FabSwingers.com forum: Who thinks he'll now stop?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I met a guy three years ago after chatting online for a few weeks. I got in his car and we had a brief chat. Nothing happened between us, I didn't fancy him and knew it would go no further.

Still after all this time I'm constantly blocking and deleting his profiles, after reading his abuse and threats to expose me. (I'm married).

Other day I done some homework, I found him on social media. He has a gf and children, his place of work was in view as well so I asked a male friend of mine to ring him at the factory to warn him off.

Haven't heard anything from him since, is fighting fire with fire the right thing to do? I have

Been a nervous wreck because of him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Forgot to mention, he found me on FB and inboxed me there too. The account was blank at the time, but I kept all messages and eventually his 'real' name and pic showed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you still have copies of the mails he sent you? Now you have his details if he contacts you again you can contact the police. Good luck x

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"I met a guy three years ago after chatting online for a few weeks. I got in his car and we had a brief chat. Nothing happened between us, I didn't fancy him and knew it would go no further.

Still after all this time I'm constantly blocking and deleting his profiles, after reading his abuse and threats to expose me. (I'm married).

Haven't heard anything from him since, is fighting fire with fire the right thing to do? I have

Been a nervous wreck because of him. "

I think sometimes you have to fight fire with fire, I'd probably have done something similar.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I met a guy three years ago after chatting online for a few weeks. I got in his car and we had a brief chat. Nothing happened between us, I didn't fancy him and knew it would go no further.

Still after all this time I'm constantly blocking and deleting his profiles, after reading his abuse and threats to expose me. (I'm married).

Haven't heard anything from him since, is fighting fire with fire the right thing to do? I have

Been a nervous wreck because of him.

I think sometimes you have to fight fire with fire, I'd probably have done something similar."

This.

Sometimes you have to be the bigger person and not reply/respond/react.

Sometimes you have to open a can of whoopass.

Hope it works out well OP.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you. I have the FB messages in my phone but most of the others were deleted as I used to delete my profiles out of fear.

Now I know who he is I'm just praying he will leave me alone

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

If he does it again send him a screenshot of his details.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If he does it again send him a screenshot of his details."

I asked a friend to ring his place of work. If it happens again I will go to the place and face him. I will embarrass him in front of his work colleagues and show his manager what has been going on. They will probably involve the police.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A similar thing happened to me about 4 years ago OP. Unfortunately I had no idea who the guy actually was as he had lied to me about pretty much everything, but I told him I knew everything about him, name, place of work, wife's details, everything! Threatened to blow his world apart if he ever tried to contact me again.... he didn't call my bluff and I've never heard from him since.

Sometimes you have to fight fire with a raging inferno

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This bloke actually did message my husband on FB too. Said we'd been having an affair. I admitted to hubby that I had spoken to the guy and that's all. My husband hasn't said much else about it but thinks I'm off the site.

(We don't have a sexual relationship) only reason I'm here

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

It's so wrong when people do things like this.

He obviously can't handle rejection! He is low life!

I was once stalked by a man, he had even said he could trace my address from my mobile phone number, also said he would put me in hospital, so I went to the Police station, took a picture of the entrance, sent it to him telling him I was going in if I heard any more from him, he stopped. Result! Very scary though!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always contact the police as soon as you are concerned. There is a certain psychopathy behind stalking and it's not something that should be ignored.

Glad you seem to have sorted it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do people get out of this type of outrageous behaviour - still beats me. Sounds like you've got it sorted OP, hope he leaves you alone now. If not, the police will be interested to know I'm sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would have gone to the police rather than black .. mailing him personally.

But I guess that would be awkward to tell your husband why the police are round taking a statement.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's so wrong when people do things like this.

He obviously can't handle rejection! He is low life!

I've threatened him with the police loads of times. He didn't seem to be bothered (that's when I didn't know his name). I really hope this now puts a stop to it all.

You're right, it is scary, it's made me paranoid

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would have gone to the police rather than black .. mailing him personally.

But I guess that would be awkward to tell your husband why the police are round taking a statement."

The police wouldn't come round, I would have had to have gone to the station. It would be treated in confidence.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Always contact the police as soon as you are concerned. There is a certain psychopathy behind stalking and it's not something that should be ignored.

Glad you seem to have sorted it."

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What do people get out of this type of outrageous behaviour - still beats me. Sounds like you've got it sorted OP, hope he leaves you alone now. If not, the police will be interested to know I'm sure. "

I didn't even kiss him. I just don't get what people get out of harassing others

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

They are psychotic idiots and attention seekers. Unfortunately the internet does attract people who are weird, they sit behind screens causing stress.

I am sure the Police would be interested if he continues and you may have to go down that route even if it does not feel comfortable for you.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"I met a guy three years ago after chatting online for a few weeks. I got in his car and we had a brief chat. Nothing happened between us, I didn't fancy him and knew it would go no further.

Still after all this time I'm constantly blocking and deleting his profiles, after reading his abuse and threats to expose me. (I'm married).

Haven't heard anything from him since, is fighting fire with fire the right thing to do? I have

Been a nervous wreck because of him. "

Yes.

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By *omez42Man
over a year ago

gloucester

Don't threaten him with the police, go to the police. Let them deal with it and never have any contact with him.

Every time you make some sort of contact, that's an opening to him. Don't even acknowledge his existence.

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By *ot40sCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

"If he does it again send him a screenshot of his details."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Don't threaten him with the police, go to the police. Let them deal with it and never have any contact with him.

Every time you make some sort of contact, that's an opening to him. Don't even acknowledge his existence. "

I shall do this if he contacts me anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't threaten him with the police, go to the police. Let them deal with it and never have any contact with him.

Every time you make some sort of contact, that's an opening to him. Don't even acknowledge his existence. "

Spot on any attention is good attention with these types.. hope you get this sorted

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I didn't even kiss him. I just don't get what people get out of harassing others"

If you want to chat about it pm me, I tried to message but your profile is hidden.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I can understand why you took the course of action you did. Part of me thinks it was the right way to go and part thinks you should have just put the entire matter in the hands of the police.

Whatever, I hope that you never hear from him again. I have no idea what people like this get out of their behaviour but they need dealing with one way or another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 years youve put up with this?

Should have contacted the police at the time!

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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago

Wherever the party is!

I didn't even kiss him. I just don't get what people get out of harassing others

If you want to chat about it pm me, I tried to message but your profile is hidden. "

You can still send messages to hidden profiles by the way.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

they get a buzz off being in control of the situation and the person they are threatening. it's why the advice about ignoring him yourself and letting others deal with it is the best advice.

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

I had a stalker years ago and ended up going to my local police station to explain all to them.

They were very helpful. I explained everything to them.

I found out through my local club he was doing it to another local lady. She also went to the police.

They asked if I wanted to press charges but I said no. They basically "threatened" him and he was advised very strongly to never do it again or they would go to his house in a police car and discuss it with him whilst the other person he lived with was there.

It was awful to go through but the police were very supportive.

Never had any more issues.

So please go see them and pass it over to them xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I met a guy three years ago after chatting online for a few weeks. I got in his car and we had a brief chat. Nothing happened between us, I didn't fancy him and knew it would go no further.

Still after all this time I'm constantly blocking and deleting his profiles, after reading his abuse and threats to expose me. (I'm married).

Haven't heard anything from him since, is fighting fire with fire the right thing to do? I have

Been a nervous wreck because of him. "

While this is awful and you have my sympathies I do wonder what the hell these guys say to persuade women to meet them in the first place?! The saying "Well, you do pick 'em..." springs to mind...Are these the wankers that I get passed over for?

Also, for those that say "no ethnics" (due to bad experiences such as stalking etc) it's funny how White guys don't get barred whether or not they do something as bad as this...

Just go to the Police or hire someone to break his legs...

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

If anything like this is causing fear involve the police.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"While this is awful and you have my sympathies I do wonder what the hell these guys say to persuade women to meet them in the first place?! The saying "Well, you do pick 'em..." springs to mind...Are these the wankers that I get passed over for?"

Really? You've never heard about creepy guys who act normal to begin with?

You've got a very poor opinion of women if you think we meet stalkers on purpose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I met a guy three years ago after chatting online for a few weeks. I got in his car and we had a brief chat. Nothing happened between us, I didn't fancy him and knew it would go no further.

Still after all this time I'm constantly blocking and deleting his profiles, after reading his abuse and threats to expose me. (I'm married).

Haven't heard anything from him since, is fighting fire with fire the right thing to do? I have

Been a nervous wreck because of him.

Also, for those that say "no ethnics" (due to bad experiences such as stalking etc) it's funny how White guys don't get barred whether or not they do something as bad as this...

Just go to the Police or hire someone to break his legs..."

and somehow you've managed to twist something that has no relevance whatsoever to do with race,all about you! how do you know what ethnicity the guy was? is it mentioned? no?..you need to get that chip off your shoulder and stop whining!

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By *ucy. AlCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"I met a guy three years ago after chatting online for a few weeks. I got in his car and we had a brief chat. Nothing happened between us, I didn't fancy him and knew it would go no further.

