FabSwingers.com forum: How to be more dom

By *iceguy25 OP Man
over a year ago

tongbridge

Lately there has been I number of women/couples wanting me to dominant the fem.

Trouble is im not overly dominant anyway, I can be if i need to but only with women/couples I know well.

My main reason for not wanting to with new people is i never want to cross lines ect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure I understand what you want to know? Is it how to be more dom with people you don't know as well?

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By *ink magnolia s yorksWoman
over a year ago

south yorkshire

You're dominant ir you're not,people see straight through faking it and most people into tea bdsm will spot it a mile away. Why try and be something you're not,be comfortable in yourself and who you are x
"Lately there has been I number of women/couples wanting me to dominant the fem.

Trouble is im not overly dominant anyway, I can be if i need to but only with women/couples I know well.

My main reason for not wanting to with new people is i never want to cross lines ect "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like some1 said I think its just one on those things that come naturally with the scenario. I'm normally laid back, but with few pple I've met, find myself more dominant in the bedroom. We just got tht chemistry & they know how to release that 'beast within me' lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont force it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lately there has been I number of women/couples wanting me to dominant the fem.

Trouble is im not overly dominant anyway, I can be if i need to but only with women/couples I know well.

My main reason for not wanting to with new people is i never want to cross lines ect "

It is more to do with self-confidence and confidence in your ability to read situations and read people in play situations. It is all about pracising, communicating, defining boundaries before you play and by going over the play with your willing victims afterwards.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

if you not naturally dominant then

discuss hard limits before meeting to play

find out what they actually want, plan scene in your head and check out the bits you arent sure they would like

set up protocols for the scene..this will help you and them, stick to the roles set...

think up consequences before hand, if they say no..

always have a safe word in place, where everything will stop immediately with no hard feelings at all towards anyone.

have fun and start off simple

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

yes forgot..aftercare prep..what is that for them and you...v.important..be flesible here you never know until that point what it is actually that will be needed

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By *isexmistressWoman
over a year ago

Prestwich

Best advice i could give to a Non dom wanting to try pull it off is;

Think of your fav actor....

How would he put himself in the role of a Dom..

Imagine your getting £1m for the role and see if you can pull it off.

Its easy enough,to a limited degree..harder when the phsycological parts of domming come into play..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lately there has been I number of women/couples wanting me to dominant the fem.

Trouble is im not overly dominant anyway, I can be if i need to but only with women/couples I know well.

My main reason for not wanting to with new people is i never want to cross lines ect "

Talk to them, negotiate every activity in. Then you know where the lines are.

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady "

Well, you're categorically wrong I'm afraid. You are not 'either' dominant or submissive. You *can* be one or the other, but you can also be both. Or neither.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady

Well, you're categorically wrong I'm afraid. You are not 'either' dominant or submissive. You *can* be one or the other, but you can also be both. Or neither."

Couldn't agree more. I can do both but much prefer to play sub as Mr A does dom extremely well x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been dominated by many people, both male and female. But the best experience of D/s is when it happens naturally because there is a 'D/s' between 2 people. That emotion is intense and the experience intoxicating when that chemistry is present. But when a Dom has that effect on a submissive he is in a powerful position, so he has understand the role and the responsibility that goes with it. The effects can be devastating when a Dominant doesn't know what he is doing. Obviously the same for a Domme.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady

Well, you're categorically wrong I'm afraid. You are not 'either' dominant or submissive. You *can* be one or the other, but you can also be both. Or neither."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady "

what a load of tosh!

I'm neither, or both! who cares!

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady "

Oops lol.

For the purposes of play you can 'fake it' for a bit. Depends how good at acting a person is. A long term D/s relationship with defined roles not so much, but for play...

There are others that switch between and there are others that hover around the neutral point and have no interest in either.

My advice to the op would be, find out before what people want and find scenarios that fit that. If you don't know do some research and put something together in your mind. Then practice assuming the role you have set out for yourself beforehand and exude confidence when you get there. Feed off the people you are with adapt to them and what pushes their buttons.

That line you talk of needs to be clearly defined BEFORE play...

If you try and Dominate without prior discussion that's jumping straight over the line...

And lastly.... safety first and not just condoms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady

Well, you're categorically wrong I'm afraid. You are not 'either' dominant or submissive. You *can* be one or the other, but you can also be both. Or neither."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Like some1 said I think its just one on those things that come naturally with the scenario. I'm normally laid back, but with few pple I've met, find myself more dominant in the bedroom. We just got tht chemistry & they know how to release that 'beast within me' lol

Precisely right. For most I'm percieved as confident but very laid back. "Non outcome specific" if you will. I'm there to play but don't really have a plan or direction.

When I encounter a lady that I have a d/s connection with, we both pick up on it, and we evolve our scene from there.

I don't do long term roles, as I'm not always feeling Dom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Best advice i could give to a Non dom wanting to try pull it off is;

Think of your fav actor....

How would he put himself in the role of a Dom..

Imagine your getting £1m for the role and see if you can pull it off.

