FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swinging Support and Advice

What constitutes cheating?

Jump to newest
 

By *ensualguy10 OP   Man
over a year ago

north yorkshire

Two years ago my wife (who is older than me) completely lost her sex drive. When we had a frank discussion about this I told her that I felt extremely sexually frustrated. She told me to do something about it, which is why I am Fab. My point is this. If I am going to meet someone from this site I usually tell my wife that I am simply going out for a few hours. She accepts this and never asks questions, not even when she walked into my office (home-based) and caught me logged on to the site (I did shut the screen down but not quickly enough). Is this cheating or is this using my discretion?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what would your wife say it is?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensualguy10 OP   Man
over a year ago

north yorkshire

Not sure,she probably suspects but seems to turn a blind eye, believe or not we are happily married in every other sense.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondladyWoman
over a year ago

titsville

Tell her about it and if she accepts it then your not cheating are you!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

Maybe your conversation wasn't quite 'frank' enough.

When she said 'go and do something about it' did she mean go have a wank? Or buy a toy? Or pay for an escort? Or have NSA sex with other women?

I accept she may not want to acknowledge or know what you're up to every time but you need to get the specifics in place. If you get the ground rules established from the outset then you needn't thrust your trysts in her face every time but you'll know you're not technically cheating as she will have sanctioned your actions in principle even if she doesn't want the details.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensualguy10 OP   Man
over a year ago

north yorkshire

[Removed by poster at 22/06/11 15:37:51]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensualguy10 OP   Man
over a year ago

north yorkshire

Fair comment Emm n Zed, but as part of our frank discussion I told her I was fed up taking myself in hand, which is when she told me to do something about it then.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I would ask her to elaborate on what she meant by " do something about it" as she could well mean go do some DIY on yourself and not to go out and have sex with someone else.

But, I do have a friend who said more or less the same thing as your wife said, and she knows he goes off to meet a / lots of women for sex and turns a blind eye. As long as he doesn't rub her nose it in it, she doesn't comment.

Communicate with your wife, as it is impossible for us to know what she means if you don't.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I was the wife, I'd class it as cheating. She didn't clarify the 'do something about it' comment and you didn't ask. I think you're taking a big risk and ultimately kidding yourself in my opinion

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

This is what I meant - it really only needs clarifying the once ... awkward though that may be.

Then you can just get on with it discretely and with sensitivity and tact.

Applying your interpretation to an ambiguous comment could lead to disaster.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Two years ago my wife (who is older than me) completely lost her sex drive. When we had a frank discussion about this I told her that I felt extremely sexually frustrated. She told me to do something about it, which is why I am Fab. My point is this. If I am going to meet someone from this site I usually tell my wife that I am simply going out for a few hours. She accepts this and never asks questions, not even when she walked into my office (home-based) and caught me logged on to the site (I did shut the screen down but not quickly enough). Is this cheating or is this using my discretion? "

Jems law no.34 Dont ask for validation on internet forums.

Yes if you fuck someone without your wife knowing it is adultery...only you know if she is aware of your activities and turning a blind eye or being deceived.Or indeed deceiving herself.From your knowledge of her which do you think it is ?

If she really said look elsewhere,tell her you are,problem solved.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *im halpertMan
over a year ago

redditch


"Not sure,she probably suspects but seems to turn a blind eye, believe or not we are happily married in every other sense.

"
I think she knows or has an idea,and doesnt want to upset an otherwise happy marriage,so says nothing xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensualguy10 OP   Man
over a year ago

north yorkshire

Thank you asexymids2, my point exactly, neither of us willing to rock the boat simply because she has lost her libido which wasn't her fault (her mother went the same way at about the same age) xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey


"I would ask her to elaborate on what she meant by " do something about it" as she could well mean go do some DIY on yourself and not to go out and have sex with someone else.

But, I do have a friend who said more or less the same thing as your wife said, and she knows he goes off to meet a / lots of women for sex and turns a blind eye. As long as he doesn't rub her nose it in it, she doesn't comment.

