FabSwingers.com forum: How to cope seeing your partner with someone else

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi just interested in people's opinions on coping with seeing your partner with someone else

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If it's a case of coping it might be that the person is t ready.

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

Cope? That makes it sound like a traumatic event

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By *uncpl83Couple
over a year ago

wolverhampton

You shouldn't have to 'cope' with it, either your happy to see it or not! If you feel you have to cope then maybe it's a no no

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you feel like you have to find a way to cope with it , then it's not for you .

We both get off on seeing each other with other people , if we didn't , we wouldn't do it .

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

I instigate most of the meets between Mr Law and guys ... for women its more difficult as singles often want to play with both of us, but the few I have been around for, I love to see or, be busy myself, either with him or someone else - not a case of having to cope at all ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not something that's ever crossed our mind. I am guessing if someone thinks they will need a coping mechanism then perhaps it's not something to do.

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

If you have to 'cope' then shouldn't be swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I ever felt like I was coping I would feel like I didn't want to do it...we love watching each other with other people, that's the fun for us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As said, if its a case of coping, then there's something far wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are lots of men who make partners do this against there will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I just ask all the peeps who have posted above....without this sounding critical....does that mean you have never, not even once felt a little twinge of jealousy?

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

I got turned on watching a lady friend with another guy n I did not give it another thought but if u have to think about it I don't think swinging is for u .

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

"Can I just ask all the peeps who have posted above....without this sounding critical....does that mean you have never, not even once felt a little twinge of jealousy?

No I don't feel jealousy, I love watching him fuck other women, I have even just started sending him out on his own to play.

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By *illyjohnyCouple
over a year ago

brighton

The only thing I have to cope with is how long can I just watch without joining in ? Not long

John

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I'd be happy, pleased, proud, excited....

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

maybe the OP hasnt done it yet and this is part of the process.. it might be an idea to cast minds back the the first time nerves, that all couples must have had surely about their first meet other than with their partner..and answer it from that perspective of being new, rather than being the experienced swingers that you all seem to be..

is this where you are at OP..? i may have got it totally wrong but this seems to be a question for someone new to the scene x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Can I just ask all the peeps who have posted above....without this sounding critical....does that mean you have never, not even once felt a little twinge of jealousy?

Nope, never.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can I just ask all the peeps who have posted above....without this sounding critical....does that mean you have never, not even once felt a little twinge of jealousy?

Can honestly say we never have,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Much would depend on how you see your partner. If it was someone I loved, then no way.

Someone I'm with but not in love with? Maybe some slight jealousy.

Someone who I'd class as an FB, then not a problem.

So, to answer you question - hell, I don't know, because I'm not you. But I know that depending on the circumstances, that would dictate my outlook.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can I just ask all the peeps who have posted above....without this sounding critical....does that mean you have never, not even once felt a little twinge of jealousy?

Not once

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are lots of men who make partners do this against there will. "

Really , that's terrible

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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago

Nr Manchester

"maybe the OP hasnt done it yet and this is part of the process.. it might be an idea to cast minds back the the first time nerves, that all couples must have had surely about their first meet other than with their partner..and answer it from that perspective of being new, rather than being the experienced swingers that you all seem to be..

is this where you are at OP..? i may have got it totally wrong but this seems to be a question for someone new to the scene x"

It's nice to see an empathic, understanding and non-judgemental response. Him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not a case of us coping we both enjoy watching each other play with others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think at the start people worry... Will you be okay.. but that's why you have to talk and be honest. Even the most hardened swinger can suffer with normal emotions. Insecurity, jealousy, self doubt, anxiety.

And I think a lot of people forget how it was at the start.

I can't really comment as we met swinging and part of what attracted us to each other was how we are with others..

If you are not sure... Then don't go there as it can wait.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as a couple its no problem for me the male of the couple but sue my partner cannot bear the thought of me with another womem but all the rest works fine for us,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are lots of men who make partners do this against there will.

Really , that's terrible

An ex of mine convinced me to join fab with him as a couple, which i was uncomfortable with at the time but when we got into it, it was him that became jealous over guys even messaging me. Whereas I liked the thought of him with others.. Needless to say im a lot happier being on here as a single lady

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By *ripleXrateDWoman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

My first mff for a few sec I could of pushed her off my bf. But I just try to enjoy the occasion.

