how else to put it. but yes I don't blame her at all, just wish it wouldn't hinder things in a way. All here for similar reasons.

You don't need to mention her at all. She doesn't know you're here but you've brought her in to it without her knowledge. All you need to say is that you're attached but your partner is unaware. Plenty of people are happy to meet attached people you just need to concentrate on them."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a shame fab wont let u filter by single or attached.

It wont stop liars but it will save a lot of problems for those who are open about the fact they are cheating and those who dont want to meet them

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Just another attached guy making excuses at the expense of his unassuming partner, thank fuck I stayed single

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ssssh. The penguins don't know I'm here.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just another attached guy making excuses at the expense of his unassuming partner, thank fuck I stayed single "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Attached but playing solo, as SO is small minded when it comes to being adventurous. She doesn't know of this lovely place...

How the hell do you portray that and still manage to get interest. Ironic this, but I don't actually like lying.

Just got turned down for a possible MMF as I explained my stance. "

Just be prepared to explain yourself to your partner if/when she catches you out by finding a number in your phone, seeing a whatsapp chat or hearing something on the grapevine. If you play with fire, your fingers usually get burnt....

I personally choose not to meet men who are cheating on their partner as it causes way too much hassle. I am clear with men that I will not lie for them, so if the wife contacts me I will tell her exactly how I met her husband and where she can view his profile. Have had a couple of wives and girlfriends contact me over the years whose men had said they were single!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hortieWoman
over a year ago

Northampton

I prefer the honest approach. 'attached, but partner unaware' is cool. Then I can avoid.

Not for me, but some women do prefer that... because that most likely means, you will be less of a pain, and will fuck off after a nut and bolt.

This is part of your sex life, do with it what you want. You have to live with the consequences.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Each to their own personal I prefer an attached person it is what it is x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ssssh. The penguins don't know I'm here. "

Penguins know all, sneaky little bastards will be watching and waiting! Their time will come then there will be trouble u watch x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We always have a certain amount of sympathy for people who feel they are 'trapped' in a sexless marriage maybe due to kids. Maybe this is your situation? However the way you've expressed suggested to me that you are your partner are simply not on the same wavelength sexually. And unless there is something that makes it necessary for you to stay together, you are kind of young to settle for someone who doesn't meet your sexual needs. It's my opinion that sexual compatibility is one of the important factors that make a successful relationship. And you are bound to get caught eventually. Either way, personal experience has taught us that attached guys are a pain in the arse - inflexible with their time, rarely available, clock watch etc etc. It's not their fault, but that's not our problem when there are so many single guy with easier availability. You have after all admitted this in your profile.

Mrs"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Id rather someone was up front about their relationship status. At least then I can make an informed choice. Alot use it as a filter tho."

Agree

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here. "

I read it as he was turned down for the MMF because he was attached.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally i dont want reasons or excuses as its your way of accepting you are doing it.

Id rather no drama here and i met a few attached years ago and had nothing but issues so id rather not now.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here.

I read it as he was turned down for the MMF because he was attached."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here. "

I'm not bored, it's a case of wanting to learn and experience with others without the emotional connection (everyone has fantasies) I have a happy sex life and I appreciate her in every way I can manage.

But like others have said, it's just not something they would like to get involved with.

A couple made that perfectly clear by messaging me privately and insulting me at length, about the whole thread...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I just always hope that anyone thats attached and have an unaware partner would have the common decency to 'look out' for the unsuspecting fabber they have lied to if the shit hits the fan...

Its everyones worst nightmare to have a seething partner on your doorstep when you are entering into a meet(s) with someone who has said they are single xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here.

I'm not bored, it's a case of wanting to learn and experience with others without the emotional connection (everyone has fantasies) I have a happy sex life and I appreciate her in every way I can manage.

But like others have said, it's just not something they would like to get involved with.

A couple made that perfectly clear by messaging me privately and insulting me at length, about the whole thread... "

Normally when people form a permanent commitment to another person and they do that out of choice, it's understood that they forfit certain rights. You presumably feel you have the right to have non-emotional sex with others whether your partner likes it or not? But you are not prepared to tell your partner that you feel you have a right to sex with others whilst in a relationship with her? As it stands it the moment it seams she in in this relationship with you under false pretences. Do you feel she deserves that? Your not bored, you've got a great sex life with your partner, yet you want the freedom of a single man. Is this not something you should have thought of before you made a commitment to her? Believe it or not, I totally relate to your needs - you're young and want to have a bit fun. But you chose to get into a relationship instead.

Mrs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here.

I'm not bored, it's a case of wanting to learn and experience with others without the emotional connection (everyone has fantasies) I have a happy sex life and I appreciate her in every way I can manage.

But like others have said, it's just not something they would like to get involved with.

A couple made that perfectly clear by messaging me privately and insulting me at length, about the whole thread...

Normally when people form a permanent commitment to another person and they do that out of choice, it's understood that they forfit certain rights. You presumably feel you have the right to have non-emotional sex with others whether your partner likes it or not? But you are not prepared to tell your partner that you feel you have a right to sex with others whilst in a relationship with her? As it stands it the moment it seams she in in this relationship with you under false pretences. Do you feel she deserves that? Your not bored, you've got a great sex life with your partner, yet you want the freedom of a single man. Is this not something you should have thought of before you made a commitment to her? Believe it or not, I totally relate to your needs - you're young and want to have a bit fun. But you chose to get into a relationship instead.

Mrs"

Agree

Its why i didn't settle down till 27/28. Wanted to be free

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here.

I'm not bored, it's a case of wanting to learn and experience with others without the emotional connection (everyone has fantasies) I have a happy sex life and I appreciate her in every way I can manage.

