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STDs/Hiv

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I was wondering When meeting a new fb how do you approach the question about partners and stds, without offending?

Or do you not ask just use a condom and shag !

Thank you

Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't ask

Don't see the point

Am I really going to take the word of a compleat stranger who wants a shag

People on here will say what they think you want to hear in order to get a meet so even if they say they are tested regular its then upto you to decide if you believe them

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If they're going to be offended they will be no matter how you approach it. I would say condoms for penetration are a given and whatever other safeguards you want to put in place are negotiated between the two of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your looking at going bare then I do not think anyone would feel offended... However you would be having to trust someone else's word...

We at the beginning used to go to the clinic together.. made a day trip out of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go for it and ask, bareback is sex with feelings, just spin Russian roulette lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you should ask about warts and herpes as condoms cant protect again that

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I was wondering When meeting a new fb how do you approach the question about partners and stds, without offending?

Or do you not ask just use a condom and shag !

Thank you

I would always always use a condom!!

Just asking do you ask the question or not bother if you wear

A conform!

X

Xx"

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

C and I are tested regularly, we only bareback with each other and use condoms with our playmates

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol


"I don't ask

Don't see the point

Am I really going to take the word of a compleat stranger who wants a shag

People on here will say what they think you want to hear in order to get a meet so even if they say they are tested regular its then upto you to decide if you believe them"
totally agree.

Simply protect yourself it doesn't matter about their history..

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By *hrobinhoodMan
over a year ago

arnold, Nottingham

And people also forget you can catch stds/hiv through oral sex too bet many don't use condoms while giving bjs

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews


"And people also forget you can catch stds/hiv through oral sex too bet many don't use condoms while giving bjs"

I queried whether I should get oral swabs when I was at the clinic 2 weeks ago, and was told that they only offer them to men. The nurse said that it would be gonorrhoea that would show orally, and if I had it there it would show up vaginally also, so no need for oral swabs.

I believe this may vary depending on region though, and yes I do always tell them that I'm a swinger so they are fully aware of my lifestyle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was wondering When meeting a new fb how do you approach the question about partners and stds, without offending?

Or do you not ask just use a condom and shag !

Thank you

Xx"

"Hi, I was wondering how you feel about sexual health testing?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/11/15 21:05:20]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I was wondering When meeting a new fb how do you approach the question about partners and stds, without offending?

Or do you not ask just use a condom and shag !

Thank you

Xx

"Hi, I was wondering how you feel about sexual health testing?""

I believe people should be responsible and get tested, me included X

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By *hoenixandflamesCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

Well, I guess that's why it's "Safer" sex rather than "Safe".

There's always going to be a risk, but just go with a condom regardless, assuming that your eyes don't see something scary!

If you want to do something further then I'd ask.

If someone says no to a condom and "look I'm clean" then kick em out the door.

If someone objects to being queried... Kick em out the door.

:-/

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By *illyjohnyCouple
over a year ago

brighton


"I was wondering When meeting a new fb how do you approach the question about partners and stds, without offending?

Or do you not ask just use a condom and shag !

Thank you

Xx

"Hi, I was wondering how you feel about sexual health testing?"

I believe people should be responsible and get tested, me included X "
As long as you are happy that you are clean then ask away if they are offended then maybe they are not for you ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was wondering When meeting a new fb how do you approach the question about partners and stds, without offending?

Or do you not ask just use a condom and shag !

Thank you

Xx

"Hi, I was wondering how you feel about sexual health testing?"

I believe people should be responsible and get tested, me included X "

No, that's what I ask them...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And people also forget you can catch stds/hiv through oral sex too bet many don't use condoms while giving bjs"

I brought this up on a recent thread & got ridiculed (by a single guy) for saying that you should wear condoms for oral sex with partners you don't know the sexual history of!

Glad to see that there are some people that realise you can still catch diseases from unprotected oral.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And people also forget you can catch stds/hiv through oral sex too bet many don't use condoms while giving bjs

I brought this up on a recent thread & got ridiculed (by a single guy) for saying that you should wear condoms for oral sex with partners you don't know the sexual history of!

Glad to see that there are some people that realise you can still catch diseases from unprotected oral. "

I use condoms for oral because I have gum disease - like about 40% of the adult population in the UK. If a guy isn't happy that I want to put my heath before his blow job - then quite frankly he can fuck off out of my bed and find someone else.

