FabSwingers.com forum: Drawing the line

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Where do you draw the line between getting to know someone before you meet, without letting feelings and emotions come into the picture?

I tend to put up walls and compartmentalise it by thinking "it's just a shag". But when it gets to the stage of really enjoying chatting every day and getting to know each other, how do you draw the line?

Beginning to think I'm not cut out for swinging anymore. I've been called cold over the wall I put up and asked to let them down but the thought of developing feelings for them terrifies me and the (high) risk of ending up hurt absolutely petrifies me. But I don't want to not be in contact with them and as a result it appears I'm sending very mixed messages.

Can anyone shake some sense into me please?

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Just do what you do and keep doing it as long as you enjoy it and when it stops being fun, stop and do something else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

let them develop. the people who like that will be ok with it.

fuck this 'run away' shit you always hear about. you can fuck up the best relationships doing that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"let them develop. the people who like that will be ok with it.

fuck this 'run away' shit you always hear about. you can fuck up the best relationships doing that."

And I probably have fucked up potentially great relationships because of it.

I'm just afraid of feelings not being reciprocated and getting hurt.

I know getting hurt is part of life but I do my very best to avoid it at all costs.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I have no intention of getting close to anyone on here. I can have a laugh and a shag without developing feelings, and I don't think that makes me cold.

Anyone who expects you to open up is obviously looking for more than a shag.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"let them develop. the people who like that will be ok with it.

fuck this 'run away' shit you always hear about. you can fuck up the best relationships doing that.

And I probably have fucked up potentially great relationships because of it.

I'm just afraid of feelings not being reciprocated and getting hurt.

I know getting hurt is part of life but I do my very best to avoid it at all costs. "

and yeah that is the problem. you can change the way you think though, go with the flow of your feelings and see how that works out for you. you will learn more about yourself and those you interact with by being open to love and giving it rather than expecting it back. i feel i can do this in a way where it won't leave me feeling used and won't leave me feeling disappointed, if it does this account will be gone.

i'm ok with loving people and they don't love me back. i'm obviously gonna invest more of myself (time and emotions/giving a shit) into guys who do reciprocate. even if we are not in a relationship. the fact that they appreciate me and care about me is enough. actions speak louder than words here, remember that.

i've changed my way of thinking after being in an abusive relationship more than once. it's mainly down to trust issues and the fact that i don't wanna be exclusive to anyone because this doesn't suit who i am any more. and that i've been in only one relationship where i felt the guy genuinely, and more importantly -unconditionally, loved me. yes i have a few trusted friends that i love also (not sexually) and they love and care about me also.

so if people don't love me back i'm ok with that, i get how hard it can be to love people as i hardly love anyone myself. i'm friendly and amicable to pretty much anyone, but give a shit/love them? no.

giving love is the only way you'll find people who appreciate that and return it. out the ones who don't and fuck them off.

all advice might be shit, ignore me if you like. but this works for me and i applied to family and friends all my life, now i'm doing it for other people coming into my life. wish i'd done it earlier as i have messed up a couple of potentially great things and feel the guy did too, just by holding back.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

I met Jack here when we were singles,before him I had a few good meets ,never developed any feelings,even with regulars.

However we just clicked and haven't looked back.

Just enjoy the site and see what happens.

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When we look back on our lives it'll be the memorable bits, the highs and the lows, that we'll cherish. Everything else in between is polyfilla. So throw yourself into life, fall in love, get heartbroken, and above all... minimise boring ordinariness as much as possible or you'll end up regretting all the time you wasted on it that you could've spent filling your life with more memorable experiences

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I have no intention of getting close to anyone on here. I can have a laugh and a shag without developing feelings, and I don't think that makes me cold."

Same here

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"let them develop. the people who like that will be ok with it.

fuck this 'run away' shit you always hear about. you can fuck up the best relationships doing that.

And I probably have fucked up potentially great relationships because of it.

I'm just afraid of feelings not being reciprocated and getting hurt.

I know getting hurt is part of life but I do my very best to avoid it at all costs. "

Then you have two choices.

Act on your emotions or not.

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By *ollyGWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

I have clicked with guys on here, had alot of fun, wished it could be more but not always the case, enjoy but accept that we don't always get what we want. It is possible tho, good luck and I hope you find what you want x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

these songs describe fab for me and how to play it. most guys are like this on here i feel but if you really feel someone is genuine you should go for it. dead calming tunes also, so bonus lol.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyrFko0C5Pk

When I wake up I find you're here

I should feel joy

But I am not even near

I don't know where you've been tonight

I guess you've been with someone else

But I don't care if I'm right

I do not feel no jealousy

If I would lose you now

I'd simply say it's destiny, destiny, destiny...

I find you're here

You're moving on

You're just doing what you want

And I can't find it wrong

I know for sure you would be gone

You wouldn't stay with me

If something better comes along

I do not feel anxiety

I wouldn't be alone for long

It's destiny, destiny, destiny, destiny...

When I wake up I find you're here

I should feel joy

But I am not even near

I don't know where you've been tonight

If I would lose you now

I'd simply say it's destiny

I can not blame you for a thing

If I would have the chance

I'd do the same to you

Destiny, destiny, destiny...

When I wake up I find you're here

I should feel joy

But I am not even near

I don't know where you've been tonight

I guess you've been with someone else

But I don't care if I'm right

I do not feel no jealousy

If I would lose you now

I'd simply say it's destiny, destiny, destiny...

I find you're here

You're moving on

You're just doing what you want

And I can't find it wrong

I do not feel anxiety

I would not be alone for long it's destiny...

When I wake up I find you're gone

There should be grief but I feel none

Trying to leave the night behind

I hardly get my thoughts in line

But there is one thing I could say

It seems I'm glad... I find you're gone

I find you're gone

You know it's wrong, you know the way

But do you really want to stay?

A sudden thought, a thing to mind

It would be only wasting time

No matter how hard you will try

It's just a feeling passing by

I won't say that it's true

That I'm here to stick with you

You know, for me it's just a game

And that you're not the one to blame

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel you're overthinking it all. Just go with the flow and do what feels right at the time. Life's too short for worrying about what may be or won't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When we look back on our lives it'll be the memorable bits, the highs and the lows, that we'll cherish. Everything else in between is polyfilla. So throw yourself into life, fall in love, get heartbroken, and above all... minimise boring ordinariness as much as possible or you'll end up regretting all the time you wasted on it that you could've spent filling your life with more memorable experiences

Excellent advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We met on a sex site and now we are married. But we also still want this to be part of our lives, so whether or not you'd carry on with this lifestyle after falling in love would be up to you and your partner. And I know we arnt the only ones that met like this.

Real love so rarely comes along in life that it needs to be held onto with both hands and cherished and encouraged to grow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant.

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