FabSwingers.com forum: Friendship problems

By *layalong OP Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

My so called best friend is obsessed with my husband, and I'm really uneasy with it all. She's waaaayyyy over the top touchy-feely and has said she'd love to have Sex with him. Now I'm at that point of just ignoring her and coming ascross as rude which I am not. But.. I'm supposed to be into swapping so why is this doing my head in so much?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe because she's not a random she's someone he sees all of the time so he could develop feelings from her

She's not talking about a swap she just wants to fuck your husband

She's your best friend and it's highly inappropriate

I'd feel exactly the same

Ruby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She seems predatory. I'm guessing if you met a random couple and the wife was acting the same it'd put you off?

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

That seems a bit creepy to me,have you said that it makes you uncomfortable? Xx

Miss

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By *layalong OP Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

And when I mean close friends I mean close, she's stays at our house quite often. I try n laugh it off but I just feel sick to my stomach. I keep what if in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She might think you're close enough to not care? I'd say something. Let her know your boundaries and hopefully she'll respect them.

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By *riskynriskyCouple
over a year ago

Essex.

It's because it's personal, swinging isn't personal...

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

You feel like that because she's your bestie. It's one thing to say she fancies your hubby but another to touch him!

Is she aware you're on here? She might feel her behaviour is ok if she is. If not, I'd be having a quiet word with her. Actually even if she is its clearly making you uncomfortable so I'd have a chat with her anyway

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

Is she a real life friend or a swinger friend?

Yes I know they intermingle, but me and hubby have a no one from our real lives rule about swinging. Random strangers fine, if we become friends with them, still fine. But not someone we know from outside our swinging world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she's a real life proper friend I can see why you wouldn't like it! I wouldn't either!

Bit too close to home for my liking!

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By *layalong OP Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

She's our only real friend who knows what stuff we are into. She's single and mingling with anyone who'll have sex with her. I've felt sick for weeks thinking about her all over him. Maybe I'm being unreasonable for feeling this way. The flirting, the looks, the holding him tight while squeezing past. Yuck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all! Can completely understand why you feel that way!

If she's single and mingling with guys, have you got a note of her number? Lol

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By *ouble CCouple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

"She's our only real friend who knows what stuff we are into. She's single and mingling with anyone who'll have sex with her. I've felt sick for weeks thinking about her all over him. Maybe I'm being unreasonable for feeling this way. The flirting, the looks, the holding him tight while squeezing past. Yuck

Unacceptable. Just because you guys are in this lifestyle she has NO RIGHT to act like that. U need to tell her and tell ur husband that it isn't on and he also needs to tell her it isn't on. Miss C. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's a shame, she's kind of breached your trust as well then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You've made the mistake of telling her that you swing and now she thinks anything goes.

Tell her to back the fuck off, your relationship, your rules.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also have to wonder why your partner hasn't told her to back off? Maybe your friend's not the real problem here?

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By *ouble CCouple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

"That's a shame, she's kind of breached your trust as well then."

Agree. Not on. At all.

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By *ove bi guysWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

That'd feel wring to me .... close friend / sister / cousins, those boundaries are there for a reason.

What does your your husband think or do about it ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does she know you are swingers?

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By *layalong OP Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Yes she knows we play, that's how much trust we have with her or had. I'm kinda sad I lost a good friend too

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By *ragon-tattMan
over a year ago

runcorn

This sounds dangerous...id just let her know it's not on, I'd also _ouble check with Mr to make sure he knows she's off limits..

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By *layalong OP Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Oh he knows it's off limits

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Maybe you should explain that just because you swing, doesn't make it open season on your husband. You choose who you play with, and you've chosen not to play with her, so she should respect boundaries.

I know people not into this lifestyle think its a free for all fuckfest but it isn't, and maybe she needs to be educated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes she knows we play, that's how much trust we have with her or had. I'm kinda sad I lost a good friend too "

Maybe she wonders why you'll play with others but not with your best friend? Perhaps you need to spell it out to her that friendship is precisely why you won't play with her but play with other people.

Maybe encourage her onto this site so she can get her fun elsewhere without going after your hubby?

