FabSwingers.com forum: Keeping hormones and emotions in check ??

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hey any advice or pointers to anything to read on how to keep emotions in check after sex to avoid attachment ? Female bodies flood with hormones to promote bonding . Detachment , is easier for blokes as hormones don't excite bonding tendencies . Any females out there cracked it ? Cheers xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An interesting question and no easy answer...practice and mind over matter, perhaps?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being able to compartmentalise helps. ..as does already having a fulfilling loving relationship with hubby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, I think the experience is very different for single women with no partner though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it starts with being on here for the right reasons. It's mainly an NSA site and if you're on here because deep down, you want to find someone, it'll never work.

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

[Removed by poster at 02/04/17 11:23:42]

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

Allow yourself to feel whilst rationalising and understanding why you feel means that logic rather than emotions can dictate your actions until the initial rush passes. That's what I do anyway. Like Scarlet said, compartmentalisation. Failing that, ice cream.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cant really answer as for 14 years i managed without attachment... then I started playing with Mr and well...

but alls good

I never really had the issue with falling for sex partners but then it was rare id meet the same guy twice or do 121.. and I dont do intimacy with meets. Just sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Allow yourself to feel whilst rationalising and understanding why you feel means that logic rather than emotions can dictate your actions until the initial rush passes. That's what I do anyway. Like Scarlet said, compartmentalisation. Failing that, ice cream."

Yes. Waiting even half an hour can completely change a reaction to something.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

Hi op,I was on here as a single 3 years and had no problem getting attached ,even with people i met reguarly.

I wasnt looking for anything more,then I mwt Jack here and it nust happened.

I think it can help to have the mindsetbthat its just sex and maybe have 1 offs if you fear getting attached.

Miss

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

think we are brought up to only attach to one person sexually.

suppose you gotta work out why you're fucking people. if it's coz you need something more than to be sexually satisfied then NSA sex isn't gonna do it for you.

i used to enjoy not attaching to guys, it gave me some emotional relief after being in a relationship. i could still do it now if i had more regular and better sex, figured NSA isn't for me for that reason, not enough good quality sex.

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By *ystical_InkedBBWWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the Shire of Derby

Remember that it's just sex and nothing more, and don't plan anything further with them until a few days have past, that way emotions are back under control

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey any advice or pointers to anything to read on how to keep emotions in check after sex to avoid attachment ? Female bodies flood with hormones to promote bonding . Detachment , is easier for blokes as hormones don't excite bonding tendencies . Any females out there cracked it ? Cheers xx"

I think this is where having a mature and somewhat spiritual male playmate makes all the difference. For me, a woman's bonding urges aren't a problem in and of themselves... it's how you deal with them. If a woman came to me with this I'd acknowledge that I was very flattered and then offer a few ways of dealing with it... from taking a long break from each other, or having one last bitter sweet night together then calling it a day, or trying to weather through it somehow. I must admit, however, I'm probably unusual in this outlook

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I must be a man

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By *weetChariotMan
over a year ago

High Wycombe

I think I must be a man

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By *ed LipstickWoman
over a year ago

Fucksville

I think I must be a man

Me too hun x

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By *icky_tvLondonTV/TS
over a year ago

london

Yes. Waiting even half an hour can completely change a reaction to something."

Road Rage, as distinct from bonding, comes to mind.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I've got pretty good at putting these type of emotions in a box since I've been here, although I think it's easier when you are attached.

It is what it is OP, sex. If you want more than that and the chap doesn't you're going to get hurt x

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

I've never really associated sex with love or emotions. It has always been a purely physical thing for me.

Think I was just born with a male brain.

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By *airymagicWoman
over a year ago

goblin city

Don't cuddle or snuggle, or stay up all night chatting n seeing if your hand fits in his

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Find 'em, fuck 'em, forget 'em.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting topic. Contrary to thoughts early on in the thread, typical roles were reversed for us. Mrs has always found it easy to keep swinging simple. She does like a bit of friendship with the people she meets, but nothing more.

There was a guy she met regularly who started to ask to see her more often than was "acceptable". She calmly reminded him that she was attached and that if he wanted someone that regular, he should think about looking for a partner.

I (Mr) am quite an emotional thi ker at the best of times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that none of the blokes on here are ever likely to want to spend anymore time with me other than to fuck me. So therefore there's nothing in my head that causes any form of attachment. Seems to work anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just have to remember that there is no attachment required for any of the meets. If I've started to have confused feelings I've explained to the guy what's happening and put a stop to the friendship and stopped meeting.

It's difficult to do, obviously but it keeps me sane

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remind myself how awful being in a relationship is and that I'm getting great sex without the hassle.

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By *ollyGWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

I wish, when you do please let me know! I don't meet anymore due to this.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

It's not just a woman thing. When a guy meets a lady who he gets on well with it's the same.

Well it is for me lol.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"Being able to compartmentalise helps. ..as does already having a fulfilling loving relationship with hubby

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By *otandStickyCouple
over a year ago

Poole

If your single and you are meeting other single people, then can you just not go with the flow?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Brilliant suggestions folks. I got a lot from the replies that help. I particularly liked the suggestion to wait half an hour or so for a different perspective . Also compartmentalisation of things in the mind was a useful concept .

Typically, it's not a problem to do the latter. Sex and love are very different indeed! FAB meets are purely sex - for sure - no attachment required other than physical (though quality sex is achieved for me if I can relate to , and am attracted to the whole person - in fact that's the only sex I'm seeking).

