FabSwingers.com forum: Letdowns

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Mrs S and I have played about a bit for about ten years or so. I think our profile is pleasant enough, and we are keen to meet a man (married or not) and get numerous emails from males interested in meeting us. It's clear that many of the messages we receive from men, that they haven't bothered to read our profile fully, and as such are not what we are looking for. Mrs S is fussy about whom she likes to meet, but when we do find what looks like a suitable man, we exchange messages, then make a phone call - but as soon as we start to talk about possible dates for a meet (normally social first) - they suddenly are "busy" and can't meet. It truly baffles me. Are these men armchair fantasists that like the idea but get cold feet when they realise it will become real ? Doubtless we will now receive tons more messages from men whom haven't read our profile and will tell us they are reliable and won't let us down, like they always do ! Are we doing something wrong, or is this normal ??

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By *unandnaughty01Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Your profile looks good to me but it's the same for a lot of people on here. Most people on this site are keyboard warriors and just enjoy the thrill of being rude stuck or use people for their own enjoyment.

Being a married man and on here discreetly it's hard for men especially single ones to get any kind of action or responses as its ruined by other people that don't listen don't read or are abusive to people. Not sure if this helps but just trying to give you some feedback. ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's probably your list of requirements that's putting them off to be honest. Basically you want a man, not fat, of a certain age, to be a free gigalo and perform for you like a circus animal. Sorry to be blunt but, no kissing, long stayed, repeater ect ...you don't want much do you.

They are real men, not free sex toys.

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By *omez42Man
over a year ago

gloucester

I must admit, it does appear to be a list. I know you're trying to be specific, but it does look a little daunting.

Asking for a social first is never a problem, couple that with the tight time schedule and the list of requirements, and the fact that most blokes, when they get an idea or fantasy in the head, want to get on with it right now, perhaps it's all a bit too much.

The fantasy in the head is probably better than the reality, especially if the reality gets long winded.

Unfortunately, one and a half of your requirements exclude me

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

They could just be here solely for sex and not interested in social meets

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mrs S and I have played about a bit for about ten years or so. I think our profile is pleasant enough, and we are keen to meet a man (married or not) and get numerous emails from males interested in meeting us. It's clear that many of the messages we receive from men, that they haven't bothered to read our profile fully, and as such are not what we are looking for. Mrs S is fussy about whom she likes to meet, but when we do find what looks like a suitable man, we exchange messages, then make a phone call - but as soon as we start to talk about possible dates for a meet (normally social first) - they suddenly are "busy" and can't meet. It truly baffles me. Are these men armchair fantasists that like the idea but get cold feet when they realise it will become real ? Doubtless we will now receive tons more messages from men whom haven't read our profile and will tell us they are reliable and won't let us down, like they always do ! Are we doing something wrong, or is this normal ??

Gorgeous pics but profile is a bit tedious. No kissing, certain get limit ,few times a year, got to send a face pic but u don't have one. Can't be bothered mate. Make it more appropriate for genuine guys to want to make an effort.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our main gripe with your profile is that you aren't meet verified after a while on the site - to be honest that would make us feel that with your profile you aren't necessarily someone that actually meets.

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By *ngeluk69Woman
over a year ago

Near enough

Reading your profile OP it sounds more like a job vacancy and an interview process. Obviously I'm not a guy but even if I was, I wouldn't be willing to jump through the many hoops, and I only briefly skimmed over your profile text. Your current status just reads as a moan.

We all get unwanted attention, it's how you deal with it and find what you're looking for that counts.

Why not do the searching yourselves or go to a club and enjoy a social evening out with the possibility of play if you enjoy the company of someone there

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By *asyukMan
over a year ago

West London

They probably are actually overweight and not hugely attractive.

Most middle aged men are

Was that a bit of a generalisation?

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By *unnynbugsCouple
over a year ago

Neath

Yup. Off putting as hell. I'm not a single male but I'd I was I wouldn't look twice at that profile (even if I met the "requirements"). Too picky high maintenance. Swinning is supposed to be a fun thing not feeling like a piece of meat that gets trotted out when you feel the itch...

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By *oxycouple28Couple
over a year ago

bexley

Bucking the trend of posts on here a bit. We put up a list (albeit a short one) of what we are looking for and that helped us and we got some good meets. Although admittedly we haven't read your profile.