But like others have said, it's just not something they would like to get involved with.

A couple made that perfectly clear by messaging me privately and insulting me at length, about the whole thread...

Normally when people form a permanent commitment to another person and they do that out of choice, it's understood that they forfit certain rights. You presumably feel you have the right to have non-emotional sex with others whether your partner likes it or not? But you are not prepared to tell your partner that you feel you have a right to sex with others whilst in a relationship with her? As it stands it the moment it seams she in in this relationship with you under false pretences. Do you feel she deserves that? Your not bored, you've got a great sex life with your partner, yet you want the freedom of a single man. Is this not something you should have thought of before you made a commitment to her? Believe it or not, I totally relate to your needs - you're young and want to have a bit fun. But you chose to get into a relationship instead.

Mrs

Agree

Its why i didn't settle down till 27/28. Wanted to be free"

Me too. Throughout my twenties I ended relationships with men so that I could have a bit of fun whilst I was young. Didn't settle down til I was thirty and felt I'd got it out of my system. I didn't feel I had the right to deceive someone I loved in order to have both.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here.

I'm not bored, it's a case of wanting to learn and experience with others without the emotional connection (everyone has fantasies) I have a happy sex life and I appreciate her in every way I can manage.

But like others have said, it's just not something they would like to get involved with.

A couple made that perfectly clear by messaging me privately and insulting me at length, about the whole thread...

Normally when people form a permanent commitment to another person and they do that out of choice, it's understood that they forfit certain rights. You presumably feel you have the right to have non-emotional sex with others whether your partner likes it or not? But you are not prepared to tell your partner that you feel you have a right to sex with others whilst in a relationship with her? As it stands it the moment it seams she in in this relationship with you under false pretences. Do you feel she deserves that? Your not bored, you've got a great sex life with your partner, yet you want the freedom of a single man. Is this not something you should have thought of before you made a commitment to her? Believe it or not, I totally relate to your needs - you're young and want to have a bit fun. But you chose to get into a relationship instead.

Mrs"

Exactly.

We all make mistakes. Especially when we are young. Maybe the op thought he could be monogamous with his partner and now realises he can't. If so, he now should talk to her about his desires and see if they can accommodate each other. If not, it's best to part. Otherwise you are storing up misery for both of you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here.

I'm not bored, it's a case of wanting to learn and experience with others without the emotional connection (everyone has fantasies) I have a happy sex life and I appreciate her in every way I can manage.

But like others have said, it's just not something they would like to get involved with.

A couple made that perfectly clear by messaging me privately and insulting me at length, about the whole thread...

Normally when people form a permanent commitment to another person and they do that out of choice, it's understood that they forfit certain rights. You presumably feel you have the right to have non-emotional sex with others whether your partner likes it or not? But you are not prepared to tell your partner that you feel you have a right to sex with others whilst in a relationship with her? As it stands it the moment it seams she in in this relationship with you under false pretences. Do you feel she deserves that? Your not bored, you've got a great sex life with your partner, yet you want the freedom of a single man. Is this not something you should have thought of before you made a commitment to her? Believe it or not, I totally relate to your needs - you're young and want to have a bit fun. But you chose to get into a relationship instead.

Mrs

Exactly.

We all make mistakes. Especially when we are young. Maybe the op thought he could be monogamous with his partner and now realises he can't. If so, he now should talk to her about his desires and see if they can accommodate each other. If not, it's best to part. Otherwise you are storing up misery for both of you. "

We are parents, I cannot do that...together for 9 years, I wasn't to know I'd miss my playful teens. I know the outcome as I have tried to open her eyes before with the suggestion of a 3sum. Flat out refused, so I shan't be crossing that bridge again soon.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here.

I'm not bored, it's a case of wanting to learn and experience with others without the emotional connection (everyone has fantasies) I have a happy sex life and I appreciate her in every way I can manage.

But like others have said, it's just not something they would like to get involved with.

A couple made that perfectly clear by messaging me privately and insulting me at length, about the whole thread...

Normally when people form a permanent commitment to another person and they do that out of choice, it's understood that they forfit certain rights. You presumably feel you have the right to have non-emotional sex with others whether your partner likes it or not? But you are not prepared to tell your partner that you feel you have a right to sex with others whilst in a relationship with her? As it stands it the moment it seams she in in this relationship with you under false pretences. Do you feel she deserves that? Your not bored, you've got a great sex life with your partner, yet you want the freedom of a single man. Is this not something you should have thought of before you made a commitment to her? Believe it or not, I totally relate to your needs - you're young and want to have a bit fun. But you chose to get into a relationship instead.

Mrs

Exactly.

We all make mistakes. Especially when we are young. Maybe the op thought he could be monogamous with his partner and now realises he can't. If so, he now should talk to her about his desires and see if they can accommodate each other. If not, it's best to part. Otherwise you are storing up misery for both of you.

We are parents, I cannot do that...together for 9 years, I wasn't to know I'd miss my playful teens. I know the outcome as I have tried to open her eyes before with the suggestion of a 3sum. Flat out refused, so I shan't be crossing that bridge again soon. "

Lots of couples with children split up.

Your ethical choices are to either stop swinging and make the best of it with your partner or discuss your desires with her and see if you can resolve it.

What is not ethical is swinging behind her back. It's not ethical because deceit is not ethical. As people have said she is in a relationship on a false basis and no one likes that.

I emphasize to some extent as I was in your position in my twenties. Years of misery taught me that honestly is always best however hard it seems at the time.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here.

I'm not bored, it's a case of wanting to learn and experience with others without the emotional connection (everyone has fantasies) I have a happy sex life and I appreciate her in every way I can manage.

