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"Hi, my wife and I started swinging in Gran Canaria 3 years ago and had a fantastic time there. We went every night to Venus in Playa Del Ingles and did full swap and basically everything on the menu! We went back the following year and tried again. She wasn't as pushed the 2nd time and afterwards said she wasn't interested anymore. This is a real pity for me as I loved the experience and so did she. Can anyone give me advice on how to encourage her to re-think? Has anyone been through this and successfully changed her mind? I would love to give it another try. I'm on here as a single now.... Thanks, Darren" Have you talked to your wife, what's behind her reluctance? Why are you asking strangers to help you persuade the woman you love to do something she's told you she doesn't want to do? | |||
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"A lot of it could come down to how she views your motivation. If she thinks you see it as a great way to get fresh pussy she will be less inclined to go for it than she would be if she thought you saw it as an adventure you both took part in equally. Try to persuade her and you will have no chance. If she doesn't regain her enthusiam then she won't change her opinion. Lots of attention from you and lots of compliments might help. Or maybe suggest a MMF session so it is all about her and not about you. A sort of sign of good faith ?" Wow, that's good advice there. I was going to make some sarcastic advice about brain washing her but I'd feel bad now. OK OP, how is your sex life with her? If it's not great outside of swinging then you need to fix that before inviting others in... | |||
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"Thanks guys for the advice. Our sex life is very poor at them moment, she has little or no interest at all, she suffers from depression. This obviously is a root cause and I will try to deal with that separately. I suppose the advice was asked because she was so into it when we first tried it, she basically couldn't get enough. Then all of a sudden, no, that it, no more. I don't want to force it, so I was going to wait till we are on holidays some time and then 'happen upon' a swingers club....take it from there. My preference btw is for MMF, I loved watching her have fun, my fun was watching her fun. I was with 1 lady, she fucked just about everyone in the place! " I think you should allow your wife her dignity and not tell us all about her personal issues. Concentrate on helping her through her depression then talk to each other about the direction you "both" want your sex life to go in would be my advice. | |||
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"A lot of it could come down to how she views your motivation. If she thinks you see it as a great way to get fresh pussy she will be less inclined to go for it than she would be if she thought you saw it as an adventure you both took part in equally. This Try to persuade her and you will have no chance. If she doesn't regain her enthusiam then she won't change her opinion. Lots of attention from you and lots of compliments might help. Or maybe suggest a MMF session so it is all about her and not about you. A sort of sign of good faith ? Wow, that's good advice there. I was going to make some sarcastic advice about brain washing her but I'd feel bad now. OK OP, how is your sex life with her? If it's not great outside of swinging then you need to fix that before inviting others in... " Thanks for the complement. Must be one of my good days lol | |||
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"A lot of it could come down to how she views your motivation. If she thinks you see it as a great way to get fresh pussy she will be less inclined to go for it than she would be if she thought you saw it as an adventure you both took part in equally. Things Try to persuade her and you will have no chance. If she doesn't regain her enthusiam then she won't change her opinion. Lots of attention from you and lots of compliments might help. Or maybe suggest a MMF session so it is all about her and not about you. A sort of sign of good faith ? Wow, that's good advice there. I was going to make some sarcastic advice about brain washing her but I'd feel bad now. OK OP, how is your sex life with her? If it's not great outside of swinging then you need to fix that before inviting others in... Thanks for the complement. Must be one of my good days lol" Compliment I meant. Bugger. Now the pedants will get me lol | |||
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"Our sex life is very poor at them moment, she has little or no interest at all, she suffers from depression. This obviously is a root cause and I will try to deal with that separately. " You can't deal with depression and a poor marital sex life, and deal with swinging at the same time. First, forget about the swinging, and throw yourself whole-heartedly into helping her conqueror her depression. Second, once she's past the depression, concentrate on bringing sex back into your loving relationship. Only once you have done these two things, can you even start to think about swinging again. If you try to talk to her about swinging while she's depressed and not even interested in sex with you, you will fail. Worse, she will view you as selfish, and she might never be open to the idea of swinging ever again. | |||
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"Our sex life is very poor at them moment, she has little or no interest at all, she suffers from depression. This obviously is a root cause and I will try to deal with that separately. You can't deal with depression and a poor marital sex life, and deal with swinging at the same time. First, forget about the swinging, and throw yourself whole-heartedly into helping her conqueror her depression. Second, once she's past the depression, concentrate on bringing sex back into your loving relationship. Only once you have done these two things, can you even start to think about swinging again. If you try to talk to her about swinging while she's depressed and not even interested in sex with you, you will fail. Worse, she will view you as selfish, and she might never be open to the idea of swinging ever again." This, a million times, this!  | |||
