FabSwingers.com forum: Any Advice, I'm Disabled

By *ojo1964 OP Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Hi everyone, I suffer from Cerebral Palsy and confined to a wheelchair, but live a full life, work full time and drive a car too, also very clean as I shower everyday. Could anyone please give me any advice. I have been here for a few months now with a couple successes under my belt. But lately I've been writing to ladies without much luck.

I know a person with a disability isn't everybody's cup of tea, but like all of youselves I love sex and loved to get a few more meets. So any advice or offers (cheeky I know) would be great. Thank you for reading this.

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

Rojo, seems your memories failing too, you did this post 6 months ago, I replied to you privately.

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By *he tactile technicianMan
over a year ago

the good lands, the bad lands, the any where you may want me lands

"Hi everyone, I suffer from Cerebral Palsy and confined to a wheelchair, but live a full life, work full time and drive a car too, also very clean as I shower everyday. Could anyone please give me any advice. I have been here for a few months now with a couple successes under my belt. But lately I've been writing to ladies without much luck.

Hi rojo, don't feel that your disability is necessarily working against you, as you will see if you look at my profile I'm a disabled person too. What I would suggest is that you show more confidence in yourself, you are a person with CP you don't suffer with it! Just like I don't suffer with blindness, it is what makes us different and fab is all about difference and peoples tastes. OK so neither of us may be everyones taste, but doesn't that make the meets more special? Stick at it, be honest and be yourself remember there are disabled women on fab as well, they promote themselves and not their disability first and formost. Now what about a disabled ersons chat room?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Maybe he needs more advice

No advice from me though sorry , other than the normal of patience.

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By *he tactile technicianMan
over a year ago

the good lands, the bad lands, the any where you may want me lands

"Maybe he needs more advice

No advice from me though sorry , other than the normal of patience."

The best advice ever Rugby, patience patience and more patience.

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By *ojo1964 OP Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Rojo, seems your memories failing too, you did this post 6 months ago, I replied to you privately.

Yes, I do remember and like I said had a couple of meets but lately nothing, I'm just seeking the advice of other swingers.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Ah, I would take any negative comments off your profile though. Negativity puts some people off.

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By *ojo1964 OP Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Ah, I would take any negative comments off your profile though. Negativity puts some people off."

I really didn't think it was negative. I would you to take a look at it.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Yeah I looked xx

To me , your status message and first paragraph sounds negative, but obviously only to me x

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By *he tactile technicianMan
over a year ago

the good lands, the bad lands, the any where you may want me lands

Hi Rob, I'm afraid that to me your profile is jammed full of negativity! You're a person like everyone else, OK so you have a disability, say that once and concentrate on the positive sie of your personality. Definitely drop the ablebodied crap, it focuses on your neagativity once more, ok so you need someone to accommodate you for who you are, not for what you are...remember that and promote yourself! Good luck and feel free to pm me if you want anymore advice. TT x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly, NONE of us will appeal to everyone regardless.

I did cringe at your status line, and if it wasn't for reading this thread, if I came across it I'd stop reading there. That said, I found the body of your profile positive.

Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd get rid of the status, of make it more of an innuendo, also that daft legal warning taking up half of your profile.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"I'd get rid of the status, of make it more of an innuendo, also that daft legal warning taking up half of your profile."

+1 ,i ahve a general rule of not meeting anyone with the warning,it shows a mentality that does not attract me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's not a bad rule

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By *ojo1964 OP Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"I'd get rid of the status, of make it more of an innuendo, also that daft legal warning taking up half of your profile.

+1 ,i ahve a general rule of not meeting anyone with the warning,it shows a mentality that does not attract me."

Thanks for the advice, I know taken out the warning, I put it in because when I joined a lot of people put the warning on their profiles. (Why do they put it on?) As for the status have a look now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lovely job

Any ladies care to comment?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly keep trying. this site can be hit and miss. You can get to meet some lovely people on here . There are those who are idiots but thats life.

secondly keep trying, and yes those of you who are clever will have noticed its the same as the first.If you dont succeed try,try ,try again. Some people will look for the prefect person ..... personnally dont think anyone is that prefect. We all have our problems , mine is I am fat ugly and have red hair!!

There are those who have more problems than this and of course theres those who have fewer problems but what makes us keep trying to find someone to play with is that we are all horny little fuckers no matter what the outside physical appearance seems to be.

So hang in there. We will all get some fun !!!!!!!!!!

love Q

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not seen the OP's original profile but it doesn't look too bad now.

I'm going to out myself publicly - I have a disability too. I've never mentioned it on my profile because you can't tell from me looking at me that I'm disabled. My legs work fine etc etc, but the nature of my condition carries a stigma in some people's eyes. I don't want to be judged because of my medical situation - I want people to be interested in me because they think I'm sexy and smart and good fun to be with.

That said, every single person I've played with from Fab knows about my disability because I always tell and I don't hide it.

Obviously, my situation gives me the luxury of being able to disclose in my own time, whereas someone using a wheelchair doesn't really have that option.

I think the OP should be open about being in a wheelchair and then just put lots of positive spin on what he can offer to the women on here. And be patient.

Roughly 1 in 6 of the population has a disability so it's a fair bet we are not the only two on here...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not seen the OP's original profile but it doesn't look too bad now.

That said, every single person I've played with from Fab knows about my disability because I always tell and I don't hide it.

Obviously, my situation gives me the luxury of being able to disclose in my own time, whereas someone using a wheelchair doesn't really have that option.

I think the OP should be open about being in a wheelchair and then just put lots of positive spin on what he can offer to the women on here. And be patient.

Roughly 1 in 6 of the population has a disability so it's a fair bet we are not the only two on here...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people will look for the prefect person ..... personally don't think anyone is that prefect. We all have our problems , mine is I am fat ugly and have red hair!!"

Sorry to butt in, but in my _iew those aren't problems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/07/11 21:20:20]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what advice can people give you?

You just have to do the same as everyone else

If people do not want to meet you thats their choice theres nothing anyone can say to you to change that

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By *ojo1964 OP Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Once again, thank you for your advice both the good and bad. I have now changed my status to something, I think is funny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

.... what advice can people give you?

You just have to do the same as everyone else

If people do not want to meet you thats their choice theres nothing anyone can say to you to change that

And yet nineteen posts above ours managed to be positive, give helpful advice and generally try to help the OP...

Others of us would wish Rojo good luck... Even if we didnt understand his situation...

;-)

Others yet would simply read the thread and make no comment... Which in itself would have left the thread clear for those who do have advice...

Me, to repeat other replies..."Patience" and positivity...

Good luck and happy hunting...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A disability is something that stops you doing something that you want to do. If it doesn't stop you then it's not a disability. I'm feeling very philosophical tonight!! Focus on the positive is my advice. Ms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A disability is something that stops you doing something that you want to do. If it doesn't stop you then it's not a disability. I'm feeling very philosophical tonight!! Focus on the positive is my advice. Ms"

If only that were true. Still, you might change your mind should you ever be unfortunate enough to be affected by a chronic health condition or disability yourself.

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By *exybabyMan
over a year ago

Canterbury....ish

If only that were true. Still, you might change your mind should you ever be unfortunate enough to be affected by a chronic health condition or disability yourself. "

If you are in an unfortunate position where you have a disability then unfortunately that disability is for life...a disability does not disappear overnight. There are many, many disabilities that are not 'visible'. It is also, a fact of life, that a disability does have a detrimental effect on a person's self esteem and self worth to the point that it is often very difficult to accept that the average person sees a disability as an inconvenience. Mock the afflicated at your peril because come the day (hopefully not) that you'll be seeking some 'extra' attention that isn't easily forthcoming. Disability or not EVERYBODY deserves to be treated equal and not as 'something on the bottom of your shoe that a dog may have dropped'.

This sorry world of ours is just so judgemental and aspersive....why??...because some people have got nothing better to do than to 'mock the afflicted'. Man, woman or child all deserve the same grace irrespective or race, creed, gender or disability!!

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By *ojo1964 OP Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I was born with Cerebral Palsy, never been able to walk but I'm well educated, have worked for over 25 years wirhout a break, and drive (not just a wheelchair) LOL. so I that dispells your theory.

Having a disability means you have to try harder in life. I'm like everyone on this we all love sex. On the the upside, when I get started I'm cheaper than a rabbit

LOL

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Once again, thank you for your advice both the good and bad. I have now changed my status to something, I think is funny."

I like it

Your profile has changed so much now and looks a lot better.

Good luck

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By *ojo1964 OP Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

What really upsets me are two things.

1. When I do write to someone and they delete it without reading it

and

2. They read it a then that person blocks you from seeing their profile. Why?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

It happens a lot , some people don't answer all mails and others block people if they don't want any contact.

It is probably best to just accept this is how it is sometimes and concentrate on any mails that get answered.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If only that were true. Still, you might change your mind should you ever be unfortunate enough to be affected by a chronic health condition or disability yourself. "

Thats a big assumption. you don't know anything about me apart from whats on my profile and what I post on here.

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By *ojo1964 OP Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

If only that were true. Still, you might change your mind should you ever be unfortunate enough to be affected by a chronic health condition or disability yourself.

Thats a big assumption. you don't know anything about me apart from whats on my profile and what I post on here."

But wasn't you making the same assumption about me. I'm always positive about life and what it throws. Just think about it, I've never been able to walk, so I've never missed it but if you were to have an accident (and I hope you never), you would have to learn to adapt and may never be able to have sex again. With CP you can have sex with full erections, so I have to agree the lady from Manchester on that one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thats a big assumption. you don't know anything about me apart from whats on my profile and what I post on here."

And your profile is currently, conveniently, hidden so you're right - I know nothing about you. But I really don't think you needed to post something so patronising towards disabled people, which is all I have to form an opinion of you. It was quite unnecessary - the OP asked for advice on fixing his profile, he didn't need telling that his disability means he can't do some things, as I'm sure he already knows that.

Those of us living with disabilities already do focus on the positive, the things we can do. I long ago accepted I'm unlikely to hold a driving licence again and my mobility issues meant I also eventually had to face the fact that I'm not safe on a bicycle any more. The day I sold my bike was heartbreaking for me as I love cycling. But do I let it stop me getting around? No, of course not. Likewise, I've grudgingly accepted in the last year that in future it's better for friends to change my lightbulbs for me as I can't manage a step stool now but hey, I'm still 99.9% independent. No point crying over what I've lost. Yes, lost. But I just get on with stuff. And I've never stopped working.

I actually believe that living with a disability for the last 15 years has made me a better person. It has taught me to be far more compassionate than I was, I have learned to be very resilient and I have developed ingenuity to find ways round the things my disability stops me from doing. It has also taught me patience and acceptance.

The biggest disability us disabled people face is the attitude of others towards us, that is far more disabling than our physical conditions or the physical barriers that mean we have to fight for equality in society.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thats a big assumption. you don't know anything about me apart from whats on my profile and what I post on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What really upsets me are two things.

1. When I do write to someone and they delete it without reading it

and

2. They read it a then that person blocks you from seeing their profile. Why? "

That's the way it is on this site. Don't take it personally; move on the next person. There are umpteen threads about it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What really upsets me are two things.

1. When I do write to someone and they delete it without reading it

and

2. They read it a then that person blocks you from seeing their profile. Why? "

1. You don't know whether they've read it or not. You do know their not interested.

2. If they have no intention of meeting you, why not block you?

You should be used to rejection by now for no other reason than your a single guy on a swinging site. If not, get a thicker skin.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"What really upsets me are two things.

1. When I do write to someone and they delete it without reading it

and

2. They read it a then that person blocks you from seeing their profile. Why?

That's the way it is on this site. Don't take it personally; move on the next person. There are umpteen threads about it!"

I thought Rojo was talking to himself then, you have similar avatars

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No problem.. and nothing wrong with talking to yourself, either!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"No problem.. and nothing wrong with talking to yourself, either!"

I do it all the time so it seems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not just me then?

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By *ojo1964 OP Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"What really upsets me are two things.

