FabSwingers.com forum: Sex, oral, condoms & health

By *olphinmoon OP Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff & Edinburgh

I have been writing this post in my mind for well over a month. The one thing about swinging that freaks me out is the chance of contracting an STD (or STI as some places are trying to convert the terminology.) It’s nice in a marriage to know that you and your partner are disease free and will stay that way as long as neither of you have an extra-marital affair. Once you start inviting people into your bed, you are putting yourself at risk. When we started looking into swinging we did a lot of research on STDs and transmission risks.

From talking to other swingers and reading on message boards, it seems the vast majority use no protection for oral sex, though many do seem to use condoms for vaginal or anal sex. There is of course the group that always ride bareback.

I understand that a lot of it comes down to trusting your partner and that they are clean. It is important for people in this lifestyle to get tested for STDs frequently, unfortunately not all do. People also forget that some of these infections have an incubation period of up to 6 months. Which means you can be exposed, test negative, but still pass the infection on unknowingly.

So you have chosen a single or couple to play with and feel they are relatively low risk for carrying an infection based on the talk you have. Now were do you go with the safer sex practices? Of course sex is more fun and feels better without barriers, that’s how we were made to do it! I get it, condoms suck for (most) guys. Some can’t stay hard with one on, others can’t cum, and some rare ones actually like them because they are able to last longer. I can also imagine it’s no picnic to go down on a girl with her pussy covered in saran wrap. And lets face it, most of us enjoy tasting each others sexual fluids. Giving a BJ with a condom on is not quite as fun for either person and the lubes taste nasty. There are flavored condoms that aren’t too bad, but the flavoring comes off quickly and you are left sucking on flavorless latex…kinda like having a balloon in your mouth.

Now where am I going with all of this, well I would much rather give a BJ without a barrier. I also love the feel of bareback sex, sometimes a condom can be too distracting for me. I love cum – let me repeat that- I LOVE cum. I love tasting precum while I’m give a blow-job, it is a signal to me that I’m doing something right. I also love the taste of cum, most of the time at least….remember guys you are what you eat and steak and beer makes your cum taste awful! On a side note, if you want to make sure it tastes really good, eat pineapple. I am also a big fan of cream-pies. I love the feel of a cock throbbing in me and the warm feeling of his cum filling me. I also enjoy feeling it leak out. If this was a perfect world and STDs didn’t exist…Hell Ya Bareback all the way! But that is not the case and we need to figure out where we stand.

By looking at the chart we are exposed to pretty much the same stuff giving oral sex to a man as I am having vaginal intercourse unprotected. I really don’t want to use condoms for oral. In my mind I keep thinking, “well, if you don’t use condoms for oral just take him bare in your pussy too.” I’m just so confused. I’m not sure what our play rules should be.

So what is a girl (or guy) to do? What are your thoughts on this? What are your safer sex rules?

And more importantly how often should we all get tested? We go every 4-6 months is this over the top of too little.

Thoughts please even though I know it's a very personal subject.

Lots of love

Mrs Dolphinmoon

Xxxx

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By *J StathamMan
over a year ago

Manchester

(Guys: skip to paragraph 5)

I personally think it depends on how much you play to how frequently you should have a check.

Im not the biggest fan of condoms but im a massive fan of safety so would wear one unless it was a regular in terms of vaginal sex

But when it comes to oral sex as far as i was educated, STIs can only transmitted if the giver has a cut in there mouth (please excuse my ignorance if i happen to have been misinforemed

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look after yourself and sexual well being only safe sex is no sex

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By *otblondewife hornyMrCouple
over a year ago

Cambuslang

Have up.after a couple o paragraphs. Yes oral carries a small risk. So does crossing the road...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't meet often and always get tested when I do . Think I'm just mega paranoid

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

"I don't meet often and always get tested when I do . Think I'm just mega paranoid "

I'm paranoid too and get tested routinely every 12 weeks regardless.

OP, no one can reassure you. You just have to make your own decision based the risk you're prepared to take. I understand how you feel though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get tested as well ,even thou condoms are a must

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can catch an Std orally i had this conversation with my Gp.

