FabSwingers.com forum: How to approach the subject of swinging with a potential boyfriend

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have been immersed in the totally fun world of swinging for almost a year now. I've had great fun but deep down I've been longing for a boyfriend of my own. I'd love to carry on and introduce this man to what I think is lots of fun but I'm not sure what his reaction would be?!?

Had anyone ever found themselves in this position and if so how did you approach things??

Many thanks for any advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been immersed in the totally fun world of swinging for almost a year now. I've had great fun but deep down I've been longing for a boyfriend of my own. I'd love to carry on and introduce this man to what I think is lots of fun but I'm not sure what his reaction would be?!?

Had anyone ever found themselves in this position and if so how did you approach things??

Many thanks for any advice

Why not look on fab for someone belive it or not we are out there

I know id love a swinging relationship

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Had anyone ever found themselves in this position and if so how did you approach things??

Many thanks for any advice

Why not look on fab for someone belive it or not we are out there

I know id love a swinging relationship"

Been there. Tried that. Everyone just tells you what you want to hear on here. Can't trust anyone as far as I could throw them. I've wasted enough time looking on here lol

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

Do you already have this boyfriend? If so, mention that you'd like to bring another female into the bed and see how fast he rips your arm off

If you don't already have a relationship, hold off on bringing it up until you feel settled with him. Otherwise you may find the same 'tell you what you want to hear' issue if they see you as an easy-in to a three-foursome.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had anyone ever found themselves in this position and if so how did you approach things??

Many thanks for any advice

Why not look on fab for someone belive it or not we are out there

I know id love a swinging relationship

Been there. Tried that. Everyone just tells you what you want to hear on here. Can't trust anyone as far as I could throw them. I've wasted enough time looking on here lol

Fair enough then

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do you already have this boyfriend? If so, mention that you'd like to bring another female into the bed and see how fast he rips your arm off

Not actually together yet but we do have history. He can be quite private so not sure he'd have the bottle to actually swing.......sometimes though it's the quiet one who are the worst ha ha

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By *attPaulaCouple
over a year ago

Blackpool

Depends how serious you are about the guy. The revelation of your interest might send him running depending on what his expectations are. There will also be the associated questions of what you have done up to now. Outside the fab and swinging world generally men after a serious relationship prefer the purity fantasy to the stripper fantasy.

As you have discovered, the Fabswingers world and outside 'real' world are poles apart.

If the 'right man' comes along, be prepared to consider giving this up.

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By *ibertine_LifestyleCouple
over a year ago

Sheerness

I met my bf on another site, aimed more at friends with benefits than swinging and I introduced the subject by putting on ffm / swinger porn and asking if he would like to try it...always easier to talk about if they are already horny lol. We started by going to swinger clubs and have since played at home with couples. It's not something we do all the time as it is just an extension of our sex life, but we enjoy it together now and still have an amazing relationship xx

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By *llaboutthecockCouple
over a year ago

Bromley

Had anyone ever found themselves in this position and if so how did you approach things??

Many thanks for any advice

It's simple watch porn together and talk take it slowly and let things develop

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is honesty the best policy?

I've found that talking about it straight away (the first conversation) makes it clear to a person that its important to you, and isn't something you're likely to stop doing. We can be so scared about being rejected right? But if we need to 'omit' something to connect with someone, then ultimately that will lead to tension, and later it is far more likely they will consider it something you should have mentioned.

Of course if you're willing to give this up, then there's no particular reason (other than for sexual health disclosure) to mention it.. per se.

I've not had a bad reaction from anyone -- lots of ignorance, but not a bad reaction.. and perhaps in the near future, might even have a partner in crime as a result.. Good luck in your decision!

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By *angbang junkieCouple
over a year ago

Ilkeston

We were on date number 2 when we both tried to come clean about swinging to each other. Most seem to be quiet open to it.

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

[Removed by poster at 15/05/17 11:51:29]

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

I understand what you are talking about , especially because you are a beautiful lady with a great body but this is very difficult to break to a guy who is a non swinger, he could flip.

I know there are single guys who are honest and hardworking on here who will make a great boyfriend and probably more , and are looking for a single swinger girl like you.So when you meet a guy you like on the scene break it to him and tell him this is where you stand and this is what you want, plus you dont want no lies or any crap like that, he should be a man about it and step to you correctly , this is who you are and you are comfortable and happy being you.Am sure you would find an amazing guy and even be suprised at the quality of guy you will get.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there. Tried that. Everyone just tells you what you want to hear on here. Can't trust anyone as far as I could throw them. I've wasted enough time looking on here lol

Depends if you want to date a swinger, or create one.

Creating one means you know they like the idea of being with you first, and then you add the rest but you could end up finding someone who doesn't want this and waste time.

Some singles on here also just want to fuck about until they find "the one" and don't like the idea of sharing. In these cases I have no idea why they've chosen a swingers site, other than the fact that there is obviously a higher chance of casual sex and they're willing to play with someone elses partner. I wish these people were honest about this in profiles though, but they're often not. Claiming to be into the lifestyle for selfish reasons is just plain wrong.

You shouldn't judge all single men based on your own experience, as there could be a lot of great guys your ignoring due to some other assholes.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

I (the male) could not be in a relationship with someone who wanted monogamy. I suspect there are quite a few men like me. If you put on your profile here that you are looking for a relationship. I think there will be plenty of candidates.

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

I am so happy the men are telling you how they feel most ladies feel when you tell guys you are a single swinger and you want a relationship they will run , this is not true, just tell them this who you are and this is what you are about and what you want, if you like bbc tell them, if they like you they will accept you just the way you are , I will not mind dating a single swinger my only clause is she has to be hardworking. I have found there is no point being sad and hidding the way you feel, it is better to get a successful partner who accepts you the way you are and trust me their are plenty successful men who will have you the way you are.

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By *andomfodCouple
over a year ago

walsall

Maybe when you are in the mood, ask him his fantasies. See if he has any interest in group or swing sessions. If it happens to match, you can pursue it from there.

You say you have a history, does he know about this side of you at all?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for the replies. My profile said that I was looking for a swinging relationship of my own for ages but no candidates I was attracted to came forward. The ones I did like ended up coming out with things like 'nah, I wouldn't want my bird getting fucked by other men' despite my profile saying what I was looking for. I am only meeting in clubs now. My trust has been shat on once too often by the men I've encountered.

I really like this lad, we have a complicated past but seem to be on the same page now. The difference is I've been swinging and he has no idea. I'm worried that he may well run for the hills and I'm not sure I can trust him to keep my confidence if I tell him and he doesn't agree with it.

We have a kid together so I want this to work but just not sure what his reaction would be

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By *attPaulaCouple
over a year ago

Blackpool

Be prepared for him to run.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

When I met Paul he had been swinging for years. He was totally open about it and I was intrigued. I wanted to experience it for myself and we spent months talking it all through to ensure that I was doing it for the right reasons (i.e. Not doing it to make Paul happy) and we took it slowly from there. Now 2 years have passed and I've absolutely no regrets and love that we have this element to our relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had anyone ever found themselves in this position and if so how did you approach things??

Many thanks for any advice

Why not look on fab for someone belive it or not we are out there

I know id love a swinging relationship

Been there. Tried that. Everyone just tells you what you want to hear on here. Can't trust anyone as far as I could throw them. I've wasted enough time looking on here lol

"
off here is no different I am afraid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had anyone ever found themselves in this position and if so how did you approach things??

Many thanks for any advice

You're gonna struggle to be honest. Swinging aside, there's looks, physical attraction, personality, social standing etc, to meet your requirements and your prospective partners too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had anyone ever found themselves in this position and if so how did you approach things??

Many thanks for any advice

Why not look on fab for someone belive it or not we are out there

I know id love a swinging relationship

Been there. Tried that. Everyone just tells you what you want to hear on here. Can't trust anyone as far as I could throw them. I've wasted enough time looking on here lol

Haha very very true!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is he likely to be discreet when you tell him? Or will he be disgusted and 'out' you?