Even although I felt jelous I asked to do another one. I even pushed my bf and her together. I was still jelous but again was trying to enjoy the occasion.

I'm meeting someone again in the next few weeks.

So best advice I can give is join in as much as you can and try not to think of your other half with someone else but more that your there having fun and remember that urs you he comes home to.

Xxx

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By *ands2527Couple
over a year ago

Colchester

I'm proud that other people are as turned on by her as I am and love watching her enjoy herself. Maybe the question should be how many marriages would be saved if they had tried swinging before having that affair

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"My first mff for a few sec I could of pushed her off my bf. But I just try to enjoy the occasion.

Even although I felt jelous I asked to do another one. I even pushed my bf and her together. I was still jelous but again was trying to enjoy the occasion.

I'm meeting someone again in the next few weeks.

So best advice I can give is join in as much as you can and try not to think of your other half with someone else but more that your there having fun and remember that urs you he comes home to.

Xxx"

This is just one of the reasons why I now avoid couples like they were the carriers of bubonic plague. I just doesn't want to get caught up in their insecurities

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By *aystay66Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Coping I thought this was a swinging site ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm proud that other people are as turned on by her as I am and love watching her enjoy herself. Maybe the question should be how many marriages would be saved if they had tried swinging before having that affair"

Agreed. All the kinkiness and sexy moments but without the guilt. Love to see each other enjoying other people. Love to talk about it,reminisce over the experiences again back at home

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it's just the couples who may have initial concerns or fears..I joined a couple many years ago and despite all the chat and lead up .. I still looked to her for reassurance everytime he came near me. Actually that smile and nod of approval was something pretty special and I was quite blown away she felt that way. So much respect for both of them.

They both told me at the time nerves were normal. Anticipation and excitement. All manner of emotions. If it's the first time of the 51st time.

I think it's sometimes a common misconception that one in the relationship will be more into it than the other. Although I'm sure it does happen I don't think it's the 'norm' on here. However it's a conversation I'm sure most couples have to have the first time they invite someone else in.

In terms of coping I guess it's the reason the emotion is taken out of it . It's then just physical...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when we first set up the couples account 3 years ago we were a soft swap with couples only - simply because we werent sure how we would react to each other being with others - always had the aim of full swap etc - didnt take long to know we were ok with it just took a while to get the right couple - we had met people we knew we would swap with but time hasnt allowed us to actually meet up again - now we love it all

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"Can I just ask all the peeps who have posted above....without this sounding critical....does that mean you have never, not even once felt a little twinge of jealousy?

No never, when we decided we wanted to swing we talked and agreed if either of us felt uncomfortable or jealous then we would stop. Our relationship is more important than swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can I just ask all the peeps who have posted above....without this sounding critical....does that mean you have never, not even once felt a little twinge of jealousy?

Yes but don't assume jealousy is always a purely negative emotion. I'd describe it as filling me with a strong desire to 'reclaim' why wife immediately after she had finished with the guy. A big turn on basically.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hijack your thread OP.

But I just wanted to say a big thank you to the forumites for answering my question. Your answers have been really insightful. Although I've been swinging on/off for years, I still catch myself feeling a little insecure now and then x

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By *ripleXrateDWoman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"Sorry to hijack your thread OP.

I think it's a natural thing. I can imagine if it's the op's first time they may be very nervous about it. Shows they care about thete partner xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not something I could cope with but as others have said, that shows its not for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hubby slept with a woman for the first time last weekend and even though i'd given him the go ahead, I didn't handle it at all well. He is fine with me seeing other men and has said he's happy for me to see people and that he's not really bothered anyway so won't see anyone. I think this is bound to lead to resentment but we'll see. He says people handle stuff in different ways and he has no problem with it but I think a lot of people will be judgemental if we go forward with just me seeing people. x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Hubby slept with a woman for the first time last weekend and even though i'd given him the go ahead, I didn't handle it at all well. He is fine with me seeing other men and has said he's happy for me to see people and that he's not really bothered anyway so won't see anyone. I think this is bound to lead to resentment but we'll see. He says people handle stuff in different ways and he has no problem with it but I think a lot of people will be judgemental if we go forward with just me seeing people. x"

It doesn't matter what other people think, it's how the two of you feel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesn't matter what other people think, it's how the two of you feel."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi just interested in people's opinions on coping with seeing your partner with someone else "

As in divorce , well it usually means the front room can be used to keep motorcycles. And the dishwasher can do what's it's designed for and that's wash car parts.

