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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm just curious - looking into exploring D/s relationships and have done a lot of reading about it and find it facinating. I tried joining fetlife but they are not accepting new members - I get loads of messages from guys asking to be be subs, but most sound more like they want a spanking, pegging and a one night stand, with some exeptions.

My question is, how do you know when you click with someone that way? I'm obviously used to deciding who I'm interested in sleeping with but this feels a bit different. I'm curious what sort of questions you ask at the very start of speaking with someone? Or any kind of tips, sites to look at or articles to read would be very welcome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my experience the other elements of the 'relationship' came first, and once trust and familiarity was established (as well as the sexual chemistry) the d/s relationship started to develop.

My advice would be find someone you click with and feel comfortable with. I still have limited understanding of these relationships but one thing I have grasped is that these are very special and intricate relationships and shouldn't be rushed into. And one size certainly doesn't fit all.

Keep reading, learning, compile a list of things you'd be interested in trying, and park them up until the right person comes along.

Good luck OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hi.

i've been here over a year now, maybe 2 years, and not much longer on fetlife.

and the same as you i find most men want a service and are not willing to invest the time to build up any trust, this is on both sites. on fetlife many only want a virtual thing also (internet relationship).

my tip is go to local socials and munches to find genuine people willing to invest on you.

that's the only tip i have, sorry.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In my experience the other elements of the 'relationship' came first, and once trust and familiarity was established (as well as the sexual chemistry) the d/s relationship started to develop.

My advice would be find someone you click with and feel comfortable with. I still have limited understanding of these relationships but one thing I have grasped is that these are very special and intricate relationships and shouldn't be rushed into. And one size certainly doesn't fit all.

Keep reading, learning, compile a list of things you'd be interested in trying, and park them up until the right person comes along.

Good luck OP "

Awww thats actually super sweet, brilliant advice thanks hun! So you're thinking just knowing the person has sub tendencies, taking it slow and building up trust etc before exploring it? I do like the idea, definitely not looking for a boyfriend but a fwb that could develope into more exploring does sound good! Thanks for the reply xx

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

That's odd that FL isn't taking new members...

Anyway, I agree it can be a bit different to regular sex when it comes to finding someone compatible. Kink play might not even involve sex.

As to questions to ask, I usually like to know how long someone's been into kink, what kind of experiences they've had so far, what they enjoy/don't enjoy (or think they'd like to try if they're a beginner).

I think you can usually tell the fantasists from genuine folks just with those.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"hi.

i've been here over a year now, maybe 2 years, and not much longer on fetlife.

and the same as you i find most men want a service and are not willing to invest the time to build up any trust, this is on both sites. on fetlife many only want a virtual thing also (internet relationship).

my tip is go to local socials and munches to find genuine people willing to invest on you.

that's the only tip i have, sorry."

Thanks for that, good to know it's not just me and I think you're right on the club point! I've found a fetish night at a local club that I will try out and see if I can learn from there xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck on your new adventures, hope you find what your looking for. It's odd you can't join Fet.

X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've found that I need chemistry with the person first then other stuff comes later. I don't think it's always possible to figure out who would be sub. My best experiences were with a very assertive guy who loved me being his Mistress.

Guys on here seem to want to be sub because they are lazy and want the woman to do all the work, not because they are genuinely submissive.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/07/16 17:08:14]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In my experience the other elements of the 'relationship' came first, and once trust and familiarity was established (as well as the sexual chemistry) the d/s relationship started to develop.

My advice would be find someone you click with and feel comfortable with. I still have limited understanding of these relationships but one thing I have grasped is that these are very special and intricate relationships and shouldn't be rushed into. And one size certainly doesn't fit all.

Keep reading, learning, compile a list of things you'd be interested in trying, and park them up until the right person comes along.

Good luck OP

That's certainly the route I went down, completely unplanned, and ended up trying and enjoying things I'd never even imagined.

Hope you have the same good experiences xx

Awww thats actually super sweet, brilliant advice thanks hun! So you're thinking just knowing the person has sub tendencies, taking it slow and building up trust etc before exploring it? I do like the idea, definitely not looking for a boyfriend but a fwb that could develope into more exploring does sound good! Thanks for the reply xx"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We first discussed this before we even started living together and six years on we're still developing as a D/s relationship but that said, it's a facet of our love life rather than a full time thing

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That's odd that FL isn't taking new members...

Anyway, I agree it can be a bit different to regular sex when it comes to finding someone compatible. Kink play might not even involve sex.

As to questions to ask, I usually like to know how long someone's been into kink, what kind of experiences they've had so far, what they enjoy/don't enjoy (or think they'd like to try if they're a beginner).

I think you can usually tell the fantasists from genuine folks just with those."

Thanks for those suggestions - that's along the line I've been asking and getting a lot of "I like most things" and "I just want to be dominated and punised" but occasionally people that seem more invested than that. So you're probably right most of them are fantasies I guess.