Its easy enough,to a limited degree..harder when the phsycological parts of domming come into play.."

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

For some, spouting nonsense like, "me, 'alfa' male", helps

Others prefer a wokman's belt adorned with whips n chains and asking women to call them, "masta'"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You either are or you aren't, there are those that can 'switch' but on the whole it's one way or another. To be posting on here asking how to do it means you're not really cut out for it. I'd suggest finding women that you do connect with being yourself as trying to act a certain way will only come across as awkward.

We are both submissive sexually and as such, means we seek someone else to help balance things sexually. If we met someone that was putting it on it would stand out a mile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Make an offer they can't refuse: aka whose yer Godfather?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How to be more dom?

Shave off your eyebrows, then using a permanent black marker, draw some stern looking eyebrows back on again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

respect my authoritah!

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By *he-Hosiery-GentMan
over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady "

There's more to sex than being pigeonholed as either 'dom' or 'sub'.

I class myself as neither.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady

Well, you're categorically wrong I'm afraid. You are not 'either' dominant or submissive. You *can* be one or the other, but you can also be both. Or neither."

Precisely! We often switch roles and have fun exploring them. We also have none Dom/Domme, sub playtime too, which we love.

Best advice I can give is to talk to the other person about what they like, dislike and their limits. Then take it from there. Don't get too hung up on labels either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's in you naturally.

A Dom is a leader, takes the initiative. They have the plan of what's going to happen.

A good Dom always has consent, always acts in the best benefit of the submissive/s under their care. A good Dom is always safe. They communicate well. They respect your limits but they also guide you to push past your limits.

They have an inner confidence in themselves and their own abilities. They are solid.

There are people with dominant personalities who are not sexual Doms.

As said above dominance is a sliding scale. How you feel towards other people is how you know where you are on that scale. You could be a dom to one person and also submit to another or some couples can switch between themselves, tho that's an alien idea to me

Most importantly you cannot fake it.

If you want some good educational websites pop me a message and I will point you in the right direction

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For some, spouting nonsense like, "me, 'alfa' male", helps

Others prefer a wokman's belt adorned with whips n chains and asking women to call them, "masta'"

Don't forget the leather waistcoat and baggy leather trousers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Dom is a leader, takes the initiative. They have the plan of what's going to happen.

They have an inner confidence in themselves and their own abilities. They are solid.

There are people with dominant personalities who are not sexual Doms.

I disagree on all points.

A dominant does not always have to have a plan.

A dominant is not always 'safe' - depending on your negotiated rules.

A dominant should *never* push past limits. Ever. Limits are not there to be tested - they are limits. That means you don't go past them. If a submissive says to me 'scat is a limit' then I'm not going to shit in their mouth to try and get them past that.

A dominant doesn't have to have inner confidence. They certainly don't have to believe in their own abilities (otherwise, how does anyone start?).

A sexual dominant doesn't have to have a dominant personality. I certainly don't have a dominant personality, but I still make a pretty good sexual dominant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Dom is a leader, takes the initiative. They have the plan of what's going to happen.

They have an inner confidence in themselves and their own abilities. They are solid.

There are people with dominant personalities who are not sexual Doms.

I disagree on all points.

A dominant does not always have to have a plan.

A dominant is not always 'safe' - depending on your negotiated rules.

A dominant doesn't have to have inner confidence. They certainly don't have to believe in their own abilities (otherwise, how does anyone start?).

A sexual dominant doesn't have to have a dominant personality. I certainly don't have a dominant personality, but I still make a pretty good sexual dominant."

Good. We both disagree with each other.

A top is a sexual dominant. A top isn't a Dom. A Dom is dominant in their life, not just in the bedroom.

Consent. Why did you ignore consent? Can you consent to be guided past a limit? "I don't like anal, can you help me with that"

Safe sane and consensual v risk aware consensual kink. In both ways they are safe. You go to jail If you kill people because you are unsafe and no amount of consent will help you.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

"How to be more dom?

Shave off your eyebrows, then using a permanent black marker, draw some stern looking eyebrows back on again.

I told a lady she had drawn her eyebrows on too high.... she looked surprised.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry you are either Dom or not. Not something you can fake as it would show a mile off! If you are naturally Dom it will show..trust me! I am Dom and I don't flinch from tying, spanking and using whips etc.

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By *MaleMan
over a year ago

'How to be more dom'

If it doesn't come naturally to someone then they prob aint a dom. It's the same for guys asking studs/bulls/lovers how they can be one too

Most doms/studs/bulls/lovers didnt follow a manual to end up as they are with whoever they meet. They just followed their natural urges, drive, redbloodedness and ended up meeting fems/cpls that go for such guys.

There's no check list & training that makes you one you either naturally are or you aint.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How to be more dom?

Shave off your eyebrows, then using a permanent black marker, draw some stern looking eyebrows back on again.

I told a lady she had drawn her eyebrows on too high.... she looked surprised.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady

Well, you're categorically wrong I'm afraid. You are not 'either' dominant or submissive. You *can* be one or the other, but you can also be both. Or neither."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A top is a sexual dominant. A top isn't a Dom. A Dom is dominant in their life, not just in the bedroom.

