FabSwingers.com forum: Female dom advice sought

By *enaxxx OP Woman
over a year ago

wirral

Hi Guys, hoping someone can help me out. I have a long standing and sporadic chat only thing g going with a guy. He is in a relationship. But seems to want to explore his sub side, and has decided that I am his mistress. This has taken the form of him sending me gifts, lingerie and shoes, with nothing in return other than the knowledge I wear them for other men/women.

He now wants to meet in person to take me shopping. I'm just not quite sure a. Whether to b. If I do, how to play it.

Other than running a slave desk many moons ago at a friends fet club night, I have little bdsm experience.

Do I meet? And if so, do I play a very dom role, or myself?

Doesn't seem right to ask him what he wants in advance as presumably if he wants total dom then I wouldn't be asking him??

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Doesn't sound like you are calling the shots if he is telling you what to do

He already has your address for gifts so could easily turn up at your house if he wanted so him taking you shopping is hardly pushing any limits.

If you are worried about stepping into a physical D/S relationship with him having a wife, then tell him so. Just be ready for him saying he's ready to divorce

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi Guys, hoping someone can help me out. I have a long standing and sporadic chat only thing g going with a guy. He is in a relationship. But seems to want to explore his sub side, and has decided that I am his mistress. This has taken the form of him sending me gifts, lingerie and shoes, with nothing in return other than the knowledge I wear them for other men/women.

He now wants to meet in person to take me shopping. I'm just not quite sure a. Whether to b. If I do, how to play it.

Other than running a slave desk many moons ago at a friends fet club night, I have little bdsm experience.

Do I meet? And if so, do I play a very dom role, or myself?

Doesn't seem right to ask him what he wants in advance as presumably if he wants total dom then I wouldn't be asking him??"

What do YOU want? Sounds like you're not keen on any of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly it's 'domme' for a female... Secondly I wouldn't bother meeting him as it's clearly not your thing. Put that effort into meeting for your own turn ons

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would be massively uncomfortable with the gifts, and would never have given an address for someone to be able to send them. To me that would be something I'd be less comfortable with than meeting in person.

However what strikes me more is that you say he has decided you're his mistress. It doesn't sound like you're especially happy about this. If that's the case you need to tell him, and maybe offer to send the gifts back. Go with your gut.

Personally if he's been sending that much and has a partner I'd be wondering how long it would take her to notice the expenditure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take one for the team... I need a new fridge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As mentioned it sounds like this guy is trying to push his submissive tendancies on you and you're going along with it but not really feeling the whole thing.

It's up to you really how you play it, if he's happy to buy you stuff with no obligation then go for it! I've met guys who get turned on by the idea of being completely used so it isn't a stretch to imagine he'd enjoy being taken for a ride. Just be responsible.

On the other hand if it makes you feel guilty and you don't enjoy the Domme/sub dynamic be straight with him. It's going to feel like putting on an act for you and he'll realise eventually.

With regards to how to act just be yourself. If you can affect a domme persona and do things to spice up the shopping trip for him that could be fun but don't be too cheesy or try too hard if it doesn't feel natural.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you are the domme then he should be auditioning to be your sub. In all relationships including d/s there needs to be connection, unless, you are acting as a pro domme. If you wish to be the pro domme he really should be auditioning to you and you laying down the rules of your pro domme style.

It sounds the case of the sub trying to impose on you.

I would probably wait until one of the dommes joins the thread they will be able to advise you better. Good luck.

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By *orks funMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Take one for the team... I need a new fridge

pmsl

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By *enaxxx OP Woman
over a year ago

wirral

Thanks to all for responding, as is obvious this is all a bit new to me, and I think to him too, the gifts he sent last year, I don't feel guilty about that. I didn't suggest or request, but appreciated the gifts and he seemed to get a massive kick out of buying for another woman.

But him starting to call me mistress makes me feel uncomfortable, as well as the requests to kick his balls ??

I'm blatantly out of my depth, Frank conversation needed methinks, cheers x

"As mentioned it sounds like this guy is trying to push his submissive tendancies on you and you're going along with it but not really feeling the whole thing.

On the other hand if it makes you feel guilty and you don't enjoy the Domme/sub dynamic be straight with him. It's going to feel like putting on an act for you and he'll realise eventually.

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