Ever wondered why some people say the best part is their other halls arse , it's because that's the bit you see when they walk away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can I just ask all the peeps who have posted above....without this sounding critical....does that mean you have never, not even once felt a little twinge of jealousy?

^ this. I get massively turned on by the fact someone finds him as attractive as I do and I am only lending him out, it's just a physical act with no ties. When we are back home for weeks after we go mad for each other...jealousy for me in this respect is a major turn on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can I just ask all the peeps who have posted above....without this sounding critical....does that mean you have never, not even once felt a little twinge of jealousy?

Usually when people feel jealous there is an implicit threat that accompanies it. For example, the threat that your partner may leave you for someone else. We don't feel the threat but we still feel a bit of the jealously. The threat is the negative but, the jealousy is fun when your not actually concerned about losing anything because you know who you are going home with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If there's the slightest risk that the love of your life could be unhappy with you playing with another, then you don't do it. It really is that simple.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

I think there is a lot of talking and mental gymnastics to be done before swapping, at least the first time. So if you do the communication groundwork first, hopefully it shouldn't be a problem when you do actually swap.

We are a bit or a rarity when it comes to swinging, neither of us tend to get particularly aroused by watching the other play. For us the enjoyment comes from playing with our play partners for the evening. Because of this we also enjoy separate room swapping. So OP if you find that you are in the same boat, its nothing to be worried about.

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

It's something we wondered about when we started, but built up to it gradually. We got used to seeing one another soft-swinging with others so when our first swap and fuck happened it wasn't a shock. We talked about it afterwards when we were alone and we both agreed our feelings were excitement rather than jealousy. It has stayed that way, watching the other fucking with someone else is fairly routine now but still exciting.

Most couples just couldn't cope with it, one of our vanilla friends asked "how can you do that with the other one watching?" We said it wasn't a problem and she couldn't understand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are lots of men who make partners do this against there will. "

Forcing swinging against my will.. Sounds like I would have to leave relationship. Nothing ever should be forced.. Abuse comes to mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can I just ask all the peeps who have posted above....without this sounding critical....does that mean you have never, not even once felt a little twinge of jealousy?

Depends on your level of trust.. If you do not have trust even your relationship is doomed. X

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By *umfortCouple
over a year ago

wigan

I love to see it. In fact wife is with others now sending me pics n vids

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By *amdenfunMan
over a year ago

London

Many (not all) these responses really are rather uncritical. As someone else has said, jealousy (as all other emotions) is a complex beast, and causes a pleasant as well as unpleasant thrill. Has anyone, for example, read Howard Jacobson's "The Act of Love"?

I get a thrill out of seeing A with others, but I do get jealous too, especially if the guy is particularly well-endowed.

And it's not just "jealousy" - surely we were all brought up to believe we should be the only person our partners are with. Presumably most if not all on here have discarded that law. But when a law is discarded, for many people, remnants remain that have to be grappled with each time. And maybe that tension itself gives pleasure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My thoughts are. Be respectful and pay as much attention to your own partner as to the new one you might be playing with. or if just watching Making a few appreciative noises helps. mmmmm yesssss, oooooooo that sort of thing LOL or if adventurous talk a bit dirty as it helps I've found as it gets you in the mood too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd recommend anyone who's nervous as a couple talking it over and being upfront at all times, and easing into it. There's plenty of couples on here that are led by one person, but it doesn't necessarily mean both don't enjoy the result. It's very individual so if you think you may need to cope, it may be a bit too much at the minute. Embrace and enjoy, if you can.

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By *attyBWoman
over a year ago

Dunstable/Luton

My FB and I are very close, passionate and care for each other so most people do assume we are a 'proper' couple...

I like him to tell me about meeting other women but he doesn't like to hear about me meeting other men.

When we have been to clubs together, he hasn't played with another woman but I have gone off and played with another man. We have yet to play with another couple together.

I guess we are at that stage where neither of us have played infront of each other so I don't really know how it will affect either of us.

I have had mff and mmf before and it didn't bother me if that helps any x

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