FabSwingers.com forum: how do i ask

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

iv been in a relationship for 45 years and am very happy , the thing is im bi and love to cross dress , my gf knows this and we enjoy nights when we both get dressed up ... the thing is i would love to have another bi guy or even another cd with us for some fun ... my gf says that she wont share ... but my craving for bi fun just wont go away and i would love to know if anyone else has been in this position and how they resolved it ..... just how can i ask my gf to have another guy in bed with us without creating a disaster ??

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

not 45 years 4-5 lol

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"iv been in a relationship for 45 years and am very happy , the thing is im bi and love to cross dress , my gf knows this and we enjoy nights when we both get dressed up ... the thing is i would love to have another bi guy or even another cd with us for some fun ... my gf says that she wont share ... but my craving for bi fun just wont go away and i would love to know if anyone else has been in this position and how they resolved it ..... just how can i ask my gf to have another guy in bed with us without creating a disaster ??"

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise."

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she's saying no, I guess there's not much else you can do without jeopardising your relationship.

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. "

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. "
it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/08/16 21:16:55]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi..."

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more!

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! "
what live by someone elses rules for the rest of your life..err no...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! "

I'd want to be myself more than be with someone. It's a difficult position to be in but if there's one thing I've learned in the last 5 years it's to be true to myself before other people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! what live by someone elses rules for the rest of your life..err no..."

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By *exycouplesswingCouple
over a year ago

Tunbridge Wells

This bi guy you want to invite into your bedroom... Would he be having sex with her too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more!

I'd want to be myself more than be with someone. It's a difficult position to be in but if there's one thing I've learned in the last 5 years it's to be true to myself before other people"

That's a good way to be, so out of interest what are your plans if she's dead set on this and won't change her mind?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

thanks guys , for all the advice , maybe its just time is the issue , yes she did say she would never share but that was about 3 years ago , was just wondering how i should approch the subject again .... maybe next time when i dress up for her ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more!

I'd want to be myself more than be with someone. It's a difficult position to be in but if there's one thing I've learned in the last 5 years it's to be true to myself before other people

That's a good way to be, so out of interest what are your plans if she's dead set on this and won't change her mind?"

If it were me I would consider myself unfulfilled in my current relationship and therefore end it. How else would I find true happiness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"thanks guys , for all the advice , maybe its just time is the issue , yes she did say she would never share but that was about 3 years ago , was just wondering how i should approch the subject again .... maybe next time when i dress up for her ??

OP you know better than us when your gf would be open to have a conversation, but yes it may be when you next dress. I wish you the best of luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

of corse if she wanted to have sex with him also that would be all part of the fun

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! what live by someone elses rules for the rest of your life..err no...

Not quite what I ment, if this is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with then is it worth throwing that away to fill a desire? Don't get me wrong hopefully he can get the best of both worlds and be happy but if she's dead set on no then he has a choice to make! "
you cant choose to be bisexual...you can choose to be bi playful..bisexuality is bisexuality..like being gay or trans..its not something you can switch on or off..sure you can suppress it..live a lie..but much better to not..life is too short not to feel alive..love should set you free not oppress you..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you need to talk when you're not dressed. Explain your need but make it clear how important she is to you.

Are you able to forgo your desire if following it would mean losing her?

Perhaps she could allow you to visit saunas. You really need her permission otherwise you'll need to live with a lot of guilt.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

would only be interested if my gf was involved rachel ... if its still a no then so be it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! what live by someone elses rules for the rest of your life..err no...

Not quite what I ment, if this is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with then is it worth throwing that away to fill a desire? Don't get me wrong hopefully he can get the best of both worlds and be happy but if she's dead set on no then he has a choice to make! you cant choose to be bisexual...you can choose to be bi playful..bisexuality is bisexuality..like being gay or trans..its not something you can switch on or off..sure you can suppress it..live a lie..but much better to not..life is too short not to feel alive..love should set you free not oppress you.."

Hmm I'm not sure if you've misunderstood what I meant, or if I've misunderstood you. The choice he has to make isn't about bisexuality, I agree that's not something you can change. The choice is does he stay with his partner or does he fill his desire? Most relationships come with their t's and c's and if this is a deal breaker then it's a question of what makes him happier. I agree life is too short to be forced to live it a certain way to please someone else but if filling one desire means you are ultimately sadder in the long run is it really worth it? Although obviously this may not be the case. I would be interested to know how this turns out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"would only be interested if my gf was involved rachel ... if its still a no then so be it "

Maybe an idea would be taking it in small steps and build up to it, such as going to a club first and just talking with people. Then maybe after some time she'd end up being as keen as you?!

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London

I've never understood these "i don't know how to talk to my gf/bf" posts on here.

If you're asking for relationship communication advice on this site then you and your gf got issues to resolve

Sorry to be blunt.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

totaly get where your comming from poppa , but clubs , well we have never been to one and deffo not my gfs thing , shes very shy and dosent mix well with other people , let alone other nakid ones lol

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I don't envy you OP, this is a situation that could go horribly wrong or end up fantastic.

A vanilla friend of mine loved his GF but wants to explore his bi side and is just as confused.

Was it clear you wanted to be 'shared' with a man and not another woman?

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I don't envy you OP, this is a situation that could go horribly wrong or end up fantastic.

A vanilla friend of mine loved his GF but wants to explore his bi side and is just as confused.

Was it clear you wanted to be 'shared' with a man and not another woman?"

*loves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"would only be interested if my gf was involved rachel ... if its still a no then so be it "

You have to really mean those last 9 words xx

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

OP, you sound very clear on what you want. You want to play with a bi guy or a CD and you want your gf to be involved too. It doesn't sound like you're willing to consider compromising in any way.

What happens if your gf is just as unwilling to do it all your way?

You're more likely to be able to work this out if you can each find some room to compromise.

If this is something you've wanted for at least 3 years already, I suspect it isn't going to go away if your gf says no.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"totaly get where your comming from poppa , but clubs , well we have never been to one and deffo not my gfs thing , shes very shy and dosent mix well with other people , let alone other nakid ones lol "

That's likely why she's not open to sharing you, it means putting her in the uncomfortable postion of just meeting someone new from the start of she's really that shy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I recently discovered that my long term partner is bi and into cd. Was quite a shock but now we both dress together and I find it so erotic. He had an encounter once before we met and admitted Skypeing other cd men since we've been together. So I think those urges don't go away. Although we've never been swinging yet I do love the thought of seeing him with another man and want to be part of the event. It's scary but very arousing. I think him

Whispering what he'd like to happen whilst we're playing has probably sown the seeds! Maybe you should try that and see if it develops ??

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

1) do (you happy, she unhappy)

2) don't (she happy, you unhappy)

3) cheat (both happy until she finds out)

4) compromise (both unhappy some of the time and both happy some of the time)

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By *axandbooCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

the thing with any sort of extra person is communication. talk, discuss.

Boo was VERY much a no person at the start of things. it was discussed and the idea of me and another man giving her pleasure got her mind racing.

we talked more, set boundaries, she had her first MMF and loved it, we have now arranged our third and she wants to explore more things.

Time, communication and understanding each others point of view.

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By *hor ThumbMan
over a year ago

bristol

Hate to be so black and white about it but as a bi guy whos been in frustrating relationships because of this very issue....i can tell you with a fair degree of confidence, that this relationship wont last and if it does, you will feel unfulfilled for the rest of your sexually active life. In my humble opinion as a bi guy, you need to explain to her that you cannot go through life without airing this part of you that exists wether she likes that or not. Its one thing to be respectful towards your partner, its another to allow yourself to be repressed because of your partners insecurities. Maybe because of this biggie (and it is a biggie) you're just not compatable. More sensitively worded hard talk is needed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You must have brought your cross dressing up at one point....how did you approach that.....I don't see anything wrong with saying what's on your mind. .. I would hate to think Mr A was dying to tell me something but couldn't.....there is nothing I wouldn't tell him.....do you not think she would rather you be honest with her x

