FabSwingers.com forum: Pro's and Con's of Swingers Clubs (Newbies)

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi,

We have a question and want to get a good range of responses regarding people's experiences so we can decide what to do, if anything!

Basically, we are a nervous pair of newbies and haven't done anything involving anybody outside our relationship. We webcam'd a few weeks ago and that was awesome. I (male) particularly enjoyed the attention she was getting and it definitely spurred her on. We have strong fantasies about group stuff but have kept them as part of our foreplay more than anything. To clarify, my personal fantasies revolve around my partner being the centre of attention, not me. The conversations are very two-way, i.e. - this isn't a bloke trying to get his wife to agree to let him shag around.

Our problem is we've spoken about going to a club for ages (once got about 500 yards away from one!) and now may have built it up so much in our minds that we are both (admittedly she more than I) now too nervous to actually go through with it. There is a window coming up in our diary and I am suggesting we bite the bullet and see what it's all about (again, watching and performing but not "playing"). The questions we have been asking ourselves are:

1) what if you like it and want to go again but I don't?

2) what if you want to do something with someone else but I don't?

3) what if we bump into someone we know?

4) what if it's too busy?

5) what if it's too quiet?

6) what if I am too fat?

I am sure these are pretty standard questions that everyone asks, but we need some reassurance that going to a club without the intention to play with anyone else can be a positive experience. What are the pro's and con's? Would anyone recommend doing anything else first (more chat room web cam, private cam, messaging people, etc.)?

Any help would be gratefully received - rather than just "I'll take you both to my local club and shag your bird for you". Either here on the post or as a message, so we can share the info and have an informed chat about it.

Thanks,

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By *ovjohnoCouple
over a year ago

weymouth

Hiya love your post as that's how we felt. We went to our first club in gran canaria where yes there were single men after Louise but I kept right behind her until we found an area where we just played with each other while watching others and being watched ourselves . We learnt that just because you go to a club it is not a given that you will play the rule is you do what you want or not want to do. If one of you wants to play and the other doesn't perhaps best to sort this out before rather thN during. We see it as playing together lo

John wouldn't do anything without Louise and visa versa so when we went to the club we had already decided that we were only going for a look see. The other club we went to over there we didn't even play with each other we just soacked up the atmosphere, hope this helps

Louise and John x

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By *eendeeCouple
over a year ago

sheffield

The Benefits of attending a club is there's no pressure to do anything you don't want as long as it's a cpls night there's plenty of choices for you you can relax in bar area (chatting) having a cpl of drinks never have to many that way you don't do anything you regret through drink , you can relax on pool jacuzzi areas you can walk anout n view cpls playing and at no point get hassled or pressured to play also in a club everyone is there for fun relaxation and a good time and rarely if ever any trouble with d*unks etc go along to the club of your choice without any expectations relax and enjoy it honestly you will enjoy it

Good luck and have fun xx

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

Hey! You sound just like us before our first visit. We stood in the doorway for ten mins before we got the courage to go in!

Basically we'd advise to just go with the sole intention of seeing what the inside of a club is like. Most have a social area where you can remain clothed and just chat with others and have a drink. That was our intention for our first visit.

Spend an hour or so doing that and then see how you both feel. If one of you wants to leave - then you both leave. If one wants to play but the other doesn't - don't play. For us, it's a unanimous decision or not at all. If you try and persuade the other to do something they're not totally comfortable with then you'll likely ruin the experience.

On our first visit, we wound up naked in the hot tub within 20mins of getting there. I think the relief of making it through the door alive made us really relax. We chatted with some others, had a wander around to see what else was going on (hardly anything as it was a quiet night) and ended up having sex in a private room, just the two of us. Then of left.

We tend now to go to organised party nights at townhouse mostly. We usually just play with each other, either in private or in open rooms. That's currently perfect for us. Club visits are what you make of them. If you try and push too far too fast then you'll likely have issues.

If you can make some friends to meet for a drink before going to the club then it can make things much easier.

Good luck!

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By *rnMrs2017Couple
over a year ago

County Durham

Hiya,

We were at exactly that point about 3 weeks ago! It was something we talked about but I (mrs) was kinda terrified about doing anything, we've been together 13 years and are completely comfortable with eachother though.

We have a friend who already attended clubs and he offered to go with us so we knew someone and that really helped me out a lot. As I knew we'd know someone and wouldn't just be sat on our own looking like idiots.

The Mr saw a couple of people he recognised, but you're all there for the same reason and neither party would want the fact blabbing about so it's not really an issue to be honest.