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By *herryhott1Man
over a year ago

Cork

Fair play OP for getting it all out there.

Few things:

1/ I'm always amazed how unpopular topics like this are on here. Many of us struggle with being able to take the good with the bad and prepare to face potential consequences.

2/ it's easy to get wrapped up in the moment on a meet. Decide in your own mind what your limits are and let the other(s) know very clearly and beforehand so everyone is on the same page. Even tho you love oral maybe a hand job is enough and then protected penetrative sex for example. Stick to your guns then, don't worry if anyone thinks ur a prude... ONCE YOU'VE GOT THE ITCH LIFES A BITCH

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By *errysMan
over a year ago

milton keynes and kent

You said you did research.

go to your local gum clinic, they have the facts, the internet is full of the answers you want to hear. I hope this helps you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get tested once a month and use condoms for oral just to be on the safe side. I'm awaiting dental work for a broken filling and std and sti infections can be passed through oral if you have any exposed root, the inside of a tooth exposed or any cuts and scrapes on the inside of your cheek so just for my protection and theirs I'm wrapping for bjs too ?? Once my tooth has been fixed then I'll have to decided whether to stick with this practise or change it. Just my own personal choice, not implying everyone should wrap

your body, your choice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An interesting post from the op .

We are probably the most promiscuous swingers on here , meeting 3 times a week and often multiple meets each time .

So we get tested every six weeks , have had the hep jabs and top ups etc....

We are totally honest and upfront at the clinic , and this helps as oral swabs are done every time , as well as useful advice .

We only use condoms for full penetrative sex , and won't do anal with meets .

Unprotected oral on meets , and unprotected everything with each other .

And despite the volume and frequency of meets we have never had an sti .

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By *enniEssexTV/TS
over a year ago

Thurrock area

I always use condoms on meets for vaginal and anal sex. No questions asked about that.

However you can still catch a sti through oral sex. Trust me on that. Seems someone from this site gave me one. Lucky all clean now after going to the gum clinic and getting tested. No symptoms were shown either.

Yes for a woman you can suck a guy off with a condom on. Not great but hey. As for a man giving oral to woman. Thats a bit difficult as there is really noway of doing it apart from not doing it.

Now on I always be as safe as I can either no oral unless they are clean and prove it. Any kind of penetration is done with condoms.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

In answer to your question OP, you are exposed to the same diseases during oral, but a much lower risk level because of many factors; for instance ejaculate stays in a vagina much longer than the mouth and does not have acid saliva acting as an anti-microbial.

You also have to take into account how 'high risk' your nsa partner is - how many partners they have, and whether the type of sex they engage in is high or low risk. You can go mad trying to work it all out, and people do not always tell the truth anyway!

It is reassuring to hear of some people being very active and never having a problem, but then other people who were much less so sometimes got a nasty surprise. The only safe sex is no sex they say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

this forum would benefit from a sexual health professional . I'm surprised ....they aint one on here .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get tested every 3 months. Hubby every 6 months. M x

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

I was talking to friend about this very same thing lol it is mad trying to make sense of it like you say condom during intercourse but not much thought is given into oral why is tha?t so people say the risk is lower is that the point it's still a risk. I can't get my head round it maybe we should all stop having sex with random people lol cause as many have said people lie so you can ask as many questions as you like meet as many times as you like but really we will never know the true person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

.... maybe we should all stop having sex with random people lol cause as many have said people lie so you can ask as many questions as you like meet as many times as you like but really we will never know the true person. "

They may be telling the truth, but the person they had sex with before you, might not have done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I go every 4-6 weeks. I never use a condom for oral.. would rather turn celibate than use condoms for oral.

im aware of the risks and so far not caught anything. Ill continue to play how I feel safe.. and use condoms for full sex unless with a partner and oral I'll take my chances

I wouldn't want to only get tested any less than i do. And always ask for throat swabs too..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once every six months is not OTTAWA for STI testing. Every three here.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OTT....bloody auto complete!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get tested every 3 months. Hubby every 6 months. M x

Why the difference?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An interesting thread...