I've found that men outside swinging want 'nice girls' so I'd never tell about this side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP - I've been thinking about a similar situation and decided

Do not compromise

in that I know what / who I'm looking for and won't accept anything less. In the short term it means loneliness but I'll never be in a relationship like my last that is toxic as you are not YOURSELF.

P.S. I met a girl off here a few years ago and it showed me exactly what to look for in a potential partner - it was uncanny. Although it couldn't go anywhere she opened the door in a darkened room.

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By *wingtolifeCouple
over a year ago

who knows

talk about fantasies, watch eyes wide shut together, find his kinky side, start doing, teasing outside.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had anyone ever found themselves in this position and if so how did you approach things??

Many thanks for any advice

I actually meet my husband on a swinging site, although he has since gone off the boil sexually I haven't. he is very happy for me to continue although we did have a 7 yr break.

I came back 3 yrs ago and haven't looked back and 2 yrs ago I met another wonderful man on here, who I connected with straight away. Things are a little messy with us though and i can foresee the heartache and tears but for the love of god I can't give him up. So am just gonna continue to pod on as we are until it all comes crashing down around me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if you meet a potential friend it would be good to tell him straight off, as the longer you get into a relationship the harder it will be to tell him,

lots of guys would be pleased that you swing but obviously not all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First off, be honest with your new boyfriend. Make it clear that you're more than a handful in bed, and you like things on the kinkier side of things. If he's not confident nor comfortable with that in a 1 on 1 scenario with you, you can forget about introducing him to swinging.

Secondly, porn is a godsend. Watch group sex or MMF/MFF videos together. Slowly work it into your foreplay and mindfuck routine with him, condition him to be turned on by the idea if he's open to it. From there on it's just a matter of time before curiosity will naturally finish the job for you and he'll ask you how it actually is like in reality.

Then... have fun!

#realestadvicegiven

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

By all means test the water but there's a real risk he will do one and disappear.

As mentioned previously, outside of the 'swinging world' men want seriously relationships with nice girls. For most men your presence here does not put you in that category.

Yes it is a double standard.

Also, most men on here selling you the 'empowerment' and you go girl lines just want sex anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"By all means test the water but there's a real risk he will do one and disappear.

As mentioned previously, outside of the 'swinging world' men want seriously relationships with nice girls. For most men your presence here does not put you in that category.

Yes it is a double standard.

Also, most men on here selling you the 'empowerment' and you go girl lines just want sex anyway. "

The fact that sites like A.M. which actively act as a medium to connect cheating men and women together for their trysts seriously disproves your assertion that men in the real world want serious relationships with nice girls. Because if that's what they truly want then why the urge to play outside of the box?

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

Had anyone ever found themselves in this position and if so how did you approach things??

Many thanks for any advice

We think you are putting the cart before the horse.

You enjoy the swinger scene but at present you are single and looking for a boyfriend.

How do you know you will want to share him with other when you do find him?

We suggest taking things one step at a time, find your boyfriend establish your relationship then if you still want to swing with him mention it to him.

To be successful in your relationship you will have to talk to your boyfriend and make such decisions as a couple, it cannot be one sided or the relationship will not last.

You might find someone on here who enjoys swinging and would love to be your friend and lover but would not even consider marriage to someone who swings.

You could even surprise yourself and find you insist that you both gave up swinging to take your relationship to a further level

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By *hell and jWoman
over a year ago

Worksop

Id say be honest from the start xx he might surprise you xx trust and honesty is best

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

When it comes to guys, non swingers and swingers are not the same, guys who are genuine swingers have been reprogrammed in the way they think when it comes to sex in a relationship.So telling a non swinger about swinging will make him run.

You have to reprogram him first ,you will need one of your female swinger friends, a beautiful girl, let him watch porn and taste her and see both of you don't mind, then take him to a nice club and let him watch, after some months when his reprogramming is complete, break it to him.