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"Our sex life is very poor at them moment, she has little or no interest at all, she suffers from depression. This obviously is a root cause and I will try to deal with that separately. You can't deal with depression and a poor marital sex life, and deal with swinging at the same time. First, forget about the swinging, and throw yourself whole-heartedly into helping her conqueror her depression. Second, once she's past the depression, concentrate on bringing sex back into your loving relationship. Only once you have done these two things, can you even start to think about swinging again. If you try to talk to her about swinging while she's depressed and not even interested in sex with you, you will fail. Worse, she will view you as selfish, and she might never be open to the idea of swinging ever again." What she said. Swinging isn't a cure for other relationship problems. It's he cherry on top of the cake. No offence but but your own admission you don't have a cake. Nobody eats the glaced cherries on their own, do you know how sickly they are... | |||
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"Our sex life is very poor at them moment, she has little or no interest at all, she suffers from depression. This obviously is a root cause and I will try to deal with that separately. You can't deal with depression and a poor marital sex life, and deal with swinging at the same time. First, forget about the swinging, and throw yourself whole-heartedly into helping her conqueror her depression. Second, once she's past the depression, concentrate on bringing sex back into your loving relationship. Only once you have done these two things, can you even start to think about swinging again. If you try to talk to her about swinging while she's depressed and not even interested in sex with you, you will fail. Worse, she will view you as selfish, and she might never be open to the idea of swinging ever again." I think this is very good advice. | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life." I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap... | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life. I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap..." So any wife who is ill should still provide for the physical needs of her husband? | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life. I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap... So any wife who is ill should still provide for the physical needs of her husband? " I read it as men have physical needs and women have emotional ...people have needs, they would hope their partner would be able to meet them to an extent. If not, they will hopefully be able to communicate. There is always some ebb and flow in relationships, and some give and take/ respect/ understanding .... OP, I think you know what is best and you need to give your wife time and understanding. My initial take was she wasn't into what happened when you were away together .... but I dont know her, so I can't assume. You know her | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life. I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap... So any wife who is ill should still provide for the physical needs of her husband? " You can make whatever insinuation you like but the cold hard fact is that the divorce rate is approaching half of all marriages. So we can talk about the ideal world or the one we actually live in. | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life. I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap... So any wife who is ill should still provide for the physical needs of her husband? I read it as men have physical needs and women have emotional ...people have needs, they would hope their partner would be able to meet them to an extent. If not, they will hopefully be able to communicate. There is always some ebb and flow in relationships, and some give and take/ respect/ understanding .... OP, I think you know what is best and you need to give your wife time and understanding. My initial take was she wasn't into what happened when you were away together .... but I dont know her, so I can't assume. You know her " exactly | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life. I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap... So any wife who is ill should still provide for the physical needs of her husband? You can make whatever insinuation you like but the cold hard fact is that the divorce rate is approaching half of all marriages. So we can talk about the ideal world or the one we actually live in. " That's true it is but is women not having sex and men lacking emotional intelligence the cause? | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life. I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap... So any wife who is ill should still provide for the physical needs of her husband? " I don't think that's what they were saying. Both husband & wife should receive emotionally & physically from each other. But sometimes things (depression in this case - which btw she may never "recover" from but may learn to manage) may get in the way & mean someone is losing out. I believe the comment was in sympathy with the OP not saying that his wife should just get on with it & have sex with him because it's his right. There has been some excellent advice given so far OP, please take it on board & we all wish you & your wife the very best. Mr J | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life. I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap... So any wife who is ill should still provide for the physical needs of her husband? You can make whatever insinuation you like but the cold hard fact is that the divorce rate is approaching half of all marriages. So we can talk about the ideal world or the one we actually live in. That's true it is but is women not having sex and men lacking