There are normally plenty of men on here and you can often find obe who ticks the boxes. You just have to be straight and to the point with them. We usually said it we would have a social with the possibility of play if we all got on, then invited them to ours...

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By *at69driveMan
over a year ago

Hertford

"
Your profile is well written and clearly specifies your requirements . Hopefully you will find some suitable candidates shortly .

I would make an early phone call a priority in order to out the dreamers . Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's probably your list of requirements that's putting them off to be honest. Basically you want a man, not fat, of a certain age, to be a free gigalo and perform for you like a circus animal. Sorry to be blunt but, no kissing, long stayed, repeater ect ...you don't want much do you.

They are real men, not free sex toys."

I agree as a single male that has met couples in the past I don't like it if I can't kiss and hate the pushy guy that just wants you to fuck his wife/gf. Some of us just don't like being forced to perform. If I meet I want to be able to enjoy it and give a quality meet. I understand rules but some just go too far to make it enjoyable for all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Control freak alert......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If no kissing is one of your boudairies then that's fair enough, you don't have to change anything for anyone perhaps your profile could be more welcoming and say the same things.

Try and remember it must be daunting for a single guy to enter your world.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks all for the constructive comments. If those viewing our profile don't like it, then I wish they would simply not contact us at all - rather than contact us, arrange to meet and then make excuses. That's the part I don't understand !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It could possibly be because a fair amount of the 'single' men you seek are not, in fact, single and are therefore unavailable daytime weekends!

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"Thanks all for the constructive comments. If those viewing our profile don't like it, then I wish they would simply not contact us at all - rather than contact us, arrange to meet and then make excuses. That's the part I don't understand !"

You didn't ask for a profile critique so you shouldn't have got any!

If you are already chatting to potential meets they have got through your profile requirements. As for backing off? Who knows. Attached, fantasists, liars, frightened, it's a mystery.

Do you keep your chats factual or are you chatting fantasies and sex?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We rarely get messed about. We've met some super guys over the past year and a half, most of which we meet from time to time. However, I don't think any of them would tolerate a no kissing rule. I suspect any well presented man in good shape who is happy to have phonecalls and socials, would find 'no kissing' sex of no benefit to him. The type of guy you are looking for will have a certain amount of choice in sex partners, so is unlikely to choose someone who doesn't allow kissing. As a result, I think you may be left with the dreamers and men who are unsuitable.

I have however played with men in clubs, where I haven't kissed them, and haven't wanted to. I find clubs are better for the more anonymous sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They probably are actually overweight and not hugely attractive.

Most middle aged men are

Was that a bit of a generalisation?

"
oi we all pretty to someone pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OK I read the profile all of it.

I may meet all of the criteria but maybe one at a push.

The kissing thing not a problem although I do like it!

The can't accommodate thing would be a problem.

The can't travel would be a problem. I'd have to get a hotel.

The time of your meets would be a problem. I'd need to book time of work.

So if I get through and picked and we stared chatting.

Then I booked time of work and a hotel.

You can bet I'd want to bloody kiss her!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To he honest. It sounds like an interview. As for the no kissing... I would never consider meeting someone who said that. Kissing is one of my favourite things to do.

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By *animal73Man
over a year ago

Ashbourne

Well said!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not a man, but requesting a phone number would put me off. There are apps available that don't require going personal information to strangers.

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By *ougar_n_TILFCouple
over a year ago

Burton on Trent

Can't see many men who are serious about meeting, enjoy this lifestyle and meet all your other criteria, being willing to part with a face pic and phone number on the offchance that you might be in touch on one of 4 weekends a year you actually do something, for perhaps 2 hours of social and an hour of cold emotionless kissing-free sex.

The good men on this site have options they don't have to jump through hoops for.

Yes there are an awful lot of fantasist, but think your expectations also need examining.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"Can't see many men who are serious about meeting, enjoy this lifestyle and meet all your other criteria, being willing to part with a face pic and phone number on the offchance that you might be in touch on one of 4 weekends a year you actually do something, for perhaps 2 hours of social and an hour of cold emotionless kissing-free sex.

The good men on this site have options they don't have to jump through hoops for.

