FabSwingers.com forum: Pain 6 months after hysterectomy

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi all,

I had a hysterectomy 6 months ago including the removal of my ovaries and cervix. I first had sex around 6 weeks afterwards and we took it very slowly. It actually felt fine and if anything felt even better than before (could be due to the 6 week wait!) Every time after that we still took it gently but slowly crept up in intensity (hubby is well endowed) so finally got to a point where we could have sex just like before with no problems.

At about 4 months post surgery we visited a club and met up with a guy we had spent hours talking to on a previous visit but hadn't played with. We spent an hour just hanging out with him, telling him about the operation and how anybody I slept with needed to be super careful and gentle with me. Well hubby said it was ok for me and the guy to go off to a private room. Once we were in the room the guy kicked into 'sex mode' and any talk of being gentle etc seemed to go out the window. He was VWE (only discovered this when we started getting down to it!) I kept trying to remind him that we needed to go slowly and even though I don't think he was hurting my on purpose, he continued to pound away at me. I didn't want to over react so we switched positions and I went on top in the hope I could slow things down to my own pace. Didn't really work though as he was just pumping from underneath instead! After he'd cum then quite frankly I wanted to just get out of there as I was in quite a lot of pain by now. He had just cum but was still hard and wanted to go for round two. I said he'd exhausted me and I couldn't manage it so I left and went to find hubby on the verge of tears. I went into the toilet and I was spotting blood. I felt so upset with myself that i'd allowed myself to be treated that way. Yes I had said he needed to be more gentle etc but I hadn't said it in a clear and firm way.

Anyway, the actual reason for this post was since then whenever me and hubby have sex it's pretty uncomfortable and we've never been able to get back to full on proper fucking. I've had an internal examination and all was fine so just wondering if I've damaged myself for good and me and hubby can never experience sex without holding back or if I just need to wait a little longer to heal totally (it's now been 2 months since the night at the club).

Anybody have a similar experience please?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First of all I want to send you a big hug. What an awful experience for you, i hope you're okay.

I'm no expert, but anxiety can cause havoc with things like this. Without even realising, your muscles can tense up and cause you pain. If it is this, I can only suggest taking things extra extra slowly, and doing everything you can to both relax and get turned on. One step at a time, and if it hurts, go back a step.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a partial be 2 years ago and really did suffer the same! I found I couldn't get wet and maintain it so sex started to hurt.

I found a product in Boots called Replens which changed my life and as stopped the sex from being painful. I will never be back to how I used to be as it made me start the menopause but I'm getting there.

Good luck and feel free to pm anytime

Pippa xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My goodness that is rather shocking behaviour (on the chap's part).

Do you think that the discomfort my now result from tension/apprehension you now feel? Maybe it is something that can be worked through with a mix of physical therapy and counselling for you and hubby to unpack any lingering concerns? After all I'm sure you don't want to compound things by burying it.

Anyway, that is my two penny's worth. I hope that you heal soon xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Go back to your GP and ask him to refer you back to the gynaecologist who did your hyster. You may need a scan, you may need reassurance from someone whose opinion is more expert that a general practitioner.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I felt so upset with myself that i'd allowed myself to be treated that way. Yes I had said he needed to be more gentle etc but I hadn't said it in a clear and firm way."

I couldn't read your post and not comment, my heart breaks to read of your experience. Please be in no doubt that this person failed you - you let him know that you were in a fragile post-op state, yet instead of him proactively checking to see if you were OK, or letting you set the pace, he followed his and pushed for more. You blame yourself for not stopping it or leaving or stating your wishes more strongly, but you were in a vulnerable state separated from your partner and being literally pounded to physical submission - this is just bullying! To refrain from calling it something else. It was not your job to stop him from bashing you a new one, it was his job to check with you that it was ok to do so - which you'd already said it wasn't!

I agree with above comment that you have both emotional and physical trauma to overcome. I agree with getting extra checks from the specialist, though bearing in mind that a positive clinical picture/ the doctors OKing sexual activity is different to how your own flesh feels. Your doctor may say something has healed (eg. no sign of infection, tissue is sufficiently regenerated etc) but the sensitivity can stay on for many months afterwards. I had a very minor procedure when I was having my coil inserted and, I joke you not, it took me a whole year to get back to feeling "normal". Listen to your body, take it slow, keep off wankers, no blaming yourself

Happy healing!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks guys, I really appreciate you responding. I think part of it is that I'm just a super polite person and didn't want to be a party pooper (I realise how ridiculous that sounds). Also, my hubby always thinks I'm a drama queen about everything so I didn't want to blow it up into something massive. Hubby was angry but then the guy even came over and chatted with us afterwards at the club and nobody seemed to mention anything so I did tell the guy that he made me bleed. His reaction was more of an "oops" more than anything.

I actually had a post operative check with the consultant who did an internal after I said I'd had sex and bled but he said everything looked ok but it'll take months to heal properly.

I'm just frustrated because up until the night at the club sex was actually going pretty well!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't say I've had a similar experience, but your main concern about your situration is that you feel you might be a permanent change in your body, and that change is making sex with your husband uncomfortable at times?

The first thing is to go back to your doctor and say that you realise you have been checked out before, but the problem is persisting and you want their help!

The second thing I would suggest is you play with smaller men and do it very gently. Don't be afraid to tell them to stop.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First of all I want to send you a big hug. What an awful experience for you, i hope you're okay.

This.....if, as you say, you've had the all clear on a full internal check, then it sounds more psychological than physiological....?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

[Removed by poster at 26/09/16 18:41:55]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

I had a full, abdominal hysterectomy in October last year including cervix and retention of ovaries as I was only 40.

I think we expect to zip back into shape because we are women and we think we should have a big 'S' on our chest and a cape!

It took me a good 3 months to feel anything close to normal after my surgery and even then I was very tentative. I am now 11 months post surgery and I still have some niggles but they are just that and not a problem at all.

Sex wasn't completely comfortable for me until around 8 months down the line, when I was pain free and my hormones were balanced to become wet enough (sorry guys! ) lol

I think maybe you saw that he was VWE and subconsciously thought 'shit!' and then mechanically things may have become more difficult without you realising it.

I know you want your life/sex life to get back to normal as soon as possible, but I will tell you what my amazing consultant told me. You have had an organ removed, with all it's neighbouring components. It is a BIG surgery and they have had to cut through 7 layers of fat and tissue to get to your uterus. They have removed the neck of your uterus (cervix) completely and brought together two sides of muscle and tissue that takes a long time to settle into it's new position. Your bladder and intestines will still be settling into the void that was your uterus and this can be uncomfortable (in fact I'm sitting here now in pain as I need a wee and it hurts when my bladder is full) and this can also cause discomfort during sex.

This is a BIG deal and you need to give yourself time, both psychologically and physically to heal. I feel a million dollars compared to 6 months post op and you will too. You have had the all clear from your specialist, so I'm afraid the old saying is most definitely right here....time is a great healer.

Much love and good luck in your recovery

Vicky xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks very much, I'm not a patient person but I guess it's never too late to learn! xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread