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Dom/Sub tasks help

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hi all, looking for help and advice to move forward in Dom/Sub role

still at a very early stage as a Sub and so is my Dom

looking at task / ideas that will help us both move forward and learn our limits so how do we decide on tasks and as a good Sub should be guiding my Dom ?

as I'm still unclear on my own limits but do want to be pushed he says he requires subtle hints or nudges in the right direction. He has no problem controlling me but needs to feel he's not forcing me in a direction Im not comfortable with.

would love to hear from Dom's and Sub's to get help form both.

Sandy x

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By *mmabluTV/TS
over a year ago

upton wirral

As your in Manchester I suggest you go to a few munchies and fetish clubs to learn more,meet people that is the best way but ultimately it comes from within you

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By *adyLucknGamblersCouple
over a year ago

Harwich / Colchester


"Hi all, looking for help and advice to move forward in Dom/Sub role

still at a very early stage as a Sub and so is my Dom

looking at task / ideas that will help us both move forward and learn our limits so how do we decide on tasks and as a good Sub should be guiding my Dom ?

as I'm still unclear on my own limits but do want to be pushed he says he requires subtle hints or nudges in the right direction. He has no problem controlling me but needs to feel he's not forcing me in a direction Im not comfortable with.

would love to hear from Dom's and Sub's to get help form both.

Sandy x"

Maybe your dom should read 'the new topping book'. We would recommend it - its quite insightful from both sides

Being a sub & dom needs to be both understanding and patience from both sides; you need to communicate with your dom. praise your dom when he does things you like; kiss his shoes or offer rewards in return or be misbehaving your limits will become apparent and should not be rush.

Remember Though he is Dom you have the overall power and will as being the sub. Every sub & dom couple are different; what works for them may not work for you.

Enjoy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm watching this with interest as just had a second meet in a new Sub role

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"as I'm still unclear on my own limits but do want to be pushed he says he requires subtle hints or nudges in the right direction. He has no problem controlling me but needs to feel he's not forcing me in a direction Im not comfortable with."

Hi Sandy,

You mention limits and not forcing you in a direction you are not comfortable with, are you referring to actual elements of play (Caning, spanking, rope, etc) or do you mean tasks (Not wearing underwear, speech and eye restrictions)?

I would say the best thing to start with is talking, discuss what your ideas are, what things you would like to try and then when you agree on a subject, give it a go and see how it works. Honesty is very important, don’t say you like something just because you think you should and your Dom needs to do the same, no point you wanting hours of rope play if the very idea bores him.

With regards to subtle hints and nudges, I see no problem with the sub giving the Dom advice, for example “This sub has been naughty today sir, and deserves punishment”, yes that could be seen as topping from the bottom but he will know you want to play and he can then decide if you ‘deserve’ punishment. Hints/nudges when playing can be as simple as “Yes sir/no sir”, indicating if you are enjoying it or not. Of course if things become too much just use a safe word to stop and then, when you are feeling up to it, discuss what went wrong.

You both need to accept that not everything will work, you will both make mistakes and neither of you are perfect. While you are finding you feet and while he is learning to ‘read’ you, take it slow, experiment, and enjoy finding new things together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Following too.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

My suggestion is, talk to subs, they will be honest and are not often wannabes...

Communication is essential.

Try the veri on my profile, she is very knowledgeable

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Have had some great responses via this post and now have been directed to a BDSM check list so will she if that helps clear up my confusion over direction

Sandy x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most of all have fun with it!

My session at the weekend was intense for me as a newbie but I laugh when under strict conditions sometimes and this happened twice, I couldn't help it but we laughed together.

