FabSwingers.com forum: How do I start getting into BDSM?

By *aptain Bangalot OP Man
over a year ago

SW London

Hi everyone,

I would be grateful for some genuine (or humerous) advice as to how I should enter my journey into BDSM. I know there are lots of variables and preferences but are there particular events or parties I could go to and learn from others? Or is there another way? I'd be more into the Dom side though happy to explore some Sub with the right person(s).

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"Hi everyone,

Several of the Clubs run/host fetish events, they could be a good source of contacts and info. I'm lead to believe however that many of these groups frown on sex at their events.

Cal

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

You'll probably need a partner, but if you can't find one, don't tie yourself up in knots about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get yourself to a local munch, there you will find lots of people in different stages of the jointing bdsm and lots of help. There's lots of info online and you might want to try the fet site as that normally has details of munches. X

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By *rwolfMan
over a year ago

bristol

Being in london there will be lots of places to show you the ropes to start off with.

Go at a pace your comfortable with and dont be afraid to ask questions

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By *aptain Bangalot OP Man
over a year ago

SW London

Thanks everyone for your help.

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

try joining a certain popular fetish life style site and doing a lot of reading then when you think you have it sussed read some more .lots of very helpfull info on there from munches to safety warnings

good luck

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

I fell into it, a lady friend, who had experience in BDSM, recognised it in me.

She was right, 'Twas hell of a release when I accepted it.

I kind of flirt with the community,, however I'm not that much in to show, the dynamic, to me, is so multi faceted and one size does not fit all.

Rough sex doesn't turn me one, subtle mind and body play.... Damn, wiish I hadn't bought it to mind not going to sleep tonight....

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By *aptain Bangalot OP Man
over a year ago

SW London

"try joining a certain popular fetish life style site and doing a lot of reading then when you think you have it sussed read some more .lots of very helpfull info on there from munches to safety warnings

good luck "

Thank you. Are their any particular sites you could recommend?

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By *aptain Bangalot OP Man
over a year ago

SW London

"I fell into it, a lady friend, who had experience in BDSM, recognised it in me.

She was right, 'Twas hell of a release when I accepted it.

I kind of flirt with the community,, however I'm not that much in to show, the dynamic, to me, is so multi faceted and one size does not fit all.

Rough sex doesn't turn me one, subtle mind and body play.... Damn, wiish I hadn't bought it to mind not going to sleep tonight....

Me too. More into the private games and the playing than the rough stuff - though I don't mind it on me, I'm not so keen to dish it out!

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By *aptain Bangalot OP Man
over a year ago

SW London

"You'll probably need a partner, but if you can't find one, don't tie yourself up in knots about it

That is spanking good info. I have released myself from that bondage of finding a partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my partner and I stumbled into the sexual side of BDSM by sheer fluke things got darker and we began pushing our limits further whilst always discussing the do's and don'ts as we explored. Sounds very formal how I've written that I guess but it's far far from it. It's now just the way we prefer to play but no form of play (within limits) is oob!! We've found it very exciting but couldn't speak for someone like you who's attempting to possibly 'go it alone' fair play to you young man

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"You'll probably need a partner, but if you can't find one, don't tie yourself up in knots about it

That is spanking good info. I have released myself from that bondage of finding a partner. "

Agreed, restraint is often the best way...

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By *otForSoftiesWoman
over a year ago

The North / Party Hard Everywhere

Heathrow Dungeon Zone is the monthly fetish night at abfab where you can learn or have a demo with one of the house dom/mes (I'm one of them). You can meet other people who are interested, chat, watch, take part. See the HDZ thread in the swinging club discussion forum

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By *aptain Bangalot OP Man
over a year ago

SW London

"Heathrow Dungeon Zone is the monthly fetish night at abfab where you can learn or have a demo with one of the house dom/mes (I'm one of them). You can meet other people who are interested, chat, watch, take part. See the HDZ thread in the swinging club discussion forum"

I will check that out. Thanks very much.

Thanks everyone else too.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Firstly follow most of the advice already given here it's all good.

Give some thought as to why you think you're interested in the BDSM lifestyle and why you think you align more to the dominant side of the role than the sub, or are you possibly switch?

Give some thought as to what kind of play you think you may like? Is it about control? Is it bondage? Is it pain? Humiliation? Etc etc - there are some very good questionnaires out there that can help you with that - basically list all the various elements of BDSM related play and allow you to grade each one, which may help you develop your specific interests or at least give you some personal insight into what you might be looking for.

Then read, read and read some more about the lifestyle - two great books available on Amazon are SM101 and Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns.

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By *aptain Bangalot OP Man
over a year ago

SW London

I'll be getting those books right after this posting! Thanks again.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"I'll be getting those books right after this posting! Thanks again. "
the books are great as is the advice, however, they are a map, not the road, well in my world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pop along to the London Alternative Market (LAM), first Sunday afternoon of the month in City of London.

3 Demos or workshop by knowledgeable practitioners and a fet market full of kinky people.

The people who run the stalls are generally very happy to explain their products and allow you to try them out. You will need to supply your own target or do it on yourself which is actually a good idea anyway.

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By *aptain Bangalot OP Man
over a year ago

SW London

I will definitely check out LAM. Sounds very interesting! Thanks.

