FabSwingers.com forum: Time waster advice please

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Wanting people's advice and opinions please.

Been chatting with a couple who are verified and have arranged a meet for next Saturday. May be the lady in questions' time of the month so could be a social drink and nothing more which is fine. On two occasions we have asked if they are still OK to meet to which they have replied yes but when we go to sort out the particulars as in where and what time they don't reply to the message.

I'm less inclined to message again as I think if they really wanted to meet they would have responded. It has been 5 days since the last message we sent asking whether they wanted to meet at ours, theirs or somewhere in the middle.

What would you do?

Is your time waster radar pointing in their direction?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Next Saturday as day after tomorrow? Or next Saturday as in Dec 5th? Some people can't commit more than a few days in advance.

However, I wouldn't bother messaging again. You've tried, they haven't.

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By *estmidscoupleCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands

In short, yes, 5 days is a long time. We'd move on and not bother with them

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Don't message again and if you don't hear from them you have your answer. However if your instinct is telling you something it's often right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had this a few times have they been on line and read your message if so its looking gloomy sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry, I replied privetly by mistake;

Either they might not be feeling it and can't say it straight out, or if you've asked them several times if they want to meet they might feel a bit pressured?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have had similar happen to us. The ball is in their court now - so we would leave it with them. But sounds like they could be wasting your time.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

But a point worth considering is how you would feel if having been in a private conversation with a couple you logged on to find them asking the forum if they thought you were time wasters.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry, I replied privetly by mistake;

Either they might not be feeling it and can't say it straight out, or if you've asked them several times if they want to meet they might feel a bit pressured?"

Thanks, we haven't asked them multiple times if they want to meet just to sort out details during conversations as we have a young daughter so need to take her to her grandmas who is having her for the night. In fact it was them that was asking us when we can sort out a meet etc so we just wanted to finalise details, we don't get that much free time but have a select group of fab friends we get on really well with that we have either met or would like to meet and seemed to get on really well with this couple

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"But a point worth considering is how you would feel if having been in a private conversation with a couple you logged on to find them asking the forum if they thought you were time wasters."

Thanks for your comment but the forums are a place for advice and we thought we would put our situation out there to see what other people thought about our question, if someone indirectly mentioned us in a forum post and were concerned we would be happy to message them and explain the situation as it could just be a misunderstanding or like someone has said they have changed there mind but either way it would be nice to know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get the frustration, you are serious about meeting and have several things on your mind to sort out. It sounds like a case of nevres in their case, I don't think they have gone out to set you up or anything, there are simply a lot of emotions involved and sometimes people bottle it. Just have to get back up on the horse and keep looking.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I get the frustration, you are serious about meeting and have several things on your mind to sort out. It sounds like a case of nevres in their case, I don't think they have gone out to set you up or anything, there are simply a lot of emotions involved and sometimes people bottle it. Just have to get back up on the horse and keep looking.

Horse has been mounted, eyes are peeled and search will commence shortly

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"But a point worth considering is how you would feel if having been in a private conversation with a couple you logged on to find them asking the forum if they thought you were time wasters.

I think you've directly mentioned them to be fair.

I hope it all turns out well for the four of you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"But a point worth considering is how you would feel if having been in a private conversation with a couple you logged on to find them asking the forum if they thought you were time wasters.

I think you've directly mentioned them to be fair.

I hope it all turns out well for the four of you. "

What was meant by indirectly mentioned them is that we haven't put there username or anything, directly mentioning them would have been to try and make a example out of a profile which we are not trying to do - directly mentioning them would mean everyone on here would know who we are talking about. We seem to get along with the couple really well just asking for other for the views of others on here. We have quite a few friends where both sides want to meet but due to limited time not something we can do each week we would like to know where we stand as we could arrange something else if they have decided it's not for them anymore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure they've wasted your time yet so a little unfair to name the thread as you have. If you do meet and they verify you, it won't take a genius to work out who this thread is referring to. Message them again asking if its still on and say if you don't hear back you'll assume they have changed their mind and wish them well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not sure they've wasted your time yet so a little unfair to name the thread as you have. If you do meet and they verify you, it won't take a genius to work out who this thread is referring to. Message them again asking if its still on and say if you don't hear back you'll assume they have changed their mind and wish them well."

A genius no but a very strange individual who makes a note of this thread & our username and continually checks to see if we have a new verification next Saturday yes, which we most likely will but who is to say it won't be a brand spanking new couple we have arranged a meet with and not the one in question additionally we can choose which verifications to make public.

Either way it makes no difference and isn't what we started this thread for.

Advice has been given, job done. Thanks all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Either way it makes no difference and isn't what we started this thread for.