It's reassuring to know that so much good advice can be obtained from fellow FAB users. Thanks again to all who replied . &;-). Xx

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

Yes; I entered into a relationship so now no other man interests me more than just someone who I have had casual sex with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've never really associated sex with love or emotions. It has always been a purely physical thing for me.

Think I was just born with a male brain."

Just came across this thread and it's always intrigued me how to keep things seperate especially after meeting with a couple for a number of years a bond sort of builds.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't cuddle or snuggle, or stay up all night chatting n seeing if your hand fits in his"

I had one guy from here that I saw for 6 months as a f/b - we never kissed (I followed his lead) and it made it much easier to treat it as a purely sexual relationship. I think he had decided this worked for him and generally now if I have regular f/b I only engage in sexual kissing not hour long sensual kissing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Set up the next meet and start chatting to them. The next glittery thing is a remarkable distraction.

Get out and do something non-fab. Perspective is a great corrective.

Watch them with someone else - how do you feel about it?

And if it persists, examine your feelings carefully and have a careful but honest conversation. Wanting to be friends is quite different from wanting to be lovers for me. I have some of the former, I’ve rarely wanted the latter from fab contacts.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

"I remind myself how awful being in a relationship is and that I'm getting great sex without the hassle. "

I have to agree. When my son broke up with his gf and she was chucking out his stuff in the middle of the night it was a reminder of why I don’t do relationships.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Despite my response above regarding serious relationships I do tend to have good friendships with people I play with. Although not getting an emotional attachment I do chat regularly with some of the people I play with. A couple of them on a daily basis. We don’t meet on a regular basis so it’s nice to be able to chat.

I’m not looking for anyone to move in with me so it’s easy to keep that distance. It’s still nice to be able to socialise and give each other support when it’s needed.

Not sure that really answers your question OP but I think we all handle it differently.

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By *limaxinnylonCouple
over a year ago

CHESTER

I don't have any emotional attachment to any meet. Being honest I am told I think like a bloke generally! I don't believe love and sex are related at all. When I think of love or attachment I don't think of sex! Am happy to stay in touch if other party wants but not after any relationship/friendship if they don't! I just don't get women who fawn after guys following sex it's just not how I am wired!

Jayne xx

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By *ot_so_innocent1Woman
over a year ago

Bromborough

Before I joined fab I dated.... a lot. Funnily enough, if I went on a date with a guy, fancied them but couldn’t see it going any further then I’d fuck them on the first date and not see them again. If I fancied them and could see some type of future, I would leave them waiting 3 dates before sex. So I thought I was pretty good at separating the two.

Then I joined fab, first guy I pretty much played with, we got into something a bit too regular, chatting every day and we both got feelings. But I had to end it as it wasn’t for me. A few days later, met someone privately I’d met in a club. We both had the conversation that neither of us wanted relationships. After a few meets, he told me he had feelings. I didn’t feel the same at the time. However, before long my feelings grew and now we have been together 10 months.

So clearly I’m pretty shit at keeping my feelings separate from sex but in both these situations the feelings were mutual.

Personally, I’ve seen quite a lot of women on here get feelings for regular playmates and I think if you’re prone to do that then you should only meet the same person once and/or make it clear that you could want something more. Yes, fab is for swingers but not unheard of for both sexes to want and get something more. If the person you want to see regularly absolutely 100% doesn’t want that then walk away. It saves a whole load of pain.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t spend the night.

That’s what really fucks with my head.

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By *uggs71Man
over a year ago

london

What flavour?

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By *uggs71Man
over a year ago

london

"Before I joined fab I dated.... a lot. Funnily enough, if I went on a date with a guy, fancied them but couldn’t see it going any further then I’d fuck them on the first date and not see them again. If I fancied them and could see some type of future, I would leave them waiting 3 dates before sex. So I thought I was pretty good at separating the two.

So clearly I’m pretty shit at keeping my feelings separate from sex but in both these situations the feelings were mutual.

Maybe polyamory?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly congratulations as it’s usually only mind blowing sex that produces those feelings so I think a pat on the back is needed. Secondly it’s ok to get those feelings, don’t try and run from them, it’s just hormones and they will pass, distraction is brilliant for this, go and do something else you enjoy for a bit. Thirdly its natural and ok to feel that way about someone, what’s not ok is to act on it unless you have their permission. Xxx

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Some interesting replies on here, good post OP

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By *blasiansCouple
over a year ago

Wakefield

Interesting read.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Firstly congratulations as it’s usually only mind blowing sex that produces those feelings so I think a pat on the back is needed. Secondly it’s ok to get those feelings, don’t try and run from them, it’s just hormones and they will pass, distraction is brilliant for this, go and do something else you enjoy for a bit. Thirdly its natural and ok to feel that way about someone, what’s not ok is to act on it unless you have their permission. Xxx"

Brilliant!!!

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By *ettyboop61Woman
over a year ago

St Neots

I'm too old to have a fab relationship I had one for 3 years and he finished with me recently telling me that he had to sort his life out what a lame response.....all men don't have any bollocks to come out with the right answer you end up hating them!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant!!! "

Thank you xxx

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By *weetChariotMan
over a year ago

High Wycombe

I'm rubbish at this, always hungry for more, want to see them again. ... I think sex improves with repitition, and I adore giving pleasure and if she liked the attention, I like to have the chance to repeat it ... More than twice.

I think the bonding chem is Oxytocin, caused by hugging for more than 20 seconds or sucking nipples for a feed ... So don't hug for more than 15 seconds and don't play with nipples for as long as a baby would feed. .... Easy to type, tough to implement.

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By *ntraditionalwomanWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

listen to your head not your hormones

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