Still after all this time I'm constantly blocking and deleting his profiles, after reading his abuse and threats to expose me. (I'm married).

Haven't heard anything from him since, is fighting fire with fire the right thing to do? I have

Been a nervous wreck because of him.

Also, for those that say "no ethnics" (due to bad experiences such as stalking etc) it's funny how White guys don't get barred whether or not they do something as bad as this...

Just go to the Police or hire someone to break his legs..."

Wtf dude??

So basically trust no one? Talk to no one. These types of people use control and seem awfully nice until they get rejected, then obsession will kick in through their own insecurity hence the craving for attention, women don't choose them the prey - for want of a better word - on the woman. Not a cool comment

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By *entadreadMan
over a year ago

Essex

it is the sense of failure, coupled with sour grapes, not able to cope with rejection... that makes them do these things. Immaturity of the highest order

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I met a guy three years ago after chatting online for a few weeks. I got in his car and we had a brief chat. Nothing happened between us, I didn't fancy him and knew it would go no further.

Still after all this time I'm constantly blocking and deleting his profiles, after reading his abuse and threats to expose me. (I'm married).

Haven't heard anything from him since, is fighting fire with fire the right thing to do? I have

Been a nervous wreck because of him.

Also, for those that say "no ethnics" (due to bad experiences such as stalking etc) it's funny how White guys don't get barred whether or not they do something as bad as this...

Just go to the Police or hire someone to break his legs...

Wtf dude??

Just playing devils advocate.

It's not insecurity nor craving attention, these sorts of men are mentally ill. Stalking is a form of Autoerotica...The OP should go to the Police and seek Legal action.

It's a pity such men exist...they ruin lives.

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By *ucy. AlCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

" It's a pity such men exist...they ruin lives."

agree that op should have gone to police as well btw, to reiterate others comments they can be discrete and they're their to help and enforce not judge

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By *aisyDDWoman
over a year ago

North West

"I met a guy three years ago after chatting online for a few weeks. I got in his car and we had a brief chat. Nothing happened between us, I didn't fancy him and knew it would go no further.

Still after all this time I'm constantly blocking and deleting his profiles, after reading his abuse and threats to expose me. (I'm married).

Haven't heard anything from him since, is fighting fire with fire the right thing to do? I have

Been a nervous wreck because of him. "

Fair play. Don't let him bully you. I'd not be taking shit from him xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm so proud of you for fighting back and letting him know that you've got eagles and hawks surrounding him too. All of his sense of power over you deflated as soon as you threatened to expose him. He thought you were his little toy in a second secret life. £u©k him and job well done!!

The only reason he knew that you would fear being exposed is because he fears the exact same thing.

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By *oderndaylivesCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

I had a similar experience but not threatening. Just creepy and stalker is. I found out his identity, wife's name etc and dropped it into a reply and he shit his pants and begged me not to say anything to his wife. I told him his marriage was none of my business but to stop scaring people. He deleted his profiles and I never heard from him again .

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By *otlipsandSirCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

Not just men who harass and abuse people , I had a similar situation with a woman I was seeing for a short time (she ended it) who turned into a complete nutjob when we split .

Threats ,silent calls at all hours,it went on for months before I contacted the police and embarrassing as it was having to get them involved ,it worked and I didn't hear from her again .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/04/17 10:30:43]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I met a guy three years ago after chatting online for a few weeks. I got in his car and we had a brief chat. Nothing happened between us, I didn't fancy him and knew it would go no further.

Still after all this time I'm constantly blocking and deleting his profiles, after reading his abuse and threats to expose me. (I'm married).

Haven't heard anything from him since, is fighting fire with fire the right thing to do? I have

Been a nervous wreck because of him. "

You have done the right thing and taken control back by using leverage. Having evidence is good and he could be issued with a harrassment letter from the police, however you have used a better alternative by making it personal to them and make them feel like they could potentially lose something.

A great saying I use which can be adapted to this is

"The threat of violence is far worse than the act"

Therefore fear is greater at the thought than the reality.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you everyone. Not a peep out of him since.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you everyone. Not a peep out of him since.

Thats good ! Hopefully that will be the end of it but I worry if its gone on 3 years his psychotic behaviour may start again.

As you have enough to ID him, if it happens just once again involve the police. They take these things seriously. I had a "situation" happen in swinging a few years back. I found the police exceptionally non judgemental and very keen to investigate.

Fingers crossed for you its over xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you everyone. Not a peep out of him since.

Brilliant x

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