FabSwingers.com forum: Messaging advice

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hello everyone.

Kind of new to this, had a couple of breaks away from here out of frustration.

Having some issues with messaging people, struggle knowing what to say.

Ladies and couples, what kind of things would you look for in an initial message from a single male that would pique your interest and make you think that person might be worth talking to?

I understand as a single male, I'm kind of the bottom of the food chain round here so I'd like some advice/constructive criticism to help me stand out.

Thanks in advance.

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By *he devil wears pradaWoman
over a year ago

gosport ish

"Hello everyone.

Kind of new to this, had a couple of breaks away from here out of frustration.

Having some issues with messaging people, struggle knowing what to say.

Ladies and couples, what kind of things would you look for in an initial message from a single male that would pique your interest and make you think that person might be worth talking to?

I understand as a single male, I'm kind of the bottom of the food chain round here so I'd like some advice/constructive criticism to help me stand out.

Thanks in advance."
A polite message showing you've read their profile and maybe pick up on something in the profile. That said most look at the profile and pictures before even bothering reading a message op

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello everyone.

Kind of new to this, had a couple of breaks away from here out of frustration.

Having some issues with messaging people, struggle knowing what to say.

Ladies and couples, what kind of things would you look for in an initial message from a single male that would pique your interest and make you think that person might be worth talking to?

I understand as a single male, I'm kind of the bottom of the food chain round here so I'd like some advice/constructive criticism to help me stand out.

Thanks in advance."

A well thought out and polite message picking up on something in someone's profile is key.

Personally I would be put off by your profile pic but that's just my opinion

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By *hat The CuckCouple
over a year ago

South London

There is no standard message. You just need to read their profile and reference what you like about their profile that makes you think you're a match. That's what gets our attention. Ones we delete straight away are "nice pics" messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't read messages, I'm only interested in what the face looks like. Personally, I'd just delete any message with a dick as a profile pic though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well that leads me to another area where I need advice. What kind of pictures what be better?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Different people like different things so no set formula

I have mostly chatted to people from initial interaction in the forums

Lots of people look at your profile before even opening the message so that needs to attract them enough to open your message

I don't bother even opening messages where the avatar is just a cock and just jump straight to delete but it is my personal preference

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't read messages, I'm only interested in what the face looks like. Personally, I'd just delete any message with a dick as a profile pic though."

Yea I understand that, don't want to have my face as my profile pic if I'm honest. Discretion reasons really. I always include one with a message.

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By *hat The CuckCouple
over a year ago

South London

"I don't read messages, I'm only interested in what the face looks like. Personally, I'd just delete any message with a dick as a profile pic though.

Yea I understand that, don't want to have my face as my profile pic if I'm honest. Discretion reasons really. I always include one with a message."

We can understand that, but why not a torso or other type of photo instead of your cock?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We can understand that, but why not a torso or other type of photo instead of your cock?"
I'm going to take some more pics now and sort my profile out. Thanks for the advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same as others have said- torso/upper body pics or something a little more imaginative than your cock. Have a look at some male profiles and get an idea what other men do- chest/upper body/ nice bum/lower body with a hand cupped over your 'man downstairs' all seem to go down better than a straight up cock shot.

Definitely read profiles and don't copy and paste- it is an insult to women that men think we aren't smart enough to spot them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Creative, ego free messages are the way to go.

As others have said, read profiles, send a message that is relevant to what you know about that person from their profile.

Remember, the person you're messaging is here with their own agenda, even though you may be sending the first message, and that's your agenda, you want to tune into theirs, making what you want second to theirs. What is it people say...

You get what you put in.

Put in the effort, and people will make the effort in return, even if it'll mostly be rejections, the curse of the single guy that you can't escape.

And yeah, photos, start over mate. Again, creativity, everyone know you have a cock, and what they look like. Showing yours as your avatar screams ego, 'look at my cock!' Which as others have said is a huge turn off. I don't have my face pic on my public snaps, when we're friends you get to see it or if we start chatting. All the others show a little bit about me, or at least that was how I approached my pics.

But I'd say my overall advice, check your ego at the door when you log on to Fab, expect nothing from everyone, accept that you can't be everything to everyone, and don't put pressure on your membership here to provide you with sexual gratification, that's a happy coincidence to chatting with like minded people.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Fantastic replies, thanks everyone. Duly noted. Enjoy your weekends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fantastic replies, thanks everyone. Duly noted. Enjoy your weekends

"
That profile pic is worse than a cock don't want to show your face have a pic of your body without the cock on show to me that profile pic shows your not serious and just after a shag I would delete your message without even looking at any words

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My advise comes from the messages I have just ignored this evening - they were one word messages "Hi"/"Good Morning" and spelling mistakes!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Spelling mistakes they not taking an exam everyone can read even predicted text lol that changes what you put x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Spelling mistakes they not taking an exam everyone can read even predicted text lol that changes what you put x"

It is only my opinion - for me, I like someone who is able to string a sentence together. Others are happy with poor communication. All is good because we are all different.

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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago

Wherever the party is!

"Spelling mistakes they not taking an exam everyone can read even predicted text lol that changes what you put x

It is only my opinion - for me, I like someone who is able to string a sentence together. Others are happy with poor communication. All is good because we are all different."

Handy tip! Sometimes when you type stuff you may see some of your words highlighted in red or in some other way. Basically, computers, phones and tablets sometimes have free spell checkers built in. Then you can either right-click to get a list of suggested words or just tap on the word on your phone or tablet to do the same.

As someone who didn't do to badly at school I still have to check my spelling every now and then and it literally takes a second. Or two!

*I had about three spelling mistakes as I was writing this. Can you find them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Spelling mistakes they not taking an exam everyone can read even predicted text lol that changes what you put x

It is only my opinion - for me, I like someone who is able to string a sentence together. Others are happy with poor communication. All is good because we are all different."
spelling mistakes has nothing to do with stringing a sentence together the may be a great conservationist but lousy at spelling lol xx by the way not having a dig xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Spelling mistakes they not taking an exam everyone can read even predicted text lol that changes what you put x

It is only my opinion - for me, I like someone who is able to string a sentence together. Others are happy with poor communication. All is good because we are all different.

As someone who didn't do to badly at school I still have to check my spelling every now and then and it literally takes a second. Or two!

*I had about three spelling mistakes as I was writing this. Can you find them!

You used the wrong version of 'to/too' when talking about how you did in school

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello everyone.

Kind of new to this, had a couple of breaks away from here out of frustration.

Having some issues with messaging people, struggle knowing what to say.

Ladies and couples, what kind of things would you look for in an initial message from a single male that would pique your interest and make you think that person might be worth talking to?

I understand as a single male, I'm kind of the bottom of the food chain round here so I'd like some advice/constructive criticism to help me stand out.

Thanks in advance."
I am in the same boat but you will get notes here good luck

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By *nglishdoodMan
over a year ago

Morristown

"My advise... spelling mistakes!"

*advice

Don't you hate it when that happens

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By *ll 4 herCouple
over a year ago

Bury/Bolton

"Creative, ego free messages are the way to go.

As others have said, read profiles, send a message that is relevant to what you know about that person from their profile.

You get what you put in.

Put in the effort, and people will make the effort in return, even if it'll mostly be rejections, the curse of the single guy that you can't escape.

Good luck. "

This is the best advice we've read, just about sums it up. Just remember to put as much effort into your profile, as that will get noticed before the message will, so you need to be consistent with both.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

It's not just the message content, it's the style, the length, the timing, the profile, the photos......you have to tick ALL thw boxes. It only takes a negative on one of those for people to move on to the next.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tried all these and still coming up short...

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By *ll 4 herCouple
over a year ago

Bury/Bolton

"Tried all these and still coming up short..."

Unfortunately can't offer profile advice as you haven't asked for it, you'll need to check previous advice given to others, but the clues are all there.

If you see this site as a way to engage with others in this lifestyle then you can make it work, if like a lot you see it as a way to get an easy fuck then you will require more luck than substance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tried all these and still coming up short...

Unfortunately can't offer profile advice as you haven't asked for it, you'll need to check previous advice given to others, but the clues are all there.

If you see this site as a way to engage with others in this lifestyle then you can make it work, if like a lot you see it as a way to get an easy fuck then you will require more luck than substance."

Had profile advice and catered accordingly. Plus no I don't see it as a way for an easy fuck, I am interested in the individual I talk to but not quite ready to 100% clubs etc.

Just don't understand how you can get anywhere when no one gives you a chance to talk to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tried all these and still coming up short...

Unfortunately can't offer profile advice as you haven't asked for it, you'll need to check previous advice given to others, but the clues are all there.

If you see this site as a way to engage with others in this lifestyle then you can make it work, if like a lot you see it as a way to get an easy fuck then you will require more luck than substance.

Had profile advice and catered accordingly. Plus no I don't see it as a way for an easy fuck, I am interested in the individual I talk to but not quite ready to 100% clubs etc.

Just don't understand how you can get anywhere when no one gives you a chance to talk to them. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ladies and couples, what kind of things would you look for in an initial message from a single male that would pique your interest and make you think that person might be worth talking to?

Maybe someone who dosent need to ask strangers on what to say to them ? or something outlandishly crazy like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ladies and couples, what kind of things would you look for in an initial message from a single male that would pique your interest and make you think that person might be worth talking to?

Maybe someone who dosent need to ask strangers on what to say to them ? or something outlandishly crazy like that

Why should people spend time talking to people who appear to have nothing to offer?

Sorry there's a lot of competition on here and I only talk to people I find attractive.