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By *illyjohnyCouple
over a year ago

brighton

We know that if we were aware of having something we would not play until we were clean [not that we ever have had any std's] but there are probably plenty who would still play . getting tested is free but there are some who think they'll never catch anything so don't get tested ignorance is no defence

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Condoms are a given.

I don't see much point in asking a potential partner about their STD status because if they're the type to lie they'll lie....if they are the honest type they will be upfront because they won't want to pass anything on. Indeed they probably won't be meeting until they are clear.

It is worth checking that they use condoms, if they have a preferred brand...etc. I've been on a meet where I whipped out my Durex condoms when I was ready and my lady friend insisted on using hers which kind of spoiled the moment. That could have been cleared up by asking her earlier.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I was wondering When meeting a new fb how do you approach the question about partners and stds, without offending?

Or do you not ask just use a condom and shag !

Thank you

Xx

"Hi, I was wondering how you feel about sexual health testing?"

I believe people should be responsible and get tested, me included X As long as you are happy that you are clean then ask away if they are offended then maybe they are not for you ?"

Thanks didn't think of it like that! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And people also forget you can catch stds/hiv through oral sex too bet many don't use condoms while giving bjs"

Oh I am all clued up on whats what.

Bet you did not know about HPV. Cancer from anal. Oh and herpes and warts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And people also forget you can catch stds/hiv through oral sex too bet many don't use condoms while giving bjs"

Well said......so many brag about oral skills....that raises a red flag straight away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And people also forget you can catch stds/hiv through oral sex too bet many don't use condoms while giving bjs

I brought this up on a recent thread & got ridiculed (by a single guy) for saying that you should wear condoms for oral sex with partners you don't know the sexual history of!

Glad to see that there are some people that realise you can still catch diseases from unprotected oral. "

I'm well aware you can I just would rather not use a condom for oral and will refuse to do so. Also If a guy wanted to use a dental dam I'd again refuse.... I'm well aware of the risk but find it worth it for my pleasure...

I do know people that have caught things orally but ironically of all the people I know most caught it in a vanilla setting.

Now that I share women with Mr too I guess my risks are even higher but I assess and take my own choices... However it's why I won't want to meet those that disclose they prefer bareback.. even though I will go safe... Yes I know people lie... But it is a risk factor and I assess it.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

Always use a condom, never go with anyone's word, even when they're tested recently it doesn't mean they are clean. With Hiv it takes inbetween 2 weeks and 6 month until antibodies show up, in that period you can have a negative test but you're infected.

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By *hamrock6973Couple
over a year ago

Surrey

As much as it would be nice to think everyone would be honest you can't trust anybody's word.. we always play safe except for with each other & get tested regularly.We actually left a playroom on Friday as we noticed people playing bareback that weren't a couple,not for us!

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

Yes I've heard people catching diseases from oral never quet knew u could . But I rather have d one partner not a few at a time . Some women I've been with n only with them they said they did not like condoms but most of d others I wear condoms . I rather one partner at a time not into having more partners

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was wondering When meeting a new fb how do you approach the question about partners and stds, without offending?

Or do you not ask just use a condom and shag !

Thank you

Xx"

I use the old method I've learned from most swingers.

Oral sex bare .... Then right before I'm about to get my condom.

I ask the woman . You're clean right?

Works every time

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By *ancyDrewWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Am appalled that people are STILL saying "clean" when they are meaning HIV. Having HIV does not make one dirty. Sleeping with someone who is HIV+ and is on medication is NOT risky. Sleeping with people whose status you don't know and not using condoms IS a risk. There are too many people out there who don't even know what their status is. Get tested, learn the facts, it isn't the death sentence it was previously. It COULD be though, if you don't get tested regularly. Or, you could look into PrEp. In the meantime though, let's not use stigmatising language like clean"

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I had a message earlier from someone saying they were "extremely clean"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had a message earlier from someone saying they were "extremely clean" "

Bet that person must have done multiple showers in a day before messaging you then!!!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I had a message earlier from someone saying they were "extremely clean" "

Clean like gold pants?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

LOL Crazy people....

I insist my FB wears a condom I know how naughty he is.

No bb here ever!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had a message earlier from someone saying they were "extremely clean" "
Must mean they had an shower lol.