Communicate with your wife, as it is impossible for us to know what she means if you don't."

nods in agreement

Couldn't have put it better myself..so not going to try

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agree with Ruggers.

And I think by asking the question and closing Fab down quickly when she walked in you probably realise you aren't doing the right thing.

Communication is the key here. Good luck with it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *r n mrs swingCouple
over a year ago

pontefract

Your profile says looking for regular meets to.me that says u want a blatant affair if u was mine well !!! x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ishful.thinkingWoman
over a year ago

east london


"Your profile says looking for regular meets to.me that says u want a blatant affair if u was mine well !!! x "

I agree and on a personal level the more regular the meet without my partners involvement would possibly lead to more complicated problems than a lost libido

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *r n mrs swingCouple
over a year ago

pontefract


"Your profile says looking for regular meets to.me that says u want a blatant affair if u was mine well !!! x

I agree and on a personal level the more regular the meet without my partners involvement would possibly lead to more complicated problems than a lost libido "

Exactly

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

To me, what you're doing is cheating - pure & simple. Z

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ibrosMan
over a year ago

harrow

Sex is a basic part of any long term relationship. When it is absent the relationship is undermined. I'm not sure that regular meets have that kind of risk, when the sexual relationship with your long term partner is sound.

Couples remain together for any number of reasons. The OP knows better than anyone the nuances of communication with his spouse. Sure, clearly spelled out, with pictures and labels is less ambiguous, but may not be necessary or desired by either partner.

The OP's question asked if the situation he describes is cheating or discretion.

You already know the answer. If you need to ask us for validation, I suspect what you are doing is cheating.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

To the OP,

Is your wife happy that her libido has gone? or is she just accepting it because her mum was the same?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I ain't being nosey or judgmental

But two things have occurred to me

1 Have you and your wife got to the bottom of her lack of sex drive??

2 If it were kinda suggested by ya wife that ya go look then surly she wouldn't mind you mentioning Fab then??

After all it would really be all above board and ok then wont it and you wouldn't have ta worry xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think you have posted this question before.

maybe under a different name but i remember reading something very similar to this.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i think you have posted this question before.

maybe under a different name but i remember reading something very similar to this."

Many guys post attempting to validate being here without their wife.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ibrosMan
over a year ago

harrow


"i think you have posted this question before.

maybe under a different name but i remember reading something very similar to this.

Many guys post attempting to validate being here without their wife. "

Agree!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall


"Not sure,she probably suspects but seems to turn a blind eye, believe or not we are happily married in every other sense.

"

Your discussion with your wife, in my opinion, was indeed not frank enough. When she told you to do something about it she may have meant leave the marriage, or go to theraphy or accompany her to the doctor... the list is endless. I suspect you know that this is cheating but are hoping that a flippant comment your wife once made during an argument is a get out of jail free card, which it isnt. Im not judging you, just answering your question.

Mistress x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Two years ago my wife (who is older than me) completely lost her sex drive. When we had a frank discussion about this I told her that I felt extremely sexually frustrated. She told me to do something about it, which is why I am Fab. My point is this. If I am going to meet someone from this site I usually tell my wife that I am simply going out for a few hours. She accepts this and never asks questions, not even when she walked into my office (home-based) and caught me logged on to the site (I did shut the screen down but not quickly enough). Is this cheating or is this using my discretion? "
of course you are cheating you have more or less admitting it to yourself by closing the lid of your laptop...at least have the guts to tell the poor woman what you are doing...i meen if the boot was on the other foot ....need i say more .yup you join the long que of cheats on here in afraid

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Thank you asexymids2, my point exactly, neither of us willing to rock the boat simply because she has lost her libido which wasn't her fault (her mother went the same way at about the same age) xx"

Sorry but libido is not hereditary,she may have convinced herself this is normal because it happened to her mother,but there are solutions.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensualguy10 OP   Man
over a year ago

north yorkshire

Mr n Mrs Swing, lots and lots of peeps on this site say they are looking for regular meets, why are you so judgemental?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Mr n Mrs Swing, lots and lots of peeps on this site say they are looking for regular meets, why are you so judgemental?"

Cos you asked for our judgement.