It made it more enjoyable although I did get extra punishment for it

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By *eviant and BemusedCouple
over a year ago

Burton

Some basic daily rules can be useful for reinforcing your roles. For example, I have to ask permission to have an alcoholic drink or to buy anything other than essentials. I also must sleep naked. Little things that quietly show my submission. We are married and live this 24/7, so it depends on your set up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi all, looking for help and advice to move forward in Dom/Sub role

still at a very early stage as a Sub and so is my Dom

looking at task / ideas that will help us both move forward and learn our limits so how do we decide on tasks and as a good Sub should be guiding my Dom ?

as I'm still unclear on my own limits but do want to be pushed he says he requires subtle hints or nudges in the right direction. He has no problem controlling me but needs to feel he's not forcing me in a direction Im not comfortable with.

would love to hear from Dom's and Sub's to get help form both.

Sandy x"

If you're unsure ask....one of the greatest things in any Dom/sub dynamic is that it doesn't matter how silly you think it is...your Dom will prefer you to ask.

But as others have said every one's dynamic is different.

Do what you feel is best for you and say what you are and are not comfortable with buy above all have fun.

Perhaps write a list of your limits ~ soft limits ~ hard limits etc.

I wish you well op.

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By *is_Collared_SubWoman
over a year ago

London

Here's a list my dom sent me... I've completed lots but not all of them

1 point

1) Answer the door in lingerie and heels

2) Wear a short skirt with no knickers at a club, tell at least 10 guys.

3) Squeeze a guy's dick in a bar

4) Be someone's webcam slave for 30-60mins

5) Remote vibrator, I have controls while you have sit at the bar and hold conversations with which guys approach you.

6) Let a guy finger and kiss you in a bar, then I'll come and sit next to you and start fingering you too.

7) Organise a girls only sex party

8) Strip naked on a bridge over a motorway, stand there for 60 seconds

9) Be a naked waitress for a night

10) Let me fuck your arse outside at Eureka

11) Flash guys in the street

3 points

1) Get a guy to film you from his point of view while you suck his cock and he cums in your mouth/on your face. Send the video to me.

2) Go to a gay bar and go home with a girl you meet that night. Call me to pick you up.

3) Eat pussy that's been filled with cum

4) Fuck a man in the toilets, whilst I'm queuing for a drink at the bar

5) Suck the biggest cock you can find in Rios or Eureka, regardless of looks.

6) Do naked yoga. Put an advert on Craigslist for voyeurs. When you're finished choose one to fuck you while the others watch.

7) Meet a dom/man or woman to get spanked, receive punishment.

8) Play a guy at pool, if he wins you have to suck him off. If you pot the black or white by accident during the game, he gets to fuck you.

5 points

1) Bukkake (10 man minimum)

2) Black gangbang (3 guys minimum)

3) Get something for free in exchange for a sexual act

4) Spend 30 mins at a glory hole, extra point for each man you make cum.

5) Wear blindfold and allow yourself to be fondled by guys in a jacuzzi

6) Meet up with 2 or more guys who want to piss on you.

7) Anal at a sex club/party with a guy. (You say "please fuck my arse")

10 points

1) Get paid to record a porno

2) Paid gangbang

3) Anal cream pie gangbang

4) Be the entertainment for a stag party, rugby team or similar group of guys. Let them do whatever they want to you.

5) ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here's a list my dom sent me... I've completed lots but not all of them

1 point

1) Answer the door in lingerie and heels

2) Wear a short skirt with no knickers at a club, tell at least 10 guys.

3) Squeeze a guy's dick in a bar

4) Be someone's webcam slave for 30-60mins

5) Remote vibrator, I have controls while you have sit at the bar and hold conversations with which guys approach you.

6) Let a guy finger and kiss you in a bar, then I'll come and sit next to you and start fingering you too.

7) Organise a girls only sex party

8) Strip naked on a bridge over a motorway, stand there for 60 seconds

9) Be a naked waitress for a night

10) Let me fuck your arse outside at Eureka

11) Flash guys in the street

3 points

1) Get a guy to film you from his point of view while you suck his cock and he cums in your mouth/on your face. Send the video to me.

2) Go to a gay bar and go home with a girl you meet that night. Call me to pick you up.