But like others have said, it's just not something they would like to get involved with.

A couple made that perfectly clear by messaging me privately and insulting me at length, about the whole thread...

Normally when people form a permanent commitment to another person and they do that out of choice, it's understood that they forfit certain rights. You presumably feel you have the right to have non-emotional sex with others whether your partner likes it or not? But you are not prepared to tell your partner that you feel you have a right to sex with others whilst in a relationship with her? As it stands it the moment it seams she in in this relationship with you under false pretences. Do you feel she deserves that? Your not bored, you've got a great sex life with your partner, yet you want the freedom of a single man. Is this not something you should have thought of before you made a commitment to her? Believe it or not, I totally relate to your needs - you're young and want to have a bit fun. But you chose to get into a relationship instead.

Mrs

Exactly.

We all make mistakes. Especially when we are young. Maybe the op thought he could be monogamous with his partner and now realises he can't. If so, he now should talk to her about his desires and see if they can accommodate each other. If not, it's best to part. Otherwise you are storing up misery for both of you.

We are parents, I cannot do that...together for 9 years, I wasn't to know I'd miss my playful teens. I know the outcome as I have tried to open her eyes before with the suggestion of a 3sum. Flat out refused, so I shan't be crossing that bridge again soon. "

I do get that, but you'll have to come cross that bridge if she finds out or suspects, and the risk is so high. And if this new way of life works for you, you could be doing this for the next 20 years. That's a long time to keep a secret. I take it NSA fun is something you feel you have to have and you are not able to control that desire for the sake of your family?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

Gadzooks. Do you what you gotta do. Keep it off the forum. Best advise I can offer you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here.

I'm not bored, it's a case of wanting to learn and experience with others without the emotional connection (everyone has fantasies) I have a happy sex life and I appreciate her in every way I can manage.

But like others have said, it's just not something they would like to get involved with.

A couple made that perfectly clear by messaging me privately and insulting me at length, about the whole thread...

Normally when people form a permanent commitment to another person and they do that out of choice, it's understood that they forfit certain rights. You presumably feel you have the right to have non-emotional sex with others whether your partner likes it or not? But you are not prepared to tell your partner that you feel you have a right to sex with others whilst in a relationship with her? As it stands it the moment it seams she in in this relationship with you under false pretences. Do you feel she deserves that? Your not bored, you've got a great sex life with your partner, yet you want the freedom of a single man. Is this not something you should have thought of before you made a commitment to her? Believe it or not, I totally relate to your needs - you're young and want to have a bit fun. But you chose to get into a relationship instead.

Mrs

Exactly.

We all make mistakes. Especially when we are young. Maybe the op thought he could be monogamous with his partner and now realises he can't. If so, he now should talk to her about his desires and see if they can accommodate each other. If not, it's best to part. Otherwise you are storing up misery for both of you.

We are parents, I cannot do that...together for 9 years, I wasn't to know I'd miss my playful teens. I know the outcome as I have tried to open her eyes before with the suggestion of a 3sum. Flat out refused, so I shan't be crossing that bridge again soon.

I do get that, but you'll have to come cross that bridge if she finds out or suspects, and the risk is so high. And if this new way of life works for you, you could be doing this for the next 20 years. That's a long time to keep a secret. I take it NSA fun is something you feel you have to have and you are not able to control that desire for the sake of your family?"

Exactly. We all make mistakes and it seems the op made a mistake in settling down too young. However when you make mistakes it's your responsibility to resolve them without hurting other people.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here.

I'm not bored, it's a case of wanting to learn and experience with others without the emotional connection (everyone has fantasies) I have a happy sex life and I appreciate her in every way I can manage.

But like others have said, it's just not something they would like to get involved with.

A couple made that perfectly clear by messaging me privately and insulting me at length, about the whole thread...

Normally when people form a permanent commitment to another person and they do that out of choice, it's understood that they forfit certain rights. You presumably feel you have the right to have non-emotional sex with others whether your partner likes it or not? But you are not prepared to tell your partner that you feel you have a right to sex with others whilst in a relationship with her? As it stands it the moment it seams she in in this relationship with you under false pretences. Do you feel she deserves that? Your not bored, you've got a great sex life with your partner, yet you want the freedom of a single man. Is this not something you should have thought of before you made a commitment to her? Believe it or not, I totally relate to your needs - you're young and want to have a bit fun. But you chose to get into a relationship instead.

Mrs

Exactly.

We all make mistakes. Especially when we are young. Maybe the op thought he could be monogamous with his partner and now realises he can't. If so, he now should talk to her about his desires and see if they can accommodate each other. If not, it's best to part. Otherwise you are storing up misery for both of you.

We are parents, I cannot do that...together for 9 years, I wasn't to know I'd miss my playful teens. I know the outcome as I have tried to open her eyes before with the suggestion of a 3sum. Flat out refused, so I shan't be crossing that bridge again soon.

I do get that, but you'll have to come cross that bridge if she finds out or suspects, and the risk is so high. And if this new way of life works for you, you could be doing this for the next 20 years. That's a long time to keep a secret. I take it NSA fun is something you feel you have to have and you are not able to control that desire for the sake of your family?"

Pretty much...I've tried to let it dissolve into nothing. But it comes back like an itch...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Gadzooks. Do you what you gotta do. Keep it off the forum. Best advise I can offer you."

In hindsight probably should have...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fact is you can do what you like, people taking the moral high ground with you are interfering in your life... You/we all have the ability to make decisions, choices and experience life in any way we all see fit... But we're also responsible for any fall out we generate.

Good luck to you I hope things all work out... Which imo one way or another, sooner or later they do if you're willing to learn from the experiences you create x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East


"Gadzooks. Do you what you gotta do. Keep it off the forum. Best advise I can offer you.