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"Yes she knows we play, that's how much trust we have with her or had. I'm kinda sad I lost a good friend too "

Well you may still get her back! A lot of people outside the swinging world seem to think everyone is 'fair game' to swingers - just point out kindly but firmly that that's not the case - and get your husband to do the same - then leave things to cool off for a while - and you may get your friend back!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a frank conversation with her; you don't want to lose your friendship.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

"Maybe because she's not a random she's someone he sees all of the time so he could develop feelings from her

She's not talking about a swap she just wants to fuck your husband

She's your best friend and it's highly inappropriate

I'd feel exactly the same

Ruby"

Agreed....your friend is not showing you any respect so you need to speak to her asap

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By *layalong OP Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I can understand her wanting a shot on him,he's a good looking guy. You'd think she'd know better not to chase your best pals husband. Hurt doesn't come close

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

"My so called best friend is obsessed with my husband, and I'm really uneasy with it all. She's waaaayyyy over the top touchy-feely and has said she'd love to have Sex with him. Now I'm at that point of just ignoring her and coming ascross as rude which I am not. But.. I'm supposed to be into swapping so why is this doing my head in so much?

I presume she knows you guys are here if she's close? Its almost as if the overriding thing is the word itself "Swinging" You swing, therefore you are fair game no matter what your preferences are.

H had issues with two guys that know, they hit on her one suggesting the obvious the other an mff with his wife, this despite both being told we wanted a female playmate only.

She just spoke quite bluntly to them & we are still friends..

H would probably start hitting on her till she feels uncomfortable and says so, then she'd point out its exactly how you feel about the Ott flirting

That's if she's straight of course

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

Take her to one side and tell her to stop flirting with your husband or your going to break her fingers

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By *layalong OP Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

We don't just fuck everyone as it's not what we are about, just want her to fuck off. We don't swing local either as we like to like our private life private if that makes sense. I don't just think this is about sex but actually wanting him for her own.

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By *ouble CCouple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

"We don't just fuck everyone as it's not what we are about, just want her to fuck off. We don't swing local either as we like to like our private life private if that makes sense. I don't just think this is about sex but actually wanting him for her own. "

She's needs to be told. And your husband needs to tell her as well. Show her that you stand together. Miss C. Xx

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By *ragon-tattMan
over a year ago

runcorn

She's needs to be told. And your husband needs to tell her as well. Show her that you stand together. Miss C. Xx "

Pretty sound advice..I'd she wants him, she needs to be told. If your friendship doesn't last..then it's better than your relationship and swinging being endangered by jealousy and mistrust.

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

She's needs to be told. And your husband needs to tell her as well. Show her that you stand together. Miss C. Xx "

Yep, it'll usually continue till he knocks her back if you think she's actually after him to take. So sit together and have it out with her..

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By *otwife8690Couple
over a year ago

Doncaster

Totally understand this. Maybe if your husband asks her to back off she might listen ask him to make it clear to her he isnt interested? You need to tell her shes overstepping the mark. X

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By *layalong OP Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Thank you all for being so understanding, it's nice to know I'm not a complete dick for feeling like this. I think I'm going to have to have a chat her very soon before we have a massive fall out

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By *ouble CCouple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

"Thank you all for being so understanding, it's nice to know I'm not a complete dick for feeling like this. I think I'm going to have to have a chat her very soon before we have a massive fall out "

Good idea. And you are NOT a dick. Have a chat and give her a chance to sort herself out if she continues elbow her. Miss C. Xx

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

If she's single, you have to consider why she she is being so up front about it. I'd be considering things she could be saying that you don't know about to other people about having him i.e. on a bet. It could make it very awkward when out in public. What you choose to tell people is one thing, what you do with people is another. You should probably just tell her one night when he is out of the room to ease off and stop teasing him as you don't like it. It might put a dampener on things for a moment but she'll know where she stands.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your feelings are valid.

However perhaps you need to think about why you don't like it with her, but you're ok with it from others.

Seems pretty harmless from your description.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You should probably just tell her one night when he is out of the room to ease off and stop teasing him as you don't like it. It might put a dampener on things for a moment but she'll know where she stands. "

Maybe he should say no? After all, it's him that she wants to be involved with?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well if she was a real friend she would not cross that bonder by trying to have sex with her friend’s partner its one golden rule no one should cross trying to have fun with her best friends partner. Who am I to say what’s right or wrong when I’m always in the wrong

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Maybe he should say no? After all, it's him that she wants to be involved with?"