3) Eat pussy that's been filled with cum

4) Fuck a man in the toilets, whilst I'm queuing for a drink at the bar

5) Suck the biggest cock you can find in Rios or Eureka, regardless of looks.

6) Do naked yoga. Put an advert on Craigslist for voyeurs. When you're finished choose one to fuck you while the others watch.

7) Meet a dom/man or woman to get spanked, receive punishment.

8) Play a guy at pool, if he wins you have to suck him off. If you pot the black or white by accident during the game, he gets to fuck you.

5 points

1) Bukkake (10 man minimum)

2) Black gangbang (3 guys minimum)

3) Get something for free in exchange for a sexual act

4) Spend 30 mins at a glory hole, extra point for each man you make cum.

5) Wear blindfold and allow yourself to be fondled by guys in a jacuzzi

6) Meet up with 2 or more guys who want to piss on you.

7) Anal at a sex club/party with a guy. (You say "please fuck my arse")

10 points

1) Get paid to record a porno

2) Paid gangbang

3) Anal cream pie gangbang

4) Be the entertainment for a stag party, rugby team or similar group of guys. Let them do whatever they want to you.

5) ....

"

What do you get for the points?

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By *is_Collared_SubWoman
over a year ago

London

Lots of things, from masssages to trips, gigs, etc

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Wow collared, most of things are way off my limits for now but thanks for taking time to share

Sandy x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lots of things, from masssages to trips, gigs, etc"

That's epic, I tip our hat to you guys. Enjoying life, your way!

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By *aptivatingWoman
over a year ago

Chester


"

8) Strip naked on a bridge over a motorway, stand there for 60 seconds

"

I'm a firm believer in YKIOK, where it involves informed consent for ALL parties. This one is ill considered at best, and could either cause a major crash and loss of life or you could be flashing children (yes they travel in cars at all times of night for holidays, trips or whatever). Please think VERY carefully about if the potential risks involved in this are worthwhile simply for him or you to get off. For my money they REALLY aren't.

The rest of your to do list sounds like it has lots of potential for LOTS of fun though!!!

XxX

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By *aptivatingWoman
over a year ago

Chester

Checklists are a great way to start out, they definitely give an overall flavour, but they can't pick up on everything, and some things we think we will be okay with, we end up not being (If you'd seen my first checklist 10 years ago and saw one of mine now you'd never believe they were completed by the same person!)

In the past I've used a system where to begin with once a day we'd talk in "vanilla" mode, about what had worked and what hadn't, as our knowledge of each other grew that went to once a week, then just as required I would ask him for a time we could talk about things in that way.

Safewords also help - in the beginning in play, him checking in with you using the traffic light system can be great to learn about each other. (Green is it's all good, Amber is I'm reaching a limit here, Red is just stop everything now).

More than anything, have fun and remember regardless of the dynamic you both have to have your needs met.

XxX

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By *is_Collared_SubWoman
over a year ago

London


"

8) Strip naked on a bridge over a motorway, stand there for 60 seconds

I'm a firm believer in YKIOK, where it involves informed consent for ALL parties. This one is ill considered at best, and could either cause a major crash and loss of life or you could be flashing children (yes they travel in cars at all times of night for holidays, trips or whatever). Please think VERY carefully about if the potential risks involved in this are worthwhile simply for him or you to get off. For my money they REALLY aren't.

The rest of your to do list sounds like it has lots of potential for LOTS of fun though!!!

XxX"

Interesting what bothers some people and what doesn't. I take your point. I haven't done that task yet.

As it would simply be nudity I don't see why children might be adversely effected. It's only in a perverse culture that the human body is something to be hidden.

As for the potential to cause a crash, that's a bit more debatable for me... but I fear we're wandering off topic.

Thanks for your POV

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you so much for this post and replies xx

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By *melia_tsTV/TS
over a year ago

Berkshire

A good place to visit is Pedestal. You will meet loads of Doms and subs. Very professionally run. From novices to expert. There is a dance floor, bars, a dungeon.. and a safe great atmosphere.