In hindsight probably should have..."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Gadzooks. Do you what you gotta do. Keep it off the forum. Best advise I can offer you."

Exactly

Dont ask the questions, if you cant deal with the answers

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"Fact is you can do what you like, people taking the moral high ground with you are interfering in your life... You/we all have the ability to make decisions, choices and experience life in any way we all see fit... But we're also responsible for any fall out we generate.

Good luck to you I hope things all work out... Which imo one way or another, sooner or later they do if you're willing to learn from the experiences you create x"

If you don't want people to "interfere in your life" it's probably best to not post details of your life on a public forum.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fact is you can do what you like, people taking the moral high ground with you are interfering in your life... You/we all have the ability to make decisions, choices and experience life in any way we all see fit... But we're also responsible for any fall out we generate.

Good luck to you I hope things all work out... Which imo one way or another, sooner or later they do if you're willing to learn from the experiences you create x

If you don't want people to "interfere in your life" it's probably best to not post details of your life on a public forum. "

Think that's one of the first lessons he's gona take on board by the looks of things lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It does concern me that your 25 and young and already bored in your relationship that you've come on here. I admire your honesty OP but maybe if you've already turned down a MMF your not ready to be here.

I'm not bored, it's a case of wanting to learn and experience with others without the emotional connection (everyone has fantasies) I have a happy sex life and I appreciate her in every way I can manage.

But like others have said, it's just not something they would like to get involved with.

A couple made that perfectly clear by messaging me privately and insulting me at length, about the whole thread...

Normally when people form a permanent commitment to another person and they do that out of choice, it's understood that they forfit certain rights. You presumably feel you have the right to have non-emotional sex with others whether your partner likes it or not? But you are not prepared to tell your partner that you feel you have a right to sex with others whilst in a relationship with her? As it stands it the moment it seams she in in this relationship with you under false pretences. Do you feel she deserves that? Your not bored, you've got a great sex life with your partner, yet you want the freedom of a single man. Is this not something you should have thought of before you made a commitment to her? Believe it or not, I totally relate to your needs - you're young and want to have a bit fun. But you chose to get into a relationship instead.

Mrs

Exactly.

We all make mistakes. Especially when we are young. Maybe the op thought he could be monogamous with his partner and now realises he can't. If so, he now should talk to her about his desires and see if they can accommodate each other. If not, it's best to part. Otherwise you are storing up misery for both of you.

We are parents, I cannot do that...together for 9 years, I wasn't to know I'd miss my playful teens. I know the outcome as I have tried to open her eyes before with the suggestion of a 3sum. Flat out refused, so I shan't be crossing that bridge again soon.

I do get that, but you'll have to come cross that bridge if she finds out or suspects, and the risk is so high. And if this new way of life works for you, you could be doing this for the next 20 years. That's a long time to keep a secret. I take it NSA fun is something you feel you have to have and you are not able to control that desire for the sake of your family?

Pretty much...I've tried to let it dissolve into nothing. But it comes back like an itch... "

So you explain this to her now, or wait til she finds out when the outcome is likely to be worse. I guess you're taking the gamble that she won't find out!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Fact is you can do what you like, people taking the moral high ground with you are interfering in your life... You/we all have the ability to make decisions, choices and experience life in any way we all see fit... But we're also responsible for any fall out we generate.

Good luck to you I hope things all work out... Which imo one way or another, sooner or later they do if you're willing to learn from the experiences you create x"

Thanks for the neutral response

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Fact is you can do what you like, people taking the moral high ground with you are interfering in your life... You/we all have the ability to make decisions, choices and experience life in any way we all see fit... But we're also responsible for any fall out we generate.

Good luck to you I hope things all work out... Which imo one way or another, sooner or later they do if you're willing to learn from the experiences you create x

If you don't want people to "interfere in your life" it's probably best to not post details of your life on a public forum.

Think that's one of the first lessons he's gona take on board by the looks of things lol"

Well yes it's apparent now, but was just looking for a bit of direction and insight.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aughtywifeandhimCouple
over a year ago

luton

Best be honest with your profile we have played with both married and un married guys some we have known and have good reason some have lied and let it slip out after.me and wife have also played solo .but have made others aware we are married .because we play mainly at club we dont interogate those we play with .if they wernt playing with us it would be someone else.what goes on at club stays at club .some have very good reasons .like devorced widowed .some there partners may have no interest in sex .but they love them enough they dont want to leave them .and some who like the thought of sending wifes or husbands out to get fucked .and some are just plane single and dont wantto be in relationship .you only have one life so enjoy it .as long as it with consulting adults an not illegal why not ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fact is you can do what you like, people taking the moral high ground with you are interfering in your life... You/we all have the ability to make decisions, choices and experience life in any way we all see fit... But we're also responsible for any fall out we generate.

Good luck to you I hope things all work out... Which imo one way or another, sooner or later they do if you're willing to learn from the experiences you create x

Thanks for the neutral response "

Neutral responses help to look at situations from a multiple perspective view imo

Moralistic responses can be based upon hidden agendas, personal experience, pier pressure and who's morals are they anyways seeings as morals are subjective, collective and generally set to instil fear and control into people...

Life isn't black and white, it's multi facetted... No one but you is in your shoes, or your head and no one but you knows the details you are dealing with

Personally I respect the fact you're trying to keep everyone happy, I don't envy you having to make difficult decisions when you obviously love the people you are spending your life with .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

It's not necessarily a moralistic response to say the op should talk to his partner. In the long run that's probably better for both of them than continuing the deceit.