1. When I do write to someone and they delete it without reading it

and

2. They read it a then that person blocks you from seeing their profile. Why?

1. You don't know whether they've read it or not. You do know their not interested.

2. If they have no intention of meeting you, why not block you?

You should be used to rejection by now for no other reason than your a single guy on a swinging site. If not, get a thicker skin. "

Oh I'm used to the rejection, but I do think people have preconcived ideas what a disabled should be. Not every disabled person is like Stephen Hawkins (Mind I wish I had his brain) LOL

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

Rojo - contratry to what you think and what you have said, you have had an unprecidentedly good streak of luck on fabswingers.

you have had one meet

overall less that 50% of people that join fab ever get even one.

when it comes to single guys, I'd guess that drops to something like 20%.

so you are in fact doing great and not experiencing bad luck.

the lack of response from people you mail is not something unusual - it is just how things are here - and you are clearly better at it than around 80% of able bodied single guys.

well done!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should be used to rejection by now for no other reason than your a single guy on a swinging site. If not, get a thicker skin.

Oh I'm used to the rejection, but I do think people have preconcived ideas what a disabled should be. Not every disabled person is like Stephen Hawkins (Mind I wish I had his brain) LOL"

People have preconceived ideas of every type of person, but I think you do the overwhelming majority a great disservice if you think most people visualise Stephen Hawkins when they think of a disabled person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should be used to rejection by now for no other reason than your a single guy on a swinging site. If not, get a thicker skin.

Oh I'm used to the rejection, but I do think people have preconcived ideas what a disabled should be. Not every disabled person is like Stephen Hawkins (Mind I wish I had his brain) LOL

I agree: an overwhelming disservice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read this post earlier today and have been trying to work out why it struck a 'negative' cord. I'm afraid I haven't been able to.

I respectfully ask Rojo or Sirena to explain why you reacted the way you did to this post, I get the impression it upset you and I'd hate to make the same mistake.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Blackspice.... You are one of the most clear, concise and respectful posters on here.

It is a joy to read your contributions.

And I don't say that often

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Im finding this thread extremely interesting.

This is a swinging site and not a dating site so people are here fundamentally for sex. If you are a wheelchair user mention it in your profile and people can know straight away. You dont need to mention it again. If someone messages you or you message them and you start interacting they are already aware you are a wheelchair user. Then when a meet is in the offering you can explain your individual needs ect. Noone should see their disability negatively whatever it is, its something you have to live with. There are plenty of disabled people on this site of varying degrees

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Blackspice.... You are one of the most clear, concise and respectful posters on here.

It is a joy to read your contributions.

And I don't say that often

I agree: I'm a fan too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Blackspice.... You are one of the most clear, concise and respectful posters on here.

It is a joy to read your contributions.

And I don't say that often

Thank you View. That's very nice of you.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

* nods *

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree: I'm a fan too

That's it I'm blushing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read this post earlier today and have been trying to work out why it struck a 'negative' cord. I'm afraid I haven't been able to.

I respectfully ask Rojo or Sirena to explain why you reacted the way you did to this post, I get the impression it upset you and I'd hate to make the same mistake.

I think it's the assumption that a disability is non-existent if it doesn't stop you from doing something: utter nonsense of course.

I have a colleague that had his leg amputated below the knee last year. He has a prosthetic limb fitted so he's able to walk. The above comment would suggest since he can still walk he's not disabled.

I'm sure he'd disagree!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree: I'm a fan too

That's it I'm blushing!

You've a great handle/username too! (BlackSpice explodes from embarrassment xD)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always had a day-dream fantasy thing about having a blind girlfriend/wife.

She'd be especially vulnerable and I could take care of her! Sound strange when I put it like that, it's a 'kitten-complex', you have these cuddly cute little fellows, kittens and puppies, and you like them because they are fluffy and vulnerable chaps, and I think I'd feel the same way about a blind girl (with a nice pony-tail, lol!)

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

I read this post earlier today and have been trying to work out why it struck a 'negative' cord. I'm afraid I haven't been able to.

I respectfully ask Rojo or Sirena to explain why you reacted the way you did to this post, I get the impression it upset you and I'd hate to make the same mistake.

I think it's the assumption that a disability is non-existent if it doesn't stop you from doing something: utter nonsense of course.

I'm sure he'd disagree!"

Not to mention those with disabilities which are not visible such as autism.i hope my son is never stopped from achieving anything he wants,it doesnt change the fact he is disabled though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

same here and always look forward to reading the posts from blackspice too. I was just trying to be positive with the earlier post and we both know a lot about disability from both a personal point of _iew.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read this post earlier today and have been trying to work out why it struck a 'negative' cord. I'm afraid I haven't been able to.

I respectfully ask Rojo or Sirena to explain why you reacted the way you did to this post, I get the impression it upset you and I'd hate to make the same mistake.

I think it's the assumption that a disability is non-existent if it doesn't stop you from doing something: utter nonsense of course.

Another assumption drawn from what I said. I was just trying (in vain) to be positive about overcoming difficulties/disabilities.

I'm sure he'd disagree!"

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By *ojo1964 OP Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I read this post earlier today and have been trying to work out why it struck a 'negative' cord. I'm afraid I haven't been able to.

I respectfully ask Rojo or Sirena to explain why you reacted the way you did to this post, I get the impression it upset you and I'd hate to make the same mistake.

What I trying to say was this, I have CP and have never walked so I've never missed it but I can have full sex but just imagine if someone who is able-bodied guy lets say an accident breaks their spine and they don't have feeling from the neck down they would confined to a chair and no sex, just think how your life would change.

As for the comment about Stephen Hawkins, its something I regret.

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By *he tactile technicianMan
over a year ago

the good lands, the bad lands, the any where you may want me lands

"Always had a day-dream fantasy thing about having a blind girlfriend/wife.

I could introduce you to just such a woman Adarkhorse, My vanilla GF, we're at a party in Southampton on Saturday if you're free - strictly non swinging vanilla party though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I respectfully ask Rojo or Sirena to explain why you reacted the way you did to this post, I get the impression it upset you and I'd hate to make the same mistake.

Because, as I've already said, it was patronising.

It also showed a profound lack of understanding of any of the issues that people with disabilities deal with.

As with most subjects, if you don't know what you're talking about it's usually best to say nothing.