emotional intelligence the cause?" Who knows, that's a case by case thing. I'm just saying that at least OP indicates he wants to resolve the situation and not take the easy way out and find a new wife, that's what I give him credit for... Emotional intelligent is more about how you deal with it and communicate. Depriving yourself of sex isn't emotional intelligence, it's self control at best... | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life. I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap... So any wife who is ill should still provide for the physical needs of her husband? I don't think that's what they were saying. Both husband & wife should receive emotionally & physically from each other. But sometimes things (depression in this case - which btw she may never "recover" from but may learn to manage) may get in the way & mean someone is losing out. I believe the comment was in sympathy with the OP not saying that his wife should just get on with it & have sex with him because it's his right. There has been some excellent advice given so far OP, please take it on board & we all wish you & your wife the very best. Mr J" Thank you, that is exactly what I meant. | |||
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"You don't make or persuade anybody to Swing they either want to do it or they don't And if they don't or change there mind accept it and get over it and love her for who she is not who you want her to be " | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life. I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap... So any wife who is ill should still provide for the physical needs of her husband? You can make whatever insinuation you like but the cold hard fact is that the divorce rate is approaching half of all marriages. So we can talk about the ideal world or the one we actually live in. That's true it is but is women not having sex and men lacking emotional intelligence the cause? Who knows, that's a case by case thing. I'm just saying that at least OP indicates he wants to resolve the situation and not take the easy way out and find a new wife, that's what I give him credit for... Emotional intelligent is more about how you deal with it and communicate. Depriving yourself of sex isn't emotional intelligence, it's self control at best... " I was more commenting on your statement that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce and connecting it to this. Only in the interests of discussion  . I think it highlights the importance of discussion in relationships though. | |||
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"A lot of it could come down to how she views your motivation. If she thinks you see it as a great way to get fresh pussy she will be less inclined to go for it than she would be if she thought you saw it as an adventure you both took part in equally. Try to persuade her and you will have no chance. If she doesn't regain her enthusiam then she won't change her opinion. Lots of attention from you and lots of compliments might help. Or maybe suggest a MMF session so it is all about her and not about you. A sort of sign of good faith ?" Good advice. Darcy | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life. I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap... So any wife who is ill should still provide for the physical needs of her husband? You can make whatever insinuation you like but the cold hard fact is that the divorce rate is approaching half of all marriages. So we can talk about the ideal world or the one we actually live in. That's true it is but is women not having sex and men lacking emotional intelligence the cause? Who knows, that's a case by case thing. I'm just saying that at least OP indicates he wants to resolve the situation and not take the easy way out and find a new wife, that's what I give him credit for... Emotional intelligent is more about how you deal with it and communicate. Depriving yourself of sex isn't emotional intelligence, it's self control at best... I was more commenting on your statement that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce and connecting it to this. Only in the interests of discussion . I think it highlights the importance of discussion in relationships though."Ah I see. Well as I say, it's chicken and egg stuff that can often fall into a downwards spiral. I can tell you that statistically speaking, the best single indicator of future marital success is the ratio of love making to arguments. If you make love 5x more than you argue then you have minimal probability if divorce. Better communication = less arguments, but if you aren't having sex 5 times then... | |||
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"Thanks guys for the advice. Our sex life is very poor at them moment, she has little or no interest at all, she suffers from depression. This obviously is a root cause and I will try to deal with that separately." How is that obviously the root cause? Maybe you wanting to go swinging and her thinking she's not good enough for you is the root cause. | |||
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" I was more commenting on your statement that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce and connecting it to this. Only in the interests of discussion . I think it highlights the importance of discussion in relationships though.
Ah I see. Well as I say, it's chicken and egg stuff that can often fall into a downwards spiral. I can tell you that statistically speaking, the best single indicator of future marital success is the ratio of love making to arguments. If you make love 5x more than you argue then you have minimal probability if divorce. Better communication = less arguments, but if you aren't having sex 5 times then... "Blimey, how were those statistics gathered? | |||
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" I was more commenting on your statement that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce and connecting it to this. Only in the interests of discussion . I think it highlights the importance of discussion in relationships though.
Ah I see. Well as I say, it's chicken and egg stuff that can often fall into a downwards spiral. I can tell you that statistically speaking, the best single indicator of future marital success is the ratio of love making to arguments. If you make love 5x more than you argue then you have minimal probability if divorce. Better communication = less arguments, but if you aren't having sex 5 times then...
Blimey, how were those statistics gathered? "There's a guy who is just really into that kind of stuff. It was the same one who pissed off the wine industry but producing a model that predicted wine prices using only 3 variables... All those pretentious people who like sniffing, gargling and spitting the stuff hate him. | |||
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"Thanks guys for the advice. Our sex life is very poor at them moment, she has little or no interest at all, she suffers from depression. This obviously is a root cause and I will try to deal with that separately. I suppose the advice was asked because she was so into it when we first tried it, she basically couldn't get enough. Then all of a sudden, no, that it, no more. I don't want to force it, so I was going to wait till we are on holidays some time and then 'happen upon' a swingers club....take it from there. My preference btw is for MMF, I loved watching her have fun, my fun was watching her fun. I was with 1 lady, she fucked just about everyone in the place! " I'll be honest stumbling across a swingers club on holiday when she has said she doesn't want to swing and your own sex life isn't healthy is a recipe for disaster and will almost certainly end badly. There is some excellent advice on here, swinging is unlikely to fix things. Focus on the 2 of you | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life. I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap..." I'm so glad you said "manage" not "cure". Too many people think you can get over depression like a cold or a cut finger. Too many people think depression heals like a broken arm. | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life. I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap... I'm so glad you said "manage" not "cure". Too many people think you can get over depression like a cold or a cut finger. Too many people think depression heals like a broken arm. "Exactly, I chose that word carefully. The truth is that our knowledge of cognitive biology is about as good as our knowledge of physics... 2,000 years ago! Some people will spend the rest of their lives living with depression and managing it will be the best they can hope for. In such cases, a lot of husbands would piss off to greener grass, which I think is wrong. That's why it's not reasonable to just say that the guy can't have any nookie until she's 'better'. But equally I'm saying she deserves support and can't reasonably be expected to be frisky a lot of the time. They need to communicate and find what works for their situation. | |||
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"As others have said, helping your wife cope and recover from her depression is the most important thing, your sex life comes far after helping her cope with day to say life. I fear that if you even attempted to get her to swing again whilst she is not in the head place to do so she would resent you which will not help her in the slightest. Most important thing, concentrate you your wife and yourself in your home life. I have sympathy with the OP, his wife has emotional needs which any husband should provide for. He has physical needs which any wife should provide for. It can be a bit chicken and egg, I do agree he needs to help her but rrealistically depression is a strange beast that could take years to manage and it's unfair to assume his dick can just hibernate until then. That said, you can't expect to swing until you have a good sex life at home. But I think he should have some credit for asking the question which at least shows he gives a crap... I'm so glad you said "manage" not "cure". Too many people think you can get over depression like a cold or a cut finger. Too many people think depression heals like a broken arm.
Exactly, I chose that word carefully. The truth is that our knowledge of cognitive biology is about as good as our knowledge of physics... 2,000 years ago! Some people will spend the rest of their lives living with depression and managing it will be the best they can hope for. In such cases, a lot of husbands would piss off to greener grass, which I think is wrong.
That's why it's not reasonable to just say that the guy can't have any nookie until she's 'better'. But equally I'm saying she deserves support and can't reasonably be expected to be frisky a lot of the time. They need to communicate and find what works for their situation. "Trouble is, the support isn't always there, particularly from those best placed to give it. Understanding depression needs understanding depression. | |||
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" Can anyone give me advice on how to encourage her to re-think?" Best advice- think about the fact that she is probably thinking "can anyone give me advice on how to convince him im not interested". Your question is somewhat selfish. If youve spoken to her about it and shes not feeling it just let it be and remember the good times. Dont try to convinice her she wants to do something thats she doesnt. How about she encouranges you to rethink and not do it? If shes your partner its about give and take. | |||
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"She might have enjoyed it then. She clearly doesn't enjoy it now. Split with her and find a new partner." Hahaha I bet your partner feels real special to think if they no longer want to swing then you will split with them. Haha this made me laugh. Darcy | |||
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"Is she bi-polar ?" | |||
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"A....... Too many people think depression heals like a broken arm.
Exactly, I chose that word carefully. The truth is that our knowledge of cognitive biology is about as good as our knowledge of physics... 2,000 years ago! Some people will spend the rest of their lives living with depression and managing it will be the best they can hope for. In such cases, a lot of husbands would piss off to greener grass, which I think is wrong.
That's why it's not reasonable to just say that the guy can't have any nookie until she's 'better'. But equally I'm saying she deserves support and can't reasonably be expected to be frisky a lot of the time. They need to communicate and find what works for their situation. "I asked the question, which has since sparked a very interesting argument. I asked it on this website, rather than with a friend who probably knows nothing about the 'life' and would therefore perhaps give a moral view. 10 years ago, she had post natal depression, and is still on medication to regulate this. We have a dull (at best) sex life, lights off, missionary. The swinging thing happened 3 years ago when we were on holiday and took off like a duck to water. She reminded me of when we met, a vibrant and beautiful woman, full of life and enthusiastic, easy going and up for anything. Then when we came home and we were back to square one. I may indeed be selfish, but I asked the question because I do care about her and don't want to leave her. I will now take the very good advice given above and focus on our relationship. Swinging will have to take a back seat. I do feel frustrated though. I'm a very young 43 and I feel my needs will take a back seat, ending up at 70 without having fulfilled my desires. Selfish? Definitely. Should I therefore just put up with something i'm unhappy with for the rest of my life? Perhaps not. I may end up discretely staying on here as a single or keep having those cold showers..... | |||
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"A....... Too many people think depression heals like a broken arm.
Exactly, I chose that word carefully. The truth is that our knowledge of cognitive biology is about as good as our knowledge of physics... 2,000 years ago! Some people will spend the rest of their lives living with depression and managing it will be the best they can hope for. In such cases, a lot of husbands would piss off to greener grass, which I think is wrong.
That's why it's not reasonable to just say that the guy can't have any nookie until she's 'better'. But equally I'm saying she deserves support and can't reasonably be expected to be frisky a lot of the time. They need to communicate and find what works for their situation.
I asked the question, which has since sparked a very interesting argument. I asked it on this website, rather than with a friend who probably knows nothing about the 'life' and would therefore perhaps give a moral view.
10 years ago, she had post natal depression, and is still on medication to regulate this. We have a dull (at best) sex life, lights off, missionary. The swinging thing happened 3 years ago when we were on holiday and took off like a duck to water. She reminded me of when we met, a vibrant and beautiful woman, full of life and enthusiastic, easy going and up for anything. Then when we came home and we were back to square one.
I may indeed be selfish, but I asked the question because I do care about her and don't want to leave her. I will now take the very good advice given above and focus on our relationship. Swinging will have to take a back seat.
I do feel frustrated though. I'm a very young 43 and I feel my needs will take a back seat, ending up at 70 without having fulfilled my desires. Selfish? Definitely. Should I therefore just put up with something i'm unhappy with for the rest of my life? Perhaps not. I may end up discretely staying on here as a single or keep having those cold showers....."Your situation is a tough one but as has been said can't be resolved by you alone. Have you considered couples counselling, does your wife fully understand the effect this is having on you? From personal experience of growing up in a family with a parent suffering from depression I do understand the effect it has on those supporting the sufferer. I think you're entitled to feel what you feel but it isn't something that can be dealt with here. Good luck to both of you. | |||
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"She might have enjoyed it then. She clearly doesn't enjoy it now. Split with her and find a new partner. Hahaha I bet your partner feels real special to think if they no longer want to swing then you will split with them. Haha this made me laugh. Darcy" We made sure we were both on the same page from the start of the relationship. | |||
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"She might have enjoyed it then. She clearly doesn't enjoy it now. Split with her and find a new partner. Hahaha I bet your partner feels real special to think if they no longer want to swing then you will split with them. Haha this made me laugh. Darcy We made sure we were both on the same page from the start of the relationship. " Oh shit I hoped that was bad taste sarcasm... apparently not. Ok so if your other half gets ill and loses her sex drive then you'll leave her. Lovely. | |||
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