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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

As a wanna be sub very new to the whole scene anybody have any ideas as to where to start my research ???? Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

brace yourself for the inbox full of all the gear but no idea dimdoms..

Look for local munches near you... or clubs with well run fetish nights.. talk to other subs and dominants but never let a guy covince you to jump straight in.

There are sites out there with loads of newbie advice and Google is your friend to help find them.

I know xtasia.. the attic.. quest .. partners and the townhouse have very good events with experienced people... and trying the BBB in Birmingham would be a great way to meet like minded people.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Don't post other sites onto the forum please as you are likely to get a ban

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Sorry didn't realise x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

mentor go along to munches there are lots of lovely people on there within the bdsm community and loads would give you help support and guidance without demanding you do silly tasks as many fake doms prey on newbies to the scene asking for this and leaving you to feel your shit and not right for it.

STOP and walk away from anyone like that. Trust your intuition every time. Red lights are there for a reason x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Research network and do loads of reading. Talk to people on the scene. Remember your not anyone's sub no ones your dom or dad is beware of messages demanding respect like that. Any dominant top or daddy with an once of respect wouldn't dream of doing this without getting to know you. And remember the submissive holds the power not the dom.

Good luck on your journey and remember be honest with yourself and about your limits and boundaries. X

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By *he horny kinkstersCouple
over a year ago

North West


"brace yourself for the inbox full of all the gear but no idea dimdoms..

Look for local munches near you... or clubs with well run fetish nights.. talk to other subs and dominants but never let a guy covince you to jump straight in.

There are sites out there with loads of newbie advice and Google is your friend to help find them.

I know xtasia.. the attic.. quest .. partners and the townhouse have very good events with experienced people... and trying the BBB in Birmingham would be a great way to meet like minded people. "

PMSL @ "dimdoms"

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

PM and talk to subs, they will give you idea's and suitable information and questions to ask potential Dom's about the dynamic.

This should help the filtering process.

Would suggest you get a subs perspective and not a Dom's, dim or not.

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.


"As a wanna be sub very new to the whole scene anybody have any ideas as to where to start my research ???? Xx"

Good luck to you Sir.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Munches are great, plenty of fet-pickyoursuffix sites which will put you in touch with your local community. My inbox is always open if you want advice - I've been a 24/7 sub through to casual bottom for the last decade so I would be more than happy to be there for you to talk things through.

The important thing is you. Everyone has their own unique thing that works for them - there's a million different flavours of kink and only a few that will work for you. Many will try to tell you that their way is the *right* way to do it (not on here forums though, I hasten to add, we're a bit more live and let live!).

Experiment and stay Safe, Sane and Consensual, and ensure that when you do pick your first partner, that they are experienced and willing to listen to you, not just use you for their own pleasure (though that is fun too!)

If it is for you, this side of life is without doubt a rare and beautiful thing. Colours appear sharper, the world appears brighter and you'll never feel so alive. It's easy to get jaded but the wonder when you take your first steps is breathtaking! Good luck and have a LOT of fun!

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

As has been said, be aware that many clueless wannabe Doms will be cluttering your inbox.

It is best to find a local munch and get to know people who are part of your local scene. Do choose to explore with people who are known, rather than someone who says they are a great Dom but who knows nobody in the scene.

Remember BDSM is about exploring mutual pleasures. While it can involve both pain and control you have every right to offer or decline your consent.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Though you would hope to meet more like minded people and hopefully knowledgeable people at munches. Bdsm is like everything else in life (plenty of idiots around).

I would suggest you read everything you can lay your hands on and then pick and choose the bits you feel are relevant to you. Then when you do meet people at munches or elsewhere you hopefully will have a little more knowledge of the subject.

Personally I know some very good Doms that are not public atall, infact a lot of Doms don't like to proclaim themselves such. It's much more valuable to form your own opinion of someone and at the end of the day you need to play with a Dom/Domme that fits for you so only you can really decide if someone is suitable or not.

There are certain basics that I think you'd be wise to look for and the rest you can then build on. Starting with any Dom that is going to fit with you will immediately recognise your lack of experience and acknowledge that, take their time and encourage you to do the same.

Patience is definitely a useful tool when starting to express bdsm

Good luck xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Though you would hope to meet more like minded people and hopefully knowledgeable people at munches. Bdsm is like everything else in life (plenty of idiots around).

I would suggest you read everything you can lay your hands on and then pick and choose the bits you feel are relevant to you. Then when you do meet people at munches or elsewhere you hopefully will have a little more knowledge of the subject.

Personally I know some very good Doms that are not public atall, infact a lot of Doms don't like to proclaim themselves such. It's much more valuable to form your own opinion of someone and at the end of the day you need to play with a Dom/Domme that fits for you so only you can really decide if someone is suitable or not.

There are certain basics that I think you'd be wise to look for and the rest you can then build on. Starting with any Dom that is going to fit with you will immediately recognise your lack of experience and acknowledge that, take their time and encourage you to do the same.

Patience is definitely a useful tool when starting to express bdsm

Good luck xxx"

Wise words

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Though you would hope to meet more like minded people and hopefully knowledgeable people at munches. Bdsm is like everything else in life (plenty of idiots around).

I would suggest you read everything you can lay your hands on and then pick and choose the bits you feel are relevant to you. Then when you do meet people at munches or elsewhere you hopefully will have a little more knowledge of the subject.

Personally I know some very good Doms that are not public atall, infact a lot of Doms don't like to proclaim themselves such. It's much more valuable to form your own opinion of someone and at the end of the day you need to play with a Dom/Domme that fits for you so only you can really decide if someone is suitable or not.

There are certain basics that I think you'd be wise to look for and the rest you can then build on. Starting with any Dom that is going to fit with you will immediately recognise your lack of experience and acknowledge that, take their time and encourage you to do the same.

Patience is definitely a useful tool when starting to express bdsm

Good luck xxx"

I'd just like to add anyone truly into this dynamic would never try to pressurize you into anything you felt uncomfortable with ether .

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop


"As a wanna be sub very new to the whole scene anybody have any ideas as to where to start my research ???? Xx

Good luck to you Sir. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

@ Xxxsassyxxx

Plenty of good advice above, to add a little, focus on learning about the fetish scene as a whole rather than let a random 'dom' guide you. You are lucky in where you live, the Birmingham fetish scene is excellent with lots happening in clubs, events and most importantly munches where you can chat with all sorts of people in a vanilla setting and get different perspectives.

Good luck

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By *ettyboop61Woman
over a year ago

St Neots


"@ Xxxsassyxxx

Plenty of good advice above, to add a little, focus on learning about the fetish scene as a whole rather than let a random 'dom' guide you. You are lucky in where you live, the Birmingham fetish scene is excellent with lots happening in clubs, events and most importantly munches where you can chat with all sorts of people in a vanilla setting and get different perspectives.

Good luck "

wish I lived in Birmingham. ...not a lot in my area....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

@ Manhunter52

You have the Watford munch next Tuesday!

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By *tephanie19631TV/TS
over a year ago

oxford

Join a few fet...related sites and find groups and real life events in your area.

If your nervous about going to a local munch contact the organiser most will be happy to accompany you.

Avoid all the fools who think that by just adding dom on there profile that makes them worthy of the title.

And above all if you get the littlest inclination that all doesnt seem right ignore block delete.

Remember your safety is your responsibility and paramount.

If you want any pointers to relevant groups pm me in confidence

Stay safe have fun

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Yep if you advertise sub you'll get an inbox full of people claiming to be super dom or to be the real life Mr Gray (it's like this has never been around since the book). Many of these guys won't have a clue or just be pure fantasists. Some of them will just be so crude, nasty or brutal. I would say if your looking on here check the reviews of anyone who claims to be super dom. No doubt they will say something about his experience in the field. Also you could always message the source of the review to find out more. And as always follow your gut. Also the term sub to me is way to board. I have meet many subs but all have slightly different takes on what that means to them and what they want from it. So it may help to be detailed about what your looking for. So know what you want and be clear about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have a really good fet scene in Leeds and Manchester and after attending them regularly I am lucky enough to have the regular attentions of 5or6 very good doms. They aren't possessive, they each bring something different to my world and they all have three things in common 1) they concentrate on my responses to their treatment of me, 2) they are skilled sadists 3) I am drawn to them, animal magnetism!