I'll check the map first so I have a good idea which junctions to take when I'm on the road, but I need and want to get onto the road asap as that's where the journey is. Ta.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I'll be getting those books right after this posting! Thanks again. the books are great as is the advice, however, they are a map, not the road, well in my world."

Oh absolutely the book recommendations are not the whole answer and if that's the way my post came across then it was unintentional - so much of the BDSM lifestyle is in the mind of the beholder - books are just part of the guidance to your own individual enlightenment

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"I'll be getting those books right after this posting! Thanks again. the books are great as is the advice, however, they are a map, not the road, well in my world.

Your post comes across fine.

I just subscribe to a Native American saying: You can talk about hunting Bison. You can dream about hunting bison. You can practice hunting bison, however unlit you have hunted bison you know nothing...

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I'll be getting those books right after this posting! Thanks again. the books are great as is the advice, however, they are a map, not the road, well in my world.

Your post comes across fine.

I like that analogy

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By *aptain Bangalot OP Man
over a year ago

SW London

"I'll be getting those books right after this posting! Thanks again. the books are great as is the advice, however, they are a map, not the road, well in my world.

Your post comes across fine.

Haha! Those bison - always getting in the way of BDSM if you ask me!

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"I'll be getting those books right after this posting! Thanks again. the books are great as is the advice, however, they are a map, not the road, well in my world.

Your post comes across fine.

Haha! Those bison - always getting in the way of BDSM if you ask me!

Really?

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Don't beat yourself up about it.....

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Just needed to be whipped into shape..

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Just needed to be whipped into shape.."

So long as you weren't flogging a dead horse...

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Just needed to be whipped into shape..

So long as you weren't flogging a dead horse...

Should clamp down on it.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Just needed to be whipped into shape..

So long as you weren't flogging a dead horse...

Should clamp down on it."

Oh you've definitely got this pegged!!

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Just needed to be whipped into shape..

So long as you weren't flogging a dead horse...

Should clamp down on it.

Oh you've definitely got this pegged!!"

Steady, a tad of restraint.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Just needed to be whipped into shape..

So long as you weren't flogging a dead horse...

Should clamp down on it.

Oh you've definitely got this pegged!!

Steady, a tad of restraint."

Yeah guess I shouldn't wax on about it

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Just needed to be whipped into shape..

So long as you weren't flogging a dead horse...

Should clamp down on it.

Oh you've definitely got this pegged!!

Steady, a tad of restraint.

Yeah guess I shouldn't wax on about it"

Don't get anal, might get hooked on it.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Just needed to be whipped into shape..

So long as you weren't flogging a dead horse...

Should clamp down on it.

Oh you've definitely got this pegged!!

Steady, a tad of restraint.

Yeah guess I shouldn't wax on about it

Don't get anal, might get hooked on it."

Sorry for the delay was a bit tied up.

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By *aptain Bangalot OP Man
over a year ago

SW London

I had some spanking good anecdotes butt I was told to plug it.

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By *ooleysCouple
over a year ago

Swansea

Just dive in and get yourself to a local munch, you would be amazed how friendly most of them are to new comers.. And they are a lot less pressure than a club night

Plenty of other more specialised sites out there too

We all started somewhere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As most people have said a local munch is a good place to start. From their events are the next step. Your first event you do but need to do anything as entering this world you go at your own pace. Act as a sponge and take it all in. I've been in the scene for 18 years and I'm always leaning new things. Practice is key and knowing limits is another.

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By *aptain Bangalot OP Man
over a year ago

SW London

"Just dive in and get yourself to a local munch, you would be amazed how friendly most of them are to new comers.. And they are a lot less pressure than a club night

Plenty of other more specialised sites out there too

We all started somewhere"

Thank you.

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By *aptain Bangalot OP Man
over a year ago

SW London

"As most people have said a local munch is a good place to start. From their events are the next step. Your first event you do but need to do anything as entering this world you go at your own pace. Act as a sponge and take it all in. I've been in the scene for 18 years and I'm always leaning new things. Practice is key and knowing limits is another.

Thanks for your suppprt and advice. I'll check out for local munch's in the SW area.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did some research online, joined a certain Fetish Lifestyle website and took things from there. That was five years ago and I've been actively kinky since not long afterwards. Swing and a miss with my first play partner but then I met my Master and now husband. We attend munches regularly and parties when we can. Plenty of newbies turn up and people are quite willing to offer advice and guidance and an introduction to play. If rope is your thing I'd recommend a rope social as a good place to start.

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By *AM2214Man
over a year ago

Manchester Area

"I'll be getting those books right after this posting! Thanks again. the books are great as is the advice, however, they are a map, not the road, well in my world.

Your post comes across fine.

Haha! Those bison - always getting in the way of BDSM if you ask me!

"
Not anymore the white man wiped them out ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Start with clubs like Torture Garden etc.

Look around and see what persona suits you, most want to be a Dom but rarely are Dominant enough to take on that role.

Find a nice couple who are into this and learn from this if you do adopt the dominant persona this doesn't mean beating the shit out of someone and slapping someone's bottom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would certainly agree attend events and see what interests you. Don't worry about classifications as there are no true doms or true subs. There is merely what works between people in a consensual relationship. Some of the most interesting doms I know you would not think butter would melt in their mouths. But their interests can't be mentioned here in fab forum.

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