It's her friend. If he's anything like the average bloke he'll say 'look luv, you're nice n all but she says we can't fuck so that's it'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well if she was a real friend she would not cross that bonder by trying to have sex with her friend’s partner its one golden rule no one should cross trying to have fun with her best friends partner."

I don't have that golden rule personally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe he should say no? After all, it's him that she wants to be involved with?

It's her friend. If he's anything like the average bloke he'll say 'look luv, you're nice n all but she says we can't fuck so that's it'. "

Well either he wants to fuck her or he doesn't. Perhaps he should make his decision and own it...

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By *ouble CCouple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

Your feelings are valid.

However perhaps you need to think about why you don't like it with her, but you're ok with it from others.

Seems pretty harmless from your description."

For me it's not in the vein of swinging. I would never allow Mr C to go a pub for example and 'pull' a woman and go home with her. I would never do that either. Swinging is something we do together, and separate at times, but for me it isn't the same.

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Maybe he should say no? After all, it's him that she wants to be involved with?

It's her friend. If he's anything like the average bloke he'll say 'look luv, you're nice n all but she says we can't fuck so that's it'.

Well either he wants to fuck her or he doesn't. Perhaps he should make his decision and own it..."

Is there some reason she can't speak up for herself? If he did it and embarrassed a long term friend ending in losing that friend she'd be pissed off at him. (out of this cov)

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

"Maybe you should explain that just because you swing, doesn't make it open season on your husband. You choose who you play with, and you've chosen not to play with her, so she should respect boundaries.

I know people not into this lifestyle think its a free for all fuckfest but it isn't, and maybe she needs to be educated."

This is the nail on the head.

I would suggest you both sit her down and have a chat, explain the above and lay down rules.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd kick her into touch. Literally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there some reason she can't speak up for herself? If he did it and embarrassed a long term friend ending in losing that friend she'd be pissed off at him. (out of this cov)

Because it's not her that the friend is trying to fuck.

You can't give or withdraw consent on behalf of someone else. If the OP is unhappy she should let her partner know, and then her partner should voice his decisions about his body.

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By *ouble CCouple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

Is there some reason she can't speak up for herself? If he did it and embarrassed a long term friend ending in losing that friend she'd be pissed off at him. (out of this cov)

Because it's not her that the friend is trying to fuck.

You can't give or withdraw consent on behalf of someone else. If the OP is unhappy she should let her partner know, and then her partner should voice his decisions about his body."

No....but she CAN voice her feelings. Relationships are give and take. And I'm very sure the lady's OH WON'T go there with this woman but he needs to know that his wife is unhappy about her behaviour. If she doesn't tell him how can he fix it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there some reason she can't speak up for herself? If he did it and embarrassed a long term friend ending in losing that friend she'd be pissed off at him. (out of this cov)

Because it's not her that the friend is trying to fuck.

You can't give or withdraw consent on behalf of someone else. If the OP is unhappy she should let her partner know, and then her partner should voice his decisions about his body.

That was what I suggested. That she chats to her partner, and lets him make a decision about his body and let the friend know.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Sounds like she doesn't understand swinging and thinks there are no boundaries.

She needs to be told and if that doesn't help you need a new friend, because a bestie wouldn't do that.

What does your husband say aboutit?

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By *ouble CCouple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

Is there some reason she can't speak up for herself? If he did it and embarrassed a long term friend ending in losing that friend she'd be pissed off at him. (out of this cov)

Because it's not her that the friend is trying to fuck.

You can't give or withdraw consent on behalf of someone else. If the OP is unhappy she should let her partner know, and then her partner should voice his decisions about his body.

That was what I suggested. That she chats to her partner, and lets him make a decision about his body and let the friend know."

Sorry. Sounded to me like you were saying she can't tell her OH what to do. Obviously you (by that I mean me) cant get tone etc from seeing something on a screen in a message. Miss C. Xx

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By *layalong OP Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

She was very touchy with him when we went out after Christmas to the point my friends where asking what's going on. I've just clammed up since then with her. I trust my husband but still fucked off that my other pals felt uncomfortable

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By *ouble CCouple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

Whatever you do and however you do it I hope it get sorted. Miss C. Xx

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By *layalong OP Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Whatever you do and however you do it I hope it get sorted. Miss C. Xx "

Thank you kindly xxx

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By *itsAndTaffCouple
over a year ago

Grays, Essex

I'm not condoning her behaviour as I would definitely feel the same as you

Like someone mentioned above OH & I have a no playing with anyone we knew in real life before we got involved in this scene

But as your friend knows your lifestyle choices could she think your husband is fairgame & that you'd be ok with that, does she know you had boundaries in respect of swinging

She could also be getting offended thinking why haven't I been invited into your bedroom when I've made it clear I'm interested & I know you play with others

I think you need to sit down & have a chat with her as it's not worth ruining a good friendship over

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"She was very touchy with him when we went out after Christmas to the point my friends where asking what's going on. I've just clammed up since then with her. I trust my husband but still fucked off that my other pals felt uncomfortable "

Yeah, she's overstepped the mark - it could be that she genuinely thinks because you swing it's open season on him, in which case if you sit down and have a chat and explain she should be appalled to have upset you and totally back-off.

Or, she could be one of those women that has no concept of loyalty, no respect for other people's relationships, and is being predatory - in which case she needs to be told in no uncertain terms to back-off or find a new friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Inevitable

You have seduced her

Your call X

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Um...?

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Getting back to the original topic

I'm surprised your OH hasn't told her to back off especially if he knows how peeved you are about it!!

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By *layalong OP Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Getting back to the original topic

I'm surprised your OH hasn't told her to back off especially if he knows how peeved you are about it!!"

I guess he doesn't want to feel awkward, if I pushed him he'd say something

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By *eviant and BemusedCouple
over a year ago

Burton

Well this went off on a tangent.

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By *eviant and BemusedCouple
over a year ago

Burton

"Getting back to the original topic

I'm surprised your OH hasn't told her to back off especially if he knows how peeved you are about it!!

I guess he doesn't want to feel awkward, if I pushed him he'd say something "

If she's your best mate, surely she can tell you're uncomfortable? In which case she is no friend of yours. If your husband is also uncomfortable, take a united front and tell her bluntly she's overstepping the mark. If your husband is ok with it, you have a husband issue more than a friend one. Either way, time to start talking.

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By *layalong OP Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I think she knows. I've hardly spoke to her, and when I have it's been very blunt

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By *irty filthy milfWoman
over a year ago

somewhere only i know!

"I think she knows. I've hardly spoke to her, and when I have it's been very blunt"

You need to tell her straight though! Although I once did this with a fab female friend of mine and asked her to follow the girls code of conduct and stay away from an ex of mine at a private party but she couldn't help herself and went there anyway, we then had words before she went back for a second helping. Didn't speak for a long time then held out the hand of friendship for her to do it again by taking him to a club party that I was going to and had the barefaced cheek to ring me before hand and ask if I was ok with it as she didn't think I would be there! So in my experience best to be honest and explain what you want and hope your friend is mature enough to respect you're feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is the perfect example of why you never tell your vanilla friends about your swinging life.

They will feel left out and not good enough to be invited into your bedroom....

Now to help you with this dilemma..... send me her number and I'll take her off your hands

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

Be VERY cautious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This

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By *ackStrakerMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Because she's not extolling a puerely sexual desire, but something more. Its just rude to do that in front of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she knows that you're into swinging then maybe she thinks it's acceptable behaviour? And by you laughing it off, well that's giving the impression you're happy about it. You need to talk to her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think she knows. I've hardly spoke to her, and when I have it's been very blunt

Why were you bothered if he was an ex?

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By *icky_tvLondonTV/TS
over a year ago

london

Is you head detachable?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a friend said that to me I'm afraid she would no longer be a friend. For me personally I would end the friendship as I would not have any trust there

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By *irty filthy milfWoman
over a year ago

somewhere only i know!

"I think she knows. I've hardly spoke to her, and when I have it's been very blunt

Why were you bothered if he was an ex?"

Ex or not ex if you ask a friend not to go there then you respect their wishes not their grovelling bullshit excuses, simples

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT THINKS THIS. But sorry that whole story didn't ring true to me. I'm guessing that was a man. Just some things that were said. Call me suspicious if you want to

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By *icky_tvLondonTV/TS
over a year ago

london

"AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT THINKS THIS. But sorry that whole story didn't ring true to me. I'm guessing that was a man. Just some things that were said. Call me suspicious if you want to

I often wonder if I'm the only one, and on occasions, pair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Getting back to the original topic

I'm surprised your OH hasn't told her to back off especially if he knows how peeved you are about it!!

I guess he doesn't want to feel awkward, if I pushed him he'd say something "

Should you have to push him? If he is aware of how uncomfortable this situation makes you feel where does his loyalty lie, with you or a friend? How would he feel if the situation was reversed and one of his mates was coming onto you in a way he found unacceptable?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think she knows. I've hardly spoke to her, and when I have it's been very blunt

Why were you bothered if he was an ex?

Ex or not ex if you ask a friend not to go there then you respect their wishes not their grovelling bullshit excuses, simples"

You can't dictate to a friend who she can or can't see. He's an ex, that means he's a free man to do as he wants, as your friend is a free agent too. Move on from him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As long as you trust your husband you shouldn't worry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As long as you trust your husband you shouldn't worry "

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By *irty filthy milfWoman
over a year ago

somewhere only i know!

"I think she knows. I've hardly spoke to her, and when I have it's been very blunt

Why were you bothered if he was an ex?

Ex or not ex if you ask a friend not to go there then you respect their wishes not their grovelling bullshit excuses, simples

You can't dictate to a friend who she can or can't see. He's an ex, that means he's a free man to do as he wants, as your friend is a free agent too. Move on from him."

Trust me I moved on a long time ago, but follow the girls code of not playing with a friends buddy or ex buddy, yet some people can't help themselves and come out with bullshit for how it happens after they've followed you're veris!! So very childish that they can't get their own meets and have to follow others I suppose I should feel privileged lol

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By *isdirtygirlCouple
over a year ago

somewhere out there

Totally understand this. Maybe if your husband asks her to back off she might listen ask him to make it clear to her he isnt interested? You need to tell her shes overstepping the mark. X"

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By *icky_tvLondonTV/TS
over a year ago

london

"I think she knows. I've hardly spoke to her, and when I have it's been very blunt

Why were you bothered if he was an ex?

Ex or not ex if you ask a friend not to go there then you respect their wishes not their grovelling bullshit excuses, simples

You can't dictate to a friend who she can or can't see. He's an ex, that means he's a free man to do as he wants, as your friend is a free agent too. Move on from him.

Surely there's nothing 'childish' about having sex.

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By *5happycoupleCouple
over a year ago

Tooting / dept 23 France

to summarise, a vanilla friend who you have told about your swinging lifestyle has started to flirt heavily with your husband. We don't know if your husband is encouraging, humouring her or ignoring the behaviour. We do know that you are very uncomfortable with it all. As the swinging is about you as a couple, you as a couple need to explain what your wants are as far as this friend is concerned. If you don't want to invite her to play with you, then she needs to understand that flirting with your husband is damaging your friendship. She can then make the decision as to whether she carries on with her behaviour or whether she goes back to being a friend. If she carries on with her behaviour, I would suggest that the friendship is over. I suspect the friendship is over anyway, as it appears you have lost trust with her and possibly respect too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think she knows. I've hardly spoke to her, and when I have it's been very blunt

Why were you bothered if he was an ex?

Ex or not ex if you ask a friend not to go there then you respect their wishes not their grovelling bullshit excuses, simples

You can't dictate to a friend who she can or can't see. He's an ex, that means he's a free man to do as he wants, as your friend is a free agent too. Move on from him.

Can't say I have that code with my friends. They have the freedom of choice, I'd never try and dictate, they know I support them in their decisions, even if I don't totally agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know exactly where you are coming from. I would say 'tell her how you feel' but then I would need to take my own advice! How does your hubby feel about the situation?

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

If this happened to me, I would talk to my partner and have him decide. His decision would inform my decision. We have had a couple of ex try to get in there between us. My OH doesn't see it happening, but I am very intuitive and I do. When we talk about it, he sees it. He's pretty oblivious to it and certainly doesn't encourage it. Nothing has happened and I know nothing would. It's about trusting your partner to do the best for you guys. None of my friends would ever do this. It wouldn't be any consideration, but then again, none of them know we swing

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By * SCARED x STIFF xCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

I've only skipped through so sorry if this has already been covered

It is perfectly normal for you to feel the way you do

It is also normal for your husband to be acting the way he is, she is your friend and he probably doesn't want to be caught in the middle of what could be a big fall out

It seems to me a lot of miscommunication is at play,

She thinks your swingers so it's fair game, that is understandable as she's not a swinger so couldn't possibly understand the rules and etiquette of the lifestyle.

I think you should invite her over and have a frank discussion between the 3 of you, explain to her why swinging with friends is off limits and why she caused embarrassment when she was being openly amorous with your hubby, there's every chance she'll be mortified once she realises how far she's overstepped the mark.

In order to keep her friendship after this knock back you could offer to teach her more about how swinging works and maybe even offer to accompany her to a club if she thinks it's for her.

If she can't handle the situation then it's better to lose a friend than your husband.

I suppose there is a lesson to be learned here about who we tell about our secret lives, not being judgemental at all, it's just that I know how very tempting it can be to want to tell people.

The best of luck to all three of you as you work out this awkward situation x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What the hell is your husband doing while this is happening?

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By *layalong OP Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"This is the perfect example of why you never tell your vanilla friends about your swinging life.

They will feel left out and not good enough to be invited into your bedroom....

Now to help you with this dilemma..... send me her number and I'll take her off your hands

You can have her mate x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Change your friend !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think this is sound advice. I personally couldn't do it, I have a vicious temper when unleashed and I would be worried that it would erupt uncontrollably. I will continue to avoid, glare and seethe.........

Please post on here the outcome when you reach it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You've made the mistake of telling her that you swing and now she thinks anything goes.

Tell her to back the fuck off, your relationship, your rules."

I was thinking that, maybe because she knows you swing she really does not realise what she is doing is upsetting you

Personally id tell her that all because you swing you like to keep sex and friends separate

If she carrys on id tell her to keep away

She may have though you was dropping hints by telling her maybe she thinks this is what you was after, give her the benifit of the doubt first

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

Sadly in my experience, a firm no and an explanation of them overstepping boundaries only creates more of a challenge/game and they come back harder. I suppose it depends how genuine your friendship is. I think it's down to the male in this situation to back them off. It's him that's the target of her attention and he needs to say no rather than you.

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By *oderndaylivesCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Completely justifiable. I have some friends who were vanilla but who came into the scene and we have never played with each other's love interests or each other. I can't see them in a sexual way and I just wouldn't feel comfortable. I had one boyfriend who kept pushing it and he ended up being abusive. If people don't respect your boundaries there will be troubles ahead. It maybe that she wants to go into the scene if she isn't already, but you need to make clear it's off limits, and if she continues I'd rethink your friendship. You shouldn't feel the way you do now, and you know because you're a swinger that it's not simple insecurities

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's because it's personal, swinging isn't personal..."

this - and if its making you feel incomfy and it was in a swinging situation you would stop it - so id say stop it more so seeing as it s your friend

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

You OH needs to CLEARLY state that she has gone too far. The next time she fawns over him, it's his job to move away/tell her to stop, not yours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You OH needs to CLEARLY state that she has gone too far. The next time she fawns over him, it's his job to move away/tell her to stop, not yours."

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By *ubSirVient-DefinitionCouple
over a year ago

dukinfield

H would probably start hitting on her till she feels uncomfortable and says so, then she'd point out its exactly how you feel about the Ott flirting

this is the answer. Just get flirting with her yourself make her uneasy as you feel.

We had a friend once who was bleeding on how she was Bi so a bit mate of ours, when they were in the loos, as girls do in pairs, went for it hands down the knickers and what not to call her our on it. She shit herself and embarrassingly admitted she wasn't.

You crack on to her. That'll get shut of her.

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By *uteLittleGeekWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere

You are very patient in this case . You shouldn't feel like you do! Follow your gut feeling and tell her to back off in very commanding manner . She will know you are not joking then .

But also your husband should tell her to back off too and show her he is not interested . You are a couple and you need to deal with this together !

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