To give an example along the same lines, the government is about to remove certain essential benefits that disabled people receive in order to help them live (very slightly) more equal lives. They are changing the criterion of mobility to the criterion of access - ergo, if you use a wheelchair you must be mobile and therefore can access places. This completely ignores the fact that the majority of the built environment cannot be accessed by wheelchair users, or even by disabled people who don't use a wheelchair but still struggle with mobility. But hey, the government says that because a law was passed that says buildings should where possible be made accessible we must therefore all be able to access all p[laces and thus do not need benefits. Problem solved.

It's the same kind of ludicrous thinking as that in the post we objected to.

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By *he tactile technicianMan
over a year ago

the good lands, the bad lands, the any where you may want me lands

The truth is that it is society that disables, people are just different, and therefore they deserve equal respect. We are gradually improving the built environment so that we live in a more inclusive society, yet still systemic discrimination towards people exists, individual attitudes towards people that are disabled continue, violence and hatred of disabled people is increasing, and that is why it is crucial that all people disabled or not promote the positiveness and become disability confident. Only by dismantleing the barriers can we start to fully accept people for what they are, how they contribute and what a far more miserable world we would live in without their diversity. We shouldn't rely on statistics but to add further to an earlier post 1 in 4 of the population are or will become a disabled person within their lifetime, they will have friends or family that have a health condition or are impeded from living their life and conducting day to day duties without difficulty.

I am extremely self confident about how I am disabled by sociedue to a continued reliance of an image conscious world, yet I don't allow that to preoccupy my life, on fab I only ask for some accommodation and understanding - the disabling world I live in I am quite happy to talk about for hours and hours, just don't ask me "when did you lose your sight" or make such assumptions on how dreadful it must be living life blind! You wouldn't ask a black man or woman that so accept us for our diversity and let us all concentrate on living a jolly fun and happy life. xx TT

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally agree, TactileTechnician. I too support the social model theory of disability, which says it is society that disables us and prevents us from being treated equally. Even the Disability Discrimination Act underpins this _iew in that the law says discriminating against disabled people is only a civil offence and the onus is the discriminated person to bring a court case (and try doing that if your only income is meagre disability benefits cos you won't get legal aid). Discriminating on racial, gender or religious grounds is a criminal offence, though.

Disability hate crime is rising at a shocking rate, partly because the current government has spent the last year painting disabled people as feckless scroungers. Yet the police often fail to investigate and prosecute offenders.

On here, it saddens me when people air their prejudices about disability. As has been said, disabled people usually just need a little extra flexibility and understanding from people when it comes to sorting out a meet. But if you don't want to meet someone with disabilities, that's fine, it's your choice, but please don't come in here telling us we just need to be positive and then we won't be disabled any more, cos it's bollocks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's a great post.

I agree with the concept and the logic that, as you say, 'it is society that disables, people are just different'. You have explained it very well.

Does that also mean that in a 'utopia' or ideal society the environment we are born into and grow within would not 'disable' anyone?

I know we are a very long way from any such 'utopia' and as Serena has eluded to in her post, we seem to be moving backwards as a society in some respects.

My question is (and please excuse my lack of understanding from the perspective of a disabled person, that's why I ask the question) in an ideal 'fantasy' world that does not disable anyone, would people still be labled disabled or would they just be accepted as being different?

Or do you think in a society sadly obsessed with labelling, we'd just come up with another label?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree with the concept and the logic that, as you say, 'it is society that disables, people are just different'. You have explained it very well.

Does that also mean that in a 'utopia' or ideal society the environment we are born into and grow within would not 'disable' anyone?

I know we are a very long way from any such 'utopia' and as Serena has eluded to in her post, we seem to be moving backwards as a society in some respects.

Or do you think in a society sadly obsessed with labelling, we'd just come up with another label?"

I don't have any issue with being described as disabled, it's preferable to the PC term "differently abled" which was popular in the 1980s, because the fact is that my medical condition does limit my abilities on a daily basis. It means I'm not allowed to hold a driving licence any more and it means I'm not safe to do a number of things that until 15 years ago I wouldn't have given a second thought to, such as cycling or standing on step stools. I'm extremely independent and always have been but I've been living alone for the past 3 years and am now being forced to confront the fact that as I get older I will need more help for more things as it's likely my condition will slowly worsen.

Every thing I do every day is for me a case of risk assessment/management. I probably shouldn't cook alone, for example, because of the risk of fire or injury if I have an attack while doing so. Yet I do, every day. Of course, I take steps to lessen the risks but I'm still risking life and limb. It took me a year to find a coffee table to buy for my home because every time I went looking for one they all had glass tops and I can't have glass topped furniture because of the risk I could fall through it during an attack.

In an ideal world the built environment around me and other disabled people would be hugely more accessible and people's attitudes would be more accepting but we are a very, very long way off that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/07/11 15:00:04]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd get rid of the status, of make it more of an innuendo, also that daft legal warning taking up half of your profile.

+1 ,i ahve a general rule of not meeting anyone with the warning,it shows a mentality that does not attract me."

The legals warnings count for nothing.

How many people on here are going to actually take legal action against any organisations that used their details.

The expense and publicity would be terrible.

It more likely to be other internet users rather than an organisation that use your photos and details.

If any orginastions are reading this, please feel free to use my details

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

without sounding rude (i also use a WC for a snapped acl in my knee when it plays up not the same but i know how it feels when people look at you like shit when your out)

what i would be thinking is can he do the things i need to get into it fully . it says on your profile your in your WC full time . so i wud be thinking can you support yourself , i like to be thrown around the bed lifted up and fucked ect ...

so what wud put me off is the thought that maybe you wud want me to do all the work lol

so what maybe help is letting people know what you can and cant do

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"without sounding rude (i also use a WC for a snapped acl in my knee when it plays up not the same but i know how it feels when people look at you like shit when your out)

so what wud put me off is the thought that maybe you wud want me to do all the work lol

so what maybe help is letting people know what you can and cant do "

Not only do society _iew people in different ways. Disabled people also _iew themselves in different ways as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i was so upset the 1st time i had to use my chair (cudnt use my leg at all went fully and wudnt take any weight) so had the chair in the boot .. a car full of kids thought it was cool and were waving and stuff altho it was sweet that they were intrested made me feel a bit funny ... then inside people pretend not to see you they look and then look somewhere else ... what made me mad was my husbands mate stopped and said hi and completly blanked me

my knee is abit better now so i can walk and do stuff but at least 3 times a month it goes and i am stuck in it for 2 or 3 days if i want to go out and do stuff , its just to painfull in my knee and hip to walk on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In an ideal world the built environment around me and other disabled people would be hugely more accessible and people's attitudes would be more accepting but we are a very, very long way off that. "

People take the words disability or disabled to mean different things. Does disabled refer to the actual medical condition? Or does it refer to the things the medical condition stops an individual from doing or achieving (because of our 'disabling' society)?

