FabSwingers.com forum: How do you deal with "do you meet alone"?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So we've recently started using this, and we've noticed tht some people will develop a rapport before asking if you meet alone, with some people even checking which half they're speaking to before asking.

How do you guys deal with this? is it better to explain your stance clearly, or do you find that you may as well just block them now, as clearly they only want one of you?

In our case this seems to be the girl they want more ofte, but are only saying they meet couples as a way of finding women who will meet alone. Thoughts?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

We state in our profile we meet together and if people ask,we tell them we come as a couple.

If someone is directing conversation at just one of us,we tend to block as we find it quite rude.

Miss

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We state in our profile we meet together and if people ask,we tell them we come as a couple.

If someone is directing conversation at just one of us,we tend to block as we find it quite rude.

Miss"

This is what we do for first messages like that, but we're mainly asking about people who seem fine for a fair few messages, assess the situation, and then ask like we don't tell each other what's going on. It makes the couple sound quite disingenuous. Mostly too, you often see their profile says something like "looking for a woman, or possibly couples". What they really seem to mean is, "we're looking for a threesome or bi girls only experience, so if the female half of a couple fits the bill, game on".

It kinda seems rude at that point not to respond though, as you're already in an active dialogue.

We're really just wondering if there's anyone who's found a good way of handling this, as we're not great at it yet haha.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would you worry about seeming rude?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your profile clearly states that you don't meet alone, anyone who asks despite this has no respect for your wishes. Fuck em.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not rude not to respond, don't waste your time on members you don't want to meet, just block them XXX

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

Clearly stated on our profile too but doesn't stop guys asking and I tend to say no thanks as I'm straight...response to which is usually "so am I"...my response "so you wouldn't want to meet me then"..."why not", or something similar comes back...this can go on for a while before the penny drops that they are talking to me. Paul.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stated in our profile no solo meets as we are couple and play as such

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's not rude not to respond, don't waste your time on members you don't want to meet, just block them XXX"

Yeah it always seems really hard once face pics have been swapped and stuff, but guess we have to just be a bit ruthless.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *randmrsminxyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

We can soon see where the conversation is going and just delete the message thread with a thanks but no thanks reply Some get arsey but we won't loose any sleep

There is the block button

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So we've recently started using this, and we've noticed tht some people will develop a rapport before asking if you meet alone, with some people even checking which half they're speaking to before asking.

How do you guys deal with this? is it better to explain your stance clearly, or do you find that you may as well just block them now, as clearly they only want one of you?

In our case this seems to be the girl they want more ofte, but are only saying they meet couples as a way of finding women who will meet alone. Thoughts?

Lots of couples have singles profiles. I always enquire of I'm only interested in one of them. It's not a malicious enquiry and it's not intended to hurt anyone. Normally I just only find one half of the couple interesting/attractive and I wonder if their relationship is set up to meet alone.

"No we don't" or "yes here are our singles usernames" are simple and acceptable answers.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

We do meet alone ... some refer them to our single profiles or vice versa if they are interested in meeting both.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mostly too, you often see their profile says something like "looking for a woman, or possibly couples"."

This is a clue yes. There are a few couples that extend to couple-couple foursomes as a compromise for the ffm they can't arrange. At this point my partner is convinced he's a spare part anyway so we avoid couples whose main focus is on bi women (inc. "girls play guys watch" scenarios).

There's no way of telling whether the conversations you describe were designed to manipulate or whether it was sincere chit-chat combined with a "just asking". Just reiterare what you're into and if it's a deal-breaker so be it. It doesn't matter if you've established rapport,swapped face pics or whatnot. Potential meets fall through for various reasons at various stages. A few mails in is pretty early on! If you showed up at their door and they said "ah, just her, sorry" - now *that* would have beem rude

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *itsAndTaffCouple
over a year ago

Grays, Essex

Your a couple why would you meet solo unless clearly stated in your profile

When it's clear people haven't read my profile it's an instant block, if they are to lazy to take 10 minutes to read your profile I imagine they'd be equally as lazy when it comes to satisfying you at a meet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We state in our profile we meet together and if people ask,we tell them we come as a couple.

If someone is directing conversation at just one of us,we tend to block as we find it quite rude.

Miss

It kinda seems rude at that point not to respond though, as you're already in an active dialogue.

We're really just wondering if there's anyone who's found a good way of handling this, as we're not great at it yet haha."

When they ask that, we take it as a clue that they would marginalise the male half of us and are looking for a performing seal. we just respond that our profile us very clear and that we're clearly not what they are looking for. then we say "take care" and don't enter into any further dialogue. we're not concerned if strangers on the Internet think we're rude. after all, we're never going to meet them so they'll never cross our minds again

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well, not always. I've often asked if the guy meets alone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We normally just say we never meet alone if anyone asks. Yes it's annoying and shows lack of respect but then we would never meet anyone who hadn't read our profile properly anyway. The whole thing about FAB is you are totally in control of what you do so just go with what you are comfortable with.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi OP.