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By *herealdeal90Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

If you ask someone they are clean, and they say yes and are willing to go bareback with you who is a complete stranger. Don't u think that's risky behaviour? And not safe at all. So how can you take anyone's word on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So how risky is oral sex both ways ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So how risky is oral sex both ways ?"

Very!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So how risky is oral sex both ways ?"

It depends on other risk factors.

As I've said before - I have gum disesase (along with 30% of the population) so I have lots of tiny cuts in my mouth. That means I'll always use barrier protection with very casual partners.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No protection, no barriers = No play. Simples!

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire


"I don't ask

Don't see the point

Am I really going to take the word of a compleat stranger who wants a shag

People on here will say what they think you want to hear in order to get a meet so even if they say they are tested regular its then upto you to decide if you believe them"

Agreed it's completely irrelevant what they say, if you're going to use a condom then you've taken control of the situation and are protecting yourself, at least at much as you can do given that swinging in itself will always carry a small risk

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By *ratty_DamselWoman
over a year ago

London.

I can't believe that Hep B has not been mentioned....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't believe that Hep B has not been mentioned.... "

Hep B is typically cleared by the body spontaneously. It's rare for it to be bad enough for treatment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Am appalled that people are STILL saying "clean" when they are meaning HIV. Having HIV does not make one dirty. Sleeping with someone who is HIV+ and is on medication is NOT risky. Sleeping with people whose status you don't know and not using condoms IS a risk. There are too many people out there who don't even know what their status is. Get tested, learn the facts, it isn't the death sentence it was previously. It COULD be though, if you don't get tested regularly. Or, you could look into PrEp. In the meantime though, let's not use stigmatising language like clean""

People could use the word clear instead of clean.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And people also forget you can catch stds/hiv through oral sex too bet many don't use condoms while giving bjs"

we def do ....but it amazing how many people get grumpy when we say protection for oral and thats on females too....one couple said do we need to wear rubber gloves to touch you too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With Hep B you can get a jab; lasts about 10 years but you should consider a new one after 8. If you have travelled a lot then you may have had it. Costs around £40.

I have travelled a fair bit (lol... that's an understatement), and had quite a few inoculations.

As for "safer" sex; I like this description, use your common sense I guess. All sexual activities carry a risk in a greater or lesser degree. How you mitigate that risk; through observation, prophelatics, shields etc is down to choice. If you are considering meeting someone and they have veris check them out, you may find pics on the person who verified them that demonstrates a lack of protection on your potential meets behalf. From there you can make an "informed" choice.

Some people will fib, so if you are nervy of a potential new meet, do a social first, get to know someone a little better before making a decision. Not fool proof but at least you get a "feel" for the person.

I wish people were a little more honest, to allow for informed choice, however, I also want a bed made out of chocolate....

In return, if you have never swung before or its been a while, make sure you are starting with a blank canvas (respect works both ways). Have the tests done; let the doctor know what you are doing and listen to their advice (we are all adults). After that, have tests done on a regular basis (I go for twice to three times a year, depending on my promiscuity).

Take the stress out of the situation by agreeing with your partner or potential meets what risk reduction you are going to implement.

Blimey...science project post, my apologies xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would be really interested in how many people use dental dams??? And where you get them from??

They aren't given out at my clinic like condoms are. I've looked them up on the internet too. They don't seem to be that widely available, which is such a shame. The ones I've seen are very expensive and you don't get many.

Opinions/experiences would be good

Also, I've read many threads on here regarding the same topic and heard women say that they take their own internal swab? I was asked to do this at my last check, results were negative. When I visited my gp because of problems regarding bleeding while on the mini pill she said it could be caused by infection. I told her about my last visit to the clinic and she told me that doing it yourself wasn't a good idea because the test is best done with a good sweep of the cervix, which on your own your probably not going to get!!! Luckily still clear but next clinic visit I shall insist that they do a swab for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And people also forget you can catch stds/hiv through oral sex too bet many don't use condoms while giving bjs

we def do ....but it amazing how many people get grumpy when we say protection for oral and thats on females too....one couple said do we need to wear rubber gloves to touch you too "

See we would not get grumpy but also would see no point meeting someone that wanted to use protection for oral as neither would see any point..

And to be fair the couple asking about rubber gloves may have been serious as you can have as much risk with cross contamination as you do unprotected oral.