And I'm starting to wonder if I was on the wrong fetlife page since everyone is so surprised - giving it another go! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As you're only in Stoke, go take a look at the Brum Bizarre too? Third Sunday of each month

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London


"That's odd that FL isn't taking new members...

Anyway, I agree it can be a bit different to regular sex when it comes to finding someone compatible. Kink play might not even involve sex.

As to questions to ask, I usually like to know how long someone's been into kink, what kind of experiences they've had so far, what they enjoy/don't enjoy (or think they'd like to try if they're a beginner).

I think you can usually tell the fantasists from genuine folks just with those.

Thanks for those suggestions - that's along the line I've been asking and getting a lot of "I like most things" and "I just want to be dominated and punised" but occasionally people that seem more invested than that. So you're probably right most of them are fantasies I guess.

And I'm starting to wonder if I was on the wrong fetlife page since everyone is so surprised - giving it another go! X"

Yeah, I think if people apparently don't really have a clue what they might be into then it's a bit of a red flag!

I've checked and FL is indeed not taking new members...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"As you're only in Stoke, go take a look at the Brum Bizarre too? Third Sunday of each month"

Oh cheers! I am in stoke, so that's easily commutable! And thanks for the advice above, I think it will be a journey and finding the right person might take some time but hopefully it will be worth it! X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That's odd that FL isn't taking new members...

Anyway, I agree it can be a bit different to regular sex when it comes to finding someone compatible. Kink play might not even involve sex.

As to questions to ask, I usually like to know how long someone's been into kink, what kind of experiences they've had so far, what they enjoy/don't enjoy (or think they'd like to try if they're a beginner).

I think you can usually tell the fantasists from genuine folks just with those.

Thanks for those suggestions - that's along the line I've been asking and getting a lot of "I like most things" and "I just want to be dominated and punised" but occasionally people that seem more invested than that. So you're probably right most of them are fantasies I guess.

And I'm starting to wonder if I was on the wrong fetlife page since everyone is so surprised - giving it another go! X

Yeah, I think if people apparently don't really have a clue what they might be into then it's a bit of a red flag!

I've checked and FL is indeed not taking new members..."

Just my luck! Haha I guess I'll go on a hunt for another similar page

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One more thing, not sure if you've come across any bdsm checklists when you've been reading stuff online but they're really useful for forming the basis of a d/s relationship, but also quite handy to give you some ideas of what you may or may not be interested in exploring. I was reading them and thinking 'oooooh Id never even thought of that' haha x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've found that I need chemistry with the person first then other stuff comes later. I don't think it's always possible to figure out who would be sub. My best experiences were with a very assertive guy who loved me being his Mistress.

Guys on here seem to want to be sub because they are lazy and want the woman to do all the work, not because they are genuinely submissive. "

Thats really interesting Ive not been looking at the assertive guys that way but I guess it could make for a really interesting dynamic.

And I agree alot of then just sound lazy and just want to talk dirty...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"One more thing, not sure if you've come across any bdsm checklists when you've been reading stuff online but they're really useful for forming the basis of a d/s relationship, but also quite handy to give you some ideas of what you may or may not be interested in exploring. I was reading them and thinking 'oooooh Id never even thought of that' haha x"

Oh thanks! Ill google them and see if I get any ideas! Found some very good articles and reddit posts from more female perspective with really hot ideas for play have seen a few check lists but could probably do with some more, thanks xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That's odd that FL isn't taking new members...

Anyway, I agree it can be a bit different to regular sex when it comes to finding someone compatible. Kink play might not even involve sex.

As to questions to ask, I usually like to know how long someone's been into kink, what kind of experiences they've had so far, what they enjoy/don't enjoy (or think they'd like to try if they're a beginner).

I think you can usually tell the fantasists from genuine folks just with those.

Thanks for those suggestions - that's along the line I've been asking and getting a lot of "I like most things" and "I just want to be dominated and punised" but occasionally people that seem more invested than that. So you're probably right most of them are fantasies I guess.

And I'm starting to wonder if I was on the wrong fetlife page since everyone is so surprised - giving it another go! X"

Master and I have developed some dynamic play, and a very deep understanding and are best friends and lovers. We've known each other many years, and I've been His slave for over three years. We've met many who are also into the scene, and they all have there own dynamics and strengths of play.

It really is a fact that all relationships even within the lifestyle are so very different.

Get to some clubs and events, and get to know what sort of things are of interest to you, work out on your "non negotiable" and then start chatting to some sub's and slaves to get an understanding of the time and effort you would have to devote.

Are you after a play partner with just BDSM in mind, or are you looking to go deeper.

