FabSwingers.com forum: Couples swinging separately

By *nceinawhile OP Couple
over a year ago

Ipswich

Right here goes I'm not comfortable seeing K with a woman that isn't me but don't want him to miss out especially as I've been having fun with other men and him, I have suggested for K to have a meet without me even though he said he wouldn't be happy if I was to have a meet alone even if it was with someone we had previously met together.

I suppose really I'm looking to see if anyone else is or has been in this kind of situation

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Only do what is acceptable to you both. What is acceptable to other people might not work for you.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

You could always start with seperate room swapping and see how that sits with you both

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By *aveandkate35Couple
over a year ago

telford

"Only do what is acceptable to you both. What is acceptable to other people might not work for you."

This - ultimately they are your rules and your relationship. Don't offer something because you don't want him to miss out.

I've been in a similar situation and those looking in May see it that one side gets more "benefits" than the other. But it works for us.

He won't be comfortable doing something, even if he wants too, knowing you are not.

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By *nceinawhile OP Couple
over a year ago

Ipswich

Oh I understand that we wouldn't do anything the other wasn't happy with just wanted to air it and see what come back see if anyone else has been in this kind of position

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By *nceinawhile OP Couple
over a year ago

Ipswich

"Only do what is acceptable to you both. What is acceptable to other people might not work for you.

This - ultimately they are your rules and your relationship. Don't offer something because you don't want him to miss out.

I've been in a similar situation and those looking in May see it that one side gets more "benefits" than the other. But it works for us.

He won't be comfortable doing something, even if he wants too, knowing you are not.

Ok maybe I didn't word it quite right and its something I feel happy for him to do as we have talked about it so he knows I have 2 requests one I know when where and who the meet is with and two that I don't want any details about what happened afterwards

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Hmmm... my honest view would be that its a recipe for disaster.

You have to question why you don't want to see him with someone else yet you're happy to know he's going to meet someone else but you don't want any details?

I guess if you have issues knowing details, how do you cope with sitting at home knowing he's with someone else, you don't know who or where, but you do know he's having sex with someone else? Can you deal with that? I'd definitely be questioning myself if I were in your shoes and I'd figure it out before going any further.

It's tricky to give advice because whenever I've played as a couple I get off on watching my partner fucking someone else. I don't have the jealousy thing going on so I wanted to be part of his fun making it our fun and vice versa.

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By *nceinawhile OP Couple
over a year ago

Ipswich

"Hmmm... my honest view would be that its a recipe for disaster.

You have to question why you don't want to see him with someone else yet you're happy to know he's going to meet someone else but you don't want any details?

I can watch him with a man but don't feel comfortable watching him with a woman and I think you misread it as I would know who and where I would be happier knowing than finding out later that it had happened behind my back

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Yup... you're quite right I did read that bit wrong.

Good that you know who/where for peace of mind.

I've not looked at your profile so apologies if I'm assuming that you're straight? Maybe try swapping with a couple in separate rooms? I'd guess there are lots of couples who do that. Maybe do the social thing first?

Sorry I'm not much use but I'm willing to bet you're not alone. Hope you find a solution. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you lost me at asking him to do something he wasnt comfy with

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By *nceinawhile OP Couple
over a year ago

Ipswich

"you lost me at asking him to do something he wasnt comfy with "

I haven't asked him to do anything he's not comfortable with I just know that he wouldn't be comfortable if I meet with someone alone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he is happy for you to play with others while he is there and you are happy for him to play with women when you're not, then do that. I don't see the question.

However, as a side note, I personally don't quite understand how you can be happy for him to be with a woman when you're not there, but not happy when you are there. I would think that I wouldn't be able to reconcile the two and my issue with it would come up eventually. But it isn't about me. It's about you. So if you're both happy with it....what's the problem?

Apologies if I'm misunderstanding something.

-Courtney

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By *nceinawhile OP Couple
over a year ago

Ipswich

So basically I'm odd because I want him to have straight fun to but can't be there when it happens

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Have you considered a blindfold?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So basically I'm odd because I want him to have straight fun to but can't be there when it happens"

Was that to me?

I didn't say you were odd. I said I couldn't do it but if you are both happy then what is the issue. If you chose to read that as me calling you odd, then so be it.

Good luck. I'm out.

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One word answer.

Trust.

Seems to me you both lack trust. X

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

WE do separate rooms now and again but wouldn't go to separate locations/parties.

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By *nceinawhile OP Couple
over a year ago

Ipswich

"So basically I'm odd because I want him to have straight fun to but can't be there when it happens

Was that to me?

I didn't say you were odd. I said I couldn't do it but if you are both happy then what is the issue. If you chose to read that as me calling you odd, then so be it.

Good luck. I'm out.