Amelia.X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you have to decide how it will work for you both . You may decide to enjoy kinky play only or enter into a D/s relationship . Read as much as you can . A checklist is very useful to give you an idea. Am happy to help .I am a Domme .x

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By *ugarandspice9569Couple
over a year ago

Doncaster

Thank you everyone. More great ideas and plenty of food for thought x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you so much for this post and replies xx"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A good place to visit is Pedestal."

Pedestal is a female dominants night. Any male dominant is likely to be a bit fish out of water.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So got some great answer / suggestions but now think me and my dom would like to sit down for a social with another Dom/Sub set to chat face to face

Sandy x

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By *irtySexyDawgMan
over a year ago

Welwyn


"as I'm still unclear on my own limits but do want to be pushed he says he requires subtle hints or nudges in the right direction. He has no problem controlling me but needs to feel he's not forcing me in a direction Im not comfortable with.

Hi Sandy,

You mention limits and not forcing you in a direction you are not comfortable with, are you referring to actual elements of play (Caning, spanking, rope, etc) or do you mean tasks (Not wearing underwear, speech and eye restrictions)?

I would say the best thing to start with is talking, discuss what your ideas are, what things you would like to try and then when you agree on a subject, give it a go and see how it works. Honesty is very important, don’t say you like something just because you think you should and your Dom needs to do the same, no point you wanting hours of rope play if the very idea bores him.

With regards to subtle hints and nudges, I see no problem with the sub giving the Dom advice, for example “This sub has been naughty today sir, and deserves punishment”, yes that could be seen as topping from the bottom but he will know you want to play and he can then decide if you ‘deserve’ punishment. Hints/nudges when playing can be as simple as “Yes sir/no sir”, indicating if you are enjoying it or not. Of course if things become too much just use a safe word to stop and then, when you are feeling up to it, discuss what went wrong.

You both need to accept that not everything will work, you will both make mistakes and neither of you are perfect. While you are finding you feet and while he is learning to ‘read’ you, take it slow, experiment, and enjoy finding new things together.

"

Great advice and literally just 'tried' to have this chat with a gorg newbie sub I'm really in to...but despite trying to explain the need for two way communication, they're stuck in a rut and think I/others should somehow know or deduce what she likes in all facets of her daily and sub life...however she's quite resistant to having her boundaries pushed.

I'm shopping for a crystal ball and time machine atm...he says chuckling/frowning.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"as I'm still unclear on my own limits but do want to be pushed he says he requires subtle hints or nudges in the right direction. He has no problem controlling me but needs to feel he's not forcing me in a direction Im not comfortable with.

Hi Sandy,

You mention limits and not forcing you in a direction you are not comfortable with, are you referring to actual elements of play (Caning, spanking, rope, etc) or do you mean tasks (Not wearing underwear, speech and eye restrictions)?

I would say the best thing to start with is talking, discuss what your ideas are, what things you would like to try and then when you agree on a subject, give it a go and see how it works. Honesty is very important, don’t say you like something just because you think you should and your Dom needs to do the same, no point you wanting hours of rope play if the very idea bores him.

With regards to subtle hints and nudges, I see no problem with the sub giving the Dom advice, for example “This sub has been naughty today sir, and deserves punishment”, yes that could be seen as topping from the bottom but he will know you want to play and he can then decide if you ‘deserve’ punishment. Hints/nudges when playing can be as simple as “Yes sir/no sir”, indicating if you are enjoying it or not. Of course if things become too much just use a safe word to stop and then, when you are feeling up to it, discuss what went wrong.

You both need to accept that not everything will work, you will both make mistakes and neither of you are perfect. While you are finding you feet and while he is learning to ‘read’ you, take it slow, experiment, and enjoy finding new things together.

Great advice and literally just 'tried' to have this chat with a gorg newbie sub I'm really in to...but despite trying to explain the need for two way communication, they're stuck in a rut and think I/others should somehow know or deduce what she likes in all facets of her daily and sub life...however she's quite resistant to having her boundaries pushed.

