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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey all, I'm wondering if anyone has any advice to help me gain a little confidence. I'm fine in real life but finding it hard to actually message anyone on here. It doesn't help a good chunk of women in my area are after "big black cocks" or "muscular fit lads". I already know the odds are against me and this just reinforces that.
I was on adult friend finder last year and it was a disaster. I used to message loads of different people but I never got a reply. It definitely knocked my confidence.
I guess I'm asking for first message advice. I always read profiles and tailor messages to fit profiles, I ask questions and try to fit a witty comment in if I can. I find subject titles difficult, in real life I find "how's it going" a good ice breaker but it seems frowned upon here.
Any advice is welcome. Especially any pitfalls to avoid. 
"
Ok, the first thing I do on getting a message is look at the subject line. A reference to my profile is always helpful to catch my eye amongst all the 'hi's' etc. Great, somebody's read my profile and they can string a sentence together (or at least use a spellchecker).
So, before I look at the message, I open their profile, see whether their interests tally with mine. Get a cheeky look at their personality. I have my privacy settings to not show in the 'who's viewed me' so I know I can do this without alerting them. Now I like your photos; face shot and something a bit cheeky without being a cockshot. Makes me want to edge the boxers down a little more *grins*. I read your profile, you seem intelligent and genuine, a little self deprecating and a light vein of humour. All good so far.
Now, for me it would end with the interests as we're not into the same things. Nothing to do with you there, just not compatible in the bedroom which is absolutely fine. I'd be thinking of how to let you down gently before I returned to your message to me.
However, there'll be girls who do like it up to that point and then it comes to the message. From your profile, I don't think there's anything wrong with what you're putting out there. Be a little cheeky, confident and approachable and girls will respond, but not all girls and nowhere near all the time. A compliment in the first line probably helps as that is what we can see. Not saying everyone is as shallow as me but flattery works!
This is, unfortunately, a numbers game. For every guy sending out thirty/forty messages a day, there is a girl getting thirty/forty messages a day. Maybe she was tired and skipped over. Maybe someone else just caught her interest five minutes before you hit send. Maybe she probably would but she's really busy at the moment and then she takes the pasta off the boil, and her munchkin is screaming in the corner and by the time she's let the dog out and loaded the dishwasher, tidied the toys away, put the kids to bed and sat down to look at her inbox, she's had another six messages and yours is looking read like all the others below it.
You just don't know, but you have to have a thick skin. Nothing is a personal rejection. Just go for it and try not to lose faith. Talk a lot on the forums and people will get to know you |