Personally I wouldn't want to suck a cock through a condom, I don't like the rubber feel, and I can't taste the meat I'm playing with

As for any other sexual act, it's cover up for me, I know there are risks with oral, but where's the enjoyment if you don't get the full affect?

If we want to fuck anyone, then Mrs M is the same as me, condom on or no entry.

Some valid points on the topic though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had this conversation with a doctor and you can contact an STD from oral cut in the mouth or not ,the most common being Chlamydia,this STD can stay dominant for weeks most dont even know they have it,Chlamydia is transmitted through sexual contact with the penis ,vagina,mouth,or anus of an infected partner.Chlamydia is known as a silent infection.You can also contact conjunctivitis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Had this conversation with a doctor and you can contact an STD from oral cut in the mouth or not ,the most common being Chlamydia,this STD can stay dominant for weeks most dont even know they have it,Chlamydia is transmitted through sexual contact with the penis ,vagina,mouth,or anus of an infected partner.Chlamydia is known as a silent infection.You can also contact conjunctivitis. "

It is a risky business and we all have a level at which we take those risks. I won't do oral on a condom. TBH, if I don't like the look of a cock enough to suck it without a condom, then I don't want it in me, condom or no condom, if that makes sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always use the excuse of going down on a guy to check him out....up close and personal, I can get a view/whiff of what is on offer and then do a runner if it is not up to standard!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always use the excuse of going down on a guy to check him out....up close and personal, I can get a view/whiff of what is on offer and then do a runner if it is not up to standard!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a scary thread and I've recently discovered everybody lies about their previous partners ??

A x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a scary thread and I've recently discovered everybody lies about their previous partners ??

A x "

We don't lie , we just lost track after the first 500

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im the war years when the American soldiers were here ,it was syphilis ,its not as common these days as other STDs ,Syphilis is known as the great pretender as symptoms go in stages that can last for weeks,years,if left untreated it can cause dementia ,gradual blindness and eventually death ,i was running a nursing home a few years ago and we had a couple of elderly people that eventually died from it,I'm very sorry to sound morbid but its the truth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a scary thread and I've recently discovered everybody lies about their previous partners ??

A x

We don't lie , we just lost track after the first 500

Think that could be it as he has had a few lol x

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By *ait88Man
over a year ago

Plymouth

"In answer to your question OP, you are exposed to the same diseases during oral, but a much lower risk level because of many factors; for instance ejaculate stays in a vagina much longer than the mouth and does not have acid saliva acting as an anti-microbial.

Utter nonsense. Please state the source of this rubbish. Nobody knows the number of different species of biota resident in either place let alone the quantity of each species. But it’s in the thousands, and everyone is different. According to the people in my local STI clinic, the risk is about the same for oral and penetrative sex.

“We’ve had unprotected sex with other couples for 100 years and never had an STI.” Most people who die have never died before. It’s all down to luck and time. The people who have spread STIs far and wide will not be posting to this thread!

The NHS HIV test doesn't look for the virus. It looks for the antibodies that we make to fight the virus. To be sure that we have made enough antibodies to find, the test has to be done at least four weeks after the risk was taken. It takes about two weeks to arrange for a test and receive the result. So a negative test result means that you were uninfected SIX WEEKS AGO. If you took a risk during the six weeks, you could have been infected yourself, and/or passed on the infection to the other person. Typhoid Mary.

My policy is:

Protected penetrative

Unprotected oral giving

She decides oral receiving

Test after taking a risk

No playing until after I receive

the negative test result.

This means that I can only "play" a maximum of eight times each year (52 weeks divided by 6-week test period).

People who are tested "regularly" spread STIs because the tests only show their infection status as it was at least four weeks ago.