-Courtney"

No it wasn't it was just a general comment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok so your happy to play with guys in front of hubby, but not happy to see him play with girls in front of you?

Am I reading that right? If so...........

Stop stop stop, take a step back and sort out your issues before carrying on, don't force the issue by trying to play all together in front of each other with another couple, how unfair would that be on the other couple if they get a hint of your issue?

Maybe you should consider what is your underlining issue to seeing him playing with another lady in front of you xx

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By *nceinawhile OP Couple
over a year ago

Ipswich

"One word answer.

Trust.

Seems to me you both lack trust. X"

I see where you are coming from but I don't believe it's a trust issue if I didn't trust him do you think I would suggest him going on meets alone? and if he didn't trust me he wouldn't let me go out drinking on my own especially as often as I do and with people from here knowing where I will be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op. I have the opposite problem to you... I am happy to see Mr play but the idea of him doing so without me present I hate... Feel I would miss out and I will be honest have trust issues if I'm not there... Yet love to watch him totally full of lust and passion even if I'm not directly involved.

I keep trying to work around this but it niggles at me... So we talk and talk. We try things and if one or the other isn't happy then we don't do that again.

Irony for us is we used to meet separately and I used to enjoy waiting to hear but I was less keen at that point in seeing him with others as I felt that he was to into them. Now that very thing that in the first place made me feel odd, is now the very thing I enjoy most about seeing him with someone else.

So talk and talk and see why you don't want to see him ...

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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago

Nr Manchester

[Removed by poster at 17/11/15 16:59:31]

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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago

Nr Manchester

"Only do what is acceptable to you both. What is acceptable to other people might not work for you.

This - ultimately they are your rules and your relationship. Don't offer something because you don't want him to miss out.

I've been in a similar situation and those looking in May see it that one side gets more "benefits" than the other. But it works for us.

He won't be comfortable doing something, even if he wants too, knowing you are not.

I for one can see the reasoning behind these requests.

Him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jools has had a couple of solo meets and now has her own profile, but we don't pretend that she is a single woman, in her profile she says we are a couple on here as well.

I don't mind her having meets but safety first.

I don't seem to be in demand so don't think I will

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you lost me at asking him to do something he wasnt comfy with

I haven't asked him to do anything he's not comfortable with I just know that he wouldn't be comfortable if I meet with someone alone "

sorry - you just suggested this to him

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

You both need to do what's comfortable for you as separate players and as a couple. If you're comfortable with him meeting alone with a few caveats and (if I've have understood correctly) he is happy for you to meet while he's there then I don't see the issue with you playing differently. Just keep the dialogue going in case one or both of you change your minds.

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By *nceinawhile OP Couple
over a year ago

Ipswich

"You both need to do what's comfortable for you as separate players and as a couple. If you're comfortable with him meeting alone with a few caveats and (if I've have understood correctly) he is happy for you to meet while he's there then I don't see the issue with you playing differently. Just keep the dialogue going in case one or both of you change your minds."

Thank but you have misunderstood slightly I'm happy for him to meet alone he's not happy for me to do that as he likes to watch me

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

Thank but you have misunderstood slightly I'm happy for him to meet alone he's not happy for me to do that as he likes to watch me"

But have you actually seen him with a woman?

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By *abloversCouple
over a year ago

London

For me, and I'm only being honest it seems that you want other men and as a payoff your willing to allow him to go with other women despite the fact it does nothing for you? Swinging is fantastic but only if your both happy.

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By *nceinawhile OP Couple
over a year ago

Ipswich

(Male half replying here)

She kind of has, it was a case of I went down on another women who was going down on her. That was sufficient for her not to be comfortable with the situation, it was a few years ago.

We are both comfortable with the status quo, but she feels that it is unfair on me, that all the attention is on her with other men, while I only get to play with her and possibly another man at the same time.

I have been the one to encourage her so far into everything we have done and, it has been really enjoyable.

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By *nceinawhile OP Couple
over a year ago

Ipswich

I actually enjoy watching her with other men and I was the one who encouraged it from the start. So it isn't necessarily the case that it is just her that wants the other men (we are both bi-curious). But she realizes and appreciates that generally all the attention is on her when we do have a meet.

She knows that at this stage it is uncomfortable for her to see (or hear) me with another women, but is happy for me to disappear off with one, without knowing all the details. Whereas I on the other hand wouldn't be comfortable for her to do the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why is it uncomfortable for her to see or hear you with another woman but okay with a man? X

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By *nceinawhile OP Couple
over a year ago

Ipswich

"Why is it uncomfortable for her to see or hear you with another woman but okay with a man? X"

A very good question that we have discussed a number of times before, but can't quite put a finger on it. Whether it comes down to insecurity and the idea that I may run off with the other Fem or think that she is better, neither of us really know.

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