E.g driving.

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By *ojo1964 OP Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

In an ideal world the built environment around me and other disabled people would be hugely more accessible and people's attitudes would be more accepting but we are a very, very long way off that.

E.g driving. "

the definition of disablity is: an illness, injury or condition that makes it difficult for someone to do the things that other people do a physical/learning disability

She is deaf, but refuses to let her disability prevent her from doing what she wants to do.

Trying to change attitudes to disability is an uphill struggle

clear as mud....i think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not only do society _iew people in different ways. Disabled people also _iew themselves in different ways as well. "

We do not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People take the words disability or disabled to mean different things. Does disabled refer to the actual medical condition? Or does it refer to the things the medical condition stops an individual from doing or achieving (because of our 'disabling' society)?

E.g driving. "

Both.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

E.g driving.

Both. "

That's interesting because clearly not all 'disabled' people agree. I spoke with a disabled colleague in person today who does not believe the word disabled refers to his medical condition, but to the things his medical condition stops him doing. He doesn't like the word.

He mentioned 'the social model of disability', something I think you refered to in an earlier post. That appears to also suggest a medical condition that causes functional limitations need not necessarily lead to a disability, it blames society for disability.

I think this topic can be tricky to discuss because the different perceptions and _iews held make it an easy one to unwittingly cause offence.

I've learnt from this thread and from talking to some outside of it, been interesting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's interesting because clearly not all 'disabled' people agree. I spoke with a disabled colleague in person today who does not believe the word disabled refers to his medical condition, but to the things his medical condition stops him doing. He doesn't like the word.

I think this topic can be tricky to discuss because the different perceptions and _iews held make it an easy one to unwittingly cause offence.

I've learnt from this thread and from talking to some outside of it, been interesting. "

In saying "both" I was referring to a range of _iewpoints, not necessarily my own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think this topic can be tricky to discuss because the different perceptions and _iews held make it an easy one to unwittingly cause offence.

I've learnt from this thread and from talking to some outside of it, been interesting.

In saying "both" I was referring to a range of _iewpoints, not necessarily my own. "

Which one is yours then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe I've already made my _iews clear.

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By *he tactile technicianMan
over a year ago

the good lands, the bad lands, the any where you may want me lands

This thread has been tremendously fascinating and if it has helped by increasing peoples awareness towards disability that has to be a bonus. Sirena has been extremely erudite in explaining her _iews, but I'm going to throw a spanner in here and further confuse what I think was clear and has been well promoted.

She is deaf, but refuses to let her disability prevent her from doing what she wants to do. Disability? Hmm an interesting notion. DEAF is a culture it is not a disability. DEAF people communicate using their own language and therefore are only disabled in the manner that another person is disabled from understanding somebody else that doesn't speak the same language.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She is deaf, but refuses to let her disability prevent her from doing what she wants to do. Disability? Hmm an interesting notion. DEAF is a culture it is not a disability. DEAF people communicate using their own language and therefore are only disabled in the manner that another person is disabled from understanding somebody else that doesn't speak the same language.

I should point out TactileTechnician is not referring to me. I am not deaf, as any fabbers who have met me will know. However, I have several deaf friends and I would agree that deaf people see their difference as cultural rather than a physical disability. Deafness is unique in that sense (pun not intended).

In my own case, I consider myself legally disabled as my medical condition is included in the disability laws, and for people who have it worse than me it can be extremely physically disabling. From a daily point of _iew, I don't really because I'm not too hindered by the built environment and my problems are largely caused by other people's attitudes to the condition I have.

However, my disability is also what's called a hidden disability - you wouldn't know I am disabled unless I told you or saw me having an attack - I can walk, talk, see, hear and do pretty much 99% of what non-disabled people can do. Obviously, this has a lot of advantages for me as it means I can maintain a very high degree of independence. Although I can't drive, as I have said, or take a bath alone and if I was younger and starting my career I'd discover that I'd be barred from certain jobs (including the police and armed forces). However, my medical condition has never had any effect on my sex life or sexuality. And actually, that's the case for most disabled people - we all still have sexual desires and feelings and can for the most part have sex unaided (some people may need some extra assistance if very severely disabled). With a new partner, the only thing I need to do is give them a very short first aid briefing, for example - just in case (never needed yet!).

The downside is that because my disability is hidden I have to fight in public almost daily for my rights. I am fed up of being told I can't use the disabled toilet and as for asking someone to give up the disabled seat on a bus, nightmare. Passengers see a woman in high heels and think, no, tell me I'm not disabled. Except I need that seat and the extra space it gives me in case I have an attack. And I need the extra space in the disabled loom, as well as knowing there is an alarm cord in there so I can call for help if I need it.

Plus there is the level of risk I live with every day for my safety, which needs constant management. And then there is the risk of sudden death, something my otherwise utterly lovely consultant didn't tell me when he diagnosed me - I only found out by chance some 7 years later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread has been tremendously fascinating and if it has helped by increasing peoples awareness towards disability that has to be a bonus. Sirena has been extremely erudite in explaining her _iews, but I'm going to throw a spanner in here and further confuse what I think was clear and has been well promoted.

Good post, makes you question the basis on which we take things for granted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"......I have several deaf friends and I would agree that deaf people see their difference as cultural rather than a physical disability. Deafness is unique in that sense (pun not intended).

Why is deafness 'unique in that sense'?

Afterall there is still an underlying 'medical condition'.

