FabSwingers.com forum: Men in clubs ruining my fun and putting me on edge.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Went to Chams last night and it's my favourite club.

But I had to tell at least 5 guys not to touch me without asking. Why do they think it's ok to just touch?

It puts me on edge and makes me wary about playing.

Some guys are very respectful and stand back and wait to be invited and invariably they get to join in. Others ask and provided they are not 20 stone they can join in.

The ones that just touch and think they have god given right to put their hands on me get told to ask, they ask and then are told no

It's ruining going to club nights. Have some fucking respect.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I often think that club hosts should remind everyone, not just guys, of some of the social basics as they enter a club night.

I think not everyone "gets it" and if you cannot come up with strategies to get you involved that include verbal (or non verbal) requests to join in the fun then you're probably someone who doesn't get it (in more ways than one).

Clubbing alone involves negotiating your way through everyone's rules and they're all different!! It's not an easy shag by any stretch. I've watched men, women and couples crash and burn by getting it wrong... I may even have got it wrong once or twice myself

An invited touch may work sometimes don't forget, or it may get you ejected from the club. You just have to develop super sensory powers to understand every possible approach and outcome. And for your valiant efforts you may get rewarded by someone deigning to allow you to play with them.

It's a wonder anyone goes sometimes.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shove them away. Hard. Or grab their hand and hold it up. And then loudly inform them that what they just did is sexual assault - loud enough so that all the people around you can hear.

They will quickly either learn or be completely humiliated. And others will avoid them for the evening.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have no issue in loudly telling them but it pisses me off that they think they have a right to touch MY body without fucking asking.

I would never walk over to a man or woman and just touch, I would ask first.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"Ref chams ,

Maybe it's the same in all clubs ?? Guys just think your fair game if your in a club .

Anyone who thinks anyone is "fair game" in a club (or anywhere for that matter) clearly doesn't belong in a club and should their paths ever cross with mine they might quickly rethink their attitude.

V x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Went to Chams last night and it's my favourite club.

But I had to tell at least 5 guys not to touch me without asking. Why do they think it's ok to just touch?

It puts me on edge and makes me wary about playing.

Some guys are very respectful and stand back and wait to be invited and invariably they get to join in. Others ask and provided they are not 20 stone they can join in.

The ones that just touch and think they have god given right to put their hands on me get told to ask, they ask and then are told no

It's ruining going to club nights. Have some fucking respect. "

Unfortunately you have to point these few ignorant ones out to management so they can suspend there membership. ..that'll learn em xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Generally Chams are quick to sort this if informed.

You are always going to get people who will over step the accepted rules of a club.

It just shows a lack of respect for a woman .

I've experienced this with partners at clubs and you need to make it clear that you will not tolerate this , politely but firmly.

On behalf of all single men who go to clubs, let me apologise.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago

Wherever the party is!

"...

On behalf of all single men who go to clubs, let me apologise."

Are you fucking serious?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi all I am single and not been to a club yet but hope to soon,so is this how it works,you can walk around the club and watch and who ever is playing will signal you to join them,is this arrangement made early and is there not a line of guy's waiting and hoping for a invite

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

Ok on Saturday I was in a club and there was a nice woman sitting on bed watching her partner enjoy a lady. I sat close to her but not to close, I said if I am to close tell me to piss off and she said nahhh your fine. Yes I was wanking, watching her play shortly after I had sat down. We did have a bit of a giggle but I didn't touch her at any time, I got a decent reply to message and a nice veri

Another guy watching went to enter someone with no condom on, and got shouted at and quiet rightly so. Then had the cheek to touch someone else without asking. Let's say the second person shouted at him also

Looking back because I was a gent, didn't touch did give the option to the lady to tell me I was to close, and I never touched I got a decent response, the guy that didn't got shouted at twice and I believe was told by the owners for his misbevaour

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...

On behalf of all single men who go to clubs, let me apologise.

Are you fucking serious?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aughty_nymphWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I've had it happen in a few clubs to me.... and I was at chams a couple of weeks ago watching some people play and a single man just walked in and touched my friend... so I piped up and loudly told him to fuck off.

It's not on. Men like that think because it's a swingers club all women are game.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi all I am single and not been to a club yet but hope to soon,so is this how it works,you can walk around the club and watch and who ever is playing will signal you to join them,is this arrangement made early and is there not a line of guy's waiting and hoping for a invite

Generally wherever a woman goes there is a trail of men following and if play starts they will all hover hoping to get invited.

What would be better is if single guys engage in conversation (with both) and ask if they would like to play.

Do not ask the man if he can fuck the woman or you will get told fuck off and ask me its my body not his.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've had it happen in a few clubs to me.... and I was at chams a couple of weeks ago watching some people play and a single man just walked in and touched my friend... so I piped up and loudly told him to fuck off.

It's not on. Men like that think because it's a swingers club all women are game."

Perhaps we should have a word with staff at chams and ask them to have word reminding people of rules when they come in or put some signs up.

Do not touch without asking.

Pretty sad state of affairs tho that you have to tell someone something so bloody simple

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been touched 3 times by men without asking at a club and twice at a party. A swift no thanks was sufficient. Women on the other hand.....I have been touched by more women, without asking my permission, then men. And have gotten more grief from the woman/women by saying no thank you. Excuse the pun, but swings and roundabouts it seems. But no-one has the right to touch you without your permission, male or female. Dreamcatcher Xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing annoys me more than the behaviour of some men in clubs I've stopped going to a couple of clubs where the management do very little about the behaviour of single guys.

But there are clubs out there that operate a zero tolerance and have staff constantly walking around the club making sure everyone feels safe and comfortable

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not on. Men like that think because it's a swingers club all women are game.

Perhaps we should have a word with staff at chams and ask them to have word reminding people of rules when they come in or put some signs up.

Do not touch without asking.

Pretty sad state of affairs tho that you have to tell someone something so bloody simple"

Like Virginie said earlier, I think clubs should remind everyone of the rules when they enter the club. If it's happening more often the club should be made aware.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell them no straight away and speak to the staff as telling them to ask gives them the impression they got a chance

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not just guys who touch without asking

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Last club we visited a guy started rubbing Mrs's arse as she was on her knees, but she just turned and said no thank you, he said ok and that was that.

Sadly you will get people that think its ok to touch/grope without asking, its the nature of a lot of people these days sadly. If you say no and they continue, i would point them out to the staff and have it dealt with.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *atie ShayTV/TS
over a year ago

Took me ages to get my partner to come to a club with me, we went once and she won't go back again. All because of one lady who was buzzing around us all night, and wouldn't take no for an answer. Ended up touching where she wasn't welcome and it kicked off.