On the other hand coming on here saying you are swinging behind your partners back, moaning you can't get meets and dissing your unsuspecting partner is likely to provoke strong negative reactions.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Id rather someone was up front about their relationship status. At least then I can make an informed choice. Alot use it as a filter tho."

Exactly this.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Does love equal cheating?! Will the cheated on partner still see that love?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I appreciate everyone's views and thoughts. Plus I can see where others are coming from with what's been said. Some things just aren't worth entertaining unfortunately.

I don't think it originally came across as a moan, more so an "oh well"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does love equal cheating?! Will the cheated on partner still see that love?"

We might all have a lot of attributes we list underneath the desired characteristics love should generate but it's an ephemeral, paradoxical concept that generates different responses within different people... It's not pin down-able... Categorisable or diminishable.

There's different kinds of love and unfortunately most people don't check in with each other before they get married to see if the love they're giving is the same..

Conditional love for example isn't anything I'm wanting to sign myself up for, but it's the most prevalent type of love that the majority of people settle for, and it's the most popular type people have grown up emulating.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"I appreciate everyone's views and thoughts. Plus I can see where others are coming from with what's been said. Some things just aren't worth entertaining unfortunately.

I don't think it originally came across as a moan, more so an "oh well" "

To go back to your initial query..

If you are going to lie, it seems a bit strange to be more concerned with lying to strangers who you want to meet for casual sex than lying to your partner.

So, if you have no moral objection to serious lies that would cause huge upset if found out, why worry about lies that would cause no more than minor annoyance?

You should therefore delete your profile and put on a new one lying about your status. You'd get more meets that way.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"Does love equal cheating?! Will the cheated on partner still see that love?

We might all have a lot of attributes we list underneath the desired characteristics love should generate but it's an ephemeral, paradoxical concept that generates different responses within different people... It's not pin down-able... Categorisable or diminishable.

There's different kinds of love and unfortunately most people don't check in with each other before they get married to see if the love they're giving is the same..

Conditional love for example isn't anything I'm wanting to sign myself up for, but it's the most prevalent type of love that the majority of people settle for, and it's the most popular type people have grown up emulating.

"

There are definitely conditions to my love for an adult. Cheat on me and you're out the door,cheerio,adios! If someone cheats on me they don't love me,simple.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

Your young OP .. talk to your lady ....she could be bored too ... tired ... feeling a bit down ...perhaps you need to make more of an effort to help ...

If you play with fire ....you will get burnt , the grass isnt greener on the other side .... you could lose everything and end up a lonley man with only your fantasises to keep you company

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ssssh. The penguins don't know I'm here.

Penguins know all, sneaky little bastards will be watching and waiting! Their time will come then there will be trouble u watch x"

I'm blatantly tuning in to find out the outcome of penguingate

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does love equal cheating?! Will the cheated on partner still see that love?

We might all have a lot of attributes we list underneath the desired characteristics love should generate but it's an ephemeral, paradoxical concept that generates different responses within different people... It's not pin down-able... Categorisable or diminishable.

There's different kinds of love and unfortunately most people don't check in with each other before they get married to see if the love they're giving is the same..

Conditional love for example isn't anything I'm wanting to sign myself up for, but it's the most prevalent type of love that the majority of people settle for, and it's the most popular type people have grown up emulating.

There are definitely conditions to my love for an adult. Cheat on me and you're out the door,cheerio,adios! If someone cheats on me they don't love me,simple."

I understand where you're coming from... Having remained single most of my life because I think most relationships are dysfunctional, controlling and not set of the type of love foundations I can have any faith in... I've thought about the issue a lot... Personally I don't want to get attached to a type of love that gets turned on or off depending on what I do or don't do... To me that's control and not love... Also I do not know any human being incapable of making a mistake.. Seems to be a life long feature for most, which makes me think it's a built in human attribute.

Obviously we all have our preferences of what we do and don't want to experience... it's very hard keeping everyone happy, one of the reasons I focus on being single and keeping myself happy 'cos no one can do that job better for me than me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I appreciate everyone's views and thoughts. Plus I can see where others are coming from with what's been said. Some things just aren't worth entertaining unfortunately.

I don't think it originally came across as a moan, more so an "oh well"

To go back to your initial query..

If you are going to lie, it seems a bit strange to be more concerned with lying to strangers who you want to meet for casual sex than lying to your partner.

So, if you have no moral objection to serious lies that would cause huge upset if found out, why worry about lies that would cause no more than minor annoyance?

You should therefore delete your profile and put on a new one lying about your status. You'd get more meets that way. "

Well I'm not lying because she doesn't know! Please don't try and be sarcastic with me. Not appreciated. If It was possible to be a couple on here, I would.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"I appreciate everyone's views and thoughts. Plus I can see where others are coming from with what's been said. Some things just aren't worth entertaining unfortunately.

I don't think it originally came across as a moan, more so an "oh well"

To go back to your initial query..

If you are going to lie, it seems a bit strange to be more concerned with lying to strangers who you want to meet for casual sex than lying to your partner.

So, if you have no moral objection to serious lies that would cause huge upset if found out, why worry about lies that would cause no more than minor annoyance?

You should therefore delete your profile and put on a new one lying about your status. You'd get more meets that way.

Well I'm not lying because she doesn't know! Please don't try and be sarcastic with me. Not appreciated. If It was possible to be a couple on here, I would. "

I am not being sarcastic and you are lying by omission at the very least. .

I do genuinely find it puzzling as to why you are more concerned about lying to strangers than deceiving your partner.

The advice is genuine. Lie about your relationship status. You will get more meets that way.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I appreciate everyone's views and thoughts. Plus I can see where others are coming from with what's been said. Some things just aren't worth entertaining unfortunately.

I don't think it originally came across as a moan, more so an "oh well"

To go back to your initial query..

If you are going to lie, it seems a bit strange to be more concerned with lying to strangers who you want to meet for casual sex than lying to your partner.

So, if you have no moral objection to serious lies that would cause huge upset if found out, why worry about lies that would cause no more than minor annoyance?

You should therefore delete your profile and put on a new one lying about your status. You'd get more meets that way.

Well I'm not lying because she doesn't know! Please don't try and be sarcastic with me. Not appreciated. If It was possible to be a couple on here, I would.

I am not being sarcastic and you are lying by omission at the very least. .

I do genuinely find it puzzling as to why you are more concerned about lying to strangers than deceiving your partner.

The advice is genuine. Lie about your relationship status. You will get more meets that way. "

Leaving the OH out of this, it was for courtesy...that's all.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does love equal cheating?! Will the cheated on partner still see that love?

We might all have a lot of attributes we list underneath the desired characteristics love should generate but it's an ephemeral, paradoxical concept that generates different responses within different people... It's not pin down-able... Categorisable or diminishable.

There's different kinds of love and unfortunately most people don't check in with each other before they get married to see if the love they're giving is the same..

Conditional love for example isn't anything I'm wanting to sign myself up for, but it's the most prevalent type of love that the majority of people settle for, and it's the most popular type people have grown up emulating.

There are definitely conditions to my love for an adult. Cheat on me and you're out the door,cheerio,adios! If someone cheats on me they don't love me,simple.

I understand where you're coming from... Having remained single most of my life because I think most relationships are dysfunctional, controlling and not set of the type of love foundations I can have any faith in... I've thought about the issue a lot... Personally I don't want to get attached to a type of love that gets turned on or off depending on what I do or don't do... To me that's control and not love... Also I do not know any human being incapable of making a mistake.. Seems to be a life long feature for most, which makes me think it's a built in human attribute.

Obviously we all have our preferences of what we do and don't want to experience... it's very hard keeping everyone happy, one of the reasons I focus on being single and keeping myself happy 'cos no one can do that job better for me than me."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are 25 years of age and it maybe be a moan but reading between the lines, you want your cake and eat it.

It doesn't always work, can be a complete head fuck for all involved and he fully let me have open relationship, when we both knew it was broke beyond fixing (6 years ago)

Tread carefully x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

how would that saying apply to this in lamens terms, I know the term I just can't fit it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel very sorry for your partner and child, you have a good sex life, so why you on here? As someone previously said, the grass isn't greener, in fact it can be quite rotten and brown.

Embrace what you have, trust me you are not missing anything.......and honestly, could you handle the guilt if you went with someone else???????

I know you're young and think you are missing out, but a loving relationship is very very special, don't ruin it for a bit of silly fun, that you will regret later.

Just a old woman's ramblings, but I'd choose love over random sex and fantasy any day.

I've been there, done loads of swinging stuff, 3 years of parties, mmf ffm gang bangs, you name it, in the end, if you have someone that loves you, and you love them, make it work!!!!!!

I've met a wonderful vanilla guy, been with him 18 months and no desire to go back to swinging.

I'm only here to have a nose at the arguments on the forums.

Believe me, love is so more important than shagging randoms.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Better to be honest - but perhaps not explain it in a way that may seem like you're putting someone down.

Be clear from the start that you're attached and remember that most single men here have to put tons of effort in to getting a meet of any sort.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well thanks for all the advice and suggestions. I'm going to retreat and think about stuff to those that were constructive.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The OP raises that long running issue on here ...

Its in my profile so I don't have problem discussing it

I used to play with my first wife for abut 10 years on this and another site and then a fem FB from Sheffield for a very long time on here alone, so I see this from both points;

As a married bisexual guy playing "solo" who wife is only knowledge of this, was that we met via another well known site for sex.

I am by nature oversexed and do enjoy make and female form sexually - I am loathed to give that lifestyle up - yet - and whatever some might say, if I have sex with genuine likeminded women in same position as me and neither of us want love and we play safe, what harm are we doing ???

Yes its wrong and I accept other points of view, so I avoid trying to meet them

J xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honest respectful question OP.

Why are you still with her if you want to fuck around?

She deserves more. Have your cake and eat it, get your meals cooked, your shirts ironed and whatever else whilst you are trawling the internet seeking sex without her knowledge.

I find it to be totally abhorrent. Grow a pair, decide what is more important, her or your devious ways and total disregard for her or her feelings and possible future sexual health.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"The OP raises that long running issue on here ...

Its in my profile so I don't have problem discussing it

I used to play with my first wife for abut 10 years on this and another site and then a fem FB from Sheffield for a very long time on here alone, so I see this from both points;

As a married bisexual guy playing "solo" who wife is only knowledge of this, was that we met via another well known site for sex.

I am by nature oversexed and do enjoy make and female form sexually - I am loathed to give that lifestyle up - yet - and whatever some might say, if I have sex with genuine likeminded women in same position as me and neither of us want love and we play safe, what harm are we doing ???

Yes its wrong and I accept other points of view, so I avoid trying to meet them

J xx "

I think the bottom line is that if you really thought there was no harm in what you are doing, you would tell your wife. After all if you were going fishing say, you would tell her as there is no harm in that.

Of course, you know that the harm is that she would be massively upset if she knew, hence your secrecy.

Not a go at your specifically, but when people doing morally dubious things try to justify themselves in sophistical ways, it gets me somewhat!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"Honest respectful question OP.

Why are you still with her if you want to fuck around?

She deserves more. Have your cake and eat it, get your meals cooked, your shirts ironed and whatever else whilst you are trawling the internet seeking sex without her knowledge.