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By *hor ThumbMan
over a year ago

bristol

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. "
YOU CANNOT PUT YOUR SEXUALITY TO ONE SIDE...IT IS NOT A CRAVING Do not listen to this persons advice, it could ultimately fuck you up. Do not bottle up your sexuality as you are clearly bisexual. This is a good thing and nothing to feel shane about, your sexyallity isnt a hobby

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By *hor ThumbMan
over a year ago

bristol

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! what live by someone elses rules for the rest of your life..err no..."
suzy im with you....so many people on here thst are supposed to be sexually enlightened that reveal themselves as bigoted. Like being bi is a hobby or something. Some of the responses have really opened my eyes to the fact that just because people are on a swingers site , doesn't mean they're any more enlighened to the many layers of sexuality

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By *hor ThumbMan
over a year ago

bristol

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! what live by someone elses rules for the rest of your life..err no...

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By *hor ThumbMan
over a year ago

bristol

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more!

I'd want to be myself more than be with someone. It's a difficult position to be in but if there's one thing I've learned in the last 5 years it's to be true to myself before other people

That's a good way to be, so out of interest what are your plans if she's dead set on this and won't change her mind?

If it were me I would consider myself unfulfilled in my current relationship and therefore end it. How else would I find true happiness"
amen to that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more!

I'd want to be myself more than be with someone. It's a difficult position to be in but if there's one thing I've learned in the last 5 years it's to be true to myself before other people"

Yes very true I've learnt this also.

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By *hor ThumbMan
over a year ago

bristol

Hi suzi, having read your replies on this thread, i/we really like the cut of your jib (so to speak) so i read your profile and i'm now even more impressed. Id like to enter into some dialogue with you, please feel free to check out our profile and if you like it get in touch x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! what live by someone elses rules for the rest of your life..err no...

Not quite what I ment, if this is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with then is it worth throwing that away to fill a desire? Don't get me wrong hopefully he can get the best of both worlds and be happy but if she's dead set on no then he has a choice to make! you cant choose to be bisexual...you can choose to be bi playful..bisexuality is bisexuality..like being gay or trans..its not something you can switch on or off..sure you can suppress it..live a lie..but much better to not..life is too short not to feel alive..love should set you free not oppress you.."

So someone who is bi can't be monogamous? Because they have to have sex with both genders?

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"Hi suzi, having read your replies on this thread, i/we really like the cut of your jib (so to speak) so i read your profile and i'm now even more impressed. Id like to enter into some dialogue with you, please feel free to check out our profile and if you like it get in touch x"

Just a heads up

If you can't message due to filters/blocks it's against forum rules to use the forum to try and get around those filters/blocks

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

My main problem with this, for me, is that the OP not only wants to meet men, he wants his partner to as well.

Even if she were ok with him acting on the craving, he won't be happy unless she is involved too.

That's not just wanting to explore or fulfil his bisexuality.

It's fair enough to ask if she'll consider it but it's a very big expectation. For swingers this may seem very normal but it's not the norm for most people. The OP is going to have to be prepared to hear no from his girlfriend. I hope he'll accept it as easily as his "so be it" but I suspect it won't be that easy.

For those suggesting that the OP deserves, somehow, the opportunity to explore his bi side, yes, he does but only to an extent.

He got involved in a monogamous relationship and it's now him that wants to change the arrangement. To suggest his craving gives him a right to do that is ridiculous. His girlfriend has an equal right not to agree. His right to explore exists only outside the relationship. In the relationship, her wants and needs carry equal weight.

Bisexual people are attracted to both sexes but they don't have to act on it. It is possible to be bisexual and monogamous.

The problem here is that monogamy is no longer what the OP wants. If it turns out his girlfriend won't agree to what he wants, (which would be a very big ask for most people), he's got some serious thinking to do and some big decisions to make.

I'm not saying anyone should deny part of their sexuality but sometimes we have to make choices when other people want different things to what we want.

It's fair enough for the OP to say "so be it" if his gf says no but it sounds like he's already asked her (albeit a while ago) and hasn't accepted her saying no.

