FabSwingers.com forum: What the hell are we doing wrong

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Reading through some of the postings i see we're not the only one's with this problem. My fiance & myself joined about 5 weeks ago & we've contacted several ladies always with the utmost politeness & trying to be as honest as possible. I can handle being deleted without a reply though i find it rather rude, (even the couple of replys i've had saying thanks but no thanks, i realy appreciate) but what i have difficulty in getting my head round is when people reply to the first or second message sounding interested & then suddenly, silence & ignoreing all further messages. Is this a common problem on the site? I hope not because otherwise it might not be the site for us though i'm sure there are some very genuine people on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess there's a multitude of reasons for this kind of behaviour.

Maybe they changed their minds but don't want to say.

Maybe they're chatting to several people and at the end of the day only have enough free time to meet one or two with any regularity.

Maybe they went on holiday.

Who knows why people act how they do but from my experience, this happens on other sites too, it's not specific to fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

agrees with the above

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Joined 5 weeks ago and already you're asking where you went wrong ...

Complaining after 5 weeks thats a good starting point

Lack of patience and understanding is another area to consider

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

couples are to single women what single men are to couples....

plenty of the former and not so many of the latter....

upshot.... the former can be as choosy as they want....

time, patience, common sense.... what I say to everyone....so is 5 weeks really giving it enough "time"?

same advice i would give to single guys is the same i would give to you....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It does seem to be a common misconception that couples find it easy on these sights. Sometimes (and I do have a couples profile too) I think it's actually much more difficult than it's believed to be.

Women, especially bi women, have it so much easier than most and yes with that comes the need to be very choosy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for the advice guys. It's the first time I've been on a site like this & completly new to the swinging scene & just finding our feet so did'nt really know what to expect. After reading your replys i realise i'm probably expecting too much too quick.

your advice has been a big help, thanks again.

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By *eclan_and_AimeeCouple
over a year ago

dunblane, stirling

I think patience is the key, but just wanted to note a small observation that some of your photos are dated 2004?

This may put some contacts off as people can change a lot in 7 years.

7 years ago I certainly didn't look the way I do now...

xAx

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Good luck and enjoy... I would remove the pic of you in the chair.. You don't look too happy x

It takes time... Hope you do well xx

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I am afraid that the exchange of messages can tell me a lot about people (or at least a lot about what they want me to know!). I may get a message from a couple, have a look at their profile, think they look OK, swap a couple of messages and realise there is no spark at all there. Yes, it is rude to just disappear after that but the alternative is to tell the couple I am no longer interested then have to field several messages asking why.

On the other hand, after trying unsuccessfully to interest a couple since I joined and realising that they only actually want to play with other couples, it could be that single females have the same problem!

Just keep plugging away. Go to clubs and socials and get yourself out there. Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/06/11 00:39:32]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

thanks Declan & Aimee for that observation, i did'nt even consider the age of the photos as none of us have changed much since then but that point is certainly taken on board. We'll make a point of taking some up to date ones.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive done it myself, had a message from someone and they seem ok so i reply, then a couple of messages later they may say something that puts me off them so i change my mind about talking with a _iew to meeting so i will stop reply

From my experience, and other ladies on the site have said they get the same, some people can get really abusive and nasty if you say no to them, i have had many a message telling me im fat and ugly anyway and i should be grateful of their attention from poeple i have said no thanks to or changed my mind about meeting, you only put up with this abuse for so long before you stop putting yourself in the fireing line so now if someone messages me and i dont want to meet them i will just stop messaging be that after one message or several, this may seem ignorent and rude to you but im not willing to keep talking such messages from dummy spitting people

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Seems like i've got a hell of a lot to learn about the site & the scene in genaral. It would'nt even cross my mind to abuse people like that. I've had a few turn downs & i reply to every single one thanking them for taking the time to reply even if it's not the answer i'm hopeing for. It's a shame some people just can't take no for an answer but if there are people like that on the site then the silences are starting to make a lot of sense. thanks & be lucky. x

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By *iddytoxcplCouple
over a year ago

Stoke/Uttoxeter

"ive done it myself, had a message from someone and they seem ok so i reply, then a couple of messages later they may say something that puts me off them so i change my mind about talking with a _iew to meeting so i will stop reply

Well we know you naughtynymphos and we know those rude comments you mention are not true.

