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How to be a good Sadist?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just wondered what makes a good Sadist?

I've always got a huge mental stimulation by being in control and satisfying my ego. This is primary due to me being a narcissist since I have a mood-disorder which is completely genetic.

My partner loves the idea of the whole forceful persona and making her do things she doesn't want to do. It is one of her biggest darkest fantasies.

So far I've been watching dozens of flogging videos in how to use a flogger in a safe but effective way.

I like the idea of making her wear a collar to give her the idea that she is a slave to my desires. Adds the whole psychological trap.

I think handcuffs are more for the sensual play. I don't mind doing sensual when she is in that mood but as for Sadism I prefer duck taping her to the bed like on the movie Nymphomanic.

I think I might really have to volunteer to be a masochist for a while to some female sadist and get a idea of what pain can be pleasurable.

I'm not just into the idea of thrashing my partner till shes bleeding over her ass cheeks.

So where are all the Sadists and Masochists at?

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By *aptivatingWoman
over a year ago

Chester

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Start gently, work your way up, initially try using a traffic light system or something similar - so green is go for it, amber is I'm at the top of my range, red is "get the feck off me right now". You are not only listening to her words, you are watching her reactions, some people have very visible tells that they are struggling to handle the level of pain you are dishing out (toe curling, pulling away, fist clenching). Learn how her body reacts at different stages, so that you can use this information as you go in future sessions.

Decide what you are after, wanting to see someone hurt for you is easy, sending someone flying in subspace a completely different kettle of fish. Read up on endorphins, understand the importance of a warm up and ramping things up slowly, back off, mix things up with gentle caresses, see if she prefers a set number of strokes to work to, or if she enjoys not having a clue what's coming. Maybe she handles it better if she's bound, maybe that makes it harder to process. Perhaps a blindfold works, maybe it doesn't. Possibly a brutal approach works well for her during a scene, or maybe she gets off on the dichotomy of tenderness from the hands that beat her.

There are so many different types of sadist, you'll quickly find out what parts you enjoy, and there are many different types of sub. What makes a good sadist for one person, may not work for another. That said, to my mind all good sadists have a few traits in common. They observe and listen to their masochist/sub, they respond to the situation on the day (a female masochist for example may respond differently during their period in terms of how much pain they can handle), they always respect limits and they ensure both parties have their needs met. If things don't go according to plan (and in my experience this happens fairly regularly), they suck it up and make things right.

I agree getting on the receiving end of the different tools in your toy bag is a good idea, but do be careful that you don't make the mistake of thinking you'll both perceive things in the same way. I hope you both have a lot of fun exploring!

X

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By *eKoopleCouple
over a year ago

Germany / Manchester

A good Sadist is someone who has experience backed by flawless learning and cosistant practice.

Communication, Welfare and Safety of the Sub is paramount and those that don't learn the necessary basics often find their Sub traumatic post play. -M

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are lots of groups and threads on a fet site that can help you understand things a little more. It's interesting that you have gone straight for the sadist title rather than the title of Dom. If that's the route you are going down be careful to know exactly what you are getting you and your partner into and make sure your aware of after care. If aftercare doesn't take place it can be a traumatic time for a sub.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to be a contrarian. You asked how to be a good sadist, the reply is, a good sadist to whom. It can work two ways, you do want to her, or you do what she wants to her because you want to do it. I leave it to you work out which of the two is the best way to proceed.

I would then suggest together attending events and reading up on the wide range of activities that can be done and learn how to do them in a manner that is safe to physical and mental health.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bookmarks this thread for later reading

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Start gently, work your way up, initially try using a traffic light system or something similar - so green is go for it, amber is I'm at the top of my range, red is "get the feck off me right now". You are not only listening to her words, you are watching her reactions, some people have very visible tells that they are struggling to handle the level of pain you are dishing out (toe curling, pulling away, fist clenching). Learn how her body reacts at different stages, so that you can use this information as you go in future sessions.

Decide what you are after, wanting to see someone hurt for you is easy, sending someone flying in subspace a completely different kettle of fish. Read up on endorphins, understand the importance of a warm up and ramping things up slowly, back off, mix things up with gentle caresses, see if she prefers a set number of strokes to work to, or if she enjoys not having a clue what's coming. Maybe she handles it better if she's bound, maybe that makes it harder to process. Perhaps a blindfold works, maybe it doesn't. Possibly a brutal approach works well for her during a scene, or maybe she gets off on the dichotomy of tenderness from the hands that beat her.