If she's shy I can see this could be incredibly difficult for her.

Posts that effectively say, "how can I persuade my partner to do something they've said they don't want to do?", never sit right with me.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Just a heads up

If you can't message due to filters/blocks it's against forum rules to use the forum to try and get around those filters/blocks "

I think it's allowed to ask someone to message you though.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! what live by someone elses rules for the rest of your life..err no...

Not quite what I ment, if this is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with then is it worth throwing that away to fill a desire? Don't get me wrong hopefully he can get the best of both worlds and be happy but if she's dead set on no then he has a choice to make! you cant choose to be bisexual...you can choose to be bi playful..bisexuality is bisexuality..like being gay or trans..its not something you can switch on or off..sure you can suppress it..live a lie..but much better to not..life is too short not to feel alive..love should set you free not oppress you..

So someone who is bi can't be monogamous? Because they have to have sex with both genders? "

Yea I don't quite understand that one either I'm bi but was in a monogamous relationship with a man for 9 years, during that whole time I still defined myself as a bi woman even though at the time I wasn't engaged in sexual activity with women. Yes I had desires still towards other women but did I and could continue to keep it in my pants if I were in that same relationship it's a choice you make, that was the right choice for me. That relationship worked for me regardless of my desires towards women. Unfortunately he desired other women too but went as far to fuck off with one so the relationship ended, 6 months later he came crawling back to be met with my middle finger

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! what live by someone elses rules for the rest of your life..err no...suzy im with you....so many people on here thst are supposed to be sexually enlightened that reveal themselves as bigoted. Like being bi is a hobby or something. Some of the responses have really opened my eyes to the fact that just because people are on a swingers site , doesn't mean they're any more enlighened to the many layers of sexuality"

I think it's more that we understand the OP is bi but also that his girlfriend isn't interested in threesomes or sharing him.

Both are perfectly reasonable but in this case, conflicting.

The OP has no more right to explore his bi side, particularly with his gf's active participation, than she has to say no.

So he can ask but if she says no again, he's going to have to decide whether his desire to meet men is stronger than his desire to stay with his girlfriend.

I don't think anyone thinks being bi is a hobby but personally I do know it's a choice whether to act on it or not. Being bi doesn't mean you HAVE to have sex with both sexes.

It's a difficult situation for the OP. We have to remember, however, his sexuality isn't more important than what his gf wants.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"would only be interested if my gf was involved rachel ... if its still a no then so be it "

As I woman I needed to understand the desire fully. We talked about it, when I fully understood. We started meeting guys for bi fun. I love watching, he always holds me or plays with me whilst having guys. I feel privileged he could share his needs with me. When he wants a cock we seek one out together.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! what live by someone elses rules for the rest of your life..err no...

Not quite what I ment, if this is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with then is it worth throwing that away to fill a desire? Don't get me wrong hopefully he can get the best of both worlds and be happy but if she's dead set on no then he has a choice to make! you cant choose to be bisexual...you can choose to be bi playful..bisexuality is bisexuality..like being gay or trans..its not something you can switch on or off..sure you can suppress it..live a lie..but much better to not..life is too short not to feel alive..love should set you free not oppress you..

So someone who is bi can't be monogamous? Because they have to have sex with both genders?

I'm bi and although I haven't had a relationship with a woman, I could.

I have had two long term monogamous relationships with men though, throughout which I remained bi but didn't act on it.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I'm bi too, I only act on it if he agrees.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

I think it's more that we understand the OP is bi but also that his girlfriend isn't interested in threesomes or sharing him.

Both are perfectly reasonable but in this case, conflicting.

The OP has no more right to explore his bi side, particularly with his gf's active participation, than she has to say no.

So he can ask but if she says no again, he's going to have to decide whether his desire to meet men is stronger than his desire to stay with his girlfriend.

I don't think anyone thinks being bi is a hobby but personally I do know it's a choice whether to act on it or not. Being bi doesn't mean you HAVE to have sex with both sexes.

It's a difficult situation for the OP. We have to remember, however, his sexuality isn't more important than what his gf wants."

Totally agree with this

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! what live by someone elses rules for the rest of your life..err no...

Not quite what I ment, if this is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with then is it worth throwing that away to fill a desire? Don't get me wrong hopefully he can get the best of both worlds and be happy but if she's dead set on no then he has a choice to make! you cant choose to be bisexual...you can choose to be bi playful..bisexuality is bisexuality..like being gay or trans..its not something you can switch on or off..sure you can suppress it..live a lie..but much better to not..life is too short not to feel alive..love should set you free not oppress you..

So someone who is bi can't be monogamous? Because they have to have sex with both genders?

I'm bi and although I haven't had a relationship with a woman, I could.

I have had two long term monogamous relationships with men though, throughout which I remained bi but didn't act on it."

Yes I feel it's quite a ridiculous notion that being choosing to be monogamous it means you're no longer bi, which is what I feel has been implied.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! what live by someone elses rules for the rest of your life..err no...

Not quite what I ment, if this is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with then is it worth throwing that away to fill a desire? Don't get me wrong hopefully he can get the best of both worlds and be happy but if she's dead set on no then he has a choice to make! you cant choose to be bisexual...you can choose to be bi playful..bisexuality is bisexuality..like being gay or trans..its not something you can switch on or off..sure you can suppress it..live a lie..but much better to not..life is too short not to feel alive..love should set you free not oppress you..

So someone who is bi can't be monogamous? Because they have to have sex with both genders?

I'm bi and although I haven't had a relationship with a woman, I could.

I have had two long term monogamous relationships with men though, throughout which I remained bi but didn't act on it.

Yes I feel it's quite a ridiculous notion that being choosing to be monogamous it means you're no longer bi, which is what I feel has been implied."

*by choosing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm bi, but I don't crave women in our bed. I certainly don't feel any the less fulfilled for only sleeping with men at the moment. All that bisexuality is, is the ability to find both genders attractive. Which one I choose to sleep with doesn't mean I'm repressing the other side of me! I could spend the rest of my life only sleeping with one or the other and be perfectly fine with it.

OP, you have a choice, as we all have at some point. What is she worth? I personally have never stayed with someone who couldn't handle me sleeping with others, because I couldn't cheat. I have compromised on other major life decisions because my other half is far more important to me than whatever I have given up.

I personally wouldn't do it when you're next dressing up...you need to have an open and frank discussion with her about swinging. It is separate to your cross dressing. If you really can't handle the thought of never sleeping with someone else, you need to sit down and tell her how you feel. Then listen to how it makes her feel. Then weigh it all up and make your decision.

Tough situation and you have my sympathy. And hugs.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I am so sorry to hear your situation. It is very difficult and I can't really offer any advice. I know people are complicated and the world is not black and white. But it seems to me there are certain things that are. A relationship is all about concent and mutual agreement. There will be times when you can't agree or come to a compromise that suits you both. This is obviously a boundary she won't break. Sometimes to be with someone we have to make self sacrifices. So to me it boils down to you having to ultimately choose what you want more. I understand what a hard position this is for you but then sometimes life is a hard game. Wish you all the best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi...

It won't go away but you'd have to decide what you want more! what live by someone elses rules for the rest of your life..err no...

Not quite what I ment, if this is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with then is it worth throwing that away to fill a desire? Don't get me wrong hopefully he can get the best of both worlds and be happy but if she's dead set on no then he has a choice to make! you cant choose to be bisexual...you can choose to be bi playful..bisexuality is bisexuality..like being gay or trans..its not something you can switch on or off..sure you can suppress it..live a lie..but much better to not..life is too short not to feel alive..love should set you free not oppress you.."

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By *lirty_dirtyCouple
over a year ago

Lingfield

Having been in relationships where I had to hide my bisexuality I would strongly advise anyone to embrace your own identity, regardless of the cost to your current relationship. My Mrs and I had 'the chat' at the start and I said it's not something I'll give up. She accepts it totally and loves watching me with other guys. Only you know the strength of the urges but just do what's right for you. We are here for a good time not a long time!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having been in relationships where I had to hide my bisexuality I would strongly advise anyone to embrace your own identity, regardless of the cost to your current relationship. My Mrs and I had 'the chat' at the start and I said it's not something I'll give up. She accepts it totally and loves watching me with other guys. Only you know the strength of the urges but just do what's right for you. We are here for a good time not a long time! "

I'm sorry I don't buy this.

Bi sexuality, homo sexuality hero sexuality, and any other sexuality just doesn't come into it.

Having sex with someone else when you are supposed to be in a loving committed relationship, where your partner isn't happy with you, or themselves having sex with others is nothing short but cheating on said relationship, no matter what "urges" one might have.

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By *lirty_dirtyCouple
over a year ago

Lingfield

I'm sorry I don't buy this.

Bi sexuality, homo sexuality hero sexuality, and any other sexuality just doesn't come into it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry I don't buy this.

Bi sexuality, homo sexuality hero sexuality, and any other sexuality just doesn't come into it.

Ahh, brill.

So everyone should just act on their sexual urges, irrespective of sexual orientation, by that account then....

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By *inzi LTV/TS
over a year ago

The Garden of Eden in Beautiful North Wales

Respect her wishes or chance losing her.

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

That's the trouble. They didn't have the chat at the start of the relationship. ! She is acceptioning of your cross dressing. I suggest you pick a time when you are both relaxed and in a good mood and discuss ideas or fantasies.....what might be worth trying and what is a no no. Take it from there. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know this situation and you can't switch you bi side off. Mine gets so much stronger when I am dressed as a girl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She said no, there isn't a way of phrasing it that will make her say yes. Talk to her, don't push and find out if there's a compromise.

put the craving to the side and understand when she said she won't share means that she won't share. it doesnt go away..maybe you dont understand what its like to be bi..."

Im 100% bi but if my man wasn't wanting me to enjoy the pleasures of another lady with or without him id stop. It's called respect for my otherhalf.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

ok firstly i must say many thanks for all your reply's to my post and to be honest it was great to see many different views on this subject .... amyway it now seams that i may not have to ask at all , i was dressing last night for my gf and she actually brought up the subject about me being bi.... she wanted to know what i would be interested in and what i would like to do , soooo without any hesitation i told her that i would love a 3som with her with another cd and that id love to see her be fucked by another cock other than mine , we ended up having amazing sex while being very vocal during it and it seams the idea could become more like a reality ..... should i bring it up again about last night or just leave it and wait and see if my gf mentions it again , i dont want to force the issue as thats not my thing , but deffo loved the atmosphere during sex last night , any advice would be greatly appricated on this ..... thanks in advance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My advice would be to bring it up, sooner the better, but at the right moment, I.e. When you can have a decent conversation about it and not be distracted. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be to revisit the topic.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"ok firstly i must say many thanks for all your reply's to my post and to be honest it was great to see many different views on this subject .... amyway it now seams that i may not have to ask at all , i was dressing last night for my gf and she actually brought up the subject about me being bi.... she wanted to know what i would be interested in and what i would like to do , soooo without any hesitation i told her that i would love a 3som with her with another cd and that id love to see her be fucked by another cock other than mine , we ended up having amazing sex while being very vocal during it and it seams the idea could become more like a reality ..... should i bring it up again about last night or just leave it and wait and see if my gf mentions it again , i dont want to force the issue as thats not my thing , but deffo loved the atmosphere during sex last night , any advice would be greatly appricated on this ..... thanks in advance "

stop asking us what you should do. Your girlfriend has been very open with you, she's broached the subject and is clearly trying to bring things out into the open. Talk to her she's shown you she's willing to discuss it, establish whether she wants to keep it as fantasy or make it reality and go from there.

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By *isty286Couple
over a year ago

Dorset

Get her a strap on and a guys uniform, dress up yourself and have a bit of role reversal fun, might scratch some of your itches without over stepping any of her rules, and you never know might just start the ball rolling.

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