FabSwingers.com forum: Am I being a little over sensitive.... again?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Taken my wife out for a meal and a few drinks. This is quite a regular thing. Two, sometimes three times a week.

Is it too much to think she might say 'thank you' ?

Feeling a little taken for granted here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends if you have just nicked her undies without asking?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never sure if you're being serious or joking.

Sorry

If you're being serious, then, yes, I think it's just common courtesy to say thanks but, don't take this the wrong way but I already think she's gone above and beyond the duties of a wife in supporting you through your transitioning so a thanks for a meal out is no big deal in the big scheme of things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

how far do you go - thanks for ironing - thanks for washing up - thanks for the cup of tea - yes i usually say thanks but wouldnt necessarily see my arse if it wasnt said every time - meals out are a real treat for me but if its a regular thing then maybe thanks arent needed every time

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Taking it for granted, don't bother next week and see if she says anything.

Or do the old schoolboy trick of coughing but muttering thank you at the same time when you get up to leave

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By *edonistic ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Stratford

Are you taking her out to please her or to spend time in each other's company? If you feel you are owed thanks I'd be questioning your motives - she's your wife - talk to her!

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

Personally I think she has come to the point of taking them for granted.

For me if things I did were continuing to go unappreciated I would do them less or even stop.

When ever my best friend comes down from Manchester he always makes time for me even if it is just a couple of hours and he always pays for everything. To be Honest I probably do take it for granted but I appreciate it and always thank him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Taken my wife out for a meal and a few drinks. This is quite a regular thing. Two, sometimes three times a week.

Is it too much to think she might say 'thank you' ?

Feeling a little taken for granted here.

If you are doing things on the condition you get gratitude then dont do them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take her to Maccies next time n she might get the hint.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Taken my wife out for a meal and a few drinks. This is quite a regular thing. Two, sometimes three times a week.

Is it too much to think she might say 'thank you' ?

Feeling a little taken for granted here.

Why do you feel she should be grateful and why do you feel you're taking her out rather than the two of you going together? Is it because you're paying?

We go out four or five times a week for coffee Mr N always pays. I just asked him if he felt I should express gratitude. The short version of his answer is "no".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Taken my wife out for a meal and a few drinks. This is quite a regular thing. Two, sometimes three times a week.

Is it too much to think she might say 'thank you' ?

Feeling a little taken for granted here.

If it's 2 or more times a week every week then something that is a nice thing to do becomes the norm.

I would say do it less often so it's appreciated more by the both of you plus do something new also.

An example, I have always got Shaz flowers and chocs ever 1 to 2 months and she always gets a bit emotional and gives me a big hug and say's thanks, If I was giving her flowers 2 times a week then it would just be another bunch of flowers.

Hope I'm making sense here

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

It doesn't matter the relationship

(Married/partners or mates) or the "thing" be it dinner out/ brew ...

It's just good manners to say thank you (it doesn't need to be those exact words)

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I agree with others who have said that because you go out pretty often it's become normal. She probably just forgets or doesn't think she needs to although I can understand that a thanks would be appreciated

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple
over a year ago

Maidstone

I'd thank him if he had booked/arranged something or it was a special occasion treat etc. but I don't think we thank each other when we both decide to go out for dinner or drinks, we just go out together and enjoy ourselves. We thank the people serving us. But maybe that's because our money is 'our' money and we haven't made a special effort to arrange anything so we don't see it as one of us 'treating' the other.

However, if it is now expected and it's bothering you then perhaps you should just mention it to her. But, be prepared for her to come back with a request for 'thanks' for anything she does for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Manners cost nothing, of course she should thank you, it shouldnt even have to be talked about!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd thank him if he had booked/arranged something or it was a special occasion treat etc. but I don't think we thank each other when we both decide to go out for dinner or drinks, we just go out together and enjoy ourselves. We thank the people serving us. But maybe that's because our money is 'our' money and we haven't made a special effort to arrange anything so we don't see it as one of us 'treating' the other.

However, if it is now expected and it's bothering you then perhaps you should just mention it to her. But, be prepared for her to come back with a request for 'thanks' for anything she does for you. "

I tend to think as per the above really.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

It is a partnership, whats yours is hers, whats hers is yours. I am not sure why she would need to say thankyou, unless of course you say thankyou when she hoovers, cooks your tea etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never thanked my husband for anything he did for me. We got married, that was all the thanks we needed.

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By *itzWoman
over a year ago

south wales

Over the years you have said about how your wife understands you, how she and your girls have been amazing, supporting and accepted you throughout your transition, being happy and accepting of you seeing other partners of both sexes without her involvement and without her taking lovers herself. I personally could not do what she has done. Now you are complaining that she hasnt thanked you for buying her dinner!!!!!!!!wtf

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Over the years you have said about how your wife understands you, how she and your girls have been amazing, supporting and accepted you throughout your transition, being happy and accepting of you seeing other partners of both sexes without her involvement and without her taking lovers herself. I personally could not do what she has done. Now you are complaining that she hasnt thanked you for buying her dinner!!!!!!!!wtf"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take us lot out instead. We will say thanks.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It is a partnership, whats yours is hers, whats hers is yours. I am not sure why she would need to say thankyou, unless of course you say thankyou when she hoovers, cooks your tea etc"

Actually I do.

We often cook together. We also treat each other with a special meal we cook for the other.

I always thank her and say how nice it was when she cooks.

Tonight we were discussing what to make and I just suggested I take her out. It's been a hard day today. Thought we could do with a treat.

Perhaps I treat too often.

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By *parkle......Woman
over a year ago

Staffordshire

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Interesting that you assume I'm supposed to be constantly grateful and she doesn't have to be just because of who I am.

And she's taken her share of lovers, for the record.

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By *DontExistWoman
over a year ago

•+• Silicon valley. •+•

what's changed? has she usually said thanks but isn't now or is there some other reason why you feel taken for granted?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It is a partnership, whats yours is hers, whats hers is yours. I am not sure why she would need to say thankyou, unless of course you say thankyou when she hoovers, cooks your tea etc

Actually I do.

We often cook together. We also treat each other with a special meal we cook for the other.

I always thank her and say how nice it was when she cooks.

Tonight we were discussing what to make and I just suggested I take her out. It's been a hard day today. Thought we could do with a treat.

Perhaps I treat too often. "

Its interesting that you see your meal out as you taking her out rather than a mutually agreed outing. If your relationship dynamic is that your roles are quite traditional in the sense that you take the traditional male role of treating the woman and she takes the traditional female role of accepting the treat and thanking you for it then you're probably right that she's begun to take these treats for granted.

I think you need to talk to your wife about this rather than try and canvass support from us.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Interesting that you assume I'm supposed to be constantly grateful and she doesn't have to be just because of who I am.

And she's taken her share of lovers, for the record. "

Nothing written in that posts suggests you need to be constantly grateful. I think its just suggesting that marriage is a two way street and you've probably got reason to be grateful to each other.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok. So in answer to my initial post, it seems I am just being over sensitive.

Some of our relationship is kind of traditional through necessity. I've had to earn more than I used to because she has been unable to work much since we took on the house we share.

I guess it's 'our' money as we are married and so when I ask if she would like me to take her out somewhere it's nothing special.

Neck wound back in.sorry for asking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok. So in answer to my initial post, it seems I am just being over sensitive.

Some of our relationship is kind of traditional through necessity. I've had to earn more than I used to because she has been unable to work much since we took on the house we share.

I guess it's 'our' money as we are married and so when I ask if she would like me to take her out somewhere it's nothing special.

Neck wound back in.sorry for asking

You can take me out anytime

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Taken my wife out for a meal and a few drinks. This is quite a regular thing. Two, sometimes three times a week.

Is it too much to think she might say 'thank you' ?

Feeling a little taken for granted here.

Why do you feel she should be grateful and why do you feel you're taking her out rather than the two of you going together? Is it because you're paying?

We go out four or five times a week for coffee Mr N always pays. I just asked him if he felt I should express gratitude. The short version of his answer is "no".

I totally agree with this....if a couple is going out together to spend time together then why does it matter who pays? And if you feel you need to be thanked then don't bother going out together....simple

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

It seems a bit strange to me for you to expect her to say thankyou everytime you take her out,she's your wife!

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By * PillowsWoman
over a year ago

stevenage

"Taken my wife out for a meal and a few drinks. This is quite a regular thing. Two, sometimes three times a week.

Is it too much to think she might say 'thank you' ?

Feeling a little taken for granted here.

Why do you feel she should be grateful and why do you feel you're taking her out rather than the two of you going together? Is it because you're paying?

We go out four or five times a week for coffee Mr N always pays. I just asked him if he felt I should express gratitude. The short version of his answer is "no".

She might think she's taking you out and you're not saying thanks, as above.

Or maybe it's just a lifestyle thing now. It's how you have your meals on a regular basis, so no one has to cook. I don't think thanks are necessary in that case.

The only other thing that might not be fair is if you are always the driver and both like a drink with your meal. I would be grateful and thank you for that sacrifice every time.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

"It seems a bit strange to me for you to expect her to say thankyou everytime you take her out,she's your wife! "

Wives are people and like any person that I do things for I'd be surprised if they didn't say thanks; kids are thought to say thank you for everything so why shouldn't that be carried on into adulthood? Say thank you for all the things that your partner does for you, it doesn't take much effort but can mean so much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok. So in answer to my initial post, it seems I am just being over sensitive.

Some of our relationship is kind of traditional through necessity. I've had to earn more than I used to because she has been unable to work much since we took on the house we share.

I guess it's 'our' money as we are married and so when I ask if she would like me to take her out somewhere it's nothing special.

Neck wound back in.sorry for asking

Please don't take this the wrong way but have you started taking hormones?

I understand where you're coming from. Does she thank you in non verbal ways?

Have you talked to her about this specific thing that's bothering you? You may think that as your wife it's her role to support you but many would have left. I don't mean this in a bad way but it's one heck of a change for both of you. x

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"It seems a bit strange to me for you to expect her to say thankyou everytime you take her out,she's your wife!

Well of course it's important. When I was married back in the day,I don't remember having the need to say thankyou to my husband when we went out together just for something to eat,for us both! If he'd done something special just for me then of course the thankyou would be natural,but then we both earned the money and it went into a joint account if that make's a difference.

Some thankyou's when you're married are just not necessary.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Taken my wife out for a meal and a few drinks. This is quite a regular thing. Two, sometimes three times a week.

Is it too much to think she might say 'thank you' ?

Feeling a little taken for granted here.

Why do you feel she should be grateful and why do you feel you're taking her out rather than the two of you going together? Is it because you're paying?

We go out four or five times a week for coffee Mr N always pays. I just asked him if he felt I should express gratitude. The short version of his answer is "no".

Perhaps it was the way I was brought up. I always say thank you if she pays when we are out.

I think I have my answer to my initial post; yes, I was being a over sensitive.

Am I the only one who's ever felt a little taken for granted in a relationship for a moment? I'm not saying I felt like that all the time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It seems a bit strange to me for you to expect her to say thankyou everytime you take her out,she's your wife! "

In answer to this; not every time. Sometimes would be nice though.

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By *anny77Man
over a year ago

glasgow

Maybe if it wasn't something you did two or three times a week - it's probably not "special" any more? A matter of course?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"It is a partnership, whats yours is hers, whats hers is yours. I am not sure why she would need to say thankyou, unless of course you say thankyou when she hoovers, cooks your tea etc

Actually I do.

We often cook together. We also treat each other with a special meal we cook for the other.

I always thank her and say how nice it was when she cooks.

Tonight we were discussing what to make and I just suggested I take her out. It's been a hard day today. Thought we could do with a treat.

Perhaps I treat too often. "

I refer back to my original thought, it is a partnership who share things, eating out is not you buying her a present that would normally get a Thankyou for.

If one half of a couple needs a thankyou for eating out then whoever pays for the food at home should get a thankyou for the meal everytime you eat? ( not a thankyou for cooking it, but for paying for it )

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It is a partnership, whats yours is hers, whats hers is yours. I am not sure why she would need to say thankyou, unless of course you say thankyou when she hoovers, cooks your tea etc

Actually I do.

We often cook together. We also treat each other with a special meal we cook for the other.

I always thank her and say how nice it was when she cooks.

Tonight we were discussing what to make and I just suggested I take her out. It's been a hard day today. Thought we could do with a treat.

Perhaps I treat too often.

I refer back to my original thought, it is a partnership who share things, eating out is not you buying her a present that would normally get a Thankyou for.

Oooo. Complex. I thank her when she cooks. She orders the food online. She uses the money in her account to pay for it. Most of the money in her account comes from me.

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By *bandjam91Couple
over a year ago

London

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

However, if it is now expected and it's bothering you then perhaps you should just mention it to her. But, be prepared for her to come back with a request for 'thanks' for anything she does for you.

Perhaps I over thank? Is that possible?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Oooo. Complex. I thank her when she cooks. She orders the food online. She uses the money in her account to pay for it. Most of the money in her account comes from me.

But do you feel she needs to thank you for putting the money in for her to buy the food?

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

I think there's a much deeper underlying issue going on here,

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Thank fuck I'm single

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Thank fuck I'm single

that really made me laugh.

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

"Taken my wife out for a meal and a few drinks. This is quite a regular thing. Two, sometimes three times a week.

Is it too much to think she might say 'thank you' ?

Feeling a little taken for granted here.

You had me at is it too much ..

Yes!

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Thank fuck I'm single

It certainly has it's bonuses doesn't it!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Oooo. Complex. I thank her when she cooks. She orders the food online. She uses the money in her account to pay for it. Most of the money in her account comes from me.

I think this might be your real issue and I think that now you're coming very close to revealing information about your marital dynamic that your wife might not be happy with.

Talk to her, not us. It really is far better that way

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oooo. Complex. I thank her when she cooks. She orders the food online. She uses the money in her account to pay for it. Most of the money in her account comes from me.