Yes there are an awful lot of fantasist, but think your expectations also need examining. "

They are talking about the men they are already communicating with. If the men didn't want to meet, why start chatting with them? Their question was why, after chatting, do the men get cold feet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The good men on this site have options they don't have to jump through hoops for.

Yes there are an awful lot of fantasist, but think your expectations also need examining.

They are talking about the men they are already communicating with. If the men didn't want to meet, why start chatting with them? Their question was why, after chatting, do the men get cold feet?"

Because the men they are chatting to are probably all dreamers. They seem to be struggling to get the interest of men who are genuine and willing to meet.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The good men on this site have options they don't have to jump through hoops for.

Yes there are an awful lot of fantasist, but think your expectations also need examining. "

Thanks for your interesting, if slighty condescending post.

Your assumptions and claims about us are inaccurate, so I will treat them with the contempt they deserve. I'm glad that some people gain enjoyment from meets even though they have little/no standards and will have any bloke at any time. I wouldn't criticise such people. Perhaps you should learn about having some respect for others too.

Thanks for your comments anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The good men on this site have options they don't have to jump through hoops for.

Yes there are an awful lot of fantasist, but think your expectations also need examining.

Thanks for your interesting, if slighty condescending post.

Thanks for your comments anyway. "

It's par for the course that you get a variety of opinions and styles of response on here. Stay chilled.

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By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

Have to agree with previous posts..no verified meet in 6 months..as a single man then that isn't a encouraging thought. You may be really cool etc but obviously I'd be saying how comes you haven't met anyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The good men on this site have options they don't have to jump through hoops for.

Yes there are an awful lot of fantasist, but think your expectations also need examining.

Thanks for your interesting, if slighty condescending post.

Thanks for your comments anyway. "

The good men on this site have options they don't have to jump through hoops for.

Yes there are an awful lot of fantasist, but think your expectations also need examining.

Thanks for your interesting, if slighty condescending post.

Thanks for your comments anyway. "

Wilderness Couple were not being disrespectful. They were using the information you provided to the forum to analyse what may be going wrong for you guys, and how the quality single men will likely interpret your requirements. Wilderness Couple made an observation that you required a phone number and face pic followed by a social. These were not inaccurate assumptions - you clearly state on your profile that your need a face pic, phone call and social. It was also not inaccurate to say that you have a no kissing rule because you state this on your profile. All the other assumptions that Wilderness Couple made were not about you. Their assumptions were about how the single men will interpret your requirements. Their comments about 'cold emotionless sex' is not an assumption about you, but an assumption about how most people regard sex where kissing is not allowed. You have every right to disagree. They were expressing a view on why the decent men on Fab (and there are plenty of decent men) have not crossed your path, leaving you with the dreamers and time wasters. Their view may not be right, but they certainly did not say anything about you that was incorrect, according to what you state in your profile. They have advised you to rethink your expectations. Again it's your choice whether you take their advise, and consider the other similar comments from the contributors to this thread, or whether you carry on as you are. But you did ask the forum why you are being messed about so much, and this is what people think.

With regards to your comments about people enjoying meets who have 'little or no standards' and will have 'any bloke at any time', there has been no contributer to this thread who has implied they conduct themselves in this way, and nobody has suggested you drop your standards in how you choose men.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/09/16 13:39:14]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for your comments. Have a nice day.

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By *ingdong11Man
over a year ago

emsworth

"Thanks for your comments. Have a nice day."

Oh dear , someone's tired

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, I can see how your profile could be off putting to single males. As already said on this thread, many men actually enjoy the kissing and build up during a meet. It does come across that you are actually after a 'dick on stick'. I would be asking the question 'so how exactly are you going to turn me on'...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't you have to be 18 to be on this site. Looking for age 17-45?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP was commenting on people who had responded to their profile and disappeared, after conversation not who would be put off by the profile.

As a gentle suggestion rather than blaming the so called fantasists and changing the profile possibly OP could consider changing the consistent factors in the situation as examples changing the criteria they use to pick the people they talk to or change the way they respond to people.

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By *unnynbugsCouple
over a year ago

Neath

"OP was commenting on people who had responded to their profile and disappeared, after conversation not who would be put off by the profile.