So its not just men unfortunately!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be fair ive had this problem at chams a few times and find removing hands normally works. Except when its a woman. I Still find that women touch without asking.. be it me or my partner way more than any men do.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hyGeekyMan
over a year ago

Audenshaw

I'm still working up the courage to get to a club but damn, it's common sense really, would never think of doing that :S

I hope I'm a model of courtesy when I manage to get to one!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not just guys who touch without asking

your quite right...wasn't in a club (i rarely go) but the one and only time i felt threatened in a sexual situation was by a woman, we were at a friends place and ended up getting a bit playfull but had no protection and at the time i didn't want to fuck because of it and she went mad, grabbing me, pushing herself onto me, or trying to.. i ended up pushing my way out of bed and going downstairs, if she'd followed me down that could well have been the first time i punched a woman i was that mad..i even did a thread on here as soon as it happened as i felt a bit weirded out by it but the mods closed it...it felt pretty raypey to be honest so woman can be just as rude and will try and force themselves on men too.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been to AbFabs a number of times and each time I go I always see at least 2 men get shouted down by women or there partner for just touching without asking.

I would never in gods earth go up and touch a women, playing or not, if I'm interested when they are playing I will stand around and watch. It never to close for comforts as I know for experience playing and having a group of guys cocks at my eye level when playing is very off putting, I would always make sure to very least ask if I can join in or if they aren't playing then ask them if they would like to play if they say no then simple walk away but i wouldn't just go ahead and touch

The single men that do this definitely give us a bad reputation

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't these places have doorstaff? Or is it just bar staff and 'management' knocking around.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?

I have never been to a club, the issues the above posters have experienced is just one of the reasons. I'm surprised not to read in the original post that the club management dealt with any issues of this sort. Yes I know a minority in life always spoil things for the masses, but in this environment it really shouldn't be allowed in any way.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ingsman1Man
over a year ago

northampton

I was at a club a few years ago with my then fb and this guy was going round touching the ladies without being given permission. Needless to say he came up to my friend and grabbed her by the arse quite hard and made a really Nasty remark. Let's just say he didn't remain in the club to long after that..

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's happened to us both

One guy grabbed Mrs without asking

One girl grabbed Mr without asking

Both at Xtasia

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless u tell the club, club staff etc how can they help?

If u think u have handled it enough so that the offender won't do it again, then fair enough. Most of the times I've seen someone tell the staff that person is asked to leave the club and not to come back. Dreamcatcher Xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nked_kittenWoman
over a year ago

Ankh Morpork

My first time in a club I had to tell two guys not to touch.

I also had to tell a few that I got to choose who if anyone I had sex with when a few guys made comments along the lines of they were entitled to me because they had paid entry and why should I sleep with another guy but not them.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tell them no straight away and speak to the staff as telling them to ask gives them the impression they got a chance "

Bloody good point !

But not all men are gentlemen

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"My first time in a club I had to tell two guys not to touch.

Seriously????

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a club virgin, but I'd thought most sensible people would wait to be invited in any situation. Fucking knob ends

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've been to three clubs. One we almost ran out of, not for us. Second was Paradise in Manchester. The owners couldn't have been more serious about touching being sexual assault.

Everyone was told on arrival that they have cctv in the bar, so if they touch anyone without permission, its on camera. They aim to make the woman be the centre, and feel relaxed and so all enjoy at their own comfort levels.

Liberties was the third club we went to and have to admit, again, the rules were very much pointed out on arrival and so I also felt very comfortable there. Didn't see one single issue that needed dealing with, was all good grown up adult fun.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

Well on Saturday, a woman spanked my arse without asking now I turned round luckily it wasn't hard and I didn't know her. I did say please ask, she said can I spank you, I said no, and she went off in a huff

First off all she hadn't asked, she wasn't that nice looking, and also she thought that I would let anyone spank my arse unmmmm no

I agree women can be as bad as men

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ister-mischiefMan
over a year ago

Trafford

Should have grabbed and twisted there bollocks, disrespectful idiots

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never touch a woman without asking. Or I see if she'd like to touch me and take it from there...

Mind you, I doubt any of the ladies on here would touch me with a bargepole! It's different in real social situations or clubs and usually occurs when women see what I am really like...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *axandbooCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Been to a few ubs where its felt like ive been a piece of meat witg men either getting to close (if that makes sense) or as im playing think it's ok to treat as in a grope box.

Thankfully dax is there to have my back.

As for grabbing someone and shouting....not all ladies have the courage to do that and we shouldnt have to do it.

Dax has had to get indirectly forceful with men from time to time as some do see it as a god given right to maul.

Dont let those men ruin your night, its understandable why most single ladies take a fwb just to cover their backs

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Shove them away. Hard. Or grab their hand and hold it up. And then loudly inform them that what they just did is sexual assault - loud enough so that all the people around you can hear.

They will quickly either learn or be completely humiliated. And others will avoid them for the evening."

Love it !!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It happens. The best way to deal with it is to stare him in the face and tell him in a firm tone to keep his hands to himself. It always works.

Eve

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately the younger guys don't kno how to behave in a club and think that just because that have paid to enter that all ladies can be uses to how they like.. it should be explained to them as they enter the club that this is not the case..

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot."

comments like this don't help either, what shall we say that all men grope and invade people's space when clearly not all men do, and that all women want to grab our cocks without asking

Realistically that's not the case, I think we have all seen situations where members of both sexes have broken the line between what is acceptable and what is not.

If my post that shows the difference between what is acceptable and changes one person mindset then it is important

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even if myself and my OH are playing with a couple, girl, guy etc we always ask if we can kiss or touch. We have even been called 'The Most Polite Couple'

Nothing wrong with taking a second to make sure all is well.

Would rather have that then anyone feeling uncomfortable by something myself or my OH did. Dreamcatcher Xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot.

comments like this don't help either, what shall we say that all men grope and invade people's space when clearly not all men do, and that all women want to grab our cocks without asking

Realistically that's not the case, I think we have all seen situations where members of both sexes have broken the line between what is acceptable and what is not.

If my post that shows the difference between what is acceptable and changes one person mindset then it is important "

Well said. Xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

"Even if myself and my OH are playing with a couple, girl, guy etc we always ask if we can kiss or touch. We have even been called 'The Most Polite Couple'

Nothing wrong with taking a second to make sure all is well.

Would rather have that then anyone feeling uncomfortable by something myself or my OH did. Dreamcatcher Xx "

Someone asked to snog me on Saturday and I was actually so surprised that she asked I was actually in shock. But in my eyes I have made a note that it was such a polite thing to do.