But some people are very poor at taking rejection, but you have to take the highs with the lows in this game.

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By *iddytoxcplCouple
over a year ago

Stoke/Uttoxeter

One of our fav rejection backlashes was directed at Jackie's single profile. He wanted to meet up with her as she was quote "a real sexy woman". He was not to her tastes and she politely replied saying no thanks but good luck in his endeavours. His highly imaginative responce was "well wouldn't want to fuck you anyway, you look 100". Strange how attitudes and standards can change after rejection.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One of our fav rejection backlashes was directed at Jackie's single profile. He wanted to meet up with her as she was quote "a real sexy woman". He was not to her tastes and she politely replied saying no thanks but good luck in his endeavours. His highly imaginative responce was "well wouldn't want to fuck you anyway, you look 100". Strange how attitudes and standards can change after rejection. "

and that is exactly an example of what i was talking about

you go from being the sexist women on the site to being a minger in two small words.....no thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thats happened to me too when I had a single profile. In fact think I got exactly the same message! Not only do single men and couples vastly outnumber single ladies on here to the extent that they can easily receive 100 messages a day, a lot of single ladies I know don't meet couples so you're fishing in an even smaller pond. Good luck! Ms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To the OP - take all this advice on board, it's all good. I'm another non-replier, for the various reasons given above (and not because I'm not looking for couples, but because I'm a single woman and get swamped) - best not to think of it as rude but just take it in your stride, suck it up and move on. Staying polite and patient will pay off in the end.

I'm having a no-play, coffee-only meet with someone who first contacted me 20 weeks ago! It's taken this long as I rarely rush into meetings - I like to exchange plenty of messages first to be sure I'll click with them. In this case, we've both postponed coffee several times because life gets in the way but hopefully we will actually meet at last on Thursday.

Like I said - patience!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your only the sexiest woman till you say no..... Then it willbe the next one on the list that gets that crown.... Especially in the chat rooms.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well, i did';nt expect the amount of respones that i got on here, it seems like there's a lot of people on this forum that likes to help each other which i find really impressive. I realise there are a lot of immature people in any walk of life that can't take rejection & i'm glad i'm not one of them. I don't mind rejection at all, I've had lots of it in me life, i just look for honesty & courtesy. We've taken on board every single comment & think we've learned a lot from them especially about being patient. as i said at the start, we're new to all this & did'nt know what to expect. Thanks guys. xx

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By *AUCY SUEWoman
over a year ago

portsmouth

You cant expect anything to happen too quick, like us most couples have children to consider, and also have a life outside swinging and also do work, so just be patient,also update pictures regularly, include a few sexy shots as well, doesnt have to have cock pics etc, just a few sexy ones, make an effort, what we have found is patients is a virtue, and when u get contact from other couples always reply and keep in contact a well arranged meet is worth alot more than loads of meets that were arranged too quick and got cancelled, dont get pushy, Good Luck x sue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are loads of lovely people on here and it all takes time - why not simply try to get to a social or two near you - then you can really find out what people are like. You also have to consider that you are very lucky to find people that exactly match your tastes and that like you too. Have to agree that not only having old pictures on but also not having any verifications would put off an awful lot of the people you may be looking for and if you do the former you can then solve both problems in one go.

really good luck but in our experience you won't find many sites better than this one or the lovely people on here.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"Joined 5 weeks ago and already you're asking where you went wrong ...

Complaining after 5 weeks thats a good starting point

Lack of patience and understanding is another area to consider"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

having a big bushy beard might put a lot of people off too

sorry if that sounds personal as that isn't the way it is intended

i have seen quite a few 'anti-hair' posts in the forums espcially from ladies (which i assume will be your 'target' demographic)

i have had a beard / facial hair since i was in my mid 20's.

i always keep it very short / trimmed to no1 but still get knock backs as i am not clean shaven (not the only reason, but 1 of them)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I thought meself that that would'nt help but i'm afraid that's the way i am, always have been & always will be. I've actually trimmed it recently for that reason. you should have seen it a few weeks ago, it would have put the wild man of bornio to shame lol. I don't take anything personal & appreciate everyones opinion. thanks for the input & be lucky.