Feel free to private message us at any point if you fancy chatting about some of the fun that can be enjoyed

slave v

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you wish, drop us a pm. I'm sure Cheryl would be happy to chat from the Domme aspect

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Master and I have developed some dynamic play, and a very deep understanding and are best friends and lovers. We've known each other many years, and I've been His slave for over three years. We've met many who are also into the scene, and they all have there own dynamics and strengths of play.

It really is a fact that all relationships even within the lifestyle are so very different.

Get to some clubs and events, and get to know what sort of things are of interest to you, work out on your "non negotiable" and then start chatting to some sub's and slaves to get an understanding of the time and effort you would have to devote.

Are you after a play partner with just BDSM in mind, or are you looking to go deeper.

Feel free to private message us at any point if you fancy chatting about some of the fun that can be enjoyed

slave v "

Ahh everyone's so helpful and friendly, I really do appreciate it! That's something I need to think about a bit more, I'd like a sub, not a slave I think and am not looking for a full on relationship only a play one. However play that can grow and develop, push bounderies, build trust and explore new things, not just spank random strangers lol if that makes sense. I'll definitely take you up on that and message soon xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you wish, drop us a pm. I'm sure Cheryl would be happy to chat from the Domme aspect"

Thanks would be very interesting to chat to a domme and get some pointers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/07/16 17:46:03]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a lively bdsm scene in Leeds. Two Saturday afternoon and one Thursday evening per month plus lots of socials/workshops. Visit an event and chat to people, watch the play and get a feel for the scene. I bet there is lots going on in your area too. I have found the bdsm crowd very friendly. M x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There is a lively bdsm scene in Leeds. Two Saturday afternoon and one Thursday evening per month plus lots of socials/workshops. Visit an event and chat to people, watch the play and get a feel for the scene. I bet there is lots going on in your area too. I have found the bdsm crowd very friendly. M x"

Thank you - ive found one local that I'm going to try out but may leeds is the place to be! I think you are right though, watching and learning from others is probably a very good starting point xx

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

I've been looking for a domme for ages n trust is d biggest issue in this relationship n it's not something to rush into . U have to take it slowely n build up a relationship n it has to b very strong .

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By *eppoMan
over a year ago

London Colney

Great thread young lady xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yes trust is definitely the number one thing! And thanks _eppo xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found my best d/s relationship was with someone I didn't find sexually attractive.

It was all about the dynamic then. My dommes voice was enough to make me jump and feel the butterflies of excitement.

It fell apart when she developed feelings for me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I found my best d/s relationship was with someone I didn't find sexually attractive.

It was all about the dynamic then. My dommes voice was enough to make me jump and feel the butterflies of excitement.

It fell apart when she developed feelings for me. "

That's a really really interesting perspective. Was it all power play then or sex as well? If you don't mind me asking xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Power, well impact and bondage play.

She used a dildo on me once for humiliation but it wasn't really my thing.

I just needed beating. Hard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In my experience the other elements of the 'relationship' came first, and once trust and familiarity was established (as well as the sexual chemistry) the d/s relationship started to develop.

My advice would be find someone you click with and feel comfortable with. I still have limited understanding of these relationships but one thing I have grasped is that these are very special and intricate relationships and shouldn't be rushed into. And one size certainly doesn't fit all.

Keep reading, learning, compile a list of things you'd be interested in trying, and park them up until the right person comes along.

Good luck OP "

I couldn't have put it better myself. It's not what you do that matters it is who you are doing it to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I needed a Domme who could push me beyond where I would otherwise have stopped.

I needed to be thinking ' oh god. What am I doing? ' as I was restrained. Knowing I'd probably be sobbing at the end.

She was amazing for a couple of years but once the feelings crept in she couldn't push me that far and I was unfulfilled.

Everyone has different needs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ahh thanks guys - I contacted fetlife and they said they were making site changes but would be accepting new members again in a week or two! Im very thankful for all the thoughtful advice you've given xx

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By *oBoysAllowedWoman
over a year ago

Solihull

I am a domme on the fet scene, feel free to send me a private message if you wish, I can point you in the right direction of clubs and some good reading etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The first question is 'what do you want out of it?'

If you don't know that all the reading in the world will not help.

Do you want control, sensation, obedience or other domme like activities.

Going to munches helps you meet people but l would suggest go to established play events and see what happens. Talk to the house dommes at events. Talk to established dommes with a reputation. If you switch try it out from the other side.

I really am not a believer in this deep trust business partially as l cannot work out whether l am service top or or scene dom. On monday l did a flogging scene with a woman l had never met before. How? She had a trusted friend supervise. I was then presented with 3 naked female arses in a row to florentine. Also l think the people who mention it do not play in public.

Personally l would suggest find out what you want to do and how to do it safely for you and the sub. Practise in a safe environment with a wannabe subs and see how you feel about it. Then look for the deep meaningful relationship. Because you are a woman you will have plenty of volunteers of both sexes with which to perfect your skill and craft.