There are so many different types of sadist, you'll quickly find out what parts you enjoy, and there are many different types of sub. What makes a good sadist for one person, may not work for another. That said, to my mind all good sadists have a few traits in common. They observe and listen to their masochist/sub, they respond to the situation on the day (a female masochist for example may respond differently during their period in terms of how much pain they can handle), they always respect limits and they ensure both parties have their needs met. If things don't go according to plan (and in my experience this happens fairly regularly), they suck it up and make things right.

I agree getting on the receiving end of the different tools in your toy bag is a good idea, but do be careful that you don't make the mistake of thinking you'll both perceive things in the same way. I hope you both have a lot of fun exploring!

X"

this post is spot on especial the traffic light system communication and ramping things up slowly .

your going to have to exert control over yourself as much as her.

build up slowly to the real heavy play start with verbal play to engage her mind slowly move on to physical play slowly ramp up that physical play because you have to slowly work her mind into sub space .

you need chemicals to be release into the brain to slowly help her reach sub space .

adrenaline norepinephrine

dopamine

oxytocin

endorphins

brake your play up you start off with a orgasm for her if you can this released her reserves of endorphins and all the chemical above raising her pain threshold and her sensitivity to pleasure.

you then have a light play stimulate her body with light pain plenty of touching then you have one of two opposition as this play comes to a end you ether

give her another orgasm or a intense pleasure moment.

or a short intense pain moment .

this produces another massive hit of the chemicals above raising her pain level plus her sensitivity to pleasure again

from then on you rinse and repeat what I've wrote above slowly flooding her brain with all the chemicals above .

each hit of said chemical raises her resistance to pain and increases her sensitivity to pleasure .

bringing her closer to you and that elusive plus called sub space

you can't snap your fingers and expect her to be in the zone just like that you work her up into that state of mind over a few hours or even longer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Start gently, work your way up, initially try using a traffic light system or something similar - so green is go for it, amber is I'm at the top of my range, red is "get the feck off me right now". You are not only listening to her words, you are watching her reactions, some people have very visible tells that they are struggling to handle the level of pain you are dishing out (toe curling, pulling away, fist clenching). Learn how her body reacts at different stages, so that you can use this information as you go in future sessions.

Decide what you are after, wanting to see someone hurt for you is easy, sending someone flying in subspace a completely different kettle of fish. Read up on endorphins, understand the importance of a warm up and ramping things up slowly, back off, mix things up with gentle caresses, see if she prefers a set number of strokes to work to, or if she enjoys not having a clue what's coming. Maybe she handles it better if she's bound, maybe that makes it harder to process. Perhaps a blindfold works, maybe it doesn't. Possibly a brutal approach works well for her during a scene, or maybe she gets off on the dichotomy of tenderness from the hands that beat her.

There are so many different types of sadist, you'll quickly find out what parts you enjoy, and there are many different types of sub. What makes a good sadist for one person, may not work for another. That said, to my mind all good sadists have a few traits in common. They observe and listen to their masochist/sub, they respond to the situation on the day (a female masochist for example may respond differently during their period in terms of how much pain they can handle), they always respect limits and they ensure both parties have their needs met. If things don't go according to plan (and in my experience this happens fairly regularly), they suck it up and make things right.

I agree getting on the receiving end of the different tools in your toy bag is a good idea, but do be careful that you don't make the mistake of thinking you'll both perceive things in the same way. I hope you both have a lot of fun exploring!

X

this post is spot on especial the traffic light system communication and ramping things up slowly .

your going to have to exert control over yourself as much as her.

build up slowly to the real heavy play start with verbal play to engage her mind slowly move on to physical play slowly ramp up that physical play because you have to slowly work her mind into sub space .

you need chemicals to be release into the brain to slowly help her reach sub space .

adrenaline norepinephrine

dopamine

oxytocin

endorphins

brake your play up you start off with a orgasm for her if you can this released her reserves of endorphins and all the chemical above raising her pain threshold and her sensitivity to pleasure.

you then have a light play stimulate her body with light pain plenty of touching then you have one of two opposition as this play comes to a end you ether

give her another orgasm or a intense pleasure moment.

or a short intense pain moment .

this produces another massive hit of the chemicals above raising her pain level plus her sensitivity to pleasure again

from then on you rinse and repeat what I've wrote above slowly flooding her brain with all the chemicals above .

each hit of said chemical raises her resistance to pain and increases her sensitivity to pleasure .

bringing her closer to you and that elusive plus called sub space

you can't snap your fingers and expect her to be in the zone just like that you work her up into that state of mind over a few hours or even longer

"

Purrrrrr

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