Being polite goes a long way

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *atie ShayTV/TS
over a year ago

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.9

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot."

I also read that Facebook post!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Even if myself and my OH are playing with a couple, girl, guy etc we always ask if we can kiss or touch. We have even been called 'The Most Polite Couple'

Nothing wrong with taking a second to make sure all is well.

Would rather have that then anyone feeling uncomfortable by something myself or my OH did. Dreamcatcher Xx

Someone asked to snog me on Saturday and I was actually so surprised that she asked I was actually in shock. But in my eyes I have made a note that it was such a polite thing to do.

Being polite goes a long way "

Exactly. Politeness is a big thing for myself and my OH. Especially in a guy. Manners cost nothing. Lol. Dreamcatcher Xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Chudleigh

Generally wherever a woman goes there is a trail of men following and if play starts they will all hover hoping to get invited.

What would be better is if single guys engage in conversation (with both) and ask if they would like to play.

Do not ask the man if he can fuck the woman or you will get told fuck off and ask me its my body not his. "

Totally agree with these points. Simple conversation, a cheeky smile and talking to both of us raises your chance of play 1000% more than being arrogant, treating me like I'm owned or just going to go with the first cock I see...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no issue politely telling people to 1. Take their unwanted hands off me or 2. Fuck off, very very loudly. However it ruins the night and tbh it just gets to a point where you think why do I bother with this shit?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

"I have no issue politely telling people to 1. Take their unwanted hands off me or 2. Fuck off, very very loudly. However it ruins the night and tbh it just gets to a point where you think why do I bother with this shit?"

Saying that I flicked 2 fingers at a woman that was saying things about me on Saturday night

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rcticFoxxxWoman
over a year ago

Hereabouts

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot."

Do you ever have anything positive or constructive to say or do you always just moan about everything that doesn't line up with your opinion?

You just come across as sour. I don't think I've ever seen you say a nice word to anyone.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot.

Do you ever have anything positive or constructive to say or do you always just moan about everything that doesn't line up with your opinion?

You just come across as sour. I don't think I've ever seen you say a nice word to anyone. "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot."

Ok we get it. You hate men. You think men are awful. Change the record

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot.

Do you ever have anything positive or constructive to say or do you always just moan about everything that doesn't line up with your opinion?

You just come across as sour. I don't think I've ever seen you say a nice word to anyone. "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot.

Do you ever have anything positive or constructive to say or do you always just moan about everything that doesn't line up with your opinion?

You just come across as sour. I don't think I've ever seen you say a nice word to anyone. "

someone had to give i suppose.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gosh...awkward

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well lets all agree that the majority of men ARE polite and DO NOT touch uninvited.

Those that DO need a shift lesson taught and the club/party needs to be told about it so they can deal with it in a discreet, professional manner. Dreamcatcher Xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *exatooCouple
over a year ago

Bournemouth/ Fuerteventura

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot.

Do you ever have anything positive or constructive to say or do you always just moan about everything that doesn't line up with your opinion?

You just come across as sour. I don't think I've ever seen you say a nice word to anyone. "

(Mrs)

completely agree, very well said. Such a shame that people talk this way to others. Completely unwarranted and unnecessary. Reminds me of being in the playground

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot.

comments like this don't help either, what shall we say that all men grope and invade people's space when clearly not all men do, and that all women want to grab our cocks without asking

Realistically that's not the case, I think we have all seen situations where members of both sexes have broken the line between what is acceptable and what is not.

If my post that shows the difference between what is acceptable and changes one person mindset then it is important "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nked_kittenWoman
over a year ago

Ankh Morpork

"My first time in a club I had to tell two guys not to touch.

Seriously???? "

Yep. There was a huge lack of girls that night and when trying to leave we kept getting stopped and a few guys were a bit rude about us going.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *amina T-girlTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

Omg you read my mind x the amount of times it's happened to me x absolutely hate it x some men don't take no for an answer and keep trying till the point I actually had to run away x puts me off going x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we ever have issues it's only ever in the hot tub at kestrels. Anywhere else in the club the guys (and girls) are fine. As soon as you get nekkid and jump in the tub it turns into open season. As their hands are underwater, and not visible, it's easy enough to remove them and that's the end of the issue.

Last time we went though, the guy sitting next to me did it twice so I grabbed his pinky and bent it right back. I know that bloody hurt him. I didn't want to create a huge scene and ruin a chilled, chatty vibe amongst the other hot tub users.

He left immediately and left the club and no one else in the tub was any wiser.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The realities of going to clubs

Once in play areas most people male/female/couples will avoid eye contact & not communicate with others, it's a minefield! If everyone could just start to think maybe I should express what I want to get out of the situation, yes I want to be touched by him/her/them, or I don't, conversely can I touch you? Play with you? Watch you etc etc

For Gods sake why don't people just communicate, there is no excuse for people to touch without permission, just bloody well communicate......

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot."

I don't necessarily agree with all of this post but I'm taking it a slightly different way. I'm reading this that it's very easy to make the point that not all people in clubs are like this but it doesn't help. How many people have ever stepped in when they've seen it happening and backed up the person saying No? I know most times we've been playing in clubs a least one guy has touched without permission, sometimes in far more objectionable ways than others. But not one have I heard any of the other guys speak up and say Hey, you shouldn't be doing that. I'm saying guys as that's our experience but it works all ways. If it's only the person the receiving end speaking up it's too easy for the culprit to label them and think it's just that person who has the problem with their behaviour.

Just an alternative view.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not just guys who touch without asking

Do you ever complain when that happens?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread has totally cemented my belief that clubs aren't for me.. I'd rather not be put in with a pack making a nuisance of themselves in the hope of getting somewhere

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Went to Chams last night and it's my favourite club.

But I had to tell at least 5 guys not to touch me without asking. Why do they think it's ok to just touch?

It puts me on edge and makes me wary about playing.

Some guys are very respectful and stand back and wait to be invited and invariably they get to join in. Others ask and provided they are not 20 stone they can join in.

The ones that just touch and think they have god given right to put their hands on me get told to ask, they ask and then are told no

It's ruining going to club nights. Have some fucking respect. "

If this is happening, they shouldn't be allowed in. Point them out to staff, and let them keep an eye out for this. It's tits like this that ruin the experience for respectful guys.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

"This thread has totally cemented my belief that clubs aren't for me.. I'd rather not be put in with a pack making a nuisance of themselves in the hope of getting somewhere"

Only been to two clubs and never seen it myself, But I have always preferred to watch and one on one anyway

I've always been weary of the group type of situation, Reading some of these post has put me right off,

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entadreadMan
over a year ago

Essex

"Generally Chams are quick to sort this if informed.