I do understand what you and others have said about the cultural aspect and society being disabling etc, but I don't understand why it's unique for deafness?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"......I have several deaf friends and I would agree that deaf people see their difference as cultural rather than a physical disability. Deafness is unique in that sense (pun not intended).

Why is deafness 'unique in that sense'?

Afterall there is still an underlying 'medical condition'.

I do understand what you and others have said about the cultural aspect and society being disabling etc, but I don't understand why it's unique for deafness?"

Deafness is the only disability that is cultural rather than medical, for reasons TT has already explained. Not having hearing doesn't stop you from doing anything except hear. And you don't need to be able to hear to communicate - sign language is a language like any other. It has its own vocabulary, slang and jokes etc like any spoken language. This is the major difference between deaf people and other disabled people. If I lost my sight tomorrow I would become profoundly disabled at a stroke because I'd need to spend months being trained to function without vision until I'd learned new skills to take care of myself - washing, dressing, cooking, getting around, etc without assistance. Only then would I be less disabled, because I'd have achieved independence again but I'd still be living in a world designed for people who can see because much of the built environment assumes you can and is not designed for those who can't.

Imagine if you were in a plane crash on a remote island and were the only survivor. Then you suddenly get found by the local tribe, who tend your wounds and feed you while you recover. But you can't talk to them because they don't know any English and you don't know their language. You'd be as disabled as a deaf person in such circumstances until you and the tribe start learning each other's languages. However, once you'd picked up the language skills your disability would disappear.

Deaf-mutes (can't speak either) are very rare but many deaf people can speak fine although us hearing people might have trouble understanding some of their pronunciation because they cannot hear how they sound so don't always get it "right", even if they use hearing aids as these can distort sound. Two deaf friends of mine use a combination of hearing aids and lipreading to function in the hearing world. One can sign, the other has never bothered to learn but now finds he is disabled in the company of other deaf people who only sign!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"......I have several deaf friends and I would agree that deaf people see their difference as cultural rather than a physical disability. Deafness is unique in that sense (pun not intended).

Why is deafness 'unique in that sense'?

Afterall there is still an underlying 'medical condition'.

I do understand what you and others have said about the cultural aspect and society being disabling etc, but I don't understand why it's unique for deafness?

But what about the profoundly deaf people whose hearing aids go funny when there in busy noisy enviroments, they need help becasue they become disorientated and there balance is bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's worth remembering that Deafness and deafness are disabilities within the terms of the Disability Discrimination Act so, yes, it may be primarily cultural but there are loads of d/Deaf people who do not considered themselves to be disabled yet benefit from some of the protections the DDA offered.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But what about the profoundly deaf people whose hearing aids go funny when there in busy noisy enviroments, they need help becasue they become disorientated and there balance is bad"

Says who? Have deaf people themselves told you this? I'm curious to know on what facts you are basing this. Balance has nothing to do with hearing, by the way, even though both happen inside the ear. They do not affect each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's worth remembering that Deafness and deafness are disabilities within the terms of the Disability Discrimination Act so, yes, it may be primarily cultural but there are loads of d/Deaf people who do not considered themselves to be disabled yet benefit from some of the protections the DDA offered."

Absolutely. It is right that deafness is included within the DDA because the social model of disability shows that deaf people face discrimination as much as other disabled people do, for example in employment. Also, some deaf people may have other disabilities too.

In terms of benefits, deafness like other disabilities means it can be more expensive to live day to day. The Disability Living Allowance, for example is meagre but it is non-means tested so you can claim whether employed or unemployed but its aim is to help pay towards the extra costs of having a disability. It's also VERY difficult to make a successful claim for it despite what some papers would have you believe. For deaf people, DLA could be used to help pay for having an assistance dog, for example, or paying privately for hearing aids as NHS ones can be very basic.

DLA is a gateway benefit in that if you are entitled to it, it then means you can access other non-state benefits such as a Disabled Person Railcard, which allows you not just discounted train travel for yourself but also for a travelling companion acting as your carer. You can't get the national disabled concession bus pass either without showing proof of receipt of DLA. This is why disabled people are very concerned about the attack on disability welfare right now - we face losing not just DLA but the gateway benefits we can access through it. I am fairly sure I will lose my DLA in the shake-up - it goes almost entirely on subsidising my mobility needs, including free bus travel and reduced train fares and this enables me to keep working. Without my DLA I may well have to stop working and depend on the state for support, which benefits no one, certainly not the tax payers (and I am one as a worker so I pay into the communal pot with my taxes and NI - that contribution from me will disappear if I have to stop working).

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"But what about the profoundly deaf people whose hearing aids go funny when there in busy noisy enviroments, they need help becasue they become disorientated and there balance is bad

Yes deaf people have told me this, my sister worke with a young guy who was prfoundly deaf. When he was in busy built up areas ie a city or crossing roads where there was alot of traffic he needed to walk linking arms with some one as his balance was unstable and he became disorientated.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

All disabled people have different needs. All disabled people have different _iews on disability. This thread is proof of that. Disabled people are individuals just like everyone else so therefore will all act and think differently. It is unlawful to discriminate against disabled people and there are "crutches" in the form of careers, equipment ect out there for those that need it to lead as much as a full life as is possible dependant on the disability

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

You can't get the national disabled concession bus pass either without showing proof of receipt of DLA

That isnt true, it may be true for your country but it changes from county to county. Its not available in some counties and in others you just need a doctors signiture to proove that you are unable to hold a driving licence because of your disability

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

County not country

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But what about the profoundly deaf people whose hearing aids go funny when there in busy noisy enviroments, they need help becasue they become disorientated and there balance is bad

Do profoundly deaf people use hearing aids?

My understanding is that profoundly deaf people can't benefit from hearing aids - in exactly the same way as totally blind people won't benefit from spectacles.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"But what about the profoundly deaf people whose hearing aids go funny when there in busy noisy enviroments, they need help becasue they become disorientated and there balance is bad

Do profoundly deaf people use hearing aids?

My understanding is that profoundly deaf people can't benefit from hearing aids - in exactly the same way as totally blind people won't benefit from spectacles."

Ok severely deaf whatever you want to call people that wear strong hearing aids

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw an article sometime ago of some guys who are at the forefront of developing a microchip and electrode 'machine' that will eventually allow blind people to see.