We went with the thoughts of have a look around and just make sure we keep talking to each other.

It was a really good night, fairly quiet which was nice, good mix of ages and body sizes, there is literally no stereotype!

We just played with each other in a dark room (ie was open for anyone to come into but pitch black so no one could see what you were doing), so it was a good way to start. The next week we played completely in one of the open rooms, but still just us. Everyone very respectful of eachother.

Next time we may include another person, taking it slow and seeing how it goes really.

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By *uck princess and himCouple
over a year ago

washington

"Hi,

We have a question and want to get a good range of responses regarding people's experiences so we can decide what to do, if anything!

1) what if you like it and want to go again but I don't?

2) what if you want to do something with someone else but I don't?

3) what if we bump into someone we know?

4) what if it's too busy?

5) what if it's too quiet?

6) what if I am too fat?

Thanks,

What's good for one isn't always good for the other, find out together what yous like.

I'm sure if you or your wife like someone the other doesn't then it's obvious you won't go against them.

You bump into someone you know?, they are going to be just as embarrassed as at a club, they are all there for the same things!

Too busy for you, guys at clubs are very respectful of each other and will not come up rubbing you or the wife..find a nice spot and see what's going on.

Too quiet?, go find some action

Too fat?, as the female I worry about this too... I'm sure alot of us do but seriously, we go with our partners who already love us, and all swingers come in all different shapes and sizes.

And guess what, not for you? Just leave, if your not already chained to a bed haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have found clubs to be very friendly. The first time we went had all the same questions as you

1) if one enjoys and the other doesn't, then don't go again. Talk about it

2) that is what boundaries are for. Talk about them before you go.

3) we have bumped into people we know a couple of times. Smile, say hi if you wish. Then move on.

4&5) sometimes it's pot luck, but do some research on the clubs you want to visit. Read the clubs reviews and it might give you an idea.

6) No. People come in all shapes and sizes, same applies to swingers clubs.

Just go and have a look. If it's not for you both, at least it answers your questions

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By *thwiltsmMan
over a year ago

salisbury

Go for it, it's the best way to start swinging and for all the reasons everyone has already listed, no pressure, all shapes and sizes etc.

We were petrified about going into our first club visit, sat out in the car for a while and nearly turned away.

Of course there was nothing to worry about as most of us British are all a pretty reserved bunch when it come down to it

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

1&2 - If one of you says no then it is a no for both of you.

3 - Say hello.....if you like them that is. If you can't stand them just wave from afar

4 - Then you have plenty to watch and people to talk to.

5 - You get your choice of private room to enjoy yourselves in.

6 - Pick a BBW night, you will fit right in

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By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...

We are pretty experienced clubbers and we much prefer clubs to private meets.

Firstly I will answer you specific questions as we see them.

1) what if you like it and want to go again but I don't?

Simple answer is to set your boundary's before you go but remember you are getting into this as a couple and both parties have to be fully comfortable before you carry on.

2) what if you want to do something with someone else but I don't?

Pretty much the same answer as above.

3) what if we bump into someone we know?

Highly unlikely, but it can happen. In six years of going to clubs two or three times a month it has happened to us twice. On both occasions they were as shocked to see us as we were them, but remember they are there for the same thing as you. Let's face it they will hardly be shouting from the rafters that "They" saw you in a swinger club.

4) what if it's too busy?

If it is so busy that it makes you uncomfortable, then leave. We much prefer busy nights but if it is so crowded that you don't want to mix it in the play rooms then just hang around the bar area and watch what goes on. It will be a good learning curve.

5) what if it's too quiet?

That can be a double edged sword. On the downside if it is very quiet and not much going on then you wont really learn much. On the upside it gives you a little space to ease yourselves in. I wouldn't worry too much about it for your first time.

6) what if I am too fat?

You are not, and I say that without looking at your profile. We have been to over 30 clubs in five different countries and the one common theme is that you see people of all ages shapes and sizes. It just really isn't an issue.

Clubs to us give us the escapism that we like. We walk through the door and leave our vanilla life behind for a few hours, then walk out and leave our swinging life until the next time.

We prefer the anonymity and spontaneity of clubs. We don't want to swing at home and the meet in a pub then back to someone's or a hotel for a shag routine is far too clinical for us.

The club scene can be a real adventure and if you both can get your head around it, an awful lot of FUN.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had exactly the same issues 12 months ago - worried about everything. Posted a hundred questions on the forums trying to work out what to do and how to do it. Then we chose a date, booked a hotel within walking distance to a club and agreed with each other that if we didn't like it we would turn around at the door. 12 months on we have been to 4 different clubs on many different nights and haven't looked back.