However we just accept that some peoples preferences aren't the same as ours x

We wouldn't meet a couple that wanted oral with and we wouldn't meet for bareback sex either x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would be really interested in how many people use dental dams??? And where you get them from??

They aren't given out at my clinic like condoms are. I've looked them up on the internet too. They don't seem to be that widely available, which is such a shame. The ones I've seen are very expensive and you don't get many.

Opinions/experiences would be good

Also, I've read many threads on here regarding the same topic and heard women say that they take their own internal swab? I was asked to do this at my last check, results were negative. When I visited my gp because of problems regarding bleeding while on the mini pill she said it could be caused by infection. I told her about my last visit to the clinic and she told me that doing it yourself wasn't a good idea because the test is best done with a good sweep of the cervix, which on your own your probably not going to get!!! Luckily still clear but next clinic visit I shall insist that they do a swab

for me"

we use dental.dams.when.we can get them.some adult shops do them...love honey too i think ....if not a condom.cut open seems.to work well....do u use them have you had any funny remarks regarding them xx

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"Also, I've read many threads on here regarding the same topic and heard women say that they take their own internal swab? I was asked to do this at my last check, results were negative. When I visited my gp because of problems regarding bleeding while on the mini pill she said it could be caused by infection. I told her about my last visit to the clinic and she told me that doing it yourself wasn't a good idea because the test is best done with a good sweep of the cervix, which on your own your probably not going to get!!! Luckily still clear but next clinic visit I shall insist that they do a swab for me"

That's why I always insist on a screening with symptoms, so I get the full works. I know I am clueless enough to not do it properly myself.

And I'm not lying. I suffer from BV pretty much constantly so always do have SOME symptoms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And people also forget you can catch stds/hiv through oral sex too bet many don't use condoms while giving bjs

Oh I am all clued up on whats what.

Bet you did not know about HPV. Cancer from anal. Oh and herpes and warts. "

Some may not realise they have herpes as it can be a mild infection that does not recur. Still can shed virus though.

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By *hoenixandflamesCouple
over a year ago

Stockport


" but also would see no point meeting someone that wanted to use protection for oral as neither would see any point..

"

Until they could come up with some totally natural (i.e. skin tasting / texture) cover for oral, I'd just be a "nah, you're okay thanks".

I know there's a risk from some things...

But visually you would be most likely aware of Herpes... and other bits and bobs... And an HIV risk is virtually nil...

But ultimately, it's why it's 'safer' sex, not 'safe' sex.

As long as one isn't crazy irresponsible without disclosure to a partner (like I have seen with married men on gay mens sites wanting anonymous bareback).

But yeah... Got to shrug your shoulders and go with the flow sometimes.

Flames

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By *unjamesMan
over a year ago

Banbury

Think she meant hep c ??

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By *unjamesMan
over a year ago

Banbury

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thing with the barriers for oral is it also carries into kissing too .

Example I had a couple before that wanted barriers if we did any oral then they wanted full on kissing saliva swapping. I laughed and said I can't offer any open mouth kissing as their is no barrier and I wouldn't want to risk them to a nasty

They didn't understand my point so I explained I have unprotected oral sex generally so why on earth if they are that anal about Barriers etc want to risk kissing my mouth :-

Didn't get a reply to that but got a nice block

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bareback wots wrong with u all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"C and I are tested regularly, we only bareback with each other and use condoms with our playmates "

Yep I get tested regular too. Just for peace of mind and know I'm not passing stuff on. Tests have always come back negative but I only play safe.

Also you can ask for hep' B jab. One less thing to worry about.

Gum clinic staff are great and never judge. You can give as much or as little info about yourself as you like.

Very discrete I fully recommend it.

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By *xpanding our horizonsCouple
over a year ago

East Anglia


"And people also forget you can catch stds/hiv through oral sex too bet many don't use condoms while giving bjs

I queried whether I should get oral swabs when I was at the clinic 2 weeks ago, and was told that they only offer them to men. The nurse said that it would be gonorrhoea that would show orally, and if I had it there it would show up vaginally also, so no need for oral swabs.

I believe this may vary depending on region though, and yes I do always tell them that I'm a swinger so they are fully aware of my lifestyle "

I'm at the clinic reading this lol. Just for a regular check up and a hep b booster. Last time I had oral swabs. Perhaps it depends on the clinic. This lot want to test for everything everytime you want a pack of condoms lol. Have to say, neither M or I have ever had an STI. Don't even get cold sores.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think you should ask about warts and herpes as condoms cant protect again that"

Nor can a blow job. .. you need to carefully vet....verifications help you in so many ways...

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire


"And people also forget you can catch stds/hiv through oral sex too bet many don't use condoms while giving bjs

I queried whether I should get oral swabs when I was at the clinic 2 weeks ago, and was told that they only offer them to men. The nurse said that it would be gonorrhoea that would show orally, and if I had it there it would show up vaginally also, so no need for oral swabs.

I believe this may vary depending on region though, and yes I do always tell them that I'm a swinger so they are fully aware of my lifestyle

I'm at the clinic reading this lol. Just for a regular check up and a hep b booster. Last time I had oral swabs. Perhaps it depends on the clinic. This lot want to test for everything everytime you want a pack of condoms lol. Have to say, neither M or I have ever had an STI. Don't even get cold sores. "

Similar at the one I've been to as well, they ask you but in essence they want to test for everything! I don't mind though it's good to be thorough

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you for posting this query, I'm new to this lifestyle (although I haven't had a proper meet yet) and thanks to whoever mentioned about oral swabs, I'd never thought about those.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Considering most HiV cases are gay men and black Africans

Just stay clear of them and your chances are a lot better

And wear a condom - even safer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As much as it would be nice to think everyone would be honest you can't trust anybody's word.. we always play safe except for with each other & get tested regularly.We actually left a playroom on Friday as we noticed people playing bareback that weren't a couple,not for us!"

I have done exactly that in the past. It's not attractive to see and it raises questions I'd rather not have to think about.

"Don't be silly, wrap your willy!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Play safe and don't be afraid to ask

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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago

Southampton


"I would be really interested in how many people use dental dams??? And where you get them from??

They aren't given out at my clinic like condoms are. I've looked them up on the internet too. They don't seem to be that widely available, which is such a shame. The ones I've seen are very expensive and you don't get many.

Opinions/experiences would be good

Also, I've read many threads on here regarding the same topic and heard women say that they take their own internal swab? I was asked to do this at my last check, results were negative. When I visited my gp because of problems regarding bleeding while on the mini pill she said it could be caused by infection. I told her about my last visit to the clinic and she told me that doing it yourself wasn't a good idea because the test is best done with a good sweep of the cervix, which on your own your probably not going to get!!! Luckily still clear but next clinic visit I shall insist that they do a swab for me"

My last test, the internal swab was done by the nurse, previously I've had to do it myself

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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago

Southampton


"And people also forget you can catch stds/hiv through oral sex too bet many don't use condoms while giving bjs

I queried whether I should get oral swabs when I was at the clinic 2 weeks ago, and was told that they only offer them to men. The nurse said that it would be gonorrhoea that would show orally, and if I had it there it would show up vaginally also, so no need for oral swabs.

I believe this may vary depending on region though, and yes I do always tell them that I'm a swinger so they are fully aware of my lifestyle "

My gp nurse does my oral swabs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Considering most HiV cases are gay men and black Africans

Just stay clear of them and your chances are a lot better

And wear a condom - even safer"

The only guarantee way of not catching a std is to not have sex

Everything else you do just reduces the risk not remove it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On a different note a previous meet of mine passed a message "down the line" that someone else she had met had tested positive for "G".

That was a big thing for him to do (whoever he was)...and also for her to do for me...though we do still keep in touch and it turns out I know/knew her mum...not through fab lol!).

We both went for an extra checkup...between my normal regular ones...and both came up clear.

.

But it does show that honesty is best...and does happen. And be open about these things!

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By *udistnorthantsMan
over a year ago

Desborough

Well I had my first test of the year last Monday and the negative text received this Tuesday. Easy peasy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well I had my first test of the year last Monday and the negative text received this Tuesday. Easy peasy "

That's quick

Paid for? Or NHS

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well I had my first test of the year last Monday and the negative text received this Tuesday. Easy peasy

That's quick

Paid for? Or NHS"
just over a week is about average but even the nhs does some instant results now

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By *ancyDrewWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Considering most HiV cases are gay men and black Africans

Just stay clear of them and your chances are a lot better

And wear a condom - even safer"

No, they aren't. Where are you getting this from? The 90s?? Do some research before posting. There are more than 50% of new cases that are straight men and women.

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