A pill called "Truvada" can be used as an HIV prophylactic. It kills the virus on entry, before it can establish itself in niches. I take one on the night before the risk, one on the risk night, and one on the night after. The politicians have refused to let the NHS doctors prescribe it, and last time I looked, they cost over £400 for 30 on-line. I buy mine from licensed pharmacists in Bangkok for about £70 for 30 tablets. The drug companies charge less in undeveloped countries and more in developed countries.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *VBethTV/TS
over a year ago

Chester

I get tested every 2 months or so and use condoms. I do my best to be safe without being sex-free. Handily Hampshire NHS post me a home testing kit and also free condoms which is a great service. I used to hate sitting waiting my turn at the drop in clinic.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Nonsense, you misheard or misunderstood, I'll find some references later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is fantastic news. Everyone on fabs gets tested every few months despite using condoms on every occasion. They also have special skills which the nhs may be interested as they can sniff out diseases from a cock length away. I can keep having bareback sex with you all before Cumming in your mouth in the safe knowledge that I won't be catching anything nasty. Keep up the good work.

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By *exy-SirenWoman
over a year ago

Fareham

Safe sex does not protect against stds such as herpes, it is transferable invisibly through skin that condoms don't cover. Also ppl who get cold sores can transfer herpes to face and genitals through skin shedding cells, also invisible. You can have it without knowing you have it or without ever having an outbreak. I tell the kids at the clinic all the time that they cannot protect from it even with condoms but I swear they don't listen, it is invisible and it is not curable. Take care out there.

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By *exy-SirenWoman
over a year ago

Fareham

Herpes is invisible , as I just posted, so good luck with that, and facial cold sores even in their non outbreak state are the most infectious of the strains so no no one is safe. Pop In to one of the clinics and have an in depth chat, i don't even know how I do my job and stay on here it's scary!

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

A couple of refs:

http://www.bashh.org/BASHH/Public_and_Patient_Information/Safer_Sex_Advice/BASHH/Public___patient_information/Safer_Sex_Advice.aspx?hkey=e0954253-ba70-4b4b-aff4-69623e3c3831

That's the British Association for Sexual Health and HIV

"Herpes, warts, gonorrhoea, chlamydia, syphilis, HIV, hepatitis B and, possibly, other infections can be transmitted through oral sex.

For most infections (except herpes), the risk of catching an infection is greater for the oral partner (the one giving oral sex).

Most people do not use protection (condoms or dental dams) for oral sex.

The risk of catching an STI through unprotected oral sex is lower than for unprotected vaginal or anal sex, but is not zero."

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2840968/

Journal of Global Infectious Disease. 2010 Jan-Apr; 2(1): 57–62.

Oral Sex, Oral Health and Orogenital Infections

"The potential for transmission of HIV by saliva is low, probably due to the low levels of infectious virus and potential HIV inactivating agent(s) in saliva.[21]............."

"However, although the risk of STD transmission is far greater during vaginal and anal sex than during oral sex, the increasing practice of oral sex, low rates of barrier method use and the finding that first oral sex often occurs prior to first vaginal or anal sex will help increase the relative importance of oral sex as a mode of transmission for genital pathogens.[13,16,20] HIV, other STDs can be transmitted through oral sex with an infected partner examples of these STDs include HIV, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, genital warts (HPV), intestinal parasites and hepatitis."

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

[Removed by poster at 26/06/16 01:10:40]

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Sorry don't know why that posted wierd but if you quote as if to reply you can read it all properly.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Last try without the long link:

The British Association for Sexual Health and HIV

"The risk of catching an STI through unprotected oral sex is lower than for unprotected vaginal or anal sex, but is not zero."

Journal of Global Infectious Disease. 2010 Jan-Apr; 2(1): 57–62.

Oral Sex, Oral Health and Orogenital Infections

"The potential for transmission of HIV by saliva is low, probably due to the low levels of infectious virus and potential HIV inactivating agent(s) in saliva.[21]............."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ffs this isn't a bridge club here. We all know the risks. Stop over analysing everything we are all going to die one day. I wouldn't leave my house if I did a risk assessment on everything I do every day. In fact my house is looking quite dangerous too...can I smell gas?

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Ffs this isn't a bridge club here. We all know the risks. "

Apparently not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ffs this isn't a bridge club here. We all know the risks.

Apparently not."
we can't educate everyone it's not our job. You can't expect everyone to perform oral with protection especially men on women. There is an element of pot luck if we swing the same as for those that participate in adrenalin sports as I do. You just have to ascertain which level of risk and consequence you are prepared to take. Anyway...it's stopped raining I see

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Ffs this isn't a bridge club here. We all know the risks.