You are always going to get people who will over step the accepted rules of a club.

It just shows a lack of respect for a woman .

I've experienced this with partners at clubs and you need to make it clear that you will not tolerate this , politely but firmly.

On behalf of all single men who go to clubs, let me apologise."

How sure are you these are single guys? why can't it be the male half of a couple that is doing it? This I really don't understand, a lone guy is not necessarily single.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"My first time in a club I had to tell two guys not to touch.

Seriously????

Yep. There was a huge lack of girls that night and when trying to leave we kept getting stopped and a few guys were a bit rude about us going. "

Last time i went we ended up with four guys following us everywhere a bit off putting

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"Went to Chams last night and it's my favourite club.

But I had to tell at least 5 guys not to touch me without asking. Why do they think it's ok to just touch?

It puts me on edge and makes me wary about playing.

Some guys are very respectful and stand back and wait to be invited and invariably they get to join in. Others ask and provided they are not 20 stone they can join in.

The ones that just touch and think they have god given right to put their hands on me get told to ask, they ask and then are told no

It's ruining going to club nights. Have some fucking respect. "

This is one of the reasons that I stopped a while ago going to clubs, when it happens it usually spoilt the whole night.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just get fat and ugly like me (Mr), then nobody wants to touch lol

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

It's not just Chams and not just single guys as other posters have said. I've actually complimented a young guy at Abfab tonight on his behaviour. I've seen him a number of times and have always beeen struck by his politeness and not being pushy. Some days the behaviour is so bad it really stands out but it shouldn't be like that!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reykiwi500Man
over a year ago

London

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot.

comments like this don't help either, what shall we say that all men grope and invade people's space when clearly not all men do, and that all women want to grab our cocks without asking

Realistically that's not the case, I think we have all seen situations where members of both sexes have broken the line between what is acceptable and what is not.

If my post that shows the difference between what is acceptable and changes one person mindset then it is important "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reykiwi500Man
over a year ago

London

"It's not just Chams and not just single guys as other posters have said. I've actually complimented a young guy at Abfab tonight on his behaviour. I've seen him a number of times and have always beeen struck by his politeness and not being pushy. Some days the behaviour is so bad it really stands out but it shouldn't be like that! "

Good on you for complimenting him. I know everyone should be polite as a matter of course, but it's nice to get positive feedback - especially for a young guy. You probably made his evening!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...

On behalf of all single men who go to clubs, let me apologise.

Are you fucking serious?

From experience, it works both ways... I've had unwanted contact from a female....

It's wrong in any variation

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reykiwi500Man
over a year ago

London

"Well lets all agree that the majority of men ARE polite and DO NOT touch uninvited.

Those that DO need a shift lesson taught and the club/party needs to be told about it so they can deal with it in a discreet, professional manner. Dreamcatcher Xx "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd never go to a club.. bunch of old men wanking and the odd lady getting shafted. Rather go the pub

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

"To be fair ive had this problem at chams a few times and find removing hands normally works. Except when its a woman. I Still find that women touch without asking.. be it me or my partner way more than any men do. "

This!

My partner and I went to a club we've been to several times a couple of weeks ago, I was wearing my kilt (as was coming back from a nearby vanilla function) and had not even got changed yet when a woman I did not know goes "ooh, lets see whats under here then" and shoved her hands under my kilt.

Before I had even reacted, my partner sternly told her "Get your hands off - you wouldn't like it if a guy did that to you!". She slunk away with a weird look on her face muttering something.

To me, her reaction said it all:she didn't understand that it should not be a double standard: no one (male or female) is entitled to paw another person, and "no means no" works both ways.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *BW SnowbunnyWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere over the Rainbow

My rules now are. They are told twice No. third time they are told I will break their nose, they soon back off. Sadly even if you do tell staff often nothing is done. It all depends on the member of staff. That saying a couple of us spoke to a female staff member last week about a guy who thought it was acceptable to stand next to our table, smile and wank. She tore him to shreds, told him it was unacceptable behaviour and if he carried on he would be told to leave. It's not even a particular age group that do it

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot."

Wait a minute.. so the guys that do know how to behave and state it are idiots,..and so are the men that don't know how to behave.

So essentially, all men are idiots whether they know how to behave or not. Except for the ones that do know how to behave, so long as they don't post on the forum about it.

We might as well close the forums - seeing as the opinions of neither those that do or don't know how to behave are essentially irrelevant then.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many guys think that any woman on fab is gagging for sex and therefore they feel justified in groping her. I have came across this many times in clubs, the latest being a guy in the hot tub who started to stroke.my.leg under the water - fab is full of desperados

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Newbury

"Many guys think that any woman on fab is gagging for sex and therefore they feel justified in groping her. I have came across this many times in clubs, the latest being a guy in the hot tub who started to stroke.my.leg under the water - fab is full of desperados"

For balance - It's not just men, I've had more than one occasion where a woman wil not be told that I have no interst in her whatsoever.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For balance - It's not just men, I've had more than one occasion where a woman wil not be told that I have no interst in her whatsoever. "

Totally agree, different reasons, but same outcome

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ebedee2009Man
over a year ago

South Croydon

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot.

Wait a minute.. so the guys that do know how to behave and state it are idiots,..and so are the men that don't know how to behave.

So essentially, all men are idiots whether they know how to behave or not. Except for the ones that do know how to behave, so long as they don't post on the forum about it.

We might as well close the forums - seeing as the opinions of neither those that do or don't know how to behave are essentially irrelevant then."

At a distance of approx 100 miles, all my dairy products have spontaneously gone sour. However, as a glass half full type , I needed some sour cream for a recipe...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

Good on you for complimenting him. I know everyone should be polite as a matter of course, but it's nice to get positive feedback - especially for a young guy. You probably made his evening!"

I think I did and I'm glad. If you're happy to complain at guys you should also be willing to compliment

And on the flip side I told a woman off at Quest last Friday who approached a friend from behind and reached round to her pussy. I asked my friend if she knew her as it was very friendly behaviour but she didn't so I told her not to touch without asking. She didn't like it and was quite aggressive. Sorry it works all ways with consent.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First ever club visit, went to the bar to get a drink, felt hands on my ass. Instantly I go "DONT touch my ass!" pretty much everyone heard and the guy backed off straightaway

(female half)

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Shove them away. Hard. Or grab their hand and hold it up. And then loudly inform them that what they just did is sexual assault - loud enough so that all the people around you can hear.

They will quickly either learn or be completely humiliated. And others will avoid them for the evening."

