FabSwingers.com forum: New couple, advice please!!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi all.

We are new to the scene, my idea (male half). I would like to know about experiences with swinging, I have a fantasy of seeing my wife being fucked by another man, while this fantasy turns us both on ( hence being on here) I am having difficulty with my emotions. It's not when it happens that I worry about, it's the aftermath. We have talked about it and had a meet arranged off here but the guest dropped out last minute (shocker). I know that she is ready when I am so I would like to know people's worst experience and best experience. Also what can be done to reduce the risk of an emotional back lash?

Any help would be great.

Key X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all.

Any help would be great.

Key X "

It sounds like the fantasy should remain a fantasy for you both.

There are many factors why and you already nailed it: Emotional backlash, which is very common. What plays out in your minds may not play that way in reality.

If you do decide to play with another man then let it be a 110% mutual decision. If you fully agree and you change your mind then speak out.

Swinging is based on trust. Trusting yourself, trusting each other and trusting your feelings. The moment you get that flutter of brief insecurity then you have to say no and step back and discuss the faults in the scenario.

I hope it maps out for you both whichever way you decide to play it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We didn't know how we would feel about it from either side ( it was my idea -fem) but we decided to give it a go and if we or one of us didn't like it not do it again.

That is all you can do.. suck it and see, so to speak

if you don't like it or it upsets you then stop and don't do it again.

But here we are 6 years later enjoying it still so we keep going

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was always very worried about seeing hubby with another woman i didnt know how i would feel. But i decided that the only way of finding out was to just get on with it. So we organised an ffm and it was fine all 3 of us gave each other the same amount of attention and i was to busy enjoying the experience to start worrying.

Just talk to each other and stay open! To be honest you wont know how you feel untill your in the situation. You could start with maybe a soft play with a guy and see how you feel with that and just progress. Or if your really not sure or comfortable with the idea just keep it as a fantasy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks. B14

We have been open about it, and I know she couldn't do it the other way round. It's me that gets carried away.

When we talk about it We start of with just the guest watchin_ and slowly by the end of the conversation I have dropped all boundaries and start talking like its a free for all!! This is where it concerns me, what would happen in the heat of the moment. It has been my idea from the start, we love each other more than anything and we both have the same concerns about each other liking it or not.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We didn't know how we would feel about it from either side ( it was my idea -fem) but we decided to give it a go and if we or one of us didn't like it not do it again.

That is all you can do.. suck it and see, so to speak

if you don't like it or it upsets you then stop and don't do it again.

But here we are 6 years later enjoying it still so we keep going

I was hoping that the meet we had arranged would wet my appetite, so to speak. At the time with all the anticipation I just wanted to get it over and done with, but it was such an emotional crash even when we were let down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks. B14

We have been open about it, and I know she couldn't do it the other way round. It's me that gets carried away.

We have had a heat of the moment situation when we first started.

I will be honest it hurt at the time. But me and mr talked it through and as he was in the wrong. We then reset some boundaries and have been fine every since.

Boundaries are there for everyones happiness. If its your first play with a guy stick with the rules you have set and make sure the guy is well aware that nothing more will happen. Even in the heat of the moment even if it feels right stick to your boundaries otherwise you could end up getting hurt. Just push them each time if you think you are ready

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks. B14

We have been open about it, and I know she couldn't do it the other way round. It's me that gets carried away.

We have had a heat of the moment situation when we first started.

I will be honest it hurt at the time. But me and mr talked it through and as he was in the wrong. We then reset some boundaries and have been fine every since.

Thanks.