I'm shopping for a crystal ball and time machine atm...he says chuckling/frowning. "

It's totally out of order to be discussing someone else's private discussions on the forums.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here's a list my dom sent me... I've completed lots but not all of them

1 point

1) Answer the door in lingerie and heels

2) Wear a short skirt with no knickers at a club, tell at least 10 guys.

3) Squeeze a guy's dick in a bar

4) Be someone's webcam slave for 30-60mins

5) Remote vibrator, I have controls while you have sit at the bar and hold conversations with which guys approach you.

6) Let a guy finger and kiss you in a bar, then I'll come and sit next to you and start fingering you too.

7) Organise a girls only sex party

8) Strip naked on a bridge over a motorway, stand there for 60 seconds

9) Be a naked waitress for a night

10) Let me fuck your arse outside at Eureka

11) Flash guys in the street

3 points

1) Get a guy to film you from his point of view while you suck his cock and he cums in your mouth/on your face. Send the video to me.

2) Go to a gay bar and go home with a girl you meet that night. Call me to pick you up.

3) Eat pussy that's been filled with cum

4) Fuck a man in the toilets, whilst I'm queuing for a drink at the bar

5) Suck the biggest cock you can find in Rios or Eureka, regardless of looks.

6) Do naked yoga. Put an advert on Craigslist for voyeurs. When you're finished choose one to fuck you while the others watch.

7) Meet a dom/man or woman to get spanked, receive punishment.

8) Play a guy at pool, if he wins you have to suck him off. If you pot the black or white by accident during the game, he gets to fuck you.

5 points

1) Bukkake (10 man minimum)

2) Black gangbang (3 guys minimum)

3) Get something for free in exchange for a sexual act

4) Spend 30 mins at a glory hole, extra point for each man you make cum.

5) Wear blindfold and allow yourself to be fondled by guys in a jacuzzi

6) Meet up with 2 or more guys who want to piss on you.

7) Anal at a sex club/party with a guy. (You say "please fuck my arse")

10 points

1) Get paid to record a porno

2) Paid gangbang

3) Anal cream pie gangbang

4) Be the entertainment for a stag party, rugby team or similar group of guys. Let them do whatever they want to you.

5) ....

"

I seem to have missed to bit about development of the sub, challenging them to achieve better in their lives, building them up, being supportive of them... Encouraging self discovery and improvement should be a primary concern for the D type.

Plenty of boundary pushing but that isn't all D/s or M/s slave is about.

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By *irtySexyDawgMan
over a year ago

Welwyn


"as I'm still unclear on my own limits but do want to be pushed he says he requires subtle hints or nudges in the right direction. He has no problem controlling me but needs to feel he's not forcing me in a direction Im not comfortable with.

Hi Sandy,

You mention limits and not forcing you in a direction you are not comfortable with, are you referring to actual elements of play (Caning, spanking, rope, etc) or do you mean tasks (Not wearing underwear, speech and eye restrictions)?

I would say the best thing to start with is talking, discuss what your ideas are, what things you would like to try and then when you agree on a subject, give it a go and see how it works. Honesty is very important, don’t say you like something just because you think you should and your Dom needs to do the same, no point you wanting hours of rope play if the very idea bores him.

With regards to subtle hints and nudges, I see no problem with the sub giving the Dom advice, for example “This sub has been naughty today sir, and deserves punishment”, yes that could be seen as topping from the bottom but he will know you want to play and he can then decide if you ‘deserve’ punishment. Hints/nudges when playing can be as simple as “Yes sir/no sir”, indicating if you are enjoying it or not. Of course if things become too much just use a safe word to stop and then, when you are feeling up to it, discuss what went wrong.

You both need to accept that not everything will work, you will both make mistakes and neither of you are perfect. While you are finding you feet and while he is learning to ‘read’ you, take it slow, experiment, and enjoy finding new things together.

Great advice and literally just 'tried' to have this chat with a gorg newbie sub I'm really in to...but despite trying to explain the need for two way communication, they're stuck in a rut and think I/others should somehow know or deduce what she likes in all facets of her daily and sub life...however she's quite resistant to having her boundaries pushed.

I'm shopping for a crystal ball and time machine atm...he says chuckling/frowning.

It's totally out of order to be discussing someone else's private discussions on the forums. "

Anonymity is an amazing privacy protector...hence not mentioning any names.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"as I'm still unclear on my own limits but do want to be pushed he says he requires subtle hints or nudges in the right direction. He has no problem controlling me but needs to feel he's not forcing me in a direction Im not comfortable with.

Hi Sandy,

You mention limits and not forcing you in a direction you are not comfortable with, are you referring to actual elements of play (Caning, spanking, rope, etc) or do you mean tasks (Not wearing underwear, speech and eye restrictions)?

I would say the best thing to start with is talking, discuss what your ideas are, what things you would like to try and then when you agree on a subject, give it a go and see how it works. Honesty is very important, don’t say you like something just because you think you should and your Dom needs to do the same, no point you wanting hours of rope play if the very idea bores him.

With regards to subtle hints and nudges, I see no problem with the sub giving the Dom advice, for example “This sub has been naughty today sir, and deserves punishment”, yes that could be seen as topping from the bottom but he will know you want to play and he can then decide if you ‘deserve’ punishment. Hints/nudges when playing can be as simple as “Yes sir/no sir”, indicating if you are enjoying it or not. Of course if things become too much just use a safe word to stop and then, when you are feeling up to it, discuss what went wrong.

You both need to accept that not everything will work, you will both make mistakes and neither of you are perfect. While you are finding you feet and while he is learning to ‘read’ you, take it slow, experiment, and enjoy finding new things together.

Great advice and literally just 'tried' to have this chat with a gorg newbie sub I'm really in to...but despite trying to explain the need for two way communication, they're stuck in a rut and think I/others should somehow know or deduce what she likes in all facets of her daily and sub life...however she's quite resistant to having her boundaries pushed.

I'm shopping for a crystal ball and time machine atm...he says chuckling/frowning.

It's totally out of order to be discussing someone else's private discussions on the forums.

Anonymity is an amazing privacy protector...hence not mentioning any names. "

But surely the person you're talking about would know it was about them. Private conversations are supposed to be private, especially when involving quite an emotive subject. I think it's unnecessary and actually quite nasty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"as I'm still unclear on my own limits but do want to be pushed he says he requires subtle hints or nudges in the right direction. He has no problem controlling me but needs to feel he's not forcing me in a direction Im not comfortable with.

Hi Sandy,

You mention limits and not forcing you in a direction you are not comfortable with, are you referring to actual elements of play (Caning, spanking, rope, etc) or do you mean tasks (Not wearing underwear, speech and eye restrictions)?

I would say the best thing to start with is talking, discuss what your ideas are, what things you would like to try and then when you agree on a subject, give it a go and see how it works. Honesty is very important, don’t say you like something just because you think you should and your Dom needs to do the same, no point you wanting hours of rope play if the very idea bores him.

With regards to subtle hints and nudges, I see no problem with the sub giving the Dom advice, for example “This sub has been naughty today sir, and deserves punishment”, yes that could be seen as topping from the bottom but he will know you want to play and he can then decide if you ‘deserve’ punishment. Hints/nudges when playing can be as simple as “Yes sir/no sir”, indicating if you are enjoying it or not. Of course if things become too much just use a safe word to stop and then, when you are feeling up to it, discuss what went wrong.

You both need to accept that not everything will work, you will both make mistakes and neither of you are perfect. While you are finding you feet and while he is learning to ‘read’ you, take it slow, experiment, and enjoy finding new things together.

Great advice and literally just 'tried' to have this chat with a gorg newbie sub I'm really in to...but despite trying to explain the need for two way communication, they're stuck in a rut and think I/others should somehow know or deduce what she likes in all facets of her daily and sub life...however she's quite resistant to having her boundaries pushed.

I'm shopping for a crystal ball and time machine atm...he says chuckling/frowning.

It's totally out of order to be discussing someone else's private discussions on the forums.

Anonymity is an amazing privacy protector...hence not mentioning any names.

But surely the person you're talking about would know it was about them. Private conversations are supposed to be private, especially when involving quite an emotive subject. I think it's unnecessary and actually quite nasty. "

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By *irtySexyDawgMan
over a year ago

Welwyn


"as I'm still unclear on my own limits but do want to be pushed he says he requires subtle hints or nudges in the right direction. He has no problem controlling me but needs to feel he's not forcing me in a direction Im not comfortable with.

Hi Sandy,

You mention limits and not forcing you in a direction you are not comfortable with, are you referring to actual elements of play (Caning, spanking, rope, etc) or do you mean tasks (Not wearing underwear, speech and eye restrictions)?

I would say the best thing to start with is talking, discuss what your ideas are, what things you would like to try and then when you agree on a subject, give it a go and see how it works. Honesty is very important, don’t say you like something just because you think you should and your Dom needs to do the same, no point you wanting hours of rope play if the very idea bores him.

With regards to subtle hints and nudges, I see no problem with the sub giving the Dom advice, for example “This sub has been naughty today sir, and deserves punishment”, yes that could be seen as topping from the bottom but he will know you want to play and he can then decide if you ‘deserve’ punishment. Hints/nudges when playing can be as simple as “Yes sir/no sir”, indicating if you are enjoying it or not. Of course if things become too much just use a safe word to stop and then, when you are feeling up to it, discuss what went wrong.

You both need to accept that not everything will work, you will both make mistakes and neither of you are perfect. While you are finding you feet and while he is learning to ‘read’ you, take it slow, experiment, and enjoy finding new things together.

Great advice and literally just 'tried' to have this chat with a gorg newbie sub I'm really in to...but despite trying to explain the need for two way communication, they're stuck in a rut and think I/others should somehow know or deduce what she likes in all facets of her daily and sub life...however she's quite resistant to having her boundaries pushed.

I'm shopping for a crystal ball and time machine atm...he says chuckling/frowning.

It's totally out of order to be discussing someone else's private discussions on the forums.

Anonymity is an amazing privacy protector...hence not mentioning any names.

But surely the person you're talking about would know it was about them. Private conversations are supposed to be private, especially when involving quite an emotive subject. I think it's unnecessary and actually quite nasty. "

I hear, understand and will try to be more mindful in future.

But would say in my defense that this entire forum is bursting with people sharing their personal (sonetimes very personal) experiences, not all of them positive. Many are a lot less subtle than my post and it was anonymous.

And whilst remaining anonymous, the person concerned has intentionally constructed false posts with others to upset me...sonething I'd never do.

So I guess it's prob best to not judge or defend others unless you know all the facts first.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"

I hear, understand and will try to be more mindful in future.

But would say in my defense that this entire forum is bursting with people sharing their personal (sonetimes very personal) experiences, not all of them positive. Many are a lot less subtle than my post and it was anonymous.

And whilst remaining anonymous, the person concerned has intentionally constructed false posts with others to upset me...sonething I'd never do.

So I guess it's prob best to not judge or defend others unless you know all the facts first.

"

You don't need to give details of conversations, particularly if the person is on here and may see that you've shared something they might have wanted to be kept between the two of you.

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By *irtySexyDawgMan
over a year ago

Welwyn


"

I hear, understand and will try to be more mindful in future.

But would say in my defense that this entire forum is bursting with people sharing their personal (sonetimes very personal) experiences, not all of them positive. Many are a lot less subtle than my post and it was anonymous.

And whilst remaining anonymous, the person concerned has intentionally constructed false posts with others to upset me...sonething I'd never do.

So I guess it's prob best to not judge or defend others unless you know all the facts first.