Your profile makes it clear you don't meet alone. First mention of this from anyone...be it the first message or the 27th.....just block. I've been told the same kind of thing from a number of couples I've met/know.

Sadly the site seems to be populated with increasing numbers of knobheads.....best ignored.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We always state on our profile that we are a couple and when sending a message address us both. If we get messages addressing just one of us we will not reply as if people can't take time to read your interests/preferences then what's the point in having a profile and wasting people's time. Pictures are good but personalities are better. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well, not always. I've often asked if the guy meets alone."

I think we are all very well aware that you are generally the exception to most people's experience on here...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone, it seems there are varying opinions, but I'd say we're likely to just block anyone in future who's not read the profile, might even update it to answer a few more common questions.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

If you state on your profile you only meet as a couple, like we have, it's annoying for anyone to suggest otherwise, like you don't know your own minds.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

"Thanks everyone, it seems there are varying opinions, but I'd say we're likely to just block anyone in future who's not read the profile, might even update it to answer a few more common questions.

You are going to have a very large block list if you block those who don't read your profile, and as your block list isn't limitless.......

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A simple yes or no maybe ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

"Thanks everyone, it seems there are varying opinions, but I'd say we're likely to just block anyone in future who's not read the profile, might even update it to answer a few more common questions.

You are going to have a very large block list if you block those who don't read your profile, and as your block list isn't limitless......."

We find a short one line massage referring them back to profile works well, usually get a "sorry missed that" or they don't message again, then blocking isn't neccessary..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a lack of respect people have. If you are talking to a couple then you should respect that you may get the chance to join them as a couple. As a single person my view is you are joining a couple to enhance their fun not just seek your own gratification. If you want to meet a single lady then you should try to do that not try and wriggle in between a couple.

Personally I enjoy the dynamics of joining couples and everyone enjoying themselves

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is an opposite side to this.

As a single woman, nearly every time that I get a message from a couple it's along the lines of "I really like you...etc..."

Then I have to ask which one is writing to me and if it's just them or both who are interested.

It's rare - very rare - that a couple write to me as "We..."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

"There is an opposite side to this.

As a single woman, nearly every time that I get a message from a couple it's along the lines of "I really like you...etc..."

Then I have to ask which one is writing to me and if it's just them or both who are interested.

It's rare - very rare - that a couple write to me as "We..."

Its a double edged sword though, if they are a genuine couple it shouldn't matter which one unless its you that are the one trying to do the separating? We have had this before ourselves.

I (note that

) always sign off with my initial as does H on forum posts so at least you know there.

We do know that a lot of ladies prefer to talk to the female of couples though & understand the reasoning.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is an opposite side to this.

As a single woman, nearly every time that I get a message from a couple it's along the lines of "I really like you...etc..."

Then I have to ask which one is writing to me and if it's just them or both who are interested.

It's rare - very rare - that a couple write to me as "We..."

Its a double edged sword though, if they are a genuine couple it shouldn't matter which one unless its you that are the one trying to do the separating? We have had this before ourselves.

I (note that

) always sign off with my initial as does H on forum posts so at least you know there.

We do know that a lot of ladies prefer to talk to the female of couples though & understand the reasoning.

A couple is not hive mind though. Two people who are in a relationship are still individuals with their own needs, wants, desires, personalities, quirks, likes, tastes, etc.

And it's good to get to know people as individuals, even if you're meeting them as a couple. So identifying oneself, or identifying that both are typing, is great. Because it helps you to understand them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Clearly stated on our profile too but doesn't stop guys asking and I tend to say no thanks as I'm straight...response to which is usually "so am I"...my response "so you wouldn't want to meet me then"..."why not", or something similar comes back...this can go on for a while before the penny drops that they are talking to me. Paul."

this made us laugh. We've done the same before now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is annoying and I always tell them I don't meet alone. Perhaps I'm too polite.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

"There is an opposite side to this.

As a single woman, nearly every time that I get a message from a couple it's along the lines of "I really like you...etc..."

Then I have to ask which one is writing to me and if it's just them or both who are interested.

It's rare - very rare - that a couple write to me as "We..."

Its a double edged sword though, if they are a genuine couple it shouldn't matter which one unless its you that are the one trying to do the separating? We have had this before ourselves.

I (note that

) always sign off with my initial as does H on forum posts so at least you know there.

We do know that a lot of ladies prefer to talk to the female of couples though & understand the reasoning.

A couple is not hive mind though. Two people who are in a relationship are still individuals with their own needs, wants, desires, personalities, quirks, likes, tastes, etc.

Agreed & and it is not natural to type "We" as you say "we' are not a hive mind but two individuals and it is why unlike many on here we like moving conversation to better messaging systems where three way live chat is possible & preferred.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is an opposite side to this.

As a single woman, nearly every time that I get a message from a couple it's along the lines of "I really like you...etc..."