Advice has been given, job done. Thanks all

Xx"

This is fab swingers, its littered with strange individuals

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Just wait for them to message you.....or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some couples will read a message and won't reply till both have seen it and had a chance to talk About

Different shifts, two jobs , and kids . Most of the time it's difficult as a couple to discuss important house hold things without worrying about a strangers message

I would suggest leaving it till later in the week and messaging again

Next time you arrange a meet arrange date time and venue and say that we will touch bases the day before just in case anything changes

then you write a message saying just confirming ok to meet at place and time if Its still ok can you send me your number and I will text you my number in case of issues recognising you in pub

No number sent back no meet

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

"But a point worth considering is how you would feel if having been in a private conversation with a couple you logged on to find them asking the forum if they thought you were time wasters."

Tough. Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But a point worth considering is how you would feel if having been in a private conversation with a couple you logged on to find them asking the forum if they thought you were time wasters.

Tough. Lol"

This

If we hadn't replied to messages in 5 days after arranging a meet we would expect some flack .

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"But a point worth considering is how you would feel if having been in a private conversation with a couple you logged on to find them asking the forum if they thought you were time wasters.

Tough. Lol

This

If we hadn't replied to messages in 5 days after arranging a meet we would expect some flack .

Publicly!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But a point worth considering is how you would feel if having been in a private conversation with a couple you logged on to find them asking the forum if they thought you were time wasters.

Tough. Lol

This

If we hadn't replied to messages in 5 days after arranging a meet we would expect some flack .

Publicly!?"

Oh we've had worse !

But seriously , what could possibly happen to prevent a simple reply ?

30 seconds to reply , no thanks or 8 at our place .

It's just basic etiquette , sadly lacking at times .

So yes we would take a public bashing if we couldn't be bothered to reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Send them another last message that you are still up for a meet, but no pressure, whenever they feel like it.

Take care, blah, blah...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I first started some 7 years ago,once a meet was arranged it was almost set in stone with no need to really keep tabs leading up to the day..Sadly,now things are so different with uncertainty often prevalent..

Not sure why its changed so much....

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"But a point worth considering is how you would feel if having been in a private conversation with a couple you logged on to find them asking the forum if they thought you were time wasters.

Tough. Lol

This

If we hadn't replied to messages in 5 days after arranging a meet we would expect some flack .

Publicly!?

Oh we've had worse !

But seriously , what could possibly happen to prevent a simple reply ?

30 seconds to reply , no thanks or 8 at our place .

It's just basic etiquette , sadly lacking at times .

So yes we would take a public bashing if we couldn't be bothered to reply "

But we don't know both sides of this. I'm really uncomfortable making assumptions about somebody....judging If you like.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But a point worth considering is how you would feel if having been in a private conversation with a couple you logged on to find them asking the forum if they thought you were time wasters.

Tough. Lol

This

If we hadn't replied to messages in 5 days after arranging a meet we would expect some flack .

Publicly!?

Oh we've had worse !

But seriously , what could possibly happen to prevent a simple reply ?

30 seconds to reply , no thanks or 8 at our place .

It's just basic etiquette , sadly lacking at times .

So yes we would take a public bashing if we couldn't be bothered to reply

But we don't know both sides of this. I'm really uncomfortable making assumptions about somebody....judging If you like....."

Nice one

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"But a point worth considering is how you would feel if having been in a private conversation with a couple you logged on to find them asking the forum if they thought you were time wasters.

Tough. Lol

This

If we hadn't replied to messages in 5 days after arranging a meet we would expect some flack .

Publicly!?

Oh we've had worse !

But seriously , what could possibly happen to prevent a simple reply ?

30 seconds to reply , no thanks or 8 at our place .

It's just basic etiquette , sadly lacking at times .

So yes we would take a public bashing if we couldn't be bothered to reply

But we don't know both sides of this. I'm really uncomfortable making assumptions about somebody....judging If you like.....

Nice one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yea.

Move on. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think personally if you are concerned enough to start a thread calling them timewasters then you should go with your gut instincts. Let;s face it if they read the forums it isn't going to happen now anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the massage has been read and no reply received we move on, for us it's basic manners and as another fabber has mentioned it only takes x amount of seconds.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This post should not be here. Why its nasty to put out about time wasters.

They dont need anything splattered in the forum.

Could be a legitimate reason why no response.

Happy Swinging

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

It's highly unlikely they read the forum, so few do, so I really wouldn't be concerned about that. If someone posted about us as we'd read messages but hadn't replied I'd think that's fair enough.

I would also assume that after 5 days they've bottled it. If their plans were in flux if would only take a few seconds to say they weren't sure yet but would be in touch ASAP.

No contact is bad manners. Move on and arrange something else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would leave it, if someone really was interested they would keep in touch daily even with just casual chat or texts. Remember many get cold feet and just like the idea but bottle out in the last second usually.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get lots of daily males lol

Most are snooze papers..

Let me see.. Daily messages oh yea the ones of mixed messages. Mind you this weeks chats and banter have made me wonder... Wonder why?

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By *eneral HysteriaMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Wanting people's advice and opinions please.

What would you do?

Is your time waster radar pointing in their direction?

Go with yer gut feeling.

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