This is something I would do!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Sometimes you do need hyper sensitivity, to sense when an extra person may have started touching you - I think some creeps wait until you're fairly heavily engaged into something, before they slip their skin to skin. Others will catch you whilst walking past in a tightly fitting space. One bloke got funny because I bent his fingers away but there were no broken bones

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reykiwi500Man
over a year ago

London

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot.

Wait a minute.. so the guys that do know how to behave and state it are idiots,..and so are the men that don't know how to behave.

So essentially, all men are idiots whether they know how to behave or not. Except for the ones that do know how to behave, so long as they don't post on the forum about it.

We might as well close the forums - seeing as the opinions of neither those that do or don't know how to behave are essentially irrelevant then.

At a distance of approx 100 miles, all my dairy products have spontaneously gone sour. However, as a glass half full type , I needed some sour cream for a recipe..."

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Many women think that any man on fab is gagging for sex and therefore they feel justified in groping him. I have came across this many times in clubs, the latest being a girl in the hot tub who started to stroke.my.leg under the water - fab is full of desperados"

interchangeable see

i'm absoulutely no dubt many a woman has had a bit of a feel of some man's leg, bum, crotch, chest or whatever in the hottub or at a party or wherever

it best works like this i find.

Many people think that any other person on fab is gagging for sex and therefore they feel justified in groping them. I have came across this many times in clubs, the latest being a person in the hot tub who started to stroke.my.leg under the water - fab is full of desperados.

all depends on your viewpoint i guess.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Ok stop being personal about another user

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love the internet...one person airs an opinion then everyone has a go at them. My mam said to me many years ago "Opinions are like arseholes. Everybody has one, but nobody likes them!". Certainly rings true most of the time.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *weetChariotMan
over a year ago

High Wycombe

Of the 20x I've been to Kestrels I've had one touch my fwb uninvited, one beg at the locked door of a shed and one follow us all over the venue trying to join in every time we stopped (pool,meadow, hot tub, shed, dungeon) ... The latter two I reported and they quickly left.

My fwb (female) tells me it goes on in vanilla world, e.g. Tube, lifts, buses, escalators, etc.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never been to swinger's clubs, isn't there some sort of code of etiquette explained to patrons before they're granted admittance?

What you describe sounds like common sense really. Perhaps they assume it's a free for all if no code of conduct is expressly laid down?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

This is an interesting comment and actually one I want to investigate not in a bad way but kind of explore what I sometimes see as the greyness area

If I was I a hot tub and a women stroked my leg, but we were talking and chatting, I would take it as a sign she was Intreasted. If I didn't like her I had the opertunity to move her hand away discreetly. Now if we hadn't chatted and she done that I would feel a little invaded.

For me if I was chatting to a lady in hot tub and being engaging, and I could sense that I was getting a flirty I might touch leg and rest it but give the lady the opertunity to move my hand away if she wished

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Unfortunately the younger guys don't kno how to behave in a club and think that just because that have paid to enter that all ladies can be uses to how they like.. it should be explained to them as they enter the club that this is not the case.. "

In my experience it's been older guys guilty of this. If not touching also just been way too close.

It detracts from a horny situation when you feel like an unpaid whore

Also had a couple this year box me in at Chams cinema room when Sir had moved a couple of steps up. It's the expectation that you're fair game without even a hello. I was outta there

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...

On behalf of all single men who go to clubs, let me apologise.

Are you fucking serious?

I agree, absolute plopper. Just don't be a cunt... it's simple

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is the one reason why I've been avoiding clubs ....... just the thought infuriates me

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *andS66Couple
over a year ago

Derby

[Removed by poster at 19/04/17 04:33:33]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *andS66Couple
over a year ago

Derby

"Went to Chams last night and it's my favourite club.

But I had to tell at least 5 guys not to touch me without asking. Why do they think it's ok to just touch?

It puts me on edge and makes me wary about playing.

Some guys are very respectful and stand back and wait to be invited and invariably they get to join in. Others ask and provided they are not 20 stone they can join in.

The ones that just touch and think they have god given right to put their hands on me get told to ask, they ask and then are told no

It's ruining going to club nights. Have some fucking respect. "

This is why we only go to couples only nights.

On mixed nights we constantly get followed around, J can't go to the bathroom on her own, and if we walk past someone she quite often gets a wayward hand, or even groped.

Like you say, no respect. Pity, because we would sometimes play with single guys on a spur of the moment decision at a club, but going to mixed nights is not worth the hassle. We also find that there are certain sections of male society that are a lot less respectful than others.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

Probably going to show my age here, or I'm imagining the whole thing

but I seem to remember that the accepted, non- verbal, way of asking someone if they wanted to play at a club or party was to touch there arm with the back of your hand. It was a non-sexual, non-threatening touch that wasn't seen as offensive in any way but served as a great icebreaker.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmmm, just when we think about trying a club, a thread like this can make it seem very scary.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't hold it against the club.. just the mindless individual that have spoilt it for some...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hyGeekyMan
over a year ago

Audenshaw

"Hmmmm, just when we think about trying a club, a thread like this can make it seem very scary. "

I'm kinda in the same boat, been reading threads to make sure I know of the rules and etiquette surrounding clubs and one like this pops up and kinda puts you off.

Decided not to let it get to me so just have to make it to one.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Probably going to show my age here, or I'm imagining the whole thing

It is still the case at the parties I go too.. but some guys at clubs.. just don't use the brain & think ladies are pieces of meat they have paid for!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

"Probably going to show my age here, or I'm imagining the whole thing

It is still the case at the parties I go too.. but some guys at clubs.. just don't use the brain & think ladies are pieces of meat they have paid for!! "

I definitely wouldn't see it as a sign, i dare not use it either. I'm more for waiting to be invited by the lady or couple in question: if they don't invite, then roll on next time.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Probably going to show my age here, or I'm imagining the whole thing

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I concur with this post, I was at a house party and this happened to me, some slimy old t*at decided he could just touch my boobs without asking whilst I was in the middle of something important...and not really in a position to stop him. ugh. Another thing that really puts me off sometimes is the guys at clubs who think just because you make a millisecond of accidental eye contact, that they're in there. I literally could barely look anywhere but at my partner when I was at Abfabs, If my eyes so much as glanced at a guy they would follow us round... really guys? FFS, chill out! (Fully appreciate this is not all guys)

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I disagree that "it's ruining club nights" it may be a bit annoying sometimes, or fucking sick making sometimes, but there are loads and loads of amazing club nights that welcome guys, women, couples with sexual pursuasions that can run any which way and loose!

I don't go to couples nights... because I'm not one. I go to clubs where there are lots of guys and it's only 1 or 2 fuckwits that don't seem to have a social filter that behave like this and it's not just guys. It's anyone!!!