You don't need to give details of conversations, particularly if the person is on here and may see that you've shared something they might have wanted to be kept between the two of you. "

'Noted, understood and will try to be more mindful in future'...not sure how to be more contrite?

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"

I hear, understand and will try to be more mindful in future.

But would say in my defense that this entire forum is bursting with people sharing their personal (sonetimes very personal) experiences, not all of them positive. Many are a lot less subtle than my post and it was anonymous.

And whilst remaining anonymous, the person concerned has intentionally constructed false posts with others to upset me...sonething I'd never do.

So I guess it's prob best to not judge or defend others unless you know all the facts first.

You don't need to give details of conversations, particularly if the person is on here and may see that you've shared something they might have wanted to be kept between the two of you.

'Noted, understood and will try to be more mindful in future'...not sure how to be more contrite? "

It's all well and good saying that but then defending your actions, if you understood, you wouldn't then try to defend yourself because you'd have accepted what you did was wrong.

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By *irtySexyDawgMan
over a year ago

Welwyn


"

I hear, understand and will try to be more mindful in future.

But would say in my defense that this entire forum is bursting with people sharing their personal (sonetimes very personal) experiences, not all of them positive. Many are a lot less subtle than my post and it was anonymous.

And whilst remaining anonymous, the person concerned has intentionally constructed false posts with others to upset me...sonething I'd never do.

So I guess it's prob best to not judge or defend others unless you know all the facts first.

You don't need to give details of conversations, particularly if the person is on here and may see that you've shared something they might have wanted to be kept between the two of you.

'Noted, understood and will try to be more mindful in future'...not sure how to be more contrite?

It's all well and good saying that but then defending your actions, if you understood, you wouldn't then try to defend yourself because you'd have accepted what you did was wrong."

Ive apologised to the person concerned...guess its their forgiveness that matters most.

I do hope you enjoy greater forgiveness and less bias when you make your next mistake...oil on troubled waters is always better than stirring things up...i find.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"

I hear, understand and will try to be more mindful in future.

But would say in my defense that this entire forum is bursting with people sharing their personal (sonetimes very personal) experiences, not all of them positive. Many are a lot less subtle than my post and it was anonymous.

And whilst remaining anonymous, the person concerned has intentionally constructed false posts with others to upset me...sonething I'd never do.

So I guess it's prob best to not judge or defend others unless you know all the facts first.

You don't need to give details of conversations, particularly if the person is on here and may see that you've shared something they might have wanted to be kept between the two of you.

'Noted, understood and will try to be more mindful in future'...not sure how to be more contrite?

It's all well and good saying that but then defending your actions, if you understood, you wouldn't then try to defend yourself because you'd have accepted what you did was wrong.

Ive apologised to the person concerned...guess its their forgiveness that matters most.

I do hope you enjoy greater forgiveness and less bias when you make your next mistake...oil on troubled waters is always better than stirring things up...i find. "

I didn't make a mistake but thanks.

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By *irtySexyDawgMan
over a year ago

Welwyn


"

I hear, understand and will try to be more mindful in future.

But would say in my defense that this entire forum is bursting with people sharing their personal (sonetimes very personal) experiences, not all of them positive. Many are a lot less subtle than my post and it was anonymous.

And whilst remaining anonymous, the person concerned has intentionally constructed false posts with others to upset me...sonething I'd never do.

So I guess it's prob best to not judge or defend others unless you know all the facts first.

You don't need to give details of conversations, particularly if the person is on here and may see that you've shared something they might have wanted to be kept between the two of you.

'Noted, understood and will try to be more mindful in future'...not sure how to be more contrite?

It's all well and good saying that but then defending your actions, if you understood, you wouldn't then try to defend yourself because you'd have accepted what you did was wrong.

Ive apologised to the person concerned...guess its their forgiveness that matters most.

I do hope you enjoy greater forgiveness and less bias when you make your next mistake...oil on troubled waters is always better than stirring things up...i find.

I didn't make a mistake but thanks. "

Agree to differ and you're very welcome.

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