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Do we 'fit' in to the scene..

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By *ibertine_Lifestyle OP   Couple
over a year ago

Sheerness

Sorry this is going to be a bit of a long winded one but just something I noticed last night..So we have had a years break after I fell pregnant and had our boy almost 5 months ago. Previous to that we were still fairly new to the swinger scene as a couple.

We started out just soft swap although now open to full swap if it happens. We don't like to plan an awful lot just go with the flow.

Anyway so last night we went to a club and noticed that a lot of the couples would go off, do their own thing separately even to the point of having a bit of a touch / kiss on the dance floor with someone else..like I would say 80% of the couples there and we got chatting to a lovely couple who said that that is what they do..it is what all their swinger friends do and they couldn't understand why you would just play in the rooms and then act as if nothing had happened outside of the rooms.

Now we love playing with other couples and singles but we genuinely always play together and even if I had been in the playroom doing whatever with X and Y, I wouldn't then start touching on the dancefloor. Maybe it is because we are new to it or maybe just the way we choose to play but I felt like I needed to justify why we enjoyed swinging if we didn't do what most others did Have any of you had any similar issues? Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Play however you feel comfortable doing so. When we visit clubs we use the social areas to be social, and go into private rooms to play if we click!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry this is going to be a bit of a long winded one but just something I noticed last night..So we have had a years break after I fell pregnant and had our boy almost 5 months ago. Previous to that we were still fairly new to the swinger scene as a couple.

We started out just soft swap although now open to full swap if it happens. We don't like to plan an awful lot just go with the flow.

Anyway so last night we went to a club and noticed that a lot of the couples would go off, do their own thing separately even to the point of having a bit of a touch / kiss on the dance floor with someone else..like I would say 80% of the couples there and we got chatting to a lovely couple who said that that is what they do..it is what all their swinger friends do and they couldn't understand why you would just play in the rooms and then act as if nothing had happened outside of the rooms.

Now we love playing with other couples and singles but we genuinely always play together and even if I had been in the playroom doing whatever with X and Y, I wouldn't then start touching on the dancefloor. Maybe it is because we are new to it or maybe just the way we choose to play but I felt like I needed to justify why we enjoyed swinging if we didn't do what most others did Have any of you had any similar issues? Xx"

I would think we'd be the same. But then we like privacy.

I wouldn't blank anyone after and would still chat etc but not sure I'd want to carry on bits of it outside the room.

Maybe that's because we're new too and not fully used to what is the 'norm' although whatever you're happy doing should be the norm for you.

At the end of the day, just do whatever you feel comfortable

Mrs

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Firstly I will say never, ever justify the way you enjoy swinging. This is about choice, preferences and pleasure. If anyone suggests you should be doing what they're doing or youre wrong I would avoid them.

We dont kiss our meets and if we had a quid for the number of times we've been told we're wrong we would have a lot of money.

Never justify, never explain if someone has different ideas to you it just means youre not compatible.

Good luck and enjoy things your way

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Sorry this is going to be a bit of a long winded one but just something I noticed last night..So we have had a years break after I fell pregnant and had our boy almost 5 months ago. Previous to that we were still fairly new to the swinger scene as a couple.

We started out just soft swap although now open to full swap if it happens. We don't like to plan an awful lot just go with the flow.

Anyway so last night we went to a club and noticed that a lot of the couples would go off, do their own thing separately even to the point of having a bit of a touch / kiss on the dance floor with someone else..like I would say 80% of the couples there and we got chatting to a lovely couple who said that that is what they do..it is what all their swinger friends do and they couldn't understand why you would just play in the rooms and then act as if nothing had happened outside of the rooms.

Now we love playing with other couples and singles but we genuinely always play together and even if I had been in the playroom doing whatever with X and Y, I wouldn't then start touching on the dancefloor. Maybe it is because we are new to it or maybe just the way we choose to play but I felt like I needed to justify why we enjoyed swinging if we didn't do what most others did Have any of you had any similar issues? Xx

I would think we'd be the same. But then we like privacy.

I wouldn't blank anyone after and would still chat etc but not sure I'd want to carry on bits of it outside the room.

Maybe that's because we're new too and not fully used to what is the 'norm' although whatever you're happy doing should be the norm for you.

At the end of the day, just do whatever you feel comfortable

Mrs "

There is no norm.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a place for everyone. Do your thing at your pace in your way. I have found the scene to be friendly, welcoming and respectful of boundaries. Be happy and have fun in whatever way you wish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry this is going to be a bit of a long winded one but just something I noticed last night..So we have had a years break after I fell pregnant and had our boy almost 5 months ago. Previous to that we were still fairly new to the swinger scene as a couple.

