FabSwingers.com forum: Lurking, talkative guys who don't get the hint.

By *adyJayne OP Woman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

It's been some time since I went to a club that wasn't bdsm based. I visited Rio's today and had a great time.

The only down side was a pleasant enough guy that totally wasn't my type and wouldn't get the hint, I'm not great at the whole 'I'm not interested leave me alone' thing, especially when the guy isn't being rude or pushy as such. I just felt like we were being followed by an overly talkative puppy dog.

Any advice for next time?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Unfortunately there is only one way of someone isn't getting the hint.

If a polite "please excuse me I'm just going to chat with a few people" doesn't work you just have to be blunt. It goes against everything women are taught i.e. be nice, be polite, be kind, don't hurt people's feelings but there's no other way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's why I don't go alone. I want to tell them to clear off but don't want to offend, usually the guy I'm with does this for me.

I remember going up Exeter swingers on my own years ago and a guy following me around. I had to leave in the end as I felt uncomfortable.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"'I'm not interested leave me alone' "

Say the above. It's your life and if he can't handle it he shouldn't be there.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I've had no problem turning guys down in Rios. For starters its not technically a swinger club so they shouldn't be pestering others. Next time just say 'no thanks', and if they don't take the hint have a word with the girls behind the bar. I have to say I wouldn't mess with those ladies!

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

The worse ones are men that have been told that you don't want to play but you've seen them at clubs a few times and they monopolise your time wanting to chat simply because they know you.

Every bloody time I'm on my own and not chatting or playing, one particular man just won't leave me alone! H'es polite, friendly, non-threatening but I can't be stationary for too long.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say "'Scuse me while I work the room", smile sweetly and float away from him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't drop hints. Say what you want, clearly.

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By *entaur_UKMan
over a year ago

Cannock

"'I'm not interested leave me alone'

Say the above. It's your life and if he can't handle it he shouldn't be there."

From a guy's perspective I much rather someone be blunt and say "I'm not interested" rather than subtle hints. Just say it like it is and no problem.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

There's another thread running where a possible subtle hint has been interpreted as lying (which it is). I think it illustrates that the truth told politely is better than a political lie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's been some time since I went to a club that wasn't bdsm based. I visited Rio's today and had a great time.

Any advice for next time?"

"anyway, nice to talk to you. Enjoy the rest of your day.'

walk away...

if he follows.

'thanks, but you're not for me. Bye"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's been some time since I went to a club that wasn't bdsm based. I visited Rio's today and had a great time......

Any advice for next time?"

And there lies the problem. Rio's is a dive that is well known to attract men with a serious lack of basic social skills or any concept of respect for a female.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'I'm not interested leave me alone'

Say the above. It's your life and if he can't handle it he shouldn't be there.

From a guy's perspective I much rather someone be blunt and say "I'm not interested" rather than subtle hints. Just say it like it is and no problem.

This annoys me though because why can't people read hints!? Why should we have to actually be so blunt in the first place. Has it gone so far past social cues that people just ignore them!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'I'm not interested leave me alone'

Say the above. It's your life and if he can't handle it he shouldn't be there.

From a guy's perspective I much rather someone be blunt and say "I'm not interested" rather than subtle hints. Just say it like it is and no problem.

This annoys me though because why can't people read hints!? Why should we have to actually be so blunt in the first place. Has it gone so far past social cues that people just ignore them!?"

Because what a lot of people consider to be obvious hints really aren't that obvious when you're in the receiving end. When I'm at a club I tend to go to the other extreme to a lot of men - where they assume anither persob may be interested unless told otherwise, I assume the other person doesn't want me to stuck around unless they tell me they do.

It's got me into trouble a few times - I've been chatting to someone in a club, haven't seen any obvious sign of interest and let them go about their evening, only to get messages on here complaining that I didn't go and find them later - but it seems better to be over-cautious than to risk being a nuisance.

Bottom line, if you don't want your words to be misinterpreted, don't leave them open to interpretation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'I'm not interested leave me alone'

Say the above. It's your life and if he can't handle it he shouldn't be there.

From a guy's perspective I much rather someone be blunt and say "I'm not interested" rather than subtle hints. Just say it like it is and no problem.

This annoys me though because why can't people read hints!? Why should we have to actually be so blunt in the first place. Has it gone so far past social cues that people just ignore them!?

Bottom line, if you don't want your words to be misinterpreted, don't leave them open to interpretation."

It still annoys me that some ignore or don't seem to pick up on social cues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'I'm not interested leave me alone'

Say the above. It's your life and if he can't handle it he shouldn't be there.

From a guy's perspective I much rather someone be blunt and say "I'm not interested" rather than subtle hints. Just say it like it is and no problem.

This annoys me though because why can't people read hints!? Why should we have to actually be so blunt in the first place. Has it gone so far past social cues that people just ignore them!?

Bottom line, if you don't want your words to be misinterpreted, don't leave them open to interpretation.

It still annoys me that some ignore or don't seem to pick up on social cues. "

little head ain't got the social awareness that big head may have...subtle doesn't cut it...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd say "'Scuse me while I work the room", smile sweetly and float away from him. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'I'm not interested leave me alone'

Say the above. It's your life and if he can't handle it he shouldn't be there.

From a guy's perspective I much rather someone be blunt and say "I'm not interested" rather than subtle hints. Just say it like it is and no problem.

This annoys me though because why can't people read hints!? Why should we have to actually be so blunt in the first place. Has it gone so far past social cues that people just ignore them!?

Bottom line, if you don't want your words to be misinterpreted, don't leave them open to interpretation.

It still annoys me that some ignore or don't seem to pick up on social cues. "

Well some of us find that harder to do than others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'I'm not interested leave me alone'

Say the above. It's your life and if he can't handle it he shouldn't be there.

From a guy's perspective I much rather someone be blunt and say "I'm not interested" rather than subtle hints. Just say it like it is and no problem.

This annoys me though because why can't people read hints!? Why should we have to actually be so blunt in the first place. Has it gone so far past social cues that people just ignore them!?

Bottom line, if you don't want your words to be misinterpreted, don't leave them open to interpretation.

It still annoys me that some ignore or don't seem to pick up on social cues.

Well some of us find that harder to do than others."

I've always been terrible at picking up on any kind of hints. The world would be a much easier place if people just said what they meant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say it how it is tell them to go away, get lost. If women are not straight to the point then these lurking weird guys won't stop. Why would they, some guys would just think your being a bit shy, or maybe playing around.

Tell them straight. They will soon leave you alone.... trust me

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"'I'm not interested leave me alone'

Say the above. It's your life and if he can't handle it he shouldn't be there.

From a guy's perspective I much rather someone be blunt and say "I'm not interested" rather than subtle hints. Just say it like it is and no problem.

This annoys me though because why can't people read hints!? Why should we have to actually be so blunt in the first place. Has it gone so far past social cues that people just ignore them!?"

Hinting is ambiguous and open to interpretation. What seems like a clear hint to you might not to another. I think women need to take responsibility for clear communication (men too but that's not under discussion here). Too many times I've heard of women spending entire evenings with men and even having sex with them because they didn't want to hurt their feelings

We owe it to ourselves and to the men we meet to communicate clearly and effectively.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'I'm not interested leave me alone'

Say the above. It's your life and if he can't handle it he shouldn't be there.

From a guy's perspective I much rather someone be blunt and say "I'm not interested" rather than subtle hints. Just say it like it is and no problem.

This annoys me though because why can't people read hints!? Why should we have to actually be so blunt in the first place. Has it gone so far past social cues that people just ignore them!?"

I had a feeling you fancied me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'I'm not interested leave me alone'

Say the above. It's your life and if he can't handle it he shouldn't be there.

From a guy's perspective I much rather someone be blunt and say "I'm not interested" rather than subtle hints. Just say it like it is and no problem.