The same with normal ladies and ladies who are genuine swingers.

I have met a lot of ladies but the most beautiful ones are swingers ,they can cook very well , their dressing is amazing, they are extremely neat, they are successful and lucky is the guy they agree to marry.

Never say never, if you are a quality girl you will find an amazing guy on the scene, great guys are joining everday, don't walk with your eyes closed, make sure you are a reflection of what you are looking for and you will find him if you decide your current boyfriend is too difficult to reprogram.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Im in this boat just now. Ivr met the nicest guy and i just came out and told him i was going to the Leeds social. He's since thought about it and would like to attend a social at first to see 'the type of people' etc. But youre right.. the swinging world is fun and addictive once youre emerged.

It really is a 50/50 he will either be intrigued or disgusted... its just the type of person he is... but if you cant be honest what kinda relationship is it gonna be?

One pointer from above though... do NOT try entice him in with promises of mff. You're making a promise about the rocking horse shit... if his mff doesnt surface he might not be interested in trying the other stuff (socials, full swaps etc) xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone. Some hood advice there. Will see what happens in the coming weeks and maybe test the waters........

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Certainly mmf porn and the comment of 'that looks like their having fun!' might give you an indication of what he thinks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks everyone. Some hood advice there. Will see what happens in the coming weeks and maybe test the waters........

I'm on the hunt for a new woman in my life n I'm more bothered about someone who is honest and upfront about what they want more than telling me what they think o want to hear

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By *axandbooCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

When i asked dax about his sexual past all he said was "lets just say its been adventurous".. We then dicsussed fantasies and one of mine was two men, we set up a profile and discussed certain things...then he arranged it, flooded my phone with all sorts of pics of men, i chose and the rest is history

Find his fantasies and introduce him that way to it

Boo x

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By *axandbooCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Considering 99% of men want FFM and your bisexual, id lead in with that and tempt him into the darkside

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One pointer from above though... do NOT try entice him in with promises of mff. You're making a promise about the rocking horse shit... if his mff doesnt surface he might not be interested in trying the other stuff (socials, full swaps etc) xx"

Ahh but you're forgetting the arc most Fab guys go on from "only interested in watching girl on girl" to "why is it so difficult to get girl on girl?" to "would be willing to meet any woman any age" before moving on to "now open to meeting couples" before finally settling on "I think I'm bi so if it'll help me get any action on this site I'm happy for a guy to do me"

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Yeah as I said you are not promising ffm , you are making it happen, plus you are not talking to him about it, you are showing action.

Action always speaks louder than words, once he sees you handled it and your female swinger girlfriend was not emotionally drawn to him, just great sex , he will get the message, so in future when that script is flipped he will understand that you are also just having fun too and there is no emotional attachment to the guys you swing with, just sex. This is if you want to turn out a guy who is a non swinger to a swinger. This is a quick way.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Easier said than done though isnt it. The old mff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well me maz met k on a dating site i was totally honest i have been envolved in swinging next thing i no i get a link to a fab profile now married and little bambino on the way just be open and if they cant handle that then not the one for you as its hard for one person in the relationship to be in to the lifestyle and the other not just my opinion maz x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lou and I met through fabswingers 3 years later we have a son and just got married. As much as there are guys who will tell you what you want to hear, there are also plenty who are looking for the same as you. One thing with love is you never know where it will come from. The other thing is like others have said swapping is easier when you don't have feelings for someone, put love in there and you might not want to swap

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

thats what we say sex is fun thats it when its you and your wife partner thats making love u have to no the difference

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

I'd say, from experience, that relationships happen when you least expect them to rather than when you're looking for them. I've had several Swinging relationships although I look for a different dynamic than you are. I share them with other women but they don't share me with other men.

My advice would be to approach with caution, telling the father of your child about your swinging lifestyle. If he reacts negatively, then is that information you want him to have?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be up front with any potential people.

I (Mr) put it on my POF profile and Mrs noticed it and we hit it off like that... 3 years ago!

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