FabSwingers.com forum: Advice on how to make the 'fantasy to reality' transition?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi guys. My partner and I have for a long time acted out fantasies involving others in the bedroom, but fantasy is as far as it has gone. I would like to explore the next step but honestly don't know how to bring it up.

One of our favourites is to go away to a cheap Travelodge or similar, her to dress up and be blindfolded and tied to the bed. I then tell her im leaving and have arranged a visit for her. This always gets her really hot and the sex is great, but last time I asked her how she would feel if I really did arrange that and she just looked at me like I was crazy, and brushed it off as if she assumed I was joking. I didn't have the brass neck to push the issue at the time.

Im now stuck between the worry of how she might react to knowing im serious, and being unable to get the fantasy out of my head. I have no interest in any kind of humiliation, nor am I underconfident in my own size or ability. I just like the idea of watching her get off. Before we met (10 years ago) she was rather adventurous, shall we say, and her telling me about these things is a real turn on for me - though she is sometimes very hesitant to share.

I am sure that she would not be ok with me and other women, at least at first, due to some insecurity about her own figure, one concern is that she thinks im suggesting this so I can play the field - this is most certainly not the case.

Would welcome any advice from those that have been in this position before. Sorry for the rambling, disjointed post - getting how im feeling down wasnt as easy as I thought it would be!

Cheers.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Bottom line...you cannot make someone do something that they do not wish to do.

I think that bringing it up when you two are having fun together is the best idea. See how she reacts, and from what you say it's not looking likely at present.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you not just ask her straight out if she fancies going to a club just to see what it's like. Not to play. Then afterwards have a frank conversation?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you have answered your own question already. have some respect for her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honest communication, and be prepared to respect her decision if it's a no. Far too many seem to regard refusal as a challenge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The fantasy of being tied blindfolded and a random stranger having his way with her is just that, by the sounds of it.

It's a pretty big jump to start there.

I wouldn't take the fantasy too literally anymore. Take your time and when you next discuss fantasy perhaps ask if she'd like to visit a swing club. Just to watch even.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I appreciate the replies. I do have respect for her and would absolutely not treat any refusal as a challenge. I know her very well and would not even consider pursuing this if I didn't get the feeling it was something she would be interested in.

I think my best option is to be honest with her and tell her I have been thinking about it, that I wasn't joking, and see how she reacts.

Thanks.

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By *ex-a-frolicsCouple
over a year ago

Brizzle

Does she know about Fab, have you told her you're on here & with what intention? Honesty is the best policy & communication is the key, fantasies however are sometimes better left as that!! Swinging can be wonderful with adults singing from the same hymn sheet, but doesn't bode well if one party is coerced.

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By *ainbowBrite57Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"The fantasy of being tied blindfolded and a random stranger having his way with her is just that, by the sounds of it.

It's a pretty big jump to start there.

I wouldn't take the fantasy too literally anymore. Take your time and when you next discuss fantasy perhaps ask if she'd like to visit a swing club. Just to watch even. "

Agree that's a huge leap as a first step.

Maybe just have a sexy conversation about some of the scenarios you have acted out and ask her if there's any she'd like to try for real. Explore the conversations around being watched or watching. Don't pressure her and reassure her that it's her you are turned on by and see how it goes?

It maybe that it's just a fantasy for her but gentle steps to figure out what she wants

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or maybe let her think it's someone else..leave her tied and blindfolded on the bed...leave the room then enter a few minutes later. Don't say anything just tease and then ravish your wife...not saying a word....when finished leave her blindfolded leave the room again and then enter back...if she is raging mad at any time in thinking it's possibly been someone else then you know it's a no...if she is aroused and enjoys then ide say it's a possibility. Even go as far as maybe use a quick spray of a different aftershave to help disguise yourself a bit...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

much to consider and I agree, that as a 'first step' would be too much. I only used it as an example because we have, quite a number of times, acted out the fantasy in exactly the way 'The Real Bitch' described and it is definitely one of her favourites. I asked her last time what she would do if she found out it was for real and she said she doesn't know. She did say, (and here is where im not sure if she was just playing up to the fantasy) that if she found out it wasn't me mid way through she probably wouldn't be able to stop herself, but that I would be in trouble later. It was said in such a way that 'trouble' didn't sound like anything cataclysmic.

This discussion and all you guys advice has certainly made it clearer to me that I need to find a way of having a frank discussion and seeing what she is keen on.

She doesn't know about fab, and I feel like im doing something underhanded and will introduce her to it once I have explained to her my reasons for seeking out advice. I am not here to meet others outside of my relationship, and never have done. Sometimes though I feel a bit of outside perspective is needed

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