FabSwingers.com forum: First snub

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Had my first snub from someone close last night.

My wife explained about me to some friends when I was at pride. I'd posted I was there on my male fb so they asked why.

She explained I was trans and bi and proud of who I am. She reassured them that she loved me for who I am and fully supports me and is proud of who I am too. My male friend was a bit confused by it, his wife said she was fine with it. She made a point of trying to help her hubby understand people like me.

My wife showed them a selection of pics and they were fine.

In the pub last night we were all chatting and Manchester came up. I asked if she'd been shown the pic of me posing with all the police and showed her.

She got really funny and snapped that it's not what she's in to. It's just me in a long skirt and top posing for a pic in a line of police. Male and female.

So much for friends. Now she has her answer as to why we had taken so long to tell them; for fear of a reaction like hers.

Feeling glum now. ??

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

I'm sure it's incredibly hurtful,just remember how your other friend's and family have reacted and take comfort in that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My wife is popping round to see her at some point. These are close friends. My wife's livid, saying she shouldn't pretend to be understanding if she's not and is going to react like that.

I feel a bit like she set me up to embarrass me in public. My wife said the body language between us was really obvious.

I understand not everyone is going to welcome who I am but she's had plenty of chance to say something to my wife, her friend, as they've discussed it several times now.

If I'd known she was going to react as repulsed I would have kept my gob shut.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Playing devils advocate here.

You're close friends you say, but for how long?

They may be feeling disappointed that their friendship is based on what they thought they knew about you, particularly as you said you were close.

You've thrown a new dynamic into the friendship by revealing this side of yourself.

From what you have said, they appear to be accepting of it.

However it is very new to them, they may not completely understand it, they may be smarting a little from what you have revealed, having not known it before, and struggling to deal with that.

It may be they don't want to judge you, and be accepting of that side of you, but don't particularly want it shoved under their nose or even discussed every time you meet them, which they may have felt you did when you met up and mentioned the picture you had?

My suggestion is have a little patience, and play that side of yourself a little low key.

You might be a little excited having shared this information with them, and they accepting it, and they might feel a little overwhelmed by it?

I'm not saying hide it, but it doesn't need to be a topic of discussion every time you meet (not saying that's what you would do, but they might think you will, as its early days of them knowing).

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By *tarbeckCouple
over a year ago

york

"My wife is popping round to see her at some point. These are close friends. My wife's livid, saying she shouldn't pretend to be understanding if she's not and is going to react like that.

I feel a bit like she set me up to embarrass me in public. My wife said the body language between us was really obvious.

I understand not everyone is going to welcome who I am but she's had plenty of chance to say something to my wife, her friend, as they've discussed it several times now.

If I'd known she was going to react as repulsed I would have kept my gob shut. "
Its her problem not yours , be proud of who you are as I'm sure your wife is, she doesn't sound like a real friend to me xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Playing devils advocate here.

You're close friends you say, but for how long?

They may be feeling disappointed that their friendship is based on what they thought they knew about you, particularly as you said you were close.

You've thrown a new dynamic into the friendship by revealing this side of yourself.

From what you have said, they appear to be accepting of it.

However it is very new to them, they may not completely understand it, they may be smarting a little from what you have revealed, having not known it before, and struggling to deal with that.

My suggestion is have a little patience, and play that side of yourself a little low key.

You might be a little excited having shared this information with them, and they accepting it, and they might feel a little overwhelmed by it?

I'm not saying hide it, but it doesn't need to be a topic of discussion every time you meet (not saying that's what you would do, but they might think you will, as its early days of them knowing).

Point taken but this was the first time I'd said anything at all.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think in this situation understanding needs to go both ways. She might be fine with it all as a theory but faced with concrete evidence felt confused and reacted without thinking.

It's a big adjustment for your friends give them a little leeway

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I can see different sides here but this has happened to me and all I felt was honoured that they trusted me to tell me and happy for them that they are living their true life.

There was no adjusting to do, they are the same person.

I know I'm being simplistic but how hard can it be to accept that a friend has another side to them? A non-threatening, non-criminal side even.

It's not going to affect them so why should they get upset?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big hugs xx

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

Oh hunny.....

Although you do realise she is just as likely to have been offended that you spent time in dirty Maaaaaaanchesteeeeer!

Loves us hun, don't let the buggers grind us down xx

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

"Oh hunny.....

Although you do realise she is just as likely to have been offended that you spent time in dirty Maaaaaaanchesteeeeer!

Loves us hun, don't let the buggers grind us down xx"

Us was supposed to say ya!! Dirty autocarrot

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

Sounds like one of those things where they say it's all fine, in private, or dinner party style " oh yes, I have lots of interesting gay/bi/ TV freinds"

Until it's presented as reality......

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I can see different sides here but this has happened to me and all I felt was honoured that they trusted me to tell me and happy for them that they are living their true life.

There was no adjusting to do, they are the same person.

I know I'm being simplistic but how hard can it be to accept that a friend has another side to them? A non-threatening, non-criminal side even.

It's not going to affect them so why should they get upset?"

I just think friends give each other a bit of space to get things a bit wrong sometimes and time to adjust to changing circumstances.

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I would probably be shocked if a close friend revealed that about themselves.

I would hope I'd be a little more tactful though

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By *rMrs_CCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

I had a friend, was my best friend since we were 6. Last year I told her I was having some major cosmetic work (due to large weight loss) and confided in our swinging life over drinks at a bbq.

Next day I got a message saying she doesn't agree with us swinging and my surgery. 27 years of friendship ended like that.

What did I do?.... Told her to do one and blocked her. I don't need fake friends like that I'm my life.... Jealousy... That's what that was!! Lol

Chin up, clear the negativity and show anyone who doesn't like it the finger!!!

Mrs C

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