I find it to be totally abhorrent. Grow a pair, decide what is more important, her or your devious ways and total disregard for her or her feelings and possible future sexual health.

"

I tend to agree.

Also, it seems the guy used to swing with a previous partner, so it's not as if he was initially monogamous and then changed.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just state it and make no excuses.

We don't judge attached people although we won't meet them. One thing that we don't like though is when a person makes reference to their unwitting partner in any way disrespectfully."

which is what I do. Some are ok with it, some aren't

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *r C Miss CCouple
over a year ago

llanelli

Becareful their are couples out there that will try to expolit your situation and extort money out of you. It happened to a mate of mine the other day. He was on here and cheating on his mrs. A couple messaged him. They exchanged a few messages and pictures. He then got a message off them saying they know who his mrs is and if he dont pay them x amount of cash they was going to tell his mrs he was on here. So just becareful

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"Just state it and make no excuses.

We don't judge attached people although we won't meet them. One thing that we don't like though is when a person makes reference to their unwitting partner in any way disrespectfully.

which is what I do. Some are ok with it, some aren't "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

And @ Greenhorn

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"And @ Greenhorn"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Maybe I'll just turn into a forum overseer then....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/09/17 09:17:02]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's going on in your relationship is your problem...don't make it other peoples! Be honest and up front on your profile so that any potential contacts can make an informed decision.

There are lots of reasons why a married person would be looking for sex outside their relationship. Life isn't black and white. My own personal opinion is that the reasons you give for being here aren't good enough!

My wife has been ill for a very long time. I went years with no sex before I plucked up the courage to discuss the possibility of me finding a playmate. It was a very emotional conversation! She didn't like the idea so, I spent another 2 years respecting her thoughts on the matter before caving in to my natural urges. The deceit feels shit at times!

If my wife was able to have sex, it wouldn't matter that she didn't like anal or, having another person join us etc...I would respect that and I wouldn't be here! That is only my personal opinion. I know how strong sexual urges are and am not judging you.

My advise is...Find a way to talk to her about it in depth and, how you feel about her to reassure her that it is just sex and that your love remains hers. If you can't get permission and decide to go ahead, be honest with people about your situation so they can make an informed decision. And, be prepared one day for the shit to hit the fan and for it to fuck your life up and the relationship with your children. That sounds harsh but, potentially that is the position you are putting yourself in!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ubmegentlyMan
over a year ago

newcastle upon tyne

Double edge blade one hand uve got the wife/partner at home on the other uve got no strings sex (shoot and go type thing ) i know what id choose ... do u take the red pill or the blue hmmmm ....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London


"We always have a certain amount of sympathy for people who feel they are 'trapped' in a sexless marriage maybe due to kids. Maybe this is your situation? However the way you've expressed suggested to me that you are your partner are simply not on the same wavelength sexually. And unless there is something that makes it necessary for you to stay together, you are kind of young to settle for someone who doesn't meet your sexual needs. It's my opinion that sexual compatibility is one of the important factors that make a successful relationship. And you are bound to get caught eventually. Either way, personal experience has taught us that attached guys are a pain in the arse - inflexible with their time, rarely available, clock watch etc etc. It's not their fault, but that's not our problem when there are so many single guy with easier availability. You have after all admitted this in your profile.

Mrs

It's not sexless, it's just I've reached a point where things won't go any further experience wise. Well we have a dependant and I love her so I'm not gonna entertain the idea of splitting.

That I have I did it so I was completely clear with those that speak to me. Thanks for the analysis.

Rx "

That's where a lot of us don't get it. Professing to love someone but doing something that will destroy them.

I don't knowingly meet attached men, nor am I disparaging about them. Just be honest and let those that won't meet you make an informed decision.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ubmegentlyMan
over a year ago

newcastle upon tyne

Just say nothing and expect to be taught a lesson from the misses when ur banged to rites

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *wesomeSauce!Man
over a year ago

Brighton

Does "attached but partner is aware and fine with it" put people off?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Does "attached but partner is aware and fine with it" put people off?"

It does us. We don't play alone or meet (knowingly) anyone who is partnered who does either.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ink magnolia s yorksWoman
over a year ago

south yorkshire

I can't be bothered with the hassle of attached men. Why bother when there are loads of single men? Trust me most of us can spot an attached man even if they don't say they are. Unwillingness to meet in say a pub or if they do they almost pretend they aren't with you...classic signs!

There's only one person or type of person I'll come second fiddle to and that's children. As for wives and gfs forget it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *wesomeSauce!Man
over a year ago

Brighton


"I can't be bothered with the hassle of attached men. Why bother when there are loads of single men? Trust me most of us can spot an attached man even if they don't say they are. Unwillingness to meet in say a pub or if they do they almost pretend they aren't with you...classic signs!

There's only one person or type of person I'll come second fiddle to and that's children. As for wives and gfs forget it"

Interesting. Absolutely not criticising - everyone has the right to their own reasons for being here - but it is a "swinging" site isn't it? There are other sites where there are only single (or mostly single) people aren't there?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I can't be bothered with the hassle of attached men. Why bother when there are loads of single men? Trust me most of us can spot an attached man even if they don't say they are. Unwillingness to meet in say a pub or if they do they almost pretend they aren't with you...classic signs!

There's only one person or type of person I'll come second fiddle to and that's children. As for wives and gfs forget it

Interesting. Absolutely not criticising - everyone has the right to their own reasons for being here - but it is a "swinging" site isn't it? There are other sites where there are only single (or mostly single) people aren't there?"

Yes it is a swinging site that means different things to different people.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does "attached but partner is aware and fine with it" put people off?"