Not entirely true. 'Top' is shorthand for someone who is 'in charge' in various activities. You might have a rope top, or a leather top, or a service top, or a gay top (or more commonly a gay top might just refer to themselves as 'active').

A dominant, in the BDSM scene, is more usually someone who identifies with dominant/submissive activities. They don't have to be dominant in their day to day life. Just like submissives don't have to be submissive in their day to day life. Sexual activity does not have to be related to activity outside of the bedroom.

Consent. Why did you ignore consent?

Consensual Non Consent is a form of play.

Can you consent to be guided past a limit? "I don't like anal, can you help me with that"

They're not limits. They're just things you find difficult. In the BDSM scene a limit is something you must not cross. My limits are things like having sex with minors and animals, or unprotected sex.

On the other hand I would like to get past the difficulties I have with some types of anal sex. They aren't limits - they are things I currently struggle with. But I'm enthusiastic to change those things.

Of course a top/dominant can have limits as well as submissives. As a dominant I have plenty of things I won't do. They are my limits.

Safe sane and consensual v risk aware consensual kink. In both ways they are safe. You go to jail If you kill people because you are unsafe and no amount of consent will help you."

RACK (risk aware) isn't always safe. My partner and I do things somethings that aren't safe. We understand the consequences of those things. That's why we're RACK rather than SSC.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It just comes natural to me, so can't give you any advice.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"For some, spouting nonsense like, "me, 'alfa' male", helps

Others prefer a wokman's belt adorned with whips n chains and asking women to call them, "masta'"

Don't forget the leather waistcoat and baggy leather trousers

That and the Sub/Dom 101 BA degree from the 'University of Life' in Massachusetts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For some, spouting nonsense like, "me, 'alfa' male", helps

Others prefer a wokman's belt adorned with whips n chains and asking women to call them, "masta'"

Don't forget the leather waistcoat and baggy leather trousers

That and the Sub/Dom 101 BA degree from the 'University of Life' in Massachusetts

You sure it's not Sydney University that are the awarding body?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A top is a sexual dominant. A top isn't a Dom. A Dom is dominant in their life, not just in the bedroom.

Consent. Why did you ignore consent?

Consensual Non Consent is a form of play.

Can you consent to be guided past a limit? "I don't like anal, can you help me with that"

Of course a top/dominant can have limits as well as submissives. As a dominant I have plenty of things I won't do. They are my limits.

Safe sane and consensual v risk aware consensual kink. In both ways they are safe. You go to jail If you kill people because you are unsafe and no amount of consent will help you.

RACK (risk aware) isn't always safe. My partner and I do things somethings that aren't safe. We understand the consequences of those things. That's why we're RACK rather than SSC."

The wonderful world of bdsm. There is an infinite spectrum for discussion, interpretation, debate and often argument. I genuinely love this sort of discussion but at times it falls to very specific definitions and it goes directly to people's beliefs. So people get touchy

I was originally trying to explain in broad strokes for the vanilla op. I didn't want to confuse people.

If you want to discuss it futher and my obviously bad posts (

) I would enjoy it, but I'm not sure here is the best place

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"For some, spouting nonsense like, "me, 'alfa' male", helps

Others prefer a wokman's belt adorned with whips n chains and asking women to call them, "masta'"

Don't forget the leather waistcoat and baggy leather trousers

That and the Sub/Dom 101 BA degree from the 'University of Life' in Massachusetts

You sure it's not Sydney University that are the awarding body?

Now that you mention it .....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's definitely a confidence thing.

I always considered myself to be more sub (still have sub fantasies), but in the past few months, it's as if the dominant me has been awoken, through having better and better sex, feeling more liberated, losing inhibitions, just letting go and knowing what my capabilities are.

In a past serious relationship, my partner had to *ask* me to do certain things like slapping, strangling, etc, stuff like that, which was completely unnatural, both in terms of it not being in my 'nature', and the mere fact of having to be asked to do it in the first place.

In the space of a month this year, I fucked a really experienced, confident, uninhibited woman, which was totally liberating, eye opening, and made me realise that actually, any confidence issues I may have had in the past were baseless. The next woman I fucked, was quite inexperienced, had led quite a vanilla sex life, but was very eager to experience new things. I was the 'kinkier' one, I was dirtier, more experienced and she loved this. This was when the coin dropped. I had it in me to be dominant. Since then, I've been more and more adventurous, confident and uninhibited. The beast was set free, basically

Just go with it, but you either have it, or you don't. You can't force it. Like with what happened in my case, it needs to be enticed, encouraged out of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok so clear as mud!

I'm starting to feel my way into a dom role with some of my play but I'm very conscious of pushing too hard or too far. I was hoping for a little guidance from this thread but all I seem to have is more conflicting info.

The basics are simple enough but its the psychological aspect that is harder for me to grasp and punishments. If anyone would care to pm me and chat ill happily engage

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