V x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ihimbiherCouple
over a year ago

lightwater

People assume that because you swing, your fair game for all.

That's why we never go to clubs now

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I disagree that "it's ruining club nights" it may be a bit annoying sometimes, or fucking sick making sometimes, but there are loads and loads of amazing club nights that welcome guys, women, couples with sexual pursuasions that can run any which way and loose!

V x

And many dont voice there opinion till after x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

V x

I agree with this.

If I read this thread and hadn't ever been to a club I'd be put off going but I have been to a club and yes, you do get the occasional idiot there BUT the majority of people are lovely, polite and sociable.

People tend to only start threads on here about negative things that have happened to them.

I love going to Kestrels and will continue to go

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I love chams and it wouldn't put me off going but I think I will probably stick to couples nights from now on.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *andomfodCouple
over a year ago

walsall

"I love chams and it wouldn't put me off going but I think I will probably stick to couples nights from now on. "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We try to avoid club nights or events where there are single men. Generally, the saddos put us off the decent fellas. Not that all single men are saddos of course, but we go to have a good time- not to spend the evening fighting off touchers, gropers and ones who follow you around all night

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love chams and it wouldn't put me off going but I think I will probably stick to couples nights from now on. "

We worked that out some time ago. Works for us. Hope it does for you x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love chams and it wouldn't put me off going but I think I will probably stick to couples nights from now on.

We actually want to try a mixed night, but stories like this (which we seem to hear a lot of!) Are offputting for a couple such as ourselves who are inexperienced. Though it's probably a case of only the bad experiences being spoken about, so it seems worse than it is. "
if it makes you feel any better. Most of our horror stories from clubs are on couples nights... and to be fair we will avoid where possible. X

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *r_G_SPMan
over a year ago

Nice shoes

It's not just women that get groped! It's happened to me lots of times. Quite recently I was playing with a couple and some guy started stroking my bottom. I said "dude you are touching my arse" he said "I know you have a nice bottom" cheeky git totally put me off what I was doing!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *layfull pairingCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

We have been going to clubs for years and never had any of these issues... single guys following you around all night can be annoying but not many clubs do couples only nights as they don't want to miss out on the revenue from single guys.... certainly we have never had guys randomly groping or being pushy....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is one if the worries I have going as a single woman, particularly if I don't really know anyone

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *onny MCMan
over a year ago

Crawley

"This is one if the worries I have going as a single woman, particularly if I don't really know anyone"

Most clubs make a real effort to keep an eye on single girls, especially first timers. Just let the staff know on your way in.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is one if the worries I have going as a single woman, particularly if I don't really know anyone"
I went to a club as a single for many year's and really didnt have issues.. but if you tell staff or hosts your new they will look out for you x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *elsh n wildCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff area

We've never been to club want to but your not selling it to us x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really want to go to a club but have never been and wouldn't want to go alone!

My worse fear is telling people no..I've never been good at it..and is this situation it makes me feel really embarrassed!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/04/17 23:47:09]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'm glad that all the men here have written posts explaining how they are special and would never touch a woman without asking. And in glad that some have apologized for all men.

Wake up guys - this doesn't help. In fact it derails the conversation and makes it all about you.

If you're even thinking about posting something along the lines of "not all men" on a thread like this, just don't bother. You're an idiot."

Whilst I wouldn't have used the same language, I think this post is pointing out that the 'I would never do that' posts don't really address the issue of why some men still feel that they women's bodies are objects they have the right to access without invitation.....this is the same spectrum that includes sexual assault and sexual violence.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ytraCouple
over a year ago

Wrexham

"I love chams and it wouldn't put me off going but I think I will probably stick to couples nights from now on. "

We were there too and for some reason the guys (not just singles) were a bit more touchy feely than normal, in the couples room the Mrs was constantly being touched while bending over me, while she doesn't mind as such she prefers to be asked or at the very least prefers them to stroke her back or thighs (gives her the chance to respond ) before trying to insert fingers!!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rueone71Man
over a year ago

Hiding in the Barnes

"I love chams and it wouldn't put me off going but I think I will probably stick to couples nights from now on.

No means no is a policy that all those clubs apply..and..I totally agree to it myself.

I usually try to make first an eye contact..or I come out with any sort of ice breaker before I make any move

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have no issue in loudly telling them but it pisses me off that they think they have a right to touch MY body without fucking asking.

I would never walk over to a man or woman and just touch, I would ask first.

You're not a man though, who watches too much porn. Unfortunately we live in a society where everything is ''on demand' - sex too. It's only going to get worse I fear, so do what the other lady said and just humiliate them.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love chams and it wouldn't put me off going but I think I will probably stick to couples nights from now on.

This sounds horrendous. I think id end up doing time if I went to clubs.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The tip is if i go into an open play room i go in with two guys greedy i know lol love the spit roasted one at my head one down below so if any one else wants to join in then they have to ask x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ytraCouple
over a year ago

Wrexham

This sounds horrendous. I think id end up doing time if I went to clubs. "

Mrs Robinson it's not usually like this at Chams, usually the guys are respectful, you get the odd one but a shove or no works.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/04/17 00:47:44]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same goes for women too. So many think because they are a woman its ok to touch or join in without asking and im telling ya it aint.

I woukdnt dream of touching a bloke without asking if it was ok and i definitely wouldnt assume its ok to touch a woman just because im one.

Ive kicked men in the bollocks for touching and threatened to drop kick more than i can remember. Im the same on a night out too

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually find if i stop what im doing turn round and ever so nicely say

If you touch me again i will drop kick you were your stood often does the trick and always report it to the staff.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/04/17 00:55:50]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eachgooseCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

We go to chams often no can say we've never had an issue with this, I or my good lady will always ask if it's okay to touch, male or female and always had honest answers, have had to tell a few males no as not our thing but always respectful, however having to tell males on Saturday nights to go away and come back with their female partner happens too much

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You talk about men as if they are children.

As if you are doing them a favour by letting them touch you as a reward for being a good boy and wanking across the room and not doing something you disapprove off.

No thanks love.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

On principle I don't agree with touching anybody without asking. Engage people in a conversation first and let them respond, this is the rule.

I really feel for some single guys the way people seem to tear them down. Guys get some knowledge and game and stop walking around wearing rose coloured glasses, some of these ladies need to be happy that you even opened your mouth to speak to them.

