FabSwingers.com forum: Ireland - definitely see potential but little bit nervous

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Right now I'm on the fringes of the internet. In real life I'm just a normal guy who hasn't had much problem dating or whatever. However I always felt like I wanted more and I'm not meeting like minds and spending too much time drinking and less time connecting. Have many of you entered this scene on your own ?

I'm worried about attitudes of friends , family, granny , my aunts , locals etc and employers too. Are there any pitfalls to be aware of ?

I'd never let anyone down if I gave my word but on the flip side ,if I arrange my first , what % of people were winding you up and faded away ? Also in people's experiences how many are vastly different from their perception online ?

Hosting for example . Does this mean having your own place ? If so I can but I'm not feeling up for advertising that I can until I feel I have gotten to know them first . Or does it mean you're willing to pay for a room ? So much for me to learn .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok, one at a time - yes, we're worried about what family etc would think but we didn't discuss our sex life with them before we joined the scene so we're certainly not going to tell them about this. We do our best to be discreet and don't make face pics etc public.

Yes, you will find fakes, and people who either bottle it or love the chat but never meet. We never assume anything until the person is there in front of us. We prefer a social first and would never make plans with someone we hadn't met before that meant we had to really put ourselves out. That way if it does fall through then we've not lost anything.

Accommodating can mean either at your place or that you are prepared to book a room. Maybe mention that initially the latter is your preference on your profile.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks a lot . That makes sense. I was thinking definitely something social is crucial. I wouldnt want to be involved as a first timer in something which I might regret.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Right now I'm on the fringes of the internet. In real life I'm just a normal guy who hasn't had much problem dating or whatever. However I always felt like I wanted more and I'm not meeting like minds and spending too much time drinking and less time connecting. Have many of you entered this scene on your own ?

I'm worried about attitudes of friends , family, granny , my aunts , locals etc and employers too. Are there any pitfalls to be aware of ?

I didn't enter alone but its fairly daunting as the female half of a couple.

You are under no obligation to tell anyone that you're meeting people off the net for sex so the attitude of friends and family shouldn't be a worry.

If you want to remain discreet never post a naked or compromising pboto that anyone could recognise. Always ensure any face photo is of you fully clothed and not one you use anywhere else, especially facebook. Don't give out any pbone number that you use elsewhere on the net and don't give away too much information e.g. place of work, date of birth etc.

As has been said a social is a good place to start. Also if it sounds too good to be true it almost certainly is.

Never forget its your absolute right to refuse any offer made to you and don't expect too much.

Have you thought about attending a club?

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By *lighty1Woman
over a year ago

You Dont Need to Know, right now

OP, yes, I entered this scene on my own. Of course, as a single woman, a lot of my experiences will be different from those of a single man. However, you evidently have some of the same concerns that I did.

As regards the attitudes of friends, only you can guess, based on how open-minded you think they are. Ironically, this is one area where women have more problems than men, as the old out-dated double standards still apply, especially in the older generation. I would try to avoid telling your granny, if I were you, but your mates will probably say 'good on ya'

Swinging isn't illegal, so it would be wrong of an employer to 'judge' you for it. That said, I would avoid telling colleagues about your sex life, as it's not really an appropriate subject for discussion at work. You can try to minimise the chance of an inadvertent 'outing' as a swinger, by keeping any face-pics private or in 'friends only'. But if you are 'outed' at work, your employer can't fire you for it. What you do in your own time is your own business. NB don't use a company car for alfresco fun or the stationery cupboard for meets

There are some liars on here. However, liars won't get far (no-one is gonna have sex with someone who doesn't look like their pics, for example). The worst thing that can happen is you meet someone in a pub or coffee bar, and just don't fancy them. But you can chat politely for 20 mins, and at the end of the day 'no means no' - this applies to men as well as women.

There are timewasters on Fab - personally I've never been 'hooked' by one, as I read profiles/verifications and chat for a long time, before agreeing to a (social-only) first meet. If you're looking for women/couples, talking on the fone (including to the lady) is also a good idea, as is using the chat rooms, and asking someone to put their cam on, if you have any suspicions that they may be men 'in disguise' as women.

As regards accommodating, I always insist on a social-only meet in a public place, to start with. If I 'click' with a man (and him with me) I will suggest a second meet, and I will invite them to my home or go to theirs. I did once use a hotel (we split the bill), but I would only do that if there was a good reason for not going to either of our homes (e.g. if I was away on business, people with small children at home etc). A 'single' man who wouldn't invite me to his home would set alarm bells ringing ... I would suspect that he actually has a wife at home.

I hope this long answer helps, especially since I'm a woman not a guy. But basically, use your common sense, treat others with the courtesy and respect that you would expect from them, and you won't go far wrong.

PS You might also like to consider swingers clubs and socials, as they are a good way to meet like-minded people, to get you started. See Fab's 'clubs' tab for clubs in your area, and Fab's Forums for details of upcoming socials.

Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for being so nice and giving me the advice I needed

. Just having a nice normal chat like this is therapy to ease my concerns. I have so far no clue about these clubs. I could go tonight or tomorrow night easily if I put my mind to it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Thanks for being so nice and giving me the advice I needed

. Just having a nice normal chat like this is therapy to ease my concerns. I have so far no clue about these clubs. I could go tonight or tomorrow night easily if I put my mind to it. "

If you think about it we're mostly all just nice, normal people

You will come across rude, entitled people but try and ignore them

Good luck and enjoy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for being so nice and giving me the advice I needed

. Just having a nice normal chat like this is therapy to ease my concerns. I have so far no clue about these clubs. I could go tonight or tomorrow night easily if I put my mind to it. "

I genuinely think that if you can walk into a pub and chat with someone you don't know at the bar you will be fine in a club. If you go looking to meet people and chat, start to build a network, without expecting to get laid, are respectful and make an effort you'll probably have a great night even if you don't play. And you never know what the future will bring once you start to get to know people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sound advice

The clubs tab shows up nothing for Ireland. I would think thats probably highly inaccurate

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I'd start off with arranging some low level and no expectation socials.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'd start off with arranging some low level and no expectation socials. "

Is this a social in a basement?

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