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

"Reading through some of the postings i see we're not the only one's with this problem. My fiance & myself joined about 5 weeks ago & we've contacted several ladies always with the utmost politeness & trying to be as honest as possible. I can handle being deleted without a reply though i find it rather rude, (even the couple of replys i've had saying thanks but no thanks, i realy appreciate) but what i have difficulty in getting my head round is when people reply to the first or second message sounding interested & then suddenly, silence & ignoreing all further messages. Is this a common problem on the site? I hope not because otherwise it might not be the site for us though i'm sure there are some very genuine people on here."

Meeting couples or single fems is hard work. It really depends how much you want to do it. Personally, find it much easier to just go to parties.

Mistress x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I thought that myself as appearance without meeting can be very off putting. An old friend of my partner was absolutly anti beard & was very particular about appearances but we had a couple of encounters because she actualy got to know me in person & saw beyond the hairy face. It has to be a 2 way thing though & the other half is a bit reluctant. Are these partys all about sex on the night or do a lot of people just go for the social side? Getting into the swinging scene for us is more for her to explore her bi-side than for me but she's very keen on forming proper friedships first before anything sexual happens.

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

shame youre not looking for couples. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I thought that myself as appearance without meeting can be very off putting. An old friend of my partner was absolutly anti beard & was very particular about appearances but we had a couple of encounters because she actualy got to know me in person & saw beyond the hairy face. It has to be a 2 way thing though & the other half is a bit reluctant. Are these partys all about sex on the night or do a lot of people just go for the social side? Getting into the swinging scene for us is more for her to explore her bi-side than for me but she's very keen on forming proper friedships first before anything sexual happens."

Parties can be purely social if that's what you are looking for. If you get an invite and tell the hosts you'd love to go, but want to socialise at your first party, I'm sure they would understand.

You might find yourself just going with the flow though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"shame youre not looking for couples. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Awwww thats really sweet but any guys we might meet on the way would be purely social & nothing else. Thanks anyway. xxxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Parties can be purely social if that's what you are looking for. If you get an invite and tell the hosts you'd love to go, but want to socialise at your first party, I'm sure they would understand.

You might find yourself just going with the flow though

Cheers for that mate, ill have a chat with the missus & she'll probably have second thoughts. Mabee catch some of you at a party in the future. Thanks again to everyone who gave advise, it's really appreciated. I was supprised at how helpful people can be on this site. All the best. xxx

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By *eclan_and_AimeeCouple
over a year ago

dunblane, stirling

keep an eye on the forums, there are usually plenty socials pop up - meetings n pubs an the likes.

an majority of couples who meet couples dont have any male to male contact.

xAx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always remember there is nothing more complex than the laws of pyhsical attraction nor as frail as the human psyche.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi nightowl.

Just going backk to the main point of what you said!

"we've contacted several ladies always with the utmost politeness & trying to be as honest as possible"

I have posted a couple of times saying the same thing although I am in a different position to you.

There are many good people here willing to help as you can see from your replies to you post. Some great people on here.

But I have been shot down in flames when I have brought this subject up by some people on here mostly by the girls. Trying to say it,s all my fault or it,s your add, it,s your attitude, your not patient enough!

Well NO, NO, NO.

I am also alway,s polite and honest like you.

It,s nothing to do with us my friend.

It cost,s nothing to be polite.

It cost nothing to say "No thank you"

Nobody needs to be rude and ignorant and have there heads up there ass and make excuses as to why they cant/dont reply.

I can understand if the person is not polite to you then yes, delete and ignore!

They who delete and ignore us decent people have the problem, we dont!

Bring it on and prove me write now by ripping me apart like last time

Stay with it and you will find the genuine, friendly people on here. There are lots of them as you can see form your post.

Best wishes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi nightowl.

Just going backk to the main point of what you said!

"we've contacted several ladies always with the utmost politeness & trying to be as honest as possible"

I have posted a couple of times saying the same thing although I am in a different position to you.

There are many good people here willing to help as you can see from your replies to you post. Some great people on here.

Well NO, NO, NO.

I am also alway,s polite and honest like you.

It,s nothing to do with us my friend.

It cost,s nothing to be polite.

It cost nothing to say "No thank you"

Nobody needs to be rude and ignorant and have there heads up there ass and make excuses as to why they cant/dont reply.

I can understand if the person is not polite to you then yes, delete and ignore!

They who delete and ignore us decent people have the problem, we dont!

Bring it on and prove me write now by ripping me apart like last time

Stay with it and you will find the genuine, friendly people on here. There are lots of them as you can see form your post.

Best wishes"

it doesn't take a lot to 'upset, nark or niggle' people on here.

like you say, a lot of really nice folk on here - but there's always a queue for the soapbox !

should imagine that the biggest problem you face is the fact that you (quite rightly) state that you are married ?

i have seen married men get ripped apart in the forums by some (but not all) women.

also the fact that you want 1 off meets i would imagine takes out a number of ladies from the equation.

add to that the fact that in your meets you want a subserviant lady and the field narrows yet further again.

but like the advice you gave to the OP, if you know what you want then you have to stick with it

you can't please everyone all of the time so you just have to stay true to yourself and ignore the muck & bullets that sometimes fly about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks.

But the point is people not replying to polite email.

It,s not really about me it,s about the guy,s that cant me botherd to reply

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks.

But the point is people not replying to polite email."

Think you are forgetting that no one is obliged to reply to unsolicited email, no matter how polite. You are also forgetting that many women on here, particularly single women get literally hundreds of mails every day from men - it's simply not possible to reply to everyone under such circumstances. If you don't like it, try your luck elsewhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" You are also forgetting that many women on here, particularly single women get literally hundreds of mails every day from men - it's simply not possible to reply to everyone under such circumstances. "

Sometimes I'd love to be a woman - if just for a day !

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Sometimes I'd love to be a woman - if just for a day !

No, I really don't think you would!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes I'd love to be a woman - if just for a day !

No, I really don't think you would!"

probably not - me in a frock ain't a look i'd pull off

i am thinking of the resulting look & don't think brenda or audrey off the kitchen roll ads would get that many emails anyway

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"keep an eye on the forums, there are usually plenty socials pop up - meetings n pubs an the likes.

an majority of couples who meet couples dont have any male to male contact.

xAx"

Really...we must be meeting weird couples then!

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"I always remember there is nothing more complex than the laws of pyhsical attraction nor as frail as the human psyche.

I like this post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes I'd love to be a woman - if just for a day !

No, I really don't think you would!"

They could use copy and paste.

Quick, easy and everyone is happy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

does anyone do what I do, click on the OP's profile just in case there talking about me. Btw for the record each time there not........phew!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks.

But the point is people not replying to polite email.

You are quiet right, nobody is obliged to reply. Some people dont seem to know how to be Courteous!

If the people on here dont want all the polite email,s blocking there inbox why dont they go elsewhere?

Best regards...x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" They could use copy and paste.

Quick, easy and everyone is happy!"

No, it doesn't make for happy. No one likes receiving a copy and paste message and you can always spot them. I don't send them and never would.

If someone clearly has ignored my profile, I just delete, and maybe block.

If they *have* read my profile but I'm just not interested even if they are a match on paper, I'll write a polite thanks but no thanks.

I do far more of the former, because the number of guys on here who chance it is huge. Too bad if they don't get a reply - my profile is clear enough who I'll answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" They could use copy and paste.

Quick, easy and everyone is happy!

No, it doesn't make for happy. No one likes receiving a copy and paste message and you can always spot them. I don't send them and never would.

If someone clearly has ignored my profile, I just delete, and maybe block.

If they *have* read my profile but I'm just not interested even if they are a match on paper, I'll write a polite thanks but no thanks.

I do far more of the former, because the number of guys on here who chance it is huge. Too bad if they don't get a reply - my profile is clear enough who I'll answer. "

Well that sounds good to me.

Fair enough, if they dont read your profile then I fully understand anyone no replying. 100% They are wasting your time. But I dont really think we are talking about them people.

Ok, maybe the copy and paste is a bad idea, but if you get my point. If they have made a genuine effort to contact you so the least we can do is a very quick "Thank but no thanks" in response.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well that sounds good to me.

Fair enough, if they dont read your profile then I fully understand anyone no replying. 100% They are wasting your time. But I dont really think we are talking about them people.

Ok, maybe the copy and paste is a bad idea, but if you get my point. If they have made a genuine effort to contact you so the least we can do is a very quick "Thank but no thanks" in response."

No. Because as I said before, no one on here is under any obligation to reply to unsolicited mail.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well that sounds good to me.

Fair enough, if they dont read your profile then I fully understand anyone no replying. 100% They are wasting your time. But I dont really think we are talking about them people.

Ok, maybe the copy and paste is a bad idea, but if you get my point. If they have made a genuine effort to contact you so the least we can do is a very quick "Thank but no thanks" in response.

No. Because as I said before, no one on here is under any obligation to reply to unsolicited mail. "

It,s not unsolicited!

We have placed adds! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/06/11 17:35:55]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks.

But the point is people not replying to polite email.

I appreciate your point of veiw even though i sense a bit of a chip on the shoulder but i suggest you read the thread properly before ranting. the point is, swapping e-mails to start with & sounding intersted then suddenly stopping for no apparent reason.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 24/06/11 07:52:44]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

sorry but I think your reply is a tad unfair... why does it sound like she has a chip on her shoulder..

you asked for advice and she gave it.. and very factual advice to be honest.

I offered advice as well and you chose to not take it and that is also your choice. I wrote it sensitively and will try again.. I suggested you take off the pic with you in the chair.. the background looks messy and a bottle of Archers by the chair may not sell you as well as the other pics can. You are trying to attract people and pics are important.

No offence meant at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks.

But the point is people not replying to polite email.

I have no chip on my shoulder and I was certainly wasn't ranting! Don't worry, I won;t offer you any considered advice again as you obviously don't want it. Makes me wonder why you bothered asking in the first place!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks.

But the point is people not replying to polite email.

Sorry i must have misunderstood, sometimes e-mails come across different to how they are actually meant & it just came across as a bit uptight. I'm very sorry if it came across wrong. I really do appreciate every bit of advise given & read every single one. Sorry once again for any offence.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"sorry but I think your reply is a tad unfair... why does it sound like she has a chip on her shoulder..

you asked for advice and she gave it.. and very factual advice to be honest.

No offence meant at all "

Seems i over reacted a bit, it just came across wrong that's all & i've apoligised to Serena & i hope she accepts it. I took the advise you gave on board but I've just been so busy that it was over looked but don't think it's not appreicated & i think it was good advise. Thanks.

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By *o Peep n WoodyCouple
over a year ago

suffolk

90% of women on this site are fake(arent women)

7% are infact women but they get so many messages that they are fed up of the whole sex thing, ( aka just looking for attention and feel special)

2.5% are real women that want to meet but...they are not the best looking thing for most peoples tastes

0.5% are decent looking and actually meet

if you been messaging the blond hotties of age 20-25.. i wonder why you had no luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks.

But the point is people not replying to polite email.

Apology accepted.

May I suggest next time you read before engaging?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"90% of women on this site are fake(arent women)

7% are infact women but they get so many messages that they are fed up of the whole sex thing, ( aka just looking for attention and feel special)

2.5% are real women that want to meet but...they are not the best looking thing for most peoples tastes

0.5% are decent looking and actually meet

if you been messaging the blond hotties of age 20-25.. i wonder why you had no luck

Do you have sources for those statistics? 90% women on here fake? Would love to know how you got these numbers. Or are you just guessing wildly or even making it up as you go along?

Very unfair on the very many genuine women on here who I would hazard number considerably more than the 0.5% you suggest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"90% of women on this site are fake(arent women)

7% are infact women but they get so many messages that they are fed up of the whole sex thing, ( aka just looking for attention and feel special)

2.5% are real women that want to meet but...they are not the best looking thing for most peoples tastes

0.5% are decent looking and actually meet

if you been messaging the blond hotties of age 20-25.. i wonder why you had no luck

Do you have sources for those statistics? 90% women on here fake? Would love to know how you got these numbers. Or are you just guessing wildly or even making it up as you go along?

Very unfair on the very many genuine women on here who I would hazard number considerably more than the 0.5% you suggest. "

i think it was maybe meant tongue in cheek as opposed to hard and fast facts

i hope so anyway !

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

[Removed by poster at 24/06/11 14:43:13]

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"i think it was maybe meant tongue in cheek as opposed to hard and fast facts

i hope so anyway !

Thats what I thought. A way to lower the temperature in this post I suspect.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks.

But the point is people not replying to polite email.

Apology accepted.

May I suggest next time you read before engaging? "

Thanks for accepting my apoligy Sirena, the last thing i want to do is upset people, especialy when their trying to help. I just got the wrong end of the stick thats all. Best wishes & be lucky. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am sorry to say that yes, it is a common problem

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi nightowl.

Just going backk to the main point of what you said!

"we've contacted several ladies always with the utmost politeness & trying to be as honest as possible"

I have posted a couple of times saying the same thing although I am in a different position to you.

There are many good people here willing to help as you can see from your replies to you post. Some great people on here.

Well NO, NO, NO.

I am also alway,s polite and honest like you.

It,s nothing to do with us my friend.

It cost,s nothing to be polite.

It cost nothing to say "No thank you"

Nobody needs to be rude and ignorant and have there heads up there ass and make excuses as to why they cant/dont reply.

I can understand if the person is not polite to you then yes, delete and ignore!

They who delete and ignore us decent people have the problem, we dont!

Bring it on and prove me write now by ripping me apart like last time

Stay with it and you will find the genuine, friendly people on here. There are lots of them as you can see form your post.

Best wishes"

Yes, that's what i thought at the start but looking at some of the posts on here about some ladies getting abuse when they say no, i'm kind of beginning to understand a bit. We've decided to have a look at a couple of private members clubs where we can meet people & socialise in a relaxed atmosphere & see how it goes.

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

Good luck to the op. Do understand what they are saying. You either want to stick with it and put in the effort (most of which will indeed be wasted) or not. I must admit to feeling sympathy for the single male when we were hoping to meet single fems. We decided that a lot of the attention we were getting from single fems was indeed from guys pretending to be women and really couldnt be bothered with it anymore. Besides, women are easier to meet at parties and I like being able to meet them in a no pressure atmosphere and not feel if you are rejecting them if you wander off because they arent for you. If you are a couple its far easier, especially if you are very selective.

Mistress x

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

The OP brings to mind something I've thought for some time, and have probably said on here before.

I think one of the biggest problems with sites like this - moreso on pay-sites where they have a vested interest in "selling" you the lifestyle - is the lack of expectation setting from the outset.

The simple fact is that the majority of people ( I don't have any numbers but I'd put a fair chunk of money on the fact that it is a pretty large majority) NEVER get a meet of any description.

But of course with the promise of fufilling their wildest sexual fantasies on offer, people have a tendency to make quite a high emotional investment in the outcome - and then suffer the from the dissonance between their investment and reality's sharp bite.

perhaps that's why some people can have such extreme reactions when things don't work out in the way that they had imagined they would. (to the OP - don't take this as a reflection on you - it isn't)

I think the site owners could do more in setting expectations from the outset - after all it's not as if they have membership fees to worry about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the site owners could do more in setting expectations from the outset - after all it's not as if they have membership fees to worry about."

They do. There is a pretty comprehensive FAQ and if new members took the time to read it - particularly the one about why people may not reply - they might find their expectations a lot easier to manage.

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