When we are in the club if a lady is not beautiful with a friendly face, me and my friends don't even say hello we just brush them aside and go for the best. Read the body language guys, am tired of seeing post where people are just tearing single guys down.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

I do but don't want to have to shout "back the fuck off". Ruins a night out

Wish there was a way of creating a Fab petition, asking all clubs to have some kind of nationwide scheme. Something as simple as clear signs saying "don't touch without consent". Club rules rarely get read. Venues part of the scheme would get better reputations and perhaps more clientele. I know I'd feel safer knowing a venue won't tolerate inappropriate behaviour.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Let's not even make it seem like guys are behaving inappropriately I don't agree with this and it is not true. I have never been to any club that accepts inappropriate behavior and I have been to many.

I have some very hot female friend s who like open group play at parties with so many guys, as many as possible,this is their thing, they would not mind guys holding their hands , its not a problem to them and I always notice a lot of guys following them and they like it and are happy.

The thing is you can see it in the body language of these girls, guys please watch the body language before you approach.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iganflirt1Man
over a year ago

wigan

Not condoning this kind of behaviour in anyway as clearly it's unacceptable.

But I can assure you without the revenue of single guys most clubs would be shut down within a month.

A few years ago a local club ( I won't name )

Barred a traveller / gypsey lad for for constantly harrassing woman but after a few months he was allowed back in.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reygorCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

well we regular chamers and our shore staff there would not have any unwelcome gropping ect .if you tell them.we never have problem as we are a couple .and if we in bar area [for coffee]guys always ask if its ok to sit and chat.if we wish to allow open play in cinema or circular room we give clear indication that its ok to join in.we dont do friday nights there as its to many single guys doing the walk round and round.sad to see those of you that have been dissrespected.hope you not put off playing

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reygorCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This happened to me on Wednesday night at A different club.

I was having a wonderful time playing in public with my partner and knew there were other men in the room watching which is OK, but one guy edged closer and closer and then deemed it acceptable to reach out and pinch my nipple without a word! I said don't touch me. He stopped and walked out of the room. But the point is...I shouldn't have HAD to tell him not to touch me as surely that is common knowledge and rules that should be followed in every club!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let's not even make it seem like guys are behaving inappropriately I don't agree with this and it is not true. I have never been to any club that accepts inappropriate behavior and I have been to many.

The thing is you can see it in the body language of these girls, guys please watch the body language before you approach."

Ok so what you are saying is that no guys touch inappropriately and everyone who says otherwise is lying. Seriously???

I have had unwanted touching, penetrated without permission (yep guess what that is guys), groped and had people join in open sessions who clearly weren't invited. Was it my fault? Did my body language say join in? No it fuckin didn't!! I won't play in the open in clubs now because of this.

So guys assume that the lady DOES NOT CONSENT to you touching her. The assumption that girls are up for it because they are in a club is very dangerous.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *on and TammyCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

We've been to clubs 3 times in the last 2 months (Cupids x2, no 3 club once) all where there were plenty of single men. Not once was my wife or I behaved inappropriately toward by a single male.

In fact the one time a guy did get ever-so-slightly over friendly with her he was part of a couple. We had all been talking a while and he held her hand, not an overtly sexual gesture but a little too forward for us. The situation was easily rectified though with no falling out.

The wife went swimming 2 days ago for the first time in years, she got more grief there off another guy before she'd even put her foot in the pool than she has in 3 nights at a swingers club.

Not to say bad things don't happen but i think this thread is skewering some people's perceptions of single guy behaviour in clubs.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"Not condoning this kind of behaviour in anyway as clearly it's unacceptable.

But I can assure you without the revenue of single guys most clubs would be shut down within a month.

A few years ago a local club ( I won't name )

Barred a traveller / gypsey lad for for constantly harrassing woman but after a few months he was allowed back in.

Yes this happens for the reason being that single men are the bread and butter in a lot of ways for clubs. They are banned or asked to leave then further down the line....hey ho they are back.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"You talk about men as if they are children.

As if you are doing them a favour by letting them touch you as a reward for being a good boy and wanking across the room and not doing something you disapprove off.

No thanks love.

There is a lot of that on this thread (and in general). I wouldn't go to clubs if guys didn't so I hope you all don't stop going.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not just guys who touch without asking

Do you ever complain when that happens?"

Yes, because its about respect, if woman start doing that because, "well its fine because men dont care" then it becomes one rule for one amd another for anoyher and that is a slipperry slope

SOME men (emphisis on SOME) will say so if a woman is allowed to touch me without my consent then why do i need hers and as much as i hate to say it, they would have a valid point

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You talk about men as if they are children.

As if you are doing them a favour by letting them touch you as a reward for being a good boy and wanking across the room and not doing something you disapprove off.

No thanks love.

There is a lot of that on this thread (and in general). I wouldn't go to clubs if guys didn't so I hope you all don't stop going.

To be fair we as single me get the blame for everything wrong with fab and clubs

And frankly its bullshit

Most of the time its shitty people in couples who do that by sneaking around...when you and your partner are on fab, or getting d*unk at a club and the pair of you making a scene

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's very rude if you say no then it means no it's Sexual harassment if they ate touching you and you told them not to Report them i bet some of the blokes going to clubs are even married and their wives or partners don't know.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

There is a lot of that on this thread (and in general). I wouldn't go to clubs if guys didn't so I hope you all don't stop going.

To be fair we as single me get the blame for everything wrong with fab and clubs

And frankly its bullshit

Most of the time its shitty people in couples who do that by sneaking around...when you and your partner are on fab, or getting d*unk at a club and the pair of you making a scene"

Get a grip. That's as much a generalisation as lumping all guys into the twat bucket. It's people! Some people! Only some that behave like numpties when allowed out. Perhaps they don't get out much, perhaps the idea of sex without emotion is simply too complex for the simple brained ..... but it's not one group that are afflicted.

V x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"That's very rude if you say no then it means no it's Sexual harassment if they ate touching you and you told them not to Report them i bet some of the blokes going to clubs are even married and their wives or partners don't know. "

You think so?!?!? Shock fucking horror.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

[Removed by poster at 21/04/17 09:39:30]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not just guys who touch without asking

Do you ever complain when that happens?"

What's the point. The club ain't gonna ask a female to leave are they

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a lot of that on this thread (and in general). I wouldn't go to clubs if guys didn't so I hope you all don't stop going.

To be fair we as single me get the blame for everything wrong with fab and clubs

And frankly its bullshit

Most of the time its shitty people in couples who do that by sneaking around...when you and your partner are on fab, or getting d*unk at a club and the pair of you making a scene

V x "

That is exactly the point and you made it for me perfectly

Its not all or even the majority ots a minority of dickish people on both sides of the argument

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"It's not just guys who touch without asking

Do you ever complain when that happens?

What's the point. The club ain't gonna ask a female to leave are they "

Yes. And I've seen it happen. (Not me I hasten to add)

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What does people going to clubs behind their partners backs have to do with anything?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not just guys who touch without asking

Do you ever complain when that happens?