Apparently not. we can't educate everyone it's not our job. "

Not trying to educate everyone - I just answered the OP and someone disputed the facts I gave - can't have that

I agree, I ride dangerous horses on even more dangerous roads - I could die tomorrow.

And I agree you need to 'ascertain the level of risk you are prepared to take'.....so how the hell are you going to do that unless you understand the levels of risk involved?? That's all I am saying - make your own decision, but base it on some fact!

If you decide you wanna bareback your way through the site and take the risk, fine, as long as those you meet know. I am one of the people that tries to moderate the risks I take, that's all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always use condoms on meets for vaginal and anal sex. No questions asked about that.

Yes for a woman you can suck a guy off with a condom on. Not great but hey. As for a man giving oral to woman. Thats a bit difficult as there is really noway of doing it apart from not doing it.

Now on I always be as safe as I can either no oral unless they are clean and prove it. Any kind of penetration is done with condoms. "

Great to see your honesty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're more at risk of getting a STD orally if you floss your teeth before a meet, or have an ulcer or any type of small cut in the mouth.

I will occasionally use a condom for oral, but it has to be latex free. Other times I don't. I'm aware of the risks I take.

When active swinging, I'll get checked every 6 to 8 weeks. I won't play for 2 weeks before I go to the clinic. I get the full works, blood tests, anal and vaginal swabs and throat swabs.

I get the nurse to inspect me for warts and have had my hep B jab and boosters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ffs this isn't a bridge club here. We all know the risks.

Apparently not. we can't educate everyone it's not our job.

Not trying to educate everyone - I just answered the OP and someone disputed the facts I gave - can't have that

I agree, I ride dangerous horses on even more dangerous roads - I could die tomorrow.

If you decide you wanna bareback your way through the site and take the risk, fine, as long as those you meet know. I am one of the people that tries to moderate the risks I take, that's all."

People choose to be ignorant of the facts quite often. Horseriding is extremely dangerous. I know as I do it professionally. Even bareback sometimes. Haha.

I have met several women who are happy to have unprotected sex and have not asked if I have been tested. I don't ask them as it is a risk that I occasionally take. We should all take responsibility for ourselves however I occasionally like the girlfriend experience and that means overnights, I never presume I am going to wake up to find I have been robbed.

Anyway most men if asked whether they had been tested and played safe are going to say yes so they don't jeopardise their chances. I thoroughly agree with what you are doing I just think you are preaching to the converted. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry the robbing thing only makes sense in my mind...what I meant was there has to be an element of trust even with a stranger. She trusts I am not a loony and going to kidnap her and I trust that if she has an sti then she will tell me as I would her.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Sorry the robbing thing only makes sense in my mind...what I meant was there has to be an element of trust even with a stranger. She trusts I am not a loony and going to kidnap her and I trust that if she has an sti then she will tell me as I would her. "

Yeah but that doesn't work if you have one but don't know it yet, or someone is not trustworthy. The risks may be less than we imagine - we have all 'gotten away with it' in some way. But nonetheless thousands every year do not, and while HIV may not be the death sentence it used to be, who needs it.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

[Removed by poster at 26/06/16 07:12:50]

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By *exy-SirenWoman
over a year ago

Fareham

Yes Charlie boatman there is a risk in adrenaline sports but if I take risks bungee jumping it's only gonna be a danger to me and not everyone I have sex with. On this site we all have to be a bit responsible for each other, it's the 'I think I'm alright' 'we all take risks' attitude that is gonna spread stuff around. Stay safe x

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Actually I have a genuine question - for those of you who do play bare, such as couples - if you are into anal, does that mean you do that bare too? Please PM me if you prefer.

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By *hite2929Man
over a year ago

retford

I'm always safe but just recently had white little milk spots form on the end of my penis

I first read up on it and is not a disease of any kind and is common in uncircumcised men but went to the clinic just to be sure and was correct but they may never go and I'm most likely stuck with them!!

There not obtrusive or proud in anyway but has really knocked my confidence in meeting people...

Would appreciate peoples thoughts please

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