I've found their responses in here to be brash and cold. Perhaps their messages to people who do interest them put them off. That's a variable we haven't been able to gauge or judge but they do seem to be rather defensive.

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By *layfulserfMan
over a year ago

Northolt

It is probably that the people you turn down are honest, with real photo's ages and descriptions... whereas the people who meet your criteria are nothing like they portray, but have had a good wank at your expense

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By *ad girl2Couple
over a year ago

ashford kent

we have the same thing say they want to meet give them the time and the place and no one turns up

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP, I can see how your profile could be off putting to single males. As already said on this thread, many men actually enjoy the kissing and build up during a meet. It does come across that you are actually after a 'dick on stick'. I would be asking the question 'so how exactly are you going to turn me on'..."

Perhaps you have missed the point. We were not asking for comments on the actual profile at all. Simply wondering why men , that were presumably agreeable and attracted by the profile, were happy to make contact but then suddenly declined a real meet. Hope that clarifies and thanks for your comments and unrequested profile critique. xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP was commenting on people who had responded to their profile and disappeared, after conversation not who would be put off by the profile.

We apologise unreservedly if any of our responses appeared brash, cold and/or defensive. Thanks for your comments.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"we have the same thing say they want to meet give them the time and the place and no one turns up "

Sorry to hear that - but also pleased to know that it isn't only us that get let down !

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Have to agree with previous posts..no verified meet in 6 months..as a single man then that isn't a encouraging thought. You may be really cool etc but obviously I'd be saying how comes you haven't met anyone

Did you read the original post ? It explains why we have had any meet and is the whole point of this thread. Hope this helps, and thanks for your comments.

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By *ockster69Man
over a year ago

Leven

I was gonna read your profile having read all of the comments, only to find you've hidden it!!???? Needless to say I won't try twice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's true you didn't ask for a profile critique. You did however ask if you were doing something wrong, and it's hard to answer that question without commenting on your profile. There is no answer as to why timewasters exist, so the trick is to avoid them, and encourage the 'real' guys who do meet. But if the guys you are chatting to are real, but just changing their minds, then you must be doing something in the chatting process that's turning them off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe you have a really annoying phone voice that puts them off. Cut that bit out of the process see if it works

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I was gonna read your profile having read all of the comments, only to find you've hidden it!!???? Needless to say I won't try twice."

We are truly gutted. Have a great day !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We rarely get messed about. We've met some super guys over the past year and a half, most of which we meet from time to time. However, I don't think any of them would tolerate a no kissing rule. I suspect any well presented man in good shape who is happy to have phonecalls and socials, would find 'no kissing' sex of no benefit to him. The type of guy you are looking for will have a certain amount of choice in sex partners, so is unlikely to choose someone who doesn't allow kissing. As a result, I think you may be left with the dreamers and men who are unsuitable.

I have however played with men in clubs, where I haven't kissed them, and haven't wanted to. I find clubs are better for the more anonymous sex."
I don't kiss and even as a couple that's not been an issue.. so dont think its that

Ive found since fab hit the tabloids over the last year that there are loads of fantasists and they talk the talk but when you offer a meet.. leg it. So mostly just meet at clubs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

However it appears to us, from what you've said, that the men you are attracting and who may appear to be what you want initially turn out to be timewasters. It seems you are not attracting genuine men, and there are a lot of genuine men on here.

We know you were not asking for your profile to be critiqued, but maybe that is where the problem lies, as it is obviously attracting the guys who don't meet, rather than the genuine ones who do,

Otherwise it must be your selection process, we have found that the really great looking and sounding guys are mostly fake, not all but mostly! If someone looks too good to be true, he probably is, maybe you are not being realistic or seeing through the fakes?

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By *ockster69Man
over a year ago

Leven

[Removed by poster at 18/09/16 23:06:22]

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By *ockster69Man
over a year ago

Leven

"I was gonna read your profile having read all of the comments, only to find you've hidden it!!???? Needless to say I won't try twice.

We are truly gutted. Have a great day !"

After you're reply I thought I'd look again. As you can't travel or accommodate perhaps it's best you stay home and fuck yourselves.

If you ask for an opinion or advice don't be arseholes when it's offered.

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Letdowns - Puzzled