What's the point. The club ain't gonna ask a female to leave are they "

Example 49,923 of female privelege

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"It's not just guys who touch without asking

Do you ever complain when that happens?

What's the point. The club ain't gonna ask a female to leave are they

Example 49,923 of female privelege

Female privilege????? Good grief

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

This is an Elite lifestyle and for the new people reading and thinking of joining, the clubs are the safest place for you to go and they do not accept any misbehavior , I will not be absolute but in my party group there is never ever any kind of misbehavior, if you do, you will loose your membership which is worth more than gold.

Now when it comes to single guys, I personally love them cause I just think they are amazing and bring a lot of value to the scene, for example me and my girlfriend play as singles because we like the freedom of playing singles,so please don't assume single guys are people who don't have girls on the scene.

I have met the most beautiful girls ever on the scene , they are very successful and they just like sex, most times when the ladies are playing in a group with many guys their husbands are always standing there watching them and the guys always ask permission in every club I have been to.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *upergirthukMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Went to Chams last night and it's my favourite club.

But I had to tell at least 5 guys not to touch me without asking. Why do they think it's ok to just touch?

It puts me on edge and makes me wary about playing.

Some guys are very respectful and stand back and wait to be invited and invariably they get to join in. Others ask and provided they are not 20 stone they can join in.

The ones that just touch and think they have god given right to put their hands on me get told to ask, they ask and then are told no

It's ruining going to club nights. Have some fucking respect. "

As a respectful single male, it's beyond me that these wankers do this. The amount of potential fun that many could have enjoyed that has been killed stone dead by some prick touching the female with out invite is ridiculous.

Do they not realise that, without invite, them touching a person is an actual criminal offence? Maybe if more people started involving at least the threat of the police these pricks would back the fuck off and realise if they spoke and asked they may get an invite but if they don't they will get chased, kicked out and have a knock on their door from the police and arrested.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You talk about men as if they are children.

As if you are doing them a favour by letting them touch you as a reward for being a good boy and wanking across the room and not doing something you disapprove off.

No thanks love.

Wtf. How am I talking about men as if they are children??

I don't want to be touched by a stranger without him asking first if it's ok.

If you ask and are sexually attractive then great if not the answer is no.

How would you feel if a group of men cornered you in a room and just started helping themselves to your cock?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On behalf of all single men who go to clubs, let me apologise."

How dare you tar all Single Men with the same brush , There are Some really Respectful Single Men in Clubs , Me one of them , Who know do not touch without asking and know the rules

So in future keep the apologies for yourself

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *upergirthukMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I've been touched 3 times by men without asking at a club and twice at a party. A swift no thanks was sufficient. Women on the other hand.....I have been touched by more women, without asking my permission, then men. And have gotten more grief from the woman/women by saying no thank you. Excuse the pun, but swings and roundabouts it seems. But no-one has the right to touch you without your permission, male or female. Dreamcatcher Xx "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *an_WoodMan
over a year ago

Stafford

"You talk about men as if they are children.

As if you are doing them a favour by letting them touch you as a reward for being a good boy and wanking across the room and not doing something you disapprove off.

No thanks love.

Wtf. How am I talking about men as if they are children??

I don't want to be touched by a stranger without him asking first if it's ok.

If you ask and are sexually attractive then great if not the answer is no.

How would you feel if a group of men cornered you in a room and just started helping themselves to your cock?"

Spot on, ask and if a no then move on. Simple really

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

The thing is you can see it in the body language of these girls, guys please watch the body language before you approach.

Ok so what you are saying is that no guys touch inappropriately and everyone who says otherwise is lying. Seriously???

So guys assume that the lady DOES NOT CONSENT to you touching her. The assumption that girls are up for it because they are in a club is very dangerous."

I will not be absolute because I have not been everywhere but as far as I know and in all the clubs I have been to, the guys do not misbehave and the ladies and couples can back me up on this.

In my party group the single guys are gold and will not even talk to ladies if they don't meet the cut. Fair exchange , no robbery.

I have been asked before at our party by a female friend " She said to me , am I partying with guys or am I partying with Angels" because the single guys were just too handsome, we are so selective that if you are not beautiful and friendly we won't even talk to you how much more to hold your hand or anything like that.

It is possible in your party group you might have experienced misbehavior but I doubt this very much because I know the clubs don't accept it and if you tell the hosts they will deal squarely with the situation and the guy will be dealt with, their business works because of their standards.

So please don't paint all single guys with a negative brush, women come to our party group and nobody plays with them cause they don't meet our standards ,so don't make it look like all single guys don't have value this is far from the truth.We play single because we want our success or failure at the party to be based solely on us.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

On behalf of all single men who go to clubs, let me apologise.

Please as an Elite single guy and for all the Elite single guys ,you are not apologising on our behalf, you are apologising for yourself.

Do you know very successful , beautiful and wealthy ladies with big money fly out from Brazil etc just to come and party with us, the ladies who painted all single guys negatively owe us an apology for painting all single guys on the scene with a negative brush

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

Wind your neck in.... no one owes apologies. It is what it is. There are bad club experiences caused by poor behaviour. And that behaviour could be anyone.

It's not elitism.... it's social and sexual awareness that not everyone has. It's a sense of entitlement that is poorly judged at best and criminal at worst. No one should do anything to anyone without explicit consent that it is ok to do so.

Clubs are getting better at dealing with it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On behalf of all single men who go to clubs, let me apologise.

Please as an Elite single guy and for all the Elite single guys ,you are not apologising on our behalf, you are apologising for yourself.

What's an Elite single guy?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How can you discredit someone's personal experience and say you doubt it even happened just because you've never witnessed something like it yourself??.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *an_WoodMan
over a year ago

Stafford

"On behalf of all single men who go to clubs, let me apologise.

Please as an Elite single guy and for all the Elite single guys ,you are not apologising on our behalf, you are apologising for yourself.

What's an Elite single guy?"

You need to ask ?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On behalf of all single men who go to clubs, let me apologise.

Please as an Elite single guy and for all the Elite single guys ,you are not apologising on our behalf, you are apologising for yourself.

I can see from your veri's you are a polite and respected gentleman ( lovely

) but truly not all men are like that in swingers clubs or indeed any club. I was out vanilla style on Sat night in Newcastle and a man just kept grabbing me ( hugging rather than inappropriate ) no amount of polite " no thank you " stopped him until I had to threaten him with the bouncer - then he got all shouty and defensive. Ive had it in swingers clubs too - they just dont take no for an answer, maybe as they paid a lot to get in they want their moneys worth. If I play now its usually in private rooms x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately