FabSwingers.com forum: Emotional satisfaction

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I love, love, love that intense emotional connection you can get when you feel so comfortable with a person but also have the excitement of it being different from your 'normal' life. Like a little bubble where you don't have your ordinary concerns of day to day life. I really enjoy sex but I actually think it's the other bit that I enjoy more. For me, I absolutely adore the post orgasm cuddle and chat. Sometimes I think i'd almost just skip to that bit!

Me and my husband are very close, I can tell him anything and I love snuggling up with him. The love and bond between us is like no other I've ever experienced. I'm very happy in our marriage and we have a very good sex life. I guess my question is, I think most of us on here would easily accept that as much as we enjoy having sex with our own partner, we also really enjoy sex with others. How many of you enjoy the intimacy and emotional side with your partner but still want to experience that with others too?

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

As a single I can't comment on the partner bit but I get the snuggling thing and really enjoy being able to do it with a few different guys

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's just such a lovely, warm fuzzy feeling. I think it's actually the closest I get to relaxation. More than any soak in the bath or massage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love, love, love that intense emotional connection you can get when you feel so comfortable with a person but also have the excitement of it being different from your 'normal' life. Like a little bubble where you don't have your ordinary concerns of day to day life. I really enjoy sex but I actually think it's the other bit that I enjoy more. For me, I absolutely adore the post orgasm cuddle and chat. Sometimes I think i'd almost just skip to that bit!

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I actually agree. With this poster.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually agree. With this poster."
hey even a broken clock is right twice a day

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I think you are after polygamous relationships"

I think I am too

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I love the thought of it but in reality with a husband who is a very private person and two young children, I don't think we'd ever manage to successfully keep up another relationship. I need someone who doesn't have time for a full time girlfriend !

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

I also have a couples profile on here with hubby.

I don't do the post coital cuddle thing on meets, I have no need for it. I may with some lay beside them and chat but I don't snuggle.

Most of the time I just want to get up and leave, but I don't just to be polite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op before I answer can I just check Im on the same page. Are you asking who likes the emotional side with other partners not just your own??

Sorry been a long day and my answer would be different if that isn't what your asking lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Its not something either of us want from swinging but everyone's different.

I think there are quite a few people on fab who want an emotional connection judging by some of the forum threads I've read. I think that as long as clearly defined boundaries are established as to how far the emotional connection goes its all fine. However again going by what I've seen in the forums there's a risk of misunderstanding but I guess that exists whatever.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Op before I answer can I just check Im on the same page. Are you asking who likes the emotional side with other partners not just your own??

Sorry been a long day and my answer would be different if that isn't what your asking lol x"

Yes, same page of same book I think!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Intimacy is key... No wam bam thank you ... Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op before I answer can I just check Im on the same page. Are you asking who likes the emotional side with other partners not just your own??

Sorry been a long day and my answer would be different if that isn't what your asking lol x

Yes, same page of same book I think!"
okay then for me no. Id leave if my partner wanted to cuddle up and share emotional sex with someone else ..as that for me is the difference between sex together snd sex with others.. id no longer feel special or loved ..

And i certainly have no desires to. Its not what we are looking for. Its the thrill of watching each other enjoy as much as anything and then cuddling up together after. The thrill of the chase is a big thing for us too.

I do think many are on here though but think its quite rare in couples.. Im the odd one that wouldn't even be wanting that if I was a single and prefer one off meets.

But it isnt about what others want or think.. its all about what works for you both and those you meet....

Be a boring old world if we all wanted the same thing..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I also have a couples profile on here with hubby.

I don't do the post coital cuddle thing on meets, I have no need for it. I may with some lay beside them and chat but I don't snuggle.

Most of the time I just want to get up and leave, but I don't just to be polite

I agree. I don't need any of that from somebody I'm just having sex with as that's all it is, i wouldn't want to give the opportunity for mixed signals or feelings to arise as it's suppised to be harmless fun. However i do love this feeling with my hubs and it is one of my favourute times with him or it would be if he wasn't asleep 30 seconds after he's spent lol x

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By *itsmcgee4Couple
over a year ago

Central

Emotional junk - no

Spooning and cuddles - yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have slightly blurred boundaries with our lovers, especially me. Regulars that we meet privately are regarded as friends and some I have become very fond of, with a high levels of emotional intimacy. Where a divide has been maintained is that meetings are infrequent, and communication is not regular. I also dislike a man, other than my husband, to behave in a romantic fashion, and I dislike exclusivity from my lovers. However I do enjoy a certain level of emotional attachment - that makes it more exciting for me.