We have no issues with playing with people in open relationships. We're in a semi-open relationship ourselves. If looking for something regular it would be whether they are restrictive with their availability that may be of concern, as attached people often are.

Mrs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *wesomeSauce!Man
over a year ago

Brighton


"Yes it is a swinging site that means different things to different people."

It does, I know. I am surprised that for some it means "singles that only meet singles", but to reiterate, I'm not criticising- live and let live and all that stuff.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes it is a swinging site that means different things to different people.

It does, I know. I am surprised that for some it means "singles that only meet singles", but to reiterate, I'm not criticising- live and let live and all that stuff."

The impression I get from other forum discussions it that singles who only meet other single don't tend to regard what they are looking for as swinging.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes it is a swinging site that means different things to different people.

It does, I know. I am surprised that for some it means "singles that only meet singles", but to reiterate, I'm not criticising- live and let live and all that stuff.

The impression I get from other forum discussions it that singles who only meet other single don't tend to regard what they are looking for as swinging. "

I always interpreted swinger's to mean married couples that had sex with others, together or separately, with each others knowledge and consent. I don't think the 3rd party, if single or married and without consent is swinging!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes it is a swinging site that means different things to different people.

It does, I know. I am surprised that for some it means "singles that only meet singles", but to reiterate, I'm not criticising- live and let live and all that stuff.

The impression I get from other forum discussions it that singles who only meet other single don't tend to regard what they are looking for as swinging.

I always interpreted swinger's to mean married couples that had sex with others, together or separately, with each others knowledge and consent. I don't think the 3rd party, if single or married and without consent is swinging!"

I don't regard 2 people meeting up for a shag as swinging. But if 3 people meet up for a threeesome, it's a bit weird to say only 2 of those 3 people are actually swinging and 1 out of those 3 is not swinging

Mrs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put like that, I have no choice but to agree with you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ink magnolia s yorksWoman
over a year ago

south yorkshire

Swinging is two couples or more playing together, not someone cheating on a partner. That's very different, I also don't meet couples on my own for similar reading... been there, done that, the jealousy issues aren't worth it! I used to swing in couples, most of the time now I choose not to. Does that answe your post? As to why I don't, ps criticise away, been here over eight years can't see me going anywhere lol x


"I can't be bothered with the hassle of attached men. Why bother when there are loads of single men? Trust me most of us can spot an attached man even if they don't say they are. Unwillingness to meet in say a pub or if they do they almost pretend they aren't with you...classic signs!

There's only one person or type of person I'll come second fiddle to and that's children. As for wives and gfs forget it

Interesting. Absolutely not criticising - everyone has the right to their own reasons for being here - but it is a "swinging" site isn't it? There are other sites where there are only single (or mostly single) people aren't there?"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ink magnolia s yorksWoman
over a year ago

south yorkshire

And some of us also play as couples from time to time, I always used to


"Yes it is a swinging site that means different things to different people.

It does, I know. I am surprised that for some it means "singles that only meet singles", but to reiterate, I'm not criticising- live and let live and all that stuff."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't be bothered with the hassle of attached men. Why bother when there are loads of single men? Trust me most of us can spot an attached man even if they don't say they are. Unwillingness to meet in say a pub or if they do they almost pretend they aren't with you...classic signs!

There's only one person or type of person I'll come second fiddle to and that's children. As for wives and gfs forget it

Interesting. Absolutely not criticising - everyone has the right to their own reasons for being here - but it is a "swinging" site isn't it? There are other sites where there are only single (or mostly single) people aren't there?"

What is 'swinging'?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Swinging is two couples or more playing together, not someone cheating on a partner."

That is indeed what swinging is....I think it can also now include singles who do not wish to be in a committed relationship...but it is about honesty, open mindedness and free love, and the consent by everyone involved ( including partners)...this does not include lying, cheating and deceitfulness

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area


"Well thanks for all the advice and suggestions. I'm going to retreat and think about stuff to those that were constructive. "

Very sensible ..... good luck op ..... sounds like you have what most are looking for ......dont blow it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well thanks for all the advice and suggestions. I'm going to retreat and think about stuff to those that were constructive.

Very sensible ..... good luck op ..... sounds like you have what most are looking for ......dont blow it "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ornymike_2017Man
over a year ago

Tranmere

I am extremely lucky my partner has full knowledge of me being on here and going to clubs and she is not part of the scene at all there is a genuine reason for this. I agree though total honesty is the way to be

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *imetoexplore69Couple
over a year ago

Aberdeen


"We always have a certain amount of sympathy for people who feel they are 'trapped' in a sexless marriage maybe due to kids. Maybe this is your situation? However the way you've expressed suggested to me that you are your partner are simply not on the same wavelength sexually. And unless there is something that makes it necessary for you to stay together, you are kind of young to settle for someone who doesn't meet your sexual needs. It's my opinion that sexual compatibility is one of the important factors that make a successful relationship. And you are bound to get caught eventually. Either way, personal experience has taught us that attached guys are a pain in the arse - inflexible with their time, rarely available, clock watch etc etc. It's not their fault, but that's not our problem when there are so many single guy with easier availability. You have after all admitted this in your profile.

Mrs

It's not sexless, it's just I've reached a point where things won't go any further experience wise. Well we have a dependant and I love her so I'm not gonna entertain the idea of splitting.

That I have I did it so I was completely clear with those that speak to me. Thanks for the analysis.

Rx "
hmmm to me love is about respect and looking out for the person, you certainly are not doing that.you said it yourself that you arnt in a sexless relationship but that you just want more with others. your partner likely feels the same but she has the respect part of love on point.why don't you try some roleplay with her to get her into the idea and mabye take it from there.that's what we done and to be honast you will be far more successful on here as a couple .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top