We started out just soft swap although now open to full swap if it happens. We don't like to plan an awful lot just go with the flow.

Anyway so last night we went to a club and noticed that a lot of the couples would go off, do their own thing separately even to the point of having a bit of a touch / kiss on the dance floor with someone else..like I would say 80% of the couples there and we got chatting to a lovely couple who said that that is what they do..it is what all their swinger friends do and they couldn't understand why you would just play in the rooms and then act as if nothing had happened outside of the rooms.

Now we love playing with other couples and singles but we genuinely always play together and even if I had been in the playroom doing whatever with X and Y, I wouldn't then start touching on the dancefloor. Maybe it is because we are new to it or maybe just the way we choose to play but I felt like I needed to justify why we enjoyed swinging if we didn't do what most others did Have any of you had any similar issues? Xx

I would think we'd be the same. But then we like privacy.

I wouldn't blank anyone after and would still chat etc but not sure I'd want to carry on bits of it outside the room.

Maybe that's because we're new too and not fully used to what is the 'norm' although whatever you're happy doing should be the norm for you.

At the end of the day, just do whatever you feel comfortable

Mrs

There is no norm. "

Definitely not. Just your own. But then I like to go outside the norm. Makes things a little more exciting

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I get uncomfortable witnessing PDAs and overt sexuality. Which is a bit of a bummer when I am part of this lifestyle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

so you used them as cum n dumps? lol

I know what you mean though...of course this is where a lot of couples also fail...they become over familiar thinking they should be your special interest, that night,or the next...eventually a clique forms etc etc

*I've not always been a single swinger"*

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"

I would think we'd be the same. But then we like privacy.

I wouldn't blank anyone after and would still chat etc but not sure I'd want to carry on bits of it outside the room.

Maybe that's because we're new too and not fully used to what is the 'norm' although whatever you're happy doing should be the norm for you.

At the end of the day, just do whatever you feel comfortable

Mrs

There is no norm.

Definitely not. Just your own. But then I like to go outside the norm. Makes things a little more exciting

"

Us too. I don't understand why some people like to imply their way is the only way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps they all know each other. Swinging can be very incestuous.

Do what makes you happy. Ignore anyone that tells you that your way is wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Perhaps they all know each other. Swinging can be very incestuous.

Do what makes you happy. Ignore anyone that tells you that your way is wrong. "

I think polygamist is a better word lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I would think we'd be the same. But then we like privacy.

I wouldn't blank anyone after and would still chat etc but not sure I'd want to carry on bits of it outside the room.

Maybe that's because we're new too and not fully used to what is the 'norm' although whatever you're happy doing should be the norm for you.

At the end of the day, just do whatever you feel comfortable

Mrs

There is no norm.

Definitely not. Just your own. But then I like to go outside the norm. Makes things a little more exciting

Us too. I don't understand why some people like to imply their way is the only way."

I think the phrase 'each to their own' was made for swinging.

Just respect other's choices and you'll have a great time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Perhaps they all know each other. Swinging can be very incestuous.

Do what makes you happy. Ignore anyone that tells you that your way is wrong.

I think polygamist is a better word lol"

I mean there's whole groups of people that have fucked each other. Less than 6 degrees of separation between anyone.

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By *ibertine_Lifestyle OP   Couple
over a year ago

Sheerness

No we definitely wouldn't blank anyone, we would continue to chat outside may get a bit flirty whilst we are all sat together and suggest going in to a playroom. I just wouldn't start rubbing up next to the guy of the couple on the dancefloor whilst R was standing around talking to someone else for example. I guess you just have to be confident in the way you swing and not feel like you need to justify it x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"No we definitely wouldn't blank anyone, we would continue to chat outside may get a bit flirty whilst we are all sat together and suggest going in to a playroom. I just wouldn't start rubbing up next to the guy of the couple on the dancefloor whilst R was standing around talking to someone else for example. I guess you just have to be confident in the way you swing and not feel like you need to justify it x"

Yes, you do. Don't do anything just because other people do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No we definitely wouldn't blank anyone, we would continue to chat outside may get a bit flirty whilst we are all sat together and suggest going in to a playroom. I just wouldn't start rubbing up next to the guy of the couple on the dancefloor whilst R was standing around talking to someone else for example. I guess you just have to be confident in the way you swing and not feel like you need to justify it x"
i am very much like you Op.. and even though ive been in the scene a long time. People still tell me I dont get it because things like that would make me feel uncomfortable. I dont mind all together but would not be happy if someone started doing that to my partner when we werent actually stood together and if together they would need to have included me.

There is no norm. I dont enjoy kissing other men as it makes me uncomfortable. I dont explain why.. only its my choice and no one elses. So just do what makes you comfortable and have fun.

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By *ittenandthepirateCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

As someone said above, they probably knew each other already. Some of our closest friends are play friends so if we were out with them we would have a dance and a kiss in public but nothing more. Wouldn't be something we'd do with people in a club we hadn't met before or who were just casual acquantainces though.

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

With couples you have to be attracted to both the man and woman. If the man likes the woman but the woman doesn't like the man then the couple won't play unless they are happy playing separately.

Would you be OK for you man to be taken off and play without you? Or your better half be ok for you to go off and play with a couple without him?

Single guys are easier as they have no ties as are single women..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No need to feel like you do op , just enjoy what you do and don't mind what others do .

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

You should play how you feel most comfortable.

For us it is always together in the same room and we would expect to continue to talk to the other couple once we finish playing but we also wouldn't expect to start taking liberties and touching one another one the dance floor or anywhere else without first establishing permission again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Each person do things there own way there isn't a right or wrong way. We normally play together in the same room we would still talk to the people outside the play area and we've made some very good friends over the years where we all feel comfortable to touch or kiss each other. Very rarely we've also gone and played on our own with people who we've built up friendship and trust with. But we would never do that with people we've just met. So it really depends on the situation and what you want from swinging.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"No we definitely wouldn't blank anyone, we would continue to chat outside may get a bit flirty whilst we are all sat together and suggest going in to a playroom. I just wouldn't start rubbing up next to the guy of the couple on the dancefloor whilst R was standing around talking to someone else for example. I guess you just have to be confident in the way you swing and not feel like you need to justify it x"

You are not unique in the way you feel about playing by a long shot. We play in a similar way as do many of ours friends.

Don't feel you have to justify anything to anyone, you don't. If they don't want to play your way then move on to those that do. Part of the fun is finding people to play with that 'fit' with you.

Have you thought of maybe a change of scenery in the club scene?

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just do what you want if you decide you want to push your boundaries a bit just do it no one will have a go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry this is going to be a bit of a long winded one but just something I noticed last night..So we have had a years break after I fell pregnant and had our boy almost 5 months ago. Previous to that we were still fairly new to the swinger scene as a couple.

We started out just soft swap although now open to full swap if it happens. We don't like to plan an awful lot just go with the flow.

Anyway so last night we went to a club and noticed that a lot of the couples would go off, do their own thing separately even to the point of having a bit of a touch / kiss on the dance floor with someone else..like I would say 80% of the couples there and we got chatting to a lovely couple who said that that is what they do..it is what all their swinger friends do and they couldn't understand why you would just play in the rooms and then act as if nothing had happened outside of the rooms.

Now we love playing with other couples and singles but we genuinely always play together and even if I had been in the playroom doing whatever with X and Y, I wouldn't then start touching on the dancefloor. Maybe it is because we are new to it or maybe just the way we choose to play but I felt like I needed to justify why we enjoyed swinging if we didn't do what most others did Have any of you had any similar issues? Xx"

We are exactly the same, unless in a room we wouldn't touch kiss fondle anyone else,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry this is going to be a bit of a long winded one but just something I noticed last night..So we have had a years break after I fell pregnant and had our boy almost 5 months ago. Previous to that we were still fairly new to the swinger scene as a couple.

We started out just soft swap although now open to full swap if it happens. We don't like to plan an awful lot just go with the flow.

Anyway so last night we went to a club and noticed that a lot of the couples would go off, do their own thing separately even to the point of having a bit of a touch / kiss on the dance floor with someone else..like I would say 80% of the couples there and we got chatting to a lovely couple who said that that is what they do..it is what all their swinger friends do and they couldn't understand why you would just play in the rooms and then act as if nothing had happened outside of the rooms.

Now we love playing with other couples and singles but we genuinely always play together and even if I had been in the playroom doing whatever with X and Y, I wouldn't then start touching on the dancefloor. Maybe it is because we are new to it or maybe just the way we choose to play but I felt like I needed to justify why we enjoyed swinging if we didn't do what most others did Have any of you had any similar issues? Xx"

This is us too really so definitely not alone.

Everyone does things differently that's the beauty of this lifestyle

Jane x

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By *itzimadCouple
over a year ago

harwich

there is no norm

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By *isty286Couple
over a year ago

Dorset

We play our way when we want to, it's not up to anyone else, if we involve anyone else and they don't want to play our games, they are free to pass us by, if they decide to stay and play they might be surprised at how mobile our boundaries are, but still our choice, even if we decide to back things up a bit, when you don't pay attention to your own rules, is when you do things you will regret.

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