In answer to your questions in my (female) experience:

1) what if you like it and want to go again but I don't? Then you don't go again - agree a ground rule to start with that if either of you ever at any point changes their mind then you both won't do it - your relationship always comes before swinging.

2) what if you want to do something with someone else but I don't? Then you don't do it - make it 100% mutual, clubs usually have good social areas generally with music playing and you can always find time to privately discuss your thoughts - if you both don't agree then neither of you should be taking one for the team - just agree not to do it.

3) what if we bump into someone we know? Then they are in a swingers club too - choose your club carefully, we tend to go a fair way from home but know there's a chance of seeing someone we know but it's not illegal or wrong - hey can't tell your partner and unless they want everyone to know their business they won't tell anyone else. We did meet a couple once and the male half of the couples boss walked in with his wife - they laughed about it, had a drink together and that was that no more said.

4) what if it's too busy? Busy can be good - lots of different people to circulate with. Hang around the social and bar areas and you'll soon start talking to people. Usually the staff will introduce you to regulars if you're new (assuming you want them to!) and you'll be able to get the hang of it all quickly. Busy means if you're not interested in someone you can move on easily.

5) what if it's too quiet? Again, quiet can be good as it gives people reason to talk to each other - if you're one of only a few couples in the room you'll tend to gravitate towards each other and it can end well

6) what if I am too fat? No one is too fat, the age and size range of people in clubs varies so much that I've never been able to pinpoint the oldest, youngest, fattest or thinnest in a club it literally takes all sorts.

Depending on what you are into choose your night carefully - we have had a number of nights soured by going to mixed nights when that's not our thing. So now we tend only to attend couples nights. Choose your club carefully too - check out all the reviews, make sure you take what you need with you (most clubs sell it but we tend to take a bag containing sexy bits and a change of clothes), check the club website for dress code and etiquette (or ask on the forums if you need to), in all we've found we like clubs mainly for the social experience and everything else is a bonus - don't compromise your standards just to meet someone we made that mistake once and since we learned not to we've had excellent meets. Set your boundaries and stick to them until you both agree to push them.

We always said what's the worst that could happen? Just go and if you don't like it you don't have to stay - you are free to leave at any time after arriving. Most of all have fun

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By *oandjohnCouple
over a year ago

South Wales, will travel to Hereford, Worcestershire and Shropshire

The first thing is don't be scared.

Pick a club with a good reputation that is not on your doorstep. That way you are less likely to bump into anyone.

Go to that club with the rule that you are not playing with any one else. You can always use the excuse of last resort that you are on a social night because the lady can't play this week.. No one ever questions that.

Get the feel for the club, have a good look a round, chat to others, have a bit of watching fun.

If you feel brave enough just have some fun together in a private room.

If you feel right you can play with others but I would suggest that you might choose not to. The reason being people always want what they can't have.. It might make the want to go back there even greater.

Now a key thing for the male in the relationship.. Pay lots of attention to your partner and what they are say. Because if you look like an out of control kid in the sweet it would go down we... You need to make her feel special...

Another point is that you might want to concider a MMF experience as a first adventure. Because as a couple and couple experience your lady might be more concerned as to what you are doing and if you are injoying the other lady too much for her liking. But as a MMF adventure she is the center of attention and it is her first swing experience in the most simplest form that you can build on.

But the key rule is alway leave wanting more and that way you go back.

Hope that helps

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By *ischief ManagedCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Hello OP we know how you feel think everyone has been through the same days/ weeks of worrying , anticipation, nervousness and them first steps through the door in a club. Mrs was more worried than i was infact panicing for the similar reasons as you listed. But seriously and im sure all will agree there really is nothing to worry about. We walked in got changed sat down in a comfy sofa thinking what do we do now , what happens etc... We must have stood out like right newbies as within 5 mins this lovely lady with her fella still at the bar came over and started chatting. Mrs is more of the talker of us and within 5 mins all the feelings we had went.we had a nice time we laughed joked got shown around by the mamager, yeah we didnt play with anyone but ourselfs in a private room but we had a nice time and felt absolutely no pressure to do anything. So thats our story and many will probably be the same so dont worry about anything as hard as that you will realise all is good. Having fun is the most important thing !