This annoys me though because why can't people read hints!? Why should we have to actually be so blunt in the first place. Has it gone so far past social cues that people just ignore them!?

We owe it to ourselves and to the men we meet to communicate clearly and effectively."

So agree with what you say. I've seen women have sex because they cannt say no or leave me alone. That is not swinging....

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"'I'm not interested leave me alone'

Say the above. It's your life and if he can't handle it he shouldn't be there.

From a guy's perspective I much rather someone be blunt and say "I'm not interested" rather than subtle hints. Just say it like it is and no problem.

This annoys me though because why can't people read hints!? Why should we have to actually be so blunt in the first place. Has it gone so far past social cues that people just ignore them!?"

Because men tend not to do hints whilst we do. We have to communicate in a way that they would

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

No need to be rude or aggressive, just a polite "no thanks, you're not for me" gets the message across loud and clear.

If you are giving subtle hints rather than being clear and concise, don't be surprised if they are misunderstood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Friend zone him he'll know he's got no chance then

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By *uddle4uMan
over a year ago

Purbeck

a lot of peeps don't pick up the hints and signals, You just have to be blunt to get your message across, No mean NO in a lot of clubs and get the staff to deal with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you but you're not the type that I'm attracted to. I would really appreciate it if you could go and mingle with some other people so we can both enjoy this evening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or replace, "Thank you" with, "I don't want to be rude"

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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

Most of us guys are bad at picking up on hints. I do feel bit sorry for the guy though be might have just been trying to be friendly. Just because us guys talk to a women doesn't always mean we want to get into your knickers

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

"It's been some time since I went to a club that wasn't bdsm based. I visited Rio's today and had a great time.

Any advice for next time?"

Kill him!

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By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago

portsmouth

Boy its tough being a man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hubby generally deals with that type for me. We always seem to attract them too.

In his politest tone he says " look mate, it's been great chatting with you, however we're here to have sex with people. We will find you for a chat when we've finished"

It's worked every time so far!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Communication is the responce you get.

If the responce your getting isn't the one you want change your combination.

That's the first thing your taught in the NLP.

Men and women communicate and think very differently so you need to be blunt and avoid being subtle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe there should be a special code put in place for everyone such as "im going to get a hin and tonic" = not interested..

Vodka and = interested... something along those lines that can be printed out and put in clubs so everyone can read it and no before they go... saves having any awkward conversations and gets to the point!! Doesnt need to be drinks incase that gets confusing could be something else but just an example

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Maybe there should be a special code put in place for everyone such as "im going to get a hin and tonic" = not interested..

But it still means exactly the same. It wouldn't be any easier to use some sort of euphemism and wouldn't get any different reaction. A rejection is a rejection whatever words are used.

Women should say what they mean and men should accept it.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Do you think 'Ew, fuck no!' might be considered ambiguous?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe there should be a special code put in place for everyone such as "im going to get a hin and tonic" = not interested..

But it still means exactly the same. It wouldn't be any easier to use some sort of euphemism and wouldn't get any different reaction. A rejection is a rejection whatever words are used.

Women should say what they mean and men should accept it. "

I no what you mean but some women may find it uncomfortable saying no thanks go away... going to get a G&T or whatever might be more comfortable to get out haha

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

We had the 'clingy puppy' problem at a club in Manchester. A small group of guys were hanging out at the top of the stairs to the playrooms and one would always latch on to us and follow us around, trying to make a sale. We'd be friendly enough without giving him much of an opening to carry on the conversation.

When we turned around to head back to the bar, one guy was almost trying to herd us to one side to keep us there. Not in a malicious way, more that he was excited that we were responding to him. In the end we were pretty blunt with him and left. Poor guy looked like we'd smacked him on the nose with a newspaper!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't have to say anything. Just blank them.

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By *ardiffCoupleNJCouple
over a year ago

Pontypridd/Rhyfelin

Being part of a couple I understand it from both sides... but: the puppy dog thing still puts us off.

Has been times when my partner has fancied a guy but the puppy dog bit will put us both off. So it sure backfires with us.

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