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To truly relax at a meet

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By *rovocPair OP   Couple
over a year ago

Yorkshire

We're fairly experienced now and have had a lot of fun over the last few years! Something I've noticed though is I (fem) have started getting kind of 'stage fright' when it comes down to playing. Having a laugh and a drink is fine and I love it, I love having meets, I love the build up, chatting, everything! But as soon as it turns sexual I freeze. It's only recently. Has anyone else had similar? How do you overcome? X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kiss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes! I could do small talk for hours what works for me is someone dom to get me started.

Jx

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By *rovocPair OP   Couple
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Even when it gets started I can still be a bit... off. It bothers me and I hate it!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I didn't get to the stage where I froze but I realised I wanted to go to soft swing. Would that work for you?

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By *rovocPair OP   Couple
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"I didn't get to the stage where I froze but I realised I wanted to go to soft swing. Would that work for you?"

Yes, I've considered that. I did the same at an mmf. An mmf I was pushing for!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is your build up quite vanilla. A laugh over a few drinks. Then it suddenly turns sexual? If so we'd suggest this is the problem. Instead, we prefer to bubble up sensuality and sexuality through having an increasingly flirtatious social. Then, instead of "turning sexual" things just naturally flow from one thing to another

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I didn't get to the stage where I froze but I realised I wanted to go to soft swing. Would that work for you?

Yes, I've considered that. I did the same at an mmf. An mmf I was pushing for!"

I think we put too much pressure on ourselves sometimes. Maybe taking some of it off would help.

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By *rovocPair OP   Couple
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Is your build up quite vanilla. A laugh over a few drinks. Then it suddenly turns sexual? If so we'd suggest this is the problem. Instead, we prefer to bubble up sensuality and sexuality through having an increasingly flirtatious social. Then, instead of "turning sexual" things just naturally flow from one thing to another "

Yes, build up is always that way! It wasn't like that at the club we went to though. It's a more sexual atmosphere. I'm having a bit of a crisis!

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By *rovocPair OP   Couple
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"

I think we put too much pressure on ourselves sometimes. Maybe taking some of it off would help."

I am absolutely guilty of this. How though?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Is your build up quite vanilla. A laugh over a few drinks. Then it suddenly turns sexual? If so we'd suggest this is the problem. Instead, we prefer to bubble up sensuality and sexuality through having an increasingly flirtatious social. Then, instead of "turning sexual" things just naturally flow from one thing to another

Yes, build up is always that way! It wasn't like that at the club we went to though. It's a more sexual atmosphere. I'm having a bit of a crisis!"

Maybe you need to have a bit of a break.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Sometimes we are just not into it - its cool x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"

I think we put too much pressure on ourselves sometimes. Maybe taking some of it off would help.

I am absolutely guilty of this. How though? "

As I said above you might need to have a break.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is your build up quite vanilla. A laugh over a few drinks. Then it suddenly turns sexual? If so we'd suggest this is the problem. Instead, we prefer to bubble up sensuality and sexuality through having an increasingly flirtatious social. Then, instead of "turning sexual" things just naturally flow from one thing to another

Yes, build up is always that way! It wasn't like that at the club we went to though. It's a more sexual atmosphere. I'm having a bit of a crisis!"
i suffer with this.. unless we get straight to it. Thats so far the only way ive found around it.

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By *rovocPair OP   Couple
over a year ago

Yorkshire

We're back from a break! So it's not as if I've been meeting constantly!

Maybe getting straight to it as mentioned above might be the answer. Being more confident in myself. It's since having kids I've been like this so I'm aware that plays a part

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"We're back from a break! So it's not as if I've been meeting constantly!

Maybe getting straight to it as mentioned above might be the answer. Being more confident in myself. It's since having kids I've been like this so I'm aware that plays a part "

Only you can know how you feel about this but if I've learned anything in life it's not to do things that cause me stress unless they're absolutely necessary.

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

If you're back from having kids, could there be some subconscious body confidence issues in the back of your mind that are holding you back? Or maybe it's some kind of parental responsibility niggle that's stopping you from letting go?

Totally just thinking out loud with these - not implying that you *should* be having any of these thoughts

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By *ex mad ladMan
over a year ago

Sussex


"We're fairly experienced now and have had a lot of fun over the last few years! Something I've noticed though is I (fem) have started getting kind of 'stage fright' when it comes down to playing. Having a laugh and a drink is fine and I love it, I love having meets, I love the build up, chatting, everything! But as soon as it turns sexual I freeze. It's only recently. Has anyone else had similar? How do you overcome? X"
no it's never happened to me....you clearly don't drink enough alcohol maybe try crack

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By *rovocPair OP   Couple
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Green leaves- absolutely both of them.

Sex mad lad- I think I'll just stick to a gin or two thanks!

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

Aww! Well that's a totally normal set of feelings to have! Do you think it could help to meet up with a couple who you know well and have played with before? Just so you're with more familiar people?

I guess as well it could be the 'I'm not with my child - what if something's wrong' instinct? You're (rightly) taking some time for yourselves so there may be some guilt attached to that if you're not looking after the kids.

I have absolutely no experience in this area but I'd assume it's something that will ease in time. Just try not to force yourself into anything and to go at your own pace.

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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago

Wherever the party is!


"Is your build up quite vanilla. A laugh over a few drinks. Then it suddenly turns sexual? If so we'd suggest this is the problem. Instead, we prefer to bubble up sensuality and sexuality through having an increasingly flirtatious social. Then, instead of "turning sexual" things just naturally flow from one thing to another "

I do cringe inside when I'm chatting with someone or a couple and someone pipes up with "shall we play now?". I prefer to escalate things gradually. Having a laugh and joke (aka banter), a few drinks, flirting, touching, a light slap on the shoulder or arse, raising the sexual tension, maybe the lady crosses her leg over mine, cuddling, kissing, a light caress here and there...

Then before you know it, it becomes obvious that the talking should stop and the play should begin! Obviously it doesn't always play out the same way every time but with practice, the transition will become seamless...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah it's happened to me a few times. Not recently. But its happened when I've felt expected to do something I don't want to do. Either because its something I will never feel comfortable doing, or because it's something I wasn't ready to do and felt out of my depth. So I would suspect, if you freeze when you are about to play with someone, then you either don't want it with that person, or you are not ready for play with that person or maybe anybody, or maybe that swinging is not something you want to do at all. Work out why you froze before you work out how to overcome.

Mrs

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