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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago

Wherever the party is!

"Tried all these and still coming up short...

Unfortunately can't offer profile advice as you haven't asked for it, you'll need to check previous advice given to others, but the clues are all there.

If you see this site as a way to engage with others in this lifestyle then you can make it work, if like a lot you see it as a way to get an easy fuck then you will require more luck than substance.

Had profile advice and catered accordingly. Plus no I don't see it as a way for an easy fuck, I am interested in the individual I talk to but not quite ready to 100% clubs etc.

Just don't understand how you can get anywhere when no one gives you a chance to talk to them. "

What do you mean by "talk" exactly?

I know a super easy way you can make contact with some people but...not sure if you're quite ready for that...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tried all these and still coming up short...

Unfortunately can't offer profile advice as you haven't asked for it, you'll need to check previous advice given to others, but the clues are all there.

If you see this site as a way to engage with others in this lifestyle then you can make it work, if like a lot you see it as a way to get an easy fuck then you will require more luck than substance.

Had profile advice and catered accordingly. Plus no I don't see it as a way for an easy fuck, I am interested in the individual I talk to but not quite ready to 100% clubs etc.

Just don't understand how you can get anywhere when no one gives you a chance to talk to them.

What do you mean by "talk" exactly?

I know a super easy way you can make contact with some people but...not sure if you're quite ready for that..."

Talk as in understand the person, the Kwirks and whatnot of them. Likes, dislikes.

Go on...?

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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago

Wherever the party is!

"Tried all these and still coming up short...

Unfortunately can't offer profile advice as you haven't asked for it, you'll need to check previous advice given to others, but the clues are all there.

If you see this site as a way to engage with others in this lifestyle then you can make it work, if like a lot you see it as a way to get an easy fuck then you will require more luck than substance.

Had profile advice and catered accordingly. Plus no I don't see it as a way for an easy fuck, I am interested in the individual I talk to but not quite ready to 100% clubs etc.

Just don't understand how you can get anywhere when no one gives you a chance to talk to them.

What do you mean by "talk" exactly?

I know a super easy way you can make contact with some people but...not sure if you're quite ready for that...

Talk as in understand the person, the Kwirks and whatnot of them. Likes, dislikes.

Go on...? "

How are you with talking to people in real life e.g. down the pub, at work or even your mates?

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"Tried all these and still coming up short...

Unfortunately can't offer profile advice as you haven't asked for it, you'll need to check previous advice given to others, but the clues are all there.

If you see this site as a way to engage with others in this lifestyle then you can make it work, if like a lot you see it as a way to get an easy fuck then you will require more luck than substance.

Had profile advice and catered accordingly. Plus no I don't see it as a way for an easy fuck, I am interested in the individual I talk to but not quite ready to 100% clubs etc.

Just don't understand how you can get anywhere when no one gives you a chance to talk to them. "

I'm a middle aged married bisexual man. If I can do it, so can you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Maybe someone who dosent need to ask strangers on what to say to them ? or something outlandishly crazy like that

Think you misread the title, bud. Was asking a question to receive an answer, not passive aggression. Hoping for general advice, maybe see where I've been going wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a man needs to ask how to talk to a woman you are in serious trouble.

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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago

Wherever the party is!

"If a man needs to ask how to talk to a woman you are in serious trouble."

Strangely enough, this is a common problem.

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By *ennythelionMan
over a year ago

Derby

if you bottom of the pile wait till you are 60 No one thinks you got anything to offer and are just a dirty old man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe someone who dosent need to ask strangers on what to say to them ? or something outlandishly crazy like that

Think you misread the title, bud. Was asking a question to receive an answer, not passive aggression. Hoping for general advice, maybe see where I've been going wrong. "

No, I think you're missing my point.

My answer wasn't "passive aggression" if you think about it. What I'm saying is you are not going to get far asking people what YOU should say to THEM. It's like going to a job interview and asking your prospective employer what answers would they like you to say.

You're an individual, act like one and not ask how to be one because asking someone else how to be one means you aren't one.

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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago

Wherever the party is!

Maybe someone who dosent need to ask strangers on what to say to them ? or something outlandishly crazy like that

Think you misread the title, bud. Was asking a question to receive an answer, not passive aggression. Hoping for general advice, maybe see where I've been going wrong.

No, I think you're missing my point.

You're an individual, act like one and not ask how to be one because asking someone else how to be one means you aren't one."

You know there are places you can go to get help with job interview techniques, right?

Heck, if you're really lucky, some employers even give you feedback on where you can improve your chances of having a successful interview!

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By *hropshire irishMan
over a year ago

Shropshire

"My advise... spelling mistakes!

*advice

Don't you hate it when that happens

Ooooh, correcting a spelling pedant for mixing her up her nouns and verbs...you're either going to be blocked or be dragged behind a bush and have your brains fucked out for being such a irresistible grammar nerd

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