But do you feel she needs to thank you for putting the money in for her to buy the food?"

No. I just top up her account when it needs it. Household costs were set out from the start. We'd split everything 50/50 but then she broke her shoulder and I had to pick up a bigger share and that's the way it's stayed.

We do thank each other for the things we do. We go to bed, the other realises the bedding has been changed, we say thanks. The wash baskets empty, we acknowledge it. Etc

Last night, after spending hours up to my neck in poo, clearing out the filled in sewer inspection pit we discovered, I stripped my clothes directly into the washing machine and showered repeatedly.

When I came back down my wife was trying to decided what to cook and I suggested I take us out instead. She was tired too after walking our four dogs in the rain and vacuuming the house.

Like I keeps saying; obviously I was a bit over sensitive, probably because I was tired.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Oooo. Complex. I thank her when she cooks. She orders the food online. She uses the money in her account to pay for it. Most of the money in her account comes from me.

But do you feel she needs to thank you for putting the money in for her to buy the food?

We do thank each other for the things we do. We go to bed, the other realises the bedding has been changed, we say thanks. The wash baskets empty, we acknowledge it. Etc

Last night, after spending hours up to my neck in poo, clearing out the filled in sewer inspection pit we discovered, I stripped my clothes directly into the washing machine and showered repeatedly.

When I came back down my wife was trying to decided what to cook and I suggested I take us out instead. She was tired too after walking our four dogs in the rain and vacuuming the house.

Like I keeps saying; obviously I was a bit over sensitive, probably because I was tired. "

I think you both say thanks a lot

If thats how it has always been for you both then I can see why you were expecting a thanks for going out.

We have a different relationship where the thanks goes without saying for doing normal housework stuff and going out together

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

"Taken my wife out for a meal and a few drinks. This is quite a regular thing. Two, sometimes three times a week.

Is it too much to think she might say 'thank you' ?

Feeling a little taken for granted here.

I've never taken my wife out, we generally go together.

We tend to thank each other for things we do for each other.

Going out for a meal is basically something that you both get equally benefit from. So thank the chef and staff instead.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Oooo. Complex. I thank her when she cooks. She orders the food online. She uses the money in her account to pay for it. Most of the money in her account comes from me.

But do you feel she needs to thank you for putting the money in for her to buy the food?

We do thank each other for the things we do. We go to bed, the other realises the bedding has been changed, we say thanks. The wash baskets empty, we acknowledge it. Etc

Last night, after spending hours up to my neck in poo, clearing out the filled in sewer inspection pit we discovered, I stripped my clothes directly into the washing machine and showered repeatedly.

When I came back down my wife was trying to decided what to cook and I suggested I take us out instead. She was tired too after walking our four dogs in the rain and vacuuming the house.

Like I keeps saying; obviously I was a bit over sensitive, probably because I was tired. "

I get a bit over sensitive when I'm tired or a bit down, I think we all do.

Human nature unfortunately means we tend to project our frustrations on to our nearest and dearest.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Rarely is a relationship going to be financially equal. Over the years, I have earnt less, more and similar. Those differences could happen quite quickly, e.g. If I was earning bonus. Never once did it occur to me that I should express gratitude or receive gratitude for the likes of going out for a meal. Because as a couple, we are just going out for a meal. We can either afford to do that or not!

Some of your terminology on this Rachel, is interesting to say the least and I think is an insight into bigger things you feeling. You said "the house we share", whereas I would call that home. You seem annoyed that you are a bread winner for the family. However that situation has arisen, you are partners, yet your words lean towards you and then her. Almost like a precursor for something to come.

I'm quite sure you have a unique and difficult situation going on, if you are transitioning. I have to say, as a woman I don't think I could cope with my husband / partner doing this, and if your wife isn't being everything you want her to be, perhaps she is feeling the stress of the situation and the uncertainty of her future. If you talk to her, in the way you word things in this thread, I think she's got every reason to be nervous.

Having said that, I can't recall a time reading you post anything anti her before, so maybe this is just a point in time. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Rarely is a relationship going to be financially equal. Over the years, I have earnt less, more and similar. Those differences could happen quite quickly, e.g. If I was earning bonus. Never once did it occur to me that I should express gratitude or receive gratitude for the likes of going out for a meal. Because as a couple, we are just going out for a meal. We can either afford to do that or not!

Having said that, I can't recall a time reading you post anything anti her before, so maybe this is just a point in time. X"

I hope I don't come across as annoyed at being the main bread winner. I don't feel it.

We both work hard and have very little down time.

As I repeatedly say; I was tired and clearly over sensitive last night.

I'm very grateful for the support she gives. We talk about everything as we are very open. I was just having a grump last night. Better to grump to strangers than grump unnecessarily to her just because I'm tired perhaps.