I have seen cars that drive themselves, you don't touch the brakes accelerator or steering wheel, the technology is here today. If you are disabled by society from driving, society will progress to eradicate that disability one day.

Stephen Hawkins can talk, all be it via a machine, but imagine the technology in 10, 20, 100 years.

I would suggest that some of the disabilities of yesterday are the diseases and medical conditions of today. As a society we have technical and medical advances that reduce the impact of medical conditions on the life of the individual.

So I respectfully ask, when does a disability stop being a disability and become just a medical condition*. Is it when society has developed the culture, and technology so that the individual with the medical condition can do all the things they want to?

The definition suggests this is the case, am I missing something?

Or is a disability always a disability, no matter what?

* by use of the word 'just' I mean no disrespect that the medical condition may be a serious one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The wiki page on disability gives some good info.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All disabled people have different needs. All disabled people have different _iews on disability. This thread is proof of that. Disabled people are individuals just like everyone else so therefore will all act and think differently. It is unlawful to discriminate against disabled people and there are "crutches" in the form of careers, equipment ect out there for those that need it to lead as much as a full life as is possible dependant on the disability"

Well said. Your so right.

I would add that the fact there are so many different _iews on disability from people with 'disabilities' can make an open conversation on such a potentially sensitive subject rare. It's so easy for an 'able' person to unwittingly offend a 'disabled' person by voicing an alternative _iew to theirs, even if that 'able' person has good awareness and their _iew is held by other disabled people!

I guess it's the same with some other subject matters. I'm from the camp that promotes as much open discussion about 'sensitive' subjects as possible, it helps to raise the bar of awareness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I saw an article sometime ago of some guys who are at the forefront of developing a microchip and electrode 'machine' that will eventually allow blind people to see.

Stephen Hawkins can talk, all be it via a machine, but imagine the technology in 10, 20, 100 years.

The definition suggests this is the case, am I missing something?

Or is a disability always a disability, no matter what?

* by use of the word 'just' I mean no disrespect that the medical condition may be a serious one. "

A lot of people use technology already to manage living with disabilities. You mention Stephen Hawking but there are also deaf people who use cochlear implants and people with epilepsy who have a vagal nerve stimulator (VNS) - two great examples of implanted technology through surgery. There's also the more obvious things such as prosthetic limbs for amputees, some of which look pretty bionic.

I'd say, though, that as fantastic as surgical advances through technology can be, they do not cure the disability - the best they can do is make living with it better/easier/more manageable. So talk of "eradication" is misleading.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cochlear implants are a source of great debate in the d/Deaf community.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well said. Your so right.

I guess it's the same with some other subject matters. I'm from the camp that promotes as much open discussion about 'sensitive' subjects as possible, it helps to raise the bar of awareness. "

Ive been thinking about this and the only solution i can come up with is changing the word disabled. The word disabled straight away gives of negative vibes.

When we here the word disabled we automatically jump to conclusions, no we dont think of steven hawkins but we do think its something that inpacts on that persons life in a big way.

If disability means imperfection than the range of disabilites is incredible.

If we sub catogarized disabily and and prefixed the word it might be easier for people to understand.

Here some examples

Able bodied midly disabled

Able bodied moderatly disabled

Able bodied severely disabled

Wheelchair user midly disabled

and so on

But the catogaries wouldnt depend on the illness but what impact it has on your life.

Example, if someone is in a wheelchair but it has none or very little impact on their lives they would come under wheelchair user midly disabled.

Which would mean they need wheelchair access but apart from that pretty much look afterthemselves.

So the level of disability wouldnt be on what the condition was but on what impact it had on someones life.

Someone with agrophobia would fall into a higher catogary because it stops them doing more.

I dont think people need to know what someones disability is but the needs they have because of it. Straight away by using the groups ive given if someone ws to say to you over the telephone they where moderatly disabled, you would know that they need a reasonable level of help to get around.

Unless we are going to be dealing with a person everyday on either a work basis, personal basis, relationship basis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/07/11 15:01:34]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive been thinking about this and the only solution i can come up with is changing the word disabled. The word disabled straight away gives of negative vibes.

When we here the word disabled we automatically jump to conclusions, no we dont think of steven hawkins but we do think its something that inpacts on that persons life in a big way.

If disability means imperfection than the range of disabilites is incredible.

If we sub catogarized disabily and and prefixed the word it might be easier for people to understand.

Here some examples

Able bodied midly disabled

Able bodied moderatly disabled

Able bodied severely disabled

Wheelchair user midly disabled

and so on

But the catogaries wouldnt depend on the illness but what impact it has on your life.

Example, if someone is in a wheelchair but it has none or very little impact on their lives they would come under wheelchair user midly disabled.

Which would mean they need wheelchair access but apart from that pretty much look afterthemselves.

So the level of disability wouldnt be on what the condition was but on what impact it had on someones life.

Someone with agrophobia would fall into a higher catogary because it stops them doing more.

Unless we are going to be dealing with a person everyday on either a work basis, personal basis, relationship basis. "

I can't begin to explain how offended I am by this.

Firstly, perhaps before you start touting "solutions" you should find out the _iews of the disabled community themselves, instead of deciding to relabel us from the top down. This is typical of the old "does he take sugar?" attitude in which the ablebodied decide what's best for disabled people. Excuse me - we're quite capable of advocating for ourselves, thanks very much. We do not need to be further patronised.

I find this new list that ranks people by disability incredibly offensive, too. It's as bad as the tags the government currently uses to rate people according to how much care package and/or benefits they are entitled to receive and we all know how accurate that is! That is to say, not at all.

You can't make assumptions about anyone's needs just because they say over the phone they are "moderately disabled". It's meaningless in any practicab;e sense.

Why? Because we are all individuals, with individual needs. One person's moderate disability and need for help will never be identical to another person with a so-called moderate disability.

Too angry to type anymore for fear of breaking forum rules. Except to say once again, it's offensive and I'm disgusted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And another thing, disability does NOT mean imperfection.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"And another thing, disability does NOT mean imperfection. "

I think you will find in some cases it is.