That sounds like sound advice. We have talked about going to a club first, thinking that there would be less pressure to play and could leave if one of us felt uncomfortable. But then if we do play at a club I feel it would be harder to keep the boundaries under control.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with above. We fantasied about it for years and finally tried it last year. We have had many ups and downs. Really loved the first 3 or 4. And I always joined in which was better for me. She fantasied about a fake affair and mf. And we rushed in and it caused lots of problems. Plus I don't think we discussed it properly. We had a regular and the mmf sex was unbelievable but I allowed mf meets and I wasn't strong enough to deal with it. We also had an mfmf. But again we wernt honest enough with each other and it was a problem for her. We stopped for a while talked about it all and realised what we both wanted and how to deal with it. We then started again and it's been great. We now discuss n plan the fantasy scenario before hand and the afterwards. Instead of both worrying about upsetting each other then not talking before or after. She has 121s if I've met them and the phone calls during her meets are a massive mental mind rush. The sex after also. We have been to a party and I've played but not full sex. She also as a regular fb. Who we share for mmf and mf. We've had night away together which was good and she's had 121 and (our sex after was amazing) I'm allowing her to spend the night with him, Saturday alone. Nervous naturally but excited. It's Mrs spices fantasy of a fake affair then coming home tail between legs. Can't wait for Sunday if she's not too sore. Kids are out and I'll be waiting for her to finish the fantasy. But please please please talk n talk n be honest if u r going to do this. It can be very dangerous. But it can be unbelievably fulfilling. Message if u need to chat. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've never tried a club but will give a go maybe soon. My advice would be to meet for a social first. Most genuine guys will do that. It's easier then u both feel comfy there's no pressure. All our socials have been good. I've found most blokes great n our fb is a mate now. If they can't put the effort of a social they will not be worth it trust me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I agree with above. We fantasied about it for years and finally tried it last year. We have had many ups and downs. Really loved the first 3 or 4. And I always joined in which was better for me. She fantasied about a fake affair and mf. And we rushed in and it caused lots of problems. Plus I don't think we discussed it properly. We had a regular and the mmf sex was unbelievable but I allowed mf meets and I wasn't strong enough to deal with it. We also had an mfmf. But again we wernt honest enough with each other and it was a problem for her. We stopped for a while talked about it all and realised what we both wanted and how to deal with it. We then started again and it's been great. We now discuss n plan the fantasy scenario before hand and the afterwards. Instead of both worrying about upsetting each other then not talking before or after. She has 121s if I've met them and the phone calls during her meets are a massive mental mind rush. The sex after also. We have been to a party and I've played but not full sex. She also as a regular fb. Who we share for mmf and mf. We've had night away together which was good and she's had 121 and (our sex after was amazing) I'm allowing her to spend the night with him, Saturday alone. Nervous naturally but excited. It's Mrs spices fantasy of a fake affair then coming home tail between legs. Can't wait for Sunday if she's not too sore. Kids are out and I'll be waiting for her to finish the fantasy. But please please please talk n talk n be honest if u r going to do this. It can be very dangerous. But it can be unbelievably fulfilling. Message if u need to chat. Good luck"

Thanks.

I want us to both have the experience together. And after reading some other forum posts, what I don't want is for emotions to get in the way on both sides. We are strong enough to get through the down side of this as we are open and understand each other. She has always said that I am enough for her and I know that. I know she is emotionally stable going into this. It's my hang ups I need to resolve.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We've never tried a club but will give a go maybe soon. My advice would be to meet for a social first. Most genuine guys will do that. It's easier then u both feel comfy there's no pressure. All our socials have been good. I've found most blokes great n our fb is a mate now. If they can't put the effort of a social they will not be worth it trust me"

I think she wants the return visitor and so on. Where I think I would prefer minimal chat and one offs. Which is where I suppose a club for me would be better for my state of mind. (Less chance of her getting emotionally involved)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes can understand that. I pushed for it but it was me who struggled most with emotions for a while. We are a very strong couple very much in love after 20yrs. If you can handle sexually it's very exciting. Needs to always be on your terms n u have to be in control

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By *rs DCouple
over a year ago

far

Go to a club agree how far u will go.like very soft play at first for a good few times.allways have a safe word and try very small steps.never go past now far u both agreed to even in the heat of things. Talk after you have been to the club like in the morning not when you have both had a drink.just take ur time make sure its what you both want and are not just lost following each other. Also try talking about it after you both had sex and have cum xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Go to a club agree how far u will go.like very soft play at first for a good few times.allways have a safe word and try very small steps.never go past now far u both agreed to even in the heat of things. Talk after you have been to the club like in the morning not when you have both had a drink.just take ur time make sure its what you both want and are not just lost following each other. Also try talking about it after you both had sex and have cum xx"

Well we have been talking about it for a good few weeks. And it has done wonders for our sex life ( not that it was boring before)

I also think that I build it up to much in my head. There has been some good advice so far. We will be talking more later to work out if we want to move forward on here or go to a club. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think aside from the emotions that you will both feel, you should choose your man wisely! He should understand that it will be your first time and that should either of you wish to stop, that's what he does. Not try to push you further than you want to go. And that might mean he walks out the door not having done anything at all.

As others have suggested, keep talking to each other, before during and after. However far you decide to go, communicating is vital, both the good and the bad. Reassure your partner that, that is what you want to happen, as it happens, if it happens. You honestly won't know how you will feel after. Until after. If you were jealous or either of you never want it to happen again, say so. Don't clam up, keep talking, how you felt, how you are feeling, both of you. Emotions are funny things and we are never quite sure which way they will go. Good luck, op.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think aside from the emotions that you will both feel, you should choose your man wisely! He should understand that it will be your first time and that should either of you wish to stop, that's what he does. Not try to push you further than you want to go. And that might mean he walks out the door not having done anything at all.

Thanks we are open about this and like you say we won't know until it happens. If we look for someone on here Are verifications good to go by?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

good thread. I'm trying to figure out how to discuss with my wife the idea of swinging. all very insightful. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"good thread. I'm trying to figure out how to discuss with my wife the idea of swinging. all very insightful. x"

I told her a good while ago when I first thought about it. I then left it about a month and couldn't get it out of my head so I told her and she was quite shocked that I wanted something like this. Then we were sending each other dirty texts and I introduced another man into our fantasy and from there is got easier to talk about it.

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By *orders2forUCouple
over a year ago

Hawick

Veris are VERY important and so is looking further into them as in who played with who. Little things to look at. they claim to be straight but play with other single guys or bi couples and so on.

If it works out it can be truly amazing. We have just had out best meet ever which went from a one evening four hour arrangement to a four day stay and a three night play....

As said over and over and here it is again. Decide boundaries for the event and stick to them. Then review and either move on or back off.

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By * and sCouple
over a year ago

warrington

We are really new to the whole thing and had talked about it loads before hand Also thinking it was both of our fantasy.

Instead of arranging a private meet we went to a club watched what was going on then made out move. We are now regular visitors to a club and are trying and experiencing new things every time.

My best advise would be make sure your emotionally strong as a couple and can detach your self from what is sex and what is your relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My partner dumped me. He couldn't handle me fucking other women, let alone other men. Really think hard and talk to each other before you risk your relationship for some fantasy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You both need to be on same page of the book but at the end of the day it's only sex totally different to what you have and share as a couple and go home with each other at end of the night and we have even better play time but think hard and long before going ahead

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Hi all.

Any help would be great.

Key X "

if you have the slightest doubt don't do it, you can't take back what's done.

other people's experiences are no use to you because your experience wont be the same.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We are really new to the whole thing and had talked about it loads before hand Also thinking it was both of our fantasy.

Instead of arranging a private meet we went to a club watched what was going on then made out move. We are now regular visitors to a club and are trying and experiencing new things every time.

My best advise would be make sure your emotionally strong as a couple and can detach your self from what is sex and what is your relationship

Thanks for the info. I think we are leaning more towards a club, and there are a few within reach from where we are. What was your first club experience like?

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By * and sCouple
over a year ago

warrington

"We are really new to the whole thing and had talked about it loads before hand Also thinking it was both of our fantasy.

Instead of arranging a private meet we went to a club watched what was going on then made out move. We are now regular visitors to a club and are trying and experiencing new things every time.

My best advise would be make sure your emotionally strong as a couple and can detach your self from what is sex and what is your relationship

Thanks for the info. I think we are leaning more towards a club, and there are a few within reach from where we are. What was your first club experience like? "

The 1st time was really relaxed we have become regulars at a club on the wirral (townhouse) everyone was so friendly the owners showed us around and we used it as a social experience as you can stay dressed in the social areas.

We eventually ventured upstairs into the dress down areas and just played together and now we go back and have started playing more and more with others.

Look at club reviews near you see what people are saying

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

"Hi all.

Any help would be great.

Key X "

We would suggest a visit a club, you could invite someone for softplay, then have a break and talk to each other about how you felt.

If you were both ok with that then think about a full swap foursome where you swap partners with another couple but you are all in the same room so you can see each other enjoying yourselves with a different partner.

That way the emotions of seeing your wife being fucked are not as high as you are also enjoying the experience of fucking another woman.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

She is not in that place yet, she won't even contemplate me and another woman. Maybe one day but one step at a time.

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By * and sCouple
over a year ago

warrington

"She is not in that place yet, she won't even contemplate me and another woman. Maybe one day but one step at a time. "

From what you have said I think look for a social event at a club she will no from that as a women though I don't think she is ready for this.i wanted to try it but was nervous but had no doubt about going x

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By *lwaysup4it69Couple
over a year ago

Kirkby in Ashfield

I guess we are lucky really, from the start we agreed if it was going to work there would be no boundaries. We decided if either of us wanted to do something on a meet, they can do it. We both get off on seeing each other with other people. For us swinging is something we don't do often and when we do, we make the most of it. The sex after a meet is amazing, usually we can't keep our hands off each other for days. Go with the flow, no boundaries swinging works for us, but it will not work for everyone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"She is not in that place yet, she won't even contemplate me and another woman. Maybe one day but one step at a time.

She is not ready for a full swap for example, but she is more than will for another man to join us (again this started as my fantasy, to see her with another man) so although we talk about other couples for example, she is still adamant that she couldn't see me with another woman. But that's not why we are here, I enjoy her being pleased and I know that having two men would give her great pleasure. What I don't want is a cold night where we are to busy thinking about each other's feelings to enjoy it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you will both be OK either in a private meet or club. U seem to know what you want and it's similar to me. You have boundaries and rules. Mmf hotwifing. I always join in. Sometimes I initiate by undressing Mrs spice n kissing n playing with her. Then the other guy joins in. Sometimes after chatting and drinking I've gone to the toilet then they've started when I get bk. If it's not a club make sure u both chat with the guy on kik or something. And that can be a big turn on the chat between the Mrs n the guy. Make sure you swap pics. Talk before talk after and enjoy it. I think you will both love it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think maybe what works for 1 couple doesn't necessarily work for another. We all have different experiences and ideas. You have to make sure you get out of it what you want.

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

"She is not in that place yet, she won't even contemplate me and another woman. Maybe one day but one step at a time. "

It sounds as if neither of you are really ready for swinging.

It is not for all no matter how much you may dream about it stark reality is different and once another man has fucked her you cannot undo that.

We would suggest you forget about full swing and if you really want to experiment then simply stick to socials and soft swing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you guys are enjoying the the thought of it all , and this has given you both a buzz .

That's great , but when it comes to the actual reality it could go tits up as you've spent so long fantasising , so be careful .

The male half wants one offs , the female more long term . So be wary of your feelings regarding this . We ensure that there's only ever male to male contact via phone or female to female . Never men contacting my wife or women contacting me . Done this since day one .

Best advice at the moment is to turn the fantasy into reality with an open mind . Don't spend too much time procrastining now .... Or you'll never know .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"She is not in that place yet, she won't even contemplate me and another woman. Maybe one day but one step at a time.

It sounds as if neither of you are really ready for swinging.

It is not for all no matter how much you may dream about it stark reality is different and once another man has fucked her you cannot undo that.

We would suggest you forget about full swing and if you really want to experiment then simply stick to socials and soft swing."

This is about a shared experience. And I am ready for the other side of it and I know she is ready. I am not saying it will be all plain sailing but I know we are strong enough as a couple. But I suppose only we know if we are ready or not.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sounds like you guys are enjoying the the thought of it all , and this has given you both a buzz .

That's great , but when it comes to the actual reality it could go tits up as you've spent so long fantasising , so be careful .

Best advice at the moment is to turn the fantasy into reality with an open mind . Don't spend too much time procrastining now .... Or you'll never know ."

Thanks. I have let her message, men seeing as she is the one who will be getting it from them. And you are probably right in the men messaging men rule, it's it now finding the time to get it organised.

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

I would suggest a social with a guy first, if even just a coffee. It will allow you both to get to know him a bit better and at least you both can then go home a discuss whether you both would be comfortable taking it further with him. It might make it more real for you both.

Also agree boundaries before hand between you both and then with your preferred meet, that way you shouldn't have to worry about what will or won't happen on the night.

Hope it all works out for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife did not want to see me with another woman when we first got started. We started with MMFs and then after about six months, when she was comfortable, I had sex with another woman while my wife watched, which she enjoyed doing! We both enjoy the freedom to play with whoever we want to now. It takes time and patience and understanding! Don't push each other and only push your boundaries when you both feel you've out-grown them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My wife did not want to see me with another woman when we first got started. We started with MMFs and then after about six months, when she was comfortable, I had sex with another woman while my wife watched, which she enjoyed doing! We both enjoy the freedom to play with whoever we want to now. It takes time and patience and understanding! Don't push each other and only push your boundaries when you both feel you've out-grown them."

Sounds like you have found your soulmate. Maybe one day, we might try with a couple but we haven't even had our first meet yet. So one step at a time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very new to this - bit of an explanation below...

I randomly decided to ask other half what see toys I should buy , he asked if I really wanted to know his 'thing' I said yes. He said threesomes (i auto assumed ffm) but then he said mmf.

I told him I'd think about it (he's done it before I haven't) and then we laid our rules out..... Would be happy to try it but only mmf (I'd get jealous seeing another woman touching him ), only message on here (so he can see everything) and only one off meets . He also likes me to have one to one meets and ring him while it's happening /film

Going well so far - had one club meet (three some ) and one 1-1najdbhave a threesome planned for tomorrow .

We are completely open with each other and say if anything makes us uncomfortable

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