Married couples wanting regular meets is totally different to someone looking for an affair.Quite frankly there are sites for that and i wish adulterers would use them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ingmasterMan
over a year ago

nottingham


"Two years ago my wife (who is older than me) completely lost her sex drive. When we had a frank discussion about this I told her that I felt extremely sexually frustrated. She told me to do something about it, which is why I am Fab. My point is this. If I am going to meet someone from this site I usually tell my wife that I am simply going out for a few hours. She accepts this and never asks questions, not even when she walked into my office (home-based) and caught me logged on to the site (I did shut the screen down but not quickly enough). Is this cheating or is this using my discretion? "

I say fill ya boots with a clear concience . you say you approached your wife about this issue and her very off hand response suggests she has very little care about your needs or feelings and no wish to find a solution within the marriage. surely she is in breech of the marriage vows herslf . Do what you want , no one should have to defend their reasons for using this site . just concentrate on finding playmates who are more understanding of the situation and avoid the many holier than thou's on here. afterall everyone on this site wouldnt survive the scrutiny of the outside world if their lifestyle choices were held under the microscope .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

And his solution as far as we know is to cheat?

Have they been to the doctors,a therapist,relate?i may be holier than thou, i quite like the fact i dont leave my morals behind when i swing.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i think you have posted this question before.

maybe under a different name but i remember reading something very similar to this."

Yep...it was definately him...!!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *r n mrs swingCouple
over a year ago

pontefract


"Mr n Mrs Swing, lots and lots of peeps on this site say they are looking for regular meets, why are you so judgemental?

Cos you asked for our judgement.

Married couples wanting regular meets is totally different to someone looking for an affair.Quite frankly there are sites for that and i wish adulterers would usevem."

exactly u asked our opinion that's mine pure and simple I see u as a cheat and feel sorry for your wife the reason we would never meet married men

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

I like to think that the op's wife is actually playing the same game. She hasn't gone off sex at all and is off meeting lovely, yummy younger guys a couple of times a week whilst hubby is out trying to get his rocks off! Poetic scenario! Z

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"I like to think that the op's wife is actually playing the same game. She hasn't gone off sex at all and is off meeting lovely, yummy younger guys a couple of times a week whilst hubby is out trying to get his rocks off! Poetic scenario! Z"

Wouldnt make it right for her either! But it would be funny if they met each other in a club one week!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton


"

I say fill ya boots with a clear concience . you say you approached your wife about this issue and her very off hand response suggests she has very little care about your needs or feelings and no wish to find a solution within the marriage. surely she is in breech of the marriage vows herslf . Do what you want , no one should have to defend their reasons for using this site . just concentrate on finding playmates who are more understanding of the situation and avoid the many holier than thou's on here. afterall everyone on this site wouldnt survive the scrutiny of the outside world if their lifestyle choices were held under the microscope ."

oh i must of missed the bit in my marriage vows stating you must shag hubby everytime hes horny lol!

as for her taking lil care of ops needs and feelings ...how do you know ? you have no clue what was said and discussed and any background to this .we just have ops side of the story . what about his wifes feelings and needs? what if there medical reasons why his wifes lost interest in sex ?? the "vows" youve quoted do state in sickness and in health ...

point is we have little but ops version of events to go by and hardly enough to make such sweeping statements and assumptions .

by using the site to get his end away the op is only dealing with the symptons and not the cause of the problem . hed be best using his energies and time finding out why his wife has lost interest and his marriage.

he may find its a medical issue which then doctor can help with . if not he may find he doesnt make his wife feel wanted and sexy ,which is a huge thing for a women trust me ! thing is we dont know, but if hes does EVERYTHING he possible can and still theres the lack of sex issue he can either accept it or walk away with a clear conscience (if thats the deal breaker ). if the op and his wife decide openly and frankly that he can see a woman then she have no issues knowing he on the site or that hes organised a meet .which at present that honesty is missing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You cant beat the power of female intuition. You both love each other in a sexless marrige and she knows you have needs she proberbly already knows what goes on but would rather not discuss it. Talk to her though and if she is happy with this arrangement just dont flounce it front of her.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top