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By *c-ukMan
over a year ago

Sevenoaks

I want a friend that I have that great connection with, laugh, joke and have real chemistry.. But we both agree that she can see and fuck who she wants, when she wants. In that way she gets intimacy and loyalty but also the freedom to enjoy herself which pleases us both.. Awesome !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The meet and what goes on in the meet can be a passion fuelled , erotic and meaningful experience . No boundaries , lots of kissing , touching , and no fear of overstepping the mark . But once it's over , that's it . If either of us wanted emotional after sex cuddling etc... with a meet , that would signal the end for us . We swing with others to enjoy a different experience to the one we have together , the emotion and so on is something we only have with each other .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The meet and what goes on in the meet can be a passion fuelled , erotic and meaningful experience . No boundaries , lots of kissing , touching , and no fear of overstepping the mark . But once it's over , that's it . If either of us wanted emotional after sex cuddling etc... with a meet , that would signal the end for us . We swing with others to enjoy a different experience to the one we have together , the emotion and so on is something we only have with each other ."

this 100%

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are too quick to pigeon hole this approach as polyamory or polygamy. Instead, it can be more like friends with benefits or even just affectionate/romantic play which enjoys spooning or candlelit meals with sexy strangers. We, for example, would love to have a sexy woman over one night to snuggle up between us... although I can't see any of us sleeping much as a result

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha it's not the first time we're the opposite to you guys

For us swinging is an avenue to developing rewarding sexual friendships (if they happen naturally). As such, we'd ideally like to broaden the umbrella of our sexual emotional selves in a similar way to how we might if we lived on a hippy commune. It's all about expanding your inner being out into the universe and connecting with the web of love that weaves all about you... that and being a fucking kinky pervert

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By *ornylady71Woman
over a year ago

near Bury

"As a single I can't comment on the partner bit but I get the snuggling thing and really enjoy being able to do it with a few different guys

Yes me to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't seperate physical desires from emotional attachments. I have special moments of intimacy with special fab friends.....very rewarding, very trusting, very much needed....these special bonds are not a threat to my marriage and are not a threat to my friend's partnership either.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Good question. I know exactly what you mean about all the other lovely connection you have with your OH (I was not always single, felt that love/connection and married). The way I see it is love and connection may well be a spectrum. For example I would guess most of us don't believe the idea that there is just 'the one' out there for us? I guess most of us believe that say we lived in an other city we would have feel in love with someone else? Therefore we must accept it is perfectly plausible to love more than one person. I think if may be a spectrum just like conventional freindship groups; ranging from lose acquaintances to freinds you would trust with your life. So I don't think you can put love/connection into two boxes, I.e. you love one person and feel nothing for anyone else. I just dont think life fits in neat boxes like thst. So yes I see that you can have range of different connections with different people. If I think we are completely honest with our self's then maybe a few of us feel that way or at least see some truth in it.

Even from a simply swinging point of view for me some sort of connection/spark is key. Also I love intimacy, cuddles and simply showing care for another. But I don't see that intimacy is the preserve of people in relationships? I think it's perfectly enjoyable and natural to enjoy these things together without being a couple or in a relationship. Just enjoying it because it makes everyone feel nice, not because it's a signal that things have to become serious.

Anyway that's the theory. But society is not geared up this way in its attitudes and institutions. Also we are all complex emotional people so it quite possible that individuals feeling conflict with the theory in practice. Good question, its ok to be honest with your self and explore these ideas.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Good question. I know exactly what you mean about all the other lovely connection you have with your OH (I was not always single, felt that love/connection and married). The way I see it is love and connection may well be a spectrum. For example I would guess most of us don't believe the idea that there is just 'the one' out there for us? I guess most of us believe that say we lived in an other city we would have feel in love with someone else? Therefore we must accept it is perfectly plausible to love more than one person. I think if may be a spectrum just like conventional freindship groups; ranging from lose acquaintances to freinds you would trust with your life. So I don't think you can put love/connection into two boxes, I.e. you love one person and feel nothing for anyone else. I just dont think life fits in neat boxes like thst. So yes I see that you can have range of different connections with different people. If I think we are completely honest with our self's then maybe a few of us feel that way or at least see some truth in it.

I agree with everything you said!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha it's not the first time we're the opposite to you guys

Nice response and understandable from your perspective .

However , we find that in order to give out a genuine emotional response there must be a genuine feeling behind it . So it can't be faked , and that's the issue we have . Whilst in ones mind it may well be that an emotional connection is perfectly plausible with someone other than each other , in reality we haven't sought it , nor even come close to finding it .

Our swinging life is totally separate to our everyday life . When we aren't swinging we rarely think about it , and other than the odd foray in the forums , we only think about it when looking for a meet . This suits us , as we are very busy with family and work , and emotional feelings with those we meet would confuse things for us . An unnecessary complication if you like .

Of course this is just our way , and the way others may swing is absolutely fine with us . We don't offer anyone anything other than what we have and are , there are no hidden agendas , and clearly those looking for more would swerve past us . That is unless they fancied a bit of no strings kinky fuckery without the emotional bit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did enjoy the emotional side with my former FWB, cuddling was important and I used to ruffle his hair and chest hair. I haven't managed to find that with any other man from a meet so far. XXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This has to be my favourite thread on the site so far.

This is the types of conversations I always tend to have with people. Nice to see its not just me.

I joined the scene in when i was living in NYC and i was introduced to a world of Loving and friendly people whom just happened to be open and free with their sexuality this created such a great and understanding environment that i fell in love with it. so i wanted to build the same situation when i came back to the uk.

I really believe for me personally its totally dependant on the connection and situation. Though it all has to have an intellectually stimulating and comfortable feeling. I personally dont think you can have enjoyable sex with someone without not just physical attraction but the emotional. I think the emotional comes in different levels it comes from that friendship and respect you get from allowing someone into your circle but also the pleasure your partner gets from being pleasured either mentally or physically with out that would you really even let them into your bed?

So i guess my point is in the act of giving pleasure your creating an emotional bond. i love seeing and feeling that bond and feeling like i've been a part of that. That's why i prefer having a small circle of people whom i can hang out with socially explore other options with and be comfortable being a freak with. That trust creates so many amazing adventures.

Does this make sense to anyone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope not for me I'm afraid, intimacy to a degree but in my opinion there shouldn't bad an emotional connection between me and any playmate.

All my emotional and intimate "needs" are fullfilled within our relationship along with sexual needs, we never did this because we lost a spark etc we did it because we're very sexual and simply see this place and a club as an Anne summers shop if that makes sense x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When im in a relationship the only person I want to feel like that with is my partner. Being with them should be enough for that sort of thing and if started to feel like I wanted to experience that with another person?

Then I would question if the person Im with is actually the right person for me ?

Because in my mind the feelings you mentioned are for my partner only.

Thats my personal opinion and feeling on this.

Each to their own though

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By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

I'm single and the only thing I miss about not being in a relationship is that emotionally connection and intimacy.

I do enjoy snuggles with a meet and do get some sense of that sometimes but to be honest I do hold back. I don't want to allow "feelings" to develop. My personal circumstances won't allow for anything more than just fun so this stops anyone getting hurt.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

i don't like to feel used, that's all i need really.

i like to get my connections from people who genuinely give a shit about me, and not just coz they've fucked me, made me cum, whatever.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This has to be my favourite thread on the site so far.

This is the types of conversations I always tend to have with people. Nice to see its not just me.

Does this make sense to anyone?"

Makes total sense to me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I joined the scene in when i was living in NYC and i was introduced to a world of Loving and friendly people whom just happened to be open and free with their sexuality this created such a great and understanding environment that i fell in love with it. so i wanted to build the same situation when i came back to the uk."

I think there's a bit of this for us too. We lived in california for 5 years before returning here and starting swinging. The British are so protective and closed off as people... and the Americans so warm and open... we've been trying to get back to that ever since. Nice to meet a like mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is. The down side to this site is that being a single male with this mindset is that there are not a lot of couples who have had good experiences with this as the males tend to be quite pushy and rude. it means i dont meet a lot of people. also a majority of couples go to couples and single women events. thus you don't meet as many people whom share the same ethos as regularly. nice to see some here in the forums.

Much love to you and the OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trust & Excitement

One Earns & Learns

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"i don't like to feel used, that's all i need really.

i like to get my connections from people who genuinely give a shit about me, and not just coz they've fucked me, made me cum, whatever."

Welcome back

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"i don't like to feel used, that's all i need really.

i like to get my connections from people who genuinely give a shit about me, and not just coz they've fucked me, made me cum, whatever.

Welcome back

thanks. had to come back, got no-one else to chat psychology with haha.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"i don't like to feel used, that's all i need really.

i like to get my connections from people who genuinely give a shit about me, and not just coz they've fucked me, made me cum, whatever.

Welcome back

thanks. had to come back, got no-one else to chat psychology with haha.

Haha - this place does fulfil the strangest human needs at times!

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"i don't like to feel used, that's all i need really.

i like to get my connections from people who genuinely give a shit about me, and not just coz they've fucked me, made me cum, whatever.

Welcome back

thanks. had to come back, got no-one else to chat psychology with haha.

Haha - this place does fulfil the strangest human needs at times!

yeah. i also feel like my people are here and i just gotta figure out a way how not to cut myself off from them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think it's a much harder thing to accept your loved one possibly loving others than just fucking them but it's a pretty amazing situation when everyone is happy. As sickly sweet as it sounds, you can't run out of love and affection. Giving out your love doesn't detract anything away from you nor does it detract how much you love your spouse. If anything I love my husband even more for allowing me the freedom to do what makes me happy. That doesn't mean I get to do what I want regardless of his feelings and as with any relationship you need to have open communication. Bottom line is if you love somebody then you want them to be happy and when they are happy then you are happy. Again, for those who'll jump in, I'm not saying that you should base your happiness on somebody else but it does contribute. We are still exploring as we go on this journey and previously when hubby has said he's no longer happy with me seeing someone then I've had to respect that. His happiness will always be the end priority for me but my own happiness is also something that's important to me. Doesn't mean it's not a bit of a head fuck at times but I think the most rewarding things always are the toughest things to accomplish. Just as we are progressing sexually in our swinging journey, we are also progressing emotionally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's a much harder thing to accept your loved one possibly loving others than just fucking them but it's a pretty amazing situation when everyone is happy. As sickly sweet as it sounds, you can't run out of love and affection. Giving out your love doesn't detract anything away from you nor does it detract how much you love your spouse. If anything I love my husband even more for allowing me the freedom to do what makes me happy. That doesn't mean I get to do what I want regardless of his feelings and as with any relationship you need to have open communication. Bottom line is if you love somebody then you want them to be happy and when they are happy then you are happy. Again, for those who'll jump in, I'm not saying that you should base your happiness on somebody else but it does contribute. We are still exploring as we go on this journey and previously when hubby has said he's no longer happy with me seeing someone then I've had to respect that. His happiness will always be the end priority for me but my own happiness is also something that's important to me. Doesn't mean it's not a bit of a head fuck at times but I think the most rewarding things always are the toughest things to accomplish. Just as we are progressing sexually in our swinging journey, we are also progressing emotionally

We could have written this. It very much reflects how we feel. Life partners should be two adventurers not two prison guards. Lovely to meet such similarly minded people

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I don't know if you can talk to several different Skype accounts at once but would be lovely to chat with you guys and a few others on this thread xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Took the words out of my mouth.

Interestingly enough, I have a feeling OP may be a little one sided in this desire. Not sure she would be happy if her husband desired the same emotional intimacy with other people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know if you can talk to several different Skype accounts at once but would be lovely to chat with you guys and a few others on this thread xxx"

i think there is a conference call option.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think for me its if you view sex as just sex or as intimacy, me personally its intimacy. I love to kiss and cuddle, kissing heightens the whole act for me and I think when you make that conncetion with someone it takes it to another level which too answer your question I don't think you could ever have enough of that x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/02/17 14:00:28]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think for me its if you view sex as just sex or as intimacy, me personally its intimacy. I love to kiss and cuddle, kissing heightens the whole act for me and I think when you make that conncetion with someone it takes it to another level which too answer your question I don't think you could ever have enough of that x

see for me sex with someone i have no connection with is just sex.. its more foreplay for mr and I. Intimacy on my part is just for us. We are a very mismatched pair on that.. but while he does intimacy he doesn't do emotions x other women seem to struggle to understand that though. And cant see how he can be like that with them but it only be sex.

I envy him greatly... really do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Americans?? Warm and open??

The friendliness is just a sales tactic, same way everyone smiles in California. Sexually, they're even more uptight than we are.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Took the words out of my mouth.

Interestingly enough, I have a feeling OP may be a little one sided in this desire. Not sure she would be happy if her husband desired the same emotional intimacy with other people. "

You're right that it currently is one sided in that he doesn't want any emotion with anybody else. That's fine as it's what he wants. Should that change then obviously that's something to communicate about. I should hope however challenging I may find it then I would try to be supportive of what will make him happy.

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