If you want to be offended then that is your right.

But you have basically said what i said in my previous post about all disabled people being individuals.

YOU as a disabled person can speak for yourself, and the people you know/ are in contact with.

But please dont assume that you are speaking for ALL disabled people.

Plus it was merely a suggestion, if you cant disagree with a suggestion and put your own suggestions forward without becoming deeply offended then that is entirely up to you. The intention was never their to offend anyone, but it also proves that "suggestions" cant even be suggested without someone getting offended by it.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Also i could be deeply offended by comments that you have made in your last post. But im the sort of person that doesnt mind a debate, you are certainly not aware of the full facts in your last thread yet made assumptions

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I apologize for using the word imperfection i actually ment to put impairment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think 'cure the disability' is a good choice of words, if a disability arises when a person is restricted from an action or activity because of a medical condition. If you remove the restriction then you remove the disabling effect, the medical condition remains. Medical advances may one day cure the medical condition, which will in turn remove the disability.

If technological advances can remove the 'disabling' effect of a medical condition then they surely eradicate that aspect of the disability (not the medical condition).

Looking at an example mentioned earlier, driving, there are cars that you get into, state your destination, and sit back. The car 'drives itself' from A to B with zero steering, braking, acceleration from the 'driver'. The technology is already here :FACT.

In the future it is believed all cars will travel this way. Come this day it is irrelevant whether it's someone currently 'disabled' from driving or me behind the wheel. Technology would have eradicated that aspect of the persons disability, their ability to transport themself by car.

No one is remotely suggesting it 'cures' the medical condition, but would they still be classed as disabled when it comes to driving?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't begin to explain how offended I am by this.

You can't make assumptions about anyone's needs just because they say over the phone they are "moderately disabled". It's meaningless in any practicab;e sense.

Why? Because we are all individuals, with individual needs. One person's moderate disability and need for help will never be identical to another person with a so-called moderate disability.

Too angry to type anymore for fear of breaking forum rules. Except to say once again, it's offensive and I'm disgusted. "

I'll start by saying I'm very saddened that you have been offended to this degree. It's a shame to think that this thread has offended anyone.

That said I know from experience what it feels like to be offended, I understand the difference between someone intentionally insulting, someone not caring whether they offend or not, and someone with absolutely no intention of causing offence.

It is clear to anyone reading this thread that Diamond falls into the last category. I believe your reaction is over the top. This thread was an opportunity for you to help others less aware about the finer points of a very difficult subject for 'able' bodied people to debate.

Your reaction to an opinion and suggestion demonstrates why most people would just choose to pass a topic like this by.

You may be disgusted by what I'm saying, I can assure you it's not personal but I'm not here for popularity I'm here to say what I believe and I believe your reaction was unfair in the context of the debate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having said that 'imperfection' was definitely the wrong word to use, but an apology has been made.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I completely agree and support what blackspice is saying. The voice of reason and sensibility as always.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...........

Ive been thinking about this and the only solution i can come up with is changing the word disabled. The word disabled straight away gives of negative vibes.

................. "

Our American cousins tried to popularise the expression 'differently abled'.

It never really caught on.

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By *he tactile technicianMan
over a year ago

the good lands, the bad lands, the any where you may want me lands

Just caught up with all of the contributions on this thread again. I am pleased that so many people can talk candidly about a subject that to so many in society the mere thought of is abhorrent and repulsive. OK, so people will disagree, and make statements that may indeed cause offence, sound patronising, but attitudes will only be changed by debating disability and its affects on people.

Some of the statements like living a fuller life can be misconstrued, because there will always be a lot of emotion wrapped up around disability - the medical model of disability was responsible and still has to be brought to account for peoples reliance on seeing people with an impairment or long term medical condition as being less of a person. I realise it was a Freudian slip, but imperfect? It speaks for the historic reliance on the medical model of disability

somebody who has an imperfection, something that within them is broken, and that requires medical intervention.

I don’t think that labels will truly ever reflect or sit comfortably with everyone. We should take our lead from the Black movement. Black is now an accepted term and one that on the whole I think most people consider to be a good label; if such a label is required as a term of description. Similarly disabled fits, it draws absolutely no attention to the medical condition or impairment of any individual if people were to use it objectively and dispense with the emotion that is unavoidably bundled up in some people especially as they come to terms with being disabled due to how their medical condition or health condition will impact on how they live their lives.

I am certainly no less a person, neither is Sirena, or Rob, we live equally fulfilled lives as anyone else. Yes we are disabled, so what! Some people are able to detach themselves from the emotions that others find difficult, we channel that sensation into passion and getting the most from our lives. We develop coping mechanisms and use aids to ensure that we maximise upon opportunity. Sirena, Rob, myself, and Diamondgals friend will always be disabled, but that doesn’t mean that we are any less a person than the next man or woman within society. If it is necessary for any of us to use medication for our health condition than that is no different to anyone else, we recognise our limitations living in an environment that wasn’t designed nor built to be inclusibe and adapt accordingly. We use auxiliary aids, prosthetic limbs, technology and we embrace positive attitudes towards helping us. All we ask in return is that people recognise us, empower us, and assume nothing. We do not want non disabled people to speak on our behalf or make any unqualified decisions about what we are able to do and what we want on our behalf.

I don’t want a woman not to make the effort to look and dress in the most stunning and sexy outfit because she feels that I won’t appreciate it, if people are unsure and a disabled person makes them feel out of their comfort zone…ask!!! Ask how you may best help that person, what can you do to accommodate their disability. I think that many people will be surprised, and quickly find that they had no reason to feel unsure.

Finally, as I know I have gone on here, the symbol of a stick figure wheelchair user has been the one most damaging image that has caused so much stereotyping of disabled people. We don’t need a symbol! We are disabled! Like people are also black! Enough said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quality TT, that post is absolutely top draw. Well said fella.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Quality TT, that post is absolutely top draw. Well said fella. "

Ditto from us. Fantastic post TT.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

and a big thumbs up from me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah I looked xx

To me , your status message and first paragraph sounds negative, but obviously only to me x"

wow rugby your good , mmm wanna check mine for me xx

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By *ojo1964 OP Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Great post by The tactile technician

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