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

Hi op, we came at it from a slightly different perspective, but I will give you mine. I have been on the scene as a single fem for four years (still have my single profile for meets) and Mr had been on the kink scene. I jumped straight in and went to bi kink as it fit in with what I like and it was amazingly full on for me, as I had never seen people playing in public before ... I loved it. I also learnt to say no, on my own, as Mr was playing on his own. We have been to lots of clubs together now, but to be honey we rarely play, or we may play alone. We love the atmosphere of all types of clubs, we know some where we feel very relaxed and some where the atmosphere doesn't suit us at all (as Mr is bi and black, that is a particular niche). We think we may have found the perfect place for us, but we are waiting to see. I would say go for it, but like anything you do as a couple, do it together ...

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

you'll never know unless you go....

the biggest thing is walking thru that door..... once you realise most people are relatively normal-ish, you'll be fine

it is never the way you built it up in your head

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks to the OP for this, we've been on here for nearly a year and not even played let alone gone to a club because of similar worries.

I'm our opinion as long as everyone is sure they're all happy with whatever is happening, then all's well, right?

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

"The first thing is don't be scared.

Pick a club with a good reputation that is not on your doorstep. That way you are less likely to bump into anyone.

Get the feel for the club, have a good look a round, chat to others, have a bit of watching fun.

If you feel brave enough just have some fun together in a private room.

But the key rule is alway leave wanting more and that way you go back.

Hope that helps"

Totally agree with everything you have said. This is pretty much how we have done it and we are definately left wanting to go back for more!

The only addition we would add is don't get d*unk, you will limit your enjoyment and potentially either forget what you have done, or much worse regret it...

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Thanks to the OP for this, we've been on here for nearly a year and not even played let alone gone to a club because of similar worries.

I'm our opinion as long as everyone is sure they're all happy with whatever is happening, then all's well, right?

I think that is pretty much the definition of Swinging. Just do what you are comfortable with and only do what you want to do and make sure you enjoy it or stop! Enjoy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone. Really appreciate the help!

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By *udiguyMan
over a year ago

harrogate

Hi op ..

Best of luck .

Me n my oh are about to take a plunge into new waters .. her idea too!!.

Keep us updated as to how u get on x

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By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area

1) what if you like it and want to go again but I don't? Agree before you go

2) what if you want to do something with someone else but I don't? Agree before you go

3) what if we bump into someone we know? They are there for the same reason as you

4) what if it's too busy? Go with n expectations, the busiest club may give you a night to remember or forget

5) what if it's too quiet?Go with n expectations, the quietest club may give you a night to remember or forget

6) what if I am too fat? What if you are too slim ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

1) what if you like it and want to go again but I don't?

2) what if you want to do something with someone else but I don't?

3) what if we bump into someone we know?

4) what if it's too busy?

5) what if it's too quiet?

6) what if I am too fat?

Not sure if it will help if I share our experience. We attended our first club after talking about it for years. First mistake, wore something I wasn't comfy in and sat hiding away all night (dress down club btw). Second mistake, I really wanted to play just with Michael but somewhere we could be seen, wanted to watch others and then see where else it took us. This was a mistake because it was too much for me on my first night, I felt like it would be a failure if we went and did nothing as I'd been talking about it for so long. There was then a shed load of pressure but only coming from me.

A couple other things went wrong that were out of our control too and basically we didn't enjoy ourselves, still had that itch that needed scratching and in a worse place.

Fast forward 12 months, decided I need to see once and for all. Returned to same place, but on a couples night, in something I was far more comfy in, and didn't hide away in the corner. Our only expectations were to relax and socialise.

We did a little more, came away feeling on top of the world and really started our journey.

Tried a different club the next week (last week) loved it too, but what is better than the clubs, is the talking, the closeness, the sharing of fantasies both ones we don't want to act out but also that we do, the having a naughty secret to make us feel excited again.

Now have either 3-4 club visits planned for the rest of March with very realistic expectations and actually enjoying taking it really slowly because the chatting about it and planning and closeness is the very best bit.

I know others will dive straight in and be happy, but for us the slowly and pressure free (self inflicted) route is working.

In answer to your questions:

1) I would be amazed if one being nervous and uncomfy didn't rub off on another. It doesn't have to be like or dislike, why not plan to have an hour or two only and the only aim to be to put to bed the thing it's been built up to (we did the same)

2) our first club visit we had a no playing rule, gave us the ability to talk freely about our attractions to others among ourselves without any concern of going too fast

3) go further away from home

4) too busy then take a look round, have a couple of drinks and leave happy it's not such a huge deal if you go back

5) too quiet... see no 4.

6) pls wear something you're comfy in. If dress down them it doesn't have to be all hanging out, a sexy robe over something you feel cracking in would give confidence perhaps? Getting there you will see all shapes sizes persuasions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi guys, we had been going to clubs for 8 years before we actually did anything with anyone else, a long time, we know! Lol.

Our answer is:-

1+2 agree your boundaries before you go!

3. It's happened to us and "actually, it doesn't matter, you're there doing the same thing!

4+5 just enjoy, it is what YOU make it!

6. You are never too fat, too thin, too shapeless!

Everyone is unique and everyone is into different things, that's what makes the world go round. Swinging world just goes round in a more exciting way!!

Go with the flow and enjoy yourselves! Xx

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By *not69Man
over a year ago

Lancashire

1) what if you like it and want to go again but I don't?

You only do it if you are both comfortable with it. One of you doesn't want to go again then you don't. I'd recommend trying it more than once tho before you make your decision tho.

2) what if you want to do something with someone else but I don't?

You need to set your ground rules before you go.

3) what if we bump into someone we know?

Say hi, they are there for the same reason as you and will probably be just as embarrassed

4) what if it's too busy?

Socialise and make friends, it's not all about the sex

5) what if it's too quiet?

I've had some of my best nights in clubs when it's been really quiet. It's the quality of people that make a night not the numbers.

6) what if I am too fat?

Haha, it won't be long before you realise there is no such thing as too fat. You'll meet people of all shapes and sizes. In fact for some people who are a bit self conscious of their bodies going to a club can be a good confidence booster.

Go and try it, relax, and above all rise et else, have fun xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've (male) read all of the responses from people and totally agree with every single answer……however i would add more to point 1 which is even if 1 of you didn't enjoy it, talk about why it may just be that night/club wasn't for you try another night/club if then you still feel the same then probably not for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always wanted to go to a club. Just to see what it is like. But never had a partner whos interested in swinging, so as id be going alone ive avoided it because i suspect id look like a dork being a total loner sitting in the corner by my self!

I guess at least i wouldnt have the problems couples face lol

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By *not69Man
over a year ago

Lancashire

"I always wanted to go to a club. Just to see what it is like. But never had a partner whos interested in swinging, so as id be going alone ive avoided it because i suspect id look like a dork being a total loner sitting in the corner by my self!

I guess at least i wouldnt have the problems couples face lol"

Your correct, you would look a dork day on the corner on your own with your hand under your towel playing with your cock, but there are plenty who do that. So why not go to a club, don't sit in a corner, stand by the bar and say hello to people, talk to people, socialise. You never know someone might say to you "hey chav! You wanna come to a room and destroy my wife's pussy?"

And on that note, I think you need to rethink your user name before you go lol

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

I guess it must be different for couples as joint decisions need to be made

However, the first time, I too had several of those concerns. It was only entering a club but it felt as if I was preparing for battle with the pervs and the rapists. But more than that, my biggest fear was rejection and that I would be left standing by myself

None of that happened and years later, when I think back, I now know that I always had the upper-hand in one aspect and that was, I could leave any time I wanted to

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

"Hi,

... There is a window coming up in our diary and I am suggesting we bite the bullet and see what it's all about (again, watching and performing but not "playing"). The questions we have been asking ourselves are:

1) what if you like it and want to go again but I don't?

2) what if you want to do something with someone else but I don't?

3) what if we bump into someone we know?

4) what if it's too busy?

5) what if it's too quiet?

6) what if I am too fat?

Don't overthink it just go.

A swingers club is in many ways like any other club a place where people go to relax and socialise. There is no pressure to do anything else, all the clubs we have been in have a bar area (you often have to take your own alcohol) with soft drinks and coffee etc.

The first two questions are for you as a couple to decide, preferably before as then you can talk about what worries you have, but be aware one or both of you may change your mind at the club

So talk to each other and be sure you are both confident in your relationship with each other.

It is possible to bump into someone you know but they are there for the same as you so it is nothing to worry about.

We have never met someone from our daily life at a club.

There are people of all shapes, sizes and even ages at clubs. That is one of the advantages, just remember there is no need to play with anyone, some people go to a club and play with their own partner in a private room and leave, just do what feels right for both of you.

You might prefer to chat with other then go to the play rooms with them , you could arrange to simply softswing with them or even play in the same room as another but without swapping partners.

Don't be frightened to talk to others and let them know its your first time and need to take thing slowly.

On the other hand you might go and find all your worries and inhibitions have slipped away and you both want to take full advantage of what's on offer

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