Go to get events near you and find skilled doms who will take you on a journey at your preferred pace. M x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"brace yourself for the inbox full of all the gear but no idea dimdoms. . . "

"Dim-Doms" . . that's a new one on me but so accurately describes so many of the self-centred peeps who aspire to being a Dom. Going to remember that one . . ace!

OP? This isn't quite the right web-site for what you seek so you'll need to cast your net further afield? Find a "group" local to your area that have a "munch" (social meet up) listing and then go to at least several.

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"brace yourself for the inbox full of all the gear but no idea dimdoms. . .

"Dim-Doms" . . that's a new one on me but so accurately describes so many of the self-centred peeps who aspire to being a Dom. Going to remember that one . . ace!

OP? This isn't quite the right web-site for what you seek so you'll need to cast your net further afield? Find a "group" local to your area that have a "munch" (social meet up) listing and then go to at least several."

She can use thus site just like anyone else but she will just have to be very careful because of the wanna bees .

As for a munch I'd add pick one organised by couple because that way you will nit be the only woman their because like a lot in this world of sex based fun men far out number woman on most that I have been to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"brace yourself for the inbox full of all the gear but no idea dimdoms. . .

"Dim-Doms" . . that's a new one on me but so accurately describes so many of the self-centred peeps who aspire to being a Dom. Going to remember that one . . ace!

OP? This isn't quite the right web-site for what you seek so you'll need to cast your net further afield? Find a "group" local to your area that have a "munch" (social meet up) listing and then go to at least several."

I call them dim diddly doms

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

There are lots of experienced, safe Doms on Fab. But the OP will likely be inundated with messages from guys claiming to be such...but who are really just wannabes.

We all started as newbies, but BDSM can be emotionally and physically risky and the journey is best taken with someone who has an idea what they are doing. A couple of bad experiences early on can put someone off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"brace yourself for the inbox full of all the gear but no idea dimdoms..

Look for local munches near you... or clubs with well run fetish nights.. talk to other subs and dominants but never let a guy covince you to jump straight in.

There are sites out there with loads of newbie advice and Google is your friend to help find them.

I know xtasia.. the attic.. quest .. partners and the townhouse have very good events with experienced people... and trying the BBB in Birmingham would be a great way to meet like minded people. "

Surely just as she is starting out some Doms are too, which doesn't make them dimdoms.

The roll and skills develop over time, I find people here very quick to come down on men who say they are Doms.

Every sub/dom has to start some where!

Op I wish you luck in your search and journey

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Fair point but the problem is the amount on men who claim to awesome and experienced doms when they have little experience, little emotional intelligence and sometimes just not the right character. Although as is the ballence of men to women any man on FAB any who said I am a newbie dom or a mediocre dom isn't going to get a look in. So I can see why there is a pressure to talk a big game.

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By *ngle DelightWoman
over a year ago

Blackpool

[Removed by poster at 14/08/16 18:12:37]

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By *ngle DelightWoman
over a year ago

Blackpool

I've been interested in doing this for along time I've been to theunit a few times so I had my first 1 on 1 bdsm session on Friday night and I loved it but I do have a lot to learn so the lovely man that i met is more than will to take it a bit at a bit time xxx

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

As an added measure when you are meeting a Dom at first maybe set up some form of text from a friend to ensure you are ok. It could be that you need to text back a particular word or an odd number, etc. Something that can't be guessed.

Make sure they know where you are too.

Trust has to grow before you can do things with a Dom too. Don't jump in to being bound without having a safe word or signal. It's great when it works well and your Dom treats you well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some Doms will even have a "tick list" clarifying likes/dislikes and activites you will not do.

Sounds a bit clinical but is a clear indicator of what your looking for and expecting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some Doms will even have a "tick list" clarifying likes/dislikes and activites you will not do.

Sounds a bit clinical but is a clear indicator of what your looking for and expecting.

"

Agree with that and it's needed as a is clear after care

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"brace yourself for the inbox full of all the gear but no idea dimdoms..

Look for local munches near you... or clubs with well run fetish nights.. talk to other subs and dominants but never let a guy covince you to jump straight in.

There are sites out there with loads of newbie advice and Google is your friend to help find them.

I know xtasia.. the attic.. quest .. partners and the townhouse have very good events with experienced people... and trying the BBB in Birmingham would be a great way to meet like minded people.

Surely just as she is starting out some Doms are too, which doesn't make them dimdoms.

The roll and skills develop over time, I find people here very quick to come down on men who say they are Doms.

Every sub/dom has to start some where!

Op I wish you luck in your search and journey "

Fair point and good reasoning however on Fab 99% are Mr Greys or super "Dom's"..their idea of domination is beating the "shit" out of some one and then having their kind of sex.

Sorry ain't like that in the real world..Think The Unit wasn't mentioned in the thread and as many pointed out local munchies are great to meet people from all areas of "fet".

But in the end it is the submissive which "rules the rooster" and a "No" is a "No" ... nothing else nothing more...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good book to read is

Domination & Submission BDSM Relationship Handbook

By Michael Makai

Get it right you will have great fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Research network and do loads of reading. Talk to people on the scene. Remember your not anyone's sub no ones your dom or dad is beware of messages demanding respect like that. Any dominant top or daddy with an once of respect wouldn't dream of doing this without getting to know you. And remember the submissive holds the power not the dom.

Good luck on your journey and remember be honest with yourself and about your limits and boundaries. X"
this is.the very essence of the roles. sound advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good book to read is

Domination & Submission BDSM Relationship Handbook

By Michael Makai

Get it right you will have great fun"
a very good beginning point to

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

loads of good advice, here, most importantly to remeber its a journey of self discovery so read what you, even if its to go no way, not for me..listen, trust your instincts about where you are on your journey right now and just mix, watch, talk to and learn from others first...gives you firm well rounded foundation on which to base conclusions on what you need at this point in time..have a lot of fun on your journey xx

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By *onah10Man
over a year ago

birmingham

[Removed by poster at 25/08/16 12:24:43]

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By *onah10Man
over a year ago

birmingham


"brace yourself for the inbox full of all the gear but no idea dimdoms..

Look for local munches near you... or clubs with well run fetish nights.. talk to other subs and dominants but never let a guy covince you to jump straight in.

There are sites out there with loads of newbie advice and Google is your friend to help find them.

I know xtasia.. the attic.. quest .. partners and the townhouse have very good events with experienced people... and trying the BBB in Birmingham would be a great way to meet like minded people. "

Good advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some cracking advice given, Munches and Fet events are the way to go.

Safer than meeting privately and it will give you some experience in looking out for red flags and helpful tips.

We would advise playing publicly at first or let the owners know who you are going with to a closed room with.

Ask others on the scene about potential play partners its a smallish community so everyone knows more or less everyone or someone who does.

Play at your speed and boundaries but keep an open mind as it gives you room to evolve as time goes on.

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By *onnie and JohnCouple
over a year ago

WILTSHIRE


"As a wanna be sub very new to the whole scene anybody have any ideas as to where to start my research ???? Xx"

a week with us ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I frequent a particular site which is excellent, for alternative lifestyles etc. Cant name it on forum threads though

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

SM101 by Jay Wiseman is a very good book to read, packed full with excellent advice.

These advice threads are always funny though in that they are crammed with people proclaiming that everyone else out there is a rubbish dom...it's a little bit like how everyone thinks they are a good driver really!

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton


"SM101 by Jay Wiseman is a very good book to read, packed full with excellent advice.

These advice threads are always funny though in that they are crammed with people proclaiming that everyone else out there is a rubbish dom...it's a little bit like how everyone thinks they are a good driver really! "

The problem here is that there really are a lot of guys out there who style themselves as a "true Dom" (whatever that is) and haven't got a clue. I know more than one lady, sadly, who has met up with guys proclaiming themselves Doms but who are not on the fet sites, not connected to the scene in any way, and they do turn out to be the nightmare another poster described above...the kind of guy who things a Dom's job is to beat 50 shades of shit out of a sub regardless of her own experience, or who has no experience so just goes in cold with a hard paddle, or who thinks simply using a woman for his own selfish pleasure without any attention to her pleasure is "being a Dom".

All those things have their place and can be perfectly fine forms of play. But there are guys who see the word "sub" and think "I can do anything I want and it doesn't matter".

BDSM, be it light or heavy, is still about exploring mutual desires and needs. A newbie could get lucky and find a great person who is not part of the scene and who knows nobody in the scene...but I would advise caution. Do read, do see if there is a local munch...get to know what is considered OK and what is not OK from people who have been doing BDSM for some time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I frequent a particular site which is excellent, for alternative lifestyles etc. Cant name it on forum threads though "

fetlife? you can mention it. no-one can sign up to it at this time though without an invite.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol


"SM101 by Jay Wiseman is a very good book to read, packed full with excellent advice.

These advice threads are always funny though in that they are crammed with people proclaiming that everyone else out there is a rubbish dom...it's a little bit like how everyone thinks they are a good driver really!

The problem here is that there really are a lot of guys out there who style themselves as a "true Dom" (whatever that is) and haven't got a clue. I know more than one lady, sadly, who has met up with guys proclaiming themselves Doms but who are not on the fet sites, not connected to the scene in any way, and they do turn out to be the nightmare another poster described above...the kind of guy who things a Dom's job is to beat 50 shades of shit out of a sub regardless of her own experience, or who has no experience so just goes in cold with a hard paddle, or who thinks simply using a woman for his own selfish pleasure without any attention to her pleasure is "being a Dom".

All those things have their place and can be perfectly fine forms of play. But there are guys who see the word "sub" and think "I can do anything I want and it doesn't matter".

BDSM, be it light or heavy, is still about exploring mutual desires and needs. A newbie could get lucky and find a great person who is not part of the scene and who knows nobody in the scene...but I would advise caution. Do read, do see if there is a local munch...get to know what is considered OK and what is not OK from people who have been doing BDSM for some time.

"

Don't disagree with any of that. But how many of the 'rubbish doms' would say exactly the same, not recognising that they fall into the same category themselves? Quite a few I'd wager!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"SM101 by Jay Wiseman is a very good book to read, packed full with excellent advice.

These advice threads are always funny though in that they are crammed with people proclaiming that everyone else out there is a rubbish dom...it's a little bit like how everyone thinks they are a good driver really!

The problem here is that there really are a lot of guys out there who style themselves as a "true Dom" (whatever that is) and haven't got a clue. I know more than one lady, sadly, who has met up with guys proclaiming themselves Doms but who are not on the fet sites, not connected to the scene in any way, and they do turn out to be the nightmare another poster described above...the kind of guy who things a Dom's job is to beat 50 shades of shit out of a sub regardless of her own experience, or who has no experience so just goes in cold with a hard paddle, or who thinks simply using a woman for his own selfish pleasure without any attention to her pleasure is "being a Dom".

All those things have their place and can be perfectly fine forms of play. But there are guys who see the word "sub" and think "I can do anything I want and it doesn't matter".

BDSM, be it light or heavy, is still about exploring mutual desires and needs. A newbie could get lucky and find a great person who is not part of the scene and who knows nobody in the scene...but I would advise caution. Do read, do see if there is a local munch...get to know what is considered OK and what is not OK from people who have been doing BDSM for some time.

Don't disagree with any of that. But how many of the 'rubbish doms' would say exactly the same, not recognising that they fall into the same category themselves? Quite a few I'd wager! "

You see males and females with partners who you personally think are awful and are treating their partner badly but the partner loves them and thinks that the sun shines from there bas cul. I would rather people on this site soley concentrated on pointing newbies in the direction of information and explaining to them being submissive does not mean doing everything your dom/domme tells you when you are starting out. Rather than slagging off other doms, (as they rarely slag off dommes) concentrate on the newbie. I know people will say if you are exploring something for the first time you need to be aware of the dangers, but this is guides slagging off other guides without knowing what the newbie wants.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"SM101 by Jay Wiseman is a very good book to read, packed full with excellent advice.

These advice threads are always funny though in that they are crammed with people proclaiming that everyone else out there is a rubbish dom...it's a little bit like how everyone thinks they are a good driver really!

The problem here is that there really are a lot of guys out there who style themselves as a "true Dom" (whatever that is) and haven't got a clue. I know more than one lady, sadly, who has met up with guys proclaiming themselves Doms but who are not on the fet sites, not connected to the scene in any way, and they do turn out to be the nightmare another poster described above...the kind of guy who things a Dom's job is to beat 50 shades of shit out of a sub regardless of her own experience, or who has no experience so just goes in cold with a hard paddle, or who thinks simply using a woman for his own selfish pleasure without any attention to her pleasure is "being a Dom".

All those things have their place and can be perfectly fine forms of play. But there are guys who see the word "sub" and think "I can do anything I want and it doesn't matter".

BDSM, be it light or heavy, is still about exploring mutual desires and needs. A newbie could get lucky and find a great person who is not part of the scene and who knows nobody in the scene...but I would advise caution. Do read, do see if there is a local munch...get to know what is considered OK and what is not OK from people who have been doing BDSM for some time.

Don't disagree with any of that. But how many of the 'rubbish doms' would say exactly the same, not recognising that they fall into the same category themselves? Quite a few I'd wager!

You see males and females with partners who you personally think are awful and are treating their partner badly but the partner loves them and thinks that the sun shines from there bas cul. I would rather people on this site soley concentrated on pointing newbies in the direction of information and explaining to them being submissive does not mean doing everything your dom/domme tells you when you are starting out. Rather than slagging off other doms, (as they rarely slag off dommes) concentrate on the newbie. I know people will say if you are exploring something for the first time you need to be aware of the dangers, but this is guides slagging off other guides without knowing what the newbie wants."

Well said

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By *reakish DesireCouple
over a year ago

Bisexuals

You've had some great advice so far...

The one piece I haven't seen is: trust your gut, if something feels odd, or not right - trust it (no matter how well someone is known).

Unfortunately, as with other groups, there's people who have a screw loose, predators (just as in day to day life)...

HOWEVER, there are also some great people within 'the community', some active, some not so active...

I hope you get to a local munch, get some bearings and meet some fantastic people.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Slightly hijacking the thread but only on the basis of following the advice of geting out and about on the scene and seeing the whole spectrum, anyone going to Clubantichrist on the 9th September? Anyone been before?

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

There are people with screws loose within and without the community...but my opinion is that newcomers are best advised to gain as much info as they can and to initially find people who are a part of the scene. Perhaps I am over-cautious but I know several women, two who ended up hospitalised (one in intensive care)...who met "Doms" via sex sites. The pattern in common is that the men were not on any fetish sites, had never been to a fetish event or munch and therefore didn't know what they were doing.

In one case, the guy was utterly mortified when he injured my friend, and he genuinely was just making mistakes. But she still ended up in intensive care.

BDSM is great, can be liberating and a wonderful experience. And of course there is no certificate which says "This person is a certified Dom(me)". But I do feel caution is advised. If you're going to put yourself in a position where you might be restrained and hit (something I love giving and receiving)...it's best done with a partner who knows what they are doing.

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By *aidbacklookingMan
over a year ago

this town

It's a real shame there's so much negativity towards any new wanna be Doms.

I'm just starting out with a new friend and everyone starts somewhere.

It's all about the person, and if you actually like and get on with them, ultimately learning to trust enough.

Good luck, and feel free to message if you'd like to chat some time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a real shame there's so much negativity towards any new wanna be Doms.

I'm just starting out with a new friend and everyone starts somewhere.

It's all about the person, and if you actually like and get on with them, ultimately learning to trust enough.

Good luck, and feel free to message if you'd like to chat some time."

You are quite right everyone does start somewhere. The problem comes when the person starting thinks they can run before they can walk. And also doesn't understand the relationship between the physical & mental and how to understand and nurture both.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also it's really important to understand that because you are Dominant it's doesn't mean that every submissive will fall at your knees. Submission is given through choice. It is that simple and that choice can't initially be demanded. It has to be earnt. 80% mental 20% never forget that.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton


"Also it's really important to understand that because you are Dominant it's doesn't mean that every submissive will fall at your knees. Submission is given through choice. It is that simple and that choice can't initially be demanded. It has to be earnt. 80% mental 20% never forget that. "

100% in agreement here. Submission is a precious gift, not something to be taken for granted. The problem with some wannabe Doms, or idiots who style themselves as Doms, is that they simply do not get this. That bloody 50 Shades book hasn't helped - though it is a good thing that the books have brought a lot of people to a point where they want to try kink.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're a very naughty girl!

Come to my room

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Also it's really important to understand that because you are Dominant it's doesn't mean that every submissive will fall at your knees. Submission is given through choice. It is that simple and that choice can't initially be demanded. It has to be earnt. 80% mental 20% never forget that.

100% in agreement here. Submission is a precious gift, not something to be taken for granted. The problem with some wannabe Doms, or idiots who style themselves as Doms, is that they simply do not get this. That bloody 50 Shades book hasn't helped - though it is a good thing that the books have brought a lot of people to a point where they want to try kink. "

I did a thread on this the other week called dom diddly dom, got some mixed responses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Remember there is a difference between a bdsm relationship and a abusive one. Always have a safe word and use it. Just because someone calls themselves Dom, Sir, Miss,Madam etc doesn't mean you have to obey them. Most subs have one Dom/Domme. Good luck finding yours. Subs can fall into many forms brats,littles,alphas, xx marie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a nutshell it's very complex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wasn't going to post on this thread as it has become quite negative, which is often the case.

For a Dom and sub starting out... Do it your own way! Yes research read a book or two and even have a few meets that don't quite work out the way you want.

My advice for what it's worth is really identify what your role is and essentially what you want from that role!! If you just want a sexual high that can be achieved in many many ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wasn't going to post on this thread as it has become quite negative, which is often the case.

For a Dom and sub starting out... Do it your own way! Yes research read a book or two and even have a few meets that don't quite work out the way you want.

My advice for what it's worth is really identify what your role is and essentially what you want from that role!! If you just want a sexual high that can be achieved in many many ways."

I don't feel it's negative really. You are quite right in what you say that you have to try and understand what you want. If course that may well be something you only actually discover while on the journey.

Tbh.. I think many people are confused about what bdsm actually is and the ability to smack backside don't make you Dominant it just means you can hit someone lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fyi I've got a lovely new Cob whip coming tomorrow or Friday and that really will smart lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

BDSM is a catch all phrase for just about every fetish interest under the sun... It's a broad church and a bit of a pick n mix so find your niche and interest and go for it... No doubt many people me included have found differing roles equally satisfying over the years X

My advice is very general and is a slight reflection on my own experience x

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"I frequent a particular site which is excellent, for alternative lifestyles etc. Cant name it on forum threads though

fetlife? you can mention it. no-one can sign up to it at this time though without an invite."
they opened it up again recently, i believe xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a wanna be sub very new to the whole scene anybody have any ideas as to where to start my research ???? Xx"

Loads of guys and couples love BDSM. I enjoy it too and found clubs a good place to meet people xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm on fet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I frequent a particular site which is excellent, for alternative lifestyles etc. Cant name it on forum threads though

fetlife? you can mention it. no-one can sign up to it at this time though without an invite.they opened it up again recently, i believe xx"

thanks. i'll text my sister, she wanted to join.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are on Fet

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"I frequent a particular site which is excellent, for alternative lifestyles etc. Cant name it on forum threads though

fetlife? you can mention it. no-one can sign up to it at this time though without an invite.they opened it up again recently, i believe xx

thanks. i'll text my sister, she wanted to join."

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Aren't we all on fet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aren't we all on fet?"

Yep

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge


"Aren't we all on fet?"
yup

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By *tephanie19631TV/TS
over a year ago

oxford

Been on fet for years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aren't we all on fet?"

Nope

But then again I could be classed as a dimdom

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol


"Aren't we all on fet?"

We have an account but never use it, we've never really taken the time to figure it out.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"Aren't we all on fet?

Nope

But then again I could be classed as a dimdom "
you arent the wishy washy type..so breathe again xx

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By *nowbodyyounoMan
over a year ago

Bristol


"As a wanna be sub very new to the whole scene anybody have any ideas as to where to start my research ???? Xx"

Joining Fetlife may go some way to assisting you here - certainly re getting out to meet people and perhaps attending to some local events, munches and so on. There are other sites too. In a nutshell the internet may answer the questions you have.

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