FabSwingers.com forum: Insecurities.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi everyone,

So, we have a meet arranged for the weekend and no its not our first or even our second...but I cannot seem to get over certain issues. I have had body issues for as long as I can remember and throughout my teens suffered from an eating disorder. Although I am recovered now, my body image issues never seem to go away.

I'm very happy in my relationship and love my partner very much. However in the back of my mind I cannot shake the thought that he will enjoy sex more with other more attractive women. Please do not tell me I should not be swinging, we all have our reasons and I have enjoyed past meets x

Just looking for a little advice really xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about a meet that is focused on you. All attention from all participants on you to boost your confidance

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

if you enjoy it and want to carry on doing it you might just have to live with the thoughts until experience proves them to be unfounded.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all have insecurities. For example I've just started seeing someone and from the outset she looks so sexually confident and ready for anything.

Then she was explaining how she would not like to go on top of a guy since she would feel self consoucse and afraid she was not moving "correctly". She also does not put her underwear out on the clothes line, just in case the neighbours see. Her underwear is quite normal!

And that's the thing - the things that you're worried about are probably the things nobody else give a second thought about.

As an prevous poster if you enjoy it don't stop doing it. But yes - It does take a lot of time and effort to have enough experience where you can be confident in yourself.

Good luck

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By *ustfortonightMan
over a year ago

Kent

He might enjoy sex with a more attractive woman, but perhaps for him there isn't a more attractive woman than you...

Eye of the beholder and all that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Insecurities are natural. Human nature, however what you have got to focus on is that he is with you. He wants you.

Paul and I have both said to that its different fucking new people, it's exciting, raw, dirty. BUT there is nothing that beats the intimacy that you have together, the comfortable sex, the knowing exactly what feels good for each other.

Just keep completely open with each other, talk, tell each other what worries you have and reassure each other, we all have wobbles along the way and that's ok. Paul and I indulge in swinging lots and then we go maybe a year away from swinging where we regroup and refocus on each other... Then the itch starts again and we come back

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Instead of thinking about whos going to run off with who, focus on what you enjoy about swinging then. Like stripping a woman naked, sitting on her face and eating your parters dick whilst there's a well positioned Doxy. You can obviously increase said scenario in levels of dirtiness as you wish

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By *heCuriousCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

As others have said think about why you're doing this.

We do it for the thrill of doing something naughty with one another .

Best friends being mischievous together.

What tops it off though is what it does for our sex life after.

Hope this helps.

D&G

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

What would you consider to be a more attractive woman?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would have thought loving someone is far stronger than lusting after somebody. He's chosen to be with you, and may enjoy sex with someone who you deem more attractive, but it couldn't compare with sex he has with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From the point of view of a guy that is insecure about his body. But very secure and open in my relationship with my wife I would say enjoy the thrill of swinging but remember your other half wants you not just a quicky with a woman you think is better looking than you.

She probably has her own hang ups as well and if you knew them you may well think what is she worrying about that for.

Not sure if this helps but it's my take on it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm currently in treatment for an eating disorder too. Just wanted to send you a big hug and solidarity. When I've mentioned some of my insecurities on fab forums I've noticed some people are very quick to tell me what I should/ should not be doing.

For me it's about no longer living in the shadows, about seeing that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and finding self-acceptance and confidence from that.

Biggest hugs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know it may not help...as often your "body image problems" are mor a mind thing than your actual body....but from your pics, you have nothing to be concerned about. It is unlikely there will be women there who could match what you have!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just do what feels right and comfortable for you at the moment. If you don't feel ready right now, that's okay. It's entirely your prerogative. Doesn't mean that it won't be an option at a later date either. Be honest and open with those around you. Talk to your partner about your insecurities and be firm about your personal boundaries.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose u need to monitor how swinging affects these insecurities which everyone will have. If u find certain meets activities etc make ur insecurities worse then don't do them.

Anything that makes u feel worse about yourself isn't worth doing. That isnt just sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you notice those nagging thoughts in your head, make sure you argue with them. When a thought pops in like "he would be much happier fucking someone else" counteract it with the argument that he has told you otherwise. The fact you notice these thoughts and identify how they make you feel is great. Just keep on arguing with them. Don't just accept them. Remember just because you have these thoughts, that doesn't mean they are true x

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By *andeCouple
over a year ago

Bognor area

Get yourself to a naturist club - all shapes and sizes just chilling out - helped me no end to just see other people as just that - people - some of the stereotypically attractive people really weren't attractive once they opened their mouths - it takes all sorts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meet somebody bigger than you so you don't feel as bad. That's what I would do, if it were me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

read maxwell maltz psycho-cybernetics.

It's a best selling self help book about body image.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi everyone,

Just looking for a little advice really xx

Just keep reminding yourself who he's going home with if he wanted to be with someone else he would be sex is sex but feelings in a relationship are much deeper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Watching with interest as I'm the same

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Sex and love aren't the same thing.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Lots of people have some sort of hang up or insecurity about some part of their body, I've found even the slimmest of ladies worry about something or another.

Your partner is the one who loves you, who you are most familiar with, and who you will always have the best sex with

Try not to let it bother you, buy lots of sexy underwear and clothes you look and feel great in.

I've found that since we started swinging my self confidence has improved no end.

And by the way, I'm not sure you have anything to worry about, you look hot to me

Bun

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By *ostafunMan
over a year ago

near ipswich

alot of women i have met have body image issues what they fail to relize the majority of guys much prefer a natural woman who is herself not some poster girl or silicone enhanced and im sure thats why your husband is with you.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"When you notice those nagging thoughts in your head, make sure you argue with them. When a thought pops in like "he would be much happier fucking someone else" counteract it with the argument that he has told you otherwise. The fact you notice these thoughts and identify how they make you feel is great. Just keep on arguing with them. Don't just accept them. Remember just because you have these thoughts, that doesn't mean they are true x"

Very well put!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi everyone,

Just looking for a little advice really xx

You look great and so does he. I would love to meet you both!

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

If anyone on here should have body issues it should be me.

On paper I am old and fat and have a terrible figure. Plus something else I could worry about. But I learned that men like the whole package and that includes attitude too.

So I accept my body and age for what they are and admit that I love sex. If a guy wants to meet me we have a coffee social first. Quite often they admit afterwards they got hard at the table.

So who am i to tell them they're wrong to find me sexually attractive? If they do they do and it's far better to accept it and just relax and enjoy yourself if you do meet for fun.

And most men have something they're hung up about too. So it's all really not worth bothering about

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

Great advice

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

"Hi everyone,

Just looking for a little advice really xx

Firstly the issue with insecurities are that generally they only come from the opinion of one person, yourself. Taking your own opinion of yourself is always a bad idea. Unless you are macheoveleon in nature.

Secondly it's possible that he will enjoy sex more than he ever has with you. Unlikely but possible. But no matter how mind blowing the orgasm in the end it's just an orgasm. It's not a basis for a long loving relationship.

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