Then I have to ask which one is writing to me and if it's just them or both who are interested.

It's rare - very rare - that a couple write to me as "We..."

Its a double edged sword though, if they are a genuine couple it shouldn't matter which one unless its you that are the one trying to do the separating? We have had this before ourselves.

I (note that

) always sign off with my initial as does H on forum posts so at least you know there.

We do know that a lot of ladies prefer to talk to the female of couples though & understand the reasoning.

A couple is not hive mind though. Two people who are in a relationship are still individuals with their own needs, wants, desires, personalities, quirks, likes, tastes, etc.

Yes, but how are you expected to respond to a message from a couple saying "I really like you - would you meet me?" - singular - obviously not from both, and not saying which one?

I get that a lot and usually keep well away, as it's either a fake couple's profile, or a couple who are not acting like a couple. Difficult if I would otherwise have been interested in them...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is an opposite side to this.

As a single woman, nearly every time that I get a message from a couple it's along the lines of "I really like you...etc..."

Then I have to ask which one is writing to me and if it's just them or both who are interested.

It's rare - very rare - that a couple write to me as "We..."

Its a double edged sword though, if they are a genuine couple it shouldn't matter which one unless its you that are the one trying to do the separating? We have had this before ourselves.

I (note that

) always sign off with my initial as does H on forum posts so at least you know there.

We do know that a lot of ladies prefer to talk to the female of couples though & understand the reasoning.

A couple is not hive mind though. Two people who are in a relationship are still individuals with their own needs, wants, desires, personalities, quirks, likes, tastes, etc.

Yes, but how are you expected to respond to a message from a couple saying "I really like you - would you meet me?" - singular - obviously not from both, and not saying which one?

I get that a lot and usually keep well away, as it's either a fake couple's profile, or a couple who are not acting like a couple. Difficult if I would otherwise have been interested in them...

I tend to message them back and say 'if you're interested in meeting as singles, could you message me from your singles profile please?'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

"There is an opposite side to this.

As a single woman, nearly every time that I get a message from a couple it's along the lines of "I really like you...etc..."

Then I have to ask which one is writing to me and if it's just them or both who are interested.

It's rare - very rare - that a couple write to me as "We..."

Its a double edged sword though, if they are a genuine couple it shouldn't matter which one unless its you that are the one trying to do the separating? We have had this before ourselves.

I (note that

) always sign off with my initial as does H on forum posts so at least you know there.

We do know that a lot of ladies prefer to talk to the female of couples though & understand the reasoning.

A couple is not hive mind though. Two people who are in a relationship are still individuals with their own needs, wants, desires, personalities, quirks, likes, tastes, etc.

Yes, but how are you expected to respond to a message from a couple saying "I really like you - would you meet me?" - singular - obviously not from both, and not saying which one?

I get that a lot and usually keep well away, as it's either a fake couple's profile, or a couple who are not acting like a couple. Difficult if I would otherwise have been interested in them...

We get the same from "couples" and to start are quiet blunt "Hi have you read our profile?" So maybe be the same? "Meet you? Shouldn't that be us?" Your right though a lot will be single guys or very male driven couples.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say no,nothing else needed,no explanation required,just a plain simple no.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you state on your profile you only meet as a couple, like we have, it's annoying for anyone to suggest otherwise, like you don't know your own minds.

However people say one thing and do another - this happens all the time. People do not update their profiles, or deliberately write things that are misleading. So I can understand why some people will try and chance it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If someone asks if you meet alone and you don't, just say "no". If they're trying to do it behind both other partners backs block as well.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

"If you state on your profile you only meet as a couple, like we have, it's annoying for anyone to suggest otherwise, like you don't know your own minds.

Tbh most of the people that have expressed interest in playing with us we do not fit the profile of.

Go figure, but we are not complaining

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say no of course if you are a cpl.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is an opposite side to this.

As a single woman, nearly every time that I get a message from a couple it's along the lines of "I really like you...etc..."

Then I have to ask which one is writing to me and if it's just them or both who are interested.

It's rare - very rare - that a couple write to me as "We..."

Would that be a warning that the "couple" may in fact not be a couple?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our profile states "we only play as a couple" and also says to save time, "hi and we are fine"

It is easy then to see who has actually read the profile.

We don't reply to those who haven't read the profile.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *roud_RedheadWoman
over a year ago

Coventry

I am here to meet alone.

Why would that worry me?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Our profile states "we only play as a couple" and also says to save time, "hi and we are fine"

It is easy then to see who has actually read the profile.

We don't reply to those who haven't read the profile.

We take the same view. We just ignore them if they ask to meet alone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I meet alone so there's no problem

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's best to be open and honest. That way everyone knows where you stand. I myself am in a open relationship and we both swing and are on here. As long as we both say where we are and who we are meeting it's cool.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am here to meet alone.

Why would that worry me?"

In all honesty, I should have probably ones this at couples, but the title was big enough haha.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread