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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Over the past few weeks I've had the opportunity to express my opinions on love, swinging and kink, way more than once, and usually it's when asked about the relationship I have with my partner (also a fab member).
Now do bear with me if you've read the title and think this post is about doubts about threesomes. You see I'd like to explain my thoughts a little more openly and hopefully in doing so not only help those who suffer from occasional streaks of minor to destructive jealousy; but also set out an RFC, a "request for comments" for 'your' thoughts. Do you agree? Do you not agree? And why?
Now the conversation usually starts in ernest with something like: "Oh we never knew you played separately..."
Well yes, we do play separately. Or at least speaking on behalf of myself, I'm happy for her to play on her own with very special couples or singles.
I rarely play and for many different reasons, one of which is time. (I'm a self confessed workaholic, something I'm in a constant battle with myself over... but I digress.)
Like a lot of couples we lookout for the right single lady or other couple to enjoy new experiences with. What I'm talking here is mutually fulfilling and fun for 'all' parties.
Okay, but what's this got to do with playing separately?
Think about it this way if I were to not allow another gentleman to play with her (to her limits) as part of a couple - or even let him watch in some way - whilst I'm not there, then she and the special people would all end up missing out on an amazing experience.
Some of you (okay a LOT of you) may be thinking: "but I would be missing out. Why does my partner get all the fun and I don't? I'm okay with a threesome so long as it's me my partner and another girl. What if I'm constantly thinking about how the other person/s performed and feel shit about myself? What if I get jealous or they leave me?"
I'll be honest, as far as jealousy is concerned I do on rare occasions have my own body issues and my own self doubt about my skills and abilities, and they're largely unnecessary concerns so I've been told, my verifications certainly speak for themselves. Our relationship however is based on more than just sex though, it's more than just play, or meals out, or any other activity come to that... it's based on the concatenation of "all" of those things.
No one else gets all of that, play time or no play time.
It's that fact which balances out the jealousy. It gives me something unique and special that no one else is privy to.
She's my soul mate and my best friend, and I'm happy she can take opportunities to share in something fulfilling for all where they arrise. Then, after that fact - and speaking selfishly - I'm the one who she 'chooses' to share her 'entire' life with. Her actions in sharing 'all' of her life with me is the ultimate act of submission, she chooses to give that. I'm not forcing her to stay, or forcing her to limit her experiences? So I really can't be jealous of anyone, you know? We win every time we're together, whatever we're doing.
Now I'm no mug, far from it. Our relationship is about making and prioritising 'our' time, as well as taking an adult approach to communication and problem solving. The D/s dynamic works well here, it gives us a structured way of using our respective personality traits to communicate without judgement or being irreparably destructive.
If I were to prioritise time with someone else, make decisions without notification (or discussion) which may impact her directly then I must accept that she as a human being has every right to be pissed (what we do about that is a different conversation). But that works visa versa... and as a fellow human I'm of the belief that life is to short NOT to show "ubuntu" (for those of you that aren't familiar "ubuntu", as well as being an operating system, is an idea from Southern Africa which literally means "human-ness", and is often used in a more philosophical sense to mean "the belief in a universal bond of sharing that connects all humanity".)
Going back for a moment, even though she has the freedom to choose who she does and doesn't play with alone, we're still interested in sharing something special with the right single lady or couple (girl girl only, or otherwise).
You see I'm interested in the same way a lot of you are interested. I would be a liar if I said that I wouldn't want to be part of the fun experiences she might have without me, but that's no reason to deny those special people or her that opportunity when I'm not around or in the instance that the couple's relationship does not cater for inviting another man in... and as the British say "it's not cricket".
I don't normally write online, much preferring to stick to my photography, so I hope this makes sense even if it's only in a small way. Either way, please do let me know what you think, or if you have something to add comment below.
We're only human after all.
Safe and happy swinging  |
