FabSwingers.com forum: Breaking the ice at clubs and socials

By *harlieandflorence OP Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

When we visited a club and also a social evening, we found it very hard to start a conversation with anybody. And when we did manage to talk to people, it turned out that the female wasn't bi sexual.

Any advice on how to break the ice, or politely stop a conversation to try to move on to someone else, would be great.

I think I'm going to wear my 'I am unicorn' t-shirt next time!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We find the same thing and I think maybe we're just being too shy! Luckily we've usually either arranged to meet someone at the club beforehand or someone else has struck up conversation with us before we've had time to feel too awkward. I find it's easier to start chatting in the hot tub for some reason... maybe because you're all in a small space together?

Her xx

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

I'd wear my fat penguin outfit, it never fails

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

I find the bar easy, and hot tub, and also in lounge area when watching porn, commenting on the film normally gets you talking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm watching this post with interest because I am the same. When I am at a club with my husband, it's different because he is very out going. I have come home from a solo club visit absolutely kicking myself for barely speaking all night and therefore missing out on naughty fun!

J x

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

"I'm watching this post with interest because I am the same. When I am at a club with my husband, it's different because he is very out going. I have come home from a solo club visit absolutely kicking myself for barely speaking all night and therefore missing out on naughty fun!

J x"

That has happened to me but I then message people I have spoken to and most times met again in club for a night of fun

I wouldn't worry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a single guy, I find you get out what you put in. If I'm a bit quite on a club visit then no one talks to me, but if I make the effort, I tend to get engagement from others.

As a guy I expect this, I'm surprised to read that couples and single females have the same issue!

I prefer striking up conversations in the hot tub, it feels easier than at the bar.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

It can feel awkward, but we are all in the same position. Just stating up a chat asking if they are regulars at the club etc, usually gets a conversation going. Like you, we also look for couples with a bi female or single bi ladies. We try to bring it up fairly early, maybe by mentioning wgat we like and asking how they play, as in the past we left that too late in the conversation, only to find the lady was straight, which doesn't normally work for us.

If it's part of the chat and not an interview it all seems fine. Also, we enjoy chatting anyhow, it doesnt have to lead to play every time, although nice when it does

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

"It can feel awkward, but we are all in the same position. Just stating up a chat asking if they are regulars at the club etc, usually gets a conversation going. Like you, we also look for couples with a bi female or single bi ladies. We try to bring it up fairly early, maybe by mentioning wgat we like and asking how they play, as in the past we left that too late in the conversation, only to find the lady was straight, which doesn't normally work for us.

If it's part of the chat and not an interview it all seems fine. Also, we enjoy chatting anyhow, it doesnt have to lead to play every time, although nice when it does

This

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"When we visited a club and also a social evening, we found it very hard to start a conversation with anybody. And when we did manage to talk to people, it turned out that the female wasn't bi sexual.

Any advice on how to break the ice, or politely stop a conversation to try to move on to someone else, would be great.

I think I'm going to wear my 'I am unicorn' t-shirt next time!"

i do think that if you go into a conversation with that sort of M.O, you do get to be "found out" really quickly...

conversation is what it is.... conversation, but i think it is as much a turn off if said conversation revolves around just one thing

too hard.... too fast... and when you aren't getting what you are after making a quick getaway..... that doesn't sound like atypical conversation.... sorry

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By *arehamMan
over a year ago

handforth

[Removed by poster at 08/08/17 07:59:45]

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By *retend_Shy_GuyMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

DEFINITELY the bar! Everyone chats at the bar. And if guys aren't chatting then the bar staff will be! Lol

As for what your looking for i would say be upfront and honest, tell people early on what our after, if your looking for something they don't have they may move on themselves.

Good luck OP X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's very rare for anyone to approach me in a club, but fortunately, as I used to be married to a diplomat, I find it easy to "work the room," if I want to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is one reason I prefer non play socials to begin proceedings as the environment is a lot less pressured and I'm heavily introverted

At the recent tea party I bucked the trend and just walked over and said hello against all of my natural inclinations (and fuelled by cider)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare for anyone to approach me in a club, but fortunately, as I used to be married to a diplomat, I find it easy to "work the room," if I want to."

I'm surprised nobody approaches you. Maybe they're scared of a sophisticated woman ha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare for anyone to approach me in a club, but fortunately, as I used to be married to a diplomat, I find it easy to "work the room," if I want to.

I'm surprised nobody approaches you. Maybe they're scared of a sophisticated woman ha

Precisely! Apparently I don't look cheap and that can be intimidating to some

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare for anyone to approach me in a club, but fortunately, as I used to be married to a diplomat, I find it easy to "work the room," if I want to.

I'm surprised nobody approaches you. Maybe they're scared of a sophisticated woman ha

Precisely! Apparently I don't look cheap and that can be intimidating to some"

Yes I agree. My type of lady

I mean sophisticated and intimidating ha not cheap looking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare for anyone to approach me in a club, but fortunately, as I used to be married to a diplomat, I find it easy to "work the room," if I want to.

