Some great advice here, and eveshamgal's got it right:
we don't have to explain ourselves to others, we don't have to give reasons for things, nor do we have to be in the relationship type that someone else wants, where we don't want it.
I think the best thing to do would be to be clear about your 'no', that it's not what you want, as much as it may hurt his feelings. As you're asking, I think you'll be respectful enough to do this in a sensitive way.
As for potentially helping him with a possible alcohol problem: if you're not seriously involved with him, then you could consider that it's not your responsibility to do this. As a fellow human being, we want to care for others, but we can't and don't have to do all the good things that we could possibly do for everybody.
When you're creating a distance from someone, and possibly changing the style of a relationship, eg, dating to friend, etc, then distance is often needed to make it work. I don't think you've know him long, so there's no major responsibility to look after someone, after a short period.
If you want to stay in touch, then aim to be clear, respectful, but leave him to take responsibility for himself.
Anyone who has addiction type problems has to be self-motivated to want change, and recognise their own problem. Whilst the rest of us can potentially help them, they do need to get the support at the right time, so that they don't potentially get an experience of failure, if they weren't 100% ready or committed. If someone else helps push us along, this can mean that they get the wrong outcome, and having a past failure can end up as a reason not to start something again 'I tried dieting, but I didn't lose a pound, so they don't work' etc.
So, you've got the best intentions, but you need to 1. focus on what you need and 2. let him manage his life now that he's not going to be involved with you.
Good luck! |