There is fabulous fun out there to be had, dont be held back by the believers 'in the one true path'. Kink works for you and your playmates not the other way around. Practice personal responsibility informed conse

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The first question is 'what do you want out of it?'

If you don't know that all the reading in the world will not help.

Do you want control, sensation, obedience or other domme like activities.

Going to munches helps you meet people but l would suggest go to established play events and see what happens. Talk to the house dommes at events. Talk to established dommes with a reputation. If you switch try it out from the other side.

I really am not a believer in this deep trust business partially as l cannot work out whether l am service top or or scene dom. On monday l did a flogging scene with a woman l had never met before. How? She had a trusted friend supervise. I was then presented with 3 naked female arses in a row to florentine. Also l think the people who mention it do not play in public.

Personally l would suggest find out what you want to do and how to do it safely for you and the sub. Practise in a safe environment with a wannabe subs and see how you feel about it. Then look for the deep meaningful relationship. Because you are a woman you will have plenty of volunteers of both sexes with which to perfect your skill and craft.

There is fabulous fun out there to be had, dont be held back by the believers 'in the one true path'. Kink works for you and your playmates not the other way around. Practice personal responsibility informed conse"

Thank you for this it gives a very different insight. I think for me right now at lest, playing with strangers without a connection would not do anything for me. I like the idea of pushing and moving bounderies, someone who wants to submit completely and do everything I say, take every punishment or chore I give. Definitely the mental aspect rather than the actual beatings that get me off, although under the right circumstances they sound like fun too

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am a domme on the fet scene, feel free to send me a private message if you wish, I can point you in the right direction of clubs and some good reading etc. "

Thanks so much I will message you for sure xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In my experience the other elements of the 'relationship' came first, and once trust and familiarity was established (as well as the sexual chemistry) the d/s relationship started to develop.

My advice would be find someone you click with and feel comfortable with. I still have limited understanding of these relationships but one thing I have grasped is that these are very special and intricate relationships and shouldn't be rushed into. And one size certainly doesn't fit all.

Keep reading, learning, compile a list of things you'd be interested in trying, and park them up until the right person comes along.

Good luck OP

I couldn't have put it better myself. It's not what you do that matters it is who you are doing it to. "

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am submissive and I have a master. He is very rough and very firm with me which I crave. I have the ultimate trust in him. No other man can take me the way that he does and I would only allow him to spank me etc. I am not sub to any other couples that we meet with. I am his and he is mine.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am submissive and I have a master. He is very rough and very firm with me which I crave. I have the ultimate trust in him. No other man can take me the way that he does and I would only allow him to spank me etc. I am not sub to any other couples that we meet with. I am his and he is mine."

That sounds lovely are you also in a relationship or just a bdsm relationship if you don't mind me asking xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/07/16 21:20:08]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am submissive and I have a master. He is very rough and very firm with me which I crave. I have the ultimate trust in him. No other man can take me the way that he does and I would only allow him to spank me etc. I am not sub to any other couples that we meet with. I am his and he is mine.

That sounds lovely are you also in a relationship or just a bdsm relationship if you don't mind me asking xx"

We are in a relationship with each other. We met in January and I actually agreed to be his sub prior to meeting him!! Bdsm plays a big part in our relationship and we have previously had a couples profile but he closed it down when he broke up with me in June to go back to his ex vanilla gf. He only lasted 3 weeks without his sub, we are working on building trust again at the minute. We didnt use a safe word either, I completely trusted him and submitted to him fully and as my master he instinctively knew my limits.

Yes I know that I have a single profile but he is aware of this and since we started talking again, my profile has been hidden and I haven't met anyone and we will be setting up a couples profile. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks so much everyone and for the messages too, I really appriciate it and am very excited about exploring this kink further!

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By *eppoMan
over a year ago

London Colney

Hidden profile - spoilsport lol

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By *eppoMan
over a year ago

London Colney


"Yes trust is definitely the number one thing! And thanks _eppo xx"

Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Guys on here seem to want to be sub because they are lazy and want the woman to do all the work, not because they are genuinely submissive. "

It is not only the guys.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"I've found that I need chemistry with the person first then other stuff comes later. I don't think it's always possible to figure out who would be sub. My best experiences were with a very assertive guy who loved me being his Mistress.

Guys on here seem to want to be sub because they are lazy and want the woman to do all the work, not because they are genuinely submissive. "

Not all guys.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

there have been a couple of men i have been happy to Domme in a serious manner.

imo it comes from knowing yourself, what you know you like ( even vanilla style) and working out your Domming style

as mentioned before the topping book, screw the roses bring me thorns can expand your knowledge./ horizons..oh and reading stuff you also dont like doing, so you can eliminate it from your mind..sometimes this is just as useful, you can always explore later..get solid, hone your strengths so you can ooze confidence in those areas. gaining trust is so very important and its just as fragile with a guy as a woman..

as for how do i know..they come along, i know, by just chatting whether i can enhance their wellbeing with what ive got and what i can lead them to..but i don't advertise...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*off to find a copy of that book* hehe

Thanks Suzy x

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"*off to find a copy of that book* hehe

Thanks Suzy x"
welcome sweet xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"there have been a couple of men i have been happy to Domme in a serious manner.

imo it comes from knowing yourself, what you know you like ( even vanilla style) and working out your Domming style

as mentioned before the topping book, screw the roses bring me thorns can expand your knowledge./ horizons..oh and reading stuff you also dont like doing, so you can eliminate it from your mind..sometimes this is just as useful, you can always explore later..get solid, hone your strengths so you can ooze confidence in those areas. gaining trust is so very important and its just as fragile with a guy as a woman..

as for how do i know..they come along, i know, by just chatting whether i can enhance their wellbeing with what ive got and what i can lead them to..but i don't advertise..."

Right I'm buying that book! Brilliant advice thank you - I really apriciate it! Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm just curious - looking into exploring D/s relationships and have done a lot of reading about it and find it facinating. I tried joining fetlife but they are not accepting new members - I get loads of messages from guys asking to be be subs, but most sound more like they want a spanking, pegging and a one night stand, with some exeptions.

My question is, how do you know when you click with someone that way? I'm obviously used to deciding who I'm interested in sleeping with but this feels a bit different. I'm curious what sort of questions you ask at the very start of speaking with someone? Or any kind of tips, sites to look at or articles to read would be very welcome "

When you want to submit to a guy you just know.

There's no amount of questions you can ask.

I'm not submissive generally but I met someone who makes me want to give myself over to them.

I've searched for it since but not found it again.

You just know.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm just curious - looking into exploring D/s relationships and have done a lot of reading about it and find it facinating. I tried joining fetlife but they are not accepting new members - I get loads of messages from guys asking to be be subs, but most sound more like they want a spanking, pegging and a one night stand, with some exeptions.

My question is, how do you know when you click with someone that way? I'm obviously used to deciding who I'm interested in sleeping with but this feels a bit different. I'm curious what sort of questions you ask at the very start of speaking with someone? Or any kind of tips, sites to look at or articles to read would be very welcome

When you want to submit to a guy you just know.

There's no amount of questions you can ask.

I'm not submissive generally but I met someone who makes me want to give myself over to them.

I've searched for it since but not found it again.

You just know. "

That's an interesting point - thanks! X

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"there have been a couple of men i have been happy to Domme in a serious manner.

imo it comes from knowing yourself, what you know you like ( even vanilla style) and working out your Domming style

as mentioned before the topping book, screw the roses bring me thorns can expand your knowledge./ horizons..oh and reading stuff you also dont like doing, so you can eliminate it from your mind..sometimes this is just as useful, you can always explore later..get solid, hone your strengths so you can ooze confidence in those areas. gaining trust is so very important and its just as fragile with a guy as a woman..

as for how do i know..they come along, i know, by just chatting whether i can enhance their wellbeing with what ive got and what i can lead them to..but i don't advertise...

Right I'm buying that book! Brilliant advice thank you - I really apriciate it! Xx"
pdf, is your friend online x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"there have been a couple of men i have been happy to Domme in a serious manner.

imo it comes from knowing yourself, what you know you like ( even vanilla style) and working out your Domming style

as mentioned before the topping book, screw the roses bring me thorns can expand your knowledge./ horizons..oh and reading stuff you also dont like doing, so you can eliminate it from your mind..sometimes this is just as useful, you can always explore later..get solid, hone your strengths so you can ooze confidence in those areas. gaining trust is so very important and its just as fragile with a guy as a woman..

as for how do i know..they come along, i know, by just chatting whether i can enhance their wellbeing with what ive got and what i can lead them to..but i don't advertise...

Right I'm buying that book! Brilliant advice thank you - I really apriciate it! Xxpdf, is your friend online x"

Ahh youre a star - I've found it, theres my evening sorted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm just curious - looking into exploring D/s relationships and have done a lot of reading about it and find it facinating. I tried joining fetlife but they are not accepting new members - I get loads of messages from guys asking to be be subs, but most sound more like they want a spanking, pegging and a one night stand, with some exeptions.

My question is, how do you know when you click with someone that way? I'm obviously used to deciding who I'm interested in sleeping with but this feels a bit different. I'm curious what sort of questions you ask at the very start of speaking with someone? Or any kind of tips, sites to look at or articles to read would be very welcome "

Lucky bugger me has been a member on the site for a while.

The difference I find between swinging and submission is as follows..

Swinging - you make my panties sing

Bdsm - let's see if you can make my panties sing and tap my mind!

Be careful, there are lots of wannabes xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would be a dream to find a domme near me who isnt a pro domme

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm just curious - looking into exploring D/s relationships and have done a lot of reading about it and find it facinating. I tried joining fetlife but they are not accepting new members - I get loads of messages from guys asking to be be subs, but most sound more like they want a spanking, pegging and a one night stand, with some exeptions.

My question is, how do you know when you click with someone that way? I'm obviously used to deciding who I'm interested in sleeping with but this feels a bit different. I'm curious what sort of questions you ask at the very start of speaking with someone? Or any kind of tips, sites to look at or articles to read would be very welcome

Lucky bugger me has been a member on the site for a while.

The difference I find between swinging and submission is as follows..

Swinging - you make my panties sing

Bdsm - let's see if you can make my panties sing and tap my mind!

Be careful, there are lots of wannabes xx"

Hahaha that's a brilliant explanation! Yeah I've certainly got a lot of messages from wannabes not really wanting to sub, just to be beaten up really! But some very interesting messages as well and I think I've realised I want a deeper sub relationship, based on control - not punishment or just kink play! Hopefully I'll get there soon

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By *dam and slutCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

Didn't want to turn this into an advert for bdsm but on here there are some very respected people in our lifestyle. We scene we do not play.

4 people l have great respect for are..

Lady caroline of Townhouse on the wirral.

Dave the butcher who holds events at Partners In bolton

The Gob bless him at the unit in Blackpool

and last but not least, though l don't know her personally, sub lilac, l love the way she writes and answers questions with such honesty and experience. .all are on here..Fab

An event you maybe interested in is the BBB held in Birmingham. .good luck..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm just curious - looking into exploring D/s relationships and have done a lot of reading about it and find it facinating. I tried joining fetlife but they are not accepting new members - I get loads of messages from guys asking to be be subs, but most sound more like they want a spanking, pegging and a one night stand, with some exeptions.

My question is, how do you know when you click with someone that way? I'm obviously used to deciding who I'm interested in sleeping with but this feels a bit different. I'm curious what sort of questions you ask at the very start of speaking with someone? Or any kind of tips, sites to look at or articles to read would be very welcome

Lucky bugger me has been a member on the site for a while.

The difference I find between swinging and submission is as follows..

Swinging - you make my panties sing

Bdsm - let's see if you can make my panties sing and tap my mind!

Be careful, there are lots of wannabes xx

Hahaha that's a brilliant explanation! Yeah I've certainly got a lot of messages from wannabes not really wanting to sub, just to be beaten up really! But some very interesting messages as well and I think I've realised I want a deeper sub relationship, based on control - not punishment or just kink play! Hopefully I'll get there soon "

If you need a subbie friend you just inbox xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Didn't want to turn this into an advert for bdsm but on here there are some very respected people in our lifestyle. We scene we do not play.

4 people l have great respect for are..

Lady caroline of Townhouse on the wirral.

Dave the butcher who holds events at Partners In bolton

The Gob bless him at the unit in Blackpool

and last but not least, though l don't know her personally, sub lilac, l love the way she writes and answers questions with such honesty and experience. .all are on here..Fab

An event you maybe interested in is the BBB held in Birmingham. .good luck.."

Thank you - I will certainly keep an eye out for them and possibly make contact and ask for advice! X

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"there have been a couple of men i have been happy to Domme in a serious manner.

imo it comes from knowing yourself, what you know you like ( even vanilla style) and working out your Domming style

as mentioned before the topping book, screw the roses bring me thorns can expand your knowledge./ horizons..oh and reading stuff you also dont like doing, so you can eliminate it from your mind..sometimes this is just as useful, you can always explore later..get solid, hone your strengths so you can ooze confidence in those areas. gaining trust is so very important and its just as fragile with a guy as a woman..

as for how do i know..they come along, i know, by just chatting whether i can enhance their wellbeing with what ive got and what i can lead them to..but i don't advertise...

Right I'm buying that book! Brilliant advice thank you - I really apriciate it! Xxpdf, is your friend online x

Ahh youre a star - I've found it, theres my evening sorted "
did you enjoy? x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"there have been a couple of men i have been happy to Domme in a serious manner.

imo it comes from knowing yourself, what you know you like ( even vanilla style) and working out your Domming style

as mentioned before the topping book, screw the roses bring me thorns can expand your knowledge./ horizons..oh and reading stuff you also dont like doing, so you can eliminate it from your mind..sometimes this is just as useful, you can always explore later..get solid, hone your strengths so you can ooze confidence in those areas. gaining trust is so very important and its just as fragile with a guy as a woman..

as for how do i know..they come along, i know, by just chatting whether i can enhance their wellbeing with what ive got and what i can lead them to..but i don't advertise...

Right I'm buying that book! Brilliant advice thank you - I really apriciate it! Xxpdf, is your friend online x

Ahh youre a star - I've found it, theres my evening sorted did you enjoy? x"

I've not quite finished it but am LOVING it! Its written in such a funny and clever way, some things were clearer even just from the first few pages! Still on it though, thanks again for the recommendation x

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"there have been a couple of men i have been happy to Domme in a serious manner.

imo it comes from knowing yourself, what you know you like ( even vanilla style) and working out your Domming style

as mentioned before the topping book, screw the roses bring me thorns can expand your knowledge./ horizons..oh and reading stuff you also dont like doing, so you can eliminate it from your mind..sometimes this is just as useful, you can always explore later..get solid, hone your strengths so you can ooze confidence in those areas. gaining trust is so very important and its just as fragile with a guy as a woman..

as for how do i know..they come along, i know, by just chatting whether i can enhance their wellbeing with what ive got and what i can lead them to..but i don't advertise...

Right I'm buying that book! Brilliant advice thank you - I really apriciate it! Xxpdf, is your friend online x

Ahh youre a star - I've found it, theres my evening sorted did you enjoy? x

I've not quite finished it but am LOVING it! Its written in such a funny and clever way, some things were clearer even just from the first few pages! Still on it though, thanks again for the recommendation x"
more than welcome x hope you keep me/ us informed of how you get on xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"there have been a couple of men i have been happy to Domme in a serious manner.

imo it comes from knowing yourself, what you know you like ( even vanilla style) and working out your Domming style

as mentioned before the topping book, screw the roses bring me thorns can expand your knowledge./ horizons..oh and reading stuff you also dont like doing, so you can eliminate it from your mind..sometimes this is just as useful, you can always explore later..get solid, hone your strengths so you can ooze confidence in those areas. gaining trust is so very important and its just as fragile with a guy as a woman..

as for how do i know..they come along, i know, by just chatting whether i can enhance their wellbeing with what ive got and what i can lead them to..but i don't advertise...

Right I'm buying that book! Brilliant advice thank you - I really apriciate it! Xxpdf, is your friend online x

Ahh youre a star - I've found it, theres my evening sorted did you enjoy? x

I've not quite finished it but am LOVING it! Its written in such a funny and clever way, some things were clearer even just from the first few pages! Still on it though, thanks again for the recommendation xmore than welcome x hope you keep me/ us informed of how you get on xx"

I will do! xx

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By *addyandbabyCouple
over a year ago

Bideford


"That's odd that FL isn't taking new members...

Anyway, I agree it can be a bit different to regular sex when it comes to finding someone compatible. Kink play might not even involve sex.

As to questions to ask, I usually like to know how long someone's been into kink, what kind of experiences they've had so far, what they enjoy/don't enjoy (or think they'd like to try if they're a beginner).

I think you can usually tell the fantasists from genuine folks just with those.

Thanks for those suggestions - that's along the line I've been asking and getting a lot of "I like most things" and "I just want to be dominated and punised" but occasionally people that seem more invested than that. So you're probably right most of them are fantasies I guess.

And I'm starting to wonder if I was on the wrong fetlife page since everyone is so surprised - giving it another go! X

Yeah, I think if people apparently don't really have a clue what they might be into then it's a bit of a red flag!

I've checked and FL is indeed not taking new members...

Just my luck! Haha I guess I'll go on a hunt for another similar page "

FL isn't taking on new members at the moment but it is only a tempory thing, not sure for how long but apparently there will be and invite only system in place for a while before its fully opened up properly again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would love to establish a domme sub relationship. I'm looking to commit to someone for long period of time.

Anyone want to know more about me and my limits?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That's odd that FL isn't taking new members...

Anyway, I agree it can be a bit different to regular sex when it comes to finding someone compatible. Kink play might not even involve sex.

As to questions to ask, I usually like to know how long someone's been into kink, what kind of experiences they've had so far, what they enjoy/don't enjoy (or think they'd like to try if they're a beginner).

I think you can usually tell the fantasists from genuine folks just with those.

Thanks for those suggestions - that's along the line I've been asking and getting a lot of "I like most things" and "I just want to be dominated and punised" but occasionally people that seem more invested than that. So you're probably right most of them are fantasies I guess.

And I'm starting to wonder if I was on the wrong fetlife page since everyone is so surprised - giving it another go! X

Yeah, I think if people apparently don't really have a clue what they might be into then it's a bit of a red flag!

I've checked and FL is indeed not taking new members...

Just my luck! Haha I guess I'll go on a hunt for another similar page

FL isn't taking on new members at the moment but it is only a tempory thing, not sure for how long but apparently there will be and invite only system in place for a while before its fully opened up properly again."

Oh thanks for that! Ill keep an eye out for it and look for someone who can invite me xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I would love to establish a domme sub relationship. I'm looking to commit to someone for long period of time.

Anyone want to know more about me and my limits?"

Sorry you're too far for me but I hope you find what you're looking for x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

this is what i have been thinking for a while. submit and test the things that i do and not enjoy you can only learn more but trusting that person fully.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"That's odd that FL isn't taking new members...

Anyway, I agree it can be a bit different to regular sex when it comes to finding someone compatible. Kink play might not even involve sex.

As to questions to ask, I usually like to know how long someone's been into kink, what kind of experiences they've had so far, what they enjoy/don't enjoy (or think they'd like to try if they're a beginner).

I think you can usually tell the fantasists from genuine folks just with those.

Thanks for those suggestions - that's along the line I've been asking and getting a lot of "I like most things" and "I just want to be dominated and punised" but occasionally people that seem more invested than that. So you're probably right most of them are fantasies I guess.

And I'm starting to wonder if I was on the wrong fetlife page since everyone is so surprised - giving it another go! X

Yeah, I think if people apparently don't really have a clue what they might be into then it's a bit of a red flag!

I've checked and FL is indeed not taking new members...

Just my luck! Haha I guess I'll go on a hunt for another similar page

FL isn't taking on new members at the moment but it is only a tempory thing, not sure for how long but apparently there will be and invite only system in place for a while before its fully opened up properly again.

Oh thanks for that! Ill keep an eye out for it and look for someone who can invite me xx"
dont know what system they will have in place, but if i can help at all you can find me on forums or send me a wink..ill remember who you are xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That's odd that FL isn't taking new members...

Anyway, I agree it can be a bit different to regular sex when it comes to finding someone compatible. Kink play might not even involve sex.

As to questions to ask, I usually like to know how long someone's been into kink, what kind of experiences they've had so far, what they enjoy/don't enjoy (or think they'd like to try if they're a beginner).

I think you can usually tell the fantasists from genuine folks just with those.

Thanks for those suggestions - that's along the line I've been asking and getting a lot of "I like most things" and "I just want to be dominated and punised" but occasionally people that seem more invested than that. So you're probably right most of them are fantasies I guess.

And I'm starting to wonder if I was on the wrong fetlife page since everyone is so surprised - giving it another go! X

Yeah, I think if people apparently don't really have a clue what they might be into then it's a bit of a red flag!

I've checked and FL is indeed not taking new members...

Just my luck! Haha I guess I'll go on a hunt for another similar page

FL isn't taking on new members at the moment but it is only a tempory thing, not sure for how long but apparently there will be and invite only system in place for a while before its fully opened up properly again.

Oh thanks for that! Ill keep an eye out for it and look for someone who can invite me xxdont know what system they will have in place, but if i can help at all you can find me on forums or send me a wink..ill remember who you are xx"

aww thanks hun! I really apriciate it! And thanks for all your help, I will definitely be keeping in touch xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i had a mistress for about 4 years,the first time i met was for a social before the play with 2 other guys , half way through the social she asked me outside and said i was not invited back,i said no probs after a kiss i left , my actions there showed her i was hers to control and so started a lovely relationship. accepting roles is almost always nonsexual for a good partnership

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry last post didn't get to the point!

no sex to start, get to know behaviors and feelings before moving onto play

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"sorry last post didn't get to the point!

no sex to start, get to know behaviors and feelings before moving onto play "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"sorry last post didn't get to the point!

no sex to start, get to know behaviors and feelings before moving onto play "

Thank you that's very insightful and helpful x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There can't be enough non-pro dommes if you ask me...the other unicorn!

Good luck with your journey!

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By *addyandbabyCouple
over a year ago

Bideford


"That's odd that FL isn't taking new members...

Anyway, I agree it can be a bit different to regular sex when it comes to finding someone compatible. Kink play might not even involve sex.

As to questions to ask, I usually like to know how long someone's been into kink, what kind of experiences they've had so far, what they enjoy/don't enjoy (or think they'd like to try if they're a beginner).

I think you can usually tell the fantasists from genuine folks just with those.

Thanks for those suggestions - that's along the line I've been asking and getting a lot of "I like most things" and "I just want to be dominated and punised" but occasionally people that seem more invested than that. So you're probably right most of them are fantasies I guess.

And I'm starting to wonder if I was on the wrong fetlife page since everyone is so surprised - giving it another go! X

Yeah, I think if people apparently don't really have a clue what they might be into then it's a bit of a red flag!

I've checked and FL is indeed not taking new members...

Just my luck! Haha I guess I'll go on a hunt for another similar page

FL isn't taking on new members at the moment but it is only a tempory thing, not sure for how long but apparently there will be and invite only system in place for a while before its fully opened up properly again."

Yes FL is invite only at the mo. Paid members get a certain amount of invites that they can use to invite their friends to join. Not sure how long this will last, most of us want it to go back to anyone can join. But we have no idea at the mo how long it will be invite only.

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