I'm surprised nobody approaches you. Maybe they're scared of a sophisticated woman ha

Precisely! Apparently I don't look cheap and that can be intimidating to some"

I beg to differ. A touch of class and intelligence is what I look for, best conversations are the ones that keep you mentally stimulated throughout. Wether it be in a club or in vanilla life, actually being engaged in conversation with one another is essential. I'd pick veuve cliquot over bollinger though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a good thread, thanks guys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hasten to add, I am in no way suggesting that those women who do get approached in clubs look cheap! I just wanted to put my side of the situation forward to encourage people to make a polite approach to anyone who looks interesting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Going more than once helps, the more you go the more the regulars get to see you and chat with you and you build trust, and don't be desperate to play on your first visit it puts couples off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare for anyone to approach me in a club, but fortunately, as I used to be married to a diplomat, I find it easy to "work the room," if I want to."

I'd love some tips on how to "work the room" please!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare for anyone to approach me in a club, but fortunately, as I used to be married to a diplomat, I find it easy to "work the room," if I want to.

I'd love some tips on how to "work the room" please!

The main thing is to focus on the other person and forget yourself. It's likely that most people are feeling nervous so just be friendly, chatty and put them at ease. Any innocuous opening line will do to get the conversation going, e.g is it your first time here, compliment them on what they're wearing etc

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

"It's very rare for anyone to approach me in a club, but fortunately, as I used to be married to a diplomat, I find it easy to "work the room," if I want to.

I'd love some tips on how to "work the room" please!

There is no right or wrong way, some will get on a pole (pole dance), in cupids and amours I have seen and myself joined a couple playing pool and said hello

Also look to see if anyone else is going to the club that night. I often look at meet me and forum to see if anyone catches my eye and message them before hand

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I love to chat to new people. Sometime it's difficult to shut me up lol. X.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it quite easy to say hello to all and sundry in Chameleons, my regular club in Darlaston. Maybe it's because all of the singles and couples are polite and engaging. I've got over my reluctance to talk to couples just by saying hello and take it from there. I also now talk to the single ladies even if I know there are guys younger, fitter and better equipped than me. You'd be surprised what can happen once the ice is broken!

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By *iSubSlutWoman
over a year ago

Bedford

The bar or hot tub seem good places to get chatting....

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By *harlieandflorence OP Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

Thanks for the tips

Charlie is very chatty once he gets going. It's starting a conversation that seems to be the problem. I'm more demonstrative than a conversationalist.

F xx

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Thanks for the tips

Charlie is very chatty once he gets going. It's starting a conversation that seems to be the problem. I'm more demonstrative than a conversationalist.

F xx"

Let him do the talking and your tongue 'do the talking'

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By *ameuserCouple
over a year ago

manchester

We always find the pool table is the best place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The bar or hot tub seem good places to get chatting...."

Agree with both locations. Getting a drink prompts banter, and getting naked in the jacuzzi always breaks the ice. Amazing how much conversation starts up and how much follows on afterwards!

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

I usually grab a bar stool and chat to bar staff. Smile and make she contact as people approach the bar . I tend to start the conversation by asking people of they have been to that club before and what other clubs they have visited. Use open questions rather than one that can be answered yes or no.

There are usually staff, DO and bar staff to chat to initially and you could ask them to introduce you to some regulars

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The bar or hot tub seem good places to get chatting....

Agree with both locations. Getting a drink prompts banter, and getting naked in the jacuzzi always breaks the ice. Amazing how much conversation starts up and how much follows on afterwards!

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

We have found that being around the bar area tends to lead to more conversations. Quite a few clubs have sofa's and it can be hard just to find room to sit with someone you are interested in - standing & talking to people seated doesn't work & crouching ain't great!

When we started we assumed if you talked to someone that they would think you wanted to shag, but we are much more confident in ourselves now and chat, if we get interested then bonus time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I ventured in a club for the first time a couple of weeks ago. And loved it got chatting to a couple of people and had a really good time. I was nervous before going in but went with no preconceived expectations about playing as this I imagine very rarely happens. Had a brilliant time and looking forward to going again next week. I really surprised myself as I'm a very shy person but found it easy to talk to people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The conversation doesn't have to be about sex i try to start with a compliment, but even if the female isn't bisexual you can still make some friends that is all I look for. Having a laugh and making friends if it turns into more then even better but if you just go with the intention of sex then you could be disappointed at the end of the night.

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By * and BCouple
over a year ago

Durham

At the end of the day its down to confidence as no one wants a knock back and that is what stops people talking to others we think. It became very apparent when we joined this lifestyle that you have to be thick skinned. Not everyone is for everyone so being rejected by others is as normal as eating your tea we think, don't take it personal. So to sum it up once we can get over this, making conversation becomes much easier. Like an earlier poster said a little compliment goes a long way and in chat put in that the female is bi sexual. We always tell folk early in chat we joined fab due to Mrs F being Bi and we do always get a response as in them saying, same here or they make it clear female is straight, as they maybe want to go chat with someone more compatible to. Having confidence to go and chat to a complete stranger is difficult for a lot of people. No expectations when